0:00:16 > 0:00:19Ladies and gentlemen. We present Tony Hancock in...
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Ha-ha, Hancock's Half Hour.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36It is always a very important event in any street when new neighbours
0:00:36 > 0:00:39move in. The furniture van draws up,
0:00:39 > 0:00:42the removal men start unloading the furniture onto the pavement,
0:00:42 > 0:00:43and carrying it into the empty house.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46On the face of it, no-one is particularly concerned.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49There is no reception committee, all the front doors are shut.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51The street is deserted.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Can it be that no-one is interested?
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Don't you believe it. Not a move is being missed.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Every egg cup is being counted. BIKE BELL RINGS
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Mr Hancock, would you please sign these fan letters?
0:01:15 > 0:01:17I'd like to get them off in this morning's post.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Shush! Shush! Quiet! Oh, come away from the window.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Oh, shut up!
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Stone me, look at this stuff going in here.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Radio, television set, big screen.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Must be all of eight inches.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33They're rich, I tell you, rich!
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Nip into the kitchen and see what we're short of.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Come away from the window, it's nothing to do with you.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41What will the neighbours think if they see you?
0:01:41 > 0:01:44They won't see me. They're too busy pricing the furniture.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Look, all the way down the street, not a curtain in place.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Old Mother Higgins over there, look at her.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Standing with her back to the window,
0:01:51 > 0:01:53trying to kid them she's not interested.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54Perhaps she isn't.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Of course she is. She's got a dirty great mirror on the opposite wall!
0:01:59 > 0:02:01They're all the same.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03This is the nosiest street in the district.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Mrs Brown at number 12, lying on the floor with her
0:02:05 > 0:02:08periscope poking over the windowsill.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10And those three old maids living next door to her,
0:02:10 > 0:02:12they're taking it in turns - shift work.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14One watching, one making tea,
0:02:14 > 0:02:17and the other writing poison pen letters.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18Dead nosey, they are!
0:02:18 > 0:02:20If I had my way, I'd...
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Hello! Hello!
0:02:23 > 0:02:27Flash curtains that's going in there, aren't they?
0:02:27 > 0:02:29What revolting colours.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Never do down this street, they won't.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Honestly, you're just as bad as the others.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37I am not. How dare you? It's none of your business. Oh, yes, it is.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40I have a perfect right to know what sort of people
0:02:40 > 0:02:41are moving in next door to me.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43We want no undesirables around here.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46You can always tell what people are like by what they've got.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Look, look. Look, look, look.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53Look what's going in now. Vacuum cleaner, washing machine,
0:02:53 > 0:02:55box of tinned food.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Goes to show what sort of wife he's got.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Bone idle.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Feet up, box of chocolates, Mrs Dale's Diary,
0:03:01 > 0:03:03and she's away for the day.
0:03:03 > 0:03:04Well, that's ridiculous.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08I know the type. Dyed blonde hair, out every night, back about one,
0:03:08 > 0:03:12and not with him. He ought to be told about it.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Always the last to know, the husband.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16I bet he's a little bloke, works hard, married a fancy bit,
0:03:16 > 0:03:1820 years younger than him.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Never work out, those marriages.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22You haven't even seen them yet.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24I don't have to see 'em. You can tell.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Hello. Hello.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Yes. There goes the cocktail cabinet.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Look at the size of that.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Her and her fancy friends, that's for.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35I bet he never gets a look in.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37I bet she don't let him out, either.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41Five minutes down the park with the dog, that's his lot.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Well, come away from the window. It's all over now.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47They've everything in. You won't find out anything more about them.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Well, that's where you're wrong, you see.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51I've got old Harris, from upstairs, watching.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54A sort of double check, to make sure we haven't missed anything.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56I've sent him out on a recce.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Where is he? Out in the front garden.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Well, I can't see him.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Yes, you can. You see that big rhododendron bush
0:04:02 > 0:04:06growing in next door's front garden? Which one?
0:04:06 > 0:04:10The one that just nipped back across the lawn and jumped over the fence.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16That's Mr Harris?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Yes, I think so. Or is he the rose bush?
0:04:19 > 0:04:21No, that's Mrs Brown's old man.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Yes, this is Mr Harris.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24Look, he's on his way back.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Quick, open the door, let him in.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Oh! Oh!
