0:00:02 > 0:00:04Hi. It's beyond smashing to see your lovely faces again.
0:00:04 > 0:00:05Except yours, wipe that off.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07Bet you all checked!
0:00:07 > 0:00:10This is no time for frivolity.
0:00:10 > 0:00:14As you may remember, I just had two proposals.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18- Miranda?- Miranda?
0:00:18 > 0:00:21Oh, I'm really flapping now. I don't know what to do.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Just marry someone!
0:00:24 > 0:00:27Or go to Utah, marry them both!
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Wish I'd done that with your father and Nigel Havers.
0:00:30 > 0:00:31Ugh!
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Miranda, I truly mean this proposal.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36I know how happy you'd make me, and I'd treasure you forever.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38- ALL:- Awww!
0:00:40 > 0:00:41Well, I...
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Argh! My knee's gone. Ow!
0:00:44 > 0:00:45- ALL:- Oh!
0:00:45 > 0:00:46Pathetic.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Oh! Shut up, Mike!
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Stop it! I'm going to run away. I can't cope with it!
0:00:50 > 0:00:52- No, no, no, wait!- Don't! - BOTH: Marry me!
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Or, hat in ring. Marry me.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56- ALL:- What?!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Three proposals?! Get in!
0:00:58 > 0:01:02- Chazzle! - No, jesting, hilarium.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Not hilarium, Chazzle, actually.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07This is meant to be my moment, isn't it? What are they doing?
0:01:07 > 0:01:10You're all engagement-ruining idiots!
0:01:24 > 0:01:25MIRANDA SIGHS
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Oh, are you all right, Big One?
0:01:27 > 0:01:30I should know the answer. I just, I really want to know.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Fear not, I'm all over this, like whipped cream on Gary Barlow.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34Pace.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Mike and Gary, pros and cons.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40This is my life, not a corporate meeting!
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Er, steady, sire. Pace.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46Right, let's call it, "love positives" and "qualms".
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Qualms is a good word. I do have qualms.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51I have qualms about them both.
0:01:51 > 0:01:52I've said "qualms" too much now.
0:01:52 > 0:01:58I have qualms about the word qualms. I have qualm qualms.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Er, hush your mouth now, Big One, please.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Shouldn't they be running after me if they really meant it? Right.
0:02:03 > 0:02:04God, you decide.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08I'm going to marry whoever comes through that door first.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Miranda.
0:02:10 > 0:02:11Unacceptable!
0:02:12 > 0:02:15I hope you're deciding, we're all on tenterhooks next door.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19I can't wait to shove this engagement, whoever it's with,
0:02:19 > 0:02:23in Belinda's smug, tennis president, MBE-bestowed,
0:02:23 > 0:02:26effortless weight-loss achieving, perfect bum in jodhpur,
0:02:26 > 0:02:29"I once met Mary Berry" face,
0:02:29 > 0:02:31with love.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Between Mike and Gary, just give me a sign.
0:02:34 > 0:02:35Hi!
0:02:36 > 0:02:39I think I've waited as long as I could,
0:02:39 > 0:02:41but I just really need to know.
0:02:41 > 0:02:46I think I've said it all, but just... Well, I love you.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48GARY PANTS
0:02:48 > 0:02:50I love you too, Mike.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55I know.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59I love you very much.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03But I want to marry Gary.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09And not just because it rhymes.
0:03:11 > 0:03:12I'm sorry, Mike.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15These things are all meant.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17You're a good man, Mike.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Right, yes. I'll leave you to, um...
0:03:23 > 0:03:25- I'll speak to you later.- Yeah.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Right, before you say anything, I did run straight after you,
0:03:30 > 0:03:31but I went to go and get a ring first
0:03:31 > 0:03:33because I want to do a proper proposal.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Well, I say ring, in the time, these.
0:03:41 > 0:03:42Yum!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46- That's the ring. - Oh, sorry, yes.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50That's a bit small, that one.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53And that's a bit jaggedy. They're yummy!
0:03:53 > 0:03:56I thought this might happen, so I got a back-up.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Miranda...
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Ooh, it's happening!
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Wellingtons up!
0:04:05 > 0:04:09- Miranda, will you... - Ooh, I bloody love crisps.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11- Kind of on a flow here, Charlie! - Oh, big, fat soz.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Miranda, will you...
0:04:16 > 0:04:17MOBILE BEEPS LOUDLY
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Oh, bear with.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22This is my moment, Tilly!
0:04:25 > 0:04:27- Just shush! - Thank you.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Miranda.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Will you do me the honour of being
0:04:32 > 0:04:35forever and always, because don't ever leave me,
0:04:35 > 0:04:37of being...
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Welling up!
0:04:39 > 0:04:41..of being my wife?
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Yes!
0:04:54 > 0:04:58Finally! In your botoxed face, Belinda,
0:04:58 > 0:05:01and anyone else who said Miranda's only long-term relationship
0:05:01 > 0:05:03would be with Dairy Milk.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07I'm getting married to Gary! I'm getting Garried!
0:05:09 > 0:05:11THEY SING A CONGA TUNE
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Tremendio Iglesias Kong!
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Come on, let's go back and celebrate!
0:05:16 > 0:05:18I'd better go and sort out this party.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20But, speaking of finally,
0:05:20 > 0:05:24- do you think I might be able to stay over tonight?- Yes, you can.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26I love you.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31I'll see you later.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32BREATHLESSLY Yes.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34SHE GIGGLES
0:05:37 > 0:05:39THEY GIGGLE TOGETHER
0:05:39 > 0:05:41What?
0:05:41 > 0:05:43He didn't say, "I love you".
0:05:43 > 0:05:45He's never, he's never actually said, "I love you".
0:05:45 > 0:05:50He's just asked you, in no uncertain terms, to marry him, you fool!
0:05:50 > 0:05:52THEY LAUGH TOGETHER
0:05:53 > 0:05:54What?
0:05:54 > 0:05:59Will we still play Where's Miranda? And have games nights?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Nothing will change, Little One.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05Indeed, I challenge you to our latest game of
0:06:05 > 0:06:09Snackeralympics Peperami Jenga.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Challenge accepted.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17Now, let's forthwith to the restaurant to see my fiance!
0:06:17 > 0:06:18SHE LAUGHS
0:06:18 > 0:06:22Er...you're prancing like an oversized pony.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Oh, my goodness, I'm a fiancee.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27I'm going to be a wife. I'm flapping again now.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Will I have to make house, and deal with throws and pelmets?
0:06:30 > 0:06:32I don't know what pelmets are, what are pelmets?
0:06:32 > 0:06:34The love of your life has just proposed to you,
0:06:34 > 0:06:37- that's all you need to think.- Yes.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41Now, let's prance-ay to my fiance-ay.
0:06:46 > 0:06:47It's like human dressage.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53I'm getting married!
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Yay!
0:07:02 > 0:07:05I nipped back before Gary left the party because
0:07:05 > 0:07:11tonight is the night when dos become uno.
0:07:11 > 0:07:16And I realised, and forgive, but I've got no grown-up pantinage.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20I'm a fiancee, I should have linger-ee and thongs.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22And I should be able to say thongs without wanting to thay
0:07:22 > 0:07:24the rest of the thentence like this!
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Ooh, there are my thlippers.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28So, I'm totally nude.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31I'm as Mother Nature intended.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33She is a very cruel woman.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36DOOR SLAMS He's here!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Hello, Mr Lover-Lover.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49- You were not meant to see that! - I did not need to see that!
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- I'm sorry! - Arghh, my eyes! Aahh!
0:07:52 > 0:07:54SHE SCREAMS
0:07:54 > 0:07:57It's getting offensive now, actually!
0:07:57 > 0:07:59I was not expecting you.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01It's Snackeralympics, you challenged.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Yeah, but tonight, hell of a night.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06- Dos become uno. - Peperami Jenga!
0:08:06 > 0:08:08- I'll set it up, OK?- OK.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09Not OK!
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Right, you.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13- Come here! - No. No, no, no.- Yes, yes,
0:08:13 > 0:08:16- I've waited 15 years for this. - It's just that Stevie...
0:08:16 > 0:08:18STEVIE SCREAMS
0:08:18 > 0:08:23Argh! Male downstairs department!
0:08:23 > 0:08:27Urgh! Female downstairs department!
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Oh, well, this isn't awkward(!)
0:08:39 > 0:08:41- Let's play. - Yeah, great idea.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43That's worked out, hasn't it?
0:08:43 > 0:08:45(Get rid of her!)
0:08:45 > 0:08:46(She's not adjusting.)
0:08:46 > 0:08:48- What?- (Adjusting.)
0:08:48 > 0:08:50What are you doing?
0:08:50 > 0:08:52MOUTHS: I just...
0:08:52 > 0:08:54SHE SPEAKS NORMALLY: I was miming...
0:08:56 > 0:09:02# Ag-a-doo-doo-doo Push pineapple, shake a tree. #
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Stevie, the thing is I'm staying tonight.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08Yay! Sleepover! So, activities. Karaoke?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Sex with Miranda.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Well, I don't want to have sex with Miranda.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Can people stop saying... MOUTHS: ..sex?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17- Ugh! Intimacy issues! - Right, that's it.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19OK, I've got a new game.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23It is called, Could Stevie Leave Right Now, Please?
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Sorry? Are you chucking Stevie out?
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Stevie cannot believe this!
0:09:29 > 0:09:31You do know that you are Stevie?
0:09:31 > 0:09:33You said nothing would change.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36But tonight, you know, there will be times when we need boundaries
0:09:36 > 0:09:38so there isn't overcrowding.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42Boundaries? Overcrowding? Hark at her!
0:09:42 > 0:09:45I mean, yes, you are "engaged".
0:09:45 > 0:09:46What's this?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Well, I'm miming locking a toilet door. You're engaged.
0:09:52 > 0:09:57You are also, toilet door again, vacant of compassion.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- Oh, finally we get the point. - And, in many ways, you are...
0:10:00 > 0:10:01out of order.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03What, again with the classic toilet door metaphors?
0:10:03 > 0:10:08- Absolutely ridiculous!- Immediately ditching your best friend.- I am not!
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Nothing's changed!
0:10:21 > 0:10:22Everything's changed!
0:10:27 > 0:10:30- Making tea for my husband-to-be. - Ooh! I like the sound of that.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Ahhhh...
0:10:33 > 0:10:37- You know, something crossed my mind this morning.- Oh, no, what?
0:10:37 > 0:10:40No, it's good, it's good.
0:10:40 > 0:10:41Well, it's a bit silly now.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43It's just, you're going to make me very happy.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46You're sweet!
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Now, do you think we might be able to spend some time on our own today?
0:10:49 > 0:10:51- You know, finally have some peace? - Please!
0:10:51 > 0:10:55Mornington, Strictly Kong Dancing! Aw!
0:10:55 > 0:10:58We are desperating for a cup of cha-cha-cha.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00- BOTH:- One, two, cha-cha-cha!
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- Cuppa-rooney? - Cuppa-Wayne-Rooney.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04THEY LAUGH
0:11:04 > 0:11:06HE SNORTS LIKE A HORSE
0:11:06 > 0:11:09BOTH: Sorry, what are you two doing?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Summer wedding administration starts now.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Wedmin!
0:11:13 > 0:11:17- Weddington Boots! - Utter thrilly-bots. Tea, please.
0:11:17 > 0:11:22Now, um, guest list. I'm at 450.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Oh! Weenie, Pendulous!
0:11:24 > 0:11:27- No, no, I can't do this. - You're not wobbling, are you, Gary?
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Any chance to neckie some brekkie?
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Wedmin, focus, petit prince.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37So, cake-wise, I have made cake-ulations.
0:11:37 > 0:11:43And the best man for the job is Kate and Pip-Pip's cousin, Titus.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45- Oh, Titty?- Yup. Big Titty.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48- I can't cope. - Samples ici.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Bit Lloyd Gross, tasting cake so early.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Oh, yeah! I've never had cake for breakfast. Never.
0:11:53 > 0:11:54Never done that.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57LAUGHING: I have!
0:11:57 > 0:11:58Small bites.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15I like that.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Now, tonight, Gary, I've called the restaurant,
0:12:17 > 0:12:19spoke to that waitress, what's her name?
0:12:19 > 0:12:21- Jacinta.- Didn't you date a Jacinta once?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24- We can have the engagement party there.- What? No!
0:12:24 > 0:12:25- Another party?- Not tonight.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- No, no, please!- Such fun! All arranged, all settled.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Just a small do.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34You still not socially up to more, Donkeyest Kong?
0:12:34 > 0:12:36MUSIC: Another One Bites The Dust by Queen
0:12:39 > 0:12:41SHE BREAKS WIND
0:12:41 > 0:12:42CAR ENGINE REVS
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Oh!
0:12:44 > 0:12:46- Now, order of service. - No, no, stop, stop, stop!
0:12:46 > 0:12:49- Just everyone, stop! - Oh, no, Gary, no, please, no!
0:12:49 > 0:12:50I can't do this.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52You see, this is what I feared,
0:12:52 > 0:12:56- you're just never going to commit to marriage.- I'm so sorry.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Gary, pull yourself together.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01I've seen less wobble in one of Miranda's pilates classes.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03No, I mean, I can't do THIS.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Can we not just get married as soon as possible?
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Let's get married in no more than three weeks.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10No way-der-hosen!
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Oh, way-der-hosen!
0:13:13 > 0:13:14Three weeks!
0:13:14 > 0:13:17I'll buy our pelmets. For the kitchen? Bathroom?
0:13:17 > 0:13:19What are pelmets?
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Are they helmets for pens?
0:13:23 > 0:13:26Three weeks! SHE GIGGLES
0:13:26 > 0:13:29I can't stop prancing.
0:13:32 > 0:13:33Morning, Stevie.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38Have I told you quite how pretty you look this morning?
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Talk to the pinky because you are...
0:13:41 > 0:13:42stinky!
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Right, well, it sounds like I'll have to find somebody else
0:13:46 > 0:13:49to be my head bridesmaid.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52This shouldn't take long.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Five, four, three...
0:13:54 > 0:13:56I'll probably ask Tilly.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Two, one.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04I want to be your head bridesmaid. I've got to be your head bridesmaid!
0:14:04 > 0:14:06I'm the perfect head bridesmaid!
0:14:06 > 0:14:10Oh, I'm sorry!
0:14:10 > 0:14:14- I was just scared of being lonely. - No, I'm sorry. I was insensitive.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17Promise you won't be one of those brides that forgets her best friend?
0:14:17 > 0:14:20I promise. And I was thinking, why don't you organise
0:14:20 > 0:14:22a girlie weekend away for just us?
0:14:22 > 0:14:26Oh, yes! I will nail this like an enthusiastic hammer.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29I need you, Stevie. I'm terrified Gary's going to bolt.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Oh, stop this. He won't!
0:14:31 > 0:14:33I bet he's said "I love you" now.
0:14:33 > 0:14:34Well, no.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38He did just say he wants to get married in no less than three weeks.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Well, there you go.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43THEY SING THE WEDDING MARCH
0:14:45 > 0:14:48I am going to get my fiancee act together.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52For starters, I am going to regain some feminine mystique.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Or GAIN some feminine mystique.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58- None taken. - We need to get some lingerie,
0:14:58 > 0:15:00perfume that isn't Febreze.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04You do know Mountain Fresh is not a scent?
0:15:06 > 0:15:09I'll sort you out. We'll go for lunch together, and then we'll shop.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Hi.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13- BOTH:- Phwoar!
0:15:15 > 0:15:18- Oh, let's not be those women again. - No, absolutely, no.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20- First.- I am. I am. - Let me... It's unseemly to...
0:15:22 > 0:15:25- I can give it back.- No, I'll give it back.- I can give it.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26THEY BICKER
0:15:26 > 0:15:27I'm also singl...
0:15:30 > 0:15:31Now, ladies...
0:15:31 > 0:15:33- Ooh, ladies?- Ladies? - THEY GIGGLE
0:15:33 > 0:15:35- Well, he's a fireman! - He's a fireman!
0:15:35 > 0:15:38The Fire Service are installing your smoke alarms for free
0:15:38 > 0:15:39if you want to book in.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43BTW, she isn't actually available because she is enga...
0:15:43 > 0:15:45England's number one sex goddess!
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Enchantee to you, sir!
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Er, ignore her.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Put me out, because I am on fire!
0:15:55 > 0:15:58- Oh, I'm really pleased with that. - Excuse me, I was here first actually!
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Excuse me! If one thing should change...
0:16:01 > 0:16:03It's this.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08- Hi! Sorry. - You frightened him away!
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Right, you, come with me, I clearly need to buy you a ring.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- What, now? - Shall we?- Shall we?
0:16:14 > 0:16:18No, sorry, I can't, no, I'm having lunch with Stevie.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Psssst!
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Let me just confer with my tiny little colleague.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31- You've got to go.- Why?
0:16:31 > 0:16:34He's buying you a ring. This is the "I love you" moment.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Oh, yes, OK. Right.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Why don't us two meet for tea?
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Yay. We'll meet at three.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47We've gone really low, and really close.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50I know, I'm like a giraffe at a watering hole.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Miranda?
0:16:52 > 0:16:54THEY SHRIEK
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Sorry, sorry, husband.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59It's just that your wife is full o' mystique.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02So, let's ring shop.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05- Camp!- Thank you!
0:17:05 > 0:17:07- Beanbag!- Oh, right.
0:17:09 > 0:17:10- We'll just take this.- OK.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14This is so exciting!
0:17:14 > 0:17:16- Oh, look at those gold ones.- Wow.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18MUSIC ESCAPES GIRL'S HEADPHONES
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Babe, I'll choose. Your choice of bedspread was totally gross.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Tarquin!
0:17:23 > 0:17:26SHE IMITATES "Tarquin", "totally gross".
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Excuse me, are you taking the wee-wee?
0:17:28 > 0:17:30What? No, no.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33SHE IMITATES HER ACCENT Er, cos this is how I talk.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Hold the phone, have we met before?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38No, no, don't think so, no.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42Get it together, Miranda. Mystique.
0:17:42 > 0:17:43MUSIC BLARES FROM HEADPHONES
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Oh, wow, that is gorgeous, isn't it?
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Sorry, I'm stuck to you, my coat.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Sorry, excuse me! I'm stuck to you!
0:17:52 > 0:17:53SHE MOUTHS
0:17:53 > 0:17:55- Sorry!- What are you doing?
0:17:55 > 0:17:59I'm doing the conga. SHE SINGS THE CONGA
0:17:59 > 0:18:01- Are you pickpocketing me? - What the actual hell is happening?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04POSH ACCENT: It's just that I'm stuck to her.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06- Why are you talking like that? - This is how I talk.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08She is, she's stealing!
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Tarquin! Do something.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13No, Tarquin, hello! Don't do anything.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16It's just I'm stuck to her, you see. My coat. That's all, Gary. My coat.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18It's really hard to talk like this.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21- Get off me! Aagh!- I'm sorry.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Miranda!
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Listen to me. I am stuck to you!
0:18:25 > 0:18:26What... Oh, my Lord!
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- What are you doing?! - I am stuck to you, you idiot!
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Well, dismount!
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Gary, stop the escalator!
0:18:37 > 0:18:39ESCALATOR THUDS
0:18:39 > 0:18:40MIRANDA SCREAMS
0:18:42 > 0:18:43THEY BOTH SCREAM
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Quick, before we get sucked into the escalator bowels!
0:18:46 > 0:18:49You've got a problem with your bowels?
0:18:49 > 0:18:51No, I do not, and will you shush, please?
0:18:51 > 0:18:55People have been trying to sleep, in Australia!
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Right, you and me, let's get out of here.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Oh, right!
0:19:00 > 0:19:04Oh, my goodness! I'm going down the up. I should be going down the down.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08- Yes. Go up the up to come down the down.- I'll go up the up. OK.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Stevie, Stevie, Stevie. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- What are you doing? - Packing up my stuff.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16I lost track of time. I am so sorry.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Well, apology not accepted.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21It's just that Gary and I took some time, you see,
0:19:21 > 0:19:24- because I ruined the ring moment. - Well, you ruined us!
0:19:24 > 0:19:25Oh, Stevie...
0:19:25 > 0:19:30Oh, finding Heather Small is a bit too big to fit in that box, are we?
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Really? The "are we's"?
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Thinking the use of the "are we's" are appropriate here, are we?
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Using three "are we's" in a sentence, are we?
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Counting my "are we's", are we? Oh, this is stupid!
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Can't you ever be serious?
0:19:45 > 0:19:46Fine, if you want me to be serious,
0:19:46 > 0:19:48I think you're selfishly overreacting.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51- And it was just a tea! - It was NOT just a tea!
0:19:51 > 0:19:55It was showing you weren't going to abandon me. It was a promise.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59Good luck with your engagement party without your wing woman.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01This engagement's turning into a nightmare.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03TOY SQUEAKS
0:20:03 > 0:20:06..her gite in Provence. And I said,
0:20:06 > 0:20:11we all know how Buffy Bluffington got her planning permission!
0:20:11 > 0:20:13THEY LAUGH SELF-CONSCIOUSLY
0:20:13 > 0:20:14Yeah, I'll be back in a mo.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18Miranda, look sharp, that's Veronica, tennis club VP,
0:20:18 > 0:20:20she'll report back to Belinda.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Looking gorgeous, darling!
0:20:23 > 0:20:26She looks like a, what I call, man in drag.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Marjorie!
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Quite simple, really.
0:20:30 > 0:20:31- Oh!- Hello!
0:20:31 > 0:20:34- So, this is my fiancee, Miranda. - Hi.- Hello.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37You're very young and lovely.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Who are you, please, to you, please, thank you, to you?
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Erm, Jacinta. New waitress.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Jacinta? This is Jacinta?
0:20:45 > 0:20:47- Yeah.- Oh!
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Oh, well, how very lovely to have somebody so lovely around
0:20:50 > 0:20:53like Jacinta being lovely, because she's lovely, Gary, isn't she?
0:20:53 > 0:20:54Have you noticed Jacinta?
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Well, you look lovely, I don't know, you might have killed.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01No, no, you're lovely.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05With your unwrinkled skin and your...face.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10That's kind. Although with Gary's cooking I'll probably balloon.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Probably. SHE IMITATES AN EXPLOSION
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Luckily, I've got really a fast metabolism, so...
0:21:15 > 0:21:17MIRANDA FORCES A LAUGH
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Sorry.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27- Why are you being like that? - I'm sorry, your fiancee's an idiot.
0:21:27 > 0:21:28- Oh, Chris and Alison.- Hi.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31- BOTH:- Hello, lovers. Oh, said it at the same time!
0:21:31 > 0:21:34He reads my mind.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Works wonders in the lusty moments of monthly sex night.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Oh, come on!
0:21:40 > 0:21:45Come... # Karma, Karma, Karma Chameleon. #
0:21:46 > 0:21:47Thank you.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52- Not that you'll be interested in sex after a few years.- Weeks.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Years.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58Look what trouble naughty Papa Bear's got me into.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01- Now, you look gorgeous, dumpling. - Dumpling?
0:22:03 > 0:22:06That's rich. There's a baby in here. What's in there?
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Pies.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- BOTH:- Samosas. Said at the same time!
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Well, if you want any tips...
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Oh, are you giving marriage advice? I suggest...
0:22:23 > 0:22:25- Please don't. - ..Bedroom Countdown.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Two from the top, one from the bottom.
0:22:27 > 0:22:28Goodbye.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31Oh. You ARE here.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Yeah, I didn't want to let my plus-one down.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36- For I'm also in a relationship. - Stevie...!
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Not this again. You can't drag a traffic warden off the street
0:22:39 > 0:22:42- every time you want a boyfriend. - Uh, we're in love!
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Are we? Brilliant.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Yep, this is great.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50- I see marriage, you know, for us. - Even more brilliant.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Mmm, hmm...
0:22:53 > 0:22:55My beard's like a gentle bear.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Anyway, do you mind? We need boundaries
0:22:58 > 0:23:01because I've just felt overcrowded.
0:23:01 > 0:23:02Oh, you are pathetic!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Miranda, keep focused.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Look, don't pressure me socially. It just makes me want to say "bum".
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Oh! Hello, Vicar. Sorry.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13Sorry about bumming in your face. As it were. Sorry.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16I was just saying, formality unnerves. Do you ever find that?
0:23:16 > 0:23:20Do you find yourself at the pulpit going, "Amen, floppy tits!"
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Well, I am very much looking forward to marrying you and Gary.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26We should find a time to sit down,
0:23:26 > 0:23:28I'd like to share thoughts on marriage, intercourse.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31MIRANDA GIGGLES
0:23:31 > 0:23:35Sorry! It's just that there's a vicar saying "intercourse".
0:23:35 > 0:23:37SHE GIGGLES It's quite funny.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40I mean, even you must find you saying "intercourse" funny!
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Because you're a vicar saying "intercourse".
0:23:43 > 0:23:45I had intercourse once.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49In Luton, with a woman, in a skip.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Where's Charles? Why isn't he ever here when I need him?
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Gary. Do a lovely speech about Miranda.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Only, whatever you do, don't mention the fact
0:23:57 > 0:23:59she uses her breasts as a tray.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02- Ha, such fun! - I don't use... Oh.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Everybody, announcement time!
0:24:05 > 0:24:10Charlie just popadommed the big Q. We're engagulated!
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Oh! Congratulations!
0:24:13 > 0:24:14I love you!
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Romance Abramovich!
0:24:18 > 0:24:20And I'll bear with you for the rest of my life.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Oh, well, that's all very lovely,
0:24:24 > 0:24:27but let's hear it for the couple of the mo-mo!
0:24:32 > 0:24:33Gary's gone.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Don't freak out, but I'm freaking out.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42I know you freak out when I freak out.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44I'm not going to freak out. I won't. I'm not.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48Look, I'm not freaking out. Freak, c'est chic!
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Whatever that is, it screams you're freaking out.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53SHE SIGHS Just...just tell me.
0:24:53 > 0:24:54Chris and Alison.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58All that lovey-dovey stuff is clearly covering something.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00And the way your mum talks about your dad?
0:25:00 > 0:25:04- HE BREATHES HEAVILY - Is marriage going to break us?
0:25:04 > 0:25:08Oh, Gary, really? Why can't you ever just commit to me?
0:25:08 > 0:25:10No, no, no, no! Do NOT make it about that.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12What do you want to do? Escape, elope?
0:25:12 > 0:25:14I've still got those train tickets to Wick.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17No, I don't want to run away from the problem.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20You wouldn't be, it would just be me and you. You see, it is about me.
0:25:20 > 0:25:21Argh! Just...
0:25:23 > 0:25:25You know what? Maybe we're just not ready.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Neither of us has ever really had a long-term relationship.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31I have. There was, erm, Dave.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34The takeaway guy does not count!
0:25:34 > 0:25:36He made me put on weight, we didn't have sex,
0:25:36 > 0:25:38so it was a long-term relationship.
0:25:40 > 0:25:45OK, look, yes, marriage is, can be difficult.
0:25:45 > 0:25:46You see couples that did love,
0:25:46 > 0:25:49but they clearly don't like each other anymore.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52But that's the thing, Gary. With us,
0:25:52 > 0:25:55if nothing else, we really blooming like each other, don't we?
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Yeah, yeah, I mean,
0:25:59 > 0:26:0115 years of friendship and we haven't split up.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04We're going to be OK, aren't we?
0:26:04 > 0:26:05Yeah.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Gosh, you scared me there.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13I just think we need to get some normality back, you know?
0:26:13 > 0:26:14And first things first,
0:26:14 > 0:26:16I am forcing you and Stevie to make up in the morning.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19- And you have been acting really weird.- I know, don't.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23Sorry. I've being trying not to let you down and change or something...
0:26:23 > 0:26:27Well, don't. Please. All right?
0:26:29 > 0:26:32OK, Mrs Preston-to-be.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37Would you do me the honour of practising our first dance? Yeah?
0:26:37 > 0:26:39- OK!- All right.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42- Oh, what's our song going to be? - Ooh. Erm... Ooh!
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Whatever song comes on first, that shall be our first dance.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49- Risky game. - What can I say? I'm dangerous.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53- Right.- Right.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56MUSIC: U Can't Touch This by MC Hammer
0:26:58 > 0:26:59# Can't touch this
0:27:01 > 0:27:03# Can't touch this
0:27:05 > 0:27:07# Can't touch this
0:27:07 > 0:27:09- # My, my, my - Can't touch this
0:27:09 > 0:27:13# My music keeps me so hard Makes me say, oh, my Lord
0:27:13 > 0:27:16# Thank you for blessing me with a mind to rhyme and two hype feet
0:27:16 > 0:27:18# That's good when you know you're down
0:27:18 > 0:27:20# A superdope homeboy from the Oaktown. #
0:27:23 > 0:27:24Right.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26BOTH: I refuse to speak to...
0:27:26 > 0:27:28- ..that mean munchkin. - ..that moody mountain.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30- Moody mountain?- Mean munchkin?
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Sit down, both of you, now!
0:27:32 > 0:27:34- This is my favourite chair! - I'm having it!
0:27:34 > 0:27:35Uh-uh-uh! Stop it!
0:27:39 > 0:27:41Right. Stevie?
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Yes, sir, present, sir.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45Is your girlie weekend away still available?
0:27:45 > 0:27:48Oh, yes, sire, for I'm going on it today. Alone.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50No, you're taking Miranda with you.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52She doesn't deserve an amazing trip!
0:27:52 > 0:27:54I'd rather shove my arms in a wood chipper.
0:27:54 > 0:27:58Is there or is there not a friendship here to save, hm?
0:27:58 > 0:28:01MUSIC: Reach by S Club 7
0:28:01 > 0:28:03# Wanna see some more! #
0:28:03 > 0:28:04ALARM BELLS RING
0:28:04 > 0:28:05THEY GROWL
0:28:05 > 0:28:09# You've got to search for the hero inside yourself. #
0:28:09 > 0:28:10THEY SCREAM
0:28:10 > 0:28:12BOTH: I love you.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Stevie, you're not going unless you take Miranda with you.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16Miranda, if you don't, I won't marry you.
0:28:16 > 0:28:19- Fine. - Fine, I'll go.
0:28:19 > 0:28:20What is it?
0:28:20 > 0:28:22We are going, this is literally brilliant,
0:28:22 > 0:28:27to the Lake District, on a corporate survival bonding night.
0:28:35 > 0:28:39How is that brilliant? That is not brilliant, Gary!
0:28:39 > 0:28:41- See you tomorrow.- Ugh!
0:28:46 > 0:28:48Oh, sorry about that(!)
0:28:50 > 0:28:52WILD ANIMAL SCREECHES, WIND HOWLS
0:28:52 > 0:28:56Oh, well, you were right. I mean, this is literally brilliant(!)
0:28:56 > 0:28:58If we don't get out of this,
0:28:58 > 0:29:02then you've been the best friend a woman could ever have.
0:29:02 > 0:29:05And I'm so pleased for you and Gary.
0:29:06 > 0:29:08I'm wobbling.
0:29:08 > 0:29:10He still hasn't said "I love you".
0:29:10 > 0:29:13You just need the romantic ring moment again.
0:29:16 > 0:29:18You've always been all I've really had.
0:29:21 > 0:29:23- BOTH:- Love oo.
0:29:26 > 0:29:27That said, I am really hungry,
0:29:27 > 0:29:31so I'm probably going to have to eat you now.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34If I do die and you survive,
0:29:34 > 0:29:36which is unlikely given that wild creatures
0:29:36 > 0:29:39would rally around my natural allure,
0:29:39 > 0:29:44then I want Gary Barlow and Elton John to duet at my funeral.
0:29:44 > 0:29:48All the James Bond actors to carry my coffin.
0:29:48 > 0:29:52And Benedict Cucumber Patch to sob hysterically.
0:29:55 > 0:29:56Wow!
0:29:56 > 0:29:58Gorge-ulous, isn't he?
0:29:58 > 0:30:01Yes, but I was looking at this one.
0:30:01 > 0:30:04Hi! Ha-ha, missed you.
0:30:04 > 0:30:07Mm. Come here, come here.
0:30:07 > 0:30:10Oh, actually, can we have a bit of space, please?
0:30:10 > 0:30:12- Oh, oh, yes!- Yes!
0:30:15 > 0:30:17SHE GASPS
0:30:17 > 0:30:19Wow!
0:30:25 > 0:30:27Are you going to say something?
0:30:29 > 0:30:31Here we go!
0:30:34 > 0:30:35What?
0:30:35 > 0:30:40It's just that I'm not quite sure I can wear this until...
0:30:40 > 0:30:41- Oh.- Oh...
0:30:43 > 0:30:45- Oh, sorry.- Sorry, soz.
0:30:48 > 0:30:49It's just...
0:30:49 > 0:30:53I'm just never really sure you love me.
0:30:56 > 0:30:58I knew it.
0:30:59 > 0:31:01You don't trust me.
0:31:01 > 0:31:05- What? No, I do, I do trust you. - No, you don't.
0:31:05 > 0:31:07I don't think you ever really have.
0:31:09 > 0:31:11It's just that you don't trust that I love you.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16It's just you've never actually said it to me.
0:31:16 > 0:31:19Yeah, well, how about actions speaking louder than words, Miranda?
0:31:20 > 0:31:22I mean, you never trust I can commit.
0:31:22 > 0:31:23You don't trust I won't run off.
0:31:28 > 0:31:31- No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - No, Gary! No, please, don't!
0:31:31 > 0:31:32No, listen, listen.
0:31:32 > 0:31:35I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me.
0:31:35 > 0:31:38I can work on trusting you, just wait.
0:31:38 > 0:31:42Maybe you can wait for me to open up?
0:31:42 > 0:31:47But what I can't wait for is...
0:31:47 > 0:31:51I don't think you're ever going to trust yourself, Miranda.
0:31:51 > 0:31:55I want to love you for who you are. You don't need to be anything else.
0:31:55 > 0:31:57SHE SOBS
0:31:57 > 0:32:00- I'm just scared of losing you, Gary, I need you.- I know you do.
0:32:00 > 0:32:03But too much. And that's where I struggle.
0:32:05 > 0:32:08- HE SOBS - And that's where we come unstuck.
0:32:14 > 0:32:17We can't be together like this, I'm sorry.
0:32:24 > 0:32:26No, wait, Gary, please.
0:32:26 > 0:32:29No, don't, Gary, just don't go.
0:32:30 > 0:32:33Because I know you that you know this is the right thing to do.
0:32:40 > 0:32:42It has to be over, I'm sorry.
0:32:43 > 0:32:49# Don't think I can't feel like there's something wrong
0:32:49 > 0:32:55# You've been the sweetest part of my life for so long
0:32:58 > 0:33:02# Are you thinking 'bout you or us?
0:33:02 > 0:33:07# Don't say what you're about to say
0:33:09 > 0:33:15# Look back before you leave my life
0:33:16 > 0:33:22# Be sure before you close that door
0:33:23 > 0:33:29# Before you roll those dice
0:33:29 > 0:33:31# Baby, think twice. #