0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains some strong language
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Looks pretty similar -
0:00:09 > 0:00:11hopefully the showers here don't have holes in the doors.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Some creep always used to spy on me.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16You used so much soap, you couldn't actually see anything.
0:00:16 > 0:00:17Probably.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Should probably say hello to the new crew.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22- Whoa - you putting on that funny accent to impress them?- What? No...
0:00:22 > 0:00:24STRANGE ACCENT: What?! No!
0:00:24 > 0:00:26So lame, how you want to be the funny one.
0:00:26 > 0:00:27Really desperate...
0:00:27 > 0:00:29- Why have you got a banana skin? - No reason.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Whoa...ho! I slipped on that!
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Way to show yourself up as the accident-prone likeable one, Tom.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Hi. I'm Tom.
0:00:37 > 0:00:38Oh, no! A girl.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41If I had sex with you, I'd probably poo myself.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47- What was that?- Slapstick. People love it. Makes you look cool.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48Tell you what's not cool -
0:00:48 > 0:00:50one wet floor sign and no cable covers.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54Oh, dude, no-one gives a shit about the odd loose cable...
0:00:54 > 0:00:55THUD!
0:01:00 > 0:01:01ELECTRICITY CRACKLES
0:01:13 > 0:01:15APPLAUSE
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Welcome, welcome - Live At The Electric,
0:01:28 > 0:01:32Britain's Premier Inn of sketch and character comedy
0:01:32 > 0:01:34and we're back for a third series.
0:01:37 > 0:01:38Yeah!
0:01:38 > 0:01:42Papa has put some honey on that toast.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46We're back for another eight succulent episodes, Electrolytes -
0:01:46 > 0:01:47how about that?
0:01:47 > 0:01:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:50 > 0:01:53We're here - how lucky am I? A fricking nobody,
0:01:53 > 0:01:55childhood split between Essex and Enfield -
0:01:55 > 0:01:57I don't know if it's cos I'm called Russell,
0:01:57 > 0:01:59people lump me in the same bag with other comedy Russells.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02I think the main thing with me is I've kept the magic
0:02:02 > 0:02:04of being amazed by the stuff I've got.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06I still, when I get in a posh hotel for free,
0:02:06 > 0:02:08I don't swan in and go, "So boring, five-star hotels"
0:02:08 > 0:02:12No - I check in. I can't believe it, I use everything in the room.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13Gargling the conditioner.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15HE GARGLES
0:02:15 > 0:02:16Does anyone else do this?
0:02:16 > 0:02:18If I'm in the room alone, I take off my clothes
0:02:18 > 0:02:20and roll on the bed, like a washed dog -
0:02:20 > 0:02:23"It's mine, it's mine! It's all mine, all of it's mine!"
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Then you put your knob in the fruit. Does no-one else do that?
0:02:28 > 0:02:29Come on, we all do that.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34And...I went to this film premiere, red carpet one - I love them.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36But if you ever see me on red carpets,
0:02:36 > 0:02:38I always mess around, cos I can't believe I'm there -
0:02:38 > 0:02:41I have to take the piss out of the thing I've achieved
0:02:41 > 0:02:43otherwise I feel like I'm not being true to my roots,
0:02:43 > 0:02:45that's why I'm always camping it up,
0:02:45 > 0:02:47even though I'm hetero...fanny!
0:02:49 > 0:02:51I love fanny, so much.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57I went to this premiere
0:02:57 > 0:03:02and they'd lined up shots, beers and champagne in a tower -
0:03:02 > 0:03:03loads of it.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05I couldn't believe it.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08I sent a picture message to my mum of all this mountain of booze
0:03:08 > 0:03:11that was ours for the taking, the attendees of the premiere,
0:03:11 > 0:03:14and within one minute, one text message came back to me.
0:03:14 > 0:03:1760 characters long, one word -
0:03:17 > 0:03:19FAAAAAACK!
0:03:20 > 0:03:22By the way, I spelled that with an A.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Permission to broadcast. Ding!
0:03:26 > 0:03:28When I grew up,
0:03:28 > 0:03:30things that were unlimited were magical.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32I know people think it shows ill-breeding
0:03:32 > 0:03:34and if you're posh, you have class,
0:03:34 > 0:03:36things are supposed to be smaller and more classy.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38I've been brought up on "loads is better".
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Portions - the unlimited buffet.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42I never saw my dad get so excited
0:03:42 > 0:03:44on the nights before the unlimited Chinese buffet -
0:03:44 > 0:03:48"You will starve yourself. You will...starve...yourself."
0:03:48 > 0:03:49It wasn't a figure of speech.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51"No food for 24 hours, yeah?
0:03:51 > 0:03:53"I smell toast - which prick has had toast?"
0:03:53 > 0:03:56"Wasn't me. I'm so hungry, Dad.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58"I'm so hungry."
0:03:58 > 0:03:59"We'll go in there
0:03:59 > 0:04:02"and no-one stops eating till we're in profit - no-one."
0:04:04 > 0:04:05Ming, Ming the Merciless,
0:04:05 > 0:04:08the guy that ran the Chinese, he always...
0:04:08 > 0:04:09LAUGHTER
0:04:09 > 0:04:12He had his little mind trick - anyone else fall for this?
0:04:12 > 0:04:15The mind trick? They don't want you to get to the unlimited king prawns,
0:04:15 > 0:04:17cos everyone's starving -
0:04:17 > 0:04:19working class people dragging themselves there
0:04:19 > 0:04:20like zombies from 28 Days Later.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Arr-agh-argh-ack!
0:04:24 > 0:04:28"Please - soon we will serve unlimited green lip mussels,
0:04:28 > 0:04:29"unlimited prawns."
0:04:29 > 0:04:31"Yeah, bring 'em!"
0:04:31 > 0:04:34"But first, won't you have several bowls
0:04:34 > 0:04:36"of these bloating, valueless crackers?"
0:04:36 > 0:04:38"Thank you! Thank you!"
0:04:39 > 0:04:41"You have defeated me again, Ming."
0:04:41 > 0:04:42"Indeed!"
0:04:43 > 0:04:46"£17.50 for a pound's worth of crackers - go."
0:04:46 > 0:04:48APPLAUSE
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Right, we are going to move on with the show.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56Now, last time I saw people in suits being this hard,
0:04:56 > 0:04:58I was searching for office porn at Red Tube.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise
0:05:00 > 0:05:03for WitTank in The Situation Room!
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Prime Minister, the enemy have nuclear warheads within range
0:05:17 > 0:05:19and primed to fire - time is running out.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Special Forces are currently on the ground,
0:05:21 > 0:05:23infiltrating their weapons facility.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26We're relying on them to destroy the nuclear missile silos.
0:05:26 > 0:05:27This is Control, come in.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30- RADIO:- Reading you loud and clear, Control. Standing by.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32We're your eyes and ears on this one, boys.
0:05:32 > 0:05:33The next few minutes are critical.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35It's time to save the world.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37SOMEONE KNOCKS THE DOOR
0:05:37 > 0:05:38Who the hell is that?
0:05:38 > 0:05:39Come in?
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Hi - are you nearly done in here?
0:05:44 > 0:05:48Uh...no. Who are you?
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Uh, it's just that we booked this room.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52We've got it from one o'clock, so...
0:05:52 > 0:05:54But we've got this room booked all week, don't we?
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- Oh, shit!- But I'm the Prime Minister?
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Just it doesn't say "Prime Minister" in the book?
0:05:59 > 0:06:02It says "Michelle", and, well...
0:06:02 > 0:06:05- That's my name. - Maybe it's a double booking.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07- I'll talk to Richard. - Sorry!
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Embarrassing...
0:06:09 > 0:06:10Hi, Richard...
0:06:10 > 0:06:12- RADIO:- Control, how should we proceed?
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Can you just hang on a minute?
0:06:18 > 0:06:19He's driving.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20THEY GROAN
0:06:20 > 0:06:21They've launched!
0:06:21 > 0:06:24We need the intercept codes right now!
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Look, sorry, can you just hang on for two minutes?
