Dog

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0:00:02 > 0:00:04Good evening. I'm all pumped today.

0:00:04 > 0:00:06You know when you're a bit kind of like...

0:00:08 > 0:00:09You know, kind of...

0:00:09 > 0:00:12life can be fun.

0:00:12 > 0:00:15Yeah?

0:00:15 > 0:00:18I'll stop, it's on the cusp of embarrassing, isn't it?

0:00:18 > 0:00:22Good word, cusp. Satisfying. Cusp!

0:00:22 > 0:00:25So, previously in my life.

0:00:25 > 0:00:28Stevie and I get in to one of our silly competitions.

0:00:28 > 0:00:29And...go!

0:00:35 > 0:00:37No stabbing, she stabbed a ball.

0:00:37 > 0:00:38Cheat.

0:00:40 > 0:00:44People constantly underestimate me because I like to have fun.

0:00:44 > 0:00:46Life's stressful enough. Fun it up.

0:00:51 > 0:00:54The "girls" always underestimate me.

0:00:54 > 0:00:57Mind you, the last time I was with them socially...

0:00:57 > 0:00:59A bit sweaty.

0:01:02 > 0:01:07Oh! The shirt, it's run off with the jumper like a whore.

0:01:07 > 0:01:11But listen up. I have bravely accepted their invitation to

0:01:11 > 0:01:16Henley Regatta on Saturday, so social elite here I come.

0:01:16 > 0:01:18Right, onwards with the show, my friends.

0:01:29 > 0:01:31Hello, my little friend.

0:01:31 > 0:01:33Hello, my enormous colleague.

0:01:35 > 0:01:37Nice. What's that?

0:01:37 > 0:01:40I found it over there on the floor. Someone must have dropped it.

0:01:40 > 0:01:43- Shouldn't we report it? - No, he'll come back.

0:01:43 > 0:01:46And I'll be waiting. You know, bad luck, losing his wallet.

0:01:46 > 0:01:50Good luck, meeting the bombshell that rescued it...me.

0:01:50 > 0:01:52You think it's some kind of "sign"?

0:01:52 > 0:01:54Please, that's such a load of rubbish.

0:01:54 > 0:01:55- Oh, hello!- Not bad, eh?

0:01:55 > 0:02:00Yeah. What's his name? Robert Husband?

0:02:00 > 0:02:02It's a sign.

0:02:04 > 0:02:06What else. Oh, he's got a dog.

0:02:06 > 0:02:10- I know.- Cute. Oh, self-defence classes.

0:02:10 > 0:02:14I know, if he's the teacher, fit, and if he just goes to the class,

0:02:14 > 0:02:16cutely vulnerable. Phwoar!

0:02:20 > 0:02:23Well, maybe he left it for me.

0:02:37 > 0:02:41No, I'm not being rude. But if someone's choosing between us,

0:02:41 > 0:02:45come on, they'll choose me. I'm not being rude, but you're just...

0:02:45 > 0:02:47you're a bit unusual.

0:02:47 > 0:02:51No, no, no, no! I'm not being rude,

0:02:51 > 0:02:55but you'd have to get to know you to find you attractive.

0:02:58 > 0:03:04Excuse me. Saying "I'm not being rude" before something rude doesn't make it not rude.

0:03:04 > 0:03:05Really?

0:03:05 > 0:03:07Yeah. Oh, feeling small?

0:03:13 > 0:03:17Well, let us not forget I am blessed with "the allure".

0:03:17 > 0:03:19Well, I could have "the allure".

0:03:19 > 0:03:22- No, you don't have the allure. - How do you know I don't?

0:03:22 > 0:03:26Because I have the allure and anyone with the allure can automatically identify its presence.

0:03:26 > 0:03:29Oh, well, that's very convenient of "the allure".

0:03:29 > 0:03:32Well, that's the nature of the allure.

0:03:32 > 0:03:34Well, at the most you have wiles.

0:03:34 > 0:03:37So, at the least I have wiles.

0:03:37 > 0:03:40- Do you even know what wiles are? - Yes. So if he comes back in,

0:03:40 > 0:03:43watch out for the wiles.

0:03:43 > 0:03:47- Well, don't take your focus off Gary. - Gary and I are just friends.

0:03:47 > 0:03:50You're just saying that because you want my focus off wallet guy.

0:03:50 > 0:03:54Well, I'm not being rude but you're an ugly bitch.

