0:00:02 > 0:00:04Well, come along then, please. Settle. That's it.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06Well, good evening to you.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09Here we are again in the excitement that is each other's company.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11The pleasure is all yours.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Ha-ha! Good one, me.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16Now, previously in my life,
0:00:16 > 0:00:18Stevie made me go on an adventure course.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21Help!
0:00:21 > 0:00:25Someone let me out, I don't like it!
0:00:25 > 0:00:29Seriously, I really don't...! Oh, thank you.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32I get my own kind of adrenalin kicks, thank you.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37MUTTERS EXCITEDLY
0:00:39 > 0:00:41DRYER TURNS ON
0:00:41 > 0:00:43LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY
0:00:43 > 0:00:46What else happened? Oh, yes, I went clubbing.
0:00:46 > 0:00:47Something I'm not prone to.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51A night out for me is going in to the garden, coming back,
0:00:51 > 0:00:52"Aaah! Home at last."
0:00:52 > 0:00:56And I panic conversationally when in too trendy an environment.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02So, er...tell me something about yourself.
0:01:02 > 0:01:06The other day, I weighed my breasts to see how much they'd cost to post.
0:01:06 > 0:01:11Too heavy to go second class, if you know what I mean.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Right. Onwards with the show, team, quickly!
0:01:14 > 0:01:16So we can forget what we've just witnessed.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29- So, pleased with it?- It's great, Gary, thanks for your help.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32MUTTERED: "Oh, Gary, thanks for your help."
0:01:32 > 0:01:36I've no idea what it does or how I make it do what it does,
0:01:36 > 0:01:37but it looks cool.
0:01:37 > 0:01:42It's easy. I'll teach you. It's great cos you can sync all applications with other hardware...
0:01:42 > 0:01:45- All I'm hearing is... - SPEAKS GIBBERISH
0:01:46 > 0:01:48MIMICS AWKWARD LAUGHTER
0:01:52 > 0:01:55- So, do you want a cup of tea, Gary? - Yeah, great.
0:01:55 > 0:02:00Stevie, what are you doing on the floor, you weird woman?
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Sorry, what's that?
0:02:02 > 0:02:06You'd like to make me and Gary a cup of tea? That's so sweet.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Fine. Just don't play with the toys.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10They're part of the new children's range.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14I really want to play with the toys. Do you really want to?
0:02:14 > 0:02:16- I really want to play with the toys! - We can't, we're open.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18So? Caterpillar Duck race, hello?
0:02:21 > 0:02:23On your marks, get set, go!
0:02:28 > 0:02:31I think you'll find I have chosen the superior animal.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34This one's got no turning circle, that's why!
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Quack, quack, quack!
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Oh, those are lovely!
0:02:44 > 0:02:45My children would love them.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49- How old are yours?- Sorry?
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Well, I hope they're for your kids.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Yeah, be weird if we were just playing.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Very, yes, so, we've...
0:02:57 > 0:02:59- Got kids.- ..got kids.
0:02:59 > 0:03:00What do you have?
0:03:00 > 0:03:03- Two...- Little...- Boys.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06- Had...- Two...
0:03:06 > 0:03:08- Little...- Toys.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12Aaah, we always do that!
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Two boys. Lovely. But exhausting!
0:03:15 > 0:03:19- Oh, shattered.- Yes, you look it.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Ooh, these would be perfect party gifts. Are you local?
0:03:26 > 0:03:31- Maybe yours are going to the same birthday. What are they called? - Uh, Cliff...- Richard.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Cliff and Richard.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41We're massive fans.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44- I'm Mandy.- M-M-Mary, and this is...
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Joseph.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51No way!
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Well, I will look out for your boys. What's your surname?
0:03:56 > 0:04:00- Oh...erm...Ri...- Rich...
0:04:00 > 0:04:02- ..ards...- Richards.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06Right. So your sons are Cliff Richards and...?
0:04:06 > 0:04:07And Richard Richards. Yeah.
0:04:07 > 0:04:13We just thought, life isn't fair, let's teach them that from the off.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Isn't it just that we're massive fans?
0:04:15 > 0:04:17That's it, yeah.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20# We're all going on a summer holiday. #
0:04:20 > 0:04:25# Christmas time Mistletoe and wine
0:04:25 > 0:04:29# Children singing Christian rhymes
0:04:29 > 0:04:31- # Etcetera- Etcetera. #
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Well, lovely to meet you.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Nice to talk to adults otherwise it's just kids, kids, kids.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42BOTH: Oh, isn't it?
0:04:42 > 0:04:46Oh, for a night out! Ooh, a holiday!
0:04:46 > 0:04:49I could do so much more before I had children.
0:04:49 > 0:04:55I sometimes think, "Mandy, how do have enough time to bring up the kids and run your own business?"
0:04:55 > 0:05:00- You're a saint.- Well, yes, in a way.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03But children are worth it, aren't they, Mary?
0:05:03 > 0:05:06I always say, until you've brought the gift of life,
0:05:06 > 0:05:07you're not complete.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12"I'm a saint. I've just given birth.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15"I don't even have enough time to eat!
0:05:15 > 0:05:18"My ovaries work and I'm so very excited!"
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Not very annoying, ovary annoying!
0:05:24 > 0:05:28Gary, not very annoying, ovary annoying!
0:05:31 > 0:05:36Oi, not very annoying, ovary annoying!
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Nothing here, either.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41Rude.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44My point is, I'm young, I'm free.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48- Single.- Yes, happily so, mother.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50I can do anything. I can go reckless, wild.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53- You've never been wild. - OK. So I'm not a clubber.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55I don't "large it, big style."
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Not unless you're in McDonalds.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01Oh, ha-ha! That's very good!
0:06:01 > 0:06:02Such fun!
0:06:02 > 0:06:05It has to be said, Miranda, you're not cool.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Oh, hello, cool new phone, which I've worked out myself,
0:06:08 > 0:06:12plays music, and so is in effect a kind of ghetto blaster.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15And what are you listening to at the moment? Let's have a go, shall we?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17MUSIC: "My Life" By BILLY JOEL
0:06:17 > 0:06:18- Billy Joel?- Yeah.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27You'll be up before you know. You'll all be dancing soon.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32You'll love it.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36# Got a call from an old friend We used to be real close... #
0:06:39 > 0:06:41You'll be feeling it any minute.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45Down low, up high! Down low, up really high!
0:06:54 > 0:06:56OK, fine. You've made your point.
0:06:56 > 0:07:01I'm not cool, but I just want some fun, crazy times, you know?
0:07:01 > 0:07:06I'm going to start by getting really drunk.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08ALL: No!
0:07:08 > 0:07:13- What?- You get regal and angry when you're drunk.- Oh, I do not!
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Have you had wild times, Penny?
0:07:15 > 0:07:18Oh, ho-ho! Don't you know it! I've had...
0:07:18 > 0:07:20ALL: Such fun.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24There was a spa in Malta in the '60s.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28- Oh, no.- Let's just say, clothes weren't an option, so...
0:07:28 > 0:07:32BLENDER DROWNS SPEECH
0:07:38 > 0:07:39..Nigel Havers, twice.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Unacceptable.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48I'm just going to take off for a few days.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52I'm going to pack a back-pack, grab a flight to...Thailand!
0:07:52 > 0:07:54For a few days?
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Wild! Yeah, that's it!
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Well, I'm just off to book my spontaneous trip
0:08:00 > 0:08:02because I am one cool, hip chick.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13Obviously I'm not going on a spontaneous crazy trip.
0:08:13 > 0:08:18I'm no good at travel and even if I did get to an exotic beach location,
0:08:18 > 0:08:20not relaxing. Beaches?
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Try and put a towel down, immediate gust of wind,
0:08:23 > 0:08:24towel in face.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Tuck towel into sand.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Sit down, have an ice lolly, wasp!
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Wasp! Stand up to bat wasp away, oh no!
0:08:32 > 0:08:38Sand on towel now, flap towel to get rid of sand, sand in face, sand on lolly, wasp, abort, abort!
0:08:44 > 0:08:52Right, holiday search. Hotel, England, Surrey.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56It's too expensive, it's a bit far...
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Oh, hang on, brilliant! The Hamilton Lodge.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02I know where that is. La bas.
0:09:03 > 0:09:09Round the corner, no travel, no language barrier, book.
0:09:11 > 0:09:16And there's no reason to say I'm not going to Thailand. Sssh!
0:09:16 > 0:09:18- Morning.- Morning.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22# ..has broken Like the first morning
0:09:22 > 0:09:27# Blackbirds have spoken... Ski-mah-nah-neee. #
0:09:27 > 0:09:30- How are you?- Good.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34- When are you off? - In about 20 minutes, to Thailand.
0:09:37 > 0:09:38Will you be all right for a few days?
0:09:38 > 0:09:42I'm doing a management course on Friday but your mum's covering.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44- Morning. - Morning.- Morning.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46I made you a packed lunch for the flight.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Oh, that's lovely! Thank you.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52Darling, I won't go as far as proud, but I am genuinely impressed.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55You are actually going, what I call, abroad.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58- It is abroad.- Now, remember, if a man drives up to you
0:09:58 > 0:10:00saying he's a taxi, get in.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03You never know.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08Right, Well, I've got a cab booked to the airport so don't hang around.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11- OK. Bye then.- I could have taken you to the airport.
0:10:11 > 0:10:12No, don't worry about it.
0:10:12 > 0:10:17- I would've given you a lift. My car's outside.- You should've asked. - Save the money - I'll take you.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20- My car's just outside. Seriously. - Cancel the taxi, go with Gary.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24I don't want to go the airport with any of you. The idea is disgusting.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Somebody order a cab to The Ha...?
0:10:34 > 0:10:37To the, um...
0:10:37 > 0:10:41the ha...airport, yes.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42Best job I've had in a while!
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Right, I need to leave immediately,
0:10:50 > 0:10:53because I don't know what's going to happen next.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57- And this is your room.- Oh, lovely.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01Look, Thailand!
0:11:01 > 0:11:04Yeah, and you have to stay in this dive, wishing you were there.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Like a form of torture.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10Or you can look at it, imagine you're there, without the hassle of going.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12You like that idea, don't you?
0:11:12 > 0:11:16Right. Fridge, bathroom, bed...
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Ooh, we've only just met!
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Just a little joke.
0:11:21 > 0:11:22Thank you.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Always a bit nervous around youth.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29I love a hotel room!
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Don't you love a hotel room?
0:11:31 > 0:11:33I love a hotel room!
0:11:37 > 0:11:39You know clean sheet night at home,
0:11:39 > 0:11:41when it feels like a delicious new bed?
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Every night in a hotel.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46And sometimes the sheets feel a bit crisp and cold, don't they?
0:11:46 > 0:11:48So you do the warming-up-bed dance.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Forgot to say, breakfast from seven till ten.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Great, thanks.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04And that bed is... Yep, it's fine.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11Oh, this is always funny in a hotel room, isn't it?
0:12:11 > 0:12:14"Where's my head gone?
0:12:14 > 0:12:17"I used to be like a swan."
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Are you from an institution, or are you...?
0:12:24 > 0:12:26No, but I hear you.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Right.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Ooh, tea and coffee tray.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37Nowhere else, but in a hotel room is one so excited
0:12:37 > 0:12:40to see free tea and coffee sachets.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Good word, "sachet".
0:12:42 > 0:12:45As I sashay up to the sachet.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49I am very over-excited!
0:12:51 > 0:12:52Biscuits!
0:12:52 > 0:12:55The key with the biscuits, of course, if you don't eat them
0:12:55 > 0:12:58on day one, hide them so you get the free packet the next.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Little kettle.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07You never have a kettle in your room at home. That would be weird.
0:13:07 > 0:13:12But in a hotel, out of bed, pop the kettle on, one smooth move.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19It's been 26 hours.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22I've done everything. All the films.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Well, not all the films, naughty!
0:13:26 > 0:13:30I've had six baths, most room service meals.
0:13:30 > 0:13:35It's like all the best bits of being ill, but you're well.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Oh, hang on.
0:13:38 > 0:13:39How have I missed this?
0:13:39 > 0:13:43Trouser press! I love these.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Brilliant.
0:13:45 > 0:13:46Pop it in.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Exciting. "I'm a trouser press.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55"Open me up, insert something inside."
0:13:55 > 0:13:56That sounds wrong.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Brilliant.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06Right, I might have to sneak home and get the rest of my trousers
0:14:06 > 0:14:09and make proper and efficient use of that.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Can I do that?
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Yes.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20TOY SQUEAKS
0:14:35 > 0:14:36AARGH!
0:14:36 > 0:14:37Sssh!
0:14:38 > 0:14:40AARGH!
0:14:42 > 0:14:45How is this worse than that?
0:14:45 > 0:14:47What are you doing here?
0:14:47 > 0:14:51I just nipped back from Thailand to get some more trousers.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56I'm staying at the Hamilton Lodge. Don't tell the others.
0:14:56 > 0:15:01- You have gone on holiday to the town you live in?- Sssh!
0:15:01 > 0:15:06- What are you doing here?- Stevie's teaching me the ropes for Friday.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10- I'm exhausted. I was taking a break, - Is everything all right, Penny?
0:15:10 > 0:15:13We've got our next till drill in five minutes.
0:15:13 > 0:15:14Hide!
0:15:21 > 0:15:23She's not coming up.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25- What are you doing? - I'm trying to get in a drawer.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27I panicked!
0:15:29 > 0:15:31All my trousers.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Really have done everything now.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37- KNOCK ON DOOR - Oh, room service!
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Oh, great. Thanks, Jason.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45Just drop it there. We've done pretty well, haven't we, Jason?
0:15:45 > 0:15:47With the whole room service issue.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Cos it can feel awkward, can't it?
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Somebody coming in to deliver a meal
0:15:51 > 0:15:54that you don't know, when you're in pyjamas.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58I mean, imagine if I turned up at your house and walked into your bedroom with a plate of food?
0:15:58 > 0:16:01- Please don't do that. - No, no, I won't!
0:16:01 > 0:16:05I was just saying it's a sort of weirdly intimate scenario, isn't it?
0:16:05 > 0:16:07I was a bit worried that the room might smell.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10But I'm told that my natural smell -
0:16:10 > 0:16:12because we've all got them - is lemons.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15So... I don't know what your smell is.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Boyish, yet manly!
0:16:25 > 0:16:28There's a chance I've got verbal diarrhoea
0:16:28 > 0:16:31because I've been on my own for a while. So, um...
0:16:31 > 0:16:34In fact, do you want to join? It would be nice to have some company.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Is that why you ordered two meals?
0:16:36 > 0:16:41Hmm? Oh, yes, yeah. (No!)
0:16:41 > 0:16:43I'm working.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46But the company thing is something I could arrange, if you like?
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Really? This hotel is amazing. OK.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51For the evening or the whole night?
0:16:51 > 0:16:52Oh, um...
0:16:52 > 0:16:55The whole night. Why not? I've missed a good chat.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57OK, I'll sort that for you.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03A shoe shiner! Brilliant.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07I can't believe I missed this before!
0:17:07 > 0:17:09GIGGLES HYSTERICALLY
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Madame requested an escort?
0:17:24 > 0:17:25You're an escort?
0:17:25 > 0:17:28You're not in Thailand?
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Coming back at you with, "You're an escort?!"
0:17:31 > 0:17:35- Coming back at you with you ordered an escort! - I did not! I ordered company... Oh!
0:17:35 > 0:17:38That's just code!
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Well, seeing as we're here,
0:17:41 > 0:17:45we might as well make good sweet love.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Clive! I'm not gonna sleep with you!
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Don't be shy. I've had weirder.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57Rude! And no!
0:17:57 > 0:18:01And can you please put your trousers on? Because it's one of those
0:18:01 > 0:18:06I don't want to look but I just can't stop looking...things.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09Actually, can you just leave immediately, please?
0:18:10 > 0:18:16And, Clive, don't tell any of the others I'm not in Thailand. OK?
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Bye!
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Right, time to brave the restaurant.
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Hence the business suit.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Pad and pen, people will think I'm working.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28No-one will think, "Sad, lonely diner."
0:18:28 > 0:18:31It's a brilliant system, one I am very pleased with.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34To dine.
0:18:35 > 0:18:36Amanda?
0:18:38 > 0:18:40- Amanda?- Did you say my name?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Ah, yes. Hi there.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44- Here's your badge.- Right.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46It's a real privilege to meet you.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50- Is it? Lovely. - Do you want to join us for a drink?
0:18:50 > 0:18:53- Oh, OK. Why not?- Great.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55What's happening?
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Shall we?
0:18:58 > 0:19:01We're all really looking forward to the seminar.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Oh, a seminar, is it?
0:19:02 > 0:19:06Well, I hope so. It would be tragic if this was a holiday!
0:19:06 > 0:19:09- I mean, look at us! - Yeah, that would be tragic!
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Everybody, this is Amanda Barnes.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14- ALL: Hello, Amanda! - Oh, "Amanda"!
0:19:14 > 0:19:17- It's a real honour.- Is it?
0:19:17 > 0:19:22Excuse me, Sir. We've had a message on reception from an Amanda Barnes. She's running late.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Well, that is an old message, isn't it, because she's here.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Dear, oh, dear.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31- So, Amanda.- That's me. - How was the trip from Yorkshire?
0:19:31 > 0:19:35- YORKSHIRE ACCENT: - Oh, aye, t'were great.
0:19:35 > 0:19:40- I thought you were just there on business. - No, turns out I'm from...thu-u-ur.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44The minute I hear Yorkshire, the accent just comes flooding back.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48- Whereabouts are you from? - Just the general area.
0:19:48 > 0:19:49Nowhere specific.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Don't want to give you my address.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Oh, yes. Risky!
0:19:56 > 0:19:57So, drink?
0:19:57 > 0:20:01Oh, I think Amanda would like a gin and tonic.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04And I think Colin would like to get that for Amanda.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08Fine. Let's get this party started, shall we?
0:20:08 > 0:20:09Amanda's up for some good times.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12CHEERING AND LAUGHTER
0:20:16 > 0:20:18- DRUNKEN SINGING - Does anyone need the loo?
0:20:18 > 0:20:21Throne's through there. We are very amused.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25- POP MUSIC PLAYS - I love Amanda Barnes.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Look at her go.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30New phone? Lovely! These ones have great features.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34Are you still talking about the phone, Colin, eh?
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Oh, Amanda's naughty.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40And slightly like a camp man.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46Oh, sorry, I think I'm calling someone. Hello?
0:20:46 > 0:20:50- Hello?- Miranda?- Gary, hey!
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Hey! How you doing? How's Thailand?
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Yeah, it's great, Gary.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56I'm like a new woman. Literally.
0:20:58 > 0:21:02I've just...I've just sent you a photo of me new mates.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Why are you wearing a business suit?
0:21:04 > 0:21:07- Oh, well, when in Thailand, Gary... - What?
0:21:07 > 0:21:10..go to a seminar.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Are you drunk?
0:21:12 > 0:21:13Me? Drunk?
0:21:13 > 0:21:15No!
0:21:15 > 0:21:17In fact, I better go, Gary,
0:21:17 > 0:21:21because Colin's having an arm wrestle with Tsing-Tao.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Tsing-Tao!
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Bye!
0:21:25 > 0:21:28He taught me how to take a photo,
0:21:28 > 0:21:30but I can't switch the bloody thing off.
0:21:30 > 0:21:31I don't know.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Miranda?
0:21:34 > 0:21:36You've sent me another photo.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38KNOCK ON DOOR
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Gary!
0:21:47 > 0:21:51Hey, welcome to Thailand!
0:21:51 > 0:21:55To the Hamilton Lodge. The photo you sent me was the view from your window.
0:21:55 > 0:21:56- You're down the road.- Sssh!
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Nobody else knows, OK?
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Promise not to tell anyone.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03- Yeah. I promise.- Sssh!
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Oh, ho-ho!
0:22:05 > 0:22:07I see you have company, eh?
0:22:07 > 0:22:10Hello, you must be Tsing-Tao?
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Yeah, if you like!
0:22:12 > 0:22:15We'll leave you to it. Come on guys, out.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17All right, then. Night, guys.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Come on. Back to yours, Phil.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21- Back to yours.- Yeah.
0:22:21 > 0:22:27A demain. Which I always think sounds a bit like Adam Ant.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31# Prince Charming! There's nothing to be scared of. #
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Yeah. I think I'm just gonna get you a glass of water, Miranda.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Oh, you're such a good friend.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Gary, have you seen these?
0:22:39 > 0:22:42These are brilliant! Gary.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44GARY!
0:22:44 > 0:22:47- Come and look at these! - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:22:47 > 0:22:49I think you should take your trousers off first!
0:22:49 > 0:22:52I beg your pardon?
0:22:53 > 0:22:56That is very rude to Your Majesty.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00- Oh, God. - What would Prince Philip say?
0:23:00 > 0:23:04Something racist, probably.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08Look, why don't you come and have a sit down on the bed?
0:23:08 > 0:23:12- Such a good friend, Gary, aren't you?- Yes, yeah.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15I'm not northern anymore.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22Such good friends and that's all, isn't it, Gary?
0:23:22 > 0:23:27I don't think of you in a sexual way at all.
0:23:27 > 0:23:32I mean, you know, you could stay here tonight and it wouldn't mean anything, cos we're just friends.
0:23:32 > 0:23:37In fact, Gary, to prove the ease of our friendship,
0:23:37 > 0:23:40let's just sleep together. Yeah?
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Do a bit of the sex.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Gary, cold bed dance.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56- I just wanted to make sure you were all right, Miranda. - Gary, do a bit of the sex!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59- Miranda! What are you doing?! - Well, we might as well!
0:23:59 > 0:24:01- What are you doing?- Gary, come on!
0:24:03 > 0:24:05SNORING
0:24:07 > 0:24:08Brilliant.
0:24:25 > 0:24:26Oh, no.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30AAARGGH!
0:24:30 > 0:24:34Oh...oh...oh, no... Coffee.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Coffee sachets.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45Morning, Amanda!
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Come on, you're going the wrong way. We're in here.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52Well, welcome everybody. I hope you've all received your agendas.
0:24:52 > 0:24:57As you can see, the course is split into morning and afternoon sessions.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01And then sandwiched in the middle are the sandwiches!
0:25:01 > 0:25:02LAUGHTER
0:25:02 > 0:25:04OK, settle down.
0:25:04 > 0:25:09OK, let's start by welcoming our course leader, Amanda Barnes.
0:25:17 > 0:25:18Right.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20This is a turn up.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Hello.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25I met most of you last night..
0:25:25 > 0:25:26And, you are...
0:25:26 > 0:25:30- Stevie, does that say?- Yes.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33Hello. I'm Amanda Barnes,
0:25:33 > 0:25:37from the general Yorkshire area.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41So, it turns out, I'm your course leader.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44And the course is about, erm...
0:25:44 > 0:25:49Ah! Local Business in the Global Marketplace. That's gonna go.
0:25:49 > 0:25:55Right, OK. Let's imagine that this is the local business
0:25:55 > 0:25:58and this the global market place.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00You've got yourself a willy.
0:26:04 > 0:26:05Cross the willy out.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09So, you don't need me to tell you about the global marketplace.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Oh, at a 100 quid for the day,
0:26:11 > 0:26:15I think we want to hear it from you, Amanda Barnes.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Right, global marketplace.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21What I like to do on a day like this is poo...
0:26:21 > 0:26:24pool - that's a tricky word - pool our wisdom.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27So I think we should hear from...
0:26:27 > 0:26:31Would you like to share some of your ideas?
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Not really, no.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Are you sure?
0:26:36 > 0:26:40- Come on. She has some fab ideas. - I do, actually. It's true. I do.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Thank you, Amanda. Thank you for this opportunity.
0:26:47 > 0:26:48(Don't tell anyone I'm here.)
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Good morning, people.
0:26:50 > 0:26:56My name is Stevie Sutton and I manage a local business which I see as big.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Big dreams, big ideas.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01The only time we think small is Heather Small.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04# What have you done today to make you feel proud? #
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- Now, back to the business at hand... - Excuse me!
0:27:11 > 0:27:15- What the hell do you think you're doing?- Excuse me, could you sit down, please.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19- I've been asked to do a speech. - It should be my speech. I'm Amanda Barnes.
0:27:19 > 0:27:20Would you leave, please?
0:27:20 > 0:27:22I'm not leaving MY course!
0:27:22 > 0:27:24- I don't know who you think you are...- Amanda Barnes.
0:27:24 > 0:27:29- She's not Amanda Barnes.- No, she's not Amanda Barnes, but she is.
0:27:29 > 0:27:30No, I'm Amanda Barnes.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33- Then who's she? - She's Mary Richards. Hi.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35She's not Mary Richards.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38- And you're not Amanda Barnes. - I never said I was!
0:27:38 > 0:27:40- Who are you?- Stevie Sutton!
0:27:40 > 0:27:42- And you are?- Amanda Barnes.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Well, then who...?
0:27:44 > 0:27:46I'll explain everything.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Just one quick question, before I do.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Are we on the ground floor?
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Yes.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55THUMP!
0:27:58 > 0:28:02- Hi!- Hi, Miranda!
0:28:02 > 0:28:03How was the flight?
0:28:03 > 0:28:06Oh, you must be exhausted.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08Jet lag with only four days...
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Thanks for that photo. Gorgeous beach!
0:28:10 > 0:28:13Yes. She looks like she's got the sun a bit.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15Can I just stop you? You all know.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17- What?- What? They know as well?
0:28:17 > 0:28:19- Wild times?- Well, eat your words.
0:28:19 > 0:28:25Because what's not wild about getting drunk, ordering an escort, breaking into the shop,
0:28:25 > 0:28:29making new friends, running a seminar and diving out of a window?
0:28:29 > 0:28:32Officially, a little bit crazy.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34- No, not Billy Joel.- Yeah!
0:28:34 > 0:28:36You'll all be up, it's a classic.
0:28:40 > 0:28:41# Uptown girl
0:28:41 > 0:28:45# She's been living in her uptown world
0:28:45 > 0:28:49# I'll bet she never had a backstreet guy... #
0:28:54 > 0:28:57Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:57 > 0:29:00E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk