0:00:10 > 0:00:12Tonight on my Big Show...
0:00:12 > 0:00:16Dragon Peter Jones plays Celebrity Send To All,
0:00:16 > 0:00:19hilarious comedy from Romesh Ranganathan,
0:00:19 > 0:00:22flamenco-dancing brothers Los Vivancos,
0:00:22 > 0:00:26the legend that is Rod Stewart
0:00:26 > 0:00:30and who will be our Unexpected Star?
0:00:34 > 0:00:38- ANNOUNCER:- Ladies and gentlemen it's the Big Show!
0:00:38 > 0:00:43Please welcome your host, Michael McIntyre!
0:00:43 > 0:00:44THUD!
0:00:45 > 0:00:47KNOCKING
0:00:51 > 0:00:52GLASS BREAKING
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Oh, yes!
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Good evening, hello, hi.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02You all right?
0:01:02 > 0:01:06Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to my Big Show!
0:01:06 > 0:01:09That's what's happening.
0:01:12 > 0:01:17So we have a fantastic show for you this evening - are you up for that?
0:01:17 > 0:01:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:22 > 0:01:24I'll be playing my favourite game of them all,
0:01:24 > 0:01:27- Celebrity Send To All - yes, mm. AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:01:28 > 0:01:31And as ever, one person will be getting
0:01:31 > 0:01:33the biggest surprise of their life,
0:01:33 > 0:01:38when we find out who will be our latest Unexpected Star of the show.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:01:41 > 0:01:42This really is a magnificent theatre.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46I should say hello to everybody at the top - are you OK up there?
0:01:46 > 0:01:48CHEERING Yes!
0:01:48 > 0:01:50You're not in the best seats.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Is there...can everybody see? Is there any....?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54- GALLERY:- No! - LAUGHTER
0:01:56 > 0:01:59That's not gone well. You liked that, didn't you?
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Look how smug you're looking right now.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07"Well, I did get here early enough and I took my seat in the stalls."
0:02:08 > 0:02:10A lot of these old theatres,
0:02:10 > 0:02:12they have restricted-view seating that they sell.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14I don't know, first of all, why those seats are there.
0:02:14 > 0:02:15Why do they do that?
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Who sees a pillar in a theatre and just thinks,
0:02:17 > 0:02:22"We'll just put a seat behind there and sell it on the cheap."
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Do people feel pleased with getting a bargain?
0:02:24 > 0:02:25"I went out last night to the theatre,
0:02:25 > 0:02:27"I saw The Lion, The Witch...
0:02:27 > 0:02:30"I never saw the wardrobe, but I did get a great deal on the tickets.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34"I saw Snow White and I counted four dwarves, four out of seven,
0:02:34 > 0:02:36"that's good enough for me."
0:02:37 > 0:02:40The weather's getting nicer, have you noticed?
0:02:40 > 0:02:41It's got springy, it's got a bit springy.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44I've started watching the weather forecast again
0:02:44 > 0:02:45cos I don't watch it in the winter.
0:02:45 > 0:02:46I don't see the point.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Who watches the weather forecast? It's so boring.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52"It's going to be 4, and then 6 in the afternoon",
0:02:52 > 0:02:55and people watch this, going, "That's exciting,
0:02:55 > 0:02:57"we should go out in the afternoon, it's going to be 6."
0:02:57 > 0:02:59But I'm watching it again cos it's getting quite fun,
0:02:59 > 0:03:02but they do tell you things you don't need to know -
0:03:02 > 0:03:04like, I need to know if it's going to be windy,
0:03:04 > 0:03:06I need to know the speed of the wind, obviously.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08I don't think I need to know the direction.
0:03:08 > 0:03:09Why do they tell us the direction?
0:03:09 > 0:03:13"It's going to be a stiff north-easterly breeze."
0:03:13 > 0:03:15I'm not sailing to work, I really don't care.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Are people leaving slightly later?
0:03:18 > 0:03:20"Oh, with a tailwind,
0:03:20 > 0:03:22"I'll get there in half the time, this is fantastic!"
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Are people walking around with compasses?
0:03:24 > 0:03:26"Well, they got that wrong."
0:03:28 > 0:03:30And I think it's about time they stop with the pressure.
0:03:30 > 0:03:35Nobody knows what pressure is on the weather.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Nobody has any idea what it means
0:03:37 > 0:03:39but they keep telling us about the pressure -
0:03:39 > 0:03:41"There's going to be some high pressure coming in here,
0:03:41 > 0:03:44"and later in the week, there's going to be low pressure."
0:03:44 > 0:03:45We just go, "Oh, I don't care."
0:03:45 > 0:03:48No-one's changed their plans according to the pressure,
0:03:48 > 0:03:50No-one's ever shown up -
0:03:50 > 0:03:52"Sorry I'm late, I got stuck in the pressure."
0:03:52 > 0:03:53We don't know what it means.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58I tell you, though, the weather's no good
0:03:58 > 0:04:00if you live in Scotland or Northern Ireland,
0:04:00 > 0:04:03cos at the end of every weather forecast, they always go,
0:04:03 > 0:04:06"except Scotland and Northern Ireland.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08"You won't be getting any nice weather at all,
0:04:08 > 0:04:10"you'll have what you're used to - rain and misery."
0:04:10 > 0:04:11The weather's terrible there.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13I lived in Scotland for about a year.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16You know when it gets cold here in England
0:04:16 > 0:04:17and you can see your breath, you know,
0:04:17 > 0:04:20because it's rare, so you comment on it, you know...
0:04:20 > 0:04:22HE EXHALES "Oh! Oh, darling, look..."
0:04:22 > 0:04:23HE EXHALES
0:04:23 > 0:04:26"It's cold - look, children, you can see my breath, it's cold."
0:04:26 > 0:04:28HE EXHALES "You do it..."
0:04:28 > 0:04:30It's a novelty.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32In Scotland, it's like that every day.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34They actually freak out when they can't see their breath.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37They panic when they're on holiday, they wake each other up in the night -
0:04:37 > 0:04:39SCOTTISH ACCENT: "Oh, sorry, Ken.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40"I thought you were dead.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45"I didn't see anything coming out of your face.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49"It's so disconcerting here with the temperatures in Lanzarote."
0:04:51 > 0:04:53APPLAUSE
0:04:56 > 0:05:00Now it is time for my favourite game in the whole wide world -
0:05:00 > 0:05:02it's Send To All!
0:05:02 > 0:05:07Of course...this is where I take somebody's mobile telephone -
0:05:07 > 0:05:08a celebrity, indeed -
0:05:08 > 0:05:11and I send a text of my choosing to their contacts
0:05:11 > 0:05:13and then we see what hilarious replies they get
0:05:13 > 0:05:15at the end of the show.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19So let's see who's in our Celebrity Send To All box this week.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Why, it's none other...
0:05:22 > 0:05:24than Dragons Den's...
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Peter Jones is here! Jonesy!
0:05:27 > 0:05:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Oh, Jonesy.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Michael...
0:05:32 > 0:05:36Lovely to see you. Thank you so, so much for being here.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Are you all right? Enjoying the show?
