0:00:01 > 0:00:03This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:03 > 0:00:06I'm late for an interview and I might have cancer of the fucking arse!
0:00:06 > 0:00:08If this paper were in trouble, it'd be pieces on blokes
0:00:08 > 0:00:10rooting sheilas for five hours that'd keep it afloat.
0:00:10 > 0:00:11- Is it in trouble?- Nuh.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14- What's going on with Neil? - The editor's sacking people.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17Is Wasp Warneke someone you'd like to photograph?
0:00:17 > 0:00:18Oh, yeah!
0:00:18 > 0:00:20Rita!
0:00:26 > 0:00:28# The wintergreen, the juniper
0:00:28 > 0:00:33# The cornflower and the chicory
0:00:33 > 0:00:38# Well, all of the words you said to me
0:00:38 > 0:00:41# Are still vibrating in the air
0:00:41 > 0:00:45# The elm, the ash and the linden tree
0:00:45 > 0:00:49# The dark and deep enchanted sea
0:00:49 > 0:00:53# The trembling moon and the stars unfurled
0:00:53 > 0:00:56# Well, there she goes, my beautiful world
0:00:56 > 0:01:01# There she goes, my beautiful world
0:01:01 > 0:01:04# There she goes, my beautiful world
0:01:04 > 0:01:08# There she goes, my beautiful world
0:01:08 > 0:01:13# There she goes again. #
0:01:18 > 0:01:20I grew up in a world of men.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24There were the men that I'd fight...
0:01:24 > 0:01:27and there were the men I loved.
0:01:27 > 0:01:31Then came the day that I had to fight...the man I loved.
0:01:31 > 0:01:36'Hollywood heart-throb Oliver Barry is back in Melbourne to promote his neo-realist film.'
0:01:36 > 0:01:39- The Weeping Fist? - It must be a really sad fist.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Either that or a badly infected fist.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- I can see you're right for the interview.- Actually,
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Alex and Oliver share a birthday, so I reckon we are the right guys
0:01:46 > 0:01:49- for the interview. - Yeah, I do feel a bit of a connection
0:01:49 > 0:01:50with people who have the same birthday as me.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Doesn't Hitler have the same birthday as you?
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Well, I think upbringing also has a lot to do with things.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Mmm... OK, background.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Now, happy to talk about prepping for the role.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03He broke three ribs during the fight scenes. Happy to discuss that.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Private life - off limits.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Do not ask questions about wife or children.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09And favourite vegetable - spinach.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Is that it?
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Well, you're a good writer. You can make it work.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Do you think our readers are interested in broken ribs
0:02:15 > 0:02:17and spinach?
0:02:17 > 0:02:19He's a huge celebrity! They'll be fascinated.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21No, they're going to want more than that.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25OK. But this is strictly confidential.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26On Monday, Oliver Barry
0:02:26 > 0:02:30will be voted Wow! Magazine's sexiest man alive.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Whoa, he's jumped from 10th to 1st. That's unprecedented.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36- Anyone else got this? - No, of course not.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- Gentlemen.- Dylan.- Dylan.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41- How was he?- Sexy.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Sexier than anyone else alive?
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Yes.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Oh, get over it!
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Doesn't worry me. Oliver's given me three potential splashes anyway.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55- We had quite a connection.- Did you?
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Right, you guys are last for today.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00How about we go for a drink when you finish?
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Yeah, sure, as long as you don't bang on
0:03:02 > 0:03:04about what I can and can't say in the story.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Not everything's work related!
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Alex was perplexed.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Hope van der Boom hadn't had a non-work-related conversation
0:03:11 > 0:03:13since late 1997.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17- Oliver. Alex Burchill. How are you?- G'day.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19My photographer, Bob Geraghty.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24So, Oliver, could you start off by telling us
0:03:24 > 0:03:27how you managed to get into the mind of a gay boxer?
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Uh, well, I don't think that's really relevant, mate.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Oh, OK. Um...
0:03:33 > 0:03:37Well, apparently you lost ten kilos to play the role.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39No.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43- I'm sorry, my mistake. Was it nine kilos?- No.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46- Eight?- Yep.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Any funny stories that you could tell us about
0:03:50 > 0:03:55- that happened while you were prepping or on set?- Um... nuh.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Really?
0:03:57 > 0:04:00Well, I'm sure something funny happened, but...
0:04:00 > 0:04:03- But you can't think of it right now. - No.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08Is there anything you can think of that you might like to tell us?
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Yeah, well, whatever was in that briefing document.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Um, breaking your ribs and spinach.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Yeah, no. Delete spinach.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21Well, I tell you what, it must have been agony breaking your ribs.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24It was, yeah.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31OK, well...thanks for that. That... Yeah.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- You got enough? - Absolutely. That was great.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Oh, by the way, happy birthday for tomorrow.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40- Thanks.- It's actually my birthday, too.- Right!
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Yeah - you, me, Adolf Hitler and Jessica Lange.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48- OK.- All right.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Well, that story's not going to save the paper.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Apparently Dylan's photo by-line is going
0:04:55 > 0:04:59from a 5cm head shot to a 10cm mid shot next week.
0:04:59 > 0:05:00Why don't they do that for you?
0:05:00 > 0:05:02There's no evidence of an increase in circulation.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06- What did you guys do last week? - 450,000.- Under four and you fold?
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Surely we could talk about something other than the industry.
0:05:08 > 0:05:14Well, um... There is something I'd like to tell you.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17I'm going to have a baby.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22- That's wonderful! Congratulations! - Congratulations, Hope.
0:05:22 > 0:05:23When's it due?
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Assuming all goes well, this time next year.
0:05:26 > 0:05:31Wow! How does that work?
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Well, I'm going to need a donation.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Of sperm.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40Look, I know it's a lot to ask. I just want you to think about it.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42And I want you to know this is not a random choice.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46I examined my circle of friends and...
0:05:46 > 0:05:49- I think I can safely say we're friends.- Yeah...
0:05:49 > 0:05:53And I just think you have the best physical and mental qualities
0:05:53 > 0:05:55of any man I know.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58So, Bob...
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Would you consider being my sperm donor?
0:06:02 > 0:06:04- BOTH: What? - And as far as the baby's concerned,
0:06:04 > 0:06:08you can have as much or as little contact as you like.
0:06:08 > 0:06:09I'm blown away, Hope.
0:06:09 > 0:06:14And, um, I'm going to consider it very, very carefully.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20This was undoubtedly
0:06:20 > 0:06:23the most brutal rejection Alex had experienced
0:06:23 > 0:06:27over something he never wanted in the first place.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- HE YELLS - Give us a smile, Mr Barry!- No!
0:06:40 > 0:06:43PHONE BEEPS
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Huh. Rita wants us to drop into the gallery.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50Sorry, is this the same Rita who cheated on you with Wasp Warneke?
0:06:50 > 0:06:54Yeah, but if you sleep with a celebrity, it's not technically cheating, apparently.
0:06:54 > 0:06:55And how do you figure that?
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Anyone who gets a chance to sleep with a celebrity would.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01It's just that most people don't get the opportunity to sleep with a celebrity.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03- So basically, you can't trust Rita. - No.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Wait!
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Get in!
0:07:27 > 0:07:32- Where do you want to go?- Anywhere. Just go! Go, go, go, go!
0:07:37 > 0:07:41Evasive driving was one of Bob's most impressive talents,
0:07:41 > 0:07:44alongside cordon bleu cooking and being fluent in Dira,
0:07:44 > 0:07:48a Southern Oceanic language spoken on a remote island in Vanuatu.
0:07:54 > 0:07:55Provocative.
0:08:03 > 0:08:04Whimsical.
0:08:10 > 0:08:11Lazy.
0:08:11 > 0:08:16Wouldn't want my kids to see that.
0:08:16 > 0:08:17Doing anything later?
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Oh, I don't know if it's a good idea for us to be spending time together.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25- I said I was sorry!- Yeah, I know. I just need some time.- What for?
0:08:25 > 0:08:29- To believe in us again. - Well, how long's that gonna take?
0:08:29 > 0:08:33- I don't know! - Rita, come and meet Ashley Morehead.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35He's curating the next Sydney Biennale.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39Uh-oh. Dylan Hunt at nine o'clock.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41- Where?- Nine o'clock. - I'm looking at nine o'clock.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44A bit more to your right.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Bit more. Bit more.
0:08:46 > 0:08:51Right. Shit. Oliver, you better hide.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54- Where'd he go?- Don't know.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00- Oliver!- Oliver!
0:09:00 > 0:09:02- Oliver!- Oliver!
0:09:02 > 0:09:06You'd think the sexiest man alive would be easier to spot.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Just so you know, I texted Hope to give her the thumbs-up
0:09:10 > 0:09:11on the sperm donation.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- That's great, mate. - You're not still shitty, are you?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16No, no, I get it - there's only one thing worse
0:09:16 > 0:09:18than having a receding chin, and that's having two of them.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Mate, you don't have a double chin!
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Mate, there's more chins here than in a Beijing phone book, OK?
0:09:23 > 0:09:27- And that is a gross exaggeration! - Holy shit! How'd you get in?
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Well, in The Weeping Fist, my character was able to break
0:09:29 > 0:09:32into cars using nothing but a dipstick.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35I actually left the car unlocked in case we needed a quick getaway.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39Yes, but...you can still use a dipstick to break
0:09:39 > 0:09:41into an unlocked car.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44We're thinking of going back to Bob's.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Brilliant. I'm stuffed!
0:09:49 > 0:09:50Let's go!
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Oooh!
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Alex, I think you might have too many fieldsmen on the leg side,
0:10:02 > 0:10:05- which is highly illegal. - Mate, it's a board game!
0:10:05 > 0:10:06Mate, it's Bodyline!
0:10:06 > 0:10:08CLOCK CHIMES
0:10:11 > 0:10:15- Happy birthday! - Oh, thanks, mate!
0:10:17 > 0:10:21- Perfume? - What? No, it's not perfume.
0:10:21 > 0:10:26Mate, that'd be a bit gay. No, this is an aromatherapy kit.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Now, try this for size.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Frankincense...
0:10:31 > 0:10:33..and bergamot.
0:10:33 > 0:10:38It's calming, but stimulating at the same time.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42Now, if I put a drop of lime oil in there,
0:10:42 > 0:10:45then you get a totally different impact, because...
0:10:45 > 0:10:48- You're batting, mate. - Yeah, sure.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52I'll just let that waft over us while we play.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Hey!
0:10:56 > 0:10:58I just came to say happy birthday!
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Happy birthday!
0:11:11 > 0:11:13You smell nice!
0:11:14 > 0:11:16- Thanks.- Alex?
0:11:19 > 0:11:23- You're not Alex! - No, I'm Oliver.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Oh, wow! This is embarrassing.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30- Aren't you the artist?- Yeah!
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Aren't you the 10th sexiest man alive?
0:11:33 > 0:11:40Yes. But on Monday, I'll be announced as the sexiest man alive.
0:11:40 > 0:11:45Right. But at the moment, you're still the 10th sexiest man alive.
0:11:45 > 0:11:50Yes, but on Monday I'll be number one.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54Yeah, but right now you're still number ten.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58- Oh, bowled him! - I wasn't ready, mate.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Are we just gonna keep chitchatting
0:12:02 > 0:12:05or are we going to get this show on the road?
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Ooh!
0:12:11 > 0:12:16THUMPING
0:12:16 > 0:12:19I went to boarding school with a kid who used to do that.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21He wouldn't use his hand, cos that was a sin
0:12:21 > 0:12:24but apparently sticking his penis repeatedly into a pillow
0:12:24 > 0:12:25was totally fine.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Be sure to get rid of that pillow first thing.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31- Don't wash it, just burn it.- Oops!
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Ooh! GROANING
0:12:39 > 0:12:41I'm actually quite enjoying that aroma.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Yeah? I put a hint of ylang-ylang in there just to liven the place up
0:12:44 > 0:12:46- a bit.- Mmm.
0:12:46 > 0:12:51- Hi! It's just me. - Was that you in there?
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Just came in to say happy birthday!
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Rita! How am I meant to believe in us again if you're in there
0:12:57 > 0:13:00- rooting my housemate? - He's not your housemate,
0:13:00 > 0:13:04he's a celebrity who somehow ended up in your bed!
0:13:04 > 0:13:06- But you wanted to give it another chance!- I do!
0:13:06 > 0:13:10- But you said you needed time.- I do! - So, then what's your problem?
0:13:10 > 0:13:13You're not supposed to just go off and sleep with the sexiest man alive!
0:13:13 > 0:13:17How am I supposed to know that? I can't read your mind.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Well...
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Happy birthday, anyway.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Now I feel really shit.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31See you in the morning.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33- Yeah, see ya.- See ya.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38Are you gonna bowl?
0:13:39 > 0:13:42- I might pack it in, if that's OK, mate.- Yeah, course.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- Do you need a... - No, no, no, no.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Do you want me to put a drop of camomile in the burner?
0:13:50 > 0:13:52No, mate.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57- 'Night, then.- Goodnight, buddy.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Alex thought that next year for his birthday,
0:14:08 > 0:14:11he wouldn't mind going to Acapulco.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18THUMPING
0:14:23 > 0:14:24Alex! Are you awake?
0:14:24 > 0:14:26What?
0:14:26 > 0:14:28GROANING
0:14:28 > 0:14:32- Maybe now you'll be able to get some sleep.- Yeah.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Um, re Hope's request,
0:14:34 > 0:14:36do you reckon I'd be able to knock the top off one now
0:14:36 > 0:14:38or do I have to let the sperm build up?
0:14:38 > 0:14:40I don't know!
0:14:40 > 0:14:44- Righto.- Just try and keep the noise to a minimum.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Oh, I'm really silent.
0:14:49 > 0:14:54THUMPING
0:14:54 > 0:14:56That's not me, by the way.
0:15:07 > 0:15:08Hey.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15- What's this?- It's the reason I came over last night.
0:15:15 > 0:15:16Happy birthday.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Might open it later.
0:15:19 > 0:15:25- I think you'll like it. - Oh, thanks for that.- Ugh!
0:15:25 > 0:15:27I'm taking you and Bob out tonight.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29My shout, wherever you want. You coming?
0:15:29 > 0:15:33Uh, no, I've gotta see my sister tonight.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- What about the paps? - I can make myself anonymous.
0:15:36 > 0:15:37- Really?- Yep.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Here's Oliver Barry, regular bloke.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46- Right. - Here's Oliver Barry, the movie star.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Right! Can you do the first one again?
0:15:49 > 0:15:52I do also have a Paul Hogan wig in my bag.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54- I'd go with that.- OK. Done.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59- Many happy returns, by the way. - Yeah, you too.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02- He's lovely!- Yeah.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08And how old are you, if you don't mind me asking?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Yes, we do need to know.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14Right. So you were 11 when you had your first child?
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Alex, a word, if you please!
0:16:16 > 0:16:18You say in your article on Nicole Kidman,
0:16:18 > 0:16:21- "She was in Australia for the last two months?"- Yeah.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24- So, she's deceased?- No. - Ah, well, surely you mean,
0:16:24 > 0:16:27"She was in Australia for the PAST two months."
0:16:27 > 0:16:29For if you use the word last, it implies a finality
0:16:29 > 0:16:32- which Ms Kidman might not appreciate.- OK.
0:16:34 > 0:16:35Hey, mate!
0:16:35 > 0:16:38KNOCKING ON DOOR
0:16:38 > 0:16:41- I need a splash. - What if I told you Oliver Barry's
0:16:41 > 0:16:44not the family man he makes himself out to be?
0:16:44 > 0:16:48- Keep talking.- He stayed at Bob's last night with a lady friend.
0:16:48 > 0:16:49Keep talking.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53He's a very slow fornicator and walks around the house shirtless.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- Oh, I hate men who are comfortable with their bodies.- Mmm.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59OK, we'll go big on this. Don't let him out of your sight
0:16:59 > 0:17:03- until the Argus's last edition has gone to bed.- No worries.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07I'm thinking...Wild About Barry.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08The Trouble With Barry.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Thrust and Barry.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14- Dirty Barry.- You have a gift. - Thanks, boss.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19The editor suddenly came up with Barry The Dirty Dog,
0:17:19 > 0:17:22but it was too late, the competition had finished.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29- Trouble sleeping?- Yeah.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- Loss of appetite?- Yeah.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36- Feeling unattractive?- Yeah.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41Sharna! Loss of interest and/or pleasure in all activities?
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Yeah.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48- Yes?- Sharna, answer me this.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Do you find this man attractive?
0:17:50 > 0:17:54- He's all right.- There you go. Sharna thinks you're all right.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57That'll be all. Thanks, Sharna.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00- You know what I think? - What do you think?
0:18:00 > 0:18:04- I think you've got a broken heart. - Genius.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Now, broken hearts are like the common cold -
0:18:06 > 0:18:07everyone's got a theory on how to fix them.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09But you know what works for me?
0:18:09 > 0:18:11- Paroxetine?- Strippers.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- Oh.- You see, you go into a strip club
0:18:14 > 0:18:18and there's this anonymity that's immensely liberating,
0:18:18 > 0:18:20much like the Dionysian festivities of the ancient Greeks
0:18:20 > 0:18:22in that the strip club...
0:18:22 > 0:18:24As Alex listened to Dr James's theory
0:18:24 > 0:18:26on the health benefits of strip clubs,
0:18:26 > 0:18:29he couldn't help but feel that it seemed a little sad.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32But then, as Dr James talked more,
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Alex came to think that it actually made quite a bit of sense.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Then, as he listened further,
0:18:37 > 0:18:40it started to seem really sad again.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Now, I think we should bear in mind, strippers are people too, OK?
0:19:16 > 0:19:18So...
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Have you ever thought about being a stripper?
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- No.- Cos they are people too, apparently.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26What about you?
0:19:26 > 0:19:28You ever consider getting your kit off for money?
0:19:28 > 0:19:32No, and it's not because I have a problem with my naked body.
0:19:32 > 0:19:33I'm just not that good a dancer.
0:19:33 > 0:19:38- Well, that would be a problem. - Mmm. And I'm not at all flexible.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51- Tortola lullabies don't normally come like this.- Oh, yeah.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54They're normally a very masculine drink.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56- Otherwise Joel Garner would never have drunk them.- Yeah.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58What?
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Tortola lullabies were Joel Garner's favourite drink.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04You know something about West Indian cricket, do you?
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Well, more than anybody else in this room, I would think.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11OK. Who were the West Indian opening batsmen
0:20:11 > 0:20:15in the team that won the record 11th straight Test match in 1984?
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Haynes and Greenidge.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Yeah. Technically, it was Greenidge and Haynes,
0:20:20 > 0:20:21cos Greenidge actually faced the first ball.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Yeah, but only because the Adelaide pitch was a bit green that day
0:20:24 > 0:20:27and Greenidge could handle the bounce better.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54ALL: Cheers!
0:20:54 > 0:20:57- Happy birthday, mate. - Happy birthday.
0:20:57 > 0:21:02Alex, can I just say that you and the lovely Sharna
0:21:02 > 0:21:03have my blessing?
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Why would we need your blessing?
0:21:05 > 0:21:10Well, I just thought, since you and I have been intimate, that Alex...
0:21:10 > 0:21:13You put your arm around me one night and I told you to take it away!
0:21:13 > 0:21:18Yes, but only because of the employer/employee situation.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Yeah.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24- Happy birthday, Alex.- Dylan! - Thanks, mate.
0:21:24 > 0:21:29Um, this is James, Sharna. Bob you already know.
0:21:29 > 0:21:35Two lap dancers. And my cousin Oscar from...Lightning Ridge.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37I can see the resemblance.
0:21:37 > 0:21:42- You know who else is having a birthday tonight?- Adolf Hitler?
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Oliver Barry.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Enjoy your night.
0:21:52 > 0:21:57Hey, look, I just want you to know I promised my COUSIN
0:21:57 > 0:21:59I'd look after his privacy.
0:21:59 > 0:22:04Mate, I'm off duty, now that I've...sent these.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09When Barry Met Sally.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Picked a bad night to bring the sexiest man alive
0:22:12 > 0:22:15to Diamonds & Pearls. It's Max Hutchins's bucks.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19We're all here - the Post, the Times, the Herald, AAP.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21I'm surprised you didn't know.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24- I forgot.- Did you?
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Hey, have you seen Oliver?
0:22:28 > 0:22:31I think he went off in search of recreational drugs.
0:22:31 > 0:22:32No!
0:22:32 > 0:22:34'The Hollywood family man was caught
0:22:34 > 0:22:38'in the embrace of stripper Sally Barton, also known as Roxie.'
0:22:38 > 0:22:40'At one point, comma, the Hollywood star
0:22:40 > 0:22:42'turned the tables on Roxie, comma,
0:22:42 > 0:22:44'by stripping for her himself, comma...'
0:22:44 > 0:22:47'The former father of the year celebrating his birthday, comma,
0:22:47 > 0:22:50'which he shares with Adolf Hitler, comma,
0:22:50 > 0:22:53'at the notorious strip club Diamonds & Pearls.'
0:22:53 > 0:22:56SPEAKS IN GERMAN
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Adolf Hitler, comma...
0:22:59 > 0:23:03- Oliver, there's media everywhere! - What?
0:23:03 > 0:23:04What?
0:23:05 > 0:23:08He's a celebrity!
0:23:10 > 0:23:11Ahh! Ahh!
0:23:14 > 0:23:15I'm warning you, Alex.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18On any given day, a journo will always beat an actor in a fight.
0:23:18 > 0:23:19Really?
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Foolish words, mate. Foolish words.
0:23:28 > 0:23:29Aaah!
0:23:33 > 0:23:34There we go!
0:23:40 > 0:23:42HE SCREAMS
0:23:43 > 0:23:46It's OK, everyone! I'm a doctor.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52I just wanted to make it clear that when I screamed last night,
0:23:52 > 0:23:55it was because of a pre-existing injury.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57It wasn't because of anything that you did.
0:23:57 > 0:24:01Still, sorry for giving you such a brutal hiding.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05And I'm sorry for getting off with your old girlfriend.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08And your new girlfriend.
0:24:08 > 0:24:09And I'm sorry for the article I've just written
0:24:09 > 0:24:11detailing in chapter and verse
0:24:11 > 0:24:13everything that's happened over the past 24 hours.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16And I'm sorry that I dropped your computer in the toilet.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18I can live with that. And weed on it.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22And if you'll excuse me, I'm just gonna go and wash my hands.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27- Bob.- Oliver.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35You all right? You don't need a hug or anything?
0:24:35 > 0:24:39- No, I'm fine. - Well, this is the big moment!
0:24:40 > 0:24:43I'm quite possibly going to be a daddy.
0:24:43 > 0:24:44I'm proud of you, mate.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51Oh, you don't have any bubble bottom porn, do you?
0:24:51 > 0:24:52No, mate.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14It took her four months of parties, functions,
0:25:14 > 0:25:16and waiting outside dressing-rooms,
0:25:16 > 0:25:18but Rita eventually managed to get the baggy green
0:25:18 > 0:25:23signed by every member of the 2006-2007 Ashes-winning
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Australian cricket team.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29Alex's first-person account of his 24 hours with Oliver Barry
0:25:29 > 0:25:32helped the Sunday Sun survive another week
0:25:32 > 0:25:36and pushed Rita's exhibition into the mainstream.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38But all this was insignificant
0:25:38 > 0:25:41compared with the tiny bottle of life Bob held in his right hand.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44- Hi!- Here you go.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48- Great.- Excellent.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- Alex.- Hope.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02- So, do you like my present? - I just want to say it's the nicest,
0:26:02 > 0:26:05most thoughtful thing anyone has ever bought me. Thank you!
0:26:05 > 0:26:09No worries! So, do you want to catch up, see how things go?
0:26:09 > 0:26:12- No!- Oh, OK.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Do you want to buy one of my works?
0:26:16 > 0:26:17I'll think about it.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Later, the artificial insemination clinic
0:26:24 > 0:26:26would reject Bob's sperm
0:26:26 > 0:26:29on the grounds that it contained dangerous concentrations of yeast.
0:26:30 > 0:26:35Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd