0:00:11 > 0:00:13Tonight on my Big Show,
0:00:13 > 0:00:16Danny Dyer hands over his blower in Send To All.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20There's a surprise visit from Gary Barlow.
0:00:20 > 0:00:26Comedy from Russell Kane and music from chart sensations Clean Bandit.
0:00:26 > 0:00:30And who will be tonight's unexpected star of the show?
0:00:34 > 0:00:38Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Big Show.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Please welcome your host, Michael McIntyre!
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Hey-hey! Woohoo!
0:00:59 > 0:01:02APPLAUSE
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Well, hello, good evening.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08That's very kind. Yay!
0:01:08 > 0:01:13And welcome to my Big Show!
0:01:13 > 0:01:15CHEERING
0:01:18 > 0:01:22We're going to have, of course, big stars, big laughs,
0:01:22 > 0:01:26and even bigger surprises!
0:01:28 > 0:01:31We will be playing my favourite game in the whole wide world,
0:01:31 > 0:01:34which would be Send To All, ladies and gentlemen, it's a good one.
0:01:36 > 0:01:41And of course we'll be surprising another Unexpected Star Of The Show!
0:01:46 > 0:01:47So thank you for coming here.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Thank you for... Thank you for spending a little bit of time
0:01:50 > 0:01:51away from your mobile phones,
0:01:51 > 0:01:54because I know it's a little tense in the modern world.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55I don't know what happens to chargers.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Everybody gets a charger with their phone.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Why do households always end up with one charger in the kitchen?
0:02:00 > 0:02:02That everybody fights and steals?
0:02:02 > 0:02:04There's no love in homes any more.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07People will steal power now!
0:02:07 > 0:02:10You put your phone on charge and leave it for a period of time,
0:02:10 > 0:02:15you come back after a few hours, expecting it to be on 80, 90, 100%.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Your phone is just next to the charger
0:02:17 > 0:02:21and somebody else in the house is on the charger.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23And they defend it.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25All about the battery life.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28"You've stolen. Why did you take my phone off the charger?"
0:02:28 > 0:02:31"You were on 62! And I was only on 14."
0:02:33 > 0:02:35I don't remember announcing to the house,
0:02:35 > 0:02:37"Guys, keep an eye on my phone.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40"Soon as I hit 62, that's enough for me, that's going to be enough for me."
0:02:42 > 0:02:44People cannot cope. When your phone runs out of battery,
0:02:44 > 0:02:46it's like your life is over. "How am I going to live?
0:02:46 > 0:02:48"How am I going to live, I've got no power.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50"My phone's dead. My phone's dead."
0:02:50 > 0:02:52You suddenly miss all these things.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54"I can't look up on Google.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55"I can't look at photos.
0:02:55 > 0:02:56"I can't receive calls.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58"I don't know what I'm going to do.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01"The maps, I might need the maps. "I don't know what to do."
0:03:01 > 0:03:02But it wasn't so long ago, OK,
0:03:02 > 0:03:04many people in this room will remember this,
0:03:04 > 0:03:07that we used to not have mobile phones.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10And it wasn't such a panic when we left the house.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12We didn't used to leave the house and go,
0:03:12 > 0:03:15"Oh, I don't think I can leave all this stuff behind, I might need it.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18"Can you open the boot? I'm going to need to bring all my encyclopaedias,
0:03:18 > 0:03:21"I might need to look something up.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23"I am going to bring some board games, is that all right?
0:03:23 > 0:03:26"I'm going to take some board games.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30"Every photograph I've ever taken, I'm going to take all of those.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33"My A to Z, my Ordnance Survey map,
0:03:33 > 0:03:36"all my record collection, my entire...
0:03:36 > 0:03:38"I'll need the back seat as well.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42"All right, I'll take that compass, oh, and the torch.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45"That's fine. I'm coming out."
0:03:45 > 0:03:48We don't need those things!
0:03:51 > 0:03:55OK, ladies and gentlemen, who wants to play Send To All?
0:04:00 > 0:04:06Let's find out who is in our Send To All box this week.
0:04:06 > 0:04:11Ladies and gentlemen, it's the first time that the Big Show
0:04:11 > 0:04:14has had genuine royalty in the royal box.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Please welcome...
0:04:23 > 0:04:26FANFARE
0:04:27 > 0:04:33It's Edward III's great, great, great, great, great, great, great
0:04:33 > 0:04:37great, great, great, great, great, great, great,
0:04:37 > 0:04:41great, great, great, great, great,
0:04:41 > 0:04:43great grandson, Danny Dyer!
0:04:43 > 0:04:47APPLAUSE
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Go on, Danny!
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Lap it up!
0:04:53 > 0:04:56The big man's in town.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58How does it feel, Danny?
0:04:58 > 0:05:01- Good.- Feel all right up there? - Finally in the old royal box.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Suits you, mate.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07Your Highness, who have you brought with you tonight to join you?
0:05:07 > 0:05:08My mother, Christine.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Come on, Christine. Welcome, Christine.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12My daughter, Dani.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Dani Dyer Junior! Hello, darling!
0:05:16 > 0:05:20Hold up, hold up. Charlotte, ladies and gentlemen.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22It's the Dyers, ladies and gentlemen!
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Danny, how are you?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28- How's it all going?- Well, sir. Yeah, lovely.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31So, this royal thing, how's that been?
0:05:31 > 0:05:34People are struggling with it, I get the odd curtsy now and again.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39But I am royalty, I am 197th to the throne, so, you know,
0:05:39 > 0:05:42if there was a bit of an accident in Westminster Abbey,
0:05:42 > 0:05:43then I would be king.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- Right.- I think if Donald Trump can be president, why can't I be king?
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Let's be fair.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51CHEERING
0:05:54 > 0:05:55How's EastEnders, Danny?
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- How's that going?- Yeah, it's going really well.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00We're just filming some depressing stuff at the moment.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Oh. That's EastEnders, though.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04That's EastEnders, though. Yeah, no, it's all going very well,
0:06:04 > 0:06:06you know, I love it there, I love running the Vic.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Well, we love you in it and we love that you're here
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- and putting yourself up for this. - Thank you.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14How do you feel about the prospect of handing over
0:06:14 > 0:06:16your mobile phone tonight, Danny?
0:06:16 > 0:06:18It's a nutty old thing, innit, really?
0:06:20 > 0:06:22To just give some random geezer your phone.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23Well, excuse me.
0:06:26 > 0:06:27No, I don't know. I don't know, listen,
0:06:27 > 0:06:30I don't know what you're going to text, do I, for a start?
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- Yeah, that's true.- I don't know what mood they're all in.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Yeah. So, Danny, all I'd like you to do
0:06:35 > 0:06:39is to place your mobile phone into this contraption here,
0:06:39 > 0:06:40if you can reach.
0:06:40 > 0:06:41- Here we go.- Thanks very much.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43All right. This is...
0:06:43 > 0:06:44And then I'll just bring that down.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47# Roll out the barrel
0:06:47 > 0:06:50# We'll have a barrel of fun
0:06:50 > 0:06:54# Roll out the barrel
0:06:54 > 0:06:57# Let's have a song of good cheer
0:06:57 > 0:07:00# Now's the time to roll the barrel, one more
0:07:00 > 0:07:03# Cos the gang's all here! #
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Yay! Very good. Thank you, Danny.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10I've got your blower.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13OK, so I'm going to plug this in.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14Yes!
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Who is this lovely person?
0:07:18 > 0:07:21That's my little Sunnie, that's my middle child.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24So, what have we got here? There's a few apps knocking around here,
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Football Strike, a bit of Scrabble.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28How often are we playing Scrabble, Danny?
0:07:28 > 0:07:30I don't mind a little game of Scrabble now and again, yeah.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Do you play with yourself or...?
0:07:35 > 0:07:37- Do you play Scrabble with other...? - Now and again.- Is it pass and play?
0:07:37 > 0:07:39It depends, if I've got someone round,
0:07:39 > 0:07:41I'll have a little pass and play or...
0:07:41 > 0:07:42A bit of pass and play.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45You've got the ads on there, that's annoying, isn't it?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47- I don't know how to take them off. - You've got to pay for it, Danny.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49You've got to pay.
0:07:51 > 0:07:52Oh, yeah, a bit of Spotify.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Oh, these are... What?
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Foreigner? Oh, Foreigner, what was their great hit?
0:07:58 > 0:08:00- I want to...- I Want To Know What Love Is.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03I want you to show me.
0:08:03 > 0:08:08Danny, I'm a little bit confused about what's going on in the Dyer household here.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10APPLAUSE
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Photos maybe, a few photos in here.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Yeah, I've got a few smudges in there, yeah.
0:08:17 > 0:08:18There's some funny photos already.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20What's this?
0:08:20 > 0:08:22- What's this one, Danny? - I turned 40 this year
0:08:22 > 0:08:25and I thought I need to start growing up a little bit
0:08:25 > 0:08:27and so I thought I would get into gardening.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30I thought, I know what I'll do, I'll start pulling up some weeds,
0:08:30 > 0:08:31I don't know if they were weeds, right?
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Anyway, as I've bent down, that, right,
0:08:34 > 0:08:37done me right in the eyeball.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43I had to have time off work, I mean, I was bang in trouble.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Have you got a picture of it?
0:08:45 > 0:08:46Is it on the phone?
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- Yeah, look at the state of me. - Oh, right!
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Oh, that is so fun.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58So, this is the result of your attempt at gardening.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Terrible, terrible. I had to go to work and tell them.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02A week I was out of the game, Michael, a week!
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Were people in the week saying, "Oi, Danny, had a bit of a tear up?"
0:09:05 > 0:09:07And you're going, "No, I've taken up 'orticulture, mate."
0:09:09 > 0:09:11This looks like an amazing photo.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13What's that one about, Danny?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15I was getting followed around by some weird geezer with a camera
0:09:15 > 0:09:18so I thought if he followed me, I thought I'll follow him.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23That's a good idea. There you go.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25It's a reverse paparazzi shot.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29OK, I think a bit of drumming going on.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Yeah, the worst Christmas present I ever bought.
0:09:32 > 0:09:33It's annoying, isn't it?
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Noisy, very, very noisy.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38All right. I think it might be, it might be time...
0:09:38 > 0:09:40I made a little telly stand, didn't I?
0:09:40 > 0:09:42- I made it with my bare hands. - You built that?
0:09:42 > 0:09:44No, I got it out of IKEA, didn't I?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48It does look IKEA.
0:09:51 > 0:09:56OK, time to put the text into the telephone.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58So, what we're going to do for this text
0:09:58 > 0:10:01is we're actually going to send a photo with it,
0:10:01 > 0:10:03so in order to take this photo,
0:10:03 > 0:10:06we have a table that maybe we would find in your house.
0:10:06 > 0:10:11So, the photo is going to be of this, of this letter,
0:10:11 > 0:10:12ladies and gentlemen.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15So that photo, it's from Downing Street.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Take a picture of that. All right.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21So, that photo, it's from Downing Street, Danny.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23It says, "Dear Danny Dyer," yeah?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25"The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain
0:10:25 > 0:10:28"and Northern Ireland has asked me to inform you that she proposes
0:10:28 > 0:10:32"to submit your name to Her Majesty the Queen so that she may graciously
0:10:32 > 0:10:34"approve your appointment as a knight of the realm."
0:10:38 > 0:10:39Yeah, I love that all day long, go on.
0:10:39 > 0:10:44We're going to send that photo with this message.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48"This just came special delivery.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51"Arise SIR..."
0:10:51 > 0:10:52We'll go for capitals there.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56"..DANNY DYER.
0:10:56 > 0:11:01"This has totally done my nut."
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Put spun, spun me nut.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07This is... Yes! Thank you!
0:11:07 > 0:11:09I knew you would play ball.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12"This has totally spun me..."
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Yeah, like that, M-E?
0:11:14 > 0:11:16- Yeah, yeah, spun me nut, yeah. - Spun me nut.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19"It's an honour," yeah?
0:11:19 > 0:11:25I don't know if I'd use full stops, to be honest with you.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Yeah?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29All right, all right. I'm not proud of it.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32We're going to roll this into one sentence.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34"It's...an honour..."
0:11:34 > 0:11:36- Yeah?- Yeah, go on.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37"But will...
0:11:37 > 0:11:41"it damage...
0:11:41 > 0:11:42"my hard man image?"
0:11:44 > 0:11:46- Right?- Oh, dear.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Next one. "I trust your opinion, mate.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53"Shall I accept, or tell them...
0:11:53 > 0:11:55"to jog on?"
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Put "my love". "I trust your opinion, my love."
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Because I say that to geezers and birds, so...
0:12:03 > 0:12:04OK. "My love..."
0:12:04 > 0:12:07And put, instead of a kiss, the Hammers, in the emoji thing.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09- Oh, yeah?- There's two...
0:12:09 > 0:12:11- That's it, put the Hammers. - West Ham Hammers?
0:12:11 > 0:12:12- Oh, Hammers, all right. - There you go.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14All right, Danny - well, you've been so helpful,
0:12:14 > 0:12:17maybe I could ask you to read this, give it full Danny Dyer,
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- see how it sounds.- Right, this just came special delivery.
0:12:20 > 0:12:21Arise, Sir Danny Dyer.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23This has totally spun me nut, it's an honour,
0:12:23 > 0:12:25but will it damage my hard man image?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27I trust your opinion, my love.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Shall I accept, or should I tell them to jog on?
0:12:29 > 0:12:31That's good!
0:12:31 > 0:12:35It's a good one! And that's going with the letter.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Shall we send that, ladies and gentlemen?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39To everybody in Danny's phone!
0:12:39 > 0:12:41All right. That...
0:12:41 > 0:12:43has...
0:12:43 > 0:12:44Ooh...
0:12:44 > 0:12:46You can see it!
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Yay!
0:12:50 > 0:12:52All right, absolutely sensational!
0:12:52 > 0:12:56We will find out how people reply to this incredible news
0:12:56 > 0:12:57that Danny has received.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00One more time, you're absolutely amazing.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Thank you. Thank you so, so much for doing this.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Danny Dyer, ladies and gentlemen, what a legend!
0:13:05 > 0:13:08APPLAUSE
0:13:10 > 0:13:11Now, ladies and gentleman,
0:13:11 > 0:13:13it is time to find out who will be
0:13:13 > 0:13:15tonight's unexpected Star Of The Show!
0:13:21 > 0:13:22Every week on the Big Show,
0:13:22 > 0:13:25we surprise an ordinary member of the public
0:13:25 > 0:13:28with an extraordinary talent and give them the opportunity
0:13:28 > 0:13:31to perform right here on this very stage.
0:13:31 > 0:13:35So, let's meet tonight's Unexpected Star.
0:13:35 > 0:13:40This is the unbelievably adorable Anush.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42He's from Surrey.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45He is 11 years old, ladies and gentlemen.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48He's been nominated by his parents, and you're in the audience,
0:13:48 > 0:13:50and I'm going to come and have a chat.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52I'm coming in!
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Ladies and gentlemen, it's Anush's parents!
0:13:54 > 0:13:56APPLAUSE
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Now, how are you, how are you both, excited?
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Fantastic. I can't even speak, actually.
0:14:03 > 0:14:04- You can't speak.- I'm speechless.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Yesterday, you went out for a local Italian, didn't you?
0:14:07 > 0:14:09- That's right.- And what happened then?
0:14:09 > 0:14:13I think we went there, Michael was dressed as a waiter,
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Anush did not know about it at all.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17I was not Michael yesterday, was I, I was...?
0:14:17 > 0:14:19- No, Mario.- I was Mario.
0:14:19 > 0:14:20Yeah!
0:14:21 > 0:14:25- Yeah, you were Mario. - The restaurant was full of actors.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28- Yeah. Completely. - Everything was fake.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29- Except for Anush.- Yeah.
0:14:29 > 0:14:34Let's take a look at how that panned out for you guys and Anush.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36This was yesterday lunchtime.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40Calamari fritti. Yeah. That one...
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Yeah.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45And then the risotto, the seafood risotto.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55# When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
0:14:55 > 0:14:58# That's amore
0:14:58 > 0:15:01# Amore
0:15:01 > 0:15:04# When you walk in a dream
0:15:04 > 0:15:10# And you know you're not dreaming
0:15:10 > 0:15:16# That's amore! #
0:15:16 > 0:15:20APPLAUSE
0:15:22 > 0:15:24She's my sister.
0:15:34 > 0:15:39# When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
0:15:39 > 0:15:42# That's amore
0:15:43 > 0:15:47# When you walk in a dream
0:15:47 > 0:15:49# And you know you're still dreaming
0:15:49 > 0:15:54# Signore... #
0:15:57 > 0:15:58Will you marry me?
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Yes.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02CHEERING
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Bravo, bravo, bravo!
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Bravo, bravo, bravo! I'm sorry.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11Thank you! Champagne!
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Champagne! Champagne!
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Congratulations, thank you.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Twice!
0:16:26 > 0:16:30- With a banjo.- Zuppa for you. Zuppa.- Thank you.- Thank you.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34And very fresh calamari.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36- Thank you.- This was swimming late last night.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Now, please...
0:16:43 > 0:16:44Oh, my God!
0:16:46 > 0:16:49- Swimming...- Can I have some chickpeas?
0:16:51 > 0:16:52Oh, it looks disgusting.
0:16:52 > 0:16:53Oh, there's something inside.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- Oh, good...!- It's a watch!
0:16:59 > 0:17:03Massimo, my watch, what I...?
0:17:03 > 0:17:04Massimo.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06HE GASPS
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Oh! I so sorry!
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Oh, I sorry, it's, er...
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Cos I was... Oh, so sorry!
0:17:17 > 0:17:19I get you a...
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Please.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23It's my watch. Oh, no, this a Rolex.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Take it, take it, please, for...
0:17:29 > 0:17:32It's better. Thank you.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Sorry. I so...
0:17:34 > 0:17:35Sorry.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Oh, my God!
0:17:37 > 0:17:39I was going to eat it!
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Nice music, though.
0:18:17 > 0:18:18Stacey! Stacey Solomano!
0:18:18 > 0:18:19Oh!
0:18:19 > 0:18:21HE SCREAMS
0:18:21 > 0:18:22From the...
0:18:22 > 0:18:25The Queen of Jungle! X Factor!
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Loose Women, Loose Women! Loose Women, please.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Come in, favourite... Best table.
0:18:31 > 0:18:32No. No.
0:18:32 > 0:18:33This is best table. Move.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35It's for Stacey.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Please, it's OK. Buongiorno, please.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40It's OK. It's go...
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Oh! Massimo!
0:18:42 > 0:18:43Massimo, cheese.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Thank you. Please.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49- Thank you.- Menus.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Thank you. Thank you.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07Stacey.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11- Stacey.- Mm?- You want to see, er, some fun?
0:19:11 > 0:19:12- You want to see fun?- Yeah, OK.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14I practise this many times.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Just pull the...
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Oh, wow! Oh, wow!
0:19:18 > 0:19:21I try!
0:19:21 > 0:19:24And it's going to go very, very quick. You going to film it for me?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Brilliant. Only when hear it is...
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Sst.
0:19:28 > 0:19:29And everything will be here.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31OK? You ready for this?
0:19:36 > 0:19:37Massimo!
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Nothing to see here! Sorry.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Massimo... Please no filming!
0:19:45 > 0:19:46No!
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Please. Stacey, I sorry.
0:19:49 > 0:19:50- Please.- That was...- You promise, OK.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52- It was close!- It will come back.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54- Everything OK.- I hope so.
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Oh! Sorry.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Do you...? You know Stacey singer?
0:19:57 > 0:19:58- Yeah.- You like singing?
0:19:58 > 0:20:00- Yeah.- How much you like singing?
0:20:00 > 0:20:02A lot.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05You like to sing? You have a good voice, because I know this,
0:20:05 > 0:20:09- you know why?- Why?- Because Mama and Papa, they tell me this.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Because we are all here to surprise you.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Because of course I am not the worst waiter in the world.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18I'm going to peel my face off.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20- What?!- Whoa.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23This is very scary for some people.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25What is going on?
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Oh, my God! This is not even my own hair!
0:20:29 > 0:20:31What is happening?
0:20:31 > 0:20:33What is even happening here?
0:20:33 > 0:20:35What...? Who is this person?
0:20:36 > 0:20:37Who is this?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Who is this person?
0:20:41 > 0:20:44What's happening?!
0:20:44 > 0:20:47It is indeed!
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Anush, we're all here because your mum and dad
0:20:49 > 0:20:51think you're absolutely amazing,
0:20:51 > 0:20:54and they want you to come and sing on my TV show,
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Michael McIntyre's Big Show, tomorrow night.
0:20:58 > 0:20:59Are you joking?
0:20:59 > 0:21:00I am not joking.
0:21:00 > 0:21:01It's all for you, Anush...
0:21:01 > 0:21:04- Can I have the wig?- You can...!
0:21:04 > 0:21:06You can...! You can... Erm, you will be something
0:21:06 > 0:21:08called the Unexpected Star Of The Show.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11- Yes, I've watched it. - You've watched it.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Anush, will you be the unexpected star of my TV show tomorrow night?
0:21:14 > 0:21:16- Yes.- Anush - are you up for it?
0:21:16 > 0:21:18- Yeah.- You want to do it tomorrow night?
0:21:18 > 0:21:20He's going to do it!
0:21:20 > 0:21:21Yeah!
0:21:22 > 0:21:26It's Anush! Yay!
0:21:28 > 0:21:31What a funny guy!
0:21:33 > 0:21:37Aw! What a character Anush is!
0:21:37 > 0:21:38He obviously had a lot of fun.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42That Gordon Ramsay line is funnier than anything
0:21:42 > 0:21:44you'll see probably for the rest of this series!
0:21:44 > 0:21:46All right, well, we're going to meet him.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48We'll see how he does. It's a huge night for him.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Thank you so, so much for nominating him.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52- Thank you.- Ladies and gentlemen, it's Anush's parents!
0:21:52 > 0:21:54APPLAUSE
0:21:54 > 0:21:58All right, it's all set, so let's meet him.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02Ladies and gentlemen,
0:22:02 > 0:22:08please welcome tonight's Unexpected Star Of The Show, it's Anush!
0:22:16 > 0:22:20Yeah!
0:22:20 > 0:22:22It's Anush, what a little champion! Oh!
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Hey, there! Nice to see you!
0:22:27 > 0:22:29- Anush.- Yes.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31How are you feeling?
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Wonderful.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35And how was yesterday, how was lunch?
0:22:35 > 0:22:39Erm, yeah, it was good, I didn't really eat much, but...
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Tomato soup with a side of watch was nice as well.
0:22:44 > 0:22:45Oh, really?!
0:22:47 > 0:22:49And so, it was a big shock, big surprise.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52- Yeah.- But have you felt nervous or excited about tonight?
0:22:52 > 0:22:56Er, first I was feeling nervous, but when I went through it,
0:22:56 > 0:22:57I got more confident.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59And what you've got to remember about all these people,
0:22:59 > 0:23:02they're so behind you, and they're just willing you to do well.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05APPLAUSE 100%.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08All right. So, you're going to go and get changed.
0:23:08 > 0:23:09- Yeah.- And get ready.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11- Yeah.- And perform for us tonight on this stage.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12- Yes.- Ladies and gentlemen,
0:23:12 > 0:23:15it's the absolutely wonderful and adorable Anush!
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Come on, Anush!
0:23:17 > 0:23:20APPLAUSE Thank you so much!
0:23:20 > 0:23:22See you later, well done.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Ladies and gentlemen, now, it gives me great pleasure
0:23:27 > 0:23:31to welcome the Grammy Award-winning pop sensations
0:23:31 > 0:23:36whose videos have had over 2.7 billion views online!
0:23:36 > 0:23:39It is the absolutely sensational...
0:23:39 > 0:23:40Clean Bandit are here!
0:23:40 > 0:23:42APPLAUSE
0:23:56 > 0:23:58# I know you're out in Cabo
0:23:58 > 0:23:59Hanging with your brother
0:23:59 > 0:24:01# Wishin' that I was your bottle
0:24:01 > 0:24:04# So I could be close to your lips again
0:24:04 > 0:24:06# I know you didn't call your parents
0:24:06 > 0:24:08# And tell them that we ended
0:24:08 > 0:24:10# Cos you know that they'd be offended
0:24:10 > 0:24:13# Did you not wanna tell them it's the end
0:24:13 > 0:24:17# And I know we're not supposed to talk
0:24:17 > 0:24:20# But I'm getting ahead of myself
0:24:20 > 0:24:22# I get scared when we're not
0:24:22 > 0:24:24# Cos I'm scared you're with somebody else
0:24:24 > 0:24:26# So I guess that it's gone
0:24:26 > 0:24:29# And I just keep lying to myself
0:24:29 > 0:24:32# I can't believe it
0:24:32 > 0:24:36# I, I miss you, yeah
0:24:36 > 0:24:38# I miss you
0:24:38 > 0:24:41# I miss you, yeah, I miss you
0:24:41 > 0:24:43# Oh, I do
0:24:43 > 0:24:45# I miss you, yeah
0:24:45 > 0:24:47# I miss you
0:24:47 > 0:24:51# Though I'm tryin' not to right now
0:24:59 > 0:25:01# You weren't a fan of pictures
0:25:01 > 0:25:03# So I hardly ever took 'em
0:25:03 > 0:25:05# Got them saved in my mind from the bedroom
0:25:05 > 0:25:08# So that way I can't forget your skin
0:25:08 > 0:25:10# So I saved all the texts
0:25:10 > 0:25:12# All of the best over the years
0:25:12 > 0:25:15# Just to remind myself
0:25:15 > 0:25:18# Of how good it is or was
0:25:18 > 0:25:21# And I know we're not supposed to talk
0:25:21 > 0:25:24# But I'm getting ahead of myself
0:25:24 > 0:25:26# I get scared when we're not
0:25:26 > 0:25:28# Cos I'm scared you're with somebody else
0:25:28 > 0:25:31# So I guess that it's gone
0:25:31 > 0:25:34# And I just keep lying to myself
0:25:34 > 0:25:36# I can't believe it
0:25:36 > 0:25:39# I, I miss you, yeah
0:25:39 > 0:25:42# I miss you
0:25:42 > 0:25:45# I miss you, yeah, I miss you
0:25:45 > 0:25:46# Oh, I do
0:25:46 > 0:25:50# I miss you, yeah, I miss you
0:25:50 > 0:25:55# Though I'm tryin' not to right now
0:26:04 > 0:26:06# So I saved all the texts
0:26:06 > 0:26:08# All of the best over the years
0:26:08 > 0:26:13# Just to remind myself of how good it is
0:26:13 > 0:26:15# Yeah, I saved all the texts off of my ex
0:26:15 > 0:26:17# Minus the tears
0:26:17 > 0:26:20# Just to remind myself
0:26:20 > 0:26:22# Of how good it is or was
0:26:22 > 0:26:25# Cos I miss you, yeah
0:26:25 > 0:26:27# I miss you
0:26:27 > 0:26:31# I miss you, yeah, I miss you
0:26:31 > 0:26:32# Oh, I do
0:26:32 > 0:26:35# I miss you, yeah, I miss you
0:26:37 > 0:26:39# Though I'm tryin' not to right now
0:26:39 > 0:26:42# I can't help it, I just
0:26:54 > 0:26:57# Though I'm tryin' not to right now
0:26:57 > 0:27:00# How? I can't help it, I just. #
0:27:00 > 0:27:04APPLAUSE Clean Bandit, ladies and gentlemen!
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Hi, how are you? Nice to see you!
0:27:08 > 0:27:10Hi, girls! Yay!
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Oh, that was absolutely sensational!
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Can I just also reassure viewers at home
0:27:15 > 0:27:20that no zebras were harmed in the creation of these costumes!
0:27:20 > 0:27:21Wonderful and glorious,
0:27:21 > 0:27:25Clean Bandit, ladies and gentlemen, what about that?
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Brilliant! Thank you, my friend!
0:27:33 > 0:27:36Now, ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to ask you,
0:27:36 > 0:27:40if we have karaoke fans in the house.
0:27:40 > 0:27:44Please applaud if in your life if you have enjoyed karaoke.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Karaoke!
0:27:46 > 0:27:51CHEERING So many karaoke fans, come on!
0:27:51 > 0:27:54I have never done karaoke in my life, and I've always wanted to.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56But no-one ever invited me to karaoke.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58So, seeing as it's my show...
0:28:02 > 0:28:04..we're going to have a little bit of karaoke.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Please sing along with me.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08It's my first time. Everybody, please.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10You know this one.
0:28:10 > 0:28:13# Got a fist of pure emotion
0:28:13 > 0:28:16# Got a head of shattered dreams
0:28:16 > 0:28:17# Got to leave it
0:28:17 > 0:28:21# Got to leave it all behind now... #
0:28:21 > 0:28:22Come on!
0:28:22 > 0:28:23# Whatever I said
0:28:23 > 0:28:27# Whatever I did, I didn't mean it
0:28:27 > 0:28:30# I just want you back for good
0:28:30 > 0:28:32# Want you back, want you back
0:28:32 > 0:28:34# Want you back for good... #
0:28:34 > 0:28:36All right, round of applause for everybody!
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Good start!
0:28:38 > 0:28:41APPLAUSE
0:28:41 > 0:28:47So, I need to know if we have other karaoke fans in the house.
0:28:47 > 0:28:50Do we have other...? Are you, sir, a karaoke fan?
0:28:50 > 0:28:53No.
0:28:53 > 0:28:55Erm, madam, do you like a bit of...?
0:28:55 > 0:28:58- No!- I see what's happening here.
0:28:58 > 0:28:59You're trying to deny it.
0:28:59 > 0:29:01Do you like karaoke, my friend?
0:29:01 > 0:29:02- No.- No.
0:29:02 > 0:29:05You're worried that I'm going to make you sing.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08- Do you like karaoke?- No.- No? You don't like karaoke?
0:29:08 > 0:29:11- Have you ever done karaoke?- Once.
0:29:11 > 0:29:14You did karaoke once? When was that?
0:29:14 > 0:29:18- Erm, recently, last week.- Last week? Where was that?- In Manchester.
0:29:18 > 0:29:20Right. Where was that exactly?
0:29:20 > 0:29:22I can't remember the name of the pub.
0:29:22 > 0:29:25You can't remember the name of the pub. Let me jog your memory.
0:29:28 > 0:29:30Was it this pub?
0:29:33 > 0:29:35Is that the pub...Ashleigh?
0:29:36 > 0:29:39- It was.- Can you stand up, please, for me, Ashleigh?
0:29:39 > 0:29:41So, I've just heard the news, ladies and gentlemen,
0:29:41 > 0:29:46that Ashleigh has only performed karaoke once.
0:29:47 > 0:29:49Do you remember what you sung?
0:29:49 > 0:29:50Erm, Take That.
0:29:50 > 0:29:53- Take That.- Yeah.- What a coincidence, that's what I was singing.
0:29:53 > 0:29:56- Yeah.- I wonder...
0:29:56 > 0:30:02I wonder how we could find out how well you might have sung Take That.
0:30:02 > 0:30:06Please don't tell me we were secretly filming you
0:30:06 > 0:30:08doing your one and only karaoke?
0:30:08 > 0:30:12To find out exactly how well, Ashleigh, you may have sung that,
0:30:12 > 0:30:16who better to compare it against than the person I believe
0:30:16 > 0:30:19is the very best at Take That karaoke.
0:30:19 > 0:30:21Please welcome Gary Barlow!
0:30:21 > 0:30:23APPLAUSE
0:30:23 > 0:30:26Gary Barlow, ladies and gentlemen!
0:30:30 > 0:30:33Oh, Ashleigh! Hi, Gary!
0:30:33 > 0:30:34Good evening.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37- This is Ashleigh.- Hi, Ashleigh.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39- Hi.- How are you?
0:30:39 > 0:30:40- I'm good.- Shocked?
0:30:40 > 0:30:43Ashleigh's only done karaoke once.
0:30:43 > 0:30:44It was in Manchester last weekend,
0:30:44 > 0:30:47and she sung one of your wonderful songs.
0:30:47 > 0:30:50- Really?- And tonight, she's going to be duetting that performance...
0:30:53 > 0:30:55..with your wonderful self.
0:30:57 > 0:30:59OK, Ashleigh, are you ready for this?
0:30:59 > 0:31:02So, please, singing Greatest Day,
0:31:02 > 0:31:06it's Gary Barlow, featuring Ashleigh!
0:31:06 > 0:31:07Take it away!
0:31:12 > 0:31:15# Today this could be,
0:31:15 > 0:31:19# The greatest day of our lives
0:31:19 > 0:31:23# Today this could be
0:31:23 > 0:31:27# The greatest day of our lives
0:31:27 > 0:31:29# Oh
0:31:29 > 0:31:33# When the world comes alive
0:31:33 > 0:31:37# And the world comes alive
0:31:37 > 0:31:41# And the world comes alive
0:31:41 > 0:31:45# Oh, oh, oh
0:31:45 > 0:31:46# Stay close to me. #
0:31:46 > 0:31:48Ashleigh, ladies and gentlemen!
0:31:48 > 0:31:51Well done, well done.
0:31:53 > 0:31:55OK. How did she do, Gary?
0:31:55 > 0:31:59With just a little bit more work, she could get there.
0:31:59 > 0:32:01A little bit more work, a little workshopping!
0:32:01 > 0:32:04Now what I need to tell the whole audience here, ladies and gentlemen,
0:32:04 > 0:32:07is that certain members of this audience are starting to panic.
0:32:09 > 0:32:13Because they too may have frequented the Millstone pub in Manchester.
0:32:13 > 0:32:16And of course by saying that,
0:32:16 > 0:32:18I'm talking to you, Freddie.
0:32:22 > 0:32:23Hey, Freddie.
0:32:25 > 0:32:27Lovely to meet you.
0:32:29 > 0:32:31Freddie, judging by that reaction,
0:32:31 > 0:32:34you've forgotten that you were in the Millstone pub in Manchester.
0:32:34 > 0:32:35Oh, no, I haven't!
0:32:35 > 0:32:37You didn't forget that?
0:32:37 > 0:32:39That's just come back to you.
0:32:39 > 0:32:40It has now.
0:32:40 > 0:32:44Ladies and gentlemen, singing Rule The World,
0:32:44 > 0:32:47it's Gary Barlow featuring Freddie.
0:32:47 > 0:32:50APPLAUSE
0:32:53 > 0:32:55# Yeah, you and me
0:32:55 > 0:32:57# We can ride on a star
0:32:57 > 0:33:00# If you stay with me, girl
0:33:00 > 0:33:03# We can rule the world
0:33:03 > 0:33:06# Yeah, you and me
0:33:06 > 0:33:09# We can light up the sky
0:33:09 > 0:33:11# If you stay by my side
0:33:11 > 0:33:15# We can rule the world
0:33:15 > 0:33:18# Stars are out tonight
0:33:18 > 0:33:22# They're lighting up the skies tonight. #
0:33:22 > 0:33:23Good performance!
0:33:23 > 0:33:26Gary, how was that sounding to you?
0:33:26 > 0:33:28Amazing.
0:33:28 > 0:33:30I forgot it was so high, that one.
0:33:32 > 0:33:36Well, if only we had more of those.
0:33:37 > 0:33:40If only someone else in this audience...
0:33:43 > 0:33:45..if only someone else went to the Millstone.
0:33:45 > 0:33:48It's Jack, ladies and gentlemen!
0:33:48 > 0:33:50APPLAUSE
0:33:51 > 0:33:56And here you are, Jack, singing the absolute classic Never Forget,
0:33:56 > 0:34:00it's Gary Barlow featuring Jack, take it away.
0:34:02 > 0:34:09# At night I see the hand that reminds me of the stand that I make
0:34:09 > 0:34:13# The facts of reality
0:34:13 > 0:34:17# Never forget where you're coming from
0:34:17 > 0:34:22# Never pretend that it's all real
0:34:22 > 0:34:29# Someday soon this will be someone else's dream
0:34:31 > 0:34:33# Someone else's dream. #
0:34:37 > 0:34:38Absolutely, good.
0:34:38 > 0:34:42HE MIMICS TUNELESS SINGING
0:34:45 > 0:34:46What about that one, Gary?
0:34:46 > 0:34:48Another high one.
0:34:48 > 0:34:50Another high one!
0:34:50 > 0:34:53Well, ah, what a night that was.
0:34:53 > 0:34:55What a... You weren't there, were you, sir?
0:34:55 > 0:34:57- No.- You weren't there.
0:34:57 > 0:34:59You know for a fact that you weren't there.
0:35:00 > 0:35:02Pauline.
0:35:05 > 0:35:08Pauline - what we're about to witness, Pauline,
0:35:08 > 0:35:12is some of the best footage of anything I've ever seen.
0:35:13 > 0:35:15Ladies and gentlemen, it's Pauline.
0:35:15 > 0:35:17APPLAUSE
0:35:19 > 0:35:20Pauline...
0:35:20 > 0:35:22- Hello!- How are you?
0:35:22 > 0:35:24- I'm well.- You all right?- Mm.
0:35:24 > 0:35:25Say hi to Gary.
0:35:25 > 0:35:26- Hello, Gary.- Hi.
0:35:26 > 0:35:31Pauline - your karaoke was so good...
0:35:31 > 0:35:33- No. No!- ..we've broken it up into sections.
0:35:35 > 0:35:38So, singing Could It Be Magic...
0:35:38 > 0:35:39Oh, God!
0:35:39 > 0:35:41- And I've got to be honest... - It's not!
0:35:41 > 0:35:43..it's magic.
0:35:43 > 0:35:45Please welcome Gary Barlow...
0:35:45 > 0:35:46and Pauline!
0:35:46 > 0:35:48APPLAUSE
0:35:48 > 0:35:51# I could love you
0:35:51 > 0:35:55# Yeah, build my world around you
0:35:55 > 0:36:00# Never leave you till my life is done
0:36:00 > 0:36:01OK, come on!
0:36:01 > 0:36:03# Could it be magic now
0:36:03 > 0:36:06# Come, come
0:36:06 > 0:36:09# Come into my arms
0:36:09 > 0:36:15# Let me feel the wonder of all of you. #
0:36:15 > 0:36:18APPLAUSE
0:36:18 > 0:36:23Sorry, no, no. Don't for a moment think that's it, Pauline.
0:36:24 > 0:36:26Pauline, before we watch this next footage,
0:36:26 > 0:36:28can I just confirm that you've got...
0:36:28 > 0:36:30Have you got your bag with you tonight?
0:36:30 > 0:36:34- Oh, no!- Oh. Well, that's good that you've got that close by tonight.
0:36:34 > 0:36:36Play on, Gary.
0:36:36 > 0:36:38It's Gary and Pauline!
0:36:38 > 0:36:44# Oh, could this be the magic at last
0:36:44 > 0:36:46# Sun, sun
0:36:46 > 0:36:47Me bag! Me bag!
0:36:47 > 0:36:49# Baby take me
0:36:49 > 0:36:51Get me bag!
0:36:51 > 0:36:54# High up on a hillside
0:36:54 > 0:36:59# High up where the stallion meets the sun... #
0:36:59 > 0:37:02And dance!
0:37:02 > 0:37:05APPLAUSE
0:37:08 > 0:37:11Will you watch me bag! Me bag!
0:37:11 > 0:37:13Me bag! Me bag!
0:37:15 > 0:37:18# Now, now... #
0:37:18 > 0:37:21APPLAUSE
0:37:21 > 0:37:24You've been so brilliant, thank you.
0:37:24 > 0:37:29Pauline! Absolutely fantastic. All right,
0:37:29 > 0:37:32well, what...
0:37:32 > 0:37:35Well done for dealing with that extraordinary surprise.
0:37:35 > 0:37:36I have to say,
0:37:36 > 0:37:39anybody else, even if by accident you've been in the Millstone pub
0:37:39 > 0:37:41in Manchester, we have no more footage.
0:37:41 > 0:37:45Just out of interest, has anybody else ever sung Take That,
0:37:45 > 0:37:47Take That karaoke?
0:37:47 > 0:37:48- Never.- No? Take That karaoke?
0:37:48 > 0:37:50- Never.- Never. Take That kara...
0:37:50 > 0:37:52You've never sung Take That karaoke?
0:37:52 > 0:37:54- N-no.- Never. And your wife has never...
0:37:54 > 0:37:56- No.- No? You've never sung karaoke?
0:37:56 > 0:37:58Take That?
0:38:00 > 0:38:02Once.
0:38:02 > 0:38:04Oh! The truth comes out!
0:38:04 > 0:38:05You've sung it once.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07When was that?
0:38:07 > 0:38:09- When was that? - Er, when were we away?
0:38:09 > 0:38:12- About eight week ago. - Where were you?
0:38:12 > 0:38:13- Mallorca.- Mallorca?
0:38:15 > 0:38:17OK, well, you're safe, because, I'm sorry, you know,
0:38:17 > 0:38:20there's no way we went to Mallorca.
0:38:20 > 0:38:22Where was it, though, in Mallorca?
0:38:26 > 0:38:28Betty's Bar in Cala Egos.
0:38:28 > 0:38:31Oh, Betty's Bar!
0:38:37 > 0:38:40Oh, dear! Oh, dear, Tony!
0:38:40 > 0:38:44Tony and Andrea, if you don't mind, can I ask you to stand up?
0:38:44 > 0:38:46Thank you so much.
0:38:46 > 0:38:49I hope you had a lovely holiday.
0:38:50 > 0:38:51Good holiday in Mallorca?
0:38:51 > 0:38:53- Fantastic.- Lovely holiday?
0:38:53 > 0:38:55- Quality.- How was the weather, weather good?
0:38:55 > 0:38:58- Weather good?- OK. - Bit burnt, didn't you?
0:38:58 > 0:39:00- Got a bit burnt?- Yes, a bit burnt.
0:39:00 > 0:39:02A bit burnt. A bit of sunstroke may have kicked in.
0:39:05 > 0:39:09Ladies and gentlemen, singing Rule The World,
0:39:09 > 0:39:13it's Gary Barlow, and Tony and Andrea in Mallorca!
0:39:16 > 0:39:19# You've saved my soul
0:39:19 > 0:39:22# Don't leave me now
0:39:22 > 0:39:25# Don't leave me now
0:39:25 > 0:39:27# Oh
0:39:27 > 0:39:29- HE STUMBLES:- # You, me...
0:39:29 > 0:39:31# Ride on a star
0:39:31 > 0:39:34# You can stay with me, girl
0:39:34 > 0:39:38- OUT OF TUNE:- # You rule my world!
0:39:38 > 0:39:40# You, me...
0:39:41 > 0:39:43# Ride on a star
0:39:43 > 0:39:46# If you stay by my side
0:39:46 > 0:39:50# Rule my world!
0:39:51 > 0:39:53# Ooh! #
0:39:54 > 0:39:58Tony and Andrea, ladies and gentlemen! Thank you so, so much.
0:39:58 > 0:40:00Thank you, Andrea, that was brilliant.
0:40:00 > 0:40:01Well done, well done.
0:40:01 > 0:40:03You're never safe. You're never safe!
0:40:03 > 0:40:06Please, give it up for all our karaoke singers!
0:40:09 > 0:40:12And, of course, the absolutely sensational and legendary,
0:40:12 > 0:40:13it's Gary Barlow!
0:40:19 > 0:40:23- Oh, my God! Nearly a full smacker from Barlow!- Thank you.
0:40:23 > 0:40:25Wasn't Gary absolutely sensational?
0:40:25 > 0:40:26What a surprise!
0:40:29 > 0:40:32Gary, now, listen, the news is that the band, this musical,
0:40:32 > 0:40:34I've heard it's absolutely sensational.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37Absolutely, and also we've just extended for another year,
0:40:37 > 0:40:39so it's going really, really well.
0:40:39 > 0:40:41- Amazing.- So, keep your diaries open.
0:40:41 > 0:40:44Put it in your diaries, put it in all of your diaries, it's happening.
0:40:44 > 0:40:48And of course, all of you karaoke singers have been invited personally
0:40:48 > 0:40:53by Gary to join him on his brand-new solo tour, special guests.
0:40:53 > 0:40:56You're all invited! You're all coming!
0:40:56 > 0:40:59- See you there, everyone! - Next week, Gary Barlow, on tour.
0:40:59 > 0:41:01Please come along - just don't sing!
0:41:01 > 0:41:03OK.
0:41:03 > 0:41:07You're coming. Don't forget your bag!
0:41:07 > 0:41:09Ladies and gentlemen, one more time for all our karaoke singers,
0:41:09 > 0:41:12and of course the fantastic... That was so brilliant, so funny.
0:41:12 > 0:41:14Thank you. Gary Barlow, ladies and gentlemen!
0:41:14 > 0:41:17MUSIC: Relight My Fire by Take That
0:41:20 > 0:41:24OK, ladies and gentlemen, I am now totally thrilled to introduce
0:41:24 > 0:41:27an award-winning and hilarious stand-up comedian.
0:41:27 > 0:41:29I absolutely love this guy. I'm thrilled to have him on my show.
0:41:29 > 0:41:32Please welcome the fantastic Mr Russell Kane is here!
0:41:32 > 0:41:34Go on, Kaney!
0:41:42 > 0:41:45I don't know if there's any single people in the room. Any single...?
0:41:45 > 0:41:47- CHEERING - Right. OK.
0:41:47 > 0:41:50Particularly single ladies, because I know you love stuff like this.
0:41:50 > 0:41:52I'm a bit old, yeah, and at the last minute,
0:41:52 > 0:41:53I've discovered the secret for happiness.
0:41:53 > 0:41:55All the things we tie ourselves up in knots.
0:41:55 > 0:41:57You see, you have to be the same religion,
0:41:57 > 0:41:59you have to be the same race, same language.
0:41:59 > 0:42:01You have to have a lot in common. All nonsense, right?
0:42:01 > 0:42:04There's only one thing that matters, and when I say this,
0:42:04 > 0:42:06you'll look back at all your relationships that didn't work.
0:42:06 > 0:42:10Attuned energies, opposite energy types.
0:42:10 > 0:42:13Every happy couple in this room is comprised of one of each.
0:42:13 > 0:42:15One, an intense, one like me,
0:42:15 > 0:42:17bouncing out of bed with loads of energy at 6am.
0:42:17 > 0:42:19Never late, always paying the bills on time.
0:42:19 > 0:42:21"Is it a traffic jam? I don't think so, we'll get there,
0:42:21 > 0:42:23"we'll get past it anyway. I'll clean the dishwasher,
0:42:23 > 0:42:26"then I'll take the kids to school." One of those.
0:42:26 > 0:42:29And sat next to you will be a "Life's too short, chill out, man,
0:42:29 > 0:42:31"what are you getting so stressed for?
0:42:31 > 0:42:34"Seriously! Be like me, I went to Thailand when I was 18,
0:42:34 > 0:42:36"I don't do stress. I don't pay bills,
0:42:36 > 0:42:39"I leave them for other people to worry about instead.
0:42:39 > 0:42:41"Oh, is it a traffic jam? Doesn't matter, we can play a word game.
0:42:41 > 0:42:43"Kill some time."
0:42:44 > 0:42:45Are you a couple?
0:42:45 > 0:42:47Who's the chilled out one out of the two of you?
0:42:47 > 0:42:49I can just tell. Look at the eyes.
0:42:49 > 0:42:51Half-closed, relaxed.
0:42:51 > 0:42:53He's just sat there thinking, "What's going to happen now?
0:42:53 > 0:42:56"Is the camera going to come on me? Might be a quite a long queue on the
0:42:56 > 0:42:59"way out, it's 2,000 people in here, what about our parking,
0:42:59 > 0:43:01"how do we get home? What time's the last train?" Everything!
0:43:01 > 0:43:02She's just sat there going,
0:43:02 > 0:43:05"Look at all the lights and colours and sounds!"
0:43:09 > 0:43:11Bed. Sleep.
0:43:11 > 0:43:13Is there anything more irritating than people
0:43:13 > 0:43:15who can fall asleep anywhere, any time?
0:43:15 > 0:43:18Do you know what, sometimes at a festival, I fall asleep against
0:43:18 > 0:43:20the techno-speaker, just rock to sleep like that.
0:43:22 > 0:43:27I'm not an insomniac. I need perfect conditions for sleep.
0:43:27 > 0:43:30There'll be half this room. Don't be shy in supporting me, yeah?
0:43:30 > 0:43:33Half... I need perfect conditions, I need 20 degrees Celsius,
0:43:33 > 0:43:36blackout curtain, complete silence. If I hear a pin drop,
0:43:36 > 0:43:38"Oh, I'm going to think about interest rates till 6am."
0:43:38 > 0:43:41I'm gone. "What if it goes up a full 1%?"
0:43:41 > 0:43:42Panic attack till 5am.
0:43:44 > 0:43:45And who do we marry?
0:43:45 > 0:43:47Who do we live with and sleep next to?
0:43:47 > 0:43:48You, the easy sleepers.
0:43:49 > 0:43:51We're cursed to see this face.
0:43:55 > 0:43:58D'you know how many times you've had a fist hovering over that face?
0:44:00 > 0:44:01You can sleep.
0:44:01 > 0:44:05You can sleep forever if you like! D'you want to sleep forever?!
0:44:08 > 0:44:10Nothing stops these people falling asleep.
0:44:10 > 0:44:12Nothing! "Oh, my God, I'm going to being made redundant,
0:44:12 > 0:44:15there's no way I'm going to be able to..." No difference!
0:44:17 > 0:44:20You've lost your job, have a bit of self-respect, where's your insomnia?
0:44:21 > 0:44:24Nothing wakes these people! Nothing!
0:44:24 > 0:44:27"There was a storm last night." "Was there storm?!"
0:44:28 > 0:44:31"A tree came through the window." "Oh, yeah!"
0:44:36 > 0:44:40They don't recline a seat that can be reclined.
0:44:40 > 0:44:42The cockiness of it.
0:44:42 > 0:44:44The eight-hour drive, London to Edinburgh.
0:44:44 > 0:44:45Put the seat back. No need.
0:44:47 > 0:44:51The annoying dead bird head bobbing around with a string of dribble.
0:44:51 > 0:44:54Never waking, not even at the service station.
0:44:54 > 0:44:57- "Oh, are we in Edinburgh already? It went so quickly."- Did it?!
0:44:58 > 0:45:00With me driving, Muggy Mugden?
0:45:02 > 0:45:04Lindsey's my partner - I know, I'm married to a woman...
0:45:04 > 0:45:06Surprise, I like girls!
0:45:07 > 0:45:09Who'd have thought it?
0:45:09 > 0:45:12Me and Lindsey, never, can't do romantic movies.
0:45:12 > 0:45:14Can't. We can't. I've spent money...
0:45:14 > 0:45:16Has anyone got one of the projector screens that come down?
0:45:16 > 0:45:19I spent money on blackout curtains to get it as dark as possible.
0:45:19 > 0:45:22Can't watch it. Can't. Even in the afternoon. D'you know why?
0:45:22 > 0:45:24"Please leave a lamp on? Can we leave a lamp on before
0:45:24 > 0:45:26"we put the movie on?" Why? "Because if you don't leave a lamp on,
0:45:26 > 0:45:28"I'll fall asleep during the film."
0:45:28 > 0:45:33Are you a budgie? Is that how basic your biology is?
0:45:34 > 0:45:38That simply being in darkness causes you to lose consciousness?
0:45:38 > 0:45:41"Oh, no, the light's gone out, I'll fall asleep till my millet arrives."
0:45:41 > 0:45:43Thanks very much.
0:45:43 > 0:45:46Then I catch her sneaking sleep in, that winds me up.
0:45:46 > 0:45:48"Admit it! You're falling asleep."
0:45:48 > 0:45:51"I'm not." "Admit it, and we won't argue."
0:45:51 > 0:45:53Right? She does lizard blinks.
0:45:53 > 0:45:55Have you ever seen those? The person pretending
0:45:55 > 0:45:57they're not falling asleep. They do a long blink, and...
0:45:57 > 0:45:59sneak in a bit of sleep with it.
0:46:03 > 0:46:05"It was a lizard blink!"
0:46:05 > 0:46:08"I saw it!" "It wasn't!" Right, and I do a punishment rewind.
0:46:08 > 0:46:10"We'll watch that scene again."
0:46:10 > 0:46:13"We will watch that scene again until you absorb it."
0:46:15 > 0:46:17Oh, what a catch I am, girls, I know!
0:46:18 > 0:46:21D'you know the worst thing these people do?
0:46:21 > 0:46:24They don't get up for a wee in the night!
0:46:24 > 0:46:27How are you doing it, you camel-bladdered freaks?!
0:46:27 > 0:46:31How are you doing it, you asbestos-torsoed weirdos?!
0:46:32 > 0:46:34I did an experiment, sir.
0:46:34 > 0:46:37I drunk nothing all day, thimble of Horlicks before I went to bed.
0:46:37 > 0:46:39Made no difference.
0:46:39 > 0:46:41Still, 2am jet of wee,
0:46:41 > 0:46:424am, jet of wee, 6am....
0:46:42 > 0:46:44I don't know if any of the girls are aware of this,
0:46:44 > 0:46:47but sometimes I'm so tired, I do a sit-down wee whilst crying.
0:46:50 > 0:46:53"I can't stop thinking about interest rates - what if they go up?
0:46:53 > 0:46:55"It's good for savers, but not for homeowners..."
0:46:57 > 0:46:59Lindsey, no difference.
0:46:59 > 0:47:01Midnight - "I'll have a gallon of Ribena."
0:47:03 > 0:47:0412 hours' sleep, power whizz.
0:47:14 > 0:47:17Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much for listening!
0:47:17 > 0:47:19I've been Russell Kane! Goodnight!
0:47:22 > 0:47:23Kaney!
0:47:24 > 0:47:27That's a really cool story!
0:47:27 > 0:47:29Russell Kane, ladies and gentlemen!
0:47:29 > 0:47:31Yay!
0:47:36 > 0:47:40OK. It's time to find out what replies Danny Dyer
0:47:40 > 0:47:42has got on his mobile phone.
0:47:42 > 0:47:44Are you ready to play Send To All?
0:47:44 > 0:47:46CHEERING
0:47:47 > 0:47:49OK. So, earlier tonight,
0:47:49 > 0:47:52this is the message that I sent into Danny's phone.
0:47:52 > 0:47:56I took a photo on your phone and sent it with the text of
0:47:56 > 0:47:59an official letter from Downing Street,
0:47:59 > 0:48:04inviting you on behalf of the Queen to become a knight of the realm.
0:48:04 > 0:48:07And with that photograph was this text.
0:48:21 > 0:48:23Hammer emoji.
0:48:25 > 0:48:27Yes! Well, that has gone.
0:48:27 > 0:48:31And I think we should just crack on, and I'll just go through them
0:48:31 > 0:48:33- one by one.- Yeah.- So, Danny Boy...?
0:48:33 > 0:48:35He played my on-screen son, Lee.
0:48:35 > 0:48:38- Oh, he's opened with the word "mental".- Men'al.
0:48:38 > 0:48:39"Not buying it, though.
0:48:39 > 0:48:42"Love you, Pop, but only a nutcase would knight ya."
0:48:50 > 0:48:52That's a funny one! Triple kiss.
0:48:52 > 0:48:55Oh, Example...? Is that the rapper?
0:48:55 > 0:48:58- Yeah, yeah, he's... - The rapper Example.
0:48:58 > 0:49:01"Can't go wrong, mate. Free use of her castles."
0:49:04 > 0:49:06- Proper geezer. - You've got funny friends!
0:49:06 > 0:49:08Er, Uncle Pete...?
0:49:08 > 0:49:09Yeah, my uncle, Pete.
0:49:09 > 0:49:11LAUGHTER
0:49:13 > 0:49:14Classic!
0:49:16 > 0:49:18"Dan, you can't say no.
0:49:18 > 0:49:21"Your image as a hard man will not be affected.
0:49:21 > 0:49:25"It will be an honour to accept any award for your achievements.
0:49:25 > 0:49:26- "Much love, Mucker."- Aw.
0:49:26 > 0:49:28That's so sweet.
0:49:28 > 0:49:30That is so sweet.
0:49:30 > 0:49:32Oh!
0:49:34 > 0:49:36I want you to be knighted now!
0:49:37 > 0:49:39OK, Tolo. Who's Tolo?
0:49:39 > 0:49:41- Brother-in-law.- Brother-in-law.
0:49:41 > 0:49:42"What hard man image, LOL?!
0:49:45 > 0:49:46"That is serious.
0:49:46 > 0:49:49"Is there any day which is normal for you?
0:49:49 > 0:49:51"But what a massive achievement.
0:49:51 > 0:49:55"Next you're going to tell me you're going in the jungle."
0:49:55 > 0:49:57It's like that's above a knighthood!
0:49:59 > 0:50:02"By the way, I've got four tickets from Alan for the Swansea game.
0:50:02 > 0:50:03"But not VIP."
0:50:06 > 0:50:09"Not VIP?! I'm a sir."
0:50:12 > 0:50:17How fun! How amazing that everybody, apart from your on-screen son,
0:50:17 > 0:50:20- thinks you're going to be Sir Danny Dyer!- I know!
0:50:20 > 0:50:21It's the letter!
0:50:21 > 0:50:23Oh, Alan Carr!
0:50:23 > 0:50:25Alan Carr!
0:50:25 > 0:50:28Alan's gone... HE IMITATES ALAN CARR: "Oh, my God. Really?!
0:50:28 > 0:50:29"They're having a laugh.
0:50:29 > 0:50:31"No, seriously they must be having a laugh!
0:50:31 > 0:50:34"No offence, love, but really...?
0:50:35 > 0:50:37"Surely it's a wind-up.
0:50:37 > 0:50:39"No offence, love, but really?!"
0:50:40 > 0:50:43It's Alan Carr! Good one.
0:50:43 > 0:50:44Go on, Al!
0:50:46 > 0:50:48All right, Large Ed. Who's...?
0:50:48 > 0:50:50- It's my brother. - It's your brother, OK.
0:50:50 > 0:50:51Got a massive head.
0:51:05 > 0:51:07He has, he has.
0:51:07 > 0:51:11OK. He's gone, "Ha-ha, as if you'd ever turn your nose up at that.
0:51:11 > 0:51:12"And what hard man image?!
0:51:12 > 0:51:15"You couldn't punch your way out of a wet paper bag!"
0:51:19 > 0:51:21Oh, my God, that's so funny.
0:51:21 > 0:51:24OK, I'm not even going to ask you because I've fallen for this before,
0:51:24 > 0:51:26what this person does. Stuart Removal.
0:51:26 > 0:51:28I presume he is a removal man.
0:51:28 > 0:51:30Very good removal man as well.
0:51:30 > 0:51:36OK! Stuart Removal has said, "Hi, mate, it's Stu, who moved you.
0:51:38 > 0:51:40"I think you sent me this by mistake.
0:51:40 > 0:51:42"And don't worry, I'm trustworthy, mate.
0:51:42 > 0:51:45"But just check that you haven't sent it to anyone else,
0:51:45 > 0:51:48"because in the wrong hands, well, I don't have to tell you."
0:51:52 > 0:51:54Oh, Jimmy Carr's popped in...
0:51:54 > 0:51:56"You can't mug off the Queen.
0:52:02 > 0:52:04"Accept it, you Cockney legend."
0:52:06 > 0:52:08Natalie Cassidy from EastEnders.
0:52:08 > 0:52:10"Oh, Danny!
0:52:10 > 0:52:12"I think it's amazing.
0:52:12 > 0:52:13"Are you sure it's not a wind-up?
0:52:15 > 0:52:19"If no-one is having you on, you've got to go for it, my boy.
0:52:19 > 0:52:20"That is the nuts.
0:52:20 > 0:52:24"Blimey, first Brexit, now Dyer's getting a knighthood!"
0:52:31 > 0:52:35I think that is, without a doubt, one of my favourite ever
0:52:35 > 0:52:37Send To Alls. No-one has been a better sport than you, Danny.
0:52:37 > 0:52:40- Thank you.- Thank you so, so much for being here.
0:52:40 > 0:52:43Ladies and gentlemen, the fantastic Mr Danny Dyer!
0:52:43 > 0:52:44What a legend!
0:52:44 > 0:52:47Fantastic! Well done, Danny.
0:52:48 > 0:52:53OK. Yesterday, ladies and gentlemen, we surprised our Unexpected Star,
0:52:53 > 0:52:5711-year-old Anush, at his local Italian restaurant.
0:52:57 > 0:53:00Since then, with the help of our team,
0:53:00 > 0:53:04he's been preparing for the performance of his young life.
0:53:04 > 0:53:08Let's find out how Anush has been getting on since then.
0:53:10 > 0:53:14So, we went to this restaurant, this waiter comes,
0:53:14 > 0:53:16and he was acting very, very weird.
0:53:16 > 0:53:19Then he pulled off the face and it was Michael McIntyre.
0:53:19 > 0:53:22I was speechless, I didn't know what to do.
0:53:22 > 0:53:23Hi, Anush, how are you?
0:53:23 > 0:53:26I think Anush is handling everything really well.
0:53:26 > 0:53:28It's quite a tiring song for him, it's quite high,
0:53:28 > 0:53:30so we're trying not to push his vocal too much.
0:53:30 > 0:53:33I'm going to do the song in front of all those people.
0:53:33 > 0:53:36So long as I can't see their faces, I'm happy.
0:53:36 > 0:53:37LAUGHTER
0:53:37 > 0:53:39Hide your faces!
0:53:41 > 0:53:44Please give him all your love on the biggest, and latest,
0:53:44 > 0:53:46night of his life.
0:53:46 > 0:53:47It's Anush!
0:54:05 > 0:54:08# When... #
0:54:08 > 0:54:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:54:10 > 0:54:17# I had you
0:54:17 > 0:54:24# I treated you bad
0:54:24 > 0:54:26# And wrong, my dear
0:54:26 > 0:54:30# And, girl, since
0:54:30 > 0:54:34# Since you went away
0:54:34 > 0:54:39# Don't you know, I sit around
0:54:39 > 0:54:44# With my head hanging down
0:54:44 > 0:54:47# And I wonder
0:54:47 > 0:54:50# Who's lovin' you
0:54:52 > 0:54:57# I, I, I, I
0:55:04 > 0:55:09# Should have never ever
0:55:09 > 0:55:12# Ever made you cry
0:55:12 > 0:55:15# And, girl, since
0:55:15 > 0:55:20# Since you've been gone
0:55:20 > 0:55:25# Don't you know, I sit around
0:55:25 > 0:55:30# With my head hanging down
0:55:30 > 0:55:33# And I wonder
0:55:33 > 0:55:38# Who's lovin' you
0:55:38 > 0:55:44# Life without love
0:55:44 > 0:55:48# Is oh so lonely
0:55:49 > 0:55:52# I don't think, I don't think
0:55:52 > 0:55:56# I'm gonna make it
0:55:56 > 0:56:01# All my life, all my life, yeah
0:56:01 > 0:56:05# Belongs to you only
0:56:07 > 0:56:11# Come on and take it, girl
0:56:11 > 0:56:14# Come on and take it, because
0:56:14 > 0:56:19# All
0:56:23 > 0:56:25# All I can do
0:56:25 > 0:56:30# All I can do since you've been gone is cry
0:56:31 > 0:56:36# Don't you know, I sit around
0:56:36 > 0:56:40# With my head hanging down
0:56:40 > 0:56:43# And I wonder
0:56:43 > 0:56:48# Who's
0:56:48 > 0:56:54# Lovin' you
0:56:59 > 0:57:02# I, I, I
0:57:02 > 0:57:06# I do, oh, yeah
0:57:09 > 0:57:13# I, I wonder
0:57:16 > 0:57:22# Who lovin' you-ooh. #
0:57:38 > 0:57:43Oh, Anush! Well, well, well, well, well done!
0:57:43 > 0:57:46Ladies and gentlemen, our Unexpected Star of tonight's show, Anush!
0:57:46 > 0:57:47What a talent!
0:57:51 > 0:57:54- How do you feel after that, Anush? - I don't know.
0:57:54 > 0:57:56That was crazy. Did you enjoy it, did you feel relaxed?
0:57:56 > 0:57:59- A lot, yeah.- Have you ever heard a noise like that?
0:57:59 > 0:58:01No!
0:58:01 > 0:58:03Embarrassingly, neither have I!
0:58:05 > 0:58:07That is what we call bringing the house down.
0:58:07 > 0:58:09That was sensational.
0:58:09 > 0:58:10Go to bed.
0:58:12 > 0:58:14You're amazing. Thank you, Anush.
0:58:14 > 0:58:16One more time for our Unexpected Star. Anush!
0:58:16 > 0:58:17Thank you!
0:58:22 > 0:58:24Ladies and gentlemen, thank you to all the performers that we've had on
0:58:24 > 0:58:26here tonight.
0:58:26 > 0:58:28Thank you so much for coming! Goodnight!
0:58:28 > 0:58:29Bye-bye!
0:58:33 > 0:58:35If you know somebody you'd like to nominate to be
0:58:35 > 0:58:38an Unexpected Star Of The Show for the next series,
0:58:38 > 0:58:41or in fact want to nominate someone for any surprise,
0:58:41 > 0:58:45please go to bbc.co.uk/bigshow for all the details.