0:00:00 > 0:00:05# We spend all our time lying side by side
0:00:05 > 0:00:06# Going nowhere
0:00:06 > 0:00:07# It's really something
0:00:07 > 0:00:10# Getting busy doing nothing
0:00:10 > 0:00:12# We spend all our time
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Running for our lives
0:00:15 > 0:00:16# Going nowhere
0:00:16 > 0:00:18# It's really something
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# Getting busy doing nothing
0:00:21 > 0:00:30# Getting busy doing nothing. #
0:00:24 > 0:00:30Chloe Bryant says her dad hasn't brushed his teeth since 1997.
0:00:30 > 0:00:34- That's disgusting!- He's a hippy! - That's one word for him!
0:00:34 > 0:00:36- Can I be a hippy, Mum?- No. Brush!
0:00:36 > 0:00:38I've finished. Look!
0:00:39 > 0:00:44Oh, wow! It looks lovely. It's taken years off me!
0:00:44 > 0:00:47About 35 years, to be exact! Right, come along, you two.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53OPERA PLAYS ON HEADPHONES
0:00:57 > 0:00:59DOG BARKS VICIOUSLY
0:01:00 > 0:01:02ROCK MUSIC BLARES OUT
0:01:02 > 0:01:03Oh!
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Dude!
0:01:08 > 0:01:13# Can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel #
0:01:16 > 0:01:19CONTINUES SINGING TO ROCK MUSIC
0:01:19 > 0:01:22HEADPHONES: Nessun Dorma by Pavarotti
0:01:23 > 0:01:25# Oo-oo-ooh
0:01:28 > 0:01:30HORN BLARES
0:01:36 > 0:01:40Oh, my God! Did I sleep through a rave or something?
0:01:40 > 0:01:41Alfie!
0:01:41 > 0:01:44- Have you even been to bed? - A soldier never sleeps, Mother.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47I'm trying to kill the Dark Destroyer.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50It's a German nerd. He's been trying to annihilate her for 36 hours!
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Alfie! How did these get here?
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Sorry. They're mine.
0:01:56 > 0:01:57Oh.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Right. Can you tidy up now, boys, please?
0:02:01 > 0:02:03- Why?- "Why"?
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Because this is my home, not a squat!
0:02:06 > 0:02:07Sorry.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11- Alfie! Move it, now.- OK.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13OK. Oh, a result! Pepperoni!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16I'll just go help her, then, shall I?
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Cheers, mate. She can be a bit stressy.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24SCREECHES
0:02:24 > 0:02:25HORN BLARES
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Up yours, Granddad!
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Shouldn't you recycle those?
0:02:40 > 0:02:41Yes, probably.
0:02:44 > 0:02:45Do you think maybe...
0:02:47 > 0:02:49..we should at some point...
0:02:49 > 0:02:51discuss the kiss?
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Yes, probably. But at the moment I feel like I'm being buried alive
0:02:54 > 0:02:59in people and sleeping bags and forgotten homework,
0:02:59 > 0:03:00odd socks and pizza boxes.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02So I vote, if it's OK with you,
0:03:02 > 0:03:06that we, er, that we forget that our...our...our...
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Kiss.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Thank you. ..ever happened.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13That we bury it very deeply,
0:03:13 > 0:03:15throw a lot of earth over it,
0:03:15 > 0:03:17maybe lay down some concrete
0:03:17 > 0:03:20and possibly even erect a conservatory over it.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Like a serial killer would do.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Yes.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28We bury our kiss.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Alfie, start tidying up now.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34Excuse me.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42Alfie, I don't want to have to ask you again! Turn that off!
0:03:42 > 0:03:45I will as soon as I've killed the Dark Destroyer and her minions.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50- Oi!- There.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53I've killed her for you. Now, get up, sort this out,
0:03:53 > 0:03:56and if you're planning on staying around, you need to get a job.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Ooh!
0:03:58 > 0:03:59Oh! Oh!
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Ding-dong! Knock-knock!
0:04:03 > 0:04:05What? I knocked, vocally.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08- You should have waited! I could be...- Jesus, what happened to your hair?
0:04:08 > 0:04:12- Jason, I'm not in the mood!- Blimey, what threw up and died in here?
0:04:12 > 0:04:13My son.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- He leaves a trail of destruction wherever he goes.- Like his mum!
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- Ha-ha(!)- Time to get down to business.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21My Big Boy's exploded.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- Sounds painful.- The Big Boy is a foot-long premium sausage
0:04:25 > 0:04:29in a light pastry puff drizzled - optional - with a baked bean jus.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32- Just a big sausage roll, then?- It's time to expand the fleet, Gem Gem.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36- I'm going to get another van! - Don't call me that. And this is my business, too,
0:04:36 > 0:04:39so I'll check over the accounts and see if we can afford a new van.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43- Give Alfie a job!- No, no way! The boy's a walking disaster!
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- You'll need somebody to drive the new van.- No. Anyway,
0:04:46 > 0:04:48I was going to employ a woman.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52This is a family business, remember, and Alfie is family. No Alfie,
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- no new van.- He wouldn't want to work with me anyway.- He will.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58- Alfie, where are you going?- To bed.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00It's been a long night, Mother. My thumbs ache.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Get your shoes on. You're working with Jason today.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06- Wh...- No. No words or pulling a sickie or making excuses.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Shoes on, quick sticks, then out to hunt and gather.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11No choice, mate. Your mum's gone all Margaret Thatcher on us.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Looks like the lady's not for turning!
0:05:13 > 0:05:16- What?- It's what Margaret Thatcher said.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Jason, if you have to explain it, it means it's not funny.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Girls, time to go! Go on!
0:05:21 > 0:05:22Yes.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25- Look, Dad, I've got pants on my head.- Yes, I know.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28The girls are going straight from school to Chloe Bryant's.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- Is she the mono-browed one?- Jason! Yeah, she's the mono-browed one.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33- Alfie, come on, mate. - I'm not your mate!
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- Do I have to?- Come on, you loved doing the sandwich run when you were younger.
0:05:36 > 0:05:41- You'd beg me to let Jason take you. - Now I'm begging you not to. - Come on.- Morning all!
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Oh, hello, Tom. What are you doing here?
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- Yeah, what are you doing here? - Just passing, you know.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49But you live over by the big Asda.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Yes, but I jog all over the place. You know how it is.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55- No, I don't!- Nice trackie, mate. - Thanks. I thought so.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Pure polyester?
0:05:57 > 0:05:58Tom, would you like to come in?
0:05:58 > 0:06:01- I wouldn't if I were you. It's disgusting in there!- No, it isn't.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04- He's exaggerating.- I'm not. I think I saw a rat.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Probably your own reflection. Goodbye, Jason!
0:06:07 > 0:06:09That man's a proper pillock.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12I think he's the best guy my mum's ever been with.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15- I'll drive.- I don't think so. This is fully loaded with Big Boys.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- It needs a real man behind the wheel.- Do you know any?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20You'll have to go in the back till I drop the girls.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22And keep your paws off the produce.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24I'll get travel sick back here!
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Hey, hey, hey!
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Stop eating the profits!
0:06:31 > 0:06:35One day, girls, all this will be yours.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Try and contain yourself, girls!
0:06:37 > 0:06:40I'm running a women's self-defence class tonight.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Off-shoot of my Taekwondo class. Thought you might like to come?
0:06:43 > 0:06:47- Well, that's very kind.- It could be our first activity date.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Maybe we could grab a smoothie after we've showered down.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Well, in separate showers, obviously!
0:06:52 > 0:06:56I'm not sure. I've got the books to do, and the house is a tip,
0:06:56 > 0:06:59what with Alfie back and Billy on the sofa, it's chaos.
0:06:59 > 0:07:03Hey, Billy could move in with me, if it would help?
0:07:03 > 0:07:05- What?!- No!
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Sorry. No, I didn't mean that Billy had to leave.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10- I just...- I've got a box room. - Wow, that's, um...
0:07:10 > 0:07:15- Um... I'm not sure.- I am being a bit selfish here. Grown-up company would help.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19I know you can't get more grown up than my Poppy,
0:07:19 > 0:07:23but there's only so much needlepoint and reading aloud from the Diaries of Mao Tse Tung a man can take!
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Do you play Canasta?
0:07:25 > 0:07:27No. I mean, I can...
0:07:27 > 0:07:29That's very kind, Tom, but he's fine here. Aren't you?
0:07:29 > 0:07:33- Unless, of course, you want to... - No. I mean, here is good.
0:07:33 > 0:07:38Just a thought to help you out. Here's my card. Call me if you want out of the mad house.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Right. Well, I'm off to look for a job.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42- Oh.- Happy hunting!
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Please come.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50- Fran is.- Is she?
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Oh. Well, er... OK.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Great!
0:07:56 > 0:07:58You know, most people are attacked by someone they know.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01I won't attack you, obviously,
0:08:01 > 0:08:03but someone else, you know, might.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13SQUELCHING
0:08:27 > 0:08:31- Move your arse!- I'm not wearing that poncey cap and apron!
0:08:31 > 0:08:33There's nothing poncey about it. I designed it.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35- It says, "Professional". - It says, "Idiot".
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Out now.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Come on.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54You've got to be joking! I'll look like Little Red Riding Hood!
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Get on with it. And don't come back till you've sold the lot.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Hey, have you been eating a Big Boy?
0:08:58 > 0:09:00No.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05- My, what big teeth you have! - All the better to eat you with!
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Hello to you, Tom.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13I squeal when I see you are class leader.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16- God dag!- You are remembering me.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Of course. It's great to see you here.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21I'm having two minds for coming
0:09:21 > 0:09:22because I'm very strong.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24My father and brothers make me join them in combat
0:09:24 > 0:09:27with the traditional Swedish Mora fighting knives.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30This one, I carry it always.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32My father made for me when I left home.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Gosh. Right.
0:09:34 > 0:09:35I'm not sure. Perhaps you should...
0:09:35 > 0:09:39My problem, Tom, is that my looks attract green-eared monster in other womens.
0:09:39 > 0:09:44I'm always sensing an imminent attack from less beautiful woman.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Right. Well, I think I can certainly help you.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50I must say, though, that I don't think that the knife is quite what...
0:09:55 > 0:09:56Sorry.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01I need to get to my locker.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Sorry. Always in the way!
0:10:03 > 0:10:05I'll just, um...
0:10:08 > 0:10:09Oh...
0:10:09 > 0:10:11It's...water.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Where are all the men?
0:10:25 > 0:10:28It's a women-only class.
0:10:28 > 0:10:29What?!
0:10:30 > 0:10:31Hello!
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Wow!
0:10:34 > 0:10:36I'm so glad you came!
0:10:36 > 0:10:40No offence, Tom, but I'm heading to the gym.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42I need ripped men, not defenceless women.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45- Please stay!- You'll be fine!
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Look, Inca's here.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48Yes...
0:10:49 > 0:10:51She's very enthusiastic.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54All right, everyone. Pair up.
0:11:04 > 0:11:05GEMMA GROANS
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Gemma, are you OK?
0:11:08 > 0:11:09What? Yes. No, I'm fine.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12I didn't have a partner
0:11:12 > 0:11:14so I was just bouncing.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20I'm so glad you made it, Gemma.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23I know this is an odd sort of a date,
0:11:23 > 0:11:27but you're actually quite good at it for a tiny person.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29I'm not that tiny!
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Like a tiny, tired sparrow.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Although not all tiny things are defenceless.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Think of the golden poison dart frog.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41A mere two inches long, but has the venom to kill ten men!
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Who wants to attack Gemma?
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Ja!
0:11:50 > 0:11:52All right?
0:11:54 > 0:11:57She's just popped out the back, mate. Short-staffed.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Right. Thanks.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02She's a lesbian, you know.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04- Oh, right.- Yep.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Oh, hey!
0:12:12 > 0:12:13- Thanks.- No problem.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16What can I get you?
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Probably about half a pint of lager?
0:12:19 > 0:12:21- You're Alfie's mate, right?- Yeah.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Have a half on me.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25I'll buy you one back when he gets here.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29You know what? Why don't I take it out of your wages?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32- You need someone? - For today, definitely.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35My other half has flu.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38MAN CLEARS THROAT I've got half a dozen hens arriving at five.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41I'd need more than a pint to do the stripper thing.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45I've got that covered. But I do need a barman tonight if you can help?
0:12:45 > 0:12:47- When do I start?- How long will it take you to drink your pint?
0:12:47 > 0:12:49I never drink on duty.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51If it's going begging?
0:12:59 > 0:13:01You won't turn her.
0:13:02 > 0:13:03I've tried.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Oh. I'll bear that in mind.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13See? Wasn't so bad today, was it?
0:13:13 > 0:13:16S'pose. Plenty of fit women in those offices, that's for sure.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Yeah, well, keep your eye on the butties, not the hotties is my advice.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Starts off as in innocent flirt and before you know it,
0:13:23 > 0:13:25you've set up home and they ask you to get a sperm count.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Anyway, you did well today.
0:13:30 > 0:13:31Thanks.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33HORN BEEPS
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- Right. Out you pop.- What, here?
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- Get the bus. I've got to collect Inca from her self-defence class. - Makes sense.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42She can't rely on you to defend her, can she?
0:13:42 > 0:13:46- Why not?- Because you're physically challenged, like an old, withered badger.
0:13:48 > 0:13:515:00am tomorrow. Don't be late. Here.
0:13:55 > 0:13:56HORNS BLARE
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Old badger?
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Cheek!
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Oh, not that bloody nincompoop!
0:14:16 > 0:14:18- Agh!- Ooh!
0:14:18 > 0:14:21- Oh, no!- Bloody hell!
0:14:21 > 0:14:22Go on, Gems!
0:14:22 > 0:14:26- If only she had the balls to do that when you two were together!- Isn't there a restraining order on you?
0:14:26 > 0:14:30A misunderstanding when the sauna doors got stuck. It was very hot. I could have died.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34The guy who got stuck in there with you looked half dead when he came out!
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Inca looks like she's enjoying herself!
0:14:36 > 0:14:40Must be weird for her sitting on top of a real man for a change!
0:14:47 > 0:14:49# You're insecure
0:14:49 > 0:14:51# Don't know what for
0:14:51 > 0:14:55# You're turning heads when you walk through the do-o-or #
0:14:56 > 0:14:59- What's up, Doc?- That's original(!) - I try. Nice ears.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03- Thanks. Same to you.- Thanks. Although mine are more like mouse's.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06In fact, Alfie's built like a mouse all over.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Yeah, right!
0:15:08 > 0:15:11- What can I get you? - Carrot juice, obviously.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Get your hairy mitts off her!
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Right. That's it!
0:15:23 > 0:15:25That's right.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27It's worked well. You have me overcome!
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Hello, Jason.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35We're not quite finished yet. If you can wait in the other room for Inca.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39- The studio is a soft-shoed area only.- I'm here to join the class.
0:15:39 > 0:15:40But it's not for men, Jason.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42I call that sexist.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45And that's illegal in some countries.
0:15:45 > 0:15:50I'm just as likely to get attacked as any of you. More, even.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53True. I know loads of people who want to punch you!
0:15:54 > 0:15:57I would be happy to arrange an all-male class, if there's enough interest.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59I want to join this one.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Right.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05Well, if there are no objections, it might be handy to have another "attacker".
0:16:09 > 0:16:11- What an idiot!- Yeah, I know!
0:16:11 > 0:16:13I was talking about you.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18I could offer you a couple of shifts this week, if you're interested?
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Thanks, but it might not be enough. Might go back home.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25If there's nothing for you to stay here for, it makes sense.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28Well, there kind of is.
0:16:30 > 0:16:35- Alfie?- He's cute, but no!
0:16:35 > 0:16:37It's complicated.
0:16:37 > 0:16:43- She's already taken?- Not yet, but to have halfway is harder than not at all.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47- Quite the philosopher.- It's written in the men's toilets.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52So that's why it's important to practise these moves
0:16:52 > 0:16:57at home with a partner or a friend.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01- Looks like you've got a thrilling night ahead, Gem Gem!- Shut up!
0:17:01 > 0:17:04So you must do what you can to loosen your assailant's grip.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08- Bite, scratch...- I'm professional nail technician
0:17:08 > 0:17:10if any woman is needing new nails.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14Thank you, Inca. So, who wants to attack me?
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Come on, who's it going to be? Anybody?
0:17:21 > 0:17:23- Scared?- No!
0:17:23 > 0:17:25I just don't want to hurt him.
0:17:29 > 0:17:30Yes!
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Oh. Right. I was looking for a lady, but...
0:17:33 > 0:17:34Near as dammit!
0:17:34 > 0:17:36If you'll join me over here, Jason.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Right. Now, you will attack me.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47- It'll be my pleasure.- And I will overcome you.- You can try!
0:17:48 > 0:17:50In your own time.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53BOTH MEN GRUNT
0:17:56 > 0:17:58WOMEN CHANT: Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom!
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Come on, Jason!
0:18:10 > 0:18:14Isn't it thrill to see our two men fight like rabid bears!
0:18:14 > 0:18:16I wouldn't call it thrill exactly.
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Yield? Do you yield?
0:18:22 > 0:18:25I will never yield!
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Yield! Yield!
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Get up, Jason.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38- In a minute, love.- Are you all right?
0:18:38 > 0:18:39Wasn't too rough, was I?
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Not rough enough, if anything, no.
0:18:42 > 0:18:46- I just didn't want to look like a show-off.- Don't worry, you didn't!
0:18:50 > 0:18:55# Everybody loves a lover
0:18:55 > 0:18:57# I'm a lover
0:18:57 > 0:19:00# Everybody loves me
0:19:00 > 0:19:03# Gee, I feel just about ten feet tall
0:19:03 > 0:19:06# I've been having a ball... #
0:19:08 > 0:19:10WOMEN CHEER
0:19:10 > 0:19:12All right!
0:19:13 > 0:19:15What do you say?
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Off! Off! Off! Off!
0:19:17 > 0:19:20# ..Everybody loves me, yes they do
0:19:20 > 0:19:23# And I love everybody... #
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Move.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29I think I've peaked too early. What time is it?
0:19:29 > 0:19:32- It's 6.30.- I'm gonna be sick!
0:19:32 > 0:19:34I ate too many Big Boys!
0:19:35 > 0:19:37- Where are all the bunnies going? - Watership Down.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41- Is that a new club?- Never mind, mate. I'll call a cab and take you home.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42OK?
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Here we go. Here we go.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47I can't understand what you see in him.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50What, beyond his generous and kind personality,
0:19:50 > 0:19:51- his strength...- He's so obvious.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55If you mean obviously good-looking, then yes, he's obvious.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59Look at him. All over her like a dirty rash.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01- I don't think he's interested in her like that.- No offence,
0:20:01 > 0:20:06but Inca has powers over men that a woman like you couldn't possibly understand.
0:20:21 > 0:20:26- What are you doing, Jason? - I'm your protector. Me, not him.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29- What?- I want to look after you forever, my delicate flower.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Praise Odin! Is this the proposal?
0:20:31 > 0:20:35Not exactly. More a declaration.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39Yes! Yes, I will be your wife. I will be Inca Adolphson Jones.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41No, hang on. What I meant was...
0:20:41 > 0:20:45- We are to be wife and husband! - One day.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47One day. We'll have a long engagement. Aghh!
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Ooh. Mmm.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55This must remind you of when Jason proposed to you.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58He asked me on the family day out at Chessington.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00On the log flume.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02He'd asked Alfie to keep the ring safe.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Alfie ate it. We had to wait two days to get it back!
0:21:05 > 0:21:06Oh.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09It is hard, though, when an ex moves on.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12I know when Selina and Imran bought their Lexus, I knew I had to try.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16Jason and I have been over a long time.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Although it's never really over when you have a child, is it?
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Fancy that smoothie?
0:21:24 > 0:21:28I think I'll head home. But thanks for tonight, Tom. It's been...fun.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Yeah, you want some? Frankly, it's a relief.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Oh, I can do dirty!
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Watch this!
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Wow, you just beat Alfie's highest score.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56How long have you been standing there?
0:21:56 > 0:21:57Long enough.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00I'd say you've got some pent-up anger you need releasing.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Not so much anger. More petty annoyances.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09Is me being here included in the petty annoyances?
0:22:09 > 0:22:13Cos I was thinking maybe I should go...
0:22:14 > 0:22:16..home.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Back to Ireland.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Well, you don't have to go that far!
0:22:21 > 0:22:25I mean I don't want to push you out of, um...
0:22:25 > 0:22:28out of Alfie's life altogether.
0:22:28 > 0:22:33So are we saying a bus ride away?
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Well, um...
0:22:36 > 0:22:40..being a bus ride away would probably stop the kissing.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42And, uh...
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Well, the kissing always leads to, um...
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Well, it leads to...
0:22:48 > 0:22:52You know, the complicated thing that happens after kissing.
0:22:52 > 0:22:53So, um...
0:22:54 > 0:22:56It might be safer.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Then safer it'll be.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10I'll be on my way.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13What? No! No. No, I mean, you don't have to leave now.
0:23:13 > 0:23:18I mean, it's late and the buses are less frequent after 11.
0:23:18 > 0:23:23I think I do, otherwise the complicated thing that happens after the kissing might happen.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Oh, right. Right.
0:23:25 > 0:23:31Um, well, in that case, I won't kiss you goodbye.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35Good. Because neither of us want the complicated thing to happen.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39No. No, of course not. No, not at all. Eugh!
0:23:43 > 0:23:44Oh, right. Yes. Yes.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Um...
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Nice to have had you. Er, staying here!
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Goodbye, Mrs Jones.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Goodbye, Mr...
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Delaney.
0:24:01 > 0:24:02Right.
0:24:04 > 0:24:05Delaney.
0:24:08 > 0:24:09Billy Delaney.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Right.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Ow! Oh!
0:24:39 > 0:24:40Oh!
0:24:41 > 0:24:44So I've phoned my father and brothers
0:24:44 > 0:24:47and told them about our most exciting news.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51My father said he's glad he doesn't have to hunt you down and kill you now!
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Great(!)
0:24:57 > 0:25:01Let's hold off telling my girls, though, until we have a date. OK?
0:25:01 > 0:25:02Jesus!
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Oh, Jason, do you feel pain?
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Just a bit tender.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08I hope your baby-making pods are not damaged.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10No, they're all fine.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12I just twisted my back at work.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Not the fighting?
0:25:14 > 0:25:15No!
0:25:15 > 0:25:17That was child's play.
0:25:19 > 0:25:20Jason,
0:25:20 > 0:25:23I need diamond.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26We'll look into getting a ring for you, love,
0:25:26 > 0:25:28but I have to buy a new van first.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31You put the purchase of a van before Inca?!
0:25:31 > 0:25:34More vans means more money for diamonds.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Let's not rush things, love.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43- But...- I just want to enjoy every minute.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46I want everything to be perfect for you.
0:25:46 > 0:25:51Oh, it will, Jason. I will be the most beautiful bride.
0:26:03 > 0:26:04KNOCKING
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Yep, come in.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09- Hello, mate.- Hey.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Some fresh towels and a cup of Japanese tea.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16It's a yunomi. It has no handle
0:26:16 > 0:26:20- so you feel the warmth directly by cupping it in both hands.- Lovely.
0:26:25 > 0:26:30- Right, old chap. I'm going to watch Morse, if you want to join me? - Thanks, Tom, but I'm knackered.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34- No problem. We'll clear out the rest of Poppy's old toys tomorrow.- Cool.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Yep.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41It's great having you here, mate.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44- Night!- Good night!
0:27:12 > 0:27:18# I am just a little girl... #
0:27:18 > 0:27:20I mean, kissing's not so bad, is it?
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Doesn't always lead to...
0:27:25 > 0:27:27There's lots of men and it hasn't led to...
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Has it?
0:27:30 > 0:27:32No.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Night.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41Has anyone ever told you you have very weird eyes?
0:27:48 > 0:27:50And no funny business!
0:27:56 > 0:28:02# We spend all our time lying side by side
0:28:02 > 0:28:04# Going nowhere, it's really something
0:28:04 > 0:28:07# Getting busy doing nothing
0:28:07 > 0:28:10# We spend all our time
0:28:10 > 0:28:12# Running for our lives
0:28:12 > 0:28:15# Going nowhere, it's really something
0:28:15 > 0:28:19# Getting busy doing nothing. #
0:28:19 > 0:28:21Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd