:00:40. > :00:43.APPLAUSE Hello, and welcome to Mock the Week.
:00:43. > :00:48.I'm Dara O'Briain. Joining me this week are Andy Parsons, Ed Byrne,
:00:48. > :00:56.Micky Flanagan and Chris Addison, Hugh Dennis and Diane Morgan.
:00:56. > :00:58.APPLAUSE We start with a round called
:00:58. > :01:06.Headliners. Here's a picture of Labour leader Ed Miliband and his
:01:06. > :01:09.brother in happier times. But what does "EMIT" stand for? Is it evil
:01:09. > :01:14.mannequins in Top Man? LAUGHTER
:01:15. > :01:18.Does it describe Ed's first year in office? Is it elected, married,
:01:18. > :01:23.isolated, terminated? LAUGHTER
:01:23. > :01:33.APPLAUSE Is it just what Ed's brain tells
:01:33. > :01:35.
:01:35. > :01:43.him to do when he's talking, "emit, emit, emit"? It's not simpsimp --
:01:43. > :01:53.simply, "Easy, mate. I'm ticklish"? Is it more street than that, is it,
:01:53. > :01:55.
:01:55. > :01:57."Easy, man. I's tasty"? Is it just, "Ed Miliband is a tosser"?
:01:57. > :02:02.Applauding the sentiment or the hard-hitting nature - applauding
:02:02. > :02:05.the existence of a publication in Britain that would run the head
:02:05. > :02:08.line, "Ed Miliband is a tosser" - this is the paper that tells it
:02:08. > :02:18.like it is - LAUGHTER
:02:18. > :02:23.
:02:23. > :02:26.Is it "Ed might injure troublemaker"? It's not - but is it
:02:26. > :02:32.engineers manufacture imitation Tories? Huh? What's wrong, Britain,
:02:32. > :02:41.too much truth for you? Equally, satirically, is it, "Ed Miliband is
:02:41. > :02:48.Tep Ladder"? Are we doing a call-back to last
:02:48. > :02:51.week's show now? Are we going there, are we? Put down your crowbar, your
:02:51. > :02:53.time-travelling crowbar of comedy! "Ed Miliband in Trouble". Thank you
:02:53. > :02:59.very much. The answer I was looking for was "Ed Miliband in Trouble".
:02:59. > :03:01.This is the news that nine months into the job, Labour leader Ed
:03:01. > :03:04.Miliband is struggling for support within his party and from Labour
:03:04. > :03:09.voters and there has been fresh scrutiny of his relationship with
:03:09. > :03:13.his brother. His brother has come out to defend him, though, hasn't
:03:13. > :03:22.he? Yes. Because apparently their relationships are a bit frosty at
:03:22. > :03:29.the moment, but you're thinking, not as frosty as the Giggs brothers
:03:29. > :03:31.at the moment. At least Ed Miliband can defend himself by going, well,
:03:31. > :03:34.I've only shagged your career. I've not touched your wife."
:03:34. > :03:36.Ed Miliband has demanded that David Miliband is permanently out of
:03:36. > :03:40.focus in photographs. LAUGHTER
:03:40. > :03:44.The Mail are trying to make more out of this sibling rivalry thing,
:03:44. > :03:49.which David has denied, saying, it's a soap opera of which I have
:03:49. > :03:54.no part, and the public have no interest, and then Ed went - $
:03:54. > :03:58.(NERDY VOICE) Then, David said, "I don't sound
:03:58. > :04:02.like that." $ (NERDY VOICE) "I don't sound like that"! Didn't
:04:02. > :04:06.really help themselves. No, you're right. Isn't it time for mum to
:04:06. > :04:10.step in, and go, "You can both be Prime Minister, but you've got to
:04:10. > :04:15.share!" I was talking to a friend, and I was saying, I wonder what Ed
:04:15. > :04:18.Miliband is actually like. And they said, "You've met him." I thought,
:04:18. > :04:24.I have. That is what Ed Miliband is like. I had to be prompted to
:04:24. > :04:30.remember that I had met the man. Where did I meet him? On the Andrew
:04:30. > :04:33.Marr Show. Me, Andrew Marr and Ed Miliband, all dork. Could he have
:04:34. > :04:38.been hiding behind Andrew Marr's ears? You can't do that because
:04:38. > :04:42.they use those for the live feeds. You have to point towards different
:04:42. > :04:50.territories. As the satellites move, so does Andrew Marr's head.
