0:00:02 > 0:00:03Hello to you and thank you for the joining of.
0:00:03 > 0:00:07You might have been wondering how I've been. I've literally made new friends.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10Introducing Aubery.
0:00:10 > 0:00:14And new...Acquain-quinces!
0:00:14 > 0:00:15I don't think I'm weird!
0:00:15 > 0:00:18Sorry, it's still a bit raw, emotionally.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20I blow up at any time.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23I am a human 4x4 - my fleshy vehicle will flatten you!
0:00:23 > 0:00:26Oh, can you pull over if you're texting?
0:00:26 > 0:00:27Or talk! Look around! "LOL."
0:00:27 > 0:00:30- Meditation classes?- No!
0:00:30 > 0:00:31I've been coping.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33It's not the first time I've had to get over Gary.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Although never for good before.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37But I think Mum's been faring worse.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39# Grandma, we love you,
0:00:39 > 0:00:42# Cos Grandma... You'll never be a Grandma! #
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Oh, the breath!
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Better news, Stevie's moved in.
0:00:48 > 0:00:49I didn't want to be on my own.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Right choice, cos the other night...
0:00:51 > 0:00:55- Stevie, I can't get out! - Why is it on?
0:00:55 > 0:00:57I was playing Dolphins.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Could you just, could you cut me out?
0:00:59 > 0:01:02- Yes, come on then. - Don't stab me!
0:01:02 > 0:01:06So, end of me and Gary, but, to new beginnings.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20That's the last of my things.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23I can't wait to show you the surprise in my box.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27New garment purchase.
0:01:27 > 0:01:31Oh, intriguing. I've started packing Gary's things away.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Oh, it's sad.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Do you know, everything he said was right?
0:01:35 > 0:01:38I am getting over him.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Oh, proud of boo.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43And I'll be so much more fun to live with than Gary.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Ta-dah!
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Genius! You look like a member of the Sylvanian family.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54What? I got you a giraffe one.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Rude but fun.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01Now, there is one point I need to make clear.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05The only thing I won't be able to offer you that Gary could,
0:02:05 > 0:02:07there will be no sex.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08And that is fine.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14It's just my allure is strong now
0:02:14 > 0:02:19because my allure moon is in ascendance in the allurosphere.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22- None of that's a thing. - What? Mmm?
0:02:27 > 0:02:29I've solved it.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31We can go ahead, wedding wise.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35The venue is still available, the florist, mood board,
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Everything's sorted!
0:02:37 > 0:02:40The only thing missing is a, what I call, groom.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44It IS a groom. And Mum, no groom, no wedding.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48Tiny detail. Call Mike, get him back from Africa.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Or, there's Benjy.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52How many times? First cousin!
0:02:52 > 0:02:54How many times? This is Surrey!
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Or, there's the Walters-Wood boy.
0:02:58 > 0:03:03He may be addicted to glue but he is blessed, groinally.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- Urgh! Mum, No! - Oh, I've got it!
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Why didn't I think of this before thought of this before?
0:03:09 > 0:03:11The Middleton brother! I'll make a call.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Mum, no, just stop!
0:03:13 > 0:03:16It's two days since I split up with the love of my life,
0:03:16 > 0:03:18who I was going to marry.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21And all you're worried about is what to say at the tennis club
0:03:21 > 0:03:24when someone asks you who your daughter is with.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Well, I've had it! I've officially had it, Mum,
0:03:27 > 0:03:31with your constant meddling and your absolute inability
0:03:31 > 0:03:33to let me be and do and say
0:03:33 > 0:03:38exactly what I want to be and do and say.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42And do you know...? I'm sorry but until you can accept that,
0:03:42 > 0:03:46well, then, you are just going to have to get out of my life.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Mood board.
0:03:58 > 0:03:59Wow.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Right, where was I?
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Did you just tell your mum to...?
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Gary's things. OK.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08What...? I'll open the shop.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Are you sure you're OK?
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Yep. I think that's all his stuff.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Stevie, look what I hath foundeth - my bucket list.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36- Do you remember we did them? - Ooh, yeah!
0:04:36 > 0:04:38This is what will get me over Gary.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41You know, focus on my dreams, instead of faffing with a stupid boy.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Right, let's have a look.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45"1. Marry Gary."
0:04:46 > 0:04:51OK! "2. Have Gary's children." Right...I'm just going to skip down.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Erm... "Go travelling...with Gary."
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Ah, "Nude model in a life art class!"
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Did that! Tick!
0:05:00 > 0:05:03"Spend all day having an all-day breakfast."
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Tick!
0:05:06 > 0:05:09"If I get called 'sir', hit the offender with my bosom."
0:05:09 > 0:05:11- You didn't?- No!
0:05:11 > 0:05:12Tick!
0:05:12 > 0:05:18There's only one left, "Gallop on a horse on a beach..."
0:05:18 > 0:05:20I've always wanted to do that.
0:05:21 > 0:05:22"..with Gary."
0:05:24 > 0:05:25Find yours.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Hello.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30BOTH: Hello?
0:05:30 > 0:05:34I just wondered whether you still had those heart-shaped photo frames?
0:05:34 > 0:05:38Oh, it's you, fav customer! Yes, we do!
0:05:38 > 0:05:40I only want to browse for those.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43You just browse. Browse.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48She's always been a lovely word - hasn't she? "Browse."
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Got it. "Stevie Sutton's Bucket List.
0:05:51 > 0:05:52"1. Ice.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54"2. Fire.
0:05:54 > 0:05:55"3. Sick.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57"4. ..and spade.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59"5. Mop and..."
0:06:05 > 0:06:08That isn't a bucket list. That's just a list of buckets.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10It's my bucket list.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13I want to make sure that I have got one of each kind,
0:06:13 > 0:06:15before I kick the bucket.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Thrilled with that!
0:06:21 > 0:06:23I don't know what to say to you, Stevie Sutton esquire.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25It's ridiculous.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28I have to do something significant to get over Gary.
0:06:28 > 0:06:33Ah, now, excuse me, customer, do you have a bucket list?
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Oh, dear. You said I could browse.
0:06:35 > 0:06:36Give me some examples, please!
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Oh, OK, sky diving.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Well, I am terrified of flying! Will you think?!
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Oh, I know! We should go on the pull.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46A bit of rebound distraction. Somewhere upmarket.
0:06:46 > 0:06:47Find some non-Garys.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50You know - older, sophisticated, classy.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53- More "me".- You, classy?
0:06:53 > 0:06:58- Um...oh...no!- Oh, wow! I thought you were going to...
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Are you all right?
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Mmm? Yes, no...I'm fine. Yeah! No. That's a great idea!
0:07:02 > 0:07:06Basically call Pickfords. I'm moving on.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11We've got an idea, no thanks to you. You obviously don't...
0:07:11 > 0:07:15# Believe in life after love After love, after love... #
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Cher! Fun, yeah!
0:07:17 > 0:07:21Tonight I'm going to spruce like Fiona Bruce!
0:07:21 > 0:07:23- I think I'd like to go, please. - So, where shall we go then?
0:07:23 > 0:07:26I've got a few ideas. There's a wine bar...
0:07:26 > 0:07:30Cease verbal fire. Newsflush. Fsshht!
0:07:30 > 0:07:33We are a tiddle concerned about La Penny.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35She rolled up at the tennis club, v early birdingtons,
0:07:35 > 0:07:36for her ladies four,
0:07:36 > 0:07:40drinking neat gin out of her mixed doubles prize trophy and...
0:07:40 > 0:07:44Insisting - forgive, delicate ladies - and Miranda, what! Haha!
0:07:47 > 0:07:50..insisting the ladies all go commando!
0:07:50 > 0:07:51She'll be fine.
0:07:51 > 0:07:55Well, what about you, Queen Kong la tragique dumpee?
0:07:55 > 0:07:57I'm not a dumpee.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00I am a mutual dumper, if you pardon.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04No, no. I'm fine. We're going on the pull!
0:08:04 > 0:08:08Set co-ordinates for Dumpee Rumpy de pumpy!
0:08:08 > 0:08:10There will not be any sex.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12- What?!- What?! Have I got a wasp in my hair?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Has the Queen come in? No.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18Has somebody found somebody quicker than a Kwik-fit fitter?
0:08:18 > 0:08:23- Calm! You just said "sex". - Did I? "Sex".
0:08:23 > 0:08:30Oh, yes! Sex! Mmm! SEX! Yes!
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Oh, Gosh! Stevie, can we find somewhere else for that stool?
0:08:33 > 0:08:34Someone will trip on that.
0:08:38 > 0:08:44Kong seems wrong. Things are clearly not Great Winslet.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- She's probs obvs totes lovesick. - Oh! What are we talking about?
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- M People! - Treadmills!- Salty snacks!
0:08:50 > 0:08:52- Belinda Carlisle.- Oh!
0:08:56 > 0:08:58- Cheers!- Cheers!
0:08:58 > 0:09:04Oooh! It's very swish, isn't it?. Yeah! A good word "swish".
0:09:04 > 0:09:05SWISH!
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Hello. Thank you for your lovely nuts!
0:09:08 > 0:09:15- "Nuts!"- Focus. We're seductresses. We're seductressising.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18We're cocquettes. Cocquettes o' the night!
0:09:18 > 0:09:20BOTH GIGGLE
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Ooooh! I've pulled! Hi!
0:09:27 > 0:09:29He's waving at the woman behind you!
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Oh, I hate that, now I'm doing this!
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Turn it into something!
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Flute miming! WHISTLES
0:09:38 > 0:09:41That's just weird! Fit in!
0:09:41 > 0:09:43PIANO PLAYS BOTH: Oooh!
0:09:43 > 0:09:46- Look at her!- So stylish!
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Aaaw!
0:09:51 > 0:09:54The pianist is changing the song for every person that comes in!
0:09:54 > 0:09:56I wonder what he'd choose for me?
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Oh, good game! Try it, try it!
0:10:05 > 0:10:08PIANIST PLAYS "Hit Me Baby One More Time"
0:10:08 > 0:10:13- Oh!- Bit o' Britney, I'm thrilled with that!
0:10:13 > 0:10:16- I'm going to try!- You go! You go!
0:10:25 > 0:10:28PIANIST PLAYS "Nellie The Elephant"
0:10:32 > 0:10:35PLAYING ENDS ABRUPTLY PIANO CLANKS
0:10:37 > 0:10:41Oh! He just slipped his room key to her!
0:10:41 > 0:10:44BOTH: Oh! They're escorts!
0:10:44 > 0:10:47BOTH: All the women are escorts.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51Why haven't we been approached? Could we not pass as escorts?
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Yes, how offensive! Oh, here we go!
0:10:53 > 0:10:56BOTH: Good evening.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01- Unacceptable! - So unacceptable!
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Sorry, hang on!
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Excuse me, a little bit of attention!
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Would anybody like to spend the evening with this?
0:11:08 > 0:11:12This little, tarty, fun-sized bag of allure?
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Or this, very, very cheap, you get more for your money,
0:11:15 > 0:11:20and she'll be so grateful, she'll probably end up paying you.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Either way she'll give you a round of applause with her massive bosoms.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26- Oh, you're so sweet! - De nada. They are massive bosoms.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Thank you. They do clap!
0:11:31 > 0:11:34Let's just go, it's got awkward now.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38PIANIST PLAYS Theme from "Bod"
0:11:38 > 0:11:40BOTH: Rude!
0:11:43 > 0:11:45I locked the door!
0:11:45 > 0:11:49Come out, or I'll throw my friend at you!
0:11:49 > 0:11:52- Aaargh!- Aaargh!
0:11:52 > 0:11:53- Aaargh!- Aaargh!
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Stop! We're in a scream loop. Stop!
0:11:56 > 0:11:59- Mum?!- I'm sorry!
0:11:59 > 0:12:03I know you don't want to me here but I didn't know where else to go.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06I think your father and I are over.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10He hasn't been interested in me for years.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Not even in the bedroom department recently.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Don't need to know everything.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Not even when I dressed up as Margaret Mountford
0:12:18 > 0:12:20and handcuffed myself to the Teasmade.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24(Why?!)
0:12:24 > 0:12:29I married so young. I've never really known who I am!
0:12:29 > 0:12:33Oh, Mum, you do realise you don't need a man to define you, don't you?
0:12:33 > 0:12:37You know, Stevie, we were so wrong to go on the pull.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Standing on my own two feet is what will get me over Gary.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41That's what you need, Mum.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45Do you know, I think we should sit happily and proudly upon the shelf.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Yes!
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Knockery-noo!
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Mummy wants to keep the family tradition
0:12:54 > 0:12:57of the groom and father of the bride bare knuckle fighting on wed morn,
0:12:57 > 0:12:59and Charlie won't, and is crying.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01And now I don't even know that I want to get married any more!
0:13:01 > 0:13:05Oh, Tilly, just come and sit on our shelf. Here!
0:13:05 > 0:13:09You know, we've never needed men for the fun times before.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Switch it off!
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Aaaahh!
0:13:16 > 0:13:20We need to look after "our-shelves"!
0:13:24 > 0:13:26No?
0:13:27 > 0:13:31We need to look after "our-shelves"!
0:13:33 > 0:13:35No?
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Think of all the things you can do without your men
0:13:39 > 0:13:42that give you the real freedom to be you!
0:13:42 > 0:13:46I've always wanted to ride on a yak in Bhutan.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48I've always wanted to go to a car-boot sale!
0:13:50 > 0:13:54I always wanted to open my own Build-A-Bear.
0:13:57 > 0:14:02What about you, Miranda? You could build that adult bouncy castle.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06- Too childish. - It's "too childish"?!
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Does anyone else want a snack? I forgot to eat earlier.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11ALL: You forgot to eat?!
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Are you drinking your fruit friends?
0:14:15 > 0:14:18- Mmm.- You're right. She might be losing it.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22I've got it! I know what I'm going to do!
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Weave! Yes!
0:14:24 > 0:14:28I'm going to buy a loom and weave. Yeah!
0:14:28 > 0:14:32I'm going to get back to basics, weave, bake.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36None of Gary's savoury muffins. Savoury muffins?
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Savoury muffins?!
0:14:39 > 0:14:42Weaving! That's it - brilliant!
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Oh, come on, let's celebrate being on the shelf.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Fav anthem. Are you ready?
0:14:48 > 0:14:51# Sisters are doing it for themselves... #
0:14:51 > 0:14:55- Yes? Come on!- Who needs men?! - Go, Mother!
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Come on, ladies. Get up to get down!
0:15:01 > 0:15:05# Sisters are doing it for themselves
0:15:08 > 0:15:11# This is a song
0:15:11 > 0:15:15# To celebrate... #
0:15:18 > 0:15:22Oh, good morning! And nice outfit!
0:15:22 > 0:15:23Thanking you!
0:15:26 > 0:15:28I'm going to take Gary's stuff back to him.
0:15:28 > 0:15:33I am an empowered woman preparing to weave my way back to happiness.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Hello! I was just wondered whether you had those frames in blue.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40- It's for my partner, for our wedding.- Well, come in!
0:15:40 > 0:15:44- I'd rather not attend. - BOTH: Just come in!
0:15:44 > 0:15:46- I'll look for the frames. - I'm going to take this back to Gary.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49What, in a giraffe onesie? Are you quite mad?
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Well, I want him to know I'm over him.
0:15:52 > 0:15:53And for him to be over me.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Cos if I wore something nice, he'd fancy me, wouldn't he?
0:15:56 > 0:16:00In fact, could you just check, could this be sexy?
0:16:04 > 0:16:06It's already getting complicated.
0:16:06 > 0:16:12It's not complicated. It's a simple question. Is this sexy?
0:16:12 > 0:16:15- I'm gay, but I'd say probably not. - And I don't want to smell nice.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18She once deodorised with a rotten pear.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20It was dark and it felt like a roll-on.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23- So, in fact, could you smell me? - I don't want to.
0:16:23 > 0:16:24Just smell me, please!
0:16:24 > 0:16:27I should never have come in here again! Every time!
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Don't worry, Stevie, I've got a new friend.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31- Who are you?- I don't know!
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- Love oo!- Love oo! - Love oo!- No!
0:16:34 > 0:16:36- Oh! - That's my mother!
0:16:36 > 0:16:37- Oh, heavens above! - That's Mike!
0:16:37 > 0:16:39- This is a nightmare! - That's Gary!
0:16:39 > 0:16:41- Why does it keep happening? - Aargh!
0:16:43 > 0:16:48It's musky, sort of digestive biscuit, with a hint of brie.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51So you're going to see Gary for the first time,
0:16:51 > 0:16:53smelling of musky digestive biscuit,
0:16:53 > 0:16:57in a giraffe onesie that makes you look like a mahossive loon.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58Yes, I am!
0:16:58 > 0:17:01I like the weird walk, very off-putting.
0:17:03 > 0:17:04That was my walk.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Well, now I don't know how to walk.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Don't worry! I've got it.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- Goat's cheese and beetroot salad? - Right, why?
0:17:21 > 0:17:23- I'm just not a big fan of goats. - Hello?
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Oh, hi. Sorry, didn't see you there.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Just brought your stuff back - I texted.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33- Yes, sorry, I've just been busy.- Yes.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37- Hi, Jacinta. - Great outfit.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- It's so comfortable I don't care. - Good for you.
0:17:40 > 0:17:41Can I get you something?
0:17:41 > 0:17:45Do you want a muffin? He's just made them. Butternut squash.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47So delish.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49No, thank you.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52I'm glad the savoury muffin has found a happy customer.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56Right, well, there are your things.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59I wanted to say, we did the right thing.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Yes, I think we did. We can still be friends, right?
0:18:03 > 0:18:04I think so. In time.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09I'm off to buy a loom.
0:18:10 > 0:18:11What?
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Nothing.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20See you.
0:18:22 > 0:18:27Stevie, why's the shop closed? I am with loom.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30- Don't trap me with your loom! - Oh, yes, careful.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32As us weavers like to say,
0:18:32 > 0:18:38"You can weave the loom or you can leave the room!"
0:18:38 > 0:18:42Funny! What?
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Miranda. Have a seat.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48You! Mum, what's a therapist doing here?
0:18:48 > 0:18:49What are you all doing?
0:18:49 > 0:18:54I was anxious about revisiting this after our last session.
0:18:54 > 0:18:59For months after, I suffered a long battle with an intimate skin rash.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Overshare.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04But when your friends and family got in touch...
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Hang on, is this an intervention?
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Oh, guys! Seriously. I'm fine.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12You're wearing a giraffe onesie carrying a loom.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Yes, I see that looks a little mad but...I mean...
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Before we hear from you, I'd like to give everyone an opportunity
0:19:18 > 0:19:19to express their concern.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Who would like to go first?
0:19:22 > 0:19:24ALL SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER
0:19:24 > 0:19:26# Stop right now Thank you very much
0:19:26 > 0:19:29# I need somebody with a human touch... #
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Everybody! # Hey, you, always on the ru... #
0:19:32 > 0:19:36Well, this is just jollying, not, not madness!
0:19:36 > 0:19:38Right, let's start.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Erm, you in the distance there.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Sorry, just small.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Start us off.
0:19:48 > 0:19:53I'm worried that Miranda's depressed since her split from Gary.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56For starters, she stopped herself pushing me off my stool.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59ALL TALK AT ONCE
0:19:59 > 0:20:03- Only because she might hurt herself! - But she found it totes hilaire!
0:20:03 > 0:20:04Go!
0:20:09 > 0:20:12England's number one sex goddess!
0:20:12 > 0:20:14All I want to say is, Your Honour,
0:20:14 > 0:20:18that despite my worries, I mean, she is still a child.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21We are concerned she might be depressed.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24She said that a bouncy castle was too childish!
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Oh, hang on, you know, Your Honour,
0:20:26 > 0:20:29I am a child, I'm not a child, she's at sixes and sevens.
0:20:29 > 0:20:34- Question. - # Tell me what you think about me. #
0:20:34 > 0:20:38"Sixes and sevens." What's the origin of that expression?
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Answer: not important now!
0:20:40 > 0:20:42And Mum, I think you're scared I'll grow up
0:20:42 > 0:20:45cos then you won't have a project to distract from your marriage.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47ALL TALK AT ONCE
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Quiet!
0:20:50 > 0:20:53The thing is, that Pen Pen and Kong Kong are actually v close.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55BOTH: Best behaviour!
0:20:55 > 0:20:58DRUM INTRO TO In The Air Tonight
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Oh-ho-ho!
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Psst!
0:21:05 > 0:21:06Go, Miranda!
0:21:08 > 0:21:09But Ryan Sozling,
0:21:09 > 0:21:12I have dos factos buffering on the download
0:21:12 > 0:21:15about Queen of the Kong that are franks tarantulating.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Sorry, is this English?
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Tarantulas? Terrifying. Basic. Keep up!
0:21:20 > 0:21:21Facto uno,
0:21:21 > 0:21:26first sign of Madnessa Redgrave she utterroonied the word "sex"!
0:21:26 > 0:21:29- Is that unusual? - ALL: Yes!
0:21:29 > 0:21:33Second sign of dementulation: she said she forgot to eat supper.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- And is that unusual? - ALL: Yes!
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Tilly-Billy-Bots said that she imbibed her fruit friends.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Though not Aubrey.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Oh, come on! Fruit friends are not normal
0:21:44 > 0:21:46and an aubergine in a fruit smoothie - that would be disgusting.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48It's not madness!
0:21:48 > 0:21:50And the giraffe onesie?
0:21:50 > 0:21:51Well, she is wearing it
0:21:51 > 0:21:55thinking that Gary might find her attractive in anything else.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Which A) I think is a bold claim,
0:21:57 > 0:22:02- and 2) It means... - Letters or numbers!
0:22:02 > 0:22:05..she's not giving herself the option of getting back with him.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Now, if any couple...
0:22:07 > 0:22:09- They are guacamole and.. - ..Doritos.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11BOTH: They just go.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13I'm the new chef.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- Mm!- Wow!
0:22:15 > 0:22:18# I love you just the way you are... #
0:22:21 > 0:22:23- Miranda, just a quick one. - Yes, please!
0:22:27 > 0:22:31- What truly makes your heart skip? - Gary.
0:22:31 > 0:22:32I'm in love with Gary!
0:22:32 > 0:22:35# I will make it up to you
0:22:35 > 0:22:38# I promise you... #
0:22:47 > 0:22:50I think I preferred the old you anyway. Come here!
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Me and Gary are not going to happen.
0:22:55 > 0:23:00I'm finally doing things for me, without the need of approval.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02- And C) Re: the outfit.. - Back to letters!
0:23:02 > 0:23:05..she made a customer sniff her to check she didn't smell sexy!
0:23:05 > 0:23:08I mean, it's true, isn't it?
0:23:08 > 0:23:10I don't know why I'm here.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Sorry, who is he?
0:23:19 > 0:23:21ALL: We don't know.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24We've never known.
0:23:24 > 0:23:25But what I do know is this,
0:23:25 > 0:23:29since I split up with Gary, I've finally worked out who I am.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31There may be no more pushing off the stool,
0:23:31 > 0:23:33or no more fruit friends,
0:23:33 > 0:23:35but I'll always gallop with gay abandon,
0:23:35 > 0:23:39and I'll always find a euphemism in anything,
0:23:39 > 0:23:42I'll always sing if someone inadvertently speaks song lyrics
0:23:42 > 0:23:46and I'll always love the word "plunge".
0:23:46 > 0:23:48And that is not being a child,
0:23:48 > 0:23:50but sometimes the world needs to be jollied.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52Now, if you'll excuse me,
0:23:52 > 0:23:55I've arranged to tick a bucket list entry off.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57ALL: No, don't...!
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Oh, I've got clothes on underneath! Pas de panique!
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Oh, and Stevie, as for saying that Gary might find me attractive
0:24:03 > 0:24:04being a bold claim,
0:24:04 > 0:24:07well, I've also realised that women like me can be sexy,
0:24:07 > 0:24:10it's just the world might never affirm it
0:24:10 > 0:24:13so it just takes us a little longer to realise it.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Now if you'll excuse me.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19ALL TALK AT ONCE
0:24:19 > 0:24:21- Is it all right to leave? - Oh, no, go.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23# Walk out the door
0:24:23 > 0:24:25# Just turn around now
0:24:25 > 0:24:27# You're not welcome any more
0:24:27 > 0:24:30# Aren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye?
0:24:30 > 0:24:32# Did you think I'd crumble?
0:24:32 > 0:24:37# Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh, no, not I
0:24:37 > 0:24:38# I will survive... #
0:24:40 > 0:24:43Now, this is a very important moment in my life, OK?
0:24:43 > 0:24:48So don't throw me off or anything. All right? I'm a fellow galloper.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50This time, you're doing the galloping.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Right, let's do this...
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Walk on.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01THEME FROM Black Beauty
0:25:16 > 0:25:18I'm free!
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Apology breakfast goods, m'lud.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Please munch upon my apologetic brioche.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34I'm so soz about yesterday. Got you a pastry.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37- Oh, I've already got... - That's lovely!
0:25:37 > 0:25:40So how was the horse riding, without Gary?
0:25:40 > 0:25:43It was amazing, I didn't need him there.
0:25:43 > 0:25:44I don't even want to tell him.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46BOTH: Oooh!
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Well, for what it's worth-ers original,
0:25:48 > 0:25:51I think you've felt more you not cos of Gary
0:25:51 > 0:25:54but cos you told Penny to get out of your life.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56- Massively brave. - I did, didn't I?
0:25:56 > 0:25:59- Well, I have to tell Gary that. - What?!
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Well, I have to tell him I stood up to Mum. He would be so...proud.
0:26:02 > 0:26:06Oh, my goodness, you're right, Tilly,
0:26:06 > 0:26:08I can be more me because I've outgrown Mum.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10I don't need Gary.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14But I want him.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16I do, I want him so much.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20I don't want to do my life without Gary.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22BOTH: Oh my goodness!
0:26:22 > 0:26:26You've got to tell him! It might not be too late!
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Ah! I've got to dasherooh, I've got a wedding!
0:26:29 > 0:26:31But Prince Harry, Miranda! Go get him!
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Thank you, Tilly, thank you!
0:26:34 > 0:26:36- Oh!- You've got to get Gary!
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Where am I going to live? No, that's not important now, no!
0:26:39 > 0:26:41OK, well, ring him.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43I'm going to change, I've got to look nice this time.
0:26:43 > 0:26:47Ah, just go, go! Oh, it's straight to voicemail.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Well, ring the restaurant.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54- Hey, is Gary there? - Stevie, Stevie, which one?
0:26:54 > 0:26:56That one. Gorgeous.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Or Jacinta?
0:26:58 > 0:27:02- What?! - What? Where is he, where is he?
0:27:02 > 0:27:05He said Gary was at...his wedding?
0:27:05 > 0:27:08- What? Was Jacinta there?- No.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12BOTH: He's marrying Jacinta!
0:27:13 > 0:27:16I knew it. She liked his savoury muffins.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Classic rebound wedding.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21I mean, I get it, she's pretty, she's funny, she's sweet...
0:27:21 > 0:27:24- Oh, stop talking about Jacinta! - He said it was at Tewkesbury.
0:27:24 > 0:27:25We'll have to drive down.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Tewkesbury - I can't believe this!
0:27:28 > 0:27:31- Why are you down here again? - I don't know!
0:27:31 > 0:27:33I'm running up and down those stairs like a terrified butler.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36- Come on, we need to get the car. - Right, I'll get my driving shoes!
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Driving shoes? You're not 97?!
0:27:43 > 0:27:45And my lumber support cushion.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48Right, shall we just order the walk-in bath now or...?
0:27:48 > 0:27:51- I have a spasm-y glute!- Miranda!
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Stop faffing and get upstairs!
0:27:53 > 0:27:56You need to make yourself look young and fabulous
0:27:56 > 0:27:59because you've got a wedding to stop!
0:28:01 > 0:28:03I have got a wedding to stop!
0:28:04 > 0:28:07Oh, Gary!
0:28:08 > 0:28:10ENGINE REVS
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Head for the M4! I'll set up the Sat Nav. Go!
0:28:12 > 0:28:15TYRES SCREECH SKIDDING
0:28:15 > 0:28:18BOTH: No!
0:28:18 > 0:28:21Flirt! Use the allure!
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Hello, lovely man!
0:28:23 > 0:28:26Could you switch to "Go" for a damsel in distress?
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Just twist your stick!
0:28:29 > 0:28:32She's got to stop the love of her life...
0:28:32 > 0:28:37- Twist your stick! Twist it to go! - Just twist your stick!
0:28:37 > 0:28:41- Twist your stick! Twist your stick! - Oh!
0:28:41 > 0:28:47Twist your stick! Will you twist your stick?! Twist it!
0:28:47 > 0:28:50Will you twist your stick?!
0:28:50 > 0:28:52Go on, Miranda! Go on!
0:28:52 > 0:28:55Twist your stick, please! Just twist!
0:28:55 > 0:28:58Twist his stick!
0:28:58 > 0:29:00He's twisted his stick!
0:29:01 > 0:29:04Let's go! Yay!
0:29:04 > 0:29:07- SATNAV:- 'Turn around as soon as possible.'
0:29:07 > 0:29:10Why's she saying that? Shut up as soon as possible!
0:29:10 > 0:29:12Oh, oh, oh, it's Tewkesbury Hall, not Tewkesbury!
0:29:12 > 0:29:16What?! That's just around the corner from the shop!
0:29:16 > 0:29:18'Turn around as soon as possible.'
0:29:18 > 0:29:21- Oh, shut up, you smug arse! - What are you going to do?
0:29:21 > 0:29:23This. Hold on.
0:29:28 > 0:29:30- Sorry!- Sorry!- Sorry!
0:29:30 > 0:29:36We're actually police. Nee-naw, nee-naw! Bye!
0:29:36 > 0:29:39- Go, Louise. - Love you, Thelma!
0:29:39 > 0:29:41HONKS HORN BOTH: No!
0:29:41 > 0:29:45- Pull over, pull over. Get out!- What?! Why?!
0:29:45 > 0:29:48It could be starting any minute!
0:29:48 > 0:29:51- You'll have to run there!- Run?! - There isn't time to gallop!
0:29:51 > 0:29:55- For Gary! - Wait, it's moving, it's moving!
0:29:55 > 0:29:56- Oh!- The car has been clamped
0:29:56 > 0:29:59because it is in a double yellow restricted zone.
0:29:59 > 0:30:02You have never been so attractive.
0:30:04 > 0:30:05All very lovely!
0:30:05 > 0:30:08You have to stay with your vehicle, madam.
0:30:08 > 0:30:10Sorry, I am throwing caution to the wind
0:30:10 > 0:30:13and there will be wind, for I am running!
0:30:13 > 0:30:16FARTS Gary!
0:30:16 > 0:30:18FARTS REPEATEDLY
0:30:18 > 0:30:20It's my great pleasure to pronounce you...
0:30:20 > 0:30:23No. No!
0:30:23 > 0:30:25MUFFLED CRIES No!
0:30:25 > 0:30:28Do not pronounce! Please!
0:30:28 > 0:30:30Don't get married.
0:30:30 > 0:30:33I'm not. I'm the best man.
0:30:33 > 0:30:35To who?
0:30:35 > 0:30:40- I can't believe this! - To him?!
0:30:40 > 0:30:41No, to me!
0:30:41 > 0:30:46Clive! Oh, my God! You two?! That's fabulous.
0:30:48 > 0:30:51I have to speak to Gary.
0:30:51 > 0:30:54- Uh, sorry, one second! - Sorry!
0:30:54 > 0:30:58No, no, shush. No, I need to speak to you.
0:30:58 > 0:30:59What?
0:30:59 > 0:31:03I was going to come and find you because...
0:31:03 > 0:31:06I bought these this morning.
0:31:06 > 0:31:08Tickets to Wick.
0:31:08 > 0:31:12Will you elope with me? Just us.
0:31:13 > 0:31:19Because I've realised I don't want to be without you.
0:31:22 > 0:31:23I love you, Miranda.
0:31:30 > 0:31:31This is my wedding!
0:31:31 > 0:31:34ALL: Sssh!
0:31:39 > 0:31:43I don't need to elope, it can be on my own terms.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50You have these.
0:31:50 > 0:31:52Be free of your mother.
0:31:52 > 0:31:55I bloody love Wick!
0:31:55 > 0:31:57I bloody love you. And you.
0:32:02 > 0:32:05Right, can you marry us now?
0:32:05 > 0:32:08I could do, yes, but there's another service in here now.
0:32:08 > 0:32:11- Have it at the restaurant. - That's my reception!
0:32:11 > 0:32:13ALL: Sssh!
0:32:13 > 0:32:15Shall we?
0:32:15 > 0:32:17Gallop!
0:32:20 > 0:32:22THEME FROM Black Beauty
0:32:57 > 0:33:00And I promise to only ever make sweet muffins,
0:33:00 > 0:33:04and to remind you to always be yourself,
0:33:04 > 0:33:09because in the words of your favourite singer, Billy Joel,
0:33:09 > 0:33:11I love you just the way you are.
0:33:11 > 0:33:13Oh, I forgot one, sorry.
0:33:13 > 0:33:16I promise never to laugh at your fear of geese.
0:33:16 > 0:33:21Oh, oh, oh, and I promise always to enjoy hotel rooms to the max!
0:33:21 > 0:33:24- Good!- And to teach our children to never stop galloping.
0:33:25 > 0:33:29- Have you finished? - BOTH: Yes!
0:33:29 > 0:33:33Well, they're certainly the most unusual vows I have ever heard,
0:33:33 > 0:33:35I now pronounce you husband and wife.
0:33:40 > 0:33:43Pinch me!
0:33:45 > 0:33:48Go, Heather!
0:33:48 > 0:33:52# What have you done today to make you feel proud? #
0:33:52 > 0:33:54BOTH: Got married!
0:33:54 > 0:33:56Go, Gary!
0:33:56 > 0:34:00# Today this could be
0:34:00 > 0:34:04# The greatest day of your life
0:34:04 > 0:34:08# Before it all ends... #
0:34:08 > 0:34:11I'm sorry I was overbearing.
0:34:11 > 0:34:14I'm going to sort myself out, on a yak.
0:34:17 > 0:34:19I love you.
0:34:19 > 0:34:21I love you too.
0:34:21 > 0:34:23I've just got to say goodbye to someone.
0:34:25 > 0:34:27Dearest chums.
0:34:27 > 0:34:31I don't know when or if we'll see each other again.
0:34:31 > 0:34:35But, just thank you, for being the most amazing friends.
0:34:35 > 0:34:39Love oo.
0:34:39 > 0:34:45MUSIC: "Greatest Day" by Take That