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Come on, don't just stand there.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Help me get this foliage off.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Close the door. Well, did you get the list?
0:04:38 > 0:04:42Yes, and I don't mind telling you I feel very ashamed of myself.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44It's not right, spying on people.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45They are entitled to privacy.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47I don't know why I agreed to do it.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Because you're getting half a dollar out of it, mush, that's why.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Now, give us that list.
0:04:52 > 0:04:53There you are.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55It's all down. Everything they own.
0:04:55 > 0:04:56I didn't miss a thing.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00Good lad. Now, let's have a look.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03What have they got that I haven't?
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Practically everything.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07All right, well, never mind about that.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11Just read out the list. Well, there were two crates of crockery, lino,
0:05:11 > 0:05:13carpets, coal scuttle, curtains...
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Coal scuttle? Yes. That means they have coal.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Yes. Well, thank goodness for that.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21I thought we were going to have to chop down
0:05:21 > 0:05:24another telegraph pole this winter. What else have they got?
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Tables, chairs, a radiogram, a lawnmower.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29Lawnmower?
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Give them a couple of days to settle in, we'll have that.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34What sort of bloke do you think he is?
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Well, I'd say lower-middle-class,
0:05:36 > 0:05:38but quite well educated judging by his bookcase.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Reads a lot.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44Mostly crime stuff, authentic accounts of famous murderers,
0:05:44 > 0:05:48I saw The Mass Murderer Of Leipzig, The Bluebeard Of Bordeaux,
0:05:48 > 0:05:50The Basingstoke Wife Murderers,
0:05:50 > 0:05:54Case Histories And Methods Of 100 Homicidal Maniacs...
0:05:54 > 0:05:57He's got a big trunk full of assorted women's clothing.
0:05:57 > 0:06:02A large collection of guns, daggers and axes,
0:06:02 > 0:06:07a lot of gardening equipment - spades, pickaxes, forks,
0:06:07 > 0:06:09probably does a lot of digging.
0:06:09 > 0:06:16A large zinc bath and...an incinerator.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Oh, well, he seems harmless enough!
0:06:22 > 0:06:26Did you say women's clothing? Yes. Probably his wife's.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28No, no, no, no. He lives alone.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30They only took one bed in, a single bed.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32There you are, you see, Mr Hancock, you were wrong.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36He's not married. Not necessarily. What does a single bed prove?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38They could be two very thin people.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42Well, there's nothing more we'll find out about him at the moment.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Now, I'll make out the rota for tonight.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Synchronise watches.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Two hours on, four off.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50You make the cocoa, and good luck, chaps.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Dear, Oh, dear.
0:07:22 > 0:07:2420 past seven.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Hold on, he's coming out again.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Quick, get back behind the curtains!
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Now where's he going this time?
0:07:30 > 0:07:33I don't know. Strange how he always goes out at night.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35You never see him during the day.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37What's that he's carrying under his arm?
0:07:37 > 0:07:38Looks like a bundle of old clothes.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Let's see now, yes.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Red blouse and a black skirt.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45Wait a minute. Red blouse, black skirt, no,
0:07:45 > 0:07:46it's not on the list of stuff that went in.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Well, perhaps it arrived afterwards.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51No, the only thing that's gone into that house since he arrived
0:07:51 > 0:07:53was that girl he brought home last night.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Oh, yes. The one who was dead drunk.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Out cold. He had to carry her in.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02The only clothes she had with her were the ones she was wearing...
0:08:02 > 0:08:04A red blouse and a black skirt.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06When did she leave?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Well, I don't know. I didn't see her leave.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Well, she didn't leave while I was on duty.
0:08:10 > 0:08:11Eileen! Oh, God...
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Creeping up on me like that!
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Have you seen a young woman come out from next door?
0:08:18 > 0:08:22No. But I did see him go out at three o'clock this morning.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Just by himself? Yes.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Apart from a big sack he was carrying over his shoulder.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29A big sack? What was in it?
0:08:29 > 0:08:31A pile of bones.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Bones?
0:08:33 > 0:08:36What did he do with them? He buried them in the back garden.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38I knew it. I knew it! I knew I was right.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41You said it was no business of mine, well, I was right,
0:08:41 > 0:08:42it's just as I suspected.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45What? That dog of his, it's dead lazy,
0:08:45 > 0:08:47it won't even bury its own bones.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50But what about the girl?
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Well, keep looking, she'll have to come out sooner or later.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Well, I don't like it.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Spying on that poor little man.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00You've been watching his every move since he arrived.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02I'm merely trying to find out what he's up to.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05You have to admit he's been acting very strange.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Not a noise out of him during the day,
0:09:07 > 0:09:09and then as soon as it strikes midnight, he's at it.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13Choppers being sharpened, an incinerator burning all night,
0:09:13 > 0:09:17that wolfhound of his baying at the moon...
0:09:17 > 0:09:20And him nipping up and down the garden path in a dirty great cloak,
0:09:20 > 0:09:22digging holes all over the place.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Gives you the willies!
0:09:25 > 0:09:27I wouldn't mind if he was sociable, but he won't talk to you.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Well, have you tried?
0:09:29 > 0:09:30Of course I have.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32I called to him over the fence yesterday morning.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35What did you say? Asked if I could have me ball back.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39Well, why didn't you just climb over the fence and get it back yourself?
0:09:39 > 0:09:41I tried that. I was halfway over and a dirty great chopper
0:09:41 > 0:09:43came flying out of the kitchen window.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Nearly split me asunder.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Took 4.5 inches off me shoulder pad.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51I'm sure he doesn't want anyone to find out
0:09:51 > 0:09:54what's going on inside that house. Yes.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58There is something sinister about that man.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01What's he burning in that incinerator?
0:10:01 > 0:10:03And where's that girl?
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Why has he got a zinc bath full of acid?
0:10:06 > 0:10:07I mean, what's going on in there?
0:10:07 > 0:10:10I mean, what sort of monster have we got living next door to us?
0:10:10 > 0:10:13You're a man, you've got to do something about it!
0:10:13 > 0:10:16You've got to do something about it! All right, all right, I'm going to!
0:10:16 > 0:10:19What? Leave that ball where it is and buy another one!
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Mr Hancock, you've got to do something about this man.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28I mean, where does he come from?
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Who is he? We must find out more about him.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Yes, you're coming round to my way of thinking now, aren't you?
0:10:33 > 0:10:35I'm not as daft as I look, am I?
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Let's go to the police. No, no.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41We can't do that. What can we prove?
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Besides, they won't take any notice of us.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46We've had them out here on wild goose chases before.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Remember that foggy night last November?
0:10:49 > 0:10:51You and your dial 999, "There's two tall,
0:10:51 > 0:10:54"thin men with big heads lurking on the corner
0:10:54 > 0:10:55"signalling to each other"?
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Well, how was I to know they'd just fitted a zebra crossing?
0:11:02 > 0:11:04No, no, we've got to do this by ourselves.
0:11:04 > 0:11:05But where do we start?
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Find out who he is.
0:11:07 > 0:11:08Yes, but how?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Easy, we'll go and have a word with the estate agent
0:11:11 > 0:11:12he bought the house from.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Good idea. Let's see now, who is the estate agent?
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Oh, look, they've still got the board up in the front garden.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Oh, yes. Sold by...
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Hello, it's the same people we got ours from.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Albert Slum and Company.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Now, don't forget. When we speak to this estate agent
0:11:33 > 0:11:34be careful what you say.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36We've got to be dead crafty over this.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39We've got our suspicions, but we might be wrong.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42We can't go around accusing people without proof or we might get in
0:11:42 > 0:11:45trouble. We've got to worm the information gently out of him.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Don't be too eager. Gradually get round to it.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51The subtle approach, that's what we want.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53The subtle approach.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Who's that murderer we've got living next door to us?!
0:11:57 > 0:11:59So much for the subtle approach.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03We'd like to have a word with your manager, please.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Certainly. Who shall I say wishes to see him?
0:12:07 > 0:12:10My card.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Anthony Hancock.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14I see.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Actually, he doesn't have anybody with him at the moment
0:12:17 > 0:12:19so perhaps you'd like to go straight in.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Thank you, my man, you've been most 'elpful.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23'Ave a toffee.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Hello, Hancock. Sidney James.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29What are you doing here? Where's the manager?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32I'm the manager. I took the business over last week.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Always wanted to get into this estate agent racket.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37And where, pray, is the former owner, Mr Albert Slum?
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Well, he had to, um, retire because of his health.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43What was wrong with him? A bump came up on his head. Oh?
0:12:43 > 0:12:45It was one of those unfortunate accidents
0:12:45 > 0:12:47that could happen to anybody.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50I took him down the building site to discuss terms with him.
0:12:50 > 0:12:51All of a sudden, what do you think?
0:12:51 > 0:12:54What? Half a pound of sand fell on top of his head.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Half a pound? How did it do all that damage?
0:12:57 > 0:12:59I can't understand it. I wrapped it in a sock.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Now then. What can I do for you?
0:13:02 > 0:13:05Well, as you know, we live in one of your houses.
0:13:05 > 0:13:06And you've got a complaint?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09No, no. It's all right, Sid. You can put the sock away.
0:13:09 > 0:13:10We just wanted to ask you...
0:13:10 > 0:13:12There is nothing wrong with the place.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14No, I know. You are not getting a new roof.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17No, I know. There's nothing wrong with the roof. I know, but...
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Those tarpaulins are as good as tiles any day.
0:13:19 > 0:13:20Of course they are. Well, then.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22I didn't come here to complain about the roof.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24What's wrong with the plumbing? Nothing. I just want to...
0:13:24 > 0:13:27That plumbing's as good now as the day it was put in.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29It hasn't been put in yet! It doesn't matter.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31When it goes in it will be good. Well, I'm glad to hear it.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34No-one else has complained about the pump at the end of the street.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Neither am I... The water's all right once it's been boiled.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Yes, of course it is. If you don't like it
0:13:39 > 0:13:41I can always get someone else to live there.
0:13:41 > 0:13:42Yes, I expect you can.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45I can get 20 nicker a week off those American airmen any day.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Yes, I know, I've got three living in the loft.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Now look... I don't know what you're talking about,
0:13:50 > 0:13:52dry rot on the living room floor? I never mentioned it.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54I should think not. It was there before you were.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56I haven't even noticed. I just want to...
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Those walls are not falling to bits. I never said they were!
0:13:59 > 0:14:02That big, gaping hole in the dining room was part of the design.
0:14:02 > 0:14:03It's a service hatch.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Yes, from the dining room through to the street! That's right.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08So help me, I didn't know there were two floorboards
0:14:08 > 0:14:11missing in the bedroom. Yes, well, you see...
0:14:11 > 0:14:12Don't worry, the ceilings are quite safe,
0:14:12 > 0:14:15if you don't walk about too much. Sid, will you listen to me?
0:14:15 > 0:14:17I haven't come here to complain about the house.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20There's nothing wrong with the house. I'm quite happy with it.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23You are? Yes. Good. As of next week the rent's up another 25 bob.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Goodnight.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Well, I hope you're satisfied. I'm not paying any more.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33You'll have to pay it. Sid, look. Are you still here?
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Let me explain. We can't afford your explanations.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40Let me take care of it. Mr James, I shall come straight to the point.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42We're very interested in the man who's living next door to us.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45All right, where do you live? You know where we live. No, I don't.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48You've just explained everything that's wrong with the place.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51All my properties are like that. It could be any of them.
0:14:51 > 0:14:52Where do you live?
0:14:52 > 0:14:5423 Railway Cuttings.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Yes, and we want you to tell us everything you know
0:14:56 > 0:14:59about the chap who's moved in to number 25.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Oh, I'm sorry. I can't divulge any information about my clients.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04It's against all the ethics of the estate agent's charter.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06It's more than my entire business is worth.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10Now, I'm sorry. I am not allowed to tell you anything about him.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Born 1898, poor family, left school when he was...
0:15:14 > 0:15:16All right, let's have all this slowly.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Who is he? What does he do? Where does he come from?
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Well, to tell you the truth, I don't know much about his private life.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24He came to see me about a month ago, said he was looking for a big house,
0:15:24 > 0:15:25in a quiet part of town.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28Where he wouldn't be disturbed, and he'd be left alone,
0:15:28 > 0:15:29no questions asked.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31And neighbours who'd mind their own business,
0:15:31 > 0:15:34and wouldn't keep watching and spying on him.
0:15:34 > 0:15:35Well, he's up to no good.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37He's a dangerous man.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Nonsense! He's a little, meek inoffensive bloke.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43So was Crippen. I tell you, he's all right.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46His money's good, and that's all I'm concerned with.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Oh, if only you knew. Girls disappear.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50The incinerator's burning all night.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52He digs holes all over the place,
0:15:52 > 0:15:55and he takes bundles of clothes away and disposes of them.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57You've no idea what goes on in that house at night-time.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00I've no idea what goes on in a lot of my houses at night-time.
0:16:00 > 0:16:01That's why the rents are so high.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07Well, something ought to be done. None of us are safe.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10You're imagining things. I tell you, he's perfectly harmless.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Now, go home and forget about it.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Very well,
0:16:14 > 0:16:16but don't say I didn't warn you.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18We shall all be murdered in our beds.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20You think so? Yes. Right.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22As from today I want the rent in advance, cheerio.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Good day to you.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29Murdered in their beds.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31You buzzed, Sid?
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Yeah, Fred, you handled the deal with that bloke
0:16:33 > 0:16:35who moved in next door to Hancock. What do you know about him?
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Oh, you mean Mr Tomkins? The waxwork maker?
0:16:38 > 0:16:40The what? He makes waxwork models.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Very clever man. Just a minute, just a minute.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Where does he do all this? At home.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47He's turned the house into a workshop.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50I was chatting to him about it. Ever such a nice man.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52You see, he goes down to the waxworks,
0:16:52 > 0:16:55and collects the old models they don't want any more,
0:16:55 > 0:16:58then he brings them home and melts them down in the incinerator
0:16:58 > 0:16:59in his back garden. Go on.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Then he makes new models from the wax. Does very well out of it.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04He makes a fortune on the second-hand clothes
0:17:04 > 0:17:05he takes off the old models.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08He bundles them up, and every night he takes them
0:17:08 > 0:17:09to the rag-and-bone man down the road.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12He does all that chamber of horrors stuff.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14That's his department.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17He's got a wonderful collection of choppers and knives, and things.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19They go with the models when he's finished them.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21You should see his reference books.
0:17:21 > 0:17:26All the bloodthirsty murderers that ever happened.
0:17:26 > 0:17:27Lovely!
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Yeah, but why all the mystery?
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Why does he have to do all his work at night-time?
0:17:32 > 0:17:35So no-one will see him. It saves a lot of bother.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37He used to work in the day, but he had so much trouble
0:17:37 > 0:17:39with the neighbours he had to turn it in.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42You wouldn't believe this, but they all thought he was a mass murderer!
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Isn't that silly? Laughable.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49I saw him this morning. Says he's got a very busy night tonight.
0:17:49 > 0:17:5223 models to be collected and melted down.
0:17:52 > 0:17:53Reckons he'll be at it all night.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10One o'clock. Still no sign of him.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Half an hour since he drove off.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15I wonder where he went. To find some more victims, no doubt.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Now, don't forget, if we see anything suspicious,
0:18:17 > 0:18:18we phone the police.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Oh, look, he's coming back. There's his van.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Quick, turn the lights out. Action stations.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26What's in the van? Can you see?
0:18:26 > 0:18:28I can't quite make it out.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Ah! What?
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Bodies.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Dead bodies.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39Dozens of them. The van's packed with dead bodies!
0:18:39 > 0:18:40Hello!
0:18:42 > 0:18:44This bodes dodgy.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51Look, he's carrying them up the path, one under each arm.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54And a couple of legs sticking out of his pocket.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Oh, what sort of monster is he?
0:18:57 > 0:19:00What's that he's dribbling across the grass?
0:19:02 > 0:19:04A head.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07A head?
0:19:07 > 0:19:10A head?! The fiend!
0:19:10 > 0:19:12The inhuman fiend!
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Dribbling a head across the grass! What kind of a man would...
0:19:15 > 0:19:17He's pretty good though, isn't he?
0:19:19 > 0:19:21You've got to hand it to him. He knows what he's doing.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24That's a nifty left foot he's got there.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Oh, well played, sir.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Did you see that body swerve?
0:19:29 > 0:19:31He was around that rose bush like a...
0:19:31 > 0:19:32Oh, there it is.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Goal! Straight through the front door.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Yes, we could use him on our local team.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41All he needs is a ball instead of that head.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Instead of that... Police!
0:19:43 > 0:19:44Call the police!
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Help! He's a lunatic!
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Police! Police! Police!
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Why don't the police hurry up and arrive?
0:19:55 > 0:19:58We called them ten minutes ago. Where are they?
0:19:58 > 0:20:01If they don't get a move on, he'll have got rid of the evidence.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03He's already started up the incinerator.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06I'm scared. I'm sure he knows that we suspect something.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08He'll be after us next.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11We'll all be put in that incinerator along with the rest of them.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13She's right, you know. He'll have our heads off.
0:20:13 > 0:20:14He wants to get his goal average up.
0:20:16 > 0:20:17We've got to do something.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Wait! Listen!
0:20:20 > 0:20:22The police, they've arrived.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25We're safe. He won't dare touch us now.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29Quick, open the door. Let them in. Safe at last.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Our heads won't be at his feet after all.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Good evening. Oh, dear, oh, dear.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36What are you doing here?
0:20:36 > 0:20:37I'm the police, I am.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Well, no wonder Fabian of the Yard retired.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Don't be like that. I'm sorry I'm a bit late,
0:20:42 > 0:20:43but I had my feet in a mustard bath.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46All this walking about gives you shocking blisters, you know.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Yes, I'm sure it does. I got here as soon as I could.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52But by the time I dried my feet and put a new pea in me whistle...
0:20:52 > 0:20:53Yes, all right.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Where's the rest of them? Rest of who?
0:20:55 > 0:20:57The policemen, from the station.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59There's only me. I'm the only one on duty tonight.
0:20:59 > 0:21:00There must be some more somewhere.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Oh, there are, hundreds of them.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Well, where are they? Stag's Head.
0:21:04 > 0:21:05Darts match every Wednesday night.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Except for me.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09They won't let me play. They won't let me have a go at anything.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12What a shame. Tug-of-war, policeman's ball,
0:21:12 > 0:21:13coach outings to Brighton,
0:21:13 > 0:21:15I've never been on any of them.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18I always put me name down, but they always cross it off.
0:21:18 > 0:21:19Because they don't like me, you know.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22They make me stay at home and look after the station.
0:21:22 > 0:21:23Yes, well, next door...
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Between you and me... Cor blimey!
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Between you and me, you're dead lucky to find me in.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30I'd only just come back from me night beat.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Yes, very interesting, now this bloke next door...
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Before that I was on traffic duty
0:21:34 > 0:21:36and then I had to report all the accidents.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39What accidents? The ones that happened when I was on traffic duty.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41It wasn't my fault, honest, it wasn't.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43I was doing all right.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Then me mum walked by, and I waved to her and...
0:21:46 > 0:21:49Oh, dear, another mishap. Yes, I'm sure it was.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Now... Bashed up cars all over the shop.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55I was knocked down meself, cos they're trying to get rid of me,
0:21:55 > 0:21:57you know. They always put me on where there's no speed limit.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Well, that's something. Look, we're in dead trouble...
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Between you and me I like night beat best of all.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Yes, I'm sure you do. Now, this bloke next door...
0:22:04 > 0:22:06I have to go in all the shop doorways
0:22:06 > 0:22:07to see they're locked up.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Yes, look, this guy, he's dangerous.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12You should see some of the things that go on in shop doorways!
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Look, I'm not interested! There's a homicidal maniac next door,
0:22:15 > 0:22:17and we'll all be killed if you don't go...
0:22:17 > 0:22:18What sort of things?
0:22:19 > 0:22:23I shine me torch in and there are couples in there, kissing.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25I have to break them up and send them home.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Well, the blokes, anyway.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32Of course, I'm a bit of a devil meself.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Aren't we all? Oh, yes.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37I try all the doorways, one after another, you know, sometimes,
0:22:37 > 0:22:40on a good night I don't get back to the station at all!
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Now, what was it you wanted me for?
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Wait a minute, I can't remember.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Oh, yes, we want you to arrest the bloke next door.
0:22:51 > 0:22:52He's a homicidal maniac.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54He's got dozens of dead bodies in his house,
0:22:54 > 0:22:57and he chops them up and puts them in his incinerator,
0:22:57 > 0:22:59then he buries the leftovers and goes out and murders some more.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Well, everyone to his own trade.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03You don't understand.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05The man's a mass murderer.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Oh, that's against the law, isn't it?
0:23:07 > 0:23:10Yes, exactly. And if you hurry up, you'll catch him in the act.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14Oh, how thrilling, I've never caught a murderer before.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Come to think of it, I've never caught anybody before.
0:23:16 > 0:23:21Except the blokes in the shop doorways. Well, yes. Murderer, eh?
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Oh, if I catch a murderer they'll be pleased with me, won't they?
0:23:24 > 0:23:26They might even put me on the tug-of-war team.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29With a bit of luck they'll use you as the rope! Well, yes.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Please, hurry, Constable, before it's too late.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39He's out there now, throwing them into the furnace.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Well, let's have a look. Look, down there in the garden.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Oh!
0:23:44 > 0:23:45Has he murdered all of them?
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Yes, and if you don't do something, we'll all be done for.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51It's your duty to go down there and arrest him.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Let's stop messing about.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Are you going to arrest him or not?
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Tell you what, you do it, here's me hat. Go on down there!
0:23:57 > 0:23:58I demand you arrest this monster!
0:23:58 > 0:24:01But I don't like to. I don't even know him.
0:24:01 > 0:24:02Go on down there, go on! I don't want to go.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Go on, you're the law! All right, then. But you come with me.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08All right. I'll come with you. Through the back door.
0:24:18 > 0:24:19There he is, by the incinerator.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Look at him throwing all them bodies in.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24He don't care, do he? Look.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27He's a political assassin now as well.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Look who he's throwing in - Macmillan,
0:24:30 > 0:24:34Thorneycroft, Selwyn Lloyd, Rab Butler...
0:24:36 > 0:24:38He's got half the government in there.
0:24:38 > 0:24:39He's a raving lunatic!
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Oh, I don't know, though, perhaps he knows what he's doing.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45We must stop him before he goes any further.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Climb over the wall and arrest him.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Yes, all right. Hold on.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51You're the policeman. Oh, yes, so I am.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54We'll both climb over. Give us a lift up.
0:24:54 > 0:24:55Oh!
0:24:58 > 0:25:01There's your evidence. The bath full of acid, or whatever it is he uses.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Mind you don't lose your balance, you'll fall in.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Don't you worry about me, you get on with your job.
0:25:06 > 0:25:07Arrest him! Oh, all right.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10I arrest you in the name of the...
0:25:10 > 0:25:12In the name of the...
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Law. That's it. In the name of the law!
0:25:15 > 0:25:18I have to warn you that anything you say will have to be repeated,
0:25:18 > 0:25:20because I'm a slow writer.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24That's it.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Go on, take him away.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Good lad. Assassin!
0:25:28 > 0:25:33Murderer! Yes, you thought you could get away with it, didn't you?
0:25:33 > 0:25:35You didn't reckon on Sexton Hancock.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40The fools, they're going to fall.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44Look out, mind the bath, you'll fall into it!
0:25:44 > 0:25:48I'm going in! I'm going! THEY SCREAM, SPLASHING
0:25:50 > 0:25:51Oh, dear.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00And over there we have the finest Burke and Hare,
0:26:00 > 0:26:02the well-known body snatchers.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05As you can see, in the act of snatching one.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07That, of course, is Doctor Crippen,
0:26:07 > 0:26:10who was the first criminal ever to be arrested by wireless.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16And now, we come to the newest addition to our collection.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20One of the most common scenes in the history of British crime.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23This set piece depicts a police constable
0:26:23 > 0:26:26arresting a man in a shop doorway.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34Note the vicious expression on the face of the little fat one.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38We can only guess what he's saying to his colleague.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40You wait till I get this wax off me!
0:26:40 > 0:26:43I shall bash the living daylights out of you!
0:26:43 > 0:26:45It wasn't my fault. I wish I'd never listened to you.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47I'll never get on that tug-of-war team now.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Oh, shut up. That's all very well for you to say,
0:26:49 > 0:26:51I've got a very nasty itch.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Your itching is the least of your worries...
0:26:54 > 0:26:57APPLAUSE