0:05:38 > 0:05:40I'm all right - I brought my mum here today.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Aw! APPLAUSE
0:05:42 > 0:05:48- Hello, hi, Mum.- Hello. - Nice to see you.- A special treat.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50It was slightly tactical as well, cos I knew
0:05:50 > 0:05:52you wouldn't be horrible to me if I brought my mum here.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- And who's this gentleman? - And this is my father, David.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58APPLAUSE
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Nice to meet you, Mum and Dad, what a pleasure.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Ladies and gentlemen, Peter Jones has brought his parents.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Wow.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09You are a fantastic sport for agreeing to do this.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11You are very successful, Peter, we can't deny that.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14You're in this TV show where you invest in businesses,
0:06:14 > 0:06:16so how many businesses are you now involved in?
0:06:16 > 0:06:18We've got 28 at the moment, yeah.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21That's amazing, to have 28 businesses.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26OK, but you're a very modest and very wonderful person
0:06:26 > 0:06:27and I know you personally
0:06:27 > 0:06:29and I'm so grateful for you coming here and doing this
0:06:29 > 0:06:32and I hope we can remain friends after tonight.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34PETER LAUGHS
0:06:34 > 0:06:38So what I'm going to do, Peter, is I would like to confirm with you,
0:06:38 > 0:06:40you have no idea the text that I'm going to send into your phone,
0:06:40 > 0:06:42you don't know the text I'm going to write.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46- Not at all.- You haven't told anybody in your phone
0:06:46 > 0:06:48to expect a text of any kind?
0:06:48 > 0:06:49Well, thank you for doing that.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52So if I could ask you to place your mobile
0:06:52 > 0:06:57into this contraption here, which is... It's a delivery system.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59If I'm honest, it looks like...
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Oh, my goodness, you've brought a lot of coats.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07It's not that cold - how many coats do you need?
0:07:11 > 0:07:13APPLAUSE
0:07:19 > 0:07:23"What time's the show start? What's the forecast say?"
0:07:27 > 0:07:29All right - so, here we have this contraption,
0:07:29 > 0:07:32which, if I'm honest, it looks like some of the junk
0:07:32 > 0:07:34people come into Dragons Den with.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37This probably would just make the montage bit -
0:07:37 > 0:07:39"Earlier tonight on Dragons Den,
0:07:39 > 0:07:42"we had this contraption for bringing phones downstairs."
0:07:44 > 0:07:46All right, here we go, it's coming...coming down here,
0:07:46 > 0:07:47there we go.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Ladies and gentlemen, I am now in possession
0:07:50 > 0:07:54of Peter Jones' phone, Jonesy!
0:07:54 > 0:07:55He's my favourite Dragon!
0:07:58 > 0:08:02So, apparently, this should pop up on the screen, uh...now!
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Yeah!
0:08:05 > 0:08:10Oh, Peter, you look so tense - don't worry, you're in safe hands.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Brain... Oh, this classic, look at that one up there!
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Brain Games.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17We're all looking at this going,
0:08:17 > 0:08:20"We should get these apps cos it might make us really rich."
0:08:22 > 0:08:25These are the apps of a rich man.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Doodle Jump? What on earth is Doodle Jump?
0:08:28 > 0:08:30- You have to keep jumping... - Can I play Doodle Jump?
0:08:30 > 0:08:32What do I do?
0:08:32 > 0:08:33Yeah, that's it!
0:08:34 > 0:08:36What do I do?
0:08:36 > 0:08:37Turn it! Turn it!
0:08:37 > 0:08:39That's it, that's it.
0:08:41 > 0:08:42Oh, game over!
0:08:42 > 0:08:44APPLAUSE
0:08:44 > 0:08:45Oh, wow.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Oh, look, it's got advertising -
0:08:47 > 0:08:49you couldn't even be bothered to pay for the full game.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52PETER LAUGHS
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Classic Jonesy - unbelievable.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Oh, photos that...that seems like that would be...
0:08:59 > 0:09:00Oh, my God.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04What's that, Jonesy? Where's that?
0:09:04 > 0:09:06That's my house in Barbados.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08- Oh. AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:09:09 > 0:09:13"Hi, Peter, where are you?" "Er, just Doodle Jumping in Barbs."
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Peter, most people, when they're on holiday,
0:09:17 > 0:09:21take photos of other people on holiday with them,
0:09:21 > 0:09:23they don't just walk around going,
0:09:23 > 0:09:24"I own that, brilliant."
0:09:24 > 0:09:26PETER LAUGHS
0:09:30 > 0:09:31Oh, my God!
0:09:37 > 0:09:40There's nothing wrong with that picture, apart from the fact...
0:09:40 > 0:09:44Who's taking it? Who's taking that picture?
0:09:44 > 0:09:45I think Tara, my other half, took it
0:09:45 > 0:09:47to...to try and get me in the gym.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Right.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51I think you're looking pretty good, Peter.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54I suspect you took that yourself on a timer.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56PETER LAUGHS
0:09:56 > 0:09:59I think you spent quite a long time
0:09:59 > 0:10:02setting the phone up against the sun lounger
0:10:02 > 0:10:04and then obviously, when you got on the lilo,
0:10:04 > 0:10:07it started going in the wrong direction.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10You had to time it just right - "Here it comes."
0:10:13 > 0:10:14Good old Jonesy.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Oh, my goodness, what's... Who's that?
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- Oh... - Is that you?!
0:10:19 > 0:10:20- That's me. - Oh, my God!
0:10:20 > 0:10:22MICHAEL LAUGHS
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Oh, my God - is this Undercover Boss?
0:10:25 > 0:10:26Yeah, no, so... What this was
0:10:26 > 0:10:29was me going into Jessops when I first bought it.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Your life is absolutely sensational!
0:10:31 > 0:10:33So you went in there, dressed as a person.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Yeah, so I went three hours with prosthetics to try,
0:10:35 > 0:10:37- so people wouldn't recognise me... - Right.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40..and we filmed it undercover to see what it would be like
0:10:40 > 0:10:41to, sort of, work in the store.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43And how was it?
0:10:43 > 0:10:45It was a massive experience but the worst thing
0:10:45 > 0:10:47was that so many people recognised me.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- People recognised you? - And I...
0:10:49 > 0:10:50Yeah, they recognised you as a Hairy Biker.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53I look at that and I think I'd recognise myself as well, which is sad.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Oh, I love this. There's a lot of fun in your life.
0:10:56 > 0:11:00Ant and Dec? Ant and Dec?!
0:11:00 > 0:11:01- What's this about? - This was about...
0:11:01 > 0:11:05This was a thing that pitched on Dragons Den called Tangle Teeze.
0:11:05 > 0:11:06- Right.- And I said,
0:11:06 > 0:11:09"It's not going to work, it's just not going to work",
0:11:09 > 0:11:11and they text me saying, "It's not going to work?"
0:11:11 > 0:11:13It's sold about £30 million worth of products.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16What does it do?
0:11:16 > 0:11:17It untangles your hair.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19And they...they use it? Ant and Dec...?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21No, they...they bought it and text it to me.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23- Oh, wow. - Sent the picture to tease me.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25GEORDIE ACCENT: "Oh, look at that -
0:11:25 > 0:11:27"let's tease Peter Jones about Tangle Teeze."
0:11:29 > 0:11:32"I can't believe he didn't invest in this."
0:11:34 > 0:11:36All right - here we go, ladies and gentlemen.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39This is the text I'm putting into Peter Jones' phone
0:11:39 > 0:11:41and, let's be honest, whatever happens tonight,
0:11:41 > 0:11:42he's going to be OK.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47The options of where Peter can hide are...
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Well, he can go to his house in Barbados
0:11:50 > 0:11:54or he can put full prosthetics on and be a hairy biker in Jessops.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59All right, let's open with this...
0:11:59 > 0:12:01"Not gonna lie,
0:12:01 > 0:12:03"I've had a few drinks..."
0:12:05 > 0:12:09Oh, God. Oh, no.
0:12:09 > 0:12:14I think that sets us up nicely for the rest of it.
0:12:14 > 0:12:19"Just closed a ridiculously big deal."
0:12:19 > 0:12:22You're going to like this, Pete, you are going to LOVE this.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25"Time to...share the wealth.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31"10k..."
0:12:31 > 0:12:33AUDIENCE GASPS
0:12:33 > 0:12:35"..for the first...
0:12:37 > 0:12:39"..ten people..."
0:12:39 > 0:12:41CHEERING
0:12:45 > 0:12:46PETER'S MUM LAUGHS
0:12:46 > 0:12:48You're my mum!
0:12:48 > 0:12:50"..who give me a good reason..."
0:12:53 > 0:12:59"..why they should have the money.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01"PJ x."
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Oh, you know what? It says you've had a few drinks
0:13:04 > 0:13:07so I'm going to do the accidental "C" instead of a kiss.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:14 > 0:13:16MICHAEL LAUGHS
0:13:16 > 0:13:18That is gold.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Peter, is it worse than you thought?
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Yeah, it's pretty bad.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26It's £100,000, Michael.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30- That is, that is 100, yes... - Yeah.- No, wow, well done.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Ladies and gentlemen, shall I send this text?
0:13:34 > 0:13:35- AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Oh, God, it's going.
0:13:40 > 0:13:41It's gone.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Ladies and gentlemen, Peter Jones, what an amazing sport.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Look at that - thank you so, so much.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51We'll catch up with Peter later on and see what replies we get.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54OK, my next guests are performing
0:13:54 > 0:13:57for the very first time ever on British television.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59- AUDIENCE:- Whoo!
0:13:59 > 0:14:04They are seven sexy flamenco-dancing brothers
0:14:04 > 0:14:05who hail from Espana
0:14:05 > 0:14:08and don't have a shirt between them.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10CHEERING AND WHISTLING
0:14:10 > 0:14:13It's something for the mums -
0:14:13 > 0:14:14Los Vivancos!
0:14:19 > 0:14:21DANCE BEAT
0:15:09 > 0:15:12ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC
0:16:27 > 0:16:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Los Vivancos, ladies and gentlemen!
0:16:40 > 0:16:44Marvellous! Thank you so much, incredible.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47And I would like to take this opportunity,
0:16:47 > 0:16:50ladies and gentlemen, to say that I have a revelation.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54I am not Michael.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56I am Miguel.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00SPANISH ACCENT: For years, I have been masquerading
0:17:00 > 0:17:03as a Chinese comedian.
0:17:04 > 0:17:09But the truth is I am your brother.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13MUSIC PLAYS
0:17:14 > 0:17:16THEY CLAP IN TIME
0:17:26 > 0:17:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:30 > 0:17:32HE PUFFS FRANTICALLY
0:17:36 > 0:17:37HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS
0:17:37 > 0:17:40Los Vivancos, ladies and gentlemen!
0:17:45 > 0:17:49OK - right, ladies and gentlemen, it is time to find out
0:17:49 > 0:17:53who is tonight's Unexpected Star of the show!
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Yes, every week on the Big Show,
0:17:58 > 0:18:01we have surprised a member of the public
0:18:01 > 0:18:04who think they're coming to the theatre for work,
0:18:04 > 0:18:06but are actually here to perform.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09This is Adam Heapy.
0:18:11 > 0:18:12He is an electrician
0:18:12 > 0:18:16and he thinks he is coming to the theatre tonight
0:18:16 > 0:18:18to fix an electrical fault.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21But that's not the plan at all, ladies and gentlemen,
0:18:21 > 0:18:24because Adam is known to his friends, family and colleagues
0:18:24 > 0:18:25as the Singing Electrician.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28HE LIP-SYNCS
0:18:28 > 0:18:31His dream is to be a singer.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Well, tonight, we're going to make Adam's dream come true
0:18:34 > 0:18:37because he's not coming here to mend a spotlight,
0:18:37 > 0:18:39he's here to perform in one.
0:18:39 > 0:18:40Yay!
0:18:40 > 0:18:42APPLAUSE
0:18:43 > 0:18:46So here's what's going to happen.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Adam is on his way to the theatre right now.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51When he gets here, he'll be lead into what he thinks
0:18:51 > 0:18:53is a room with an electrical problem,
0:18:53 > 0:18:56but is actually a fake corridor
0:18:56 > 0:18:58built from the outside all the way through
0:18:58 > 0:19:00and then we're going to put a last bit on it here
0:19:00 > 0:19:03and he's literally going to walk out thinking...
0:19:06 > 0:19:09..thinking that this is the room.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11I mean, this electrician is going to get
0:19:11 > 0:19:13the SHOCK of his life, ladies and gentlemen.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20OK - this has all been set up with the help of his wife Emma.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Emma, are you here? Emma? Emma, darling...
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Yay, Emma! I'm coming to see you, Emma.
0:19:27 > 0:19:28- Hi, Emma, darling. - Hi.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30- Hi, hello, Michael - nice to meet you.- Hello.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Tell us all about Adam.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35He's an electrician, he sings everywhere -
0:19:35 > 0:19:37he sings in the bath, he sings with the kids,
0:19:37 > 0:19:40he sings at football, he sings in the van,
0:19:40 > 0:19:42he sings at work...everywhere.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44- Has he got a good voice? - Really good voice.
0:19:44 > 0:19:45- In that you, you agree with that. - Yes.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48It's not just him, cos sometimes in the bath, cos of the echo,
0:19:48 > 0:19:51you can think you've got a good voice, but it's not so amazing.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52No, he is... He's good.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54So what does he like to sing?
0:19:54 > 0:19:56He sings a lot of James Morrison, Paolo Nutini,
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- Craig David, at the minute. - Do you think he'll relish
0:19:59 > 0:20:00performing for this many people?
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Oh, he will... He'll love it.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Well, that's what we're hoping for. Amazing.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06All right, this is very exciting. Lovely to meet you, Emma.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09- Thank you. - It's Emma, Adam's wife!
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Yes! I'll see you later.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14All right, guys, it's on, it's on.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19OK - well, I can tell you that Adam is on his way
0:20:19 > 0:20:22but then again, he is an electrician, so...
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Well, let's be honest, all men,
0:20:25 > 0:20:29all men here are qualified to a certain degree as electricians.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Um...I count myself amongst you
0:20:31 > 0:20:33when...when a fuse goes in the house,
0:20:33 > 0:20:35when the power goes, you know.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38My wife's watching the telly there's a blackout, she turns to me.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42I can't see her at first, but I know she's looking at me
0:20:42 > 0:20:44with that look that says, "Darling, you're the man,
0:20:44 > 0:20:47"you should be able to handle this situation."
0:20:47 > 0:20:50And, er...well, we all do the same thing, I think -
0:20:50 > 0:20:52we go to the fuse box and we open it
0:20:52 > 0:20:58and we pray that one of the switches is in the off position...
0:20:59 > 0:21:01..and if it is, we feel pretty confident
0:21:01 > 0:21:03we can handle the situation.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05HE CLICKS That's basically it.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10APPLAUSE
0:21:10 > 0:21:12OK, ladies and gentlemen -
0:21:12 > 0:21:17my next guest is a bona fide music god.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19- AUDIENCE:- Whoo!
0:21:19 > 0:21:25He's sold a staggering 200 million records and counting.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30He also holds the record for the number of times
0:21:30 > 0:21:33he's said to the hairdresser, "Same again."
0:21:35 > 0:21:39Oh, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the sensational...
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Mr Rod Stewart's here!
0:21:41 > 0:21:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:48 > 0:21:51MUSIC: Hold The Line by Rod Stewart
0:21:58 > 0:22:01# Hold on We just have to hold on
0:22:01 > 0:22:04# We don't have to cry
0:22:04 > 0:22:06# No, not tonight
0:22:07 > 0:22:11# I know lately everything seems crazy
0:22:11 > 0:22:14# People walking by
0:22:14 > 0:22:16# Just getting by
0:22:17 > 0:22:20# And I just wanna rest my head
0:22:22 > 0:22:25# With roses, and lay down in my bed
0:22:27 > 0:22:30# They say heaven can wait
0:22:31 > 0:22:35# You and I, we'll survive
0:22:35 > 0:22:38# Sometimes we're lost and astray
0:22:38 > 0:22:40# And our hope's far away
0:22:40 > 0:22:42# Hold the line
0:22:43 > 0:22:45# We'll survive
0:22:45 > 0:22:48# So let's just smile through the pain
0:22:48 > 0:22:50# Through the heartache and pain
0:22:50 > 0:22:54# Hold the line Hold the line
0:22:57 > 0:22:58# Oh, yeah!
0:22:59 > 0:23:04# Hold the line Hold the line
0:23:04 > 0:23:05# All right
0:23:07 > 0:23:11# Slow down We just have to slow down
0:23:11 > 0:23:13# Hours are coming fast
0:23:13 > 0:23:16# Way too fast
0:23:16 > 0:23:18# Another grey day
0:23:18 > 0:23:21# Technicolour "save me"
0:23:21 > 0:23:23# Painted in the sky
0:23:23 > 0:23:25# We're alive
0:23:26 > 0:23:30# And I just wanna rest my head
0:23:31 > 0:23:34# And lay down with roses in my bed
0:23:36 > 0:23:40# They say heaven can wait
0:23:40 > 0:23:45# You and I, we'll survive
0:23:45 > 0:23:48# Sometimes we're lost and astray
0:23:48 > 0:23:50# And our hope's far away
0:23:50 > 0:23:52# Hold the line
0:23:52 > 0:23:54# We'll survive
0:23:54 > 0:23:57# So let's just smile through the rain
0:23:57 > 0:24:00# Through the heartache and pain
0:24:00 > 0:24:02# Hold the line
0:24:02 > 0:24:04# We'll survive
0:24:04 > 0:24:05# Oh, yeah
0:24:09 > 0:24:11# Hold the line
0:24:11 > 0:24:13# We'll survive... #
0:24:13 > 0:24:14Here we go, now.
0:24:19 > 0:24:20Whoohoo!
0:24:24 > 0:24:28# Hold on We just have to hold on
0:24:28 > 0:24:30# Now's the time to cry
0:24:30 > 0:24:33# Oh, not tonight
0:24:33 > 0:24:37# I know lately everything seems crazy
0:24:37 > 0:24:40# People walking by
0:24:40 > 0:24:42# Just getting by
0:24:42 > 0:24:45# Sometimes we're lost and astray
0:24:45 > 0:24:47# And our hope's far away
0:24:47 > 0:24:50- # Hold the line - Hold the line
0:24:50 > 0:24:52# We'll survive
0:24:52 > 0:24:54# So let's just walk through the rain
0:24:54 > 0:24:57# Through the heartache and pain
0:24:57 > 0:24:59# Hold the line
0:24:59 > 0:25:02# We'll survive
0:25:02 > 0:25:07# We'll survive Oh, yeah
0:25:07 > 0:25:11# We'll survive, we'll survive
0:25:11 > 0:25:14# Hold the line. #
0:25:14 > 0:25:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:19 > 0:25:24Rod Stewart, ladies and gentlemen, c'mon!
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Oh, good Lord!
0:25:26 > 0:25:30Oh, thank you so much, Rod, such a big pleasure.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Oh, my God, Rod Stewart!
0:25:33 > 0:25:36You're my favourite, thank you so much.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Rod Stewart, c'mon, Rod Stewart. Oh!
0:25:41 > 0:25:45# Ta da da da da da, walk the line... #
0:25:45 > 0:25:48OK. Ladies and gentlemen, now it is time...
0:25:48 > 0:25:50What the...?
0:25:50 > 0:25:52LAUGHTER
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Oh!
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Oh, God, don't you ever, don't you ever, do that to me again.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10Just because I prefer the headset doesn't mean you need to do that.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12LAUGHTER
0:26:16 > 0:26:19A little bit of me hoped it was Rod.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24OK, so let me just say that, um, Peter,
0:26:24 > 0:26:26it must be awful not being with your phone.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29I mean, when I've lost my phone for just a few minutes,
0:26:29 > 0:26:31the tension, it must be excruciating. You're doing
0:26:31 > 0:26:35amazingly well and I can confirm there have been some texts, that's all.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38I don't know them because I want to enjoy them with you.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42But I do know that over 30 people have already texted.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44LAUGHTER
0:26:44 > 0:26:47So that's all still to come.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51All right, I've got news.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53I've got news, Em.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Adam, our Unexpected Star of the show, is in the building.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58CHEERING
0:26:58 > 0:27:01Apparently we've got footage of him arriving.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Oh, my God, there he is.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Is that Adam?
0:27:06 > 0:27:08- Is that Adam, can you see Adam? - Yeah.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12That's him there, with his workmate Steve who is in on it.
0:27:12 > 0:27:16- Yeah.- OK, as I explained earlier, this is Adam, of course,
0:27:16 > 0:27:19he's an electrician who dreams of being a singer.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22He thinks he's come to the theatre to do a job, but really
0:27:22 > 0:27:27he's going to be performing for all of us on this very stage tonight.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29He is now in an office backstage waiting to be taken to
0:27:29 > 0:27:31where our "fault" is.
0:27:31 > 0:27:35Is he reading his manual on how to be an electrician?
0:27:35 > 0:27:36LAUGHTER
0:27:36 > 0:27:38So there he is with Steve who seems,
0:27:38 > 0:27:41I think, almost too relaxed about the situation.
0:27:41 > 0:27:45I think Steve obviously knew he was going to be on camera...
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Apart from...
0:27:47 > 0:27:50It looks like he's been rehearsing this...
0:27:52 > 0:27:55I think earlier today Steve was lying in front of the mirror
0:27:55 > 0:27:56working out his sexiest pose.
0:27:58 > 0:28:02I'm not sure he had enough time to nail it.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04LAUGHTER
0:28:04 > 0:28:06I mean, that is not a natural...
0:28:08 > 0:28:10OK, it's obvious who's in on it and that's Steve,
0:28:10 > 0:28:12the creepy-sitting guy on the left.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14LAUGHTER
0:28:14 > 0:28:16Oh, he seems to be laughing at my joke!
0:28:16 > 0:28:18Wait a minute.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21HE LAUGHS
0:28:21 > 0:28:22I'm on fire tonight.
0:28:24 > 0:28:25He can't hear me.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28No, Adam is obviously reading something hilarious.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31OK, so very soon Adam will walk down this corridor. He's no
0:28:31 > 0:28:36idea it's a fake corridor and what lies on the other side of the door.
0:28:36 > 0:28:37So let's go and have a look,
0:28:37 > 0:28:40there are cameras that should pick me up inside it.
0:28:40 > 0:28:44I can't tell you how, how authentic this looks.
0:28:45 > 0:28:49So here I am inside the corridor and...
0:28:52 > 0:28:55LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:28:55 > 0:28:57Good, all right. So here we go.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00You can't see a lot of it, but I can tell you that it's very much
0:29:00 > 0:29:05in keeping with the rest of the theatre backstage, filthy.
0:29:05 > 0:29:07LAUGHTER
0:29:07 > 0:29:10So that comes through here and then this door will be shut,
0:29:10 > 0:29:12there's another camera here...
0:29:14 > 0:29:16It's like an intercom, isn't it?
0:29:16 > 0:29:19It's me, darling, hello. Hello, sorry I'm late.
0:29:19 > 0:29:21HE LAUGHS
0:29:21 > 0:29:24Although sometimes you don't see the whole of someone's head. Who is it?
0:29:26 > 0:29:27I've got a delivery.
0:29:27 > 0:29:29HE LAUGHS
0:29:29 > 0:29:31So let's do it.
0:29:31 > 0:29:35I think this is one of the most exciting things I've ever done.
0:29:35 > 0:29:38OK, so let's get him up, he thinks he's going to come here to fix
0:29:38 > 0:29:40an electrical fault on the other side of the door.
0:29:40 > 0:29:41Let's bring him up, shh!
0:29:41 > 0:29:45- Hello again, sorry forgot to get you to sign in, do you mind signing in?- Not at all.
0:29:45 > 0:29:48Actually, do you mind coming with me and having a look at that fault?
0:29:48 > 0:29:49Do you mind, just have a quick look?
0:29:49 > 0:29:51- Take that with you.- OK.
0:29:51 > 0:29:55- Does it make all sense, yeah? - Yeah.- It does, I'm just having a little read through.
0:29:55 > 0:29:57I'll leave that with you, I'll come back for you in a minute.
0:29:57 > 0:29:59- Yeah, no problems. - I'll just show you ahead.
0:29:59 > 0:30:01I haven't got many tools with me.
0:30:01 > 0:30:03It's OK, I don't think it needs a lot, I think it's quite easy.
0:30:03 > 0:30:05So where did you come from?
0:30:05 > 0:30:07AUDIENCE LAUGH
0:30:07 > 0:30:10..Oh, right so you've come a bit of a distance, haven't you?
0:30:10 > 0:30:12Yeah, it's not too bad, it's like...
0:30:12 > 0:30:15Yeah, yeah. And traffic was good?
0:30:15 > 0:30:18Yeah, Sunday, glorious, we try and work on weekends...
0:30:18 > 0:30:20Actually, I'm just going to get your mate,
0:30:20 > 0:30:22if you just follow these signs, see that three and four?
0:30:22 > 0:30:25- Go to dressing room four and I'll meet you there.- OK.
0:30:25 > 0:30:26I'll only be a couple of minutes.
0:30:26 > 0:30:28- Yeah.- Is that all right?
0:30:28 > 0:30:30- Yeah, cool.- Back in a minute.
0:30:36 > 0:30:39AUDIENCE SCREAMS AND CHEERS
0:30:55 > 0:30:57There he is!
0:30:59 > 0:31:01It's Heapy!
0:31:01 > 0:31:03Adam Heapy's here!
0:31:04 > 0:31:06Oh, I haven't even done my hair!
0:31:08 > 0:31:11Oh, you're Adam. Welcome, welcome to my show.
0:31:11 > 0:31:13I feel like I need to move this.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16No, no, it's OK. Keep the tools.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18How are you doing, Adam?
0:31:18 > 0:31:20- Not bad. - How are you feeling right now?
0:31:20 > 0:31:22- Bit shocked, a bit shocked.- Yeah...
0:31:22 > 0:31:24Where is the...where is the fault anyway?
0:31:24 > 0:31:27- No, the lights seem to be working. - God, I'm happy.
0:31:27 > 0:31:30Um, so you may have spotted, you've got Team Heapy over here,
0:31:30 > 0:31:34There they are. Friends and family and of course your lovely wife Emma.
0:31:34 > 0:31:36Well done.
0:31:36 > 0:31:38Who... Who has actually, set you up
0:31:38 > 0:31:41and of course Sexy Steve is also,
0:31:41 > 0:31:43in on it, there he is.
0:31:43 > 0:31:47LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:31:50 > 0:31:53- OK, so you are hopefully... - Right.
0:31:53 > 0:31:56..with your consent! Going to be something called the unexpected
0:31:56 > 0:32:00star of our show because I understand that as well as being an
0:32:00 > 0:32:03electrician you have a passion for something else,
0:32:03 > 0:32:05- what might that be? - Erm, a bit of singing.
0:32:05 > 0:32:08- You like to sing, don't you, Adam? - I like a sing song, yeah.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10And have you ever performed in public before singing?
0:32:10 > 0:32:13Erm, in front of Mum and Dad once upon a time.
0:32:13 > 0:32:15Right, so that's an audience of two?
0:32:15 > 0:32:18- Pretty big audience. - That's amazing.
0:32:18 > 0:32:20So beyond that, do you fancy yourself as maybe
0:32:20 > 0:32:22performing in front of an audience?
0:32:22 > 0:32:23Yeah.
0:32:23 > 0:32:24Go on!
0:32:24 > 0:32:27CHEERING
0:32:27 > 0:32:29Well, I just happen to have one here!
0:32:29 > 0:32:32So we'll send you backstage and you have until the end of the show.
0:32:32 > 0:32:36We've got a team of people who are going to help you rehearse and get ready for this performance.
0:32:36 > 0:32:38We are so rooting for you, aren't we?
0:32:38 > 0:32:40CHEERING
0:32:40 > 0:32:44Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for Adam,
0:32:44 > 0:32:46our Unexpected Star of the show!
0:32:48 > 0:32:50Grab your tools, this way.
0:32:50 > 0:32:52HE LAUGHS
0:32:52 > 0:32:54There you go. Adam, ladies and gentlemen.
0:32:56 > 0:32:59All right. Ladies and gentlemen,
0:32:59 > 0:33:03when I found out I was going to be making this show my next guest was
0:33:03 > 0:33:05one of the first names I wanted to perform.
0:33:05 > 0:33:08He's a comedian rightly becoming a huge star,
0:33:08 > 0:33:11I absolutely love this man and you will too,
0:33:11 > 0:33:12please welcome the fabulous...
0:33:12 > 0:33:15Romesh Ranganathan's here, go on, Rom.
0:33:28 > 0:33:31Hello.
0:33:31 > 0:33:32AUDIENCE: Hello!
0:33:32 > 0:33:34Thank you, correct response.
0:33:34 > 0:33:37Erm, I'm very excited to be here, a little bit underdressed,
0:33:37 > 0:33:41but you know, I'm here for the talent, mate, not the looks.
0:33:42 > 0:33:45I am currently having some issues with my wife, to be honest with you.
0:33:45 > 0:33:47I mean, I love her very much,
0:33:47 > 0:33:50but we're having an argument because I don't want to
0:33:50 > 0:33:53take our kids swimming and I don't know if that's a problem for anyone
0:33:53 > 0:33:56else. It's not because I don't want to take them swimming, it's because
0:33:56 > 0:34:00I don't want to take my top off in public, do you know what I mean?
0:34:00 > 0:34:03I've got... my torso is rank - I think it's fair to say.
0:34:05 > 0:34:07I said to my wife, "I do not want to take these kids swimming,
0:34:07 > 0:34:10"I don't want to take my top off," you know what she said to me?
0:34:10 > 0:34:12"Just wear a T-shirt."
0:34:13 > 0:34:15Oh, yeah, that'll distract any attention, won't it?
0:34:15 > 0:34:20One moron in the corner of the pool, wet T-shirt clinging to his torso...
0:34:23 > 0:34:26"Just find this helps me glide through the water, yeah."
0:34:28 > 0:34:31Unbelievable. My mum's always having a go at me about it,
0:34:31 > 0:34:33"You're fatty fatty!" Right, and...
0:34:36 > 0:34:38Horrible, this woman. I said to her, "I've lost some weight"
0:34:38 > 0:34:41and she goes to me, "Yes, but turn to the side...."
0:34:42 > 0:34:44"Disgusting!" Right?
0:34:46 > 0:34:48I've got a hang up about it. I think
0:34:48 > 0:34:52sort of my level of unattractiveness and my putting on weight is
0:34:52 > 0:34:54one of the main reasons I've never cheated on my wife.
0:34:58 > 0:35:00It's not the number one reason, the number one reason is
0:35:00 > 0:35:04because I love her very much but a close second...
0:35:04 > 0:35:06is lack of opportunity.
0:35:10 > 0:35:13I've got three children, erm, massively regret it... I...
0:35:13 > 0:35:15But what can you do?
0:35:15 > 0:35:19You've just got to go, "I'm never going to be happy now, just..."
0:35:21 > 0:35:24My wife looks after our three children, that's her main job,
0:35:24 > 0:35:26that's what she does and it's 2016
0:35:26 > 0:35:30but my wife still feels like she's got to justify herself to me.
0:35:30 > 0:35:35I don't understand why, I know how difficult it is to look after those children.
0:35:35 > 0:35:40I spent two hours with them when she went out shopping once, right?
0:35:40 > 0:35:44It was like a triple-pronged attack on my sanity, all right?
0:35:44 > 0:35:47It's like they planned it, it was like one of them went,
0:35:47 > 0:35:49"OK, you go over there and take a poo in that corner,
0:35:49 > 0:35:52"you take a wee in that corner and I'm just going to get
0:35:52 > 0:35:53"butt-naked for no reason."
0:35:56 > 0:35:58I go to the cinema a lot, I go to the cinema,
0:35:58 > 0:36:01I go to the cinema on my own, but I think popcorn's a rip off, right?
0:36:01 > 0:36:04It's not just the fact that it's expensive,
0:36:04 > 0:36:08it's the fact that they price it incrementally in a way that
0:36:08 > 0:36:11you are forced to buy more of it than you'd ever want or need, right?
0:36:11 > 0:36:13And they treat it like rubbish.
0:36:13 > 0:36:16They don't care about it until it comes to you paying for it.
0:36:16 > 0:36:17You go up to the counter,
0:36:17 > 0:36:19and I'll say, "I'll have a... I'll have a medium popcorn,
0:36:19 > 0:36:21"I'll have one of those little boxes, there."
0:36:21 > 0:36:25And they go, "Certainly, sir, that will be £5.80."
0:36:26 > 0:36:28£5.80?
0:36:28 > 0:36:30"It's all over the floor, mate, right?"
0:36:34 > 0:36:37"You're wiping your forehead with it as you serve me.
0:36:37 > 0:36:40"I just saw you fill the cabinet with it from your trousers, right?
0:36:40 > 0:36:43"There's wheelbarrows full of it all around us.
0:36:43 > 0:36:47"The foyer is made of it and you're telling me it's £5.80?"
0:36:47 > 0:36:48"Well, yes, it is, sir,
0:36:48 > 0:36:52"but, for an extra 20p...
0:36:52 > 0:36:56"you can have ten times the amount of popcorn."
0:36:56 > 0:36:59"How am I buying medium, then, mate? There's absolutely no way.
0:36:59 > 0:37:01"I'm locked in. I can't buy medium now.
0:37:01 > 0:37:03"I'm strapped in, mate, give me the rucksack."
0:37:03 > 0:37:08There's no way I can buy medium now cos I don't want to be
0:37:08 > 0:37:10that idiot that walks into the theatre with a medium
0:37:10 > 0:37:13and everyone else is going "Oh, my God, look at this moron.
0:37:13 > 0:37:15"He got the medium. It's only 20p more, idiot.
0:37:15 > 0:37:19"I'm swimming through popcorn like Scrooge McDuck, over here."
0:37:22 > 0:37:25CHEERING
0:37:27 > 0:37:28Oh.
0:37:28 > 0:37:32I went to Sri Lanka to try and get in touch with my culture, right?
0:37:32 > 0:37:34And the problem that I've got, which is...
0:37:34 > 0:37:36I can't speak the language, right?
0:37:36 > 0:37:39But I look like I definitely should be able to, right?
0:37:39 > 0:37:42So I'd walk through the streets of Sri Lanka and someone would
0:37:42 > 0:37:45- come up to me and go... - HE IMITATES SRI LANKAN LANGUAGE
0:37:45 > 0:37:48And I'll say, "I'm really sorry, mate, I barely understand Geordie."
0:37:48 > 0:37:49I mean, there's...
0:37:53 > 0:37:55One of my uncles introduced me to his wife.
0:37:55 > 0:37:57He brought over, sort of, this slightly portly woman,
0:37:57 > 0:37:59and he said to me, "Romesh, this is my wife."
0:37:59 > 0:38:01I said, "Sweet."
0:38:01 > 0:38:03And then he went..."Fat, no?"
0:38:05 > 0:38:06And then I looked at his wife,
0:38:06 > 0:38:09and she's going, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat."
0:38:09 > 0:38:11And then I realised my mum's not horrible -
0:38:11 > 0:38:13they're all horrible, mate.
0:38:13 > 0:38:14That's just... That's how it is.
0:38:14 > 0:38:16Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much.
0:38:16 > 0:38:17You've been absolutely amazing.
0:38:17 > 0:38:19I've been Romesh Ranganathan, goodnight!
0:38:19 > 0:38:22CHEERING AND WHISTLING Romesh Ranganathan! Rom!
0:38:22 > 0:38:24Come on, Rom!
0:38:24 > 0:38:27Amazing. Thank you so much. Incredible.
0:38:27 > 0:38:31Ladies and gentlemen, the fantastic Romesh Ranganathan.
0:38:31 > 0:38:33You do, Rom-Rom! We love Rom!
0:38:37 > 0:38:41So, let's see how our unexpected star is getting on.
0:38:41 > 0:38:44The word is quite positive.
0:38:44 > 0:38:47He's not freaking out and he will be here very shortly
0:38:47 > 0:38:51with his performance as our Unexpected Star of the show!
0:38:51 > 0:38:55CHEERING Go on, Adam.
0:38:55 > 0:38:58OK, Peter. LAUGHTER
0:38:58 > 0:39:01It is time, ladies and gentlemen, to find out
0:39:01 > 0:39:06what texts Peter has received as tonight's excellent sport
0:39:06 > 0:39:08in our Send To All box.
0:39:08 > 0:39:09Ladies and gentlemen, Peter Jones.
0:39:09 > 0:39:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:39:12 > 0:39:17OK, earlier on, I sent the following text...
0:39:30 > 0:39:33"Kiss,
0:39:33 > 0:39:36"C." LAUGHTER
0:39:36 > 0:39:39Well, Peter let's have a look at what's gone on here.
0:39:39 > 0:39:42So, I don't know, let's just start at the top. Erm...
0:39:42 > 0:39:44Richard Griffin.
0:39:44 > 0:39:45That's just a friend.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47Just a friend. Oh, he's really sweet.
0:39:47 > 0:39:52This guy just says, "Go to sleep and give it to charity in the morning."
0:39:52 > 0:39:56APPLAUSE Oh, that's brilliant.
0:39:56 > 0:39:58OK, erm, Andy Mudge?
0:39:58 > 0:40:01- Another friend.- Another friend, OK. - I've known him since I was...
0:40:01 > 0:40:03"Sounds good. Not sure if this message is meant for us,
0:40:03 > 0:40:05"please confirm."
0:40:11 > 0:40:13Nobody wants any money so far -
0:40:13 > 0:40:15- this is good news for you, Peter. - This is very good news.- Erm...
0:40:15 > 0:40:17Rob Williams.
0:40:17 > 0:40:18Oh, my God, it's Robbie Williams.
0:40:18 > 0:40:20- Is that Robbie Williams? - Robbie, yeah.
0:40:20 > 0:40:24OK, well, he's gone, "Please stop drunk-texting me.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27"I love you, mate, but it's getting embarrassing. RW."
0:40:31 > 0:40:33Oh, come on!
0:40:34 > 0:40:37Jonathan Ross has come in, ladies and gentlemen.
0:40:37 > 0:40:40"Ha-ha. Congrats. My dog needs new glasses."
0:40:42 > 0:40:45Yeah, I love the way the comedians are getting in there.
0:40:48 > 0:40:50Oh, my God,
0:40:50 > 0:40:53who is the biggest celebrity of them all?
0:40:53 > 0:40:54It's David Beckham.
0:40:54 > 0:40:57- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:40:57 > 0:40:59Oh, my, God, I didn't know you were friends with David Beckham.
0:40:59 > 0:41:02- I'm worried, now, what he's put. - LAUGHTER
0:41:02 > 0:41:04You're friends with David Beckham?
0:41:04 > 0:41:07Well, I wouldn't call it friends. I know him - we know each other.
0:41:07 > 0:41:09- How long have you known him? - About ten years.
0:41:09 > 0:41:12Ten years? And you've got each other's numbers? It's amazing.
0:41:12 > 0:41:14Well, he's gone, "Who's this?"
0:41:14 > 0:41:16LAUGHTER
0:41:16 > 0:41:19APPLAUSE
0:41:21 > 0:41:23Erm, OK, Alan Shearer.
0:41:23 > 0:41:27"Well, I've kept our little secret quiet for a long time now.
0:41:27 > 0:41:29"How about we make it 20K?"
0:41:29 > 0:41:31- That's...- Oh. - LAUGHTER
0:41:31 > 0:41:34That's from Alan Shearer, ladies and gentlemen.
0:41:34 > 0:41:37- This text is gold!- No... - WOLF-WHISTLING AND APPLAUSE
0:41:38 > 0:41:42Oh, fellow Dragon Deborah Meaden, ladies and gentlemen,
0:41:42 > 0:41:44- Deborah Meaden. AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:41:44 > 0:41:45"This can't be you.
0:41:45 > 0:41:48"Someone must have got a hold of your phone, you are..."
0:41:48 > 0:41:50MICHAEL LAUGHS
0:41:50 > 0:41:52"You are... You are far too tight to give..."
0:41:54 > 0:41:56This is brilliant.
0:41:56 > 0:42:00"You are far too tight to give up any of your profit - I should know.
0:42:00 > 0:42:03"Double kiss."
0:42:03 > 0:42:05Ladies and gentlemen, what a fantastic sport,
0:42:05 > 0:42:07the legendary Peter Jones. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:07 > 0:42:10- Brilliant.- Thank you. Thank you, Michael.- Are you OK, Mum and Dad?
0:42:10 > 0:42:12- Yeah.- Yes.- Oh, well done.
0:42:12 > 0:42:14Thank you very much.
0:42:14 > 0:42:17Oh...
0:42:17 > 0:42:20Ladies and gentlemen, it's the moment we've all been waiting for.
0:42:20 > 0:42:23It has arrived. CHEERING
0:42:23 > 0:42:26Yes, it's time for a very special performance from
0:42:26 > 0:42:28our Unexpected Star of the show!
0:42:28 > 0:42:31CHEERING
0:42:31 > 0:42:34Earlier tonight, we asked an electrician called Adam
0:42:34 > 0:42:37to come to the theatre and fix a simple electrical fault,
0:42:37 > 0:42:40but there was no fault at all - we just wanted to give Adam
0:42:40 > 0:42:42the surprise of his life, and we did that,
0:42:42 > 0:42:44because tonight on the Big Show... CHEERING
0:42:44 > 0:42:49..we're giving him the chance to fulfil his dream of being a singer.
0:42:49 > 0:42:53He's had barely any time to rehearse but now the time has come.
0:42:53 > 0:42:56CHEERING
0:43:00 > 0:43:04Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest has sold no records worldwide.
0:43:06 > 0:43:09He hasn't had a number one in any country
0:43:09 > 0:43:13but he has had several number twos in the last half hour.
0:43:18 > 0:43:22Performing James Morrison's You Give Me Something,
0:43:22 > 0:43:25it's our Unexpected Star of the show.
0:43:25 > 0:43:31Go wild, ladies and gentlemen, for the singing electrician Adam Heapy!
0:43:31 > 0:43:34CHEERING
0:43:34 > 0:43:37MUSIC: You Give Me Something by James Morrison
0:43:43 > 0:43:47# You only stay with me in the morning... #
0:43:47 > 0:43:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:49 > 0:43:53# You only hold me when I sleep
0:43:54 > 0:43:58# And I was meant to tread the water
0:43:58 > 0:43:59# Oh
0:43:59 > 0:44:03# But now I've gotten in too deep... #
0:44:03 > 0:44:05CHEERING
0:44:05 > 0:44:09# For every piece of me that wants you...
0:44:09 > 0:44:11# Oh... # THE AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG
0:44:11 > 0:44:15# Another piece pops away
0:44:15 > 0:44:16# Well
0:44:16 > 0:44:20# You give me something
0:44:20 > 0:44:22# That makes me scared, all right
0:44:22 > 0:44:25# This could be nothing
0:44:25 > 0:44:28# But I'm willing to give it a try
0:44:28 > 0:44:31# Please give me something
0:44:31 > 0:44:37# Because someday I might know my heart... #
0:44:37 > 0:44:39CHEERING
0:44:39 > 0:44:42# You only waited up for hours... #
0:44:42 > 0:44:44WOLF-WHISTLING
0:44:44 > 0:44:48# Just to spend a little time alone with me
0:44:50 > 0:44:55# I said I never bought you flowers
0:44:55 > 0:44:56# Oh
0:44:56 > 0:44:59# Cos I can't work out what they mean... #
0:44:59 > 0:45:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:45:01 > 0:45:06# I never thought that I'd love someone
0:45:06 > 0:45:07# Oh, no
0:45:07 > 0:45:11# That was someone else's dream
0:45:11 > 0:45:12# Well
0:45:12 > 0:45:16# You give me something
0:45:16 > 0:45:18# That makes me scared, all right
0:45:18 > 0:45:22# This could be nothing
0:45:22 > 0:45:24# But I'm willing to give it a try
0:45:24 > 0:45:27# Please give me something
0:45:27 > 0:45:30# Cos someday I might
0:45:30 > 0:45:33- # Please give me something - Something
0:45:33 > 0:45:35# That makes me scared, all right
0:45:35 > 0:45:38- # This could be nothing - This could be nothing
0:45:38 > 0:45:41# But I'm willing to give it a try
0:45:41 > 0:45:44- # Please give me something - Please give me something
0:45:44 > 0:45:50- # Cos someday I might know my heart - Know my heart... #
0:45:50 > 0:45:52CHEERING
0:45:52 > 0:45:55# Oh, my heart Know my heart
0:45:55 > 0:45:57# Know my heart. #
0:45:57 > 0:46:05CHEERING AND WHISTLING
0:46:07 > 0:46:13CHEERING CONTINUES
0:46:13 > 0:46:15Thank you, that was amazing.
