0:00:17 > 0:00:19DOGS BARK
0:00:23 > 0:00:26Grampy. I'm going to sneeze!
0:00:26 > 0:00:28No! Look, just hold it.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30According to my Big Book Of Knowledge,
0:00:30 > 0:00:31if you hold a sneeze,
0:00:31 > 0:00:34you can burst a blood vessel in your neck.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Shhh! Be quiet!
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Well, if you WILL insist on taking me mushrooming without my anti-histamine...
0:00:40 > 0:00:42- Atchoo!- Run!
0:00:42 > 0:00:44DOGS BARK
0:00:47 > 0:00:49HORN BLOWS
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Nelson, I'll hold him off. Just go.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Just say the first thing that comes into your head.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08There's no right or wrong answer.
0:01:08 > 0:01:13Leaky pen? Spilt Guinness? A penis?
0:01:13 > 0:01:15That's a joke.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19- Don't write that down. - I still get the feeling you're repressing something.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Some traumatic childhood memory, maybe?
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Well, nothing springs to mind.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27Hang about, there was that time...
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Jesus Christ, animals!
0:01:29 > 0:01:32- No, it's gone.- Shall we pick this up next week?- Yeah.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Psychotherapy?
0:01:44 > 0:01:45Bit gay.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48No, apparently not. We covered that in the first session.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52Tell me, Marion, did you ever see that cognitive-behavioural guy?
0:01:52 > 0:01:57Waste of time. He had the cheek to suggest I am severely bipolar!
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Ridiculous!
0:01:59 > 0:02:00HE LAUGHS
0:02:00 > 0:02:03HE SOBS
0:02:03 > 0:02:05HE LAUGHS
0:02:05 > 0:02:07HE SOBS
0:02:07 > 0:02:09- Gary and Tara finally split up! - What happened?
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Well, you know in fairytales,
0:02:11 > 0:02:15where the daughter wants to stop her dad marrying the evil stepmother
0:02:15 > 0:02:20so she hatches a cunning plan to keep shouting "whore" in the stepmother's face until she leaves?
0:02:22 > 0:02:27Whore! Whore! Whore!
0:02:27 > 0:02:32Whore! Whore! Whore!
0:02:32 > 0:02:36- She's just excited to meet you. She'll get bored eventually. - 'But I never did.'
0:02:38 > 0:02:39Whore!
0:02:39 > 0:02:43And now, Gary's so depressed he's grown this ratty little beard
0:02:43 > 0:02:46and he just lays around in his own filth all day crying. It's hilarious.
0:02:46 > 0:02:50So, anyway, he's had to sign me up for this dog-walking service which is amazing
0:02:50 > 0:02:52cos it's well expensive
0:02:52 > 0:02:54so it's bound to be full of rich pedigree dogs.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56OK, bye!
0:02:56 > 0:02:58There she goes again.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Truly, a riddle wrapped in a something
0:03:01 > 0:03:04hidden inside a something else.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Yes. Yes, she is.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Die, you ginger ladyboy!
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Charles Kennedy! Please, take my purse!
0:03:10 > 0:03:14There's a Costa loyalty card. You're entitled to a free panini!
0:03:14 > 0:03:17If you spend over £4.50 on any food or beverage item.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21- Valid until the 12th of November in all participating... - Nelson, you botter, it's me!
0:03:21 > 0:03:25Rory? Oh. Oh, crikey.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28- You know this guy?- Know him? We were at school together.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29Come on, do the handshake.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Oh, not sure I remember it.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37# Sussex Boys, Sussex Boys Rah, rah, rah
0:03:37 > 0:03:39# Left paw, right paw, elbows... #
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Hockey stick!
0:03:41 > 0:03:43RORY LAUGHS
0:03:45 > 0:03:46BOTH: Hoorah!
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Yes, it's all coming back to me, now.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52Presuming that's your den, I'm going to take a crap on your bed.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58- So, yeah, he can stay.- No, he can't! He made my schooldays hell!
0:03:58 > 0:04:01The teachers let him get away with everything.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Sir! Sir! Sir!
0:04:04 > 0:04:09- The beagles are smoking. - Oh, shut up, Nelson.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Why don't you just go and try on make-up with the girls?
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Marion, we have to get rid of him.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18It is OK. I have the ultimate scheme
0:04:18 > 0:04:22to get rid of this horrible bullyboy.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Is that the time?
0:04:27 > 0:04:29HE YAWNS
0:04:32 > 0:04:34(You're on your own.)
0:04:34 > 0:04:38Anyhoo, I actually run my own tour company
0:04:38 > 0:04:42and I've got a Harry Potter walk around central London
0:04:42 > 0:04:45- departing in approx five mins, so... - Then, I'll get to the point.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Erm...
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Turns out you were right about the cigarettes.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52I've got Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- and the progno isn't great.- Oh, God.
0:04:55 > 0:04:56MARION YAWNS
0:04:56 > 0:05:00Oh, sorry. All that fake yawning got me started.
0:05:00 > 0:05:05The badgers are telling me there's no way back. I'm dying, Nelson.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Would anyone mind if I just dozed? Sorry, it's a catnap thing.
0:05:08 > 0:05:14That's why I'm here. I need... I need you to kill me.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17- You can't be serious. - It would be an act of mercy.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20MARION SNORES
0:05:20 > 0:05:23Your mate's a prick, you know that?
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Rory, you turn up on my doorstep after God knows how long,
0:05:26 > 0:05:31- now, you're asking this? - Either you do this for me, humanely,
0:05:31 > 0:05:33or I end it in your bathroom with a razor blade.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Then, I guess I have no choice. I'll do it.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39But on one condition.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43Coming up on your left is the Third Hand Book Emporium
0:05:43 > 0:05:45as featured in The Prisoner Of Azkaban.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Moving on to your right-hand side, now...
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Be honest - it's too long, isn't it? Three and half hours on your feet.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Maybe I should find a nice pub?
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- We could stop for a pint of butterbeer!- Could we get on with it?
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Absolutely. Now, pillows.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01- Duck, synthetic, or down? - Just do it!- Yeah.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02Goodnight, Rory.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Goodnight.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- Push harder.- Hmmm? - I can still breathe.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Oh, er, gotcha.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- How about now?- Still breathing.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Now?
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Still breathing.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Destiny. And you are?
0:06:28 > 0:06:32Oh, me? I'm Kate Thornton's dog. That's Claudia Winkleman's dog.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35Miquita Oliver's dog. Fearne Cotton's dog.
0:06:35 > 0:06:39Jamie Oliver's wife's dog. Some woman who did the weather on GMTV's dog.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41And that's Kris Marshall.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43HE SOBS
0:06:43 > 0:06:45So, who's YOUR owner?
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Erm, Cuba Gooding Jr, actually.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Hollywood's Cuba Gooding Jr?
0:06:50 > 0:06:53I'm his London dog. Yeah, Cuba Gooding Jr's London dog.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Wow. What's he like?
0:06:55 > 0:06:59Cuba? He's like Marmite. By which I mean he's black and I hate him.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01DRIVER: Brake!
0:07:01 > 0:07:02Uh-oh. This is his pick-up.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Shush, he's coming. Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
0:07:05 > 0:07:07- What is it?- It's John Terry's dog!
0:07:10 > 0:07:15# These girls fall like dominoes Dominoes
0:07:15 > 0:07:20# These girls fall like dominoes Dominoes
0:07:20 > 0:07:22# These girls fall like... #
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Roast me!
0:07:25 > 0:07:28How about now?
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Much...better.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31And for the record,
0:07:31 > 0:07:35you're currently being smothered with the synthetic pillow.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Rory? Rory?
0:07:40 > 0:07:44Leslie Grantham! I killed a man!
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Oh! What did I miss?
0:07:47 > 0:07:48Oh, no.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Oh, God. No.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52I missed the Harry Potter walk, didn't I?
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Damn, such a shame(!)
0:07:55 > 0:07:59- I need to speak to my therapist. Get an appointment. - What do I do with the body?
0:07:59 > 0:08:03- Bury him. Away from here! - You are the boss.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Oh, hypoallergenic.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11# All I wanna do is bang, bang, bang, bang
0:08:11 > 0:08:14# And ching, and take your money
0:08:14 > 0:08:18# All I want to do is bang, bang, bang, bang and ching
0:08:18 > 0:08:19# Take your mon... #
0:08:19 > 0:08:20Oh.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Force field?
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Oh, force field. Force field.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Force field. Force field. Force field.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Force field. Force field. Force field.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Oh, hello, there. It's actually glass.
0:08:37 > 0:08:42In fact, did you know glass takes over one million years to decompose?
0:08:42 > 0:08:47Shattering glass moves at speeds of up to 3,000 miles an hour.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51The glass eye was invented in Venice in 1579.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54You're so fascinating!
0:08:56 > 0:09:01- God, he's fit. What's he like?- Don't know. We've never dared talk to him.
0:09:01 > 0:09:02DRIVER: Speed bump!
0:09:02 > 0:09:05All right. Let's find out.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07No offence, Cuba Gooding Jr's London dog,
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- don't think he'll be interested in you.- Trust me, Alexa Chung's dog,
0:09:10 > 0:09:12- he'll be interested.- We'll see.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Yes, Yvette Fielding's dog, we will see.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18- Should be interesting. - The woman from The One Show's dog,
0:09:18 > 0:09:19stay out of this.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23- Don't start on her.- I will start on who I want, JK Rowling's dog.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25DRIVER: Roundabout!
0:09:25 > 0:09:29Just watch and learn.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32So, tell me, John Terry's dog...
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Ugly bitch.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40- I've never been turned down before, is that what that was? - Yeah. Yes, it was.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Right. Good. OK.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46Oi, everyone! Cuba Gooding Jr's London dog
0:09:46 > 0:09:48just got blown out!
0:09:48 > 0:09:50THEY LAUGH
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Don't know what you've got to laugh about, Kris Marshall.
0:09:53 > 0:09:58He's not laughing at you. It's just something he does. Sadly.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03I can still feel the resistance in my hands,
0:10:03 > 0:10:05the kicking, the shaking.
0:10:05 > 0:10:10It seems to tap into some primal fear you have, Nelson.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12A fear of the animal inside, perhaps.
0:10:12 > 0:10:17Can you think of any other time when the animal might have escaped?
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Boxing Day, 2009.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24# Well, I wish it could be Christmas every day... #
0:10:24 > 0:10:28And I just think M&S has forgotten who its real customers are.
0:10:28 > 0:10:29Sadly.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Excuse me. I have been up since three!
0:10:33 > 0:10:34In fact, no.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37HE GROWLS
0:10:37 > 0:10:38Tart!
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Unfortunately, I don't have any more time.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44- I've actually got another patient waiting.- Ah, yes, yes.
0:10:44 > 0:10:49- But next week, we can talk more about these feelings of guilt that you're...- Kali?
0:10:49 > 0:10:51What? No!
0:10:52 > 0:10:57Anyhow. Yeah. See you at the bins.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00OK, then. Jesus! I cannot believe I share a psychotherapist
0:11:00 > 0:11:01with that bed-wetter.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03You say that, but he's just killed a man.
0:11:03 > 0:11:08- Nelson?- Oh, there goes the patient confidentiality!
0:11:08 > 0:11:09No way!
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Now, I asked you to make me a picture
0:11:12 > 0:11:14- that summed up your feelings towards your mother.- Oh.
0:11:14 > 0:11:19Wow. Now, that is certainly a very angry-looking vagina.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Thank you.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Then, right, I got turned down by John Terry's dog.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Oh, out of your league, was he?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Boom! Back of the net! Goal!
0:11:31 > 0:11:34Early bath. Relegated.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Yellow card. Offside. Sick as a parrot.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40The Emirates Stadium. Yeah, I've run out of football things.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44God, he was rude. But it's like, I can't stop thinking about him.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47You know what my therapist would say? Low self-esteem.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Like me, yeah? I was with this one guy for four years,
0:11:50 > 0:11:53but I only stayed with him because I was scared.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Do you mind if I have one of those seeds?
0:11:55 > 0:11:57I'm sorry. Please don't hit me!
0:11:57 > 0:12:01So, you're saying, if I want John Terry's dog,
0:12:01 > 0:12:03I need to work on my positive self-image
0:12:03 > 0:12:07so I can finally get to a place where I can stand up and say to myself,
0:12:07 > 0:12:10"Hello, world! This is me!"
0:12:10 > 0:12:13No, I'm saying you need to treat him like shit.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Oh, good. See, that I can do.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Oh, can I just be the first to say congratulations
0:12:18 > 0:12:20and that I admire your work.
0:12:20 > 0:12:21Excuse me?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Yeah, Kali told me. Nice one.
0:12:23 > 0:12:28Is this about my Eurovision entry? If so, I've only made the long list.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29The murder.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Murder? Who, Rory?
0:12:31 > 0:12:34- No! No, no, no, it wasn't murder... - Morning,- BLEEP.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:37 > 0:12:39- BLEEP- off!
0:12:39 > 0:12:44- Vince, Nelson murdered someone. - Finally!- For heaven's sake, it wasn't murder!
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Ah, your first victim's always a bit special.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47Still got mine, as it goes.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51See, it was actually an act of mercy.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55I knew no-one could be that much of a girly, middle-class pisspants all their life.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58But that's just the point, I actually can!
0:12:58 > 0:13:03In fact, look - mung beans, yeah? A muffin pan! The Complete Cold Feet!
0:13:03 > 0:13:05On Blu-ray!
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Jesus Christ, even I think that's a step too far!
0:13:08 > 0:13:10If Marion was here, he could explain...
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Almonds are part of the peach family.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23Point is, I didn't murder him!
0:13:23 > 0:13:26Shame, almost thought you were cool for a second.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30Though I did murder him. Obv.
0:13:30 > 0:13:35- Russell Crowe! Talk about beating a confession out of me. - I'm impressed, Nelson.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38I think there's someone who'd like to meet you.
0:13:38 > 0:13:39- Catch you later,- BLEEP!
0:13:39 > 0:13:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:42 > 0:13:45- I said,- BLEEP- off!
0:13:47 > 0:13:52This psychology book is all I need to win over John Terry's dog.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56SHE COUGHS
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Scum! Scum! Scum! Scum! Scum!
0:13:59 > 0:14:05Scum! Scum! Scum! Scum! Scum! Scum! Scum! Scum!
0:14:06 > 0:14:10Now, don't EVER make me do that to you again, you naughty boy!
0:14:10 > 0:14:12You've got the most amazing eyes.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16Oh, do you really think so? That's... Shut up!
0:14:18 > 0:14:22- Well, that seemed to work.- And you weren't going to buy the hardback.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30- Where the Bryan Ferry are we? - Just follow my lead.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33Ah, nice to meet you. I'm Agent Silver Fox,
0:14:33 > 0:14:36- and I believe you've met Agent- BLEEP.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40- Did you just call me Agent- BLEEP?
0:14:40 > 0:14:43I thought we all agreed that was your codename?
0:14:43 > 0:14:46Yeah, yeah, we did. No, you're absolutely right. Sorry.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Please, carry on.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Welcome to the nerve-centre of Operation Beagle Hunter.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54We've got a mission for you. We've finally tracked down
0:14:54 > 0:14:58the four surviving beagles of the notorious Sussex Hunting Pack.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01All you need to do is find them, kill them.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, Rory was a one-off.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Ask Vince. He's your man.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09- With the utmost respect to our colleague, Agent- BLEEP...- Please.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13..he lacks the finesse required for fieldwork. We sent him undercover once.
0:15:13 > 0:15:14To a chicken coop.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18- I went deep. I went too- BLEEP- deep.
0:15:18 > 0:15:24'He was a fox who went in search of the truth,
0:15:24 > 0:15:28'and found himself.'
0:15:28 > 0:15:30CHICKEN CLUCKS
0:15:30 > 0:15:32We need you to come back in.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36- I can't.- You can't or you won't?
0:15:36 > 0:15:37I don't know who I am any more!
0:15:42 > 0:15:43- BLEEP- me.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Now, the subjects.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50Intel had suggested Onions here had fled to the south of France
0:15:50 > 0:15:53and was living under the assumed name Oignon,
0:15:53 > 0:15:56but we've located him in Arundel just outside of Chichester.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Oh, lovely corner of the world.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02- I can't kill him. He's elderly! - Nelson.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05You're too young to remember the worst days of the hunt.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07I've read about it. I was just a boy.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09We have it on good authority
0:16:09 > 0:16:12the Sussex Pack killed your grandfather, Nelson.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14They hunted him down like a dog.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18Well, like a fox. They're dogs, obviously.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21I've got myself in a bit of a muddle but you get my point.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25- Grampy?- Matter of fact, you were there.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28You were picked up quarter of a mile from the site in the midst of a sneezing fit.
0:16:28 > 0:16:36Oh, God. It's like I'm seeing it in my head all over again,
0:16:36 > 0:16:41but in black and white and with me talking over the top of it.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45Nelson, for your Grampy,
0:16:45 > 0:16:48will you bring these evil bastard beagles to justice?
0:16:48 > 0:16:50We'll throw in an iPhone, an expense account
0:16:50 > 0:16:53and a £30 British Home Stores gift card.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57- Make that John Lewis.- Debenhams? - House of Fraser?- Welcome aboard.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02The M25, often thought of as circular,
0:17:02 > 0:17:04has a small gap at the Dartford Tunnel.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07- It does?- The M11 has no junctions one, two or three.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10- It doesn't? - There's only recorded instance
0:17:10 > 0:17:12of a fatality caused by a flying cat's eye.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15- There is?- (There's no M7.) - There isn't?
0:17:15 > 0:17:20Wow, who knew the highways and byways could be so enchanting?
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Now, what was it you wanted?
0:17:22 > 0:17:24- Pack a bindle, we're going away.- Where?
0:17:24 > 0:17:25I'll tell you where.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29To a little old town I like to call Vengeance.
0:17:29 > 0:17:34- Specifically where? - Arundel, just outside Chichester. - Lovely part of the world.
0:17:34 > 0:17:35Sadly, I cannot leave the fish.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38- He's too engrossing.- I'll come.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42Oh, no offence, Kali. I'm particular about my travelling companions.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44I once holidayed with Mr Louie Spence.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48Ah! Louie, can you help me inflate this lilo?
0:17:48 > 0:17:51Hold it! No! No Louie Spence!
0:17:51 > 0:17:54I refuse to give that man the oxygen of publicity.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57In fairness to Kali, he is something of a penis.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00He was available, very keen. I'll tell him we didn't have time.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04Let me come. I did project manage the first degree homicide of Harry Hill,
0:18:04 > 0:18:06which I brought in on time and under budget.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09You know, I completely forget about that. You're in.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Guys, someone I want you to meet.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13My lovely new boyfriend!
0:18:13 > 0:18:17- Hi, guys.- Shut up! You'll speak when I tell you to speak!
0:18:17 > 0:18:20- Speak!- You are so amazing.- Shut up!
0:18:20 > 0:18:24But yeah, we're very much in love, aren't we?
0:18:24 > 0:18:27- Speak again!- Yeah... - Shut up again! Bless.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Well, happy for you both.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33Any road, Kali, we should probably be off.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Now, tell me something about yourself.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41Though it is commonly believed that the goldfish has a memory span of just three seconds,
0:18:41 > 0:18:43this is, in fact, a myth.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46- It is?- Is what? Where am I?
0:18:46 > 0:18:52- Force field. Force field. Force field.- No!
0:18:52 > 0:18:56All your lovely wisdom is gone!
0:18:56 > 0:18:59OK, I will teach you.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02I will make you wise again.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04- Oh, good. Who are you?- Marion.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06- Ah, yes. Who are you?- Marion.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09- Of course. Who are you? - Marion.- Ah, yes.
0:19:09 > 0:19:14Wonder if it is too late to get involved in another storyline.
0:19:18 > 0:19:19- Murray Mint?- I'm OK.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Actually, I will have a Murray Mint.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30I've been thinking, I might go on a little killing spree myself.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33I came up with a serial killer gimmick and everything,
0:19:33 > 0:19:34something to make me stand out.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Let's hear it.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37The Vampire Rapist!
0:19:37 > 0:19:41What it is is, I go around raping vampires.
0:19:41 > 0:19:46- Yeah, I think you're going to find that tricky to sustain. - OK, no. Good feedback. Yeah.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51The Lesbian Vampire Killer Killer!
0:19:51 > 0:19:54I go round killing everyone who liked the film
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Lesbian Vampire Killers.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Again, once you've killed James Corden,
0:19:57 > 0:20:00and I'm not saying don't, then you're going to...
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Him!
0:20:06 > 0:20:08HE COUGHS
0:20:08 > 0:20:12Sorry to bother. I'm Nelson and I'm a freelance assassin
0:20:12 > 0:20:15working on behalf of Operation Beagle Hunter.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18- This is my intern, Kali.- Easy, bruv.
0:20:18 > 0:20:19We're here today to kill you
0:20:19 > 0:20:23for atrocities committed during the hunts of the early 2000s.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26I have a range of pillows. Throw, travel, lumbar support...
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Don't hurt me, please!
0:20:29 > 0:20:32I was just as much a victim of the hunts as you.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34I was only following huntsman's orders!
0:20:34 > 0:20:37- I never thought of it like that. - You could have said no.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40No. What would've happened to us?
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Probably smacked with a rolled-up newspaper.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44You're quite right. We could've said no.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Then, prepare to die, you bastard. This one's for Grampy!
0:20:47 > 0:20:50I'm a grandfather.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53Will you find my grandchildren, tell them I was thinking of them
0:20:53 > 0:20:57- the day you brutally murdered me in cold blood? - Yeah, what are their names?
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Kali, go to Costa.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04- I don't want you to see what I'm about to do.- Oh!
0:21:05 > 0:21:06Loyalty card.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11OK, here's the deal. You... One second.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Get a receipt. And remember,
0:21:13 > 0:21:16our per diem is £3 for lunch, £5 for dinner,
0:21:16 > 0:21:20so do not go overboard re ciabatta slash Kettle Chips,
0:21:20 > 0:21:22- so on and so forth! Kali?- I heard!
0:21:22 > 0:21:24No need to be like that!
0:21:24 > 0:21:25Sorry, here's the deal.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28I'm going to make an exception for you and only you.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Run away, never come back.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Where will I go? I'll starve!
0:21:32 > 0:21:35There's a pub in Millwall -
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Westferry Road. Behind the pub, there's a shed.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Under the shed, there's a den.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43I'll be back once I have brutally assassinated the others.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46THEY CHATTER
0:21:46 > 0:21:48OK, just simmer down.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Now, I know you've got a lot of catching up to do.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55Sorry, Nelson. It's just, getting the old pack back together again.
0:21:55 > 0:21:56Kind of a thrill.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59You've got to stay quiet. They can't find out I'm harbouring you.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Understood, Herr Nelson.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Now, do make yourselves comfortable.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06MUSIC: The German National Anthem
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Oh, look, you have.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16- You two? Together? - Yeah, build a bridge, get over it,
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Hannah from S Club, now in Primeval's dog.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22And if you want to know how to get any guy you want,
0:22:22 > 0:22:25- I can tell you.- Serious?- Uh-huh.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29# Listen to my pearls of wisdom, girls
0:22:29 > 0:22:31# If you wanna get a man and keep him
0:22:31 > 0:22:34# When he doesn't show compliance Just apply a bit of violence
0:22:34 > 0:22:37# If he's bad then he gets a beating
0:22:37 > 0:22:39# There's no point complaining
0:22:39 > 0:22:41# It's just a re-training
0:22:41 > 0:22:46# He's got to learn discipline Or I'll put the boot in
0:22:46 > 0:22:50# If he's going, "Yap, yap, yap" Just give him a little tap
0:22:50 > 0:22:54# Can't bite back like that And not expect a little tap
0:22:54 > 0:22:57- # Just a little tap on the nose - Just a little tap, just a little tap
0:22:57 > 0:23:00# When I raise my hand it's cos it's all they understand
0:23:00 > 0:23:02# Men like a bit of tough loving
0:23:02 > 0:23:05# RSPCA don't care if he falls down the stairs
0:23:05 > 0:23:07# Long as nobody witnessed the shoving
0:23:07 > 0:23:09# It's not my fault
0:23:09 > 0:23:12# He's got to be taught
0:23:12 > 0:23:14# And it's not assault
0:23:14 > 0:23:17# If you don't get caught
0:23:17 > 0:23:22# If he's barking like that Just give him a little tap
0:23:22 > 0:23:25# Can't act like a twat and not expect a little tap
0:23:25 > 0:23:27# Just a little tap on the nose
0:23:27 > 0:23:30# Just a little tap Just a little tap
0:23:30 > 0:23:34# There's every excuse for domestic abuse
0:23:34 > 0:23:36# Just always choose
0:23:36 > 0:23:38# Where you hide the bruise
0:23:38 > 0:23:43# If he's giving it all that Just give him a little tap
0:23:43 > 0:23:47# Grab your baseball bat and he'll expect a little tap
0:23:47 > 0:23:50- # Just a little tap on the nose - Just a little tap, just a little tap
0:23:50 > 0:23:53# Just a little tap on the nose. #
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Have to hand it to you, Cuba Gooding Jr's London dog.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59- It works. Doesn't it, Jenson Button's dog?- Yes.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02You've all got celebrity boyfriends and all thanks to me.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04What happened to those poor dogs?
0:24:04 > 0:24:09No, he walked into a lamppost. Didn't you, John Terry's dog?
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Walk into a lamppost!
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Can I have the number for the Dog's Trust, please?
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Ah, well, girls. Fun while it lasted.
0:24:21 > 0:24:22Loser bitch.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27God. Guess I finally got my comeuppance
0:24:27 > 0:24:30for all that spousal abuse.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Still, no use moping!
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Bye! Ha-ha!
0:24:35 > 0:24:41At long last, the deaths of our people have been avenged.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43And all thanks to you, Agent Fogle.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Oh, it was nothing.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48- Agent- BLEEP,- the gift card? - Very kind.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50We're throwing a soiree in your honour tonight.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52You'll be giving a motivational talk
0:24:52 > 0:24:56in front of an audience of 300 under-privileged fox cubs.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00Captain Chesley Burnett "Sully" Sullenberger III, I can't do that!
0:25:00 > 0:25:04This is your life now, Agent Fogle. The life of a hero.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07- In other words, don't be an ungrateful- BLEEP.- Right.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Fact - cows sleep with one eye open.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15- Got it.- Hang on, whales sleep with one eye open.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Or maybe it's crows.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20- One of them sleeps with one eye open.- Right.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24- Or possibly two.- Right.- Fact!
0:25:24 > 0:25:27The toothbrush was invented in...
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Well, I can't quite put my finger on the exact year
0:25:29 > 0:25:33but it was somewhere between the third
0:25:33 > 0:25:37- and the 18th century.- OK.- Fact!
0:25:41 > 0:25:44I mean, the touch-screen functionality isn't ideal
0:25:44 > 0:25:47with the old fur and claws but it's still a nice bit of tech.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Just been fiddling around with the ringtones.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53Tell me, have they rectified the antenna problem that blighted its UK launch?
0:25:53 > 0:25:57- Actually, Onions, yes, they have. - Das ist gut.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Now, popping to this party. Promise me you'll stay hidden?
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Just go. Have fun, yeah?
0:26:02 > 0:26:05You know, odd as this may be, fox and hounds living together,
0:26:05 > 0:26:09I've got a feeling everything's going to work out A-OK!
0:26:09 > 0:26:11BUGLE RINGTONE SOUNDS
0:26:11 > 0:26:14That'll be Vince. Let it ring, he can wait.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17ALL: Kill fox! Must kill fox!
0:26:17 > 0:26:19The ringtone! Oh, cripes.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Answer! Answer!
0:26:21 > 0:26:25ALL: Kill fox! Kill fox!
0:26:25 > 0:26:27It's just ringing.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29We can't keep the kiddies waiting.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32We'll just have to set off the fireworks without him.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36ALL: Kill fox! Kill fox!
0:26:36 > 0:26:40- Huh?- They're coming!- The foxes - they are shelling our bunker!
0:26:40 > 0:26:42I think you'll find they're fireworks.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46We cannot fall into enemy hands!
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Beagles, suicide pills! Schnell.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57Alan Turing! Such senseless death!
0:26:57 > 0:27:00When we will realise that the blood we spill today
0:27:00 > 0:27:02cannot erase the blood we spilt yesterday?
0:27:02 > 0:27:08- Nothing! Nothing can be worth this! - More of them?
0:27:08 > 0:27:11My, God, you're good.
0:27:11 > 0:27:15- Agent- BLEEP,- the Argos vouchers.
0:27:16 > 0:27:20And yes, five beagles, four of whom were perfectly healthy,
0:27:20 > 0:27:26have died directly or indirectly at my hand in the past 48 hours.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28At least I got an iPhone out of it.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31It would seem some of the facts I have been spouting
0:27:31 > 0:27:33have been somewhat erroneous.
0:27:33 > 0:27:34Such as?
0:27:34 > 0:27:36According to National Geographic,
0:27:36 > 0:27:40it is in fact the antelope and not the goldfish
0:27:40 > 0:27:44that is capable of breathing on dry land.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47Aie! Oh, well.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52- How does he taste? - He tastes interesting.
0:27:52 > 0:27:53THEY LAUGH
0:27:53 > 0:27:55He does NOT taste interesting.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58Destiny? No dog-walking service today?
0:27:58 > 0:28:02Gary cancelled it. Suits me. Bored of it, anyway.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06Hang about, what's that slag doing? No!
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Gary! Whore! Whore!
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Whore! Whore!
0:28:11 > 0:28:15Whore! Whore! Whore!
0:28:16 > 0:28:18Whore! Whore! Whore!
0:28:19 > 0:28:23Whore! Whore! Whore! Whore! Whore!
0:28:25 > 0:28:28Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:28 > 0:28:31E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk