0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06You're rooting my housemate!
0:00:06 > 0:00:09- What's going on with Neil? - The editor's sacking people.
0:00:09 > 0:00:14I assume you've abandoned Zirco and are enjoying the rejuvenation package in the hotel spa.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17Trish has met a very nice bogan gentleman.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20I'm spending more time with the twins, so it's win-win.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27# The monkey on my back
0:00:27 > 0:00:31# Spreads his fingers on my neck
0:00:31 > 0:00:36# And his soul takes control of me... #
0:00:36 > 0:00:39'Sultry singer Abi Hart has wowed the world with her warm,
0:00:39 > 0:00:41'husky voice and '60s melodic pop.'
0:00:41 > 0:00:44# Dragged me down on to the deck... #
0:00:44 > 0:00:47'This is Sydney's Sofia Corelli,
0:00:47 > 0:00:51'down in Melbourne for three sell-out concerts at the Myer Music Bowl.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55'Discovered at 16 on the reality show Australia Can Sing,
0:00:55 > 0:00:59'she soon rose to stardom by modelling herself on Abi Hart.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03'She sings like Abi Hart, she dresses like Abi Hart,
0:01:03 > 0:01:06'she does her hair and make-up like Abi Hart.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09'She is, however, not Abi Hart.'
0:01:09 > 0:01:11KNOCK ON DOOR
0:01:11 > 0:01:16Evening. It's a nightcap compliments of the management.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Oh. OK, thanks.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26'This is Abi Hart.'
0:01:32 > 0:01:36# The wintergreen, the juniper
0:01:36 > 0:01:40# The cornflower and the chicory
0:01:40 > 0:01:44# Well, all of the words you said to me
0:01:44 > 0:01:47# Are still vibrating in the air
0:01:47 > 0:01:51# The elm, the ash and the linden tree
0:01:51 > 0:01:55# The dark and deep enchanted sea
0:01:55 > 0:01:58# The trembling moon and the stars unfurled
0:01:58 > 0:02:03# Well, there she goes, my beautiful world
0:02:03 > 0:02:07# There she goes, my beautiful world
0:02:07 > 0:02:10# There she goes, my beautiful world
0:02:10 > 0:02:15# There she goes, my beautiful world
0:02:15 > 0:02:18# There she goes again. #
0:02:27 > 0:02:29You know Max from the travel section?
0:02:29 > 0:02:32- Yeah.- Woke up last Tuesday morning gay.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35He was probably already gay.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Mate, there's no way that guy was already gay.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40- He was as heterosexual as you are. - And you are.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Yeah.
0:02:46 > 0:02:50- Sofia Corelli was assaulted last night.- Really? What happened?
0:02:50 > 0:02:53- Someone drugged her and shaved her head.- Shaved her head?
0:02:53 > 0:02:57- And one eyebrow. - That is weird.- Yeah.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05Alex, how sure do you have to be that someone's pregnant before you can publish it?
0:03:05 > 0:03:06- 40%.- Great.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12- (Hey, Alex, Max has decided he's gay.)- Yeah, Bob said.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16(I was going to ask him to Phantom Of The Opera too, but now there's no point.)
0:03:23 > 0:03:27Hey, Alex, a new survey's come out saying three out of five Australian children
0:03:27 > 0:03:29are born out of wedlock.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Do you think we could get away with this as a headline?
0:03:32 > 0:03:35It's been done before but no-one will remember.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38'Alex Burchill, my office.'
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- Do you need me to go in with you? - No, thanks, mate. I'll be fine.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45- All right, then.- Yeah.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49Ooh, Alex, before you go in, in your article on Robbie Williams,
0:03:49 > 0:03:52you say, and I quote, "Robbie Williams the rapist lives in the valley."
0:03:52 > 0:03:56- Now, has he actually been convicted of such a crime?- "The rapist"?
0:03:56 > 0:04:00No, no, the word's broken at the end of the line. There's a hyphen, see?