0:06:26 > 0:06:29It's just that we booked the room from one o'clock, so...
0:06:29 > 0:06:31She's got a point. It's 1.05 now.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33- And it is in the book.- Argh!
0:06:33 > 0:06:34Bloody Richard!
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Rrrgh!
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Is there anywhere else we can go?
0:06:38 > 0:06:39Nando's has free Wi-Fi.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44- I don't really like Nando's. - Come on!
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Intercept codes!
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Give us the bloody intercept codes or it's all over!
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Oh, Richard.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03Wow. Right.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Before I'd met our next high-status guest,
0:07:06 > 0:07:08she's only see Essex people in documentaries
0:07:08 > 0:07:12and she still needs subtitles for people north of Milton Keynes.
0:07:12 > 0:07:13It's Chastity Butterworth!
0:07:15 > 0:07:16Oh, gosh!
0:07:18 > 0:07:19Oh, how lovely!
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Oh!
0:07:22 > 0:07:23Oh...ha!
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Oh, good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
0:07:27 > 0:07:32I am overjoyed to be here as your one-woman variety act,
0:07:32 > 0:07:35so without further ado, I shall now,
0:07:35 > 0:07:38like a proud pussycat vomiting up a vole,
0:07:38 > 0:07:42I shall labour for you some of my magnificent comedy titbits...ooh!
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Ooh...ooh...
0:07:44 > 0:07:45SHE RETCHES SLIGHTLY
0:07:47 > 0:07:48Oh!
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Get my first GAG out of the way.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54GROANING AND LAUGHTER
0:07:54 > 0:07:55Thank you.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57Thank you.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Thank you.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03The jigsaws were having a peace protest.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Edgy.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06Thank you!
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Stop it, really! Thank you.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Thank you - ooh, oh, gosh. Hold on.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Ooh...ooh...
0:08:12 > 0:08:13Oh...ooh...
0:08:15 > 0:08:16Fanny wedgie, excuse me.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22It's...it's out now,
0:08:22 > 0:08:25it's just I can't concentrate when they're...asymmetric.
0:08:25 > 0:08:26GROANING AND LAUGHTER
0:08:26 > 0:08:28She knows.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Anyway, it's out now. Panic over.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33The band is back together.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42Actually, forgive me if I seem...a little distracted,
0:08:42 > 0:08:46ladies and gentlemen, but it's awfully hot in here
0:08:46 > 0:08:50and I got creamed off my cracker on crystal meth last night.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55And so...to be perfectly frank with you all,
0:08:55 > 0:08:59I am trying quite desperately not to shit myself right now.
0:09:04 > 0:09:05It's chaos back there.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11Now, chaps, I am deliriously tired today
0:09:11 > 0:09:14because I could not get to sleep last night,
0:09:14 > 0:09:19so my husband Horace and I decided to conduct a little experiment
0:09:19 > 0:09:21using a bow tie, a snorkel
0:09:21 > 0:09:23and a safe word.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Thank you. Oh...
0:09:28 > 0:09:30We thought we'd try to find out
0:09:30 > 0:09:34just how intensely certain experiences can be enhanced
0:09:34 > 0:09:36when the breath is restricted.
0:09:36 > 0:09:37Oh...
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Now, the safe word we went for was "bread buns",
0:09:41 > 0:09:43because we do so love a bread bun.
0:09:45 > 0:09:46But it turns out
0:09:46 > 0:09:49it's quite impossible to shout "bread buns"
0:09:49 > 0:09:51through a snorkel.
0:09:53 > 0:09:54I found that out the hard way
0:09:54 > 0:09:56and now poor Horace is in intensive care.
0:09:58 > 0:09:59Oops!
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Oh, look - this poor boy looks a bit confused.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Strangle wank.
0:10:08 > 0:10:09Thank you.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Oh, sorry. Thank you.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14So, I would like to leave you all wanting more.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17"Oh, what's next?" I hear you cry.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19So I've made you something.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21It's a Cliff hanger.
0:10:21 > 0:10:22GROANING AND LAUGHTER
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Thank you so very much. Thank you.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Thank you...oh!
0:10:31 > 0:10:34Chastity Butterworth, ladies and gentlemen.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36"Thank you! Thank you!"
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Now, the fact that Tennyson said
0:10:38 > 0:10:42"It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"
0:10:42 > 0:10:45just proves that he never saw the lovelorn antics
0:10:45 > 0:10:46of Luke McQueen!
0:10:52 > 0:10:54I didn't mean to cheat on my girlfriend, but I did -
0:10:54 > 0:10:55accidentally.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59Sarah's left me, so I need her to see how sorry I am.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01I'll do anything to get her back.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07When I cheated on Sarah, I humiliated her.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11If I want to get her back, I have to humiliate myself even more.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13MUSIC: "Pow" by Lethal Bizzle
0:11:13 > 0:11:14It's quite aggressive.
0:11:17 > 0:11:18I like it, though.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Battle rapping is full-on, it's intense.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23They humiliate people for a living. And I want to be humiliated.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25It's win-win.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Start around nine, I'm going to get there a bit early,
0:11:29 > 0:11:33just to check the place out, have a look at the competition.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Hopefully, they're nice people and they support me.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40I'm going to bring out two battlers. Let's go, bring 'em out.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42- Yeah...- Whoa...
0:11:42 > 0:11:45On the second mike, it's Luke.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Yeah - all right, this is how we're doing this.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48Luke, you go first -
0:11:48 > 0:11:50they're the rules, they're the rules.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Em, yeah. Hi, my name's Luke.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Em, I've never actually done this before,
0:11:55 > 0:12:00but basically, recently, I cheated on my girlfriend.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01It was an accident.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04But the reason I'm doing this is because I want to show her
0:12:04 > 0:12:08that I'm sorry and that I want us to get back together.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09He seems like a really nice guy,
0:12:09 > 0:12:13I don't really have anything negative to say at the moment.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16# Do you seriously think trying to spit a rap
0:12:16 > 0:12:18# Is gonna help you get your missus back?
0:12:18 > 0:12:21# Things like this are the reason she left you in the first place
0:12:21 > 0:12:23# You little twat
0:12:23 > 0:12:26# No, honestly, she left you cos you're a massive loser
0:12:26 > 0:12:28# She said your dick is as thin as a plastic ruler
0:12:28 > 0:12:31# Remember that night she cheated on you when you were at the boozer?
0:12:31 > 0:12:34# Well, say hello to the guy that made her fanny looser. #
0:12:34 > 0:12:36CROWD: Ooh...!
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Thank you.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41CROWD LAUGHS
0:12:41 > 0:12:43That was...um...that was quite good.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44Um...
0:12:44 > 0:12:47I also struggle to hold an erection when having sex,
0:12:47 > 0:12:49so if you want to use that, you can.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Also...
0:12:52 > 0:12:54GROANING AND LAUGHTER
0:12:54 > 0:12:57..I haven't got a particularly good physique.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00I've got a third nipple. I've actually got a rash.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04It's not contagious, but it's kind of gross.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06When I was school, I got bullied.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08One time, they made me eat my own pubes.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11When my nan died, I stole £20 from her purse
0:13:11 > 0:13:13and I never told anyone about it.
0:13:13 > 0:13:14TRACK INTRO PLAYS
0:13:14 > 0:13:17- Sorry, can we have some silence? - Silence?
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Could you please not say negative things about Sarah?
0:13:21 > 0:13:25You can punish me, but she's got nothing to do with this.
0:13:25 > 0:13:26Time.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Luke just said time.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31# You've got a fucking big head and crossed eyes
0:13:31 > 0:13:35# And you look like...someone poured a litre of water... #
0:13:35 > 0:13:36- LAUGHING:- Oh, my God!
0:13:36 > 0:13:38CROWD ROARS WITH LAUGHTER
0:13:39 > 0:13:40It went really well -
0:13:40 > 0:13:42I wasn't sure how the crowd would react,
0:13:42 > 0:13:45but they were totally on my side, really supportive.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47You know, Sarah will see that and respect me again.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50I would've liked to have been humiliated a little bit more.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53But there's lots going on tonight - hopefully, I can get involved with something else.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57RAGGA MUSIC PLAYS
0:13:59 > 0:14:00Ow!
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Yeah, I think that'll definitely be enough, what I did tonight.
0:14:09 > 0:14:14She has to look at that and think I'm doing everything I can.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16I'm pretty confident she'll call me know.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19APPLAUSE
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Luke McQueen!
0:14:25 > 0:14:28I actually want to experience that.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31So it's rigging down by nine o'clock, e-mail Sue for anything HR-related
0:14:31 > 0:14:34and don't use the flares before checking with Gary.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36I've been here three years and I didn't know any of that,
0:14:36 > 0:14:39- but I'm guessing that's right. - It is right.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40Sorry I'm late.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Did I miss a meeting or something?
0:14:43 > 0:14:47- No.- Cool, cos I was just bunking off in the bogs.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Smoking on my faggies.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51- Anyone seen them, by the way?- No.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Must have left them in my sports car.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Didn't know you had a sports car. What type is it?
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Dunno. Not into brands.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Right, I just had one more question.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03- If...- Oh, fuck! I love this song!
0:15:03 > 0:15:07Ho-ho! You realise these guys are banned from playing Reading?
0:15:07 > 0:15:09- Are they?- Yeah. One of them threw a bottle at me
0:15:09 > 0:15:11and I told the police.
0:15:11 > 0:15:12Who is this prick?
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Oh, look. Another one of Tom's lame rotas.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- Yeah.- "Hello, I'm Tom, and I've already finished a rota."
0:15:19 > 0:15:21You'll notice it's not actually finished yet.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24I hadn't scheduled you being a massive prat at this point.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Oh, fuck you, guys.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31What do you want from me? I've been funny, cool, generous -
0:15:31 > 0:15:32I gave you my nectarine.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34You'd eaten half of it, it wasn't very hygienic.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Which is my I then gave you the cold sore cream.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39What does it take? Do you want me to dress up as a pig?
0:15:39 > 0:15:40Let you kick me?
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Yeah, that'd be good.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Whatever. I don't need to impress you.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49Just stay here and play on your little computers.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Try not to break anything...nerds.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01CABLES DRAG ALONG THE FLOOR
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Right, shall we press on?
0:16:04 > 0:16:06One of the unique things about this show
0:16:06 > 0:16:09is how we give opportunities to those people totally new
0:16:09 > 0:16:11to the world of entertainment -
0:16:11 > 0:16:14now, I mean TOTALLY new, OK?
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Make some noise for Roger Showbusiness!
0:16:16 > 0:16:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:16:45 > 0:16:46Come on, Rodge!
0:16:47 > 0:16:49VOICE TREMBLES: Um...
0:16:49 > 0:16:51LAUGHTER
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
0:17:02 > 0:17:03My name is...
0:17:05 > 0:17:07..Roger Showbusiness.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09SCATTERED APPLAUSE
0:17:10 > 0:17:11(Oh, God...)
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Using my talent for ventriloquism...
0:17:19 > 0:17:24..tonight, I'm going to introduce you to a very special friend of mine.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28He's, uh...he's in the briefcase.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Sorry, it's a surprise.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34He's not in the briefcase.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38He might be - oh, God...!
0:17:41 > 0:17:45My psychiatrist suggested that I try ventriloquism
0:17:45 > 0:17:50as a way of externalising the voices in my own head.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Also, she refuses to see me any more.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59So the dummy gives me someone to talk to.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02- AUDIENCE:- Aw!
0:18:02 > 0:18:03So...
0:18:05 > 0:18:07..who likes ventriloquism?
0:18:07 > 0:18:08Yay!
0:18:08 > 0:18:10CHEERING
0:18:14 > 0:18:15"I do, Roger."
0:18:22 > 0:18:23"I like ventriloquism."
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Oh...
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Hm...
0:18:32 > 0:18:33Who said that?
0:18:35 > 0:18:37It must have been my son -
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Little Randy Showbusiness.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Would you like to meet him, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls?
0:18:45 > 0:18:47AUDIENCE: Yes!
