0:00:03 > 0:00:11This programme contains some strong language
0:00:30 > 0:00:33APPLAUSE
0:00:36 > 0:00:37Hi, guys! Thank you so much.
0:00:39 > 0:00:40Hi!
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Hello!
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Oh, guys, thank you.
0:00:45 > 0:00:46APPLAUSE CONTINUES
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Thank you so much!
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Hi! Thank you.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52My name's Josie Long. I am so thrilled to be here
0:00:52 > 0:00:55and so thrilled to be doing my show for you. I hope you guys are well.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57I'm chuffed.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00I should say as well, to introduce myself, if you don't know me,
0:01:00 > 0:01:05my name is Josie, I have bad posture, but a good heart,
0:01:05 > 0:01:10I'm 34 years old and that is the prime of life.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Thank you. It's the sweet spot, and I'm trying to inhabit it
0:01:14 > 0:01:17and trying to live it, but I'm also a woman - I'm so sorry - and...
0:01:19 > 0:01:21LAUGHTER
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Thank you for laughing at that!
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Sometimes people don't, and I think,
0:01:25 > 0:01:27"Fuck, is post-Brexit Britain that bad?"
0:01:29 > 0:01:32But I am a woman - ooh - and I've started to feel
0:01:32 > 0:01:36societal, sexist pressures impinging on my day-to-day.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40The way that I'm trying to ride out any stress that that gives me is,
0:01:40 > 0:01:42I've created a kind of karaoke persona.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46And the karaoke persona is, like,
0:01:46 > 0:01:50"I'm like a fun mum with no kids! Woo!
0:01:50 > 0:01:52"Woo!
0:01:53 > 0:01:56"Woohoo! Woo!
0:01:56 > 0:02:00"Get me a glass of Pinot Grigio! Woo!
0:02:00 > 0:02:04"Get me on the Grig! Get me on the Grig!
0:02:04 > 0:02:07"Get me on the Grig!
0:02:07 > 0:02:09"Get me a glass of that sweet Pinot Grigio."
0:02:09 > 0:02:12I thought it was just a stereotype about women in their mid-30s
0:02:12 > 0:02:17loving Pinot Grigio, and then one day I woke up and I was, like,
0:02:17 > 0:02:19"I know what drink it is I must order.
0:02:22 > 0:02:27"Get me a sweet glass of the sweet, sweet Grig.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29"Get me on the Grig.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32"It's like mineral water, but it makes all your fears go all fuzzy."
0:02:35 > 0:02:38That's my new catchphrase as well - "Get me on the Grig!"
0:02:38 > 0:02:40You guys all say, "Who's on the Grig?"
0:02:40 > 0:02:42and I'm, like, "She's on the Grig!"
0:02:42 > 0:02:44"Grig! Grig! Grig!" I'm like, "Grig again!"
0:02:44 > 0:02:45You go, "Grig!"
0:02:45 > 0:02:48And then we all... You'll pick it up.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54I'm 34 years old. I've realised that I'm not a stadium comedian.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Once I did this show and someone there was, like, "Yet."
0:02:59 > 0:03:00And I was, like...
0:03:02 > 0:03:04"..That ship has sailed."
0:03:04 > 0:03:06I'm not a stadium comedian and I'm fine with that,
0:03:06 > 0:03:09but the only time I wish I was was with my new catchphrase,
0:03:09 > 0:03:13cos if I was, you would all know in advance, you'd be, like,
0:03:13 > 0:03:15"Oh, is she ready for the Grig?"
0:03:17 > 0:03:20While I was backstage in the stadium, you'd all be chanting,
0:03:20 > 0:03:21like, "Grig! Grig! Grig!"
0:03:23 > 0:03:26And I'd turn to my stylist and my nutritionist and I'd be, like,
0:03:26 > 0:03:29"There's so many Grig-heads in tonight!"
0:03:30 > 0:03:32And I'd come out and you'd be, like, "Is she on the Grig?"
0:03:32 > 0:03:35And I'd be wearing a jacket and I'd be, like, "Am I?"
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Then I'd pull out a sweet glass of the Grig.
0:03:38 > 0:03:43All the 34-year-old women in the crowd would just start weeping,
0:03:43 > 0:03:48instantaneous gratitude, like, "I connect!"
0:03:48 > 0:03:52And I'd be like, "Woo! Get me on the Grig!"
0:03:52 > 0:03:55At the end of the show, I'd be doing my final dance number,
0:03:55 > 0:03:58cos if you're in a stadium, you've got to really make it big,
0:03:58 > 0:04:00and the stadium number, I'd be, like,
0:04:00 > 0:04:03"I've had too much of the Grig,"
0:04:03 > 0:04:05and you'd all be, like, "Where's Grigie?"
0:04:05 > 0:04:09I should say this one - Grigie is my mascot,
0:04:09 > 0:04:14like an animated bottle of Pinot Grigio...
0:04:14 > 0:04:17and I sell it because I'm a stadium comedian
0:04:17 > 0:04:19and I know about making money.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Then you're, like, holding up Grigie, like, "Where's Grigie?"
0:04:24 > 0:04:26I'm, like, "He's not here!"
0:04:26 > 0:04:28And then at the end of the show, he comes on and pushes me
0:04:28 > 0:04:31into the orchestra pit and everyone's crying and...
0:04:31 > 0:04:32LAUGHTER
0:04:32 > 0:04:35So I'm not a stadium comedian...
0:04:35 > 0:04:37but I am a 34-year-old woman.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40I do love a glass of the Grig and I can't believe it.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44Now I am safely ensconced in my middle-30s, three things change.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Number one, "Get me on the Grig."
0:04:46 > 0:04:47Grig... You'll pick it up.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Number two, the second thing that changed for me when I became
0:04:52 > 0:04:58safely ensconced in my middle-30s, I really appreciate architecture.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59LAUGHTER
0:05:01 > 0:05:02Never expected it.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06I'll be, like, "The thing is, I know it was the right thing to do,
0:05:06 > 0:05:07"to break up with him,
0:05:07 > 0:05:09"and I feel so sad about it, I'm just heartbroken.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11"I just think, 'Where am I going to go?'
0:05:11 > 0:05:12"I'm supposed to, have my...
0:05:14 > 0:05:15"Mm.
0:05:25 > 0:05:26"What is this place, Art Deco?
0:05:29 > 0:05:30"Yeah, so I don't know what to do..."
0:05:30 > 0:05:32The third thing that changed for me,
0:05:32 > 0:05:34this happened on the morning of my 34th birthday.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37I woke up, the first thought that entered my head was,
0:05:37 > 0:05:39"Adele is a genius!"
0:05:42 > 0:05:43Adele is a genius.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45And I know the sort of people that might come and see my comedy,
0:05:45 > 0:05:47you think you're too young and too cool for Adele.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50You think you're too young and that Adele is too mainstream.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Let me tell you something!
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Nobody on this Earth is too cool for Adele,
0:05:56 > 0:05:58none of you are too cool for Adele.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02Adele is a genius and if any of you guys would like to query
0:06:02 > 0:06:04whether or not Adele is talented
0:06:04 > 0:06:07at the thing she has devoted her life to doing,
0:06:07 > 0:06:11you better damn well, fucking well be Serena fucking Williams.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13That is all I'm saying.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Adele is a genius...
0:06:16 > 0:06:19and she's so earthy.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21She's so young! What's she going to do next?
0:06:21 > 0:06:23I have no idea, but I've got faith in her,
0:06:23 > 0:06:25I've got faith in her for her journey.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29That's a little introduction into me and who I am.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31I'm so excited to be doing this, I'm a little bit nervy.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35I'm sure it will be fine, but the show is kind of about politics,
0:06:35 > 0:06:38but the show is called Something Better,
0:06:38 > 0:06:41and the reason I called it that is for comedy festivals
0:06:41 > 0:06:44where you see loads of shows, so people will be like,
0:06:44 > 0:06:47"Oh, hey, what are you going to see today?"
0:06:47 > 0:06:50"Oh, erm, I'm going to see a middle-aged man bitching and moaning
0:06:50 > 0:06:53"about how much he doesn't like safe spaces
0:06:53 > 0:06:54"and about Generation Snowflake.
0:06:56 > 0:06:57"What are YOU going to see?"
0:06:59 > 0:07:01LAUGHTER
0:07:05 > 0:07:08You guys sussed it out. You're a smart bunch.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11What I wanted this show to be about is, I wanted it to
0:07:11 > 0:07:15be about politics and optimism and hope and about all the people around
0:07:15 > 0:07:16the world and from the past
0:07:16 > 0:07:19that I feel really inspired by and excited by,
0:07:19 > 0:07:23and I started writing it in May 2015 and I was full of excitement...
0:07:24 > 0:07:26LAUGHTER
0:07:26 > 0:07:31And then I put it aside and I started writing it in June 2016...
0:07:31 > 0:07:33I'm going to let you into a secret - I fucked that up.
0:07:33 > 0:07:38I meant to say May 2016, but I feel like the last few years have
0:07:38 > 0:07:41been so awful, everyone's, like, "Yeah, it's terrible, innit?
0:07:41 > 0:07:43"Everything's bad!"
0:07:43 > 0:07:45But I... I wanted to write a show that was about joy
0:07:45 > 0:07:49and enthusiasm about politics, something that was
0:07:49 > 0:07:52something better in itself, like, aspirational, and then...
0:07:53 > 0:07:56SPANISH ACCENT: ..Brexit... happened.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Oh, God, guys, do you know about Brexit?
0:08:00 > 0:08:02If you don't, don't look it up.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06I don't know if you've been paying attention to the world,
0:08:06 > 0:08:10but it's really been set on fire recently, so I...
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Yeah, Brexit happened. I started saying this...
0:08:13 > 0:08:15SPANISH ACCENT: ..Brexit...
0:08:15 > 0:08:19..cos I feel like it makes it sound more warm and Spanish.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Brexit happened and the show sort of became about that
0:08:22 > 0:08:25and about grief and I feel really guilty,
0:08:25 > 0:08:27because I already needed the other show first, like,
0:08:27 > 0:08:31I needed the joyful show because for the past six years, seven years now,
0:08:31 > 0:08:34since I've really cared about politics, since the Government
0:08:34 > 0:08:37changed, I feel like I've had so much fight and enmity going on
0:08:37 > 0:08:40in my life, like, nobody warned me beforehand
0:08:40 > 0:08:42what it's like to live under a Government
0:08:42 > 0:08:44that you ideologically oppose, no-one said to me,
0:08:44 > 0:08:47like, what it's like is like being stabbed with a little pin
0:08:47 > 0:08:49every single day of your life
0:08:49 > 0:08:52and no-one appreciates why you're angry the whole time.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Everyone's, like, "Why are you in a mood? You're fine."
0:08:54 > 0:08:56And I'm, like, "Conservatives are pinching me!"
0:08:56 > 0:08:58LAUGHTER
0:09:00 > 0:09:02"You're fine."
0:09:02 > 0:09:06"No! They sent a cat through the window to pinch me!"
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Thank you, that's my cheeky crucible joke!
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Start at the top with a cheeky crucible joke
0:09:14 > 0:09:17and you can find out who likes it, and then you can take
0:09:17 > 0:09:21their names down and report those people to the relevant authorities.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26It's a double crucible joke. My dream is...
0:09:26 > 0:09:29What I really like is doing jokes that are so niche that the dream is
0:09:29 > 0:09:34they would only disproportionately entertain one person at a time.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37That's my dream. My dream show would be you all laugh once...
0:09:37 > 0:09:40LAUGHTER
0:09:40 > 0:09:44..but it's the best laugh of your lives and you do it alone.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46It's just, like, "You're done! You're done! You'll all get done!
0:09:48 > 0:09:51"Don't you worry about it, you'll all get done!"
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Yeah, so I feel like I've had all of that in my life,
0:09:54 > 0:09:56I've had so much enmity and struggle for seven years
0:09:56 > 0:10:00and I want to put it down and be something better, but then...
0:10:00 > 0:10:03SPANISH ACCENT: ..Brexit happened... Brexit.
0:10:03 > 0:10:08Oh, I should tell you, politically, I am on the left.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Well done, me.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16The best team. I'm on the left.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19If you can't tell by literally everything about me,
0:10:19 > 0:10:24I am on the left and if you're not...
0:10:24 > 0:10:26you should give it a go.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30There's never been a better time to give it a go. Give it a try.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32See if it's for you. Join the team, it's a great team.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34You're thinking, "Oh, what are the perks of the left?
0:10:34 > 0:10:36"I don't know whether I want to join the left."
0:10:36 > 0:10:38There's loads of perks. Loads of perks.
0:10:38 > 0:10:44Number one, everyone treats you as if you are naive as a little child,
0:10:44 > 0:10:48and, number two, no money!
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Yippee!
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Get me on the Grig!
0:10:53 > 0:10:57It's not part of it, but it helps, it really helps.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00I didn't even mention the best perk.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03The best perk - I leave my washing in the washing machine
0:11:03 > 0:11:07for three days before I hang it out to dry. Yeah.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09And then when people are, like, "What's that smell?"
0:11:09 > 0:11:11I'm, like, "Hemp?"
0:11:14 > 0:11:16They're, like, "It figures."
0:11:16 > 0:11:19And I'm, like, "Thank you! The left, best team!"
0:11:19 > 0:11:22I'm on the left, you know, and the thing is, I love my team.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25It's a problematic team, it's a complicated team, but I love my team
0:11:25 > 0:11:26and I'm proud to be a part of it,
0:11:26 > 0:11:29but I wish that when I had signed up to be on the left, they could
0:11:29 > 0:11:33have made me a little bit more aware of the fine print of the team,
0:11:33 > 0:11:36like, "Oh, it's great that you've signed up to care about
0:11:36 > 0:11:38"other human beings a bit more and you're, like,
0:11:38 > 0:11:40"trying to get involved with politics, that's brilliant.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43"Erm, just while you're signing this, I do need you to know that
0:11:43 > 0:11:48"you are signing up to a lifetime of misery, struggle and defeat. OK?"
0:11:48 > 0:11:53"No! I just signed up for glamorous marches and free dhal at festivals!
0:11:53 > 0:11:55"Nooo!
0:11:55 > 0:11:59"Sorry, can I change teams?" "No."
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Once you start caring, you won't stop caring.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03You'll think you have,
0:12:03 > 0:12:06but you'll just be weeping alone in your mansion.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08"Can I do that?" "No!"
0:12:08 > 0:12:10I don't want to sound cocky with you guys
0:12:10 > 0:12:13cos I know I've just met all you guys, and you seem lovely,
0:12:13 > 0:12:16but I really thought that, with me on the team...
0:12:18 > 0:12:19..we would have won by now.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23I didn't realise we'd keep losing.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25I don't understand why we keep losing.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28I am retweeting so much stuff.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Every day. I thought we'd be winning
0:12:33 > 0:12:36and I thought I could go back to the sort of shows I used to write
0:12:36 > 0:12:38before I got interested in politics cos they were
0:12:38 > 0:12:40so much more fun. They were, like...
0:12:40 > 0:12:42"I love it when bus drivers talk to each other."
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Just my whimsical way of looking at the world.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50"I wonder what cats are thinking.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53"Maybe they're thinking that, the UN recently said that,
0:12:53 > 0:12:57because of soil erosion, we've probably only got 60 harvests left."
0:12:59 > 0:13:00LAUGHTER
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Or they're thinking, "I don't care who feeds me."
0:13:04 > 0:13:05I don't know.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08I want to go back to that sort of show, like,
0:13:08 > 0:13:11I don't want you thinking at the outset that I'm an angry ranter,
0:13:11 > 0:13:13I'm not an angry person, I'm not, and I don't want to
0:13:13 > 0:13:17spend my life being defined by opposition to some jerks, I don't.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21I want to be something better, I want to be useful to society and,
0:13:21 > 0:13:23weirdly, the day after Brexit,
0:13:23 > 0:13:26I didn't feel as devastated as all of my friends seemed to,
0:13:26 > 0:13:29and I should say at this point, I didn't want Brexit.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32I think it's catastrophic.
0:13:32 > 0:13:33Surprise!
0:13:33 > 0:13:35LAUGHTER
0:13:35 > 0:13:38But the day after Brexit, I didn't feel as bad as all my friends.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41I had all my friends texting me that day
0:13:41 > 0:13:43and I felt able to be useful, and my friends were texting me,
0:13:43 > 0:13:45like, "Oh, God, what are we going to do? This is awful.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48"I feel so devastated, I feel so frightened,"
0:13:48 > 0:13:51and I didn't, and I am an optimist. That's why people were texting me.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54I'm an optimist, I'm proud of being an optimist, I feel blessed
0:13:54 > 0:13:56to be an optimist, but that's what I WOULD say.
0:13:56 > 0:14:01"Stupid optimists! Live in the real world! What's wrong with you?"
0:14:02 > 0:14:05They were texting me all day and I found, the day after,
0:14:05 > 0:14:07I didn't feel despair,
0:14:07 > 0:14:10I felt this incredible, evangelical zeal all around me,
0:14:10 > 0:14:13running through my blood, the like of which I have not felt before or
0:14:13 > 0:14:17since and I felt desperate, I felt so desperate to do something.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18I was texting everyone, like,
0:14:18 > 0:14:20"Listen to me - we are all still here and we keep going
0:14:20 > 0:14:24"and we are all going to keep trying and despair is a luxury."
0:14:26 > 0:14:28I was so pleased with myself for that tweet.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30I was, like, "I've got 100 characters left,
0:14:30 > 0:14:32"don't even need 'em - despair is a luxury."
0:14:32 > 0:14:35But I felt it cos for the first time in my life,
0:14:35 > 0:14:37when everything seemed to be bending and falling apart,
0:14:37 > 0:14:41I felt so keenly and acutely aware of all the privilege that
0:14:41 > 0:14:44I have in our society, the fact that I am young...
0:14:44 > 0:14:4634, young, please!
0:14:46 > 0:14:4927, sort of, please!
0:14:49 > 0:14:50And I'm fit!
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Well, I have better cardio than you would expect
0:14:52 > 0:14:54for somebody of my build.
0:14:55 > 0:15:00Don't look at this, this is insulin resistance. Look at the calves.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03It's a more representational picture.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07I feel immediately self-conscious! I'm, like, "Look at me!"
0:15:07 > 0:15:09and now I'm, like, "Don't look at me, please!"
0:15:09 > 0:15:13Just look at this. Anyone who looks at anything other than this...
0:15:15 > 0:15:17..forbidden.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21I'm young and I'm fit and, also, I felt for the first time,
0:15:21 > 0:15:24skin-crawlingly, sickeningly, fully aware of what it means
0:15:24 > 0:15:26to have white privilege in our society,
0:15:26 > 0:15:29the fact that I could walk around passing as white British
0:15:29 > 0:15:31when friends of mine didn't have that luxury, when they were
0:15:31 > 0:15:34having to put up with more shit than they were already putting up with,
0:15:34 > 0:15:37and I felt sick and desperate to do anything to be useful in
0:15:37 > 0:15:40any possible way, so I spent all day texting, tweeting, everything,
0:15:40 > 0:15:43contacting everyone I know, saying, "Listen, don't despair.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45"Despair is a luxury and we keep going and,
0:15:45 > 0:15:49"no matter what happens, we will keep trying and it's not over yet,
0:15:49 > 0:15:51"and I'm not being naive - I know it's hard, but we'll keep going."
0:15:51 > 0:15:53And that night I went to bed and I thought,
0:15:53 > 0:15:56"I have a purpose in all this and it's going to be all right."
0:15:56 > 0:15:58And I went to sleep and woke up the next morning
0:15:58 > 0:16:00and it hit me what had happened.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02LAUGHTER
0:16:02 > 0:16:05And then I freaked out! I freaked out!
0:16:05 > 0:16:09And what I've learned is that I am very good in a crisis...
0:16:10 > 0:16:15..but I am not excellent in the two weeks following a crisis.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21I also, like, I don't want you to think I'm sneering about Brexit.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24I know there's this whole narrative now about, like,
0:16:24 > 0:16:28"Oh, liberal elite sneering at normal people, liberal elite,"
0:16:28 > 0:16:31and I do think, like, am I really the liberal elite?
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Because I live in a rented basement
0:16:34 > 0:16:36and I always seem to have yoghurt on me.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43I had wished for better of the elite.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48But I don't want you to think I'm sneering, I do
0:16:48 > 0:16:51get that there are lots of different reasons why people vote for Brexit.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53I get that there are parts of this country that have been
0:16:53 > 0:16:58systematically alienated, degraded and deprived for 35 years,
0:16:58 > 0:17:00and then snake oil salesmen show up and they go,
0:17:00 > 0:17:02"Hey, I've got the answer to all your problems
0:17:02 > 0:17:04"and if you don't believe that, why not shake things up a bit?
0:17:04 > 0:17:06"And if you don't believe that,
0:17:06 > 0:17:09"why not kick those wankers back in London right in the teeth?"
0:17:09 > 0:17:12I get why people would vote for that, but what I don't get is...
0:17:12 > 0:17:16why do people not want me to go on a study abroad scheme?
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Why do they want to hurt me?
0:17:21 > 0:17:23I'm only relatively privileged.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28And I earned that privilege through luck.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32It's not fair.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Why do people want to vote to hurt me and make it harder for me
0:17:35 > 0:17:38to travel easily to the beautiful city of Copenhagen?
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Seriously, guys, Denmark is so great.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44All the men are so tall and emotionally unavailable.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51And there are so many fit dads with prams.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56And that's not creepy cos there's, like, a 50% divorce rate
0:17:56 > 0:17:57so it's always worth a punt.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00LAUGHTER
0:18:04 > 0:18:08That's the creepiest part of the show, but I refuse to retract it.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12It's there, it's true. Also it's got a sculpture museum, I've heard.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16All I've ever wanted to do was study in the beautiful city of Aarhus
0:18:16 > 0:18:19in Denmark and, if I'm honest, I've never researched whether or
0:18:19 > 0:18:23not there's a university there, but it's not worth me trying now!
0:18:23 > 0:18:24I'm so angry about it.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27That's the thing as well - I can't seem to get over my enmity
0:18:27 > 0:18:29and I keep thinking, there's this quote from
0:18:29 > 0:18:33To Kill A Mockingbird that I want to remember and rely on, right?
0:18:33 > 0:18:36You'll know the plot - in it, Atticus Finch is defending a man
0:18:36 > 0:18:39from trumped-up, completely false charges,
0:18:39 > 0:18:42but he's defending him from everyone he knows,
0:18:42 > 0:18:45and what he says is, he turns to his daughter and he says...
0:18:47 > 0:18:49"..Let's kill that mockingbird."
0:18:49 > 0:18:51LAUGHTER
0:18:58 > 0:19:01LAUGHTER CONTINUES
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Not one of you has read that book. Not one of you.
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Not one of you has read that book.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Not one of you, like, all of you are just, like,
0:19:07 > 0:19:09"Oh, that sounds plausible."
0:19:09 > 0:19:11That's not even what I was setting up, like,
0:19:11 > 0:19:13I was trying to set up something about unity and division
0:19:13 > 0:19:15and then I'm, like, "Let's kill a bird,"
0:19:15 > 0:19:17and you're, like, "Oh, that sounds good."
0:19:17 > 0:19:20That's fucking how Brexit happened, you dickheads! It's not right!
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Obviously that's not a quote in the book!
0:19:23 > 0:19:25The book is about justice and about kindness!
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Not one of you was, like, "Excuse me, that's not right."
0:19:28 > 0:19:30You were all just, like, "Oh."
0:19:31 > 0:19:33I'm so annoyed with you guys!
0:19:33 > 0:19:35That book was on the GCSE syllabus...
0:19:35 > 0:19:39or it was until Michael Gove decided that it wasn't written-by-a-man enough.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40LAUGHTER
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Took it off.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Took it off, but, luckily, once he finished being
0:19:44 > 0:19:48Education Secretary, he couldn't fuck up the country any more.
0:19:48 > 0:19:49Oh...
0:19:49 > 0:19:50Erm... LAUGHTER
0:19:50 > 0:19:53No, I'm sorry, that's not the real quote.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55If you guessed, it's not the real quote, so I'll do it properly.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Sorry, I don't want to fuck about. This is the real quote.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00It's kind of beautiful. It's genuinely important,
0:20:00 > 0:20:01cos everything's been so divided
0:20:01 > 0:20:03and it's about trying to come together again.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06What he does is, he turns to his daughter and he says...
0:20:06 > 0:20:08"You must remember, when we're done fighting these people,
0:20:08 > 0:20:11"that they're still our friends and, also, to kill a mockingbird."
0:20:11 > 0:20:13The last bit's not part of it,
0:20:13 > 0:20:15but I feel like if you don't put it on, it'll never end.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18That's the bit that I can't get to, I can't get to this idea of,
0:20:18 > 0:20:21how do we become friends? There are things I don't want to forgive.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23There are people who voted knowingly alongside racists
0:20:23 > 0:20:26and were pleased about it and I don't know how to get over that.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29I want to, but I can't, and I feel like, ever since Brexit,
0:20:29 > 0:20:33I have not been showering myself in glory as a human being.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35This is what I feel like, a near year...
0:20:35 > 0:20:38well, not a year, this is how I feel, like, six months
0:20:38 > 0:20:41of hand-wringing, this is what I feel like it's taught me, right?
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Because I do feel like I am this,
0:20:43 > 0:20:45and this might not be useful in the modern world
0:20:45 > 0:20:47and I feel sad about that, I feel desperate,
0:20:47 > 0:20:50cos, more than ever, I want to make a change to society that is
0:20:50 > 0:20:53positive, I want to be more humane, I want to fight back.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55The worse things seem to be getting, the more frightening things
0:20:55 > 0:20:58seem to be, I believe in what I believe in so much more.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01I feel like I will be a socialist at the end of this no matter what
0:21:01 > 0:21:03because I love it and I care about it,
0:21:03 > 0:21:06and I feel desperate to be useful to society and I want something better.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08The reason I called the show Something Better is not because
0:21:08 > 0:21:11I think I'm something better, it's because I want better for all of us.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14I feel like what is happening at the moment is such a waste,
0:21:14 > 0:21:16it is despicable, and I want better for us and that's the reason
0:21:16 > 0:21:19why, at 34, I became single, because I want love in my life
0:21:19 > 0:21:22and I want a family and I do live in a trailer park with my mum
0:21:22 > 0:21:25and I'm still here to say, "Fuck the free world."
0:21:27 > 0:21:29That last bit is from 8 Mile by Eminem.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37You've got to break up the tension, otherwise it's too earnest,
0:21:37 > 0:21:40but the thing is, other people are better than me already, like,
0:21:40 > 0:21:41I wanted to find people in the past
0:21:41 > 0:21:44and around the world to look up to, but the truth is that in London,
0:21:44 > 0:21:47there are people who have been getting on with stuff
0:21:47 > 0:21:50since before I decided to get involved and will continue to do so
0:21:50 > 0:21:53and they're people who are young enough and bold enough and
0:21:53 > 0:21:57brave enough to see all of this disaster, all of this fear,
0:21:57 > 0:22:00as an opportunity and not as the end of the world and I thought
0:22:00 > 0:22:05I would just explain one activist event that I feel blew my mind
0:22:05 > 0:22:07and changed my perspective, and I thought I'd tell you about a
0:22:07 > 0:22:10book that I'm reading as well, and that's kind of the end of the show.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12So this is what happened.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16Now, on the 6th of September, I was in Denmark.
0:22:16 > 0:22:17Don't hate me because you ain't me.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Please, it's so great.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Middle-aged women have specially adapted bicycles there
0:22:24 > 0:22:27so that they can put two dogs in the front of it.
0:22:27 > 0:22:28LAUGHTER
0:22:30 > 0:22:31If I moved there,
0:22:31 > 0:22:34I could go on maternity leave for, like, six years!
0:22:36 > 0:22:39I was in Denmark, but while I was in Denmark, there was
0:22:39 > 0:22:41an action that took place that
0:22:41 > 0:22:44was orchestrated by the UK branch of Black Lives Matter
0:22:44 > 0:22:47and that's an organisation that was set up last year
0:22:47 > 0:22:49and it was righteous and necessary and important,
0:22:49 > 0:22:51but what they did was,
0:22:51 > 0:22:54the people who ran the organisation worked in partnership with
0:22:54 > 0:22:58some green activists, and the green activists were largely white people
0:22:58 > 0:22:59and what happened was,
0:22:59 > 0:23:02the activists who were allied to the Black Lives Matter movement
0:23:02 > 0:23:06stormed the runway at London City Airport and they stopped a plane
0:23:06 > 0:23:09from taking off and the reason they did it was to highlight
0:23:09 > 0:23:10the fact that climate change is an issue
0:23:10 > 0:23:12that disproportionately affects people of colour
0:23:12 > 0:23:14and that air pollution in London is an issue
0:23:14 > 0:23:16that disproportionately affects people of colour,
0:23:16 > 0:23:19and the reason the activists who were affiliated in the movement,
0:23:19 > 0:23:22but not running the movement, did that bit of the action was
0:23:22 > 0:23:24so that the people who ran the movement could then use
0:23:24 > 0:23:28the press in the manner that fitted their campaign best, right?
0:23:28 > 0:23:31And the reason that they did it like that is because the activists
0:23:31 > 0:23:34who were people of colour get treated completely differently
0:23:34 > 0:23:35by police than the white activists,
0:23:35 > 0:23:38and I realised that I spent all last summer hand-wringing, like,
0:23:38 > 0:23:41"Why don't people take me seriously cos I'm on the left?
0:23:41 > 0:23:45"I don't smell of hemp. I don't even know what hemp smells like.
0:23:45 > 0:23:46"I smell of damp."
0:23:46 > 0:23:48LAUGHTER
0:23:48 > 0:23:51"Damp is different to hemp!
0:23:51 > 0:23:55"And I smell of these branded deodorants that my sister
0:23:55 > 0:23:58"brought home from a hairdressing competition. It's complicated."
0:23:59 > 0:24:03But I realised that is like this lovely privilege I have
0:24:03 > 0:24:07as a white British person, that I get called stupid and ridiculed
0:24:07 > 0:24:09in this quite soft way, but when people of colour protest, they
0:24:09 > 0:24:11get called thugs and they get beaten up
0:24:11 > 0:24:13and harassed by the police, right?
0:24:13 > 0:24:15And so these people, by working together, the people who had
0:24:15 > 0:24:18that privilege, could be useful to the people who ran the campaign,
0:24:18 > 0:24:20and the people who were running the campaign took the press,
0:24:20 > 0:24:23and they used it, and they got their message out there,
0:24:23 > 0:24:25and the action was a success cos people watched together, right?
0:24:25 > 0:24:26And I was, like,
0:24:26 > 0:24:30"Wow, I didn't realise how little I am being useful with
0:24:30 > 0:24:31"the privilege that I have,"
0:24:31 > 0:24:34and if you're lucky enough to be in the position that I'm in,
0:24:34 > 0:24:37you have a surplus and it is important, now more than ever,
0:24:37 > 0:24:40to try to be useful to people...
0:24:40 > 0:24:42And this is the bit where I get really, like...
0:24:42 > 0:24:45You know what I'm trying to say. Now... Or you don't.
0:24:45 > 0:24:46LAUGHTER
0:24:46 > 0:24:48I'm so awkward, it's appalling!
0:24:48 > 0:24:53Secondly, what it taught me is that the Daily Mail
0:24:53 > 0:24:58is the stupidest thing in the world and doesn't understand anything...
0:24:58 > 0:25:01because what happened was, the Daily Mail did a big report about
0:25:01 > 0:25:05the action and focused entirely on those activists who had blocked
0:25:05 > 0:25:08the plane and did a big photo spread about them
0:25:08 > 0:25:11and underneath each of the activists,
0:25:11 > 0:25:14they did a little epithet to describe them and, I swear to God,
0:25:14 > 0:25:17it was the most unintentionally funny thing I have ever seen
0:25:17 > 0:25:21in my life, and I'm going to prove it to you by reading them to you.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25So overexcited at the end of this. OK.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29This is the team of them, and this is their nicknames...
0:25:29 > 0:25:32"Self-proclaimed expert on lesbians."
0:25:32 > 0:25:33LAUGHTER
0:25:33 > 0:25:35It's a great start! It's a great start!
0:25:37 > 0:25:40"Climber who lives in a houseboat."
0:25:42 > 0:25:45What I like with all of these is, some of you are thinking,
0:25:45 > 0:25:47"Which one of them is her?"
0:25:47 > 0:25:48And none of them is me.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51"Buddhist Ben, the arms trade critic."
0:25:52 > 0:25:56If that is not the most lefty children's book
0:25:56 > 0:25:57you've ever heard of...
0:26:00 > 0:26:03"The ultimate green activist.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05"Cousin of Ralph Fiennes."
0:26:07 > 0:26:09That's just Britain, innit?
0:26:09 > 0:26:10"The luvvie Corbynista."
0:26:10 > 0:26:12That's not me - but are they single?
0:26:14 > 0:26:17"Organic farmer and scourge of capitalism."
0:26:17 > 0:26:20You can be both, Alex James of Blur!
0:26:20 > 0:26:21LAUGHTER
0:26:24 > 0:26:26But I think of that action all the time
0:26:26 > 0:26:28because I think of people working together for a common goal
0:26:28 > 0:26:32and people realising that the future is there for the taking, and this
0:26:32 > 0:26:35is a thing that I want to recommend to you just at the end of this.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37It's a book by Rebecca Solnit and it's called Hope In The Dark,
0:26:37 > 0:26:40and, I swear to God, it has got me through this past year.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43It's wonderful. And I'm recommending it to you even though
0:26:43 > 0:26:45I haven't finished reading it yet,
0:26:45 > 0:26:49which is a gamble cos I feel like the last page of it could be...
0:26:50 > 0:26:53"..and the true hope in the dark is white supremacy."
0:26:53 > 0:26:57And I'm, like, "No! No!
0:26:57 > 0:27:01"Not you as well, Solnit, not you as well!"
0:27:02 > 0:27:03But she talks about hope
0:27:03 > 0:27:06and she talks about the fact that hope is active, not passive.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09It's not just being blithe and saying, "Everything will be fine, don't worry about it,"
0:27:09 > 0:27:13and it's not being pessimistic either, it's saying, "Yeah, things are shit, but we still have
0:27:13 > 0:27:15"to get on with it," and I thought I'd read you this bit just
0:27:15 > 0:27:18to end my show and I really hope you've enjoyed it and I'm sorry I'm
0:27:18 > 0:27:21so awkward when I'm trying to talk about privilege, but it's difficult.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24I would say it's hardest for me out of everyone in society.
0:27:24 > 0:27:25LAUGHTER
0:27:27 > 0:27:30"Hope locates itself in the premises that we don't know
0:27:30 > 0:27:32"what will happen, and that in the spaciousness of uncertainty
0:27:32 > 0:27:34"is room to act.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36"Hope is an embrace of the unknown and the unknowable,
0:27:36 > 0:27:40"an alternative to the certainty of both optimists and pessimists.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43"It is the belief that what we do matters, even though
0:27:43 > 0:27:46"how and when it may matter, who and what it may impact,
0:27:46 > 0:27:48"are not things we can know beforehand.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51"And let's get that bird. Stupid bird.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54"I've got a knife. Let's kill it, the stupid bird! He's dead!"
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Erm, listen...
0:27:56 > 0:27:59Guys, you've been such a lovely crowd. I've been a nervous wreck
0:27:59 > 0:28:01and I've really appreciated you being here.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04My name's Josie Long, thank you so much for having me.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06I hope you have a great night, and goodbye.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08APPLAUSE