0:04:00 > 0:04:04- "Robbie Williams' therapist lives in the valley." - Ooh, thank you.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08For a moment there I was thinking Robbie Williams was not only a rapist but THE rapist.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12Now I have learned he is not a rapist at all and I am very relieved.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19- Heard what happened to Sofia Corelli?- Bald, one eyebrow?
0:04:19 > 0:04:22- You thinking what I'm thinking? - Abi Hart.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Remember when the Argus stole your "Headless Body in Topless Bar" headline?
0:04:25 > 0:04:29- I stole that one from Steve Dunleavy.- If it was yours, you'd be angry.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32- I'd be very angry.- Angry enough to shave off someone's eyebrow?
0:04:32 > 0:04:35- Oh, shit, yes. - She checked into Happy Valley rehab.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39- I think it might be time for the Sunday Sun to pay her a visit. - Great!
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- See if Cody's available. - Cody?! What about me?
0:04:42 > 0:04:45It's a tough assignment, mate. I need a hard-news man.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48- You're an entertainment reporter. - I can do hard news.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52- It's wild there - there's no tinsel and glamour. - I don't need tinsel and glamour.
0:04:52 > 0:04:53It's very remote.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55It's got a private airstrip. I'll take a plane.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58Yeah. You love your tinsel and glamour.
0:04:58 > 0:05:04Mate, if you want to be taken seriously, learn to travel with the battlers - better stories.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08- I might get there by four-wheel drive.- You won't meet battlers in a four-wheel drive.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12- OK, so how do the battlers get to Happy Valley?- Dinghy.- Dinghy.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16Yeah, give Duncan's Dinghies a call. Tell him you're from the paper.
0:05:16 > 0:05:20- He'll give you a good deal. Bob's going too.- Does he have to? He's acting really weird.
0:05:20 > 0:05:25You want someone with experience. At least one photographer's gone out there and hasn't come back.
0:05:25 > 0:05:26Really?
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Don't forget to mention the dinghy company in the piece -
0:05:29 > 0:05:31comfortable, nice way to travel.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Can't we get into trouble for that?
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Not if it's part of the story.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40'Alex now realised why Andrea's human-interest piece
0:05:40 > 0:05:43'on the dog that learned to type
0:05:43 > 0:05:46'included random and unexplained references to Duncan's Dinghies.'
0:05:52 > 0:05:55- How long will he be? - I'm not sure. His ex-wife's in there.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59- Really?! Do you think they're giving it another shot? - Well, they might be.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Pull them up, James. It's not going to happen.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06- Alex.- Trish. - Trish.- Bob.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12You can go in now.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18- Everything all right? - Yes, great.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24OK.
0:06:24 > 0:06:30- What have we got today, then? - I just want a referral to the Happy Valley rehab centre.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33And what addiction are you trying to deal with?
0:06:33 > 0:06:38- Can't you just write a referral? - I'm a proper doctor. I can't just write referrals willy-nilly.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42OK. Um, I'm addicted to...
0:06:42 > 0:06:44alcohol.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46- Really?- Yeah.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50OK. And would you say that you lose time at work due to drinking?
0:06:50 > 0:06:54That actually has happened a couple of times.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58- Have you ever felt remorse after a night of drinking? - Yes.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02- Do you drink to help overcome shyness with other people? - Yes.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06Do you turn to inferior companions and environments when drinking?
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- Yes.- Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?
0:07:09 > 0:07:15- Yes.- Well, mate, I admire your courage in coming to me.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17- You've got yourself a referral. - Thanks.
0:07:17 > 0:07:22Now, this particular gentleman has had some terrific success with alcoholism.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24The results are quite promising.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28Hang on, we are still talking about the Happy Valley rehab centre, right?
0:07:28 > 0:07:32No, Lordy, no. To go there you have to have an exotic addiction
0:07:32 > 0:07:34or at least be a celebrity.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Oh, well, Alex, when you sober up,
0:07:37 > 0:07:40all these little delusions will just fall away.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44You're going to need to let your friends know so they can support you while you're drying out.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46OK. Thanks.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56You don't have a questionnaire about one's sexuality, do you?
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Uh, no, mate.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Why doesn't one just kiss a guy and see if one likes it?
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Yeah.
0:08:06 > 0:08:13'Alex noticed that from some angles, Dr James bore a passing resemblance to Steve Vizard.'
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- What's up? - I think I might be an alcoholic.
0:08:22 > 0:08:27- Don't you have to drink alcohol regularly to be an alcoholic? - Apparently not.- Hmm.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30So, anyway, I just wanted to say goodbye.
0:08:30 > 0:08:36- Why?- I'm going away on assignment. - Really?- Yeah, it's quite dangerous. Some people haven't made it back.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40You're an entertainment reporter. Why are you going on dangerous assignments?
0:08:40 > 0:08:42I'm not just an entertainment reporter.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Are you going to Afghanistan?
0:08:44 > 0:08:48- No. But that would also be dangerous.- Right.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50So, yeah, if anything happens to me,
0:08:50 > 0:08:54I just wanted to say I'm sorry it never worked out between us.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Ohh, me too.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58SOBBING >
0:09:01 > 0:09:02I think your tent might be crying.
0:09:02 > 0:09:07- Yeah.- Have you incorporated a sound installation or something?
0:09:07 > 0:09:11No. No, it's just my sister. We think she's a sex addict.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- You think SHE'S a sex addict? - Don't have to broadcast it!
0:09:14 > 0:09:15Oh, it's just Alex.
0:09:15 > 0:09:21- It's terrible - she's lost her job, relationship's finished.- Hey, Alex.
0:09:21 > 0:09:22Hey, Selina.
0:09:22 > 0:09:27Good luck with your assignment and your battle with the booze.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Thanks. And good luck with... all your stuff.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Yeah.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37- I guess it's time to go. - See you, babe.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41- Look after yourself. - I'll do my best.
0:09:53 > 0:09:58I've never mentioned this before but I really like the film Cabaret.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02- Yeah. Doesn't mean you're gay, though, mate.- Oh. OK.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- You the Sunday Sun fellas? - Yeah. I'm Alex and this is Bob.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12- Duncan?- Dallas. Lessor's made us wear these.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17It's a pretty treacherous part of the Yarra.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Who the hell's Lisa?
0:10:48 > 0:10:52'Abi Hart was a middle-class girl who landed a record deal
0:10:52 > 0:10:56'and was told to get sexy, husky and Cockney.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57'At first, she faked it.
0:10:57 > 0:11:02'Then she met Brian, a small-time crim with easy access to crack.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05'Suddenly Abi went from having no cred to having cred
0:11:05 > 0:11:08'and then to having too much cred.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12'Yes, it is possible to have too much cred.'
0:11:13 > 0:11:19Hey, Alex. Can you rub some of this on my back, please?
0:11:19 > 0:11:20No.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31Do you keep secrets about your romantic or sexual activities
0:11:31 > 0:11:33from those important to you?
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Yeah. No offence.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41And do you frequently want to get away from a sexual partner
0:11:41 > 0:11:44after having sexual intercourse?
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Y-y-yeah. Yep.
0:11:48 > 0:11:53And have your needs driven you to have sexual intercourse
0:11:53 > 0:11:57with people or in places you might not normally choose?
0:11:57 > 0:11:58Yeah.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Shit, Bob, can you just stay put?
0:12:27 > 0:12:30- I just want to ask you something. - What?
0:12:30 > 0:12:34I was wondering if I could, you know, give you a bit of a kiss.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38- What?! No!- Well, I just need to see if I feel anything.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40- Mate, you're not gay. - Don't be so homophobic.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43I don't care if you kiss Dallas.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46There is no way he's kissing me, bro.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50- Fine. I'll just sort it out myself then.- Good.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Do you frequently feel remorse,
0:12:58 > 0:13:02shame or guilt after a sexual encounter?
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Yes.
0:13:06 > 0:13:12And are you in danger of being arrested because of your practices?
0:13:12 > 0:13:13Yes!
0:13:15 > 0:13:19Well, Selina, you have all the hallmarks of a bona fide sex addict.
0:13:19 > 0:13:20We thought so.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26Now, this man, he's the best in the business.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Thanks.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Er, what's this down here?
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Oh, that's just my phone number if ever you need anything.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Thank you.
0:13:44 > 0:13:49Mate, we're going to do a recce, check out the security situation.
0:13:49 > 0:13:54Watch those guards, bro. They shoot first, ask questions later.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56No worries.
0:14:02 > 0:14:07- ARROW HISSES BY Hey, there's Ian Norton.- Hey, Norton, what's the security like?
0:14:10 > 0:14:11Jesus!
0:14:11 > 0:14:13PHONE RINGS
0:14:13 > 0:14:17- Wanted to make sure you got there OK. - Boss, they just killed Ian Norton!
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Great! This is page-one stuff.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23He looked really surprised to see us but it was because he was dead.
0:14:23 > 0:14:24Mate, I have nothing but admiration
0:14:24 > 0:14:27for journos who sacrifice their lives for a story.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29I don't want to sacrifice my life!
0:14:29 > 0:14:33Yeah, but what about Neil Davis, mate? Paul Moran, the Balibo Five.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37- They were killed in war zones. I'm an entertainment reporter. - I should have used Cody.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41He's fearless. He would have already filed a story on the dead photographer
0:14:41 > 0:14:42and been on his way to Abi Hart.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44The boss doesn't understand that if I die,
0:14:44 > 0:14:47sure, there'll be a circulation spike but after that,
0:14:47 > 0:14:50who's going to interview all the celebrities?
0:14:50 > 0:14:54Norton's not dead, by the way. Must have been a tranquilliser gun.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- Still a dangerous situation, though. - Oh, yeah.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10- What do you think, glasses or no glasses?- Glasses, mate.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11Gives you depth.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Why do you get to wear the white coat? Why can't I?
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Because Abi's not going to open up to a maintenance guy.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22But she could open up to me in the white coat while you're
0:15:22 > 0:15:25in overalls fiddling with wires and taking everything down.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29- What are you going to say to her? You're no journalist.- So I don't know how to ask questions?
0:15:29 > 0:15:33It's a skill, mate. I don't make out like I could take photos of her.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34Though I probably could.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Oh, right, so I might as well just go home, then.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Seriously, guys, get a room.
0:15:40 > 0:15:41You ready?
0:15:41 > 0:15:45Yep. Got my lucky Tardis to protect us from being tranquillised.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Good thinking.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Just give us ten minutes, OK?
0:16:18 > 0:16:19Boys.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Can I help you?
0:16:27 > 0:16:31Yes. I'm sorry, I don't know my way around here.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Do I go down here to get to the patients?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- I believe they're expecting me. - Oh, yes. Are you the new doctor?
0:16:36 > 0:16:41- Yes. Dr...Wang?- Yes.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44We weren't expecting you till later this afternoon.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48- That's all right.- OK, I can call a group session to introduce you.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Actually, I prefer to do one-on-ones first, if you don't mind.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54OK. Whatever works for you.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Er, here is the client and room list.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03- Great. Oh, perhaps you could let them know I'm dropping by.- Will do.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08- SHE SPEAKS VIA TANNOY:- Clients, our new psychiatrist, Dr Wang,
0:17:08 > 0:17:11will be visiting patients' rooms presently.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15I repeat, Dr Wang will be visiting patients' rooms presently.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18- HE KNOCKS ON DOOR - Please make him welcome.
0:17:22 > 0:17:23Hi. I'm Dr Wang.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26- Do you mind if I come in?- Dr Wang?
0:17:26 > 0:17:31- Yes.- You're Chinese, are you? - My grandfather is.- Where's he from?
0:17:31 > 0:17:34- China. - Yeah, but whereabouts in China?
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Just a small village in the west of China. You wouldn't know it.
0:17:37 > 0:17:42- What's it called? - Shin. Shin... Shinshin.
0:17:42 > 0:17:43Jing.
0:17:43 > 0:17:47Shinjing. So, how are you coping with the withdrawal?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Yeah, it's great.
0:17:49 > 0:17:53I think I might get back on the gear when I get out just so I can go through this again.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57Did you know research shows treatment progresses more quickly
0:17:57 > 0:17:58if you clear your conscience?
0:17:59 > 0:18:01I've got a clear conscience.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04No-one's got a completely clear conscience.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07There must be something you can confess.
0:18:07 > 0:18:12No. I've only ever brought joy to the world.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17'Alex detected a note of sarcasm in Abi's responses,
0:18:17 > 0:18:21'and in his article, he would use italics to illustrate this.'
0:18:32 > 0:18:36- Excuse me, fellas, have you got the time?- Yeah, it's 1:30.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39Oh, shit! OK, thanks.
0:18:44 > 0:18:49'In order to reflect a certain academic aptitude befitting his disguise,
0:18:49 > 0:18:53'Alex decided to squeeze a six-syllable word into his next question.'
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Abi, I'd like to workshop a little scenario with you,
0:18:56 > 0:18:59something I do with most of my patients.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03Say you're an 18th-century prestidigitator...
0:19:03 > 0:19:04What's a prestidigitator?
0:19:04 > 0:19:08- You know what a magician is? - Yeah.- Same thing.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12You come up with a fabulous act - the Vanishing Lady.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16A rival magician studies how you do it,
0:19:16 > 0:19:19then goes off and does their own show, same act.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22How do you feel about that?
0:19:22 > 0:19:24All right.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Mmm, I don't think you're taking this seriously.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30The rival magician gets the money and the glory.
0:19:31 > 0:19:37But it's your act. Your costume. Your hair and make-up.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39What do your other patients say?
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Most of them want to take revenge on the rival magician.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Do they say how?
0:19:45 > 0:19:49Usual ways - poison, torture. Shaving an eyebrow.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08- Abi, I'd like you to think of this space as a safe haven.- OK.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12- You know Sofia Corelli? - What about her?
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Someone shaved her head and one of her eyebrows.
0:20:15 > 0:20:20The girl who did this had curly brown hair, a big nose
0:20:20 > 0:20:25and glasses, but it could easily have been a wig and a false nose.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27- And glasses. - Why do you think she did that?
0:20:27 > 0:20:32You seem to know everything. Why don't you tell me?
0:20:36 > 0:20:38It could have been revenge.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Like, she wanted to teach the girl a lesson.
0:20:43 > 0:20:48- Be hard to prove. - My grandfather used to say...
0:20:48 > 0:20:52HE SPEAKS CHINESE
0:20:52 > 0:20:57- What does that mean?- I don't know. I don't speak Chinese.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01But I do know the girl who did this needs serious help.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Maybe you're misdiagnosing her.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07Subconsciously, the eyebrow represents communication.
0:21:07 > 0:21:12The fact that it was the right eyebrow suggests that the perpetrator wants to be caught.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15It wasn't the right eyebrow. It was the left one.
0:21:15 > 0:21:20- Apparently.- Abi, you're in a lot of pain from withdrawal.
0:21:20 > 0:21:25You're probably experiencing depression, anxiety.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28But what you have to understand is the process of confessing
0:21:28 > 0:21:32is the most powerful thing a patient can do in speeding up recovery.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36KNOCK ON DOOR
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Sorry, got to check the wiring before the renovations.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42I'm sorry, mate, we're in the middle of a consultation, OK?
0:21:42 > 0:21:46- I understand that, Dr Burchill, but I have a... - What did you call him?
0:21:46 > 0:21:50- Dr Burchill. - It's Dr Wang.- Right. Right?
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Just do whatever it is you have to do and then please leave.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56No worries, I might just check under here if that's OK.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Abi, this is a safe place. There's no judgment here.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05Sorry, I've got to check some wires, so you might experience a flash.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09- Are you ready to unburden? - Sorry about that.- Can you just...
0:22:09 > 0:22:13- We're in the middle of something here.- No worries.
0:22:14 > 0:22:20Abi, the pain you're experiencing right now, it will ease, I promise.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Confidential, right?
0:22:23 > 0:22:27Doctor-patient confidentiality is something I take very seriously.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45SCREAMING
0:22:45 > 0:22:47KNOCK ON DOOR
0:22:47 > 0:22:49I thought I heard you. Are you OK?
0:22:49 > 0:22:52- I'll be with you in a minute. - Is this for your...
0:22:52 > 0:22:55- Can you just get her out of here? - I beg your pardon.
0:22:57 > 0:23:01- Oh, are you doing a story? - I'm sorry, do I know you?
0:23:01 > 0:23:04- I'm Dr Wang.- Oh, OK.
0:23:04 > 0:23:09- Er...well, we're in room six when you're ready.- What story?
0:23:09 > 0:23:14I'm sorry, Miss Hart, I'm actually from the Sunday Sun.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Can you confirm this is the wig you used
0:23:16 > 0:23:21- to shave Sofia Corelli's head and one of her eyebrows?- You fucking... Don't you dare!- Run!
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Wait! Stop!
0:23:27 > 0:23:32- Will you be having lunch, Dr Wang? - Yes, I will. Thank you very much.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35Boys, how you going?
0:23:39 > 0:23:40Security!
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Stop!
0:23:47 > 0:23:48Stop! Fucking tabloid scum!
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- Stop! Stop!- Start the boat!
0:23:55 > 0:24:01- Get in, Bob. Get in, quickly! - Fucking tabloid freaks!
0:24:01 > 0:24:06Fucking tabloid scum! Fucking paparazzi freaks!
0:24:06 > 0:24:08So much for his lucky Tardis.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46Yeah. No, definitely not gay.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50'Thanks to Alex's expose, Abi was convicted of malicious assault
0:24:50 > 0:24:53'and the Sunday Sun's circulation rose by 10%.'
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- LBW!- Bugger.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00Well, Alex, it seems you're probably not an alcoholic after all.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03- That's a relief.- It sure is.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06It says here you actually have to drink alcohol regularly
0:25:06 > 0:25:08in order to qualify as an alcoholic.
0:25:08 > 0:25:12Amazing. PHONE RINGS
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Dr James Sawers.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Oh, hello.
0:25:17 > 0:25:18Ah, yes.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Um...yes.
0:25:22 > 0:25:23Yep, see you then. OK.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Don't wait up, boys.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Someone's got a date with a nymphomaniac.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36'After successfully completing her treatment for sex addiction
0:25:36 > 0:25:40'at the Happy Valley rehab centre, Selina went on a date with Dr James.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43'The evening started out promising but ended abruptly
0:25:43 > 0:25:45'when Dr James got a bit tipsy
0:25:45 > 0:25:48'and suddenly tried to undo her bra with his teeth.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51'Meanwhile, Sofia Corelli made a virtue of her bald head
0:25:51 > 0:25:54'and went on to have a distinguished career
0:25:54 > 0:25:56'singing anthemic Celtic pop songs.'
0:26:00 > 0:26:08# But I spent this morning taking down your pictures
0:26:08 > 0:26:15# Cos I spent last night looking up at your eyes
0:26:15 > 0:26:23# And I'm trying not to cry over you
0:26:23 > 0:26:31# I'm trying not to feel like I do
0:26:31 > 0:26:38# But now I know it's true
0:26:40 > 0:26:45# I remember when you gave me your affections. #
0:26:45 > 0:26:48Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd