0:00:03 > 0:00:06- Goodnight. - See you tomorrow, then, love.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13RUSTLING
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Right, you know the plan, Marion.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Let's get the birthday card and get the rock out of here!
0:00:45 > 0:00:46This is it.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Damn it! Bereavement section.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Left a bit. Left, left!
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Christening...
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Anniversary...
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Purple Ronnie...
0:01:05 > 0:01:07It's funny because it's true!
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Also because it's got the word "fart" in it.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- Hurry up!- Sorry...
0:01:12 > 0:01:15- Oh, perfect! Vince'll love this. - 'Am I bovvered though!
0:01:15 > 0:01:18'Am I? Am I bovvered? Am I bov...?'
0:01:19 > 0:01:23Oh, God! She's coming! Move, Marion!
0:01:25 > 0:01:30Ha-ha-ha! Ah, Nels, man, we was ninja!
0:01:30 > 0:01:33- Ninja!- Oh, no...
0:01:33 > 0:01:38Oh, God, no-o-o-o!
0:01:40 > 0:01:41Wrong size.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43MARION SIGHS
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Hold up, Nelson. You did all that, just to get Vince
0:01:55 > 0:01:58- a crappy little birthday card? - Man, you are such a prick.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01It is the little things in life that mark us out from the savages.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Still, I do get myself into some bloody scrapes.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08I'm worse than naughty Marley from Marley & Me!
0:02:10 > 0:02:14- Marley! What have you done this time?- What? Seriously, what?
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Oh, that. Yeah.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23Kind of went off in her mouth there.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27Well, better go get groomed. Laddie's coming over in a bit.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30- Another new boyfriend?- Uh-huh.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33My, my, Destiny, you are some kind of slag.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Oi! I totally thought this was the one, you know.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38He's a sheepdog, got his own flock.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41But, God, he's always telling me what to do.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45Come by! Come by! Come by my place! We'll watch the Beethoven trilogy.
0:02:45 > 0:02:51Don't wear that collar, it's too tarty, makes you look like a whore. Now away! Away! Away!
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Whoa! Sounds like a proper control freak, innit?
0:02:54 > 0:02:58- You should dump him, yeah? Probably start hitting you and that. - What, to make himself feel better?
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Exactly! Plus you've just got one of those faces...
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Kali! She is right, though. You should break up with him...
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Oh, shut up! God, seriously,
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- if one more person bosses me about, I'll...- Destiny! Eat your dinner.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Right, you asked for this, you fat-arsed, mouth-breathing sack of...
0:03:12 > 0:03:16Chicken liver? Nice choice. Tres bien!
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Look, if this Laddie's coming over, maybe I'll stick around,
0:03:19 > 0:03:21like, in case he gets violent.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23- Yeah, what, for support?- Yeah.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26For support...
0:03:31 > 0:03:34SHE SCREAMS, SPLAT!
0:03:34 > 0:03:35OK, Vince...
0:03:35 > 0:03:37surprise!
0:03:37 > 0:03:43Oh... Jesus! You are such a girly, metrosexual wanker!
0:03:43 > 0:03:45But in a good way, though, yeah?
0:03:45 > 0:03:49So what else you got me, then? Eh? A children's entertainer?!
0:03:49 > 0:03:52No! As if!
0:03:52 > 0:03:53Abort! Abort!
0:03:53 > 0:03:58Nelson, foxes don't have rooftop picnics, yeah?
0:03:58 > 0:04:02- Just like we don't have christenings or baby showers or- BLEEP- star signs.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05OK! God!
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Talk about classic Libra.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Where have you been all day? I called you every five minutes on this thing.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13HE SNIFFS
0:04:13 > 0:04:15You've been with someone else, haven't you?
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- What?!- That's it, I'm muzzling you.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Hey, enough! Laddie, you're dumped.
0:04:21 > 0:04:22What?
0:04:22 > 0:04:24And before you even think about hitting me...
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Destiny, I'm not going to hit you!
0:04:27 > 0:04:28Right, sorry, do you mind me asking why not?
0:04:28 > 0:04:31- Destiny, I love you. - Well, save it, because we're done.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33You're way too controlling.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Oh, don't leave me. Please. I'll...
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- I'll hang myself!- Oh, whatever!
0:04:39 > 0:04:41And, I mean, for God's sake,
0:04:41 > 0:04:43what are you even going to hang yourself from?
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- Oh. - Always pays to be prepared, innit?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Seriously, call yourself a fox?
0:04:48 > 0:04:51I am a fox! I just don't let it define me.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- You what?- I'll show you.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Marion, my watercolours... HE CHOKES
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Maybe later.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Point is, I AM a regular wild child!
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- Right. And I am the Duchess of- BLEEP.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07OK, I shall prove it.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Marion, a party popper!
0:05:09 > 0:05:12God, I only hope you know what you are doing.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14HOARSELY: # I can't live
0:05:14 > 0:05:17# If living is without you... #
0:05:17 > 0:05:18HE CHOKES
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Oh, just come down! Please!
0:05:21 > 0:05:24# I can't give any more... #
0:05:24 > 0:05:26You're embarrassing me.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28You've Been Framed, here I come!
0:05:28 > 0:05:31I'm going to fire this at my own face
0:05:31 > 0:05:33in clear breach of health and safety protocol.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Then we'll see who's wild.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38If, indeed, I can still see.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43OK! Fine! We're not broken up.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45- Really?- Really.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Good.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49OK, why isn't this...?
0:05:49 > 0:05:54- Argh! The tiny, circular piece of card went right into my eye!- Whoa, Vince, steady on.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57- Now, about that collar...- Argh!
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Well, now there's a stroke of luck.
0:06:04 > 0:06:09I'm...OK. Just a little...scratch.
0:06:09 > 0:06:10Oh, oh...
0:06:10 > 0:06:14It is worse than that injury I got when I appeared on Fifth Gear!
0:06:14 > 0:06:18It might be thirstier than a camel with a hangover...
0:06:18 > 0:06:20NELSON: It is a 30 zone... BUMP!
0:06:20 > 0:06:22..but it handles like a middle-aged virgin.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24God, did I hit something?
0:06:24 > 0:06:27And I still say the suspension felt spongy.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Nelson, he's losing blood. Like, onto me!
0:06:30 > 0:06:31We've got to do something!
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Well, my auntie used to say Horlicks and a hot bath could cure everything!
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Until she died of pancreatic cancer.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38HE GAGS
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Gross! He's going into, like, shock or something.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Nelson... Something I want you to know.
0:06:44 > 0:06:45If I die...
0:06:45 > 0:06:49Oi! Now, don't you go getting all mushy on me, Vince.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53..I'm going to come back as a spirit and rape you.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Like in that film Ghost.
0:06:55 > 0:06:56Yeah...
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Pretty sure that's not what happens.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Till then...run my patch for me.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06Run your patch? Vince, I would be abso-bloody-lutely honoured!
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Pff! Him? He's totally crap at all that stuff!
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- Oi! I've marked my territory. - With bunting.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15- Still counts.- Look after my manor...
0:07:15 > 0:07:19or I will bum you, literally, to death.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22HE CHOKES AND SPLUTTERS
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Now, I'm no Freudian, but there's a chap with issues.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32# If I die before I wake
0:07:33 > 0:07:35# At least in heaven... #
0:07:35 > 0:07:38My clip would've been loads better than this crap.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42Oh, a dog on a skateboard, real original(!)
0:07:42 > 0:07:46Seriously, come back, Jeremy Beadle, all is forgiven.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54HE ROARS
0:07:56 > 0:07:59OK, sheepdog. Brown bin or blue bin?
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Hmm...blue bin.
0:08:02 > 0:08:09So, guys, turns out I've pretty much put Vince into something of a birthday coma.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12And there's me thinking National Trust membership was a crappy gift.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Marion, they have got sites all over the country,
0:08:15 > 0:08:16and it's not just you, you're entitled to take a guest.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Not that you've ever offered.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22- Did you want something? - Oh. Er, well, until Vince is better,
0:08:22 > 0:08:25he wants me to take care of his territory.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30Vince's place, man. That is mad rough.
0:08:30 > 0:08:36Apparently, Vince's territory is so rough, even the rapists carry rape alarms.
0:08:36 > 0:08:42Um, OK, er, look, Marion, why don't you just come along,
0:08:42 > 0:08:46just to observe, vis-a-vis how the old fox territory scenario plays out? Hm?
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Perfect. This way I learn the ways of wild from my good friend Nelson.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52TV: 'Look what happens when this little electro cutie
0:08:52 > 0:08:55'catches up on all the latest current affairs!'
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Ha-ha, check it - that pigeon's going to be toast!
0:08:58 > 0:09:00What?! That's my mum!
0:09:02 > 0:09:05- Argh! I'm burning! - LAUGHTER ON TV
0:09:05 > 0:09:08My flesh is burning! Help me!
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Don't just stand there filming me, you monster!
0:09:11 > 0:09:13(Mama.)
0:09:17 > 0:09:20So, Vince's place should be just along here.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Come on, Nelson, you're an animal, you're an animal, you're an...
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Oh, nuts, I left my pepper spray in my other purse.
0:09:25 > 0:09:26We're here.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Whoa!
0:09:29 > 0:09:32But...it's immaculate!
0:09:32 > 0:09:35He's got a pool! If I'd known, I'd have brought my cossie.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Hang up, what is this dude's problem?
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Ha-ha, Marion, don't be ridiculous!
0:09:40 > 0:09:43(He's Irish, they can be touchy.)
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Sorry, mate, he's been on the bottle!
0:09:46 > 0:09:47IRISH ACCENT: So he has.
0:09:47 > 0:09:52Now, we've just got to keep this place exactly as it is until Vince gets back.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54And how hard can that be, eh?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Now... Boules? Hup!
0:09:57 > 0:10:01Oh, nice! Reclaimed wood.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Stephen K Amos! You scared the life out of me!
0:10:07 > 0:10:08Don't hurt us, master!
0:10:08 > 0:10:11- Please, master! - Let us free, master!
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Er, Marion...
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Think I've been mistaken for Boy George again.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20Eat my pain, you pope-bothering bitch!
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Oh, joy. You're doing that.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Obviously I'm, like, devastated Laddie died.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35And I'm worried about his flock.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39You know what sheep are like - brainless, they'll follow anything.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43Yes, I WOULD like to learn more about your bullshit religion.
0:10:43 > 0:10:48But, God, Laddie was always, like, telling me what to do.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Like I don't get enough of that from Gary indoors.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54"Don't sit there, don't chew that. Don't go down to the woods today."
0:10:57 > 0:11:01So... This is a big surprise.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03No, don't, don't stop on my account.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07It's just...kind of in the middle of a public footpath.
0:11:07 > 0:11:12It's, like, the only one around here who don't make demands on me is, like...
0:11:12 > 0:11:15well, you.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19Listen, Vince. Would you like to go for a walk with me?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Just say if you don't want to.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23HE GURGLES
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Sweet.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36- Mama!- Kali, you're home!
0:11:36 > 0:11:38What are you doing here?
0:11:38 > 0:11:42What do you think? I came to see you! Also, I brought some washing.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45Kali...I...I don't have long left.
0:11:45 > 0:11:50OK, OK, now, don't you dare die on me!
0:11:52 > 0:11:54No, seriously, because all my holiday stuff is in there
0:11:54 > 0:11:56and a few of us are thinking about Magaluf.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58You've Been Framed...
0:11:58 > 0:12:00they did this to me.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01Kettle on first, catch up later?
0:12:01 > 0:12:08I...I... I didn't even get the £250...
0:12:08 > 0:12:09Mum?
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Mum!
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Mama's gone!
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Dad, Dad, it's Mum!
0:12:15 > 0:12:18She's... She's dead!
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Oh, no! Oh, God, no!
0:12:21 > 0:12:24SOBS
0:12:24 > 0:12:26You got any idea where she kept the tea bags?
0:12:26 > 0:12:29- Oh, should be some in the tin over by t'chimney.- Oh, all right.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Holy Fritzl!
0:12:31 > 0:12:34So this is how Vince keeps his place looking so nice.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37He... He only keeps us alive so he can eat us!
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Or make us do his gardening.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Or hold us down and then bum us!
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Just me? Seriously?
0:12:45 > 0:12:50- Actually, I'm kind of flattered. - Please, new fox, you have to let us out!
0:12:50 > 0:12:52I'd love to, really I would, but until Vince is better...
0:12:52 > 0:12:57- How do you mean, "better"? - Vince, he's in the coma, like Detective Sam Tyler.
0:12:58 > 0:13:04- My name is Vince Fox. I had an accident and woke up in 19...- BLEEP- ..73.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Am I mad, back in time, or in a coma?
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Hello, just pissed myself. It's a coma.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14Point is, until he gets better, I'm kind of in charge around here and...
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Vince is a vegetable! We're free!
0:13:17 > 0:13:19No, get back, no! Hey?
0:13:20 > 0:13:21Stop! Stop!
0:13:23 > 0:13:25CAR ALARM WAILS
0:13:26 > 0:13:30Still, at least they took care of this beardy-weirdy, yes?
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I'm a dead man!
0:13:34 > 0:13:39# I never thought I'd feel this way The way I feel
0:13:39 > 0:13:40# About you
0:13:47 > 0:13:51# As soon as I wake up every night Every day
0:13:53 > 0:13:58# I know that it's you I need to take the blues away
0:13:59 > 0:14:03# It must be love, love, love
0:14:04 > 0:14:08# It must be love, love, love
0:14:09 > 0:14:12# Nothing more, nothing less... #
0:14:12 > 0:14:15And I had a real nice time, the two of us,
0:14:15 > 0:14:17gabbling away like a pair of little kids.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Innit, Vince?
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Exactly!
0:14:22 > 0:14:23Sounds corny, I know,
0:14:23 > 0:14:28but it's like - retch alert - I've finally found someone who listens.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Someone who just lets me be me...
0:14:32 > 0:14:34- Vince! Get up! Get up! - What are you doing?
0:14:34 > 0:14:38He needs to come home! His territory, it's gone totally Basra!
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Nelson! He's in a coma, yeah? You can't just wake him up.
0:14:41 > 0:14:46Hmm? Really? Well, we'll see who can't wake people out of comas. Marion, bring in...
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Ronan Keating!
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Eternally sorry, Nelson.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Apparently he's mixing his new single at studio in Norway.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58- You have got to be kidding me. - Keith Duffy is available.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Oh, yeah, Marion. Like Keith Duffy ever roused anyone from a coma(!)
0:15:01 > 0:15:05- You idiot!- Don't be like this. I got you little something to say sorry.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09OK, if that's the fat one from Westlife, I don't even want to see it.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12- Which fat one?- Any of them!
0:15:13 > 0:15:16That's it, then. Guess he's not waking up.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18VINCE GROANS
0:15:18 > 0:15:21I'll just have to try and deal with his bloody territory on my own.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Well, look, don't worry about Vince.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26- I'll take good care of him. - Thanks.
0:15:26 > 0:15:31Now, Marion, if that's the runty one from JLS, we are going to have words.
0:15:35 > 0:15:40Ah! I'm all kind of excited. When can we go back to Vince's place?
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Actually, I'm not going in today.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- My, er, glands are up. - No frigging way!
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Hope it's not the mumps, the silent killer.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Marion, mumps isn't the silent killer.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Tim's the silent killer, aren't you, Tim?
0:15:52 > 0:15:55DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Actually, no.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Might be thinking of someone else there.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Oh, God. How embarrassing.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Apologies. I didn't mean to show you up, you know.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07No, no, no, no. Totally my fault.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Ah, salt! Salt's the silent killer.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Yes, yes, that is right.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15- It's fine, you know, I get it a lot. - Anyway, love to the wife.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Nice man, terrible drinking problem.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22You have to get Vince's place back under control. He'll kill you!
0:16:22 > 0:16:25How? If I go back there, they'll kill me!
0:16:25 > 0:16:28They're animals! Not that it's their fault.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29Bet they can barely even...
0:16:29 > 0:16:31read...
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Marion, I'll meet you over there.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38- KALI SOBS - Oh, Kali. Why so sad?
0:16:38 > 0:16:40It's Mama. She's...
0:16:40 > 0:16:44She's with the other pigeons now.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48- In Heaven?- In the guttering above Blockbuster.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50I am forever sorry for your loss.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52And if there's anything you want from me...
0:16:52 > 0:16:56There is only one thing I want. Revenge!
0:16:56 > 0:17:01Revenge against this hairless high priest of home-video hatred!
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Death to Harry Hill, and everything he stands for!
0:17:04 > 0:17:10Except TV Burp. I quite like that!
0:17:10 > 0:17:12- Oh, no. - SHE SUCKS HER TEETH
0:17:12 > 0:17:15I didn't think that through.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20By Tyson's lisp!
0:17:20 > 0:17:23- They've wrecked the place. - Don't panic, I've got this.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Guys? If we could just form a circle?
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Or a semicircle, whatever you find...
0:17:29 > 0:17:31- OK, who threw that?- I did.
0:17:31 > 0:17:35Well, kudos. Because that's really heavy.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Yeah, especially for a girl.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39No, you're right, that was sexist.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42See, I've been thinking and I know where your anger comes from.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Why you smash stuff and vandalise things
0:17:45 > 0:17:46and throw Breville steam irons at people.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49It's because you're not middle class.
0:17:49 > 0:17:50You what?
0:17:50 > 0:17:52But I know how to make you that way.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54I just need to teach you how to read.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58Behold, The Tale Of Timmy Tiptoes.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Oh, my God, that is mad gay, yeah?
0:18:01 > 0:18:03He's not gay, actually,
0:18:03 > 0:18:06he is incredibly resourceful, as you'll find out if you just...
0:18:06 > 0:18:11Animals! Burn the books while dancing around them and urinating!
0:18:11 > 0:18:14No, no, please! They're first editions! They were a christening present!
0:18:14 > 0:18:19- Nels, big guy... - I'm OK, Marion. Seriously.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22In that case, would you mind if I joined in? Only that really looks like fun!
0:18:22 > 0:18:28Fine. Just try not to get any wee on Benjamin Bunny.
0:18:28 > 0:18:33Honestly, I just wish I'd never put Vince in that bloody coma.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35- You did that to Vince? - Nelson saved us from Vince.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38- Nelson's our hero!- Hm?
0:18:38 > 0:18:41And if Nelson says reading's cool, reading must be cool, right?
0:18:41 > 0:18:44You're right! Teach us to read, Nelson!
0:18:44 > 0:18:45Please, Nelson.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47I'll do better than that.
0:18:47 > 0:18:52I'll teach you how to read, how to play chess, how to write poetry,
0:18:52 > 0:18:57how to keep bees, and how to watch Formula 1 racing. Know why?
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Because...
0:19:01 > 0:19:05# Middle class is magical A safe world free from strife
0:19:05 > 0:19:10# Let bad things happen to other folk while you read Country Life
0:19:10 > 0:19:15# Buy an AGA, wear a Monsoon dress Get your food from M&S
0:19:15 > 0:19:20# Own an iPhone, watch Bear Grylls Take antidepressant pills
0:19:20 > 0:19:23# Middle class is magical
0:19:23 > 0:19:25# Drive a 4x4 to school
0:19:25 > 0:19:27# Keep three sorts of hummus in your fridge
0:19:27 > 0:19:29# Make-over your downstairs loo
0:19:29 > 0:19:32# Learn to salsa, ski in Verbier
0:19:32 > 0:19:34# Drink too much Chilean Chardonnay
0:19:34 > 0:19:36# Ignore the homeless
0:19:36 > 0:19:40# Don't mind burkas Condescend to migrant workers
0:19:40 > 0:19:42HE WHISTLES
0:19:49 > 0:19:52# When all the world is middle class
0:19:52 > 0:19:54# There'll be no poverty or starvation
0:19:54 > 0:19:57# Cos we'll all grow our own mangetout
0:19:57 > 0:20:00# And Myleene Klass will rule the nation
0:20:00 > 0:20:04# Because... Middle class is magical
0:20:04 > 0:20:06# Join us and you'll see
0:20:06 > 0:20:11# You're already halfway there cos you're not watching ITV
0:20:11 > 0:20:13# Yes, middle class is magical
0:20:13 > 0:20:16# What matters is what we wear
0:20:16 > 0:20:18# Let's pay someone else to do the difficult jobs
0:20:18 > 0:20:22# While we work on our hair
0:20:22 > 0:20:25# Middle class is magical, yeah! #
0:20:25 > 0:20:27HE LAUGHS
0:20:27 > 0:20:30It's like... It's like somehow I feel more civilised.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33And look at this place, it's so urban.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Quick, gentrify it!
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Before the property prices go down!
0:20:37 > 0:20:38And the faster we do it
0:20:38 > 0:20:42the more time we'll have to tackle the killer sudoku in today's Independent.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45And my work here is done.
0:20:49 > 0:20:55So, yeah, this is kind of nice. Us two, watching girly films, having dinner.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59I know, bit weird.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02You're a fox, I'm a dog.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Libra, Scorpio. Unconscious, awake.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07But we've just got something.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11I couldn't be happier if I was, like, dating Mr frigging Darcy!
0:21:11 > 0:21:12Hmm.
0:21:14 > 0:21:19Um, think I might be a tiny bit in love with you.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Vincent, just promise me one thing...
0:21:26 > 0:21:29# Don't go breaking my heart
0:21:33 > 0:21:38# Oh, honey, if I get restless
0:21:43 > 0:21:46# So don't go breaking my heart... #
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Now kiss me, you brain-dead fool.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Wow! Um, Vince!
0:21:57 > 0:22:02Oh, ooh! What are you doing to me?
0:22:02 > 0:22:05We can't... Can we?
0:22:05 > 0:22:07- Destiny, I think you've got... - Get out!
0:22:07 > 0:22:10Now, why isn't that...?
0:22:10 > 0:22:12God, it's like trying to plug a scart lead into an aerial socket.
0:22:12 > 0:22:18Oh, that's right, you just lay there while I do all the work!
0:22:18 > 0:22:20- Vince!- Where am I?
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Why are you on top of me?
0:22:23 > 0:22:27- Also, why the- BLEEP - am I dressed like Colin Firth?
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Ah. Um, like, so...
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Yeah. We're kind of...dating.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33Dating?
0:22:33 > 0:22:37Yeah! Now, finish your prawn cocktail and we can watch Two Weeks Notice.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40- Are you kidding, Destiny?! I'm a- BLEEP- fox.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42I hate Sandra Bullock films!
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Didn't hear you complaining when we watched The Lake House.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46I was in a coma.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Coma! It's always about you, innit, Vince?
0:22:49 > 0:22:51What about me? What about my needs?
0:22:51 > 0:22:55All right. OK, I'm sorry, you're right.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Please, do go on, you mental bint!
0:22:58 > 0:23:01Well! Do you know something? You've changed!
0:23:01 > 0:23:05Ever since you regained consciousness, you've just been...different!
0:23:05 > 0:23:08That's it, I'm off.
0:23:08 > 0:23:13- Pantaloons?! Where did you even find panta...- BLEEP- ..loons?!
0:23:13 > 0:23:15A fa... Fancy-dress shop.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17So don't get nothing on them cos they've got to go back.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19OK, three things.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21- BLEEP- you,- BLEEP- Sandra Bullock,
0:23:21 > 0:23:27- and- BLEEP- your- BLEEP- fancy - BLEEP- dress shop- BLEEP- deposit!
0:23:27 > 0:23:29BLEEP
0:23:30 > 0:23:34God, what a total psycho!
0:23:34 > 0:23:38That is so hot.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Here, Harry, Harry, Harry!
0:23:43 > 0:23:47Here, Harry, Harry, Harry!
0:23:47 > 0:23:50No way! Destiny? On top of Vince?
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Yes! Kissing him and all sorts.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- Not that I care, obviously. - Oh, no, no.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Here, Harry, Harry, Harry!
0:23:57 > 0:23:59For the love of God, Kali! What are you even doing?
0:23:59 > 0:24:02I'm luring Harry Hill into the garden.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05With a Thai bride and some Genesis.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06- Huh?- Think about it, yeah?
0:24:06 > 0:24:08It's what all bald men want.
0:24:08 > 0:24:12And when he gets here, I've got a little surprise for him.
0:24:12 > 0:24:18Let's see how he likes it when it is he who is the you that has been framed.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Vince, you're awake!
0:24:21 > 0:24:27Show me my territory now or I will suck your eyes out and then kneecap ya!
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Right.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Simple "please" would've sufficed.
0:24:34 > 0:24:40Looks pretty tidy. Very nice. What d'you use, Nelson, a truncheon?
0:24:40 > 0:24:43I used my heart, Vince. And there's more.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Hang on, what they doing outside their hole?
0:24:48 > 0:24:51No, it's OK. See, I taught them how to be middle class
0:24:51 > 0:24:53and now they are adorable.
0:24:53 > 0:24:58They even came up with a performance piece to welcome you home.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02Behold, The Dance Of The Sexy Fox!
0:25:02 > 0:25:04MUSIC: "Swan Lake" by Tchaikovsky
0:25:23 > 0:25:26So, Vinny Vince Vincent, what do we think?
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Tell you what I think?
0:25:28 > 0:25:32- Well, since you asked, I think you, Nelson, are a grade-A- BLEEP.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Go on.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37I didn't keep this lot brutalised and terrified
0:25:37 > 0:25:39for japes and sodding giggles, yeah?
0:25:39 > 0:25:42I did it cos that's what they need to survive!
0:25:42 > 0:25:45Cos that's what life on the streets is actually like.
0:25:45 > 0:25:51It ain't book groups and aqua aerobics and Windows 7 launch parties, yeah?
0:25:51 > 0:25:54It's pain, and fear, and terror!
0:25:54 > 0:25:57Who hurt you, Vince? Who made you scared to love?
0:25:57 > 0:26:03Then you come along and turn them into a bunch of poncey, mincing needle workers!
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Um, we prefer the term "needle craftspeople".
0:26:08 > 0:26:13What's going to happen when this bunch of limp-wristed, flouncing benders
0:26:13 > 0:26:16get attacked by some mental stray dog?
0:26:18 > 0:26:21BARKING
0:26:22 > 0:26:23For example.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26Ah, well.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Here comes the pain.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35So the upshot is,
0:26:35 > 0:26:38probably shan't bother with Vince's birthday another year.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40- This is good idea.- Hmm.
0:26:40 > 0:26:45- Harry! Me love you long time! - Give it up, Kali, he ain't coming.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47What were you even going to do to him, anyway?
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Perfectly simple, innit?
0:26:49 > 0:26:53I was going lure him into sitting in that rickety garden chair,
0:26:53 > 0:26:57then I'd hit him with a Swingball, he'd topple back into that paddling pool,
0:26:57 > 0:26:59I'd drop a birthday cake on his face...
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Heaven's Gate. It's him!
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Weird. I could've sworn I heard some Genesis.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07Oh, God, Kali! Improvise, improvise, improvise,
0:27:07 > 0:27:09improvise, improvise, improvise... Oh! World War II stick grenade.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12TICKING
0:27:13 > 0:27:15BOOM!
0:27:22 > 0:27:24OK, Harry Hill - brown bin or blue bin?
0:27:24 > 0:27:27ALL: Brown bin.
0:27:47 > 0:27:51Here, Harry, Harry, Harry!