0:03:57 > 0:04:01It is game on, my little friend, it's game on.

0:04:01 > 0:04:02Oh, challenge excepted!

0:04:04 > 0:04:05BOTH: Fine.

0:04:05 > 0:04:10Right, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to have lunch with the girls to discuss Henley

0:04:10 > 0:04:13because that is what people with wiles do.

0:04:13 > 0:04:16Whatever they are. I've no idea!

0:04:18 > 0:04:21- Fanny, what are you having? - I don't know, Tilly, I don't know.

0:04:21 > 0:04:24- Queen Kong?- Oh, call me Miranda.

0:04:24 > 0:04:27Oh, what to go for? It's almost panic making.

0:04:27 > 0:04:29- Oh, just decide.- Gosh.

0:04:29 > 0:04:33Oh, would love a pizza, yum.

0:04:33 > 0:04:34Better not, tricolore salad please.

0:04:34 > 0:04:38Oh, dear. Adore a spag bol.

0:04:38 > 0:04:40Oh, no, be good, Fanny, be good.

0:04:40 > 0:04:43Um. The nicoise for me, please.

0:04:43 > 0:04:49Oh, dear lordy! Um... Well, oh, the lasagne, look at the lasagne.

0:04:49 > 0:04:52Just a lasagne, please, Clive.

0:04:52 > 0:04:55Certainly, Queen Kong.

0:04:55 > 0:04:57So, Henley?

0:04:57 > 0:05:00Yes, a pretty little plea, oh, ladio head.

0:05:00 > 0:05:06Can we for once, please, at a social occasione not reveal our breasts.

0:05:06 > 0:05:08"The chesticles."

0:05:08 > 0:05:10You're always half naked in public.

0:05:10 > 0:05:13You are Rafael Nude-al.

0:05:13 > 0:05:15I'm not always half naked in public.

0:05:15 > 0:05:18- The hockey final at St Wilfred's? - Well, I just forgot my kit.

0:05:18 > 0:05:21Why didn't the teacher sub me? It was really embarrassing.

0:05:21 > 0:05:23It defo can't happen at Henley.

0:05:23 > 0:05:26- Royalty present.- Yes, Kong, if any boom-boom flesh appears,

0:05:26 > 0:05:28I personally shall push you in the river.

0:05:28 > 0:05:30And fact, McFact, there are pike.

0:05:32 > 0:05:35So you're going to Henley. Why? You hate that sort of thing.

0:05:35 > 0:05:40Because for once, Gary, I want to be the woman who can manage a tricky social occasion.

0:05:42 > 0:05:46And she's chasing him with a pig's head on a stick back into the clubhouse.

0:05:48 > 0:05:51Can't believe he's died so suddenly.

0:05:51 > 0:05:54LAUGHING

0:05:54 > 0:05:57Thursday night there'll be a party that you can relax at.

0:05:57 > 0:05:59- Oh, yeah?- Yeah, celebration.

0:05:59 > 0:06:03- Of?- You know my friend that runs that restaurant in Hong Kong?

0:06:03 > 0:06:06He called me last night and he wants me to manage it.

0:06:06 > 0:06:08Wow!

0:06:08 > 0:06:12I fly out sort of late Thursday night and start Monday.

0:06:12 > 0:06:15Oh, Gary, that's brilliant! Congratulations.

0:06:15 > 0:06:19Yeah? I hope so, I hope so. I can still say no.

0:06:19 > 0:06:23You've got to go. It'll be amazing. Go! Isn't that great news, Clive?

0:06:23 > 0:06:28- I know.- Yeah. I mean, Thursday should be a good leaving party.

0:06:28 > 0:06:30Although there will be dancing, Miranda.

0:06:32 > 0:06:34I'm not that bad.

0:06:39 > 0:06:43- Hong Kong, great! - Are you honestly pleased?

0:06:43 > 0:06:46Of course not, Clive. That was just terrifyingly good acting.

0:06:48 > 0:06:53- Well, say something. He wants someone to persuade him to stay. He keeps wavering.- You persuade him.

0:06:53 > 0:06:56It won't mean the same. Tell him how you feel.

0:06:56 > 0:06:59- No, I can't do that. You do it. - I can't do it. You do it.- You do it.

0:06:59 > 0:07:03- You do it.- You do it.- You do it. - You do it.- You do it.- You do it.

0:07:03 > 0:07:08- Really, and then the horse just galloped off? That's funny.- What?

0:07:08 > 0:07:10Oh, hi, Gary.

0:07:10 > 0:07:14- Sorry, we were just talking about a horse.- Funny story.- Yeah.- Oh, yeah?

0:07:14 > 0:07:18- Oh, you tell it Clive.- No, you tell it.- No, you're a better story teller.

0:07:18 > 0:07:22Oh, come on. Don't put yourself down. We talked about this. Tell him!

0:07:22 > 0:07:25Well, there's this horse...

0:07:26 > 0:07:28..and it galloped off.

0:07:30 > 0:07:34Miranda has something to tell you about your trip.

0:07:38 > 0:07:40Well, it's, um...we were just...

0:07:43 > 0:07:47I've got this silly competition on with Stevie at the moment and need a favour before you go.

0:07:47 > 0:07:50Fancy a self-defence class tonight?

0:07:55 > 0:07:58Yeah, look. He had a card for this class in his wallet.

0:07:58 > 0:08:03He may not even come but if he tips up, I'll strike up a conversation, say he dropped his wallet.

0:08:03 > 0:08:05Seems a bit stalkery.

0:08:05 > 0:08:10- It's not stalking because I'm not interested, I just want to beat Stevie.- Right.

0:08:10 > 0:08:11OK, folks, let's gather.

0:08:11 > 0:08:15You're saved. He's not here. Let's go. ..Stevie?

0:08:15 > 0:08:18- Oh, hello?- Gary made me come.

0:08:20 > 0:08:22Yes, I...I did.

0:08:22 > 0:08:25I have been really scared walking home at night,

0:08:25 > 0:08:29and wanted to do self-defence but didn't want to come on my own...

0:08:29 > 0:08:32because I'd be really scared to...do it

0:08:32 > 0:08:33That's pathetic.

0:08:33 > 0:08:37- You?- Oh, I've always been into self-defence.

0:08:37 > 0:08:40- Been to loads of classes.- Really?

0:08:40 > 0:08:42- Yeah.- Do you? So we should...

0:08:42 > 0:08:44Sure, great, yeah.

0:08:44 > 0:08:46That's worked out fine.

0:08:46 > 0:08:50Right, tonight, self defence against a head lock.

0:08:50 > 0:08:52A volunteer?

0:08:52 > 0:08:54You.

0:08:57 > 0:09:01Come toward me and go for a right-arm head lock.

0:09:04 > 0:09:07Yo, give me the crack or I'll blow your face in.

0:09:09 > 0:09:11Sorry, I was just role playing.

0:09:11 > 0:09:14- Come toward me normally.- Normally.

0:09:14 > 0:09:17- Put me in a head lock.- Sure.

0:09:22 > 0:09:24I don't like it!

0:09:24 > 0:09:27Into pairs, please. Who wants to go with this?

0:09:27 > 0:09:31- Popular.- No, I think it's that you're perfect to practise on.

0:09:31 > 0:09:34You're more of a mugger than a muggee.

0:09:34 > 0:09:37If they can defeat you, they can defeat anything!

0:09:39 > 0:09:40Yeah?

0:09:40 > 0:09:43- Yeah! - Right, everyone can have a go.

0:09:49 > 0:09:50Oh, hi, Mum.

0:09:50 > 0:09:55Tilly's mother has just told me you are going to Henley Regatta?

0:09:55 > 0:09:58Tell no-one you're my daughter.

0:09:58 > 0:10:02You haven't been blessed by the goddess of socialising.

0:10:02 > 0:10:06- There isn't a goddess of socialising.- Then how do you explain Nigella Lawson?

0:10:06 > 0:10:09Now, I'm here to do "Mummy's social training".

0:10:09 > 0:10:12Oh, no, Mum. It's fine, honestly. I'm just going to be myself.

0:10:12 > 0:10:15Are you insane?!

0:10:15 > 0:10:18I can cope in these situations.

0:10:18 > 0:10:23And that is why we must tackle the Chinese human rights record.

0:10:23 > 0:10:24What do you think?

0:10:29 > 0:10:35I think, if my thighs are sweaty and I stand up, it sounds like I've done a fart.

0:10:35 > 0:10:37Right, first off.

0:10:37 > 0:10:40you will limit conversation to the fall in house prices,

0:10:40 > 0:10:44the problems of finding reliable workmen and gardening.

0:10:44 > 0:10:48If anyone starts to share an emotion, quickly interrupt them.

0:10:48 > 0:10:54"My Californian Poppy's coming on really well this year, despite the chalky soil."

0:10:54 > 0:10:59If in doubt, do the posh mumble. MUMBLES

0:10:59 > 0:11:04Oh, I just thought people were so posh I couldn't understand them.

0:11:04 > 0:11:07Now, the laugh. Top tip.

0:11:07 > 0:11:10Base the laugh on the song Barbie Girl by Aqua.

0:11:10 > 0:11:12# I'm a Barbie Girl

0:11:12 > 0:11:14# Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! #

0:11:14 > 0:11:16How do you know that song?

0:11:16 > 0:11:19Your father has a penchant for musical contraceptives.

0:11:22 > 0:11:27And while we're on that subject - men - very important to know your way around the bedroom.

0:11:27 > 0:11:29In case of a power cut?

0:11:29 > 0:11:33Remember, they want a mother in the kitchen and a hooker in the boudoir.

0:11:33 > 0:11:37Ooh, this is now in uncomfortable territory, and what I call unacceptable.

0:11:37 > 0:11:40As you say, one doesn't like to share an emotion,

0:11:40 > 0:11:45so my hydrangeas are looking good, aren't they? Not that I was as lucky with my workmen. Ha-ha-ha!

0:11:45 > 0:11:46Chicory scone?

0:11:46 > 0:11:49MUMBLES

0:11:51 > 0:11:55CONTINUES MUMBLING What fun.

0:11:58 > 0:12:00Where is Stevie?

0:12:10 > 0:12:13Oh, sorry I'm late, I had to go to the shops

0:12:13 > 0:12:18to get some cleansing wipes and some kitchen roll. ..Bed!

0:12:18 > 0:12:19Anything else?

0:12:19 > 0:12:22Oh, yes, and a Great Dane.

0:12:22 > 0:12:26"Oh, yes, and a Great Dane" is the explanation you're giving?

0:12:26 > 0:12:30Ah, wallet guy had a dog.

0:12:30 > 0:12:33Have you got that dog to impress?

0:12:33 > 0:12:35If I want a dog, it's my own business.

0:12:35 > 0:12:38Well, it's lucky you got a small one, so you could keep it to yourself.

0:12:38 > 0:12:42Put a saddle on that you could ride it.

0:12:42 > 0:12:45And all because of some guy you hardly know.

0:12:45 > 0:12:48You have taken this competition to a new level, my friend.

0:12:48 > 0:12:49Excuse me.

0:12:51 > 0:12:53BOTH: Wallet guy!

0:12:53 > 0:12:56Quick question. I didn't leave my wallet here yesterday, did I?

0:12:56 > 0:13:00- I believe you did.- Ah, that's such a relief. Thank you.

0:13:00 > 0:13:03- I can give it back. - No, I'll give it back.

0:13:03 > 0:13:07- I can give it back. - I can give it back.- No, I'll do it.

0:13:19 > 0:13:20There you go.

0:13:20 > 0:13:25Thanks a lot. Should I be giving you a reward or...?

0:13:25 > 0:13:26BOTH: Dinner?

0:13:27 > 0:13:29He thinks it's a joke.

0:13:29 > 0:13:36- But just out of interest, if you had to take one of us out to dinner who would...?- Who would it be?

0:13:36 > 0:13:41Oh, er, well, it's a nice position to be in, um...

0:13:41 > 0:13:43That would be later, Robert.

0:13:52 > 0:13:55You had me at hello.

0:13:55 > 0:13:57I didn't say hello.

0:13:57 > 0:14:01Right, listen, Robbie, Robert,

0:14:01 > 0:14:04The Robmeister, just Rob.

0:14:04 > 0:14:08"Why don't you step into my parlour?" said the spider to the fly.

0:14:08 > 0:14:13Not in that you're a nuisance and my body is covered in thick, fibrous hairs.

0:14:13 > 0:14:17Nor do I have glands in my buttocks that spin yards of silk.

0:14:20 > 0:14:23Listen, ladies. This has been...

0:14:23 > 0:14:25- yeah, but I'd better... - Before you go...

0:14:25 > 0:14:28just for us, you won't offend, who would you have chosen?

0:14:28 > 0:14:31Oh. I feel bad.

0:14:31 > 0:14:35Um, but, well...

0:14:35 > 0:14:38Oh, wow, what an amazing dog!

0:14:38 > 0:14:41- I've got a boxer.- Really?

0:14:41 > 0:14:43- What's his name?- Um...

0:14:43 > 0:14:49Oh...it's Robert, Robert, which is a really weird connection.

0:14:49 > 0:14:52It's nice to meet you, Robert. Thanks again for the wallet.

0:14:52 > 0:14:56- Er, might see you in the park. OK, bye.- Bye.- Bye.

0:14:56 > 0:14:58Bye.

0:14:58 > 0:15:00You knew you weren't winning that.

0:15:00 > 0:15:04You knew the allure wasn't working, he was about to pick me.

0:15:04 > 0:15:09That is why you got your dog out. I am very glad that's not a euphemism.

0:15:10 > 0:15:13This...this ain't over, my friend.

0:15:15 > 0:15:18- What are you doing here? - I am walking my dog.

0:15:18 > 0:15:20- You don't have a dog.- I do.

0:15:20 > 0:15:23- Where is it?- Where's it gone?

0:15:25 > 0:15:28Introducing Titan.

0:15:28 > 0:15:30"Hello to you."

0:15:30 > 0:15:34- Well, I'm here to walk my dog, which being a big dog.- Massive. - Massive dog.

0:15:34 > 0:15:37Makes you look like a Borrower.

0:15:37 > 0:15:40- Carry on. - It needs a lot of exercise. So I'll have to be in the park a lot.

0:15:40 > 0:15:43Well, that's the funny thing about Chihuahuas.

0:15:43 > 0:15:45I like to pronounce it properly

0:15:45 > 0:15:48They need loads of fresh air. So I'll have to be in the park a lot too.

0:15:48 > 0:15:52- Ah, wow.- No, it's not Paris Hilton.

0:15:52 > 0:15:55Well, might have been confused.

0:15:55 > 0:15:59Cute dog. Hey guys, look at this.

0:15:59 > 0:16:01- Hello, little one.- Hello to you.

0:16:08 > 0:16:10Oh, I just don't get that look.

0:16:10 > 0:16:14I know, it's meant to be a waist band, not a bottom band.

0:16:14 > 0:16:15Waist band.

0:16:15 > 0:16:17- I'm going in.- Really?

0:16:17 > 0:16:20Well, I'm going to have to. Excuse me.

0:16:20 > 0:16:24Look, no-one wants to see your pants.

0:16:24 > 0:16:27- I'm sorry, can you pull your trousers up!- Oi!

0:16:27 > 0:16:31- I don't want to see your pants, or your bottom!- Oi, get off!

0:16:33 > 0:16:37- Mugger. She's mugging us for our trousers.- I was not mugging.

0:16:38 > 0:16:41- It's not funny. - I wasn't laughing, Titan was.

0:16:41 > 0:16:43He probably isn't coming, is he?

0:16:43 > 0:16:44No.

0:16:46 > 0:16:51- I suppose one of us should get back to the shop.- Hm. Well, it's not going to be me.

0:16:51 > 0:16:54- You're the manager. - So sack me. It's not going to be me.

0:16:54 > 0:16:58- It's not going to be me. - Well, you're the manager. It's not going to be me.

0:16:58 > 0:17:00So sack me. It's not going to be me.

0:17:00 > 0:17:02They're locking the park.

0:17:03 > 0:17:04Come on!

0:17:04 > 0:17:08- Come On!- Well, I can't go that fast.

0:17:08 > 0:17:10One of us has very little legs.

0:17:13 > 0:17:14It's locked.

0:17:14 > 0:17:17Oh, great! So we're locked in, in an outside space.

0:17:17 > 0:17:20I'm slightly claustrophobic and agoraphobic.

0:17:20 > 0:17:22Oh, hello, worst nightmare.

0:17:22 > 0:17:25- Oh, don't worry. There's a gap. - Thank god.

0:17:29 > 0:17:31Great.

0:17:31 > 0:17:32Oh.

0:17:32 > 0:17:35I can't fit!

0:17:35 > 0:17:38- GIGGLES - It's not funny.

0:17:38 > 0:17:43No. Um, shall I take the dogs and I'll get some help.

0:17:43 > 0:17:46- Yeah. It's still not funny. - Don't go anywhere.

0:17:46 > 0:17:47Oh, it's hilarious.

0:18:08 > 0:18:09Miranda?

0:18:09 > 0:18:10Good evening.

0:18:12 > 0:18:13Good evening.

0:18:13 > 0:18:16Do...do... do you want some help?

0:18:16 > 0:18:20No, no, no, I'm fine. This is planned.

0:18:20 > 0:18:21I was thinking...

0:18:21 > 0:18:24what would this gate look like,

0:18:24 > 0:18:29with a bust of me on the side of it, like the prow of a ship?

0:18:29 > 0:18:32I think it would look good.

0:18:32 > 0:18:34Nay, excellent!

0:18:36 > 0:18:38Oh, no, the girls.

0:18:38 > 0:18:40- GIGGLING - No, cos...

0:18:40 > 0:18:42OK, don't worry, I'll just try and...

0:18:43 > 0:18:45Oh, hola, Gary.

0:18:45 > 0:18:48Hi! Hi, girls.

0:18:48 > 0:18:52- You all right?- Yeah, yeah, just, er...

0:18:52 > 0:18:54enjoying the gates.

0:18:54 > 0:19:00What's all this going away business? We'll miss you actually.

0:19:00 > 0:19:02Oh, thank you. That's really sweet.

0:19:02 > 0:19:06Miranda's going to be devastated. No more comfort food!

0:19:07 > 0:19:11She is Tarzan of the Cakes and she's quite proud of it as well.

0:19:11 > 0:19:15She's probably half naked in public somewhere as we speak.

0:19:15 > 0:19:17I severely doubt that.

0:19:17 > 0:19:20- Ciao!- Bye.

0:19:24 > 0:19:28- Thanks.- Yeah, that was close. You nearly missed out on Henners there.

0:19:28 > 0:19:30Right, shall we get you out of here.

0:19:30 > 0:19:32Yes, please.

0:19:32 > 0:19:33Um...

0:19:33 > 0:19:35That was majestic.

0:19:37 > 0:19:39Oh, well, thanks for the help!

0:19:39 > 0:19:43- I've only just got here. I had to take Robert home.- Truce?

0:19:44 > 0:19:47- Truce.- Take the dogs back tomorrow.

0:19:47 > 0:19:50- Yeah.- Oh, little one. There you go, down there.

0:19:50 > 0:19:52Are you really into wallet guy?

0:19:52 > 0:19:53No, not really.

0:19:53 > 0:19:55Just worried I'd lost my allure.

0:19:55 > 0:19:58- Oh, you could never lose your allure.- Oh, that's really sweet.

0:19:58 > 0:20:01Yeah. Don't touch me though.

0:20:01 > 0:20:03Are you into wallet guy?

0:20:03 > 0:20:06No, not really. I just wanted to prove I could be found attractive.

0:20:11 > 0:20:13Right. I'll get going.

0:20:13 > 0:20:16Sorry, you have to compliment back, them's the rules.

0:20:16 > 0:20:19Oh, oh, sorry. You look great!

0:20:19 > 0:20:20Futile now.

0:20:20 > 0:20:22Do I? Gone.

0:20:24 > 0:20:25Right, here's the thing.

0:20:25 > 0:20:29Since Gary was majestic in the park, I've decided I'm going to brave it.

0:20:29 > 0:20:31Say something. Stop him from leaving.

0:20:31 > 0:20:35Clive's right. I'll only regret it if I don't say how I feel.

0:20:35 > 0:20:38So I'm going to pen the perfect romantic speech.

0:20:38 > 0:20:40I know, it's exciting!

0:20:41 > 0:20:43Let's just check the words.

0:20:44 > 0:20:47"Sorry I haven't said I'll miss you." OK.

0:20:47 > 0:20:48Right.

0:20:50 > 0:20:51OK, here goes.

0:20:59 > 0:21:04Gary, hi, um...I've got something I need to say.

0:21:05 > 0:21:07Yeah?

0:21:07 > 0:21:11I'm sorry that I haven't said that I'll miss you. It's just, if I do,

0:21:11 > 0:21:17I'd make a fool of myself because I'd say that I'll miss coming in to the restaurant every morning.

0:21:17 > 0:21:20Not because of the cakes, although they do have a strong bearing,

0:21:20 > 0:21:25but because my heart skips a beat every time I see you.

0:21:25 > 0:21:32And I'd say I'll miss you because you're the one person I can be myself with

0:21:32 > 0:21:37and underneath all the fear, you're the only person I could consider a relationship with,

0:21:37 > 0:21:40because...I love you.

0:21:40 > 0:21:45And that's why it's best that I don't say anything.

0:21:45 > 0:21:48Yeah, that's probably best.

0:21:48 > 0:21:54Because I'd say that's what I've been wanting to hear for ages.

0:21:54 > 0:22:00And I'd turn down Hong Kong and say

0:22:00 > 0:22:02let's give us a go.

0:22:09 > 0:22:11Oh, sorry.

0:22:12 > 0:22:14Right, here goes.

0:22:20 > 0:22:25Hi, Gary. I've got something I need to say.

0:22:26 > 0:22:29- Yeah?- I'm sorry I haven't said...

0:22:29 > 0:22:33Oh, wow, cute dog! Is that yours?

0:22:33 > 0:22:34Yeah, yes.

0:22:34 > 0:22:36Mm, it's Titan. Yes.

0:22:36 > 0:22:39Listen, I'm sorry I haven't said...

0:22:39 > 0:22:42- Hello! You are very sweet. - ..that I'll miss you, but if I do.

0:22:42 > 0:22:45- I'd make a fool of myself because... - Why are you shaking, Titan?

0:22:45 > 0:22:48Oh, who's this?

0:22:48 > 0:22:51Titan. Dog. Cute. Mine. Trying to...

0:22:51 > 0:22:54- Ohh!- Be careful, be careful...

0:22:54 > 0:22:56Gary, Gary, listen.

0:22:56 > 0:23:00I'd be a fool to say... No, hang on, hang on. Sorry..

0:23:00 > 0:23:01Yes.

0:23:05 > 0:23:06Hello. Anyone?

0:23:07 > 0:23:10There's a fire!

0:23:10 > 0:23:11It's definitely about the dog.

0:23:11 > 0:23:14I am a huge fan of genocide.

0:23:15 > 0:23:20# Ging gang goolie goolie goolie goolie watch ya ging gang goo, ging gang... #

0:23:20 > 0:23:22It's quite liberating, actually.

0:23:24 > 0:23:27I have a urinary tract infection.

0:23:29 > 0:23:34Why then? I mean, of all things to say. I don't.

0:23:34 > 0:23:36I don't.

0:23:36 > 0:23:39- Gary, I was just trying to get your attention.- Sorry.

0:23:39 > 0:23:43Listen, I'm sorry I haven't said anything...

0:23:43 > 0:23:47No, I'm saying go to Hong Kong because yes, there are the cakes

0:23:47 > 0:23:50whose hearts will skip a beat every time they look at your face.

0:23:52 > 0:23:54What I'm saying is...

0:23:54 > 0:24:00It's great news, Gary, and I can't wait to hear all about it.

0:24:00 > 0:24:03Ok. A hearty good afternoon to you.

0:24:03 > 0:24:06Um, thanks, Clive.

0:24:08 > 0:24:11Oh, it feels empty without the dogs.

0:24:11 > 0:24:14Yeah, I know. Are you OK about Gary?

0:24:14 > 0:24:16Do you know, I think I'm relieved he's going.

0:24:16 > 0:24:19I'm exhausted with the whole thing, I want a break.

0:24:19 > 0:24:21And who knows who I might meet at Henley.

0:24:21 > 0:24:24And we'll have fun at his farewell party tomorrow.

0:24:24 > 0:24:28Oh, slow dance pact? If the music goes slow I'll invariably be on the outside with no partner.

0:24:28 > 0:24:31So, please ask the DJ to change the music.

0:24:31 > 0:24:35It's not a school disco, but, yeah, deal. Can you just hold this for me?

0:24:35 > 0:24:39- I'm going to the loo. - Oh, quickly. I need to finish my sea-themed display.

0:24:39 > 0:24:44Hurry up, it won't look good, me doing a wee dance in front of customers.

0:24:44 > 0:24:45Oh, hi. Oh, you're busy.

0:24:45 > 0:24:49I was heading to the park if you want to join... Tigger, come back, boy.

0:24:49 > 0:24:53Don't worry, I'll leave you to it. Maybe another time.

0:25:06 > 0:25:08Ooh, you!

0:25:09 > 0:25:11Titan, come here, boy.

0:25:18 > 0:25:19Ooh, you!

0:25:19 > 0:25:20Yeah!

0:25:25 > 0:25:27Where did he go?

0:25:27 > 0:25:28Oh, I really need the loo now.

0:25:28 > 0:25:33Why does the bladder tell your body to you look like an idiot when you need a wee.

0:25:33 > 0:25:36I'm going to have to go in the bushes.

0:25:36 > 0:25:39- What?!- I can't meet Wallet Guy looking like this, can I?

0:25:39 > 0:25:41Oh, oh!

0:25:44 > 0:25:47Seriously now, I'm not going to make it!

0:25:52 > 0:25:53Tigger!

0:25:53 > 0:25:55Where've you gone?

0:25:55 > 0:25:59- Robert, hi. - Oh, hi there. You made it!

0:25:59 > 0:26:02Tigger! Sorry, I've lost my dog.

0:26:02 > 0:26:06- BARKING - Get off! No, help!

0:26:08 > 0:26:10Actually, leave me! Go...

0:26:14 > 0:26:16Hi.

0:26:16 > 0:26:21Robert, quick question, to finish our game if you remember.

0:26:21 > 0:26:26If you had to choose one of us right now, to ask out, who would it be?

0:26:27 > 0:26:29Now? Oh, OK, er...

0:26:29 > 0:26:32I must admit you have the edge. Sorry.

0:26:32 > 0:26:34(Yes! Get in!)

0:26:34 > 0:26:37Would you like to go for a drink or something?

0:26:37 > 0:26:39No.

0:26:39 > 0:26:42Urgh, men! Always presuming we'd be interested?

0:26:42 > 0:26:46- Unbelievable.- Unbelievable!- Where did that come from?- Don't know.

0:26:48 > 0:26:53- Actually, Robert...can I just...? Robert!- That's sick making, actually.

0:26:55 > 0:26:59- Oh, no!- Rafael Nude-al.- No, before you say I can't come to Henley...

0:26:59 > 0:27:04- You're not coming to Henners. - I said, before you say that, I don't want come to Henley.

0:27:04 > 0:27:07You say boarding school is a life-long tie,

0:27:07 > 0:27:09well, I cut those ties now.

0:27:09 > 0:27:13And also I don't want to be friends with someone who jogs.

0:27:13 > 0:27:15Go and have a burger!

0:27:15 > 0:27:18And for the record, I'm not half naked in public,

0:27:18 > 0:27:22I'm actually hanging out with my homies. Yeah!

0:27:22 > 0:27:24Let's go mug some people.

0:27:24 > 0:27:28Yeah! High five! High five!

0:27:29 > 0:27:33- Are you having fun? - Yeah, yeah.

0:27:33 > 0:27:36- Then I remember I'm going.- Oh.

0:27:36 > 0:27:39Come on, I'll risk it, let's have a dance.

0:27:39 > 0:27:43- You know you want to.- OK.

0:27:44 > 0:27:46- SLOW MUSIC STARTS - Oh!

0:27:46 > 0:27:51No, I don't usually stay on the dance floor at the excruciating music change.

0:27:51 > 0:27:56Miranda, there have been so many times you've run off when I want to dance with you.

0:27:56 > 0:27:58Stop thinking people don't find you attractive.

0:27:58 > 0:28:00- I'll try. - Because, you know, they do.

0:28:00 > 0:28:02they do find you attractive.

0:28:02 > 0:28:07Oh, can you just...can you just hold that thought, please?

0:28:07 > 0:28:09I want to talk to you.

0:28:09 > 0:28:11No, no, I want to talk to you, Gary.

0:28:11 > 0:28:14- MOUTHS - Listen, Miranda, people...

0:28:14 > 0:28:16- they waver about you... - CONGA PLAYS

0:28:20 > 0:28:24Got your back, my friend. Did I do well? A star to Stevie?

0:28:24 > 0:28:28- You did great.- Come on.

0:28:29 > 0:28:31BUZZING

0:28:36 > 0:28:37Mortifying.

0:28:54 > 0:28:57# What have you done today

0:28:57 > 0:29:00# To make you feel proud?

0:29:00 > 0:29:04# Cos you're never too late to try

0:29:04 > 0:29:10# What have you done today to make you feel proud?

0:29:13 > 0:29:17# You could be so many people

0:29:17 > 0:29:22# If you make that break for freedom

0:29:22 > 0:29:27# What have you done today to make you feel proud?

0:29:27 > 0:29:30# Yeah, we need a change, yeah

0:29:30 > 0:29:33# Do it today, yeah

0:29:33 > 0:29:36# I can feel my spirit rising... #