:04:50. > :04:55.you're surprised, the signal goes in Asia. What? What Ed and David
:04:55. > :04:59.never have the opportunity to do? He never had the chance to give a
:04:59. > :05:01.victory speech. His victory speech he had prepared for the Labour
:05:02. > :05:05.leadership election was leaked this week, and it was disappointingly
:05:05. > :05:11.gracious. I felt just once I'd like to see an election where somebody
:05:11. > :05:15.goes, boom! I've done it! I've beat him. Oh, yeah! If you're going to
:05:15. > :05:20.essentially have the option to rewrite history, if you're going to
:05:20. > :05:26.leak a speech, then stick in a few things that make you just nine
:05:26. > :05:29.months later, like, I just believe in the society where anyone from
:05:29. > :05:32.Newcastle could get a job in America, get a job on a talent show
:05:32. > :05:35.and not be sent back - how did I know that was going to happen? And
:05:35. > :05:41.where did he deliver the speech? delivered it to his wife in the car
:05:41. > :05:46.on the way home that must have been an exciting car journey. At some
:05:46. > :05:47.point during the drive home, I'm assuming she went, David, excuse me.
:05:48. > :05:49.I've just got to deliberately set off the airbag."
:05:49. > :05:55.LAUGHTER In other news, who has Ed Miliband
:05:55. > :05:59.attacked this week? The workshy. He wants the workshy to go to work,
:05:59. > :06:02.which I think is a terrible idea. I think they should stay on the dole
:06:02. > :06:06.where they belong. If they're a bit of a drain on the economy, fine. As
:06:06. > :06:09.long as they're not at work, that's when they cause problems. As long
:06:09. > :06:11.as they're on the dole, they're not losing your luggage or derailing
:06:11. > :06:16.your tapes. APPLAUSE
:06:16. > :06:19.As somebody who spent years signing on and working, I'm offended by
:06:19. > :06:24.that to be honest. Can you really get up the energy to be that
:06:24. > :06:28.offended? I used to like the '80s. No-one cared in the '80's - did
:06:28. > :06:32.they? They just went into the unemployment benefit office, people
:06:32. > :06:37.walking about with buckets and ladders in overalls, just getting
:06:37. > :06:42.the hump because the woman was taking so long, "Come on, love.
:06:42. > :06:44.We've all got to get back to work here, come on." It's like the good
:06:44. > :06:48.old days. Which coalition reforms are in the spotlight this week?
:06:48. > :06:51.It's the NHS reforms. This is the whole idea that Cameron had said
:06:51. > :06:54.that basically there is a lot of waste in the NHS. You're thinking,
:06:54. > :07:00.it's a massive organisation. Within that organisation, there is going
:07:00. > :07:02.to be a lot of people presumably sat around on their bum doing very
:07:03. > :07:07.little, but let's face it - a lot of them are very ill.
:07:07. > :07:10.LAUGHTER The biggest worry for me was when
:07:10. > :07:12.Cameron said he wanted to rid the NHS of imbalances. I thought, how
:07:12. > :07:16.are people going to get to hospital?
:07:16. > :07:17.APPLAUSE It
:07:17. > :07:17.It was
:07:17. > :07:17.It was strange
:07:17. > :07:20.It was strange -
:07:20. > :07:23.It was strange - the plan was to hand control to the GPs, who only
:07:23. > :07:27.do a certain part of the work, like. The GPs didn't want this, because
:07:27. > :07:32.they knew, like, could you look after the NHS? I don't know how the
:07:32. > :07:37.big machines work! I just send the people to do the people who can do
:07:37. > :07:43.the big machine - aaah! The whole idea of the GP consortium, though,
:07:43. > :07:46.is basically, isn't it, so doctors not only have to decide what is the
:07:47. > :07:51.best treatment for you, it's also whether that treatment might be
:07:51. > :07:55.value for money. So each time you go and see your GP, to have an
:07:55. > :08:01.argument with themselves, as to what exactly they should be doing.
:08:01. > :08:04.It would be like going to see Gollum - you know, "Come in. Come
:08:04. > :08:08.in, nice man. But he wants the Precious. Ooh, but he's not
:08:08. > :08:12.verywell, no. Let him die. Kill him. Kill him." The key thing they're
:08:12. > :08:17.trying to get rid of, though, is the cost, isn't it? It's the cost
:08:17. > :08:23.of the NHS. And all he could do that with making no changes at all
:08:23. > :08:27.- all you've got to do really is get rid of the confidentiality of
:08:27. > :08:33.the doctors. If you go to the GP and he's not going to be
:08:33. > :08:36.confidential, if he comes out and goes, "Here you have Mr Smith. He's
:08:36. > :08:40.got piles the size of onions" you're note going to go to the
:08:40. > :08:44.doctor again. I don't know if you've been watching Embarrassing
:08:45. > :08:51.Illnesses. People are very happy to show off their weirdnesses. If they
:08:51. > :08:57.could do it in the waiting room, look at that. Look at that. See
:08:57. > :09:02.what I mean? In other news, what's going on here? It's Boris Johnson
:09:02. > :09:07.saying, "Bloody hell. Who called the child support agency?" Boris
:09:07. > :09:11.finally comes in useful as a battering ram. Is he saying, to be
:09:11. > :09:16.honest, I thought the Olympic Village would be a bit smarter than
:09:16. > :09:20.this. He said, "I will not have people keeping these bikes out
:09:20. > :09:24.longer than they've paid for." like a new crap crime drama, isn't
:09:24. > :09:29.it - Toff Cop. It's like he's just at party going,
:09:29. > :09:33."Is the toilet this way?" It's a policeman going, "Ooh look. It's
:09:33. > :09:35.the fat one from Little Britain." You know the drugs are good when
:09:36. > :09:40.you think that the Mayor of London has just come into your flat.
:09:40. > :09:43.Trying to get back to - the police are clearly going in one direction
:09:43. > :09:50.into the flat while Boris is discreetly coming out of the flat,
:09:50. > :09:53."Well done. Keep it up there." in there. Get him! Quick - whew.
:09:54. > :09:59.This white cross on a green background on the policeman's
:09:59. > :10:02.helmet - it looks like one of those things, if you squeeze his head,
:10:02. > :10:10.PlayDoh is going to come out. guy was called Rambo, aged 48, and
:10:10. > :10:15.Johnson, said the words: Which is a fair point, not to the police - "Oh,
:10:15. > :10:21.no, coppers - bloody hell!" He's the last person you should take on
:10:21. > :10:25.a raid because the idea of a raid is the secrecy, right, but he just
:10:25. > :10:30.constantly communityers, bom, bom, bom, bom. Waiting outside the door
:10:30. > :10:35.- "Could you just be quiet? "$$NEWLINE "Bom, bom, bom, bom"
:10:35. > :10:41.Could you be quiet? This is incredibly important. "Bom, bom,
:10:42. > :10:45.bom, bom." He's like a posh motorbike, "bom, bom, bom, bom."
:10:45. > :10:52.just doesn't work the whole - you see American crime movies where the
:10:52. > :10:55.guy - the Police Chief go - I've got the Mayor on my back about this
:10:55. > :10:59.Berkovsky, and behind him Boris is going, "Flumety, flumety...flum,
:10:59. > :11:02.flum, whiff whaff, whiff whaff, whiff whaff.". I think what the
:11:02. > :11:07.BLEEP are you doing here is a perfectly reasonable response.
:11:07. > :11:10.During a raid on your house, and I think it's a perfectly reasonable
:11:10. > :11:15.response for people who worked in the Mayor's office when he first
:11:15. > :11:19.turned up for work. OK. At the end of that round, the points go to
:11:19. > :11:23.Micky, Ed and Andy. Now we play a round called the The Apprentice:
:11:23. > :11:28.You're Funny. This game involves Micky, Diane and Chris. So if you
:11:28. > :11:33.could make your way to the performance area please. This is a
:11:33. > :11:37.stand-up challenge. The first subject is school. Who wants to
:11:37. > :11:42.come into that? Diane. A lot ofly friends are starting to have kids
:11:42. > :11:45.now, and it always amazes me the amount of effort that some parents
:11:45. > :11:48.put into choosing a school for their kids because when I was
:11:48. > :11:55.younger, my parents were like, George Tomlinson's a bit far away,
:11:56. > :12:01.isn't it? She'll only have to cross one road if she goes to St Peter's.
:12:01. > :12:06.That's settled, then. St Peter's it is. Yeah, they've got a high
:12:06. > :12:10.teenage pregnancy rate, but she probably won't get knocked over."
:12:11. > :12:13."Et momentum mori etway" - that was the Latin that was over the door at
:12:13. > :12:18.my school. It means "Knocked up, but not knocked down".
:12:18. > :12:23.LAUGHTER APPLAUSE
:12:23. > :12:25.It's a rubbish school, my school, though. It's really rubbish. My
:12:25. > :12:34.domestic science class was about 45 minutes long, so they didn't have
:12:34. > :12:41.time to show us how to prepare and cook an apple pie from scrap. So to
:12:41. > :12:47.save time, to cut corners, they said, "Bring in some ready-made
:12:47. > :12:53.pastry and a tin of apples - ready- made, ready-made, all ready-made
:12:53. > :12:58.pastry and a tin of - I don't know why they just didn't have a class
:12:58. > :13:04.on how to buy an apple pie. Thank you very much. OK. Let's spin
:13:04. > :13:08.the wheel again. The subject is technology. Chris. We really take
:13:08. > :13:11.technology for granted now. We live in an age of miracles, not that you
:13:11. > :13:14.would know this - not that you would know this, because we take
:13:14. > :13:19.everything, everything, just as it's owed to us - wireless - you've
:13:19. > :13:23.got wireless, right, in your house, yes? Some of the older people going,
:13:23. > :13:27."Of course I've got bloody wireless. How do you think I listen to The
:13:27. > :13:31.Archers. It's on permanently in case they declare war. I'm not
:13:32. > :13:38.getting caught out twice. I'm not. Wi-fi - I mean wireless, fireless,
:13:39. > :13:43.right? When you first saw wire wire wire, you thought, look. That is
:13:43. > :13:47.the science fiction of my childhood years available to me now in my
:13:47. > :13:51.adult years. Thank you, thank you, oh, prove dintial universe to be
:13:51. > :13:55.alive at the time such as this - the privilege! And now within half
:13:55. > :13:58.an hour you're going, work, you bastard! Half an hour is the time
:13:59. > :14:04.between miracle and basic human rights. We're pathetic. You can be
:14:04. > :14:06.sat in your front room watching Hole in the Wall, right, with your
:14:06. > :14:10.laptop with every piece of information - you could possibly
:14:10. > :14:15.want in the universe is available to be beamed through the dust of
:14:15. > :14:19.your sitting room to right in front of your chops - that is a bona fide
:14:19. > :14:26.miracle. It goes down for 40 seconds, and you go, oh, my God!
:14:26. > :14:30.This is like living in a third- world country. I wish I was dead!
:14:30. > :14:35.Well done, Chris. Thank you very much. That leaves us with Micky.
:14:35. > :14:45.Let's see what you have been left with. And the topic is fashion.
:14:45. > :14:46.
:14:46. > :14:50.Bound to be, wasn't it? I've returned to the vest. It happened a
:14:50. > :14:55.couple of years ago. I was walking through Mark's to get me pants. You
:14:55. > :15:00.always go back to mark's. They know. They look at you - they go -
:15:00. > :15:05."You've come for - you went to Next, didn't you? You got flash." And I
:15:05. > :15:11.saw the vests - I saw the vests, packet of sing let vests, I thought,
:15:11. > :15:14.I'm having them. I put them in my basket. I covered them over like
:15:14. > :15:19.pornography. I got to the counter, I said to the woman, "Get them in
:15:19. > :15:23.the back, love. Get them in the bag. "". I got home. I shook one of
:15:23. > :15:31.these vests out, put it on, thought, that is the answer. My wife come
:15:31. > :15:35.home, she said, "What's all this with the vests?" I said I like them.
:15:35. > :15:39.She said, "I don't mind, but only indoors." For a couple of years
:15:39. > :15:44.I've worn the vests sort of in secret. But the other day I'd had a
:15:44. > :15:49.couple of cans of beer, and I wanted a couple more, so I got up
:15:49. > :15:54.to go out, and my wife said, "Da, da, da - the vest.". I said, "No
:15:54. > :16:01.more. I refuse to live a lie! I'm standing up for vest wearers all
:16:01. > :16:04.over the world." I marched off down the offfy. I got two cans of Stella
:16:04. > :16:07.Artois, put one in my back pocket, cracked the other open, and I
:16:07. > :16:11.walked back from the "offy" in me vest. I made a discovery - you
:16:11. > :16:17.drink a can of Stella and wear a vest, you get a bit of space.
:16:17. > :16:27.LAUGHTER Well done there. Points to Micky
:16:27. > :16:31.
:16:31. > :16:34.Flanagan. Our next round is called answer answer -- "If This is the
:16:34. > :16:37.Answer, What's the Question?". On the board are six categories. Diane,
:16:37. > :16:42.which category would you like? America. OK. Your category is
:16:42. > :16:46.America. The answer is, "Around 24,000". What is the question?
:16:46. > :16:49.it, how many pictures of Pippa Middleton's arse were in the News
:16:49. > :16:55.of the World today? Is it how many people have to be in a Post Office
:16:55. > :16:59.before they open a second cashier? LAUGHTER
:16:59. > :17:04.Is it how many perfectly normal children's names there are that
:17:04. > :17:12.Gwyeneth Paltrow seems to be completely unaware of? How many
:17:12. > :17:17.monkeys were shaved to provide Rooney's hair transplant? As a bald
:17:17. > :17:21.man, you can't even say the word "hair transplant". It's a betrayal
:17:21. > :17:24.of you and everything you stand for. LAUGHTER
:17:24. > :17:29.Is it the number of Fathers' Day cards Ryan Giggs is going to
:17:29. > :17:32.receive - LAUGHTER
:17:32. > :17:35.Is it how many salads can you buy for the price of one in Berlin
:17:35. > :17:40.Aldi? LAUGHTER
:17:40. > :17:43.Is it - is it what ticket number would make you think, do you know,
:17:43. > :17:49.I think I might come back to this deli counter tomorrow?
:17:49. > :17:54.LAUGHTER APPLAUSE
:17:54. > :17:58.Is it how many missed calls Simon Cowell has from Cheryl Cole?
:17:58. > :18:02.APPLAUSE Is it how many Olympic tickets did
:18:02. > :18:07.you have to apply for to get row Z for the synchronised swimming?
:18:07. > :18:10.LAUGHTER How many times could I punch Piers
:18:10. > :18:20.Morgan in the face before it stopped being fun and I continued
:18:20. > :18:21.
:18:21. > :18:26.to do it out of a sense of duty? Is it the number of times I say
:18:26. > :18:36.what a load of bollocks when my wife is watching La Christ a candle
:18:36. > :18:42.Do you want a clue? Is it how many pages of the males have they've
:18:42. > :18:49.released from Sarah Palin? Very good. -- e-mails. Approximately how
:18:49. > :18:53.many pages of Sarah Palin's e-mails were released this week. 24,199
:18:53. > :19:01.pages of the mouse have been released by the Alaska governor's
:19:01. > :19:06.office under freedom of information laws. They date from 2006 to 2008.
:19:06. > :19:12.What did they reveal? Quite a lot of them said, do you want to buy a
:19:12. > :19:16.Kindle for Father's Day? They are quite boring. Females about her
:19:16. > :19:19.frustration with journalists who keep asking her whether she
:19:19. > :19:24.believes that dinosaurs co-existed with people. Or she really needs to
:19:24. > :19:29.do is show them a poet -- picture of herself standing next to John
:19:29. > :19:33.McCain and say yes. She has got very little grasp of history. Sarah
:19:33. > :19:37.Palin would not work in this country. The rednecks like her
:19:37. > :19:42.because she is quite fit with no grasp of what happened in the past.
:19:42. > :19:46.It would be like us selecting the next prime minister, Kelly Brook,
:19:46. > :19:49.and for giving her when she said the reason Churchill was the
:19:49. > :19:59.greatest ever Britain was because he provided this country with cheap
:19:59. > :20:06.car insurance. Are you paying too much for your car insurance? She is
:20:06. > :20:12.unbelievably dull in her private e- mails. They are really dull. As
:20:12. > :20:19.opposed to what she publicly does, like for example sitting on a couch
:20:20. > :20:29.covered dead bear. She hides the boring things. It is only to keep
:20:30. > :20:31.
:20:31. > :20:37.the crowd away. Nature in balance. The two of them trapped. It is a
:20:37. > :20:43.cloud base. It looks like the start of one of the weirdest porn movies
:20:43. > :20:49.you are ever going to watch in your life. 24,000 in 21 months, just
:20:49. > :20:57.over 1,000 per month, 50 today. Which is about six an hour. Welcome
:20:57. > :21:01.to Mathew! She is sending six-speed e-mails every hour. Is that a lot?
:21:01. > :21:08.How does she time -- find time to govern? And the bears do most of it.
:21:08. > :21:15.That is why they have to arm them. How have exam boards let down
:21:15. > :21:21.students? By asking questions that are unanswerable. How? They didn't
:21:21. > :21:28.have enough information in them. Mistakes on the paper. On one of
:21:28. > :21:31.the sports science papers it said, name. This is an impossible maths
:21:31. > :21:41.exam, rubbish. You only know a maths exam is impossible when you
:21:41. > :21:42.
:21:42. > :21:47.hear a voice at the back saying, this is bullshit, I'm leaving.
:21:47. > :21:54.Trying to the river -- trying to reverse, bang. The best answer ever
:21:54. > :21:59.was teachers... It is boring to be invigilating exams and they had
:21:59. > :22:05.games they devised. Who is the ugliest student? One of them would
:22:05. > :22:15.walk down and Stan next to who they thought was the ugliest. And then
:22:15. > :22:16.
:22:16. > :22:20.walk back up. They thought he was the ugliest... That was possibly
:22:20. > :22:23.apocryphal but somebody coming out of a biology exam and complaining
:22:23. > :22:29.they have thrown in a physics question. This guy was saying I
:22:29. > :22:39.know about charged particles and an eye on, but I have never heard of
:22:39. > :22:45.an onion. We didn't exam once, in one of those big halls with
:22:45. > :22:50.different classes, and one girl had a fit because it went wrong. Awful.
:22:50. > :22:54.She was crying at the table really loudly and they had to get her out.
:22:54. > :23:00.We were only an hour into a three- hour exam. It was tough enough
:23:00. > :23:08.without this. They put her just outside the door. Every time
:23:08. > :23:12.somebody went to the toilet you would hear... You knew the person
:23:12. > :23:16.would come back from the toilet and you'd go... I don't want to hear
:23:17. > :23:23.it! Was that because the invigilator was standing outside
:23:23. > :23:30.the door next to her saying, this one! At the end of that round, the
:23:30. > :23:34.points go to Chris, Hugh and Diane. Now we come to Scenes We'd Like To
:23:34. > :23:37.See. So if everyone can make their way over to the performance area.
:23:37. > :23:40.I'll read out this week's topics and then we'll see what our
:23:40. > :23:42.panellists can come up with. OK, here we go. The first subject is
:23:42. > :23:46.Unlikely Things To Hear On A History Documentary.
:23:46. > :23:56.The Russians had Lemsip, the Americans had Night Nurse. This was
:23:56. > :24:02.
:24:02. > :24:05.And it was in this humble florists Guy Fawkes' bid to blow up the
:24:05. > :24:14.Houses of Parliament failed when he realised his body was made of
:24:14. > :24:24.jumpers and his head was an old Tonight on Bruce Forsyth's History
:24:24. > :24:25.
:24:25. > :24:28.of Britain - Boadicea, to see you Horatio Nelson, one arm, one eye -
:24:28. > :24:38.a tragic example of what can happen if you fall asleep and someone
:24:38. > :24:47.
:24:47. > :24:50.Welcome to Biggest Historical Boobs Tonight I intend to find out
:24:50. > :25:00.exactly what did happen to Hitler's other ball and my search begins
:25:00. > :25:02.
:25:02. > :25:12.And on Time Team tonight we are in Stratford-on-Avon, where we've
:25:12. > :25:15.uncovered loads of monkey skeletons When Hitler started writing Mein
:25:15. > :25:25.Kampf he intended it to be a light- hearted romp called Carry On
:25:25. > :25:28.John F Kennedy, Indira Gandhi, John Lennon - if history teaches us
:25:28. > :25:38.anything it's that if you don't want your child assassinated, don't
:25:38. > :25:38.
:25:38. > :25:48.To be honest I'm not interested in all this old nonsense really, but,
:25:48. > :25:49.
:25:49. > :25:58.um, since the end of Blackadder the It's hard to believe that this
:25:58. > :26:08.crumbling old ruin presented Of course the Bronze Age was the
:26:08. > :26:09.
:26:09. > :26:19.And now the documentary that every Channel Five commissioner has
:26:19. > :26:21.
:26:21. > :26:24.We've been digging in this field in Hampshire for three weeks and we've
:26:24. > :26:34.found this one piece of crockery which tells us we desperately need
:26:34. > :26:38.
:26:38. > :26:48.OK, the next topic is Unlikely We apologise to customers who have
:26:48. > :26:49.
:26:49. > :26:58.recently alighted at Northampton. I Could all the people shopping here
:26:58. > :27:08.at ASDA please accept that you are Clean up required in the magazine
:27:08. > :27:09.
:27:09. > :27:19.Would the parents of the lost child please pick him up from the meeting
:27:19. > :27:23.
:27:23. > :27:32.I'd like to remind customers that our special offer this week is 100%
:27:32. > :27:41.If you'd like to upgrade to first class then you should have worked
:27:41. > :27:51.harder at school and got a better Could the small boy holding the owl
:27:51. > :27:53.
:27:53. > :27:56.stop running at the wall between Would the man on pump number four
:27:56. > :28:06.please remove the nozzle from the backside of the man on pump number
:28:06. > :28:09.
:28:09. > :28:11.Could the owner of the Ford Fiesta 1100 in the car park with the
:28:11. > :28:21.tinted windows and the go faster stripes...sort your life out, mate,
:28:21. > :28:27.Er, I can't remember what the code is... Er, would Mr Fire please
:28:27. > :28:32.report - please report to the kitchen. That's Mr Out Of Control
:28:32. > :28:41.Fire please report to the kitchen before it's too late. I don't want
:28:41. > :28:51.The train now approaching platforms 3,4 and 5, is the derailed three
:28:51. > :28:52.
:28:53. > :29:02.Would the owners of a black jaguar please move it as it's attacking
:29:02. > :29:05.This is your captain speaking - you can now turn on your mobile phones
:29:05. > :29:15.as you'll need to text your loved ones goodbye before we plummet into
:29:15. > :29:22.
:29:22. > :29:26.And the points go to Chris, Hugh That's the end of the show. This