0:00:23 > 0:00:26You rotten thing!
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Ain't it fair, eh?
0:00:31 > 0:00:36Ain't it fair? You come home from work, no-one in, fire gone out,
0:00:36 > 0:00:38dinner burnt to a bloody cinder.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Oh, the wood's damp, it's gone out again.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47Where's she gone till this time, the silly moo?
0:00:48 > 0:00:51She should be in, in, in.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55Keep a fire going, look after my dinner.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Ain't it marvellous, eh? Ain't it marvellous?
0:00:58 > 0:01:02You come home from work, freezing cold house, no dinner.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Look at the time.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Where's the silly moo gone?
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Where the bloody hell have you been?
0:01:11 > 0:01:12I've been out.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16I know you've been out! When I come home and found you weren't here,
0:01:16 > 0:01:18I knew you was out. I ain't daft!
0:01:18 > 0:01:20I twigged that. I twigged you was out.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Yeah, well, I was.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24I know you was, you silly moo!
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Where? Where have you been? That's what I want to know.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Up the pictures.
0:01:29 > 0:01:30Up the pictures?
0:01:30 > 0:01:34Yeah. I been up the pictures with Mike and Rita, ain't I, Rita?
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Yeah. Up the pictures?
0:01:36 > 0:01:40Yeah. Nice film it was too, wasn't it, Rita? Yeah.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Ain't it marvellous, eh? Ain't it marvellous?
0:01:43 > 0:01:46I been at work all day flogging my guts out, I come home,
0:01:46 > 0:01:50freezing cold house, no dinner, she's been up the bloody pictures!
0:01:50 > 0:01:52I put your dinner in the oven.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56Yes. I know you did, and let it get burned to a bloody cinder!
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Well, it shouldn't have been.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01But it is! It is, look!
0:02:01 > 0:02:04It's completely incinerated.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05Do you think I can eat that muck?
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Well, I can't understand that.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16We didn't go out till four o'clock, did we, Rita?
0:02:16 > 0:02:18And I only left it under a very slow gas.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Yeah, Well, I didn't get home till half past seven.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23So it's been under that gas for three and a half hours!
0:02:23 > 0:02:27THREE AND A HALF HOURS! That's not my fault, is it?
0:02:27 > 0:02:29You come back at your proper time, half past five,
0:02:29 > 0:02:31it'd have been all right, wouldn't it?
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Look, I had to work overtime.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Well you should have phoned.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36How could I phone?
0:02:36 > 0:02:39We haven't got a phone, you silly great pillock!
0:02:41 > 0:02:44You could have rung the call box outside, like we usually do.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48Yeah! Look, I didn't know I was working overtime until five o'clock.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51You went out at four. It's not Mum's fault, is it?
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Look, she ain't got no right going up the pictures.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57She's supposed to be in here looking after my dinner.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Blimey, she's entitled to go out sometimes.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02She don't want to be stuck in here every day.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04What's wrong with the fire?
0:03:04 > 0:03:06It's gone out, that's what's wrong with it!
0:03:06 > 0:03:08If you go gadding off up the pictures
0:03:08 > 0:03:11you can't expect fires to look after themselves.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14I mean, they can't put their own coal on.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15They need someone here,
0:03:15 > 0:03:18with a shovel in their hand doing it for them.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21What, couldn't you put coal on the fire?
0:03:21 > 0:03:22I had to work overtime.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Well, you've been back two hours now,
0:03:25 > 0:03:27why couldn't you light the fire again?
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Because the rotten wood's damp, that's why. Mind out. I'll do it.
0:03:40 > 0:03:41What about my dinner?
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Well, perhaps Rita can fix you something while I light the fire.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Can you, Reet? Yeah, I suppose so.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53But I can't see why he couldn't have done it himself.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56He's been in long enough. He could have easily fried up something,
0:03:56 > 0:03:59but he'd rather sit on his backside and complain.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Honestly, he can't do a thing for himself, he can't.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03He's like a little baby. Look, you, look!
0:04:03 > 0:04:07I don't want none of your cheek. I'm your father. Oh, worse luck!
0:04:07 > 0:04:08You make me sick, you do.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10If you had it your way, Mum would never go out at all.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14You'd have her chained to the house, you would. Look! She's not your slave, you know.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Look! If Mike behaved towards me, the way you behave towards Mum sometimes,
0:04:17 > 0:04:19I'd leave him. I'd walk out, I would.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21What, that Scouse git?
0:04:21 > 0:04:25That long haired twit, no-one would blame you for walking out on him.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Look, Mike's got more consideration in his little finger
0:04:28 > 0:04:30than you've got in your entire body.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Don't you cook nothing for me.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Don't you do me nothing!
0:04:37 > 0:04:39I wouldn't eat it. I wouldn't.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41I'd choke on it after what you said.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43To your own father!
0:04:43 > 0:04:47Don't cook me nothing. Don't cook it because I won't eat it.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48Don't worry. I won't.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50You can starve for all I care.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59Oh!
0:05:00 > 0:05:03What do you want? Nothing.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Don't just sit there sulking.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09What do you want to eat? I told you, nothing.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12I don't want nothing from you lot.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14I know what I am to you, the onion.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16I'm just the onion.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19That's all I am. Just the onion. That's me.
0:05:19 > 0:05:20Go without then.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23He'll have to anyway, because there's nothing out there,
0:05:23 > 0:05:25and the cupboard's bare. Oh, dear.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29I forgot the groceries.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34That's rushing up the pictures that's done that.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Think I've got a few tins out there if you want them.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43Tins? I don't want no bloody tins, I want a proper dinner.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Proper hot dinner. Well, you can't have it, can you?
0:05:46 > 0:05:47You can't have what I ain't got.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Ain't it marvellous, eh? Ain't it marvellous?
0:05:50 > 0:05:52You work all day, flog your guts out,
0:05:52 > 0:05:56you flog your guts out for them. This is how you get repaid.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Never mind.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08It's only one day.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14Won't hurt you to go without for one day.
0:06:15 > 0:06:20Animals up the zoo go without once a week, does them good.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Better check if that kettle's boiling, Reet.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Mike'll be back soon with the fish and chips.
0:06:35 > 0:06:39Oh, you didn't say Mike was getting fish and chips.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42I mean, if you'd told me he was getting fish and chips...
0:06:42 > 0:06:44you ought to have said he was getting fish and chips.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46I don't mind fish and chips.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Oh, dear.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57What? Well, he's not getting you any.
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Well, we didn't know.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01HE GROANS
0:07:01 > 0:07:03We thought you'd had your dinner.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06We thought you'd have had your dinner and been up the pub by now.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10That was a big dinner I put in the oven for you.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14I thought you wouldn't be able to eat anything after that.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Mike asked if he should get you some.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19I said no.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24I said you wouldn't be hungry yet.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30Not after that big dinner I put in the oven for him.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32RITA LAUGHS
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Why don't you go over to the call box
0:07:43 > 0:07:46and ring the fish shop and ask Mike to bring you some back?
0:07:46 > 0:07:47Here's a couple of sixpences.
0:07:47 > 0:07:48Thanks.
0:07:50 > 0:07:51Oh, Dad, we didn't know.
0:07:54 > 0:07:55It's all right.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03THEY LAUGH
0:08:06 > 0:08:09I told you I do.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11I said I do.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Oh, Charlie.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17But I said it.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20All right.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23I love you.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Yes! Oh, Charlie!
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Oh, you are a caution.
0:08:30 > 0:08:31But I do.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33All right, I'll say it again.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37Bit of a girl. But I have already said it.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Oh, Charlie.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42But I do. I've said I do.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45All right, I'll say it again.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50I love you.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Yes, of course I mean it.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57No! No! There isn't.
0:08:57 > 0:09:01Just you. Oh, Charlie.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03It's all right. I've got some more sixpences.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Oh!
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Hello. Hello.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10PHONE DINGS
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Yeah. I've put it in.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Oi, are you going to be in there all night?
0:09:14 > 0:09:18Mind your own business! Look, I want to make a phone call.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Well, you'll have to wait, won't you?
0:09:20 > 0:09:23No, it's just some bald-headed old git out here
0:09:23 > 0:09:26and he wants to use the phone. OI!
0:09:26 > 0:09:28I know, that's what I told him, soppy old fool.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31Look! I know, that's what I said.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Some people, no manners at all.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Ignorant, they are. Dead ignorant.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39You're the one that's ignorant. You cheeky little hussy!
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Belt up, four eyes!
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Oh, if you was my daughter...
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Oh, well, I ain't am I?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Crikey! You hear that, Charlie?
0:09:48 > 0:09:51"His daughter", don't give me the creeps!
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Blimey! My old lady was fussy, mate.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59No, it's all right, Charlie.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03What, him? Old git face? Blimey, I ain't frightened of him.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05He starts anything I'll lay one on him.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Look, I need to use the phone you saucy little bitch!
0:10:08 > 0:10:12Hop it! There's plenty of other phone boxes.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14This one happens to be outside my house.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Look, it might be outside your house, baldy,
0:10:16 > 0:10:19but it wasn't put here for your own personal use, you know.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22No, and it weren't put there for your personal use neither.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24That is a public call box.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28Yes, and I was in it first, so why don't you push off.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30No, Charlie. No.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32But I do.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34I told you I do.
0:10:34 > 0:10:39No. I'm not going to say it again, not with old git face listening.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41I'll hang up now.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44I'll phone you later. Yeah?
0:10:44 > 0:10:48Yeah? All right, then.
0:10:48 > 0:10:49Oh!
0:10:52 > 0:10:55SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Come on. Come on.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02It ain't a bloody boudoir in there.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14I don't know the number!
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Sammy's... Sammy's.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21S-A-M-M... TELEPHONE RINGS
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Hello. 'Hello?
0:11:25 > 0:11:29'Hello. Hello!' Hello, hello, hello?
0:11:29 > 0:11:32'Is that Wapping 2356?' Well, this is a call box.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34'Yeah, I know. Wapping 2356, ain't it?
0:11:34 > 0:11:36'Stands on the corner of Wapping on the high street.'
0:11:36 > 0:11:39Yes, but look! 'Nip across the road to number 23 for us, will you?'
0:11:39 > 0:11:40Nip?
0:11:40 > 0:11:43'And tell Mrs Williams her brother, Ted, would like to speak to her.'
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Look... 'Two knocks, don't ring the bell
0:11:45 > 0:11:47'because it annoys her downstairs.'
0:11:47 > 0:11:48Look, I'm trying to make a phone call.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51'Yeah, but this is urgent, mate.' Well, my phone call's urgent, too.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54'Look, it won't take you a minute.' No! 'Look, get off the line.'
0:11:54 > 0:11:57I need to make a call. 'Look, it won't take you a minute, friend.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00'It's only across the road.' Look, get off this line.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02'Look, I'm asking you a favour, ain't I?'
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Are you going to get off this telephone? 'No.'
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Right. I'll fix you.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13'Look, it won't take you a minute.'
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Hop it!
0:12:22 > 0:12:24PHONE RINGS
0:12:24 > 0:12:25OPERATOR: 'Number please?'
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Operator, can you put me through to Sammy's Fish Bar, please,
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Wapping high street.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33'I'm sorry, sir, you'll have to ring Directory Enquiries.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35'Dial D-I-R, thank you.' What...
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Typical, buck passing...
0:12:45 > 0:12:47PHONE RINGS
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Come on! Come on!
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Blimey, hurry up!
0:12:56 > 0:12:58'Directory enquiries, can I help you?'
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Hurray! I thought you'd all gone to sleep up there.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03'Can I help you, please?'
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Yeah, I want the number of Sammy's Fish Bar.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08'Have you the address, please?' High street, Wapping.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11'Number, please?' That's why I'm ringing you, ain't it?
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Pillock! 'I beg your pardon?'
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Nothing, look, if I had the number,
0:13:16 > 0:13:18I wouldn't need to phone you, would I? Use your loaf.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20'I want the number of the shop.'
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Well, I don't know, there's only one down there.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24There's only one fish shop in the high street.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26'What's the name, then?'
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Eh?
0:13:27 > 0:13:30'Do you know the name of the people?'
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Yeah, of course I know the name, I told you.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Sammy! S-A-M-M-Y.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Sammy. 'I want the surname.'
0:13:37 > 0:13:38I don't know the surname.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41'Well, I can't tell you, then.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44'And there is no need to shout!' Look, I ain't shouting!
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Look, please. I've not had me dinner.
0:13:49 > 0:13:50There's only one fish shop in the high street.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Belongs to a fellow called Sammy.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54That's why they call it Sammy's Fish Shop.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Now, could you please get me the number, of his telephone,
0:13:57 > 0:14:00not his house. That isn't too much to ask, is it?
0:14:00 > 0:14:02'I'm sorry, I can't help you.'
0:14:02 > 0:14:03Ah!
0:14:05 > 0:14:08That is typical of your Labour government.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Having trouble? Trying to get the number of Sammy's.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Talking to them is like talking to a brick wall, stupid gits!
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Well, you don't need to now, do you? Why? I'm back.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25I don't suppose you got me any fish?
0:14:26 > 0:14:31No, but how did I know you wanted any? I mean, I'm not a mind-reader.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Ain't it nice, eh?
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Ain't it bloody nice?
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Do you want some of mine? No, I don't want any of yours!
0:14:43 > 0:14:46I want me own! So go up and get some then.
0:14:46 > 0:14:50Good, it is. He fries the best bit of fish in the area,
0:14:50 > 0:14:53he does, old Sammy.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55I mean, look. Look at it.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Marvellous.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03I've only ever tasted better fish than this once,
0:15:03 > 0:15:04and that was at Blackpool.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08You know, I reckon the reason why his fish is so good
0:15:08 > 0:15:11is because he's close to the market. Don't you?
0:15:11 > 0:15:14That's why. It's fresh, I reckon.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Do you want a couple of chips?
0:15:22 > 0:15:24If you want any, I'd get up there quick if I was you,
0:15:24 > 0:15:26before he sells out.
0:15:28 > 0:15:29I'll go up and get you some if you like, Dad?
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Oh, thanks.
0:15:32 > 0:15:33ALL: Mmmm!
0:15:48 > 0:15:51I thought you said you was going to go up and get me some?
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Well, let me finish mine first.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Yeah, but it's getting late, ain't it?
0:15:55 > 0:15:56I won't be long.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Well, put yours in the oven, keep warm till you get back.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00No, I don't want to.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06He sells out fast up there, don't he?
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Big crowd up there when I was there.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13I can't eat any more. Dad, do you want the rest?
0:16:13 > 0:16:16No, I don't want your leavings. I want me own! I'll have it.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18You vultures!
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Right, what do you want?
0:16:22 > 0:16:26Cod please, three pieces, two bob's worth of chips.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Pig!
0:16:34 > 0:16:36KNOCK AT DOOR
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Oh, can't eat any more.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40KNOCKING
0:16:40 > 0:16:41I'll get it.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46How long's she going to be with my fish and chips?
0:16:46 > 0:16:48My belly's twitching with hunger.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Why don't you put it in a cup and drink it?
0:17:06 > 0:17:08It was Rita, on the telephone.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11She said they haven't got any cod, only rock salmon and skate,
0:17:11 > 0:17:14what do you want? Tell her skate will do, and a couple of gherkins.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17You go and tell her. It's parky out there.
0:17:26 > 0:17:27But I do.
0:17:31 > 0:17:35I told you I do. Oh, Charlie,
0:17:35 > 0:17:38look, I do. I told you I do.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Oh, God! But I do.
0:17:41 > 0:17:42I do, Charlie.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Look, she do, she do, now get off this line!
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Hop it, you!
0:17:48 > 0:17:51Look, I need to make a phone call.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53I've not had my dinner. Well, you'll have to wait till I'm finished.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07That bit of a girl's out there in the call box.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09I'm never going to get my fish and chips.
0:18:09 > 0:18:13Girl? Hang on, I'll chat her up for you.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14You...
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Thank you.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31That's very nice of you.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38You randy Scouse git!
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Hey! I did it for you.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Oh, the number!
0:18:44 > 0:18:48Mike!
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Do you mind not making all that noise,
0:18:50 > 0:18:52I've got a baby in here asleep.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Mike! Mike! Did you hear what I said?
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Look, I'm trying to get my son-in-law out.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Well, you can go and tell him, can't you?
0:19:00 > 0:19:01You ain't got to shout.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Why don't you mind your own bloody business. Don't you swear at me!
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Belt up! Mike!
0:19:06 > 0:19:11You're a nuisance, you are down this street, pity you don't move.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15What do you want? What's Sammy's number? Well, I don't know.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Oh! God! Ring directory enquiries.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19It's no good calling them,
0:19:19 > 0:19:21they want surnames, addresses every blooming thing.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25Look, wait in the box a minute, she'll ring back. She's bound to.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28PHONE RINGS There you are. That's her now.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Hello. Reet, Rita.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Is that you, Rita? 'No, it's Ted Williams.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34'Would you do me a favour, and tell my sister
0:19:34 > 0:19:38'her brother, Ted's on the phone?' Look, get off the phone!
0:19:38 > 0:19:39PHONE RINGS
0:19:39 > 0:19:43Look, get off this phone you silly great pillock!
0:19:43 > 0:19:45'Dad, it's me, Rita.' Aargh!
0:19:47 > 0:19:49PHONE RINGS
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Hello, Rita? 'No, it's Ted...'
0:19:51 > 0:19:53HE SCREAMS
0:19:53 > 0:19:54'Would you do me...?'
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Are you finished? No, I'm not.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Well, I want to make a phone call.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Yeah? Well, you'll have to wait, won't you?
0:20:01 > 0:20:03You're not using it.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Look, I'm waiting for a call from my daughter.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Well, I want to phone my brother, Ted.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Yeah, and he wants to phone you.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12But you'll both have to wait because no-one's using this box
0:20:12 > 0:20:14until I get a call from my daughter.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18Look, I want to talk to my brother, Ted, it's very important.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Yeah? And I've not had my supper.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24As far as I'm concerned, that's a sight more important than you
0:20:24 > 0:20:26or that stupid git of a brother of yours!
0:20:26 > 0:20:27PHONE RINGS
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Hello, Rita, is that you?
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Is that you, Ted? Get off!
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Rita, is that you? 'Hello, Dad, is that you, Dad?'
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Yes, yes. Get off! Is that you Ted? Yes, it's me. It's me!
0:20:37 > 0:20:39'I've been trying to get you, look, what do you want?
0:20:39 > 0:20:40'Skate or rock salmon?'
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Anything. Anything, just fish and chips, but hurry!
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Please hurry. I'm starving.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52You can have it now. Ta.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56And when you get through to that brother of yours, tell him from me,
0:20:56 > 0:20:58he's a bloody stupid git!
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Did you get her? Yeah.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10What's all that row out of there?
0:21:10 > 0:21:13Oh, that soppy moo across the road shouting and hollering.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16She complained about you yesterday.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Complained about you swearing, she did.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Eh? Who swears? You. You swear.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Her next door's complained twice.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27I mean, these walls are only thin, you know.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Let her mind her own business, the nosy bloody moo!
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Well, I don't like it either.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35What? You swearing.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38I don't bloody swear, you silly bloody moo!
0:21:39 > 0:21:42You're swearing now, you're always swearing.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44You can't talk, it seems, without swearing.
0:21:44 > 0:21:48It's always "B" this, "B" that and "B" the other.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Bloody? That's not swearing.
0:21:51 > 0:21:52Well, I don't like to hear it.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Do you know where the word bloody comes from, do you?
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Blood. Out of your body.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01And if I cut my finger, what does it do?
0:22:01 > 0:22:04It bleeds. Don't it? It bleeds.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Well, if it don't there's something wrong with you.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09And what do I say if I cut my finger?
0:22:09 > 0:22:12I say, "Oh, look, my finger's bleeding.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16"My finger's all bloody." Now, is that swearing?
0:22:16 > 0:22:17No, it's not swearing then.
0:22:17 > 0:22:22Oh, but if I say, "Oh, look, my bloody finger's all bloody,"
0:22:22 > 0:22:24then that is swearing, according to you?
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Yes, it is then. No, you soppy moo!
0:22:26 > 0:22:29You're so inconsistent.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31It's the same word, different context.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34How can it be bloody swearing one minute,
0:22:34 > 0:22:35and bloody not swearing the next?
0:22:35 > 0:22:39It's just a lack of vocabulary, that's all that is.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42It's not swearing. Swearing is taking the Lord's name in vain,
0:22:42 > 0:22:44all you do is portray an empty mind, ain't it?
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Listen, you... Because you're inarticulate.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50That's your trouble. Inarticulate.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Eh? What? Listen to me you hairy nelly,
0:22:53 > 0:22:55There's nothing inarticulate about me.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Blimey, I know plenty of words other than bloody.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01I just wouldn't use them. I wouldn't use them in my own house.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03In front of my own wife.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Where's me fish and chips?
0:23:08 > 0:23:10By the time I got back to the shop they were sold out.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Oh-er! Sold out?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15You... It's not my fault, so don't go on at me.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17I had to hang about trying to phone you.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22Ain't it marvellous?
0:23:22 > 0:23:25MIKE LAUGHS What are you laughing at?
0:23:25 > 0:23:26I'm not laughing.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29This is all your fault.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31If you haven't gone up the pictures...
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Before you start there's a phone call waiting for you in the box.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Eh?
0:23:46 > 0:23:49Hello? 'Is that Mr Garnett?'
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Yes, speaking. 'This is Ted Williams.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56'And I'd like to tell you if anyone's a bloody stupid git,
0:23:56 > 0:23:58'it's you, mate!'
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Aaaargh!
0:24:47 > 0:24:49What's new on BBC Two?
0:24:49 > 0:24:52A proper divorce is built on a solid foundation of hate.