The New Me

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0:00:02 > 0:00:04Well, hello to you, my old chums.

0:00:04 > 0:00:07What a veritable thrill to see you all again. Particularly you, cheeky!

0:00:07 > 0:00:09Let me get you up to speed.

0:00:09 > 0:00:14Previously in my life, the gorgeous Gary upped his sticks to Hong Kong.

0:00:14 > 0:00:19Which I've been fine about. I mean, I don't think it's weird making fruit friends.

0:00:20 > 0:00:23Things only ever went wrong when I was with Gary anyway.

0:00:24 > 0:00:27- This is the place, come on!- Woo-hoo!

0:00:27 > 0:00:29Ooh, it looks great!

0:00:36 > 0:00:39Say nothing. Shush, please.

0:00:39 > 0:00:41No, I'm fine.

0:00:41 > 0:00:45Tired, but that's because I've been sleeping on a lilo because my bed broke. Too much action!

0:00:45 > 0:00:47MUSIC: "Reach For The Stars" by S Club 7

0:00:54 > 0:00:58And if I have been down, I definitely turned a corner last night.

0:01:01 > 0:01:05SHE SINGS DRUNKENLY # Is there any way that I can say

0:01:05 > 0:01:08# That you're... SHE SCREECHES

0:01:09 > 0:01:15It's too high, Daniel, and it's unnaturally high for a man.

0:01:15 > 0:01:17Right, let's jolly on with the show.

0:01:29 > 0:01:31- Hello, Stevie.- Oh, dear.

0:01:33 > 0:01:36Oh, your new stock keeps bringing in these posh girls.

0:01:36 > 0:01:41- Are you disparaging Stevie's boutique corner?- No...maybe.

0:01:41 > 0:01:43I don't know what disparaging means.

0:01:43 > 0:01:45- Mocking.- Oh, then yes.

0:01:45 > 0:01:52"Yah, I'm going to see Hugo, Wills, Milly, Billy and Bella so need a new trinkety necklace."

0:01:53 > 0:01:55Hello.

0:01:55 > 0:01:56Are you making fun of me?

0:01:56 > 0:01:58No, no, what do you mean?

0:01:58 > 0:02:00This is how I speak.

0:02:00 > 0:02:03So, do you need any help?

0:02:03 > 0:02:06It's quite tricky.

0:02:06 > 0:02:08Anything you'd like to try on?

0:02:08 > 0:02:11No, fine, thanks.

0:02:12 > 0:02:15Have you looked in the mirror recently?

0:02:15 > 0:02:18Come on, you've got to get your act together, Miranda. Stop wallowing.

0:02:18 > 0:02:22- I have stopped wallowing. I've told you, I've moved on.- Good.

0:02:22 > 0:02:26So you won't want to see Gary's postcard that came this morning.

0:02:26 > 0:02:31A lovely postcard written in Gary's lovely, fair hand.

0:02:33 > 0:02:38- Oh, dear! Do you concede? - Yes, I concede.- Thank you.

0:02:38 > 0:02:41"Hey, really enjoying life out here so far.

0:02:41 > 0:02:45"Plans all a bit up in the air. Thinking of you all. Love G."

0:02:45 > 0:02:50That's it? After three months he sends me that?

0:02:50 > 0:02:51Right, well, forget him. Seriously.

0:02:51 > 0:02:55- Good girly. - I will move on. I will be a new me.

0:02:55 > 0:02:57Get fit, lose weight.

0:02:57 > 0:02:59A new me shall reigneth.

0:02:59 > 0:03:04Like a phoenix emerging from the ashes of my old life and flapping off.

0:03:04 > 0:03:07Behold! I am woman. And Phoenix. Both.

0:03:07 > 0:03:09But not in a mutanty way.

0:03:09 > 0:03:13And yes, I have indeed lost my train of thought.

0:03:13 > 0:03:14Oh, no, it's Tilly.

0:03:14 > 0:03:20Buongiorno peeps. Ugh, Stevie, looks like there's a tramp in the shop.

0:03:20 > 0:03:24Where? Oh, the tramp is me.

0:03:24 > 0:03:27You have majorly let yourself go. Slackarooni cheese.

0:03:27 > 0:03:31So, Queen Kong, I bring good tidings of great joy.

0:03:31 > 0:03:36Stinky Von Tusse is in town and she wants to luncheonate at the new Sushi place. Will you come?

0:03:36 > 0:03:39It's going to be tremendulent.

0:03:39 > 0:03:43Stinky was the most brillo head girl ever.

0:03:43 > 0:03:46Once...do you remember?

0:03:47 > 0:03:50She Immacked a squirrel!

0:03:51 > 0:03:54It was the funniest thing.

0:03:54 > 0:03:55You'll come, you'll come?

0:03:55 > 0:03:59No hush, no hush, no hush, no hush up, you have to come.

0:03:59 > 0:04:02So I don't look the saddo in front of Stinkles. Yes!

0:04:02 > 0:04:06OK, I am now going to power walk back to the orifice.

0:04:06 > 0:04:09Cha, cha cha, cha cha, kerpow!

0:04:09 > 0:04:14You've got to be more assertive, Miranda. What about the new you?

0:04:14 > 0:04:16She'll start on Monday.

0:04:16 > 0:04:20Don't judge me with your little eyes, I've been very depressed.

0:04:20 > 0:04:23(SHE SOBS) I've been very depressed!

0:04:24 > 0:04:26Look at the state of me.

0:04:26 > 0:04:30Watching telly all day with friends made of fruit.

0:04:30 > 0:04:31Are you enjoying it, Gordon?

0:04:34 > 0:04:38I look like a tramp. I've got to go to Tilly's lunch, Gary's gone.

0:04:39 > 0:04:41I suppose it couldn't get worse.

0:04:41 > 0:04:45Darling, I've left your father and I'm coming to live with you.

0:04:46 > 0:04:48Oh, Mum. Not again?

0:04:48 > 0:04:53He's bound to crawl back tomorrow. It's nude fondue night.

0:04:54 > 0:04:58Don't worry, darling, you won't even notice I'm here.

0:04:58 > 0:05:01Guaranteed I'll be so irritated I'll have to leave in under 30 seconds.

0:05:01 > 0:05:04Set your watches... go.

0:05:04 > 0:05:06- Have you been cutting your own hair? - Three seconds, already annoyed.

0:05:06 > 0:05:12And look at all this. You should have a bath, then get some air,

0:05:12 > 0:05:15have a lovely what I call walk.

0:05:15 > 0:05:17It IS a walk.

0:05:17 > 0:05:20- Mum...- Sorry, won't interfere.

0:05:20 > 0:05:23- If she calls the remote controls a silly name...- You'll have to show me how to work these.

0:05:23 > 0:05:30- Who needs three doobries?- Right! That's it. Why's it so annoying? 20 seconds.

0:05:30 > 0:05:32Doobries!

0:05:34 > 0:05:39So, forget Monday, look, I'm starting now.

0:05:39 > 0:05:40Are you ready to speak to Heather?

0:05:40 > 0:05:46- Please go ahead.- What have you done today to make you feel proud?

0:05:47 > 0:05:49- Heather, Miss Heather Small, hello to you.- Hello.

0:05:49 > 0:05:53Today I have begun the new me.

0:05:53 > 0:05:55Mum and Tilly won't know what's hit them.

0:05:55 > 0:05:58I'm going to be the kind of woman who

0:05:58 > 0:06:02leaps out of bed and just does that, and their hair looks perfect.

0:06:02 > 0:06:07They then grab a home made muffin out of their Cath Kidston polka dot biscuit tin

0:06:07 > 0:06:14and head to work, wearing trainers at the bottom of a skirt suit to show off they've power walked in.

0:06:14 > 0:06:16They have pot plants that don't die on them.

0:06:16 > 0:06:22Their fruit bowl isn't full of three-week-old rotting pears because they actually eat the fruit.

0:06:22 > 0:06:25They have day bags, evening bags and a clutch.

0:06:25 > 0:06:29They just grab a wheatgerm smoothie in between work because that's enough

0:06:29 > 0:06:34to keep them going, even though at lunch they jogged, and enjoyed it,

0:06:34 > 0:06:39because they don't have flesh that moves independently to their main frame.

0:06:39 > 0:06:43And finally, they have easy access to pens to finish a crossword

0:06:43 > 0:06:48at a bar where the man they decided to take as a lover the night before

0:06:48 > 0:06:51says to them, "Hey, last night was great."

0:06:51 > 0:06:53You know, I'll be that kind of woman.

0:06:53 > 0:06:57- Yeah, good luck with that. - Darling, I'm doing a whites wash,

0:06:57 > 0:07:00if your pants are dirty, pop them off, I'll pop them in.

0:07:04 > 0:07:08Right, well, that's not the best of starts.

0:07:08 > 0:07:12She'll have to go, but don't worry, the new me shall still reigneth.

0:07:12 > 0:07:15Look at her forming before your very eyes.

0:07:15 > 0:07:23Now excuse me, I'm off to have sushi with Tilly and Stinky and my new trinkety necklace.

0:07:23 > 0:07:26A cha cha cha, a cha ch cha.

0:07:26 > 0:07:29A cha cha cha. Ooh yeah!

0:07:32 > 0:07:34POSH ACCENT: Eight down.

0:07:34 > 0:07:37"Remove vehicles, reversing at back of depot."

0:07:37 > 0:07:40Oh, well that could be van...lorry.

0:07:40 > 0:07:44Hang on, I know this. I can so get this.

0:07:44 > 0:07:48- It's...- Sub-tract, of course. - Of course, of course.

0:07:48 > 0:07:51Right, let's eat. It all looks edible von guzzlebucket.

0:07:51 > 0:07:55- I'm starvington stations. - Yup, Hungelos McMungelos.

0:08:20 > 0:08:23Stinky, do you remember the time that I got locked in the boot...

0:08:26 > 0:08:29- PHONE RINGS - I'm sorry. Bear with, bear with, bear with...

0:08:29 > 0:08:31Oh, fabulasmic.

0:08:31 > 0:08:35VIP invite to scoffulate dans la cite.

0:08:35 > 0:08:40- So, Queen Kong, what news with you? - Just focusing on my business.

0:08:40 > 0:08:45We do trinkets and nicknaks now.

0:08:45 > 0:08:47This is one of ours.

0:08:47 > 0:08:50Gorge, and are we lucksville in love?

0:08:52 > 0:08:57Actually, I did get a postcard from an old beau, Gary, this morning.

0:08:57 > 0:08:59PHONE RINGS

0:08:59 > 0:09:01Oh, bear with, bear with, bear with...

0:09:06 > 0:09:10"Call now for a new tariff breakdown."

0:09:10 > 0:09:11Oh, dear.

0:09:11 > 0:09:15Sounds like you've lost him to his travels.

0:09:15 > 0:09:18That's fine, because I'm totally... can I have it back? I'm so over him.

0:09:18 > 0:09:21- You're so not over him.- I am. - She's so not over him.

0:09:21 > 0:09:24I am. I'm a whole new me.

0:09:24 > 0:09:25Oh, no! I'm stuck.

0:09:30 > 0:09:32Sorry, sorry.

0:09:36 > 0:09:39- Just undo it at the back.- I can't. I'm so sorry, sorry.

0:09:46 > 0:09:49Excuse me, I'm going to actually have to mount your travelator.

0:09:49 > 0:09:51Oh, Queen Kong, you're such a dweeb.

0:09:52 > 0:09:54Hello, afternoon.

0:09:54 > 0:09:56I've unhooked.

0:09:56 > 0:09:59Sorry about this, sorry, sorry.

0:09:59 > 0:10:03I'll just finish the circuit. Saves walking.

0:10:03 > 0:10:08- Utterly mortifying. - Sorry about that. Can I...? Whilst I'm here.

0:10:09 > 0:10:11Hello again.

0:10:11 > 0:10:12Right, where were we?

0:10:12 > 0:10:15- Leaving.- Quick.

0:10:17 > 0:10:22I could wolf a gateau but just a peppermint tea for me.

0:10:22 > 0:10:26Yah, I could scoffulate a puddington but just a skinny cap, please.

0:10:26 > 0:10:33I could inhale a mealy vanilly but, um...

0:10:34 > 0:10:37just a crumble, please.

0:10:37 > 0:10:39You still feeling bad about Gary?

0:10:39 > 0:10:41Can people stop asking me that? I'm fine.

0:10:41 > 0:10:44Good cos there's a new chef arriving any minute.

0:10:44 > 0:10:46- I was going to tell you.- Really?

0:10:46 > 0:10:48Well, d'you know, that's good.

0:10:48 > 0:10:51Now I know Gary's not coming back.

0:10:51 > 0:10:56Good, gone are the days where I pathetically make an idiot of myself over some hunky chef.

0:10:56 > 0:10:57That must be him.

0:10:58 > 0:11:01MUSIC: Main Theme from Top Gun

0:11:14 > 0:11:17- Clive, can you switch that music off? - Sorry.

0:11:17 > 0:11:21- Hi. Clive, is it? - Yes, nice to meet you at last.

0:11:21 > 0:11:24- Girls.- Hola.

0:11:24 > 0:11:26Hello.

0:11:26 > 0:11:28Why am I curtseying?

0:11:29 > 0:11:31I've just got to keep going now.

0:11:32 > 0:11:34How do you do?

0:11:37 > 0:11:39SHE FARTS

0:11:42 > 0:11:44Sorry.

0:11:45 > 0:11:47Sorry. That was my dog.

0:11:47 > 0:11:49- What was?- That noise.

0:11:49 > 0:11:51- I thought that was a chair scraping. - It was.

0:11:51 > 0:11:53Then what was your dog?

0:11:53 > 0:11:55I don't have a dog.

0:11:55 > 0:12:00- You said the noise was your dog. - It might have been YOUR dog.

0:12:00 > 0:12:03- I don't have a dog. - Well, stop saying you do.

0:12:05 > 0:12:09Right, so everyone, this is Danny.

0:12:09 > 0:12:12# I got chills, they're multiplying

0:12:12 > 0:12:15# And I'm losing control. #

0:12:15 > 0:12:20I always get Danny from Grease with the bike leathers, the accent.

0:12:20 > 0:12:22# You better shape up

0:12:22 > 0:12:24# Cos I need a man

0:12:24 > 0:12:27# And my heart is set on you

0:12:29 > 0:12:31# You're the one that I want, You're the one I want... #

0:12:31 > 0:12:33We've stopped.

0:12:33 > 0:12:36# The one I need, oh, yes, indeed. #

0:12:36 > 0:12:41Sorry, it's a weirdly hard tune to stop. # You're the one that I want... I'm off again.

0:12:41 > 0:12:44# Oo-oo-ooh, honey. #

0:12:44 > 0:12:46Look, there's a thing...

0:12:50 > 0:12:55Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie.

0:12:55 > 0:12:58- I'm with much news, which I shall now birth. - Ready to receive, caller.

0:12:58 > 0:13:03A new chef has arrived at the restaurant who you could happily compare to some kind of god,

0:13:03 > 0:13:08and he would be very much in the running for the new me to take as her lover.

0:13:08 > 0:13:11But the new me is currently worse than the old me.

0:13:11 > 0:13:13- This is not possible. - I farted in front of him,

0:13:13 > 0:13:16blamed it on an imaginary dog and sung in his face.