0:18:49 > 0:18:50Why?
0:18:54 > 0:18:56This can only be awful.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Well, here he comes - ready or not.
0:19:14 > 0:19:15(Oh, God...)
0:19:28 > 0:19:29I've, uh...
0:19:29 > 0:19:32I've forgotten the combination to the briefcase.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42LAUGHTER
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Hello, Little Randy Showbusiness.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06"Hello, everyone."
0:20:08 > 0:20:14"Daddy, can I ever be a real little boy?"
0:20:16 > 0:20:18No.
0:20:20 > 0:20:21Because if you were...
0:20:22 > 0:20:23..they'd take you away.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Just like they did the real one.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38I haven't really forgotten the combination.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47- AUDIENCE:- Aw!
0:20:49 > 0:20:52I left him on a train, two years ago.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54And I haven't seen him since.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58And when I say "him"...
0:20:59 > 0:21:01..I mean my real son.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07I don't even know how he got out of the briefcase.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17I've been Roger Showbusiness.
0:21:17 > 0:21:18Please don't hate me.
0:21:20 > 0:21:21Good night.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:24 > 0:21:25Moron!
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Aw!
0:21:32 > 0:21:34It'll develop from there.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Now, Live At The Electric is one of the least commercial shows
0:21:37 > 0:21:39you'll find on the BBC.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42That's why we're about to shove some commercials right up your eye holes.
0:21:42 > 0:21:43See you after the break!
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Do you want to give up smoking, but can't?
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Well then, why not try these?
0:21:52 > 0:21:56They look like ordinary cigarettes, and they are,
0:21:56 > 0:21:59except that one of these cigarettes has been up a dog's arse.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02The tip of one of these cigarettes
0:22:02 > 0:22:05has been gently pushed up this small dog's arse
0:22:05 > 0:22:08and then placed carefully back into the packet.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12But which one? That's the risk you take.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19New One Of These Cigarettes Has Been Up A Dog's Arse.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Really makes you think "How badly do I want this cigarette?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24"Bad enough to risk smoking a cigarette
0:22:24 > 0:22:26"that's been up a dog's arse?"
0:22:28 > 0:22:33Now there's a risk your cigarette will taste of arse - dog arse.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36New One Of These Cigarettes Has Been Up A Dog's Arse.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Because no-one wants to smoke a cigarette
0:22:39 > 0:22:40that's been up a dog's arse.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Sorry...
0:22:51 > 0:22:55And now, a quality performer who is the epitome of superiority -
0:22:55 > 0:22:56that's high-status high jinks
0:22:56 > 0:22:59in an organic, fair trade, Tesco Finest nutshell.
0:22:59 > 0:23:00It's Alex Smith!
0:23:07 > 0:23:08Hello!
0:23:08 > 0:23:10- AUDIENCE:- Hello!
0:23:10 > 0:23:11Em..I'm Alex Smith
0:23:11 > 0:23:15and I would like to play you a little song now about problems.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17I think we've all got problems.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20I've certainly been told that I have some.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23So this song's about my problems - it's called
0:23:23 > 0:23:29It's Not Easy Being White, Middle Class And Vaguely Attractive.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31LAUGHTER
0:23:31 > 0:23:32I did say "vaguely".
0:23:34 > 0:23:36HE PLAYS A SLOW TUNE
0:23:41 > 0:23:44# Don't you hate it when your salad fork
0:23:48 > 0:23:51# Is on the wrong side of your dinner fork?
0:23:54 > 0:23:58# And there's no distinction between red and white wine glasses
0:24:00 > 0:24:05# And you're accidentally mixing with the...lower classes
0:24:08 > 0:24:09# Shit, I'm in a Harvester
0:24:14 > 0:24:17# There are animals at the salad cart
0:24:17 > 0:24:20# It can only spell disaster
0:24:23 > 0:24:27# The Africans think they have a reason to despair
0:24:28 > 0:24:30# They think they've got problems?
0:24:30 > 0:24:33# My iPhone is in for repair
0:24:33 > 0:24:38# I know your water is undrinkably dirty
0:24:38 > 0:24:42# But I have to play Snake on a Nokia 3330
0:24:49 > 0:24:51# I try to fight everything life throws
0:24:55 > 0:24:59# But how can I when my hometown has no Waitrose?
0:25:01 > 0:25:04# You try buying hummus in ASDA
0:25:07 > 0:25:11# They only have normal, they don't do Roasted Red Pepper
0:25:13 > 0:25:16# I feel like people don't take me seriously
0:25:17 > 0:25:20# They don't think I'm urban
0:25:20 > 0:25:23# They don't even think I'm street
0:25:23 > 0:25:24# Kick the remix!
0:25:24 > 0:25:27TEMPO PICKS UP
0:25:27 > 0:25:29APPLAUSE
0:25:31 > 0:25:33# Oh, well, I can be urban, I can be street
0:25:33 > 0:25:35# I'm fucking people up before I've had Shredded Wheat, yeah
0:25:35 > 0:25:36# Eating breakfast in a gangsta way
0:25:36 > 0:25:39# Poppin...some cherries - that's one of my five a day
0:25:44 > 0:25:46# I know that haters, you're going to hate
0:25:46 > 0:25:48# But did you know that I grew up on an estate? #
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Well, it was actually more of a gated community.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54# Don't get it when bitches don't like my flavour
0:25:54 > 0:25:56# I'm like, "Sket, maybe you should have gone to Specsavers"
0:25:56 > 0:25:58# I went there to sort out my opticals
0:25:58 > 0:26:00# But did you know they don't even stock monocles?
0:26:00 > 0:26:01# I keep my threads fresh, like Dr Dre
0:26:01 > 0:26:03# Ask the ironing lady - she comes on a Wednesday
0:26:03 > 0:26:05# Don't step to me, I own many guns
0:26:05 > 0:26:07# They're antique Civil War reproductions
0:26:07 > 0:26:09# Drop beats fatter than my Auntie Karen
0:26:09 > 0:26:12# She's got heart problems - can't wait for the inheritance
0:26:12 > 0:26:14LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:26:20 > 0:26:23# I've got middle class blues... #
0:26:23 > 0:26:24Well, middle-upper class.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29# I've got middle-upper class blues
0:26:31 > 0:26:34# It's not easy being this much better
0:26:37 > 0:26:42# Better than you. #
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Thank you very much.
0:26:53 > 0:26:54Alex Smith!
0:26:54 > 0:26:58I think a star has just been born right here at the Electric, amazing.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00That's it for now, but if we've left you gasping for more,
0:27:00 > 0:27:02head straight to...
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Or one of the other popular internet sites -
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Friends Reunited, Bebo, MySpace.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10See you on Yahoo Messenger, kids!
0:27:10 > 0:27:12From me and the Electrolytes, goodbye!
0:27:17 > 0:27:20SOMEONE KNOCKS ON DOOR
0:27:20 > 0:27:23- Yeah.- Hey. Can I borrow your laptop and desk phone?
0:27:23 > 0:27:25I was having sex on mine and they all sort of...
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Tom, we all saw you break them earlier.
0:27:28 > 0:27:32Yeah. Um...can I borrow them anyway?
0:27:32 > 0:27:34- They're at the work desk.- Cheers.
0:27:34 > 0:27:35LAUGHTER AND CHATTER
0:27:35 > 0:27:39- What's going on in there? - Having a few after-work beers.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42On your own, or...?
0:27:42 > 0:27:43No, Tom.
0:27:45 > 0:27:46Look, they're a nice bunch.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49You just need to stop...trying so hard.
0:27:49 > 0:27:50I'm not...
0:27:53 > 0:27:57They'll like you for who you are, OK? I'll put in a good word for you.
0:27:57 > 0:27:58Cheers, mate.
0:27:59 > 0:28:03Right. Sorry about that. On the floor again?
0:28:03 > 0:28:08- Don't forget to squeal this time. - You still want the oinks?- Yeah.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11This is so great...sorry.
0:28:11 > 0:28:16ALL: Yeah! Pig! Pig! Pig! Pig!
0:28:16 > 0:28:17Weeeee!