0:46:17 > 0:46:20Absolutely fantastic. A few... MICHAEL LAUGHS
0:46:20 > 0:46:22Congratulations. Did you enjoy that?
0:46:22 > 0:46:25- That was unbelievable.- Oh, that was amazing.- That was fantastic.
0:46:25 > 0:46:28And what an amazingly appreciative audience. Fantastic.
0:46:28 > 0:46:30And the fantastic James Morrison creeping up!
0:46:30 > 0:46:33CHEERING
0:46:33 > 0:46:36Obviously not a fan of other people singing his songs.
0:46:36 > 0:46:38"What's going on here?"
0:46:39 > 0:46:44Erm, OK, so, erm, how's it been?
0:46:44 > 0:46:46How's the whole experience been for you?
0:46:46 > 0:46:48- Blown away.- Yeah?
0:46:48 > 0:46:50Erm, it was just fantastic, start to finish.
0:46:50 > 0:46:53- And you had absolutely no idea. - No idea at all.
0:46:53 > 0:46:55What's these clothes? Are these your clothes?
0:46:55 > 0:46:57I'm coming home with them - they're free.
0:46:57 > 0:47:00I've had a touch. I love the shoes.
0:47:00 > 0:47:03They look really good on you. They suit you.
0:47:03 > 0:47:06A little bit of suede, why not?
0:47:06 > 0:47:08Please thank, one more time, Adam Heapy,
0:47:08 > 0:47:11who lost a massive electrical contract tonight, don't forget.
0:47:11 > 0:47:13- Gutted(!) - He thought he was going to be in,
0:47:13 > 0:47:16and he's set for the year at the theatres in London,
0:47:16 > 0:47:18but we've fulfilled his dream instead.
0:47:18 > 0:47:20One more time for the fantastic Adam Heapy
0:47:20 > 0:47:22and, of course, James Morrison,
0:47:22 > 0:47:24a huge thank you as well. CHEERING
0:47:24 > 0:47:27Thank you so much, guys. Brilliant. See you in a bit.
0:47:27 > 0:47:29Go on, Heapy!
0:47:29 > 0:47:34MUSIC: You Give Me Something by James Morrison
0:47:34 > 0:47:35Join me next week,
0:47:35 > 0:47:38where somebody else will be given the surprise of their life
0:47:38 > 0:47:41and become the Unexpected Star of the show.
0:47:41 > 0:47:43Another celebrity, of course, will be playing Send To All
0:47:43 > 0:47:45in our Send To All box,
0:47:45 > 0:47:47but we've still got time for one more performance.
0:47:47 > 0:47:50You've already heard him tonight performing with our Unexpected Star
0:47:50 > 0:47:52and now, playing us out with his new single,
0:47:52 > 0:47:57I Need You Tonight, please welcome the phenomenal Mr James Morrison!
0:47:57 > 0:47:59CHEERING
0:48:00 > 0:48:04MUSIC: Need You Tonight by James Morrison
0:48:04 > 0:48:07# Need you tonight Need you, need you tonight
0:48:07 > 0:48:11- # Yeah, I need you tonight, yeah - All right
0:48:11 > 0:48:15# Oh, I tell myself that I can be the stronger man
0:48:15 > 0:48:19# That I know I can be
0:48:19 > 0:48:23# But I can't help feel the burden of my weakness
0:48:23 > 0:48:27# When you're away from me
0:48:27 > 0:48:30- # Falling down - Falling down
0:48:30 > 0:48:31# It's easy
0:48:31 > 0:48:34# Falling down
0:48:36 > 0:48:38# I know I've got to carry on
0:48:38 > 0:48:42# But it's so hard to wait so long for you
0:48:42 > 0:48:47# And I need you tonight
0:48:47 > 0:48:51# I need you to come on and save my life
0:48:51 > 0:48:55# I'm trying to hold on
0:48:55 > 0:48:59# I kill every second since you've been gone
0:48:59 > 0:49:00# Oh
0:49:00 > 0:49:02# Stuck here in darkness
0:49:02 > 0:49:04# Hole where my heart is
0:49:04 > 0:49:07# Without you, I can't make it right
0:49:07 > 0:49:11# I need you tonight
0:49:11 > 0:49:15# Yes, I do
0:49:16 > 0:49:20# Well, I'm staring at the bottom of another glass
0:49:20 > 0:49:24# I'm feeling empty now
0:49:24 > 0:49:27# I close my eyes and think of you
0:49:27 > 0:49:32# It's all that I can do to fill the space somehow
0:49:32 > 0:49:35- # I'm calling out - Calling out
0:49:35 > 0:49:41# Can you hear me calling out to you?
0:49:41 > 0:49:42# And I'm cold and shaking, baby
0:49:42 > 0:49:48# Come and take me from this hell that I've been living through
0:49:48 > 0:49:52# And I need you tonight
0:49:52 > 0:49:56# I need you to come on and save my life
0:49:56 > 0:50:00# I'm trying to hold on
0:50:00 > 0:50:04# I kill every second since you've been gone,
0:50:04 > 0:50:05# Oh
0:50:05 > 0:50:07# Stuck here in darkness
0:50:07 > 0:50:09# Hole where my heart is
0:50:09 > 0:50:12# Without you, I can't make it right
0:50:12 > 0:50:16# I need you tonight
0:50:16 > 0:50:20# Yes, I do
0:50:21 > 0:50:25# Need you tonight
0:50:25 > 0:50:29# I need you to come on and save my life
0:50:29 > 0:50:30# Oh
0:50:30 > 0:50:32# Stuck here in darkness
0:50:32 > 0:50:34# Hole where my heart is
0:50:34 > 0:50:37# Without you, I can't make it right
0:50:37 > 0:50:41# And I need you tonight
0:50:41 > 0:50:44# Yes, I do
0:50:44 > 0:50:45# Come on, sing it
0:50:45 > 0:50:47# Oh, I need you tonight
0:50:47 > 0:50:49# Need you, need you tonight
0:50:49 > 0:50:51# Yeah, I need you tonight
0:50:51 > 0:50:54# Yeah
0:50:54 > 0:50:56# Oh, I need you tonight
0:50:56 > 0:50:58# Need you, need you tonight
0:50:58 > 0:51:00# Yeah, I need you tonight
0:51:00 > 0:51:03# Need you, need you tonight. #
0:51:03 > 0:51:05CHEERING
0:51:05 > 0:51:07Thank you very much.