0:13:18 > 0:13:19I give up.

0:13:19 > 0:13:23- Maybe you should try that life coach again.- No, thanks.

0:13:24 > 0:13:28Imagine your anxieties filling the balloon.

0:13:33 > 0:13:37My anxieties are everywhere. Save yourselves!

0:13:37 > 0:13:43Right, I'm going to start a spring clean, even though it is what I call, November.

0:13:43 > 0:13:50- And are you getting a new bed? We can't both sleep on the lilo. - Maybe one of us should leave.

0:13:50 > 0:13:55Where would you go? Don't worry, if nude fondue doesn't make your father want me back

0:13:55 > 0:13:58then he'll be desperate for my kinky quiche.

0:13:59 > 0:14:01Do you want me to get you a bed?

0:14:01 > 0:14:04No, I'll get my own bed, thank you.

0:14:04 > 0:14:07- Don't forget your keys.- I'm not six!

0:14:12 > 0:14:13I forgot my keys!

0:14:16 > 0:14:20Don't panic, we'll force her out, what does she hate?

0:14:20 > 0:14:23I don't know. I'm too depressed to think straight.

0:14:23 > 0:14:28Ghosts, she hates ghosts. But how could that work?

0:14:28 > 0:14:31Don't worry about me. I'll just be fine,

0:14:31 > 0:14:32I'll just...

0:14:35 > 0:14:37Yeah, this is nice.

0:14:38 > 0:14:44- If you like the bed, there's an offer, free duvet... It's 15 tog.- Tog.

0:14:44 > 0:14:46It's a funny word, isn't it?

0:14:46 > 0:14:48Yes, suppose it is.

0:14:51 > 0:14:54Oh, those look fun.

0:14:54 > 0:15:00- All you'd need would be a ball pool to land in for mornings to be a total joy.- Ball pool!

0:15:04 > 0:15:08- Yeah, they're great for kids. - Yes, I wasn't thinking for me.

0:15:08 > 0:15:10I was, I was.

0:15:10 > 0:15:13- This is a nice one.- Try it.

0:15:13 > 0:15:15I'll just help this gentleman.

0:15:15 > 0:15:18It's got a lovely rigid frame.

0:15:18 > 0:15:22- The bed, not the gentleman.- Get off!

0:15:24 > 0:15:30- Excuse me, could you tell me what tog these duvets are?- Oh, I don't...

0:15:30 > 0:15:33- Well, 15 tog.- And do the beds come ready assembled?- I have no idea.

0:15:33 > 0:15:38- Stop asking me questions.- Well, there's no need for that attitude.

0:15:38 > 0:15:41Excuse me, are you the manager?

0:15:41 > 0:15:43- This woman has been quite rude. - I'm not being...

0:15:43 > 0:15:48Don't argue with the customer. Must be the new girl. I'm so sorry, I'll sort this out myself.

0:15:48 > 0:15:50- Where's your name badge? - Actually, there's been...

0:15:50 > 0:15:52This must be you.

0:15:52 > 0:15:57- I need...- Don't argue back, I need you down the warehouse now, they're over-stretched.

0:15:57 > 0:15:58- But...- Come on, hurry up!

0:16:04 > 0:16:08I think this has got a bit out of hand.

0:16:09 > 0:16:12So, have you got a boyfriend, Sandy?

0:16:12 > 0:16:14Sandy, that's me.

0:16:14 > 0:16:17I don't know.

0:16:17 > 0:16:20Does Sandy have a boyfriend? I'd know, wouldn't I, being Sandy?

0:16:20 > 0:16:23Does Sandy have a boyfriend?

0:16:23 > 0:16:25- No, she doesn't.- Good.

0:16:25 > 0:16:30Cos we were all saying yesterday, we should, like, totally renounce men. Do you know what I'm saying?

0:16:30 > 0:16:35I do know what you're sayin', sounds great. I've caught her accent.

0:16:35 > 0:16:40Renouncing men... Bring it on, my sisters.

0:16:40 > 0:16:44Yeah, cos we don't need males. In't that right?

0:16:44 > 0:16:49In't that just right, though, innit? Yeah, I've had enough of men...innit.

0:16:49 > 0:16:53- That's it. Go, girl. - Oh, do you want me to go?

0:16:53 > 0:16:57Oh, I see. Sorry, you go, girl. No, I go. Go me.

0:16:57 > 0:17:02Cos I'm saying to myself this, Sandy, I was saying, Sandy, you,

0:17:02 > 0:17:05my girl, will not be pushed around no more.

0:17:05 > 0:17:10- D'you know what I mean?- I do, yes, because I just said it.

0:17:10 > 0:17:12What are you doing back here?

0:17:12 > 0:17:18- I'm Sandy.- No, you're not.- Says who? - I do.- Oh, do you now, you diddly doo?

0:17:18 > 0:17:19I've gone Irish.

0:17:20 > 0:17:22I think you should leave.

0:17:22 > 0:17:27Not before I show you the bed that I want, and at a staff discount.

0:17:27 > 0:17:29Never let them push you round, girls, yeah?

0:17:29 > 0:17:32- D'you get me?- Go me. Go Sandy.

0:17:36 > 0:17:38Where have you been?

0:17:38 > 0:17:41I did a four-hour shift at the bed shop.

0:17:41 > 0:17:45But more importantly I have discovered my inner Sandy.

0:17:45 > 0:17:49- Yo, girlfriend.- I already like Sandy.

0:17:49 > 0:17:55She's wicked. And she says, well I say, we, I, am renouncing men.

0:17:55 > 0:17:57I'm renouncing men. Amen.

0:17:57 > 0:18:00- A man.- A man! Sorry.

0:18:00 > 0:18:03- I see. A man. Hello.- Hi.

0:18:03 > 0:18:06Clive said you worked here? Nice shop.

0:18:06 > 0:18:08Thanks. Do you like my trinkets?

0:18:08 > 0:18:09Not a euphemism.

0:18:12 > 0:18:15I'm looking for someone to show me around.

0:18:15 > 0:18:17Clive also said you're the only single lady in town.

0:18:17 > 0:18:20Well, I'm also sing...

0:18:21 > 0:18:25- Yeah, that's me. - Because you're renouncing men?

0:18:25 > 0:18:29- Ah, yes.- OK. That's a shame.

0:18:31 > 0:18:34What are you doing? You can't renounce him!

0:18:34 > 0:18:37I can't suddenly un-renounce, he'll think I'm odd and confused.

0:18:37 > 0:18:41Which I am, but we must hide this.

0:18:41 > 0:18:44Sandy isn't odd and confused. Go get your Danny.

0:18:44 > 0:18:50- Oh! Sandy and Danny. And if you don't go for it, I'll whip out my allure.- Don't even...

0:18:50 > 0:18:54- Now, I don't like getting a no. - I'd say yes.

0:18:56 > 0:18:58Are you renouncing all men? What if I asked you out tonight?

0:18:58 > 0:19:03I would say, you are officially renounced but there is a clause

0:19:03 > 0:19:09in my renouncement that says this. If somebody is new to an area,

0:19:09 > 0:19:14and asks a woman out on the first night, the aforementioned woman

0:19:14 > 0:19:21mentioned heretofore is obliged, nay commanded, nay must accept.

0:19:21 > 0:19:27- That's a good clause. I like a headstrong, independent woman.- Well, hello.

0:19:27 > 0:19:31My last girlfriend lived with her mom. Pretty freaky, huh?

0:19:31 > 0:19:35Miranda, I've washed your control pants.

0:19:35 > 0:19:38That should suck it all back in.

0:19:38 > 0:19:41- This is my cleaner.- Well, excuse me.

0:19:41 > 0:19:42- (He's asking me out.) - FOREIGN ACCENT: Well, hello,

0:19:49 > 0:19:54I am cleaner. Miss Penelopia.

0:19:56 > 0:19:59- And where are you from?- Poland?

0:20:00 > 0:20:05And I was coming down because I needed polish.

0:20:05 > 0:20:08Imagine. I am Polish, and I forgot my polish.

0:20:11 > 0:20:16- OK, so I'll see you later. 6.30? - Lovely.

0:20:21 > 0:20:22Ooooh!

0:20:22 > 0:20:28- Mum, make sure you're out of the flat tonight.- Why because he might come back?

0:20:28 > 0:20:31He might! He might! OH, HE MIGHT!

0:20:33 > 0:20:37Hurry up, he's downstairs. I can't believe you slept all afternoon.

0:20:37 > 0:20:42I just meant to try my new bed. One size tights does not fit all.

0:20:48 > 0:20:51Oh, yes, I forgot to say.

0:20:52 > 0:20:58There's a massive goat in my sitting room and you just forgot to say.

0:20:58 > 0:21:00It's good, isn't it?

0:21:00 > 0:21:04You said your mum hates goats.

0:21:05 > 0:21:07Ghosts.

0:21:07 > 0:21:12I said ghosts. Who has any strong opinions on goats?

0:21:14 > 0:21:16I did think it was odd.

0:21:16 > 0:21:19And you didn't check before, how?

0:21:19 > 0:21:23Don't worry, I am going out, I just bought a few more things to spruce...

0:21:23 > 0:21:25GOAT BLEATS

0:21:25 > 0:21:30Scary, isn't it? Grrr, a goat.

0:21:30 > 0:21:31- KNOCK ON DOOR - Hello?

0:21:31 > 0:21:33Quick!

0:21:36 > 0:21:37Hello!

0:21:37 > 0:21:41Hi. Are you all ready?

0:21:41 > 0:21:45Yes. Let me just grab my clutch... clutch bag.

0:21:47 > 0:21:49Good word, clutch. Isn't it?

0:21:49 > 0:21:52Yeah, clutch.

0:21:52 > 0:21:54- BLEATING - What was that?

0:21:54 > 0:21:57M-m-m-m-me, I'm so excited.

0:21:57 > 0:22:00M-m-m-m-m! Shall we go?

0:22:04 > 0:22:07W-w-w-w-wait for me-e-e-e!

0:22:09 > 0:22:12# Tell me more, tell me more...! #

0:22:12 > 0:22:14Wow, what a beautiful place.

0:22:14 > 0:22:15Wow!

0:22:15 > 0:22:19- Can I use your loo? - It's through there.

0:22:22 > 0:22:25Did you make these? What do you use?

0:22:25 > 0:22:29Umm... Flour, food...

0:22:30 > 0:22:32hobs...nobs.

0:22:32 > 0:22:35- Nutmeg.- Nutmeg.

0:22:35 > 0:22:37OH!

0:22:37 > 0:22:39I'm a nut for nutmeg.

0:22:41 > 0:22:46- Mum, what are you doing here?- Sorry. I didn't think he'd come back. Your father's changed the locks.

0:22:46 > 0:22:50Not interested. Quick, get in the bedroom.

0:22:52 > 0:22:56Hello. Do you want to take a seat?

0:22:56 > 0:22:58- Drink?- Scotch if you have one.

0:22:58 > 0:23:03I have to say I think I got you all wrong.

0:23:03 > 0:23:07- Use the nice tumblers.- What?

0:23:07 > 0:23:12Use the nice tumblers... I said to myself.

0:23:12 > 0:23:13OK.

0:23:13 > 0:23:15Get out!

0:23:15 > 0:23:17- There you go.- Thanks.

0:23:17 > 0:23:21- I'm glad you came out tonight. - Yes, me too.

0:23:28 > 0:23:34One doesn't always feel in the mood to renounce, hence the unrenouncement clause.

0:23:38 > 0:23:41Can I get another Scotch?

0:23:41 > 0:23:43There you go.

0:23:44 > 0:23:47Wow. You seem to have everything under control.

0:23:47 > 0:23:49That's very sexy.

0:23:50 > 0:23:53Sorry, I'll have to stop you there.

0:23:53 > 0:23:57Oh, that's disappointing. You're quite something.

0:23:57 > 0:24:02- So they say.- Can I call you? - Sure, you've got my number.

0:24:02 > 0:24:03Ciao.

0:24:04 > 0:24:07He is in my palm.

0:24:08 > 0:24:11# It's raining men, hallelujah

0:24:11 > 0:24:15# It's raining men, amen

0:24:16 > 0:24:19# I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna let myself get

0:24:20 > 0:24:24# Absolutely soaking wet

0:24:24 > 0:24:27# It's raining men, hallelujah

0:24:27 > 0:24:29# It's raining men... #

0:24:52 > 0:24:55To mock or belittle, nine letters.

0:24:55 > 0:24:57Disparage.

0:25:00 > 0:25:02Who are you?

0:25:03 > 0:25:05Hey. Last night was great.

0:25:06 > 0:25:08I did it!

0:25:08 > 0:25:11Not so much a dweeb now.

0:25:11 > 0:25:14Although there was one thing that was missing.

0:25:16 > 0:25:18Gary!

0:25:19 > 0:25:20Hi.

0:25:28 > 0:25:30Hello.

0:25:30 > 0:25:35- Gary sent the postcard after he got there but it only just arrived. - Sorry.

0:25:35 > 0:25:41And now I'm feeling teary because I've been thinking about him for months. Why's he suddenly back?

0:25:41 > 0:25:43I think he said he got the sack. Really?

0:25:43 > 0:25:46- We need to find out his situation. - Yes, but what do I do about...

0:25:46 > 0:25:51- Listen, I've been let go. Gary's contract's still open. - Gary's got his job back!

0:25:51 > 0:25:56- But if I'm staying, I don't want this to be awkward. - Awkward? This? Awkward?

0:25:56 > 0:25:59Who's awkward? Funny word, awkward.

0:26:00 > 0:26:03Something awkward about the word awkward.

0:26:04 > 0:26:06Clutch!

0:26:06 > 0:26:09No, sorry I'm cazh...

0:26:09 > 0:26:11You're acting weird.

0:26:11 > 0:26:14Ask Gary if he has a girlfriend.

0:26:14 > 0:26:17So, what does your girlfriend think of you leaving Hong Kong?

0:26:17 > 0:26:22- I don't have a girlfriend. - Gary was telling me about this job in Birmingham.

0:26:22 > 0:26:25- I might check it out if that's cool. - Of course. This was only...

0:26:25 > 0:26:27Ask if Gary's considered the jobs in Birmingham?

0:26:27 > 0:26:32- Have you considered the joggers, that you might burn in them?- Backfired.

0:26:32 > 0:26:37I'd better go, I have a hunch I might have got in the middle of something here.

0:26:37 > 0:26:40BOTH: Us? No, no we're just friends.

0:26:40 > 0:26:43- He's only just got back from Hong Kong.- Right.

0:26:43 > 0:26:44Goodbye.

0:26:49 > 0:26:54- So, things have changed a bit. - It's just the new me.

0:26:54 > 0:26:59Miranda, I think that goat ate your bunion insole.

0:27:00 > 0:27:04Excuse me, we need to talk about the damage to this man's restaurant.

0:27:04 > 0:27:09- That's her.- I'm Sandy, stop impersonating me or I'll report you.

0:27:09 > 0:27:12Kid's ball pool for Miranda?

0:27:12 > 0:27:14Welcome back.

0:27:15 > 0:27:18I think I preferred the old you anyway.

0:27:18 > 0:27:20Come here.

0:27:22 > 0:27:25- Ball pool?- Yes. Follow me.

0:28:14 > 0:28:17Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:17 > 0:28:20E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk