0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language and adult humour.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:22 > 0:00:25G'day, I'm Adam Hills, welcome to Monumental -
0:00:25 > 0:00:27the panel show about Northern Ireland, hosted by an Australian.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Tonight, two teams will battle it out to prove just how
0:00:30 > 0:00:32monumentally magnificent Northern Ireland is,
0:00:32 > 0:00:35and captaining the team on my right is a comedian and one-time
0:00:35 > 0:00:38gardener, who has both a green thumb and a red nose - it's Jimeoin.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:41 > 0:00:44With Jimeoin every week is the comic and actor who's
0:00:44 > 0:00:47been in Spaced, Kill List, Shaun of the Dead and Burke and Hare,
0:00:47 > 0:00:49but tonight, he's in a lovely shirt and jeans, it's Michael Smiley.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Joining them is a stand-up and writer who's
0:00:54 > 0:00:56performed in the Galway, Edinburgh and Kilkenny Festivals and has
0:00:56 > 0:01:00toured all over the world, the awesomely awesome Eleanor Tiernan.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:02 > 0:01:06In charge of the opposing team is a man considered to be comic royalty,
0:01:06 > 0:01:09partly because he was once voted King of Comedy on a TV show,
0:01:09 > 0:01:11but mainly because he was photographed nude
0:01:11 > 0:01:13in a Las Vegas hotel room - it's Andrew Maxwell.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:17 > 0:01:20With him, the comic from Lurgan who's the only man in history to have gigged at the Odyssey,
0:01:20 > 0:01:23the Waterfront and the Townhouse Bar in Castlederg,
0:01:23 > 0:01:24it's Micky Bartlett.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:27 > 0:01:30And our Monumental guest, to whom we'll be paying a very
0:01:30 > 0:01:32special tribute later on is a man who has the unique
0:01:32 > 0:01:35distinction of having been involved in one of the greatest
0:01:35 > 0:01:38sporting spectacles, whilst wearing great sporting spectacles!
0:01:38 > 0:01:41It's the spectacularly-wonderful, Dennis Taylor.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:43 > 0:01:46What I've learned about Northern Ireland is, you're friendly...
0:01:46 > 0:01:48and you're not.
0:01:48 > 0:01:54For example, the phrase, "What about you?" That sounds threatening.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57When someone walks up and goes, "What about you?"
0:01:57 > 0:02:00What about my what?! It's a lovely phrase.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02As opposed to "deadly".
0:02:02 > 0:02:06Only in Northern Ireland can something that's good be deadly!
0:02:06 > 0:02:09"How was dinner last night?" "Oh, the food was deadly."
0:02:09 > 0:02:12"What was the movie like?" "Oh, the movie was deadly."
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Northern Irish people end up in Australia, how does that work?
0:02:15 > 0:02:18"Hey, mate, see that spider over there? That spider's deadly."
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Time now for Wish They Were One Of Us, in which our teams come up
0:02:24 > 0:02:27with people they think deserve to be honorary Northern Irelanders.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31Dennis, you can start first. Who do you think should be Northern Irish?
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Ian Woosnam. You all know Ian Woosnam, the Ryder Cup captain?
0:02:34 > 0:02:37He was... Well, he still is a very good friend of mine,
0:02:37 > 0:02:40in fact, he was the best man when I got married again, ten years ago.
0:02:40 > 0:02:45Was he the best man for both, did he do the same speech twice?
0:02:45 > 0:02:49- He did.- Word for word? "I've heard all these jokes..."
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Well, not word for word, I think he changed the bride's name!
0:02:54 > 0:02:58What is it about Ian Woosnam that you think would make him perfect in Northern Ireland?
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Because he is just one of the boys. I don't know if you remember,
0:03:01 > 0:03:05when they won the Ryder Cup, Ian afterwards with
0:03:05 > 0:03:08a magnum of champagne. If it hadn't have come down his nose,
0:03:08 > 0:03:11he would have drank the whole bottle in one go.
0:03:11 > 0:03:12I think we've got a photo of it.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17ANDREW: Yeah, that's an Irishman all right.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Puking off a balcony, in a cardigan.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Jimeoin, who would you like to throw in as being Northern Irish?
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Er, Jesus.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31He lived at home until he was in his 30s...
0:03:32 > 0:03:36There was a few years no-one knew where he was.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38A bit like Gerry Adams.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40And, er, he did ten years in prison.
0:03:41 > 0:03:42I made that bit up.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Yeah, I think Jesus could have been an Irishman, yeah?
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Because once you get an Irishman in flip-flops,
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- you can't get him back out of them. - Talking about...
0:03:52 > 0:03:55There's a wee fellow from Belfast, he had two left feet and he went
0:03:55 > 0:03:59into a shoe shop and he said, "Have you got a pair of flip-flips?"
0:04:01 > 0:04:04If the left one goes flip and the right one goes flop,
0:04:04 > 0:04:07that's how you know if you've got them on the right feet.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09If it's going flop-flip, flop-flip, you're going,
0:04:09 > 0:04:11"Hang on, I've got these on the wrong feet."
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Michael, who would you like to nominate as being Northern Irish?
0:04:14 > 0:04:18- Katie Taylor.- The boxer? - Mm.- Uh-huh. Why?
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Just because it's very rare
0:04:20 > 0:04:23that a woman will weigh themselves in public.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29And I think she should set an example to some
0:04:29 > 0:04:32women in Northern Ireland who, when they go out,
0:04:32 > 0:04:36must, before they go out, must only have a mirror that size.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39They've got tan around here, but the rest of them are sort of white.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42And they're rippling in all the wrong bits.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Do you ever see women who only tan the bits that are on show?
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Their face, a bit of shoulder and that wee bit on top of their boobs.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50And then it'll be white
0:04:50 > 0:04:53and then a wee bit on their legs. My ex-girlfriend used to do it.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56My ex-girlfriend, in the nude, looked like an Armagh Gaelic top.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Eleanor, who would you like to add as being Northern Irish?
0:05:00 > 0:05:04I would choose The Proclaimers, because of their song where
0:05:04 > 0:05:07they say they would walk 500 miles and then 500 more,
0:05:07 > 0:05:09and I think that is the exact length of the queue to
0:05:09 > 0:05:13get into the Titanic Museum, at the moment.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15# I would walk 500 miles...
0:05:15 > 0:05:19# Just to see the ship that sank to the ocean floor. #
0:05:20 > 0:05:23Before we go any further, I want to get this entirely square.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27When we Irishmen built that boat, it was perfectly fine.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:29 > 0:05:33Then we passed it on to the English and then it went wrong.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37Nothing to do with us. We were just fiddling in the basement.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Micky, who do you think should be Northern Irish?
0:05:41 > 0:05:44I'd like to have Walt Disney. Purely to see what the movies
0:05:44 > 0:05:47would be like. Different movies with Northern Irish themes,
0:05:47 > 0:05:51you'd have, you know, Snow White and the Birmingham Six...
0:05:54 > 0:05:57You'd have Beauty and the Best.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02The Lion King would become The Lyin' Bastard.
0:06:04 > 0:06:09# Akuna matata What a wonderful sound... #
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Do you know you actually get your accent before you get words?
0:06:12 > 0:06:16A friend of mine, he lives here in Belfast, he's got a one-and-a-half-year-old boy
0:06:16 > 0:06:18who can't talk, but has a full on Belfast accent.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21He plays with Thomas the Tank, looks up at you and goes...
0:06:21 > 0:06:25MUMBLES WITH A BELFAST INFLECTION
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Andrew, who would you like to nominate as Northern Irish?
0:06:31 > 0:06:36Er, Hugh Hefner. He could easily be Northern Irish.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39He likes getting around in his dressing gown all day long.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45What would the Playboy Mansion be like if it was in Northern Ireland?
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Er, it would be the exact same. Probably wouldn't be Latin...
0:06:48 > 0:06:50You know, he has Latin over the door?
0:06:50 > 0:06:53- Some sort of Latin inscription over the Playboy Mansion.- Yes.
0:06:53 > 0:06:58In Latin, it says, "Don't come ringing, if we're swinging."
0:06:58 > 0:07:02- Did Romans have doors? - What?! Of course they had doors!
0:07:02 > 0:07:05They had viaducts, they'll have a door, won't they?
0:07:05 > 0:07:06They always had those big capes.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10There was always somebody, and then, Caesar would...
0:07:10 > 0:07:13and then the Roman guy would move... and Caesar would come...
0:07:13 > 0:07:15You never see Caesar coming through the door...
0:07:21 > 0:07:25At the end of that round, I'm going to give the points to Andrew's team.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:29 > 0:07:32This round is called Town Challenge, where we go off the beaten track
0:07:32 > 0:07:35to discover Northern Ireland's hidden gems, places that don't
0:07:35 > 0:07:38always make it into the tourist guides, but have plenty to offer. Jimeoin's team, you're first.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40I'll give you some lesser-known facts
0:07:40 > 0:07:43about a Northern Irish town and all you need to do is name it.
0:07:43 > 0:07:44Here's your first fact.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47World War II anti-aircraft gunners trained in a custom-built dome
0:07:47 > 0:07:51in this town - they would sit inside and "fire" at film of aircraft
0:07:51 > 0:07:53projected onto the ceiling.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Crossmaglen.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Here is your second fact.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04After making the world's first non-stop balloon flight
0:08:04 > 0:08:07across the Atlantic, Richard Branson made his first stop here.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Oh!
0:08:09 > 0:08:12He obviously got to Donegal after an eight-hour transatlantic
0:08:12 > 0:08:17journey, no food, rain, wind, looked at Donegal and said,
0:08:17 > 0:08:19"I think I could go a bit further."
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Here is your final fact.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28The tune to Londonderry/Derry Air was first transcribed in this town
0:08:28 > 0:08:29by a local woman - legend has it
0:08:29 > 0:08:31she heard it being played by a blind fiddler.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- I think it was Limavady. - Was he trying to land in Britain?
0:08:34 > 0:08:38If he had to land in Donegal, he wouldn't have got it, because it's not part of Britain.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42- The tune? We're talking about Londonderry!- I'm actually...
0:08:42 > 0:08:45I'm actually thinking of the second clue,
0:08:45 > 0:08:47I didn't even hear the third clue. Could we have that again?
0:08:47 > 0:08:50There was a woman and she was stealing music
0:08:50 > 0:08:52from disabled fiddle players.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58Right. That helped. It's got to be Limavady, then, hasn't it?
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- Limavady.- Limavady, well played.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08Andrew, here are the clues for your town. Clue number one.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Visitors will find a prominent art instillation in this town
0:09:10 > 0:09:14of a Battered Old Sofa, created to represent the town as a cosy,
0:09:14 > 0:09:17comfortable place - they built it out of limestone.
0:09:17 > 0:09:22- We have to think about where limestone is.- Limestone couch.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24- Whiterocks?- That's good.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Sorry, what am I helping you for?
0:09:27 > 0:09:31Or maybe not Whiterocks.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- Maybe not, who knows? Could we have another clue? - You can, here's your next clue.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38This is the most westerly village in the entire United Kingdom -
0:09:38 > 0:09:41so when the Euro crashed, the residents living near the border
0:09:41 > 0:09:44narrowly avoided an economic collapse by about 100 yards.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50The most westerly. Is it Muff?
0:09:52 > 0:09:55No, I think Muff is just over the border.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58I have no idea what you're talking about.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04- So, it's somewhere in Derry, right? - OK, here's your final clue.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Though this town is in Northern Ireland, most people
0:10:07 > 0:10:10who hear its name might also think of china.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12We have the answer. It is Beijing, Fermanagh.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18If it's true, I've got some of it in the house. Lovely little ornaments.
0:10:18 > 0:10:23- What's the name you're thinking of? - Is it Belleek?- It is indeed Belleek!
0:10:26 > 0:10:29The highest temperature in Northern Ireland ever recorded
0:10:29 > 0:10:33by the Met Office occurred near Belleek in County Fermanagh,
0:10:33 > 0:10:36on June 30th, 1976. 30.8 degrees.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Whoa! God, that's hot.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40I tell you what,
0:10:40 > 0:10:44any Australians in town on that day almost removed their jumpers.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49At the end of that round, the points go to Jimeoin's team.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Our next round is called Monumentally Missed
0:10:53 > 0:10:56and features our panelists getting all nostalgic, as they tell us
0:10:56 > 0:10:59what they'd like to bring back from Northern Ireland's past.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Jimeoin, you can go first, what would you like to bring back?
0:11:02 > 0:11:03Cars that didn't start.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Everyone just expects a car to start first time.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09That wasn't a given, growing up. You'd be praying to God...
0:11:09 > 0:11:11My father once got into the car to start it
0:11:11 > 0:11:13and it wouldn't start, it was on a flat bit of ground.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16He opened the door - it was blowing a gale in Portstewart -
0:11:16 > 0:11:19and he realised that the wind was actually pulling the car along.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21So he opened both doors...
0:11:22 > 0:11:26And the car moved up the road, then when he jumpstarted it,
0:11:26 > 0:11:28the two doors just shot...
0:11:28 > 0:11:30It was like a James Bond movie.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Flooding the engine, that was one, as well, in the old days.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39My dad would get out of the car and open up the bonnet, then something would happen,
0:11:39 > 0:11:41it was like a magical thing he did, he tried it and it would go.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43I was never able to do that, as an adult myself,
0:11:43 > 0:11:47when I got a car. So what I do now is, I call other people's dads to come round.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49There were little tricks,
0:11:49 > 0:11:52- like a pair of stockings for a fan belt.- Yeah!
0:11:52 > 0:11:53That worked, apparently.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55My dad never wore stockings, though.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Really, Michael? Really? Not even on his head?
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Him and his twin brother used tights.
0:12:07 > 0:12:12- Did you ever burn your legs off the back seat of a car?- Yes, yes.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15- On the leather? - The leather interiors.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19And if the car was out in the sun, if it was June 30th, 1976,
0:12:19 > 0:12:22for example. I had to take a week of school once,
0:12:22 > 0:12:26I had third-degree burns from sitting on a hot seat.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Sometimes, with the metal seat belts,
0:12:28 > 0:12:32you would actually get the insignia of the car branded on your arse.
0:12:32 > 0:12:36I liked that switch - you know when you get a car and there wouldn't actually be a switch,
0:12:36 > 0:12:39there would just be a plastic cover where there should be a switch,
0:12:39 > 0:12:42to let you know that you didn't have the best model?
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Have you got one?
0:12:46 > 0:12:51I want to bring back when we didn't know when celebrities were gay.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Anyone under 30 in this room for watching this will not be
0:12:54 > 0:12:59able to comprehend it, but back in the day, we had no idea!
0:12:59 > 0:13:04I remember when nobody knew that Freddie Mercury was gay.
0:13:04 > 0:13:09And I distinctly, to this day, remember going, "No, he's not!
0:13:09 > 0:13:10"He's got a moustache!"
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Nobody knew.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18My dad had a moustache in the '80s and it didn't mean he was gay,
0:13:18 > 0:13:21it just meant that he got stopped more often by the Guards,
0:13:21 > 0:13:24when there was a kidnapping on, or something.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30My mother still doesn't know when people are gay. They could be clad in leather, with the arse
0:13:30 > 0:13:34cut out of their trousers, I'll be like, "He's gay." "No!"
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Dennis, what would you like to bring back?
0:13:37 > 0:13:40I thought the dances in Northern Ireland were the greatest.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Probably the same all over Ireland, really.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46But you had three slow dances, then you had three quick dances.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48And then a fight!
0:13:49 > 0:13:53But when I used to go to dances, I'd take my glasses off, you know,
0:13:53 > 0:13:55thinking I was a bit cool.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58So you'd pick a girl you wanted to dance with on the other side
0:13:58 > 0:14:01of the hall. So you'd head across and when you got there,
0:14:01 > 0:14:05she'd look totally different to what she did...
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Was there any rule with three dances in a row,
0:14:07 > 0:14:10if you got three dances in a row then you were in?
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Was it like the fair, you could have anything from the top row?
0:14:16 > 0:14:20My favourite dance, it was called the Pony Trot.
0:14:20 > 0:14:21That was famous, that.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24It was twice round the floor and then outside for your oats.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:14:28 > 0:14:31- Michael, what would you like to bring back?- House parties.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34When I was a child, your mum and dad would go out drinking and dancing,
0:14:34 > 0:14:37they always said they were going out dancing, drink was never mentioned.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41So they'd come back at about 11, have fish and chips,
0:14:41 > 0:14:44a few drinks, then it's time to get the kids out of bed to do the entertaining.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47That's what you were there for, to entertain drunk parents and their friends.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Kids were dragged out of their beds, stuck in front of the fire...
0:14:50 > 0:14:54Don't know why you were stuck in front of the fire, probably because it was the focal part of the room,
0:14:54 > 0:14:58but it used to freak me out, cos I used to wear nylon pyjamas.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01I never realised what drink was when I was younger,
0:15:01 > 0:15:03I just thought my dad was on good form at night time.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07I used to have an Uncle Jimmy who used to tease you
0:15:07 > 0:15:09and threaten you at the same time.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12One of those wee Belfast men, only about that size,
0:15:12 > 0:15:15that spoke out the side of their mouths. "There's 50p.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17"Do you want 50p?" "Thanks, Uncle Jimmy."
0:15:17 > 0:15:19"Come on, let's do this!"
0:15:20 > 0:15:22I never learn my lesson.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25By the end of the night I've had £2.50 and a ringing in my ears.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Eleanor, what would you like to bring back?
0:15:27 > 0:15:31Dynasty, because I was a huge fan of Alexis Carrington
0:15:31 > 0:15:33when she was in Dynasty.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35- Do people remember Alexis? - AUDIENCE: Yes.
0:15:35 > 0:15:36She was played by Joan Collins
0:15:36 > 0:15:40and she was fantastically sexually successful
0:15:40 > 0:15:43and, as a nine-year-old in Roscommon in Ireland,
0:15:43 > 0:15:46I thought she'd be a good person for me to base myself upon.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49She would go into the office of the guy she was after
0:15:49 > 0:15:51and it was this guy Blake always,
0:15:51 > 0:15:56and she would go in and she'd be like, "Well, well, well.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59"If it isn't the handsomest man in all of Denver."
0:15:59 > 0:16:01This guy Blake anyway,
0:16:01 > 0:16:05he'd be behind his desk, he'd be like, "Get out of here, Alexis!
0:16:05 > 0:16:08"I don't have time for a cold-hearted bitch like you."
0:16:08 > 0:16:12Aye, because he'd been hurt by her in the previous episode.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15And she would open the top button of her blouse
0:16:15 > 0:16:18and reveal her cleavage underneath.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21I suspect Alexis was from a tough background,
0:16:21 > 0:16:23because she used to have these clip-on earrings on
0:16:23 > 0:16:27and she could rip them off without registering any pain in her face
0:16:27 > 0:16:32whatsoever. And then she would grab his tie, grab him by the tie.
0:16:32 > 0:16:33- Me?- Yeah, you!
0:16:33 > 0:16:35- Am I Blake?- You're Blake.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38So she would grab him by the tie and that would get him
0:16:38 > 0:16:40to rise to his feet.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Right?
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Perfect. And then he would lay her down on the desk...
0:16:45 > 0:16:47LAUGHTER
0:16:47 > 0:16:51And... Exact... This is it. Exact. Perfect, right?
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Now, outside for your oats.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57APPLAUSE
0:16:59 > 0:17:00Anyway, right.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04When I was nine, I started to fancy this young fella in my class.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08I waited till until got him on his own in the classroom one day,
0:17:08 > 0:17:10went in, I said...
0:17:11 > 0:17:12.."Well, well, well."
0:17:12 > 0:17:14LAUGHTER
0:17:17 > 0:17:21"The fittest and handsomest boy in all of...third class."
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Then I opened the top button of my school shirt to reveal
0:17:24 > 0:17:26my cleavage...my vest.
0:17:28 > 0:17:29My vest underneath.
0:17:29 > 0:17:34I didn't have any earrings on, but I had a lazy eye at the time.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36So I just tore off the plaster,
0:17:36 > 0:17:39in what I thought was a suggestive, kind of, way.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41And I did the thing, then,
0:17:41 > 0:17:44and I really think he would have gone for it,
0:17:44 > 0:17:48because I grabbed him by the tie and I did the lean-back
0:17:48 > 0:17:51and he definitely was about to submit,
0:17:51 > 0:17:53if he had have been wearing a proper tie.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - But he wasn't!
0:17:56 > 0:17:58He was wearing the front of a tie!
0:17:58 > 0:18:02And the rest of it was elastic. So I leaned back, I fell down.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04AUDIENCE: Aw!
0:18:04 > 0:18:07APPLAUSE
0:18:07 > 0:18:10At the end of that round, the points go to Jimeoin's team.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12APPLAUSE
0:18:12 > 0:18:13Mystery Monumental is the next round.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17It's all about celebrating the incredible achievements of a Northern Irish person
0:18:17 > 0:18:20who is so modest you may not be aware what it is they've done.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24So please welcome tonight's Mystery Monumental guest, Annalisa.
0:18:24 > 0:18:25APPLAUSE
0:18:25 > 0:18:29MUSIC: "You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Now, Annalisa has held a world record for almost 20 years.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38But what is that world record? Let's find out, here's your first clue.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41Clue number one is a headline:
0:18:46 > 0:18:48- DENNIS:- The world's best legs.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Oh, bless you.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53- So you are a teacher? - I am a teacher, yes.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55OK, would you please give us your clue?
0:18:55 > 0:18:59Sure. If you stand too close to me when I'm in full flow,
0:18:59 > 0:19:01you may lose one of your senses.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04I'm just going to double-check that.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13No, that's all right. That's all right.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Can you still speak, Micky?
0:19:15 > 0:19:17- Sorry?- I can't.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20He doesn't get to be around women much.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23I will give you your final clue. This may give it away now.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Annalisa's talent has something in common with jet engines
0:19:26 > 0:19:27and rock concerts.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29- Are you like an opera singer?- No.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32- Are you like... Are you a singer?- No.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Yodelling. What about yodelling?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37You've got a high vocal range or something...
0:19:37 > 0:19:40You can hit the highest frequency when you're screaming?
0:19:40 > 0:19:41You're getting very close.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Has she got the record for the loudest scream?
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Annalisa Flanagan, from Finaghy, holds the world record
0:19:46 > 0:19:48for the loudest shout.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50- Correct, Jimeoin.- Yes!
0:19:53 > 0:19:54Have you got kids, Annalisa?
0:19:54 > 0:19:57- Yes.- So when you shout out the back door for them
0:19:57 > 0:19:59to come in for their dinner, they can't say.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01I get the whole street in!
0:20:01 > 0:20:04So you have to make sandwiches for everybody, don't you?
0:20:04 > 0:20:05And what word did you yell?
0:20:05 > 0:20:07It's quite ironic, because it's the loudest shout,
0:20:07 > 0:20:10but I actually shout the word "quiet".
0:20:10 > 0:20:15- And reached 121 decibels, and no-one's ever topped it.- No.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16We should have a demonstration.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18And we should have a bit of a competition.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21Andrew's team, because you lost, the three of you have to see
0:20:21 > 0:20:25- if you can shout louder than Annalisa.- Together?- Yes.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27- On one microphone, like The Three Tops?- Yep.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31Annalisa, take it away.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35- EAR-PIERCING SCREAM:- QUIET!
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Wow.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39101.2 decibels.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43Very impressive. If the three lads make their way up to the same spot
0:20:43 > 0:20:45and have a crack, please. Do you have a word you'd like to use?
0:20:45 > 0:20:48- We'll stick with "quiet", I think. - You'll go with "quiet"?
0:20:48 > 0:20:51- JIMEOIN:- You look like you're being thrown out, Maxwell.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Ho, ho, ho, you're edging closer than Annalisa was.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Edge back, edge back. All right, there it is, OK.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00You count us in, count us in.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02- JIMEOIN:- One, two, three.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05ALL: QUIET!
0:21:06 > 0:21:10- Oh, not quite! Annalisa wins the day.- Woo!
0:21:10 > 0:21:12APPLAUSE
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Ladies and gentlemen, round of applause for Annalisa.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18APPLAUSE
0:21:20 > 0:21:23In this round, I'm going to show the teams a series of headlines.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27They have to buzz in and tell me what monumental moment they think generated that headline.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Up first, it's this little gem:
0:21:31 > 0:21:32BUZZER
0:21:32 > 0:21:34"But later, showers will return."
0:21:34 > 0:21:37"Derry wins the 2013 City of Culture bid."
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Headline number two:
0:21:41 > 0:21:42BUZZER
0:21:42 > 0:21:45- Eleanor?- People don't realise how stressful it is to be a sheep.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49It was Fermanagh Council issuing a warning to dog owners
0:21:49 > 0:21:51about worrying sheep.
0:21:53 > 0:21:54BUZZER
0:21:54 > 0:21:56- Andrew?- No.- OK.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01The answer was, it was a trail bike event near Omagh.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Your next headline:
0:22:04 > 0:22:05BUZZER
0:22:05 > 0:22:08To swing or not to swing - Shakespeare in the Park.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10BUZZER
0:22:10 > 0:22:11Michael?
0:22:11 > 0:22:15Was it trying to ban the rock and roll vicar, who was known
0:22:15 > 0:22:17as Elvis Paisley?
0:22:18 > 0:22:20The correct answer is,
0:22:20 > 0:22:24should children's play parks be open on a Sunday?
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Absolutely not!
0:22:26 > 0:22:30It's an abomination! There was no day off in the Old Testament.
0:22:30 > 0:22:35You're running from the Philistines, 24/7!
0:22:35 > 0:22:39It's all well and good, but I can see Dennis has got another one.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42- Come on, Dennis!- Well, talking about swinging, the two wee...
0:22:42 > 0:22:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:22:45 > 0:22:48It's like the two wee fellas from Dungannon lying in bed together
0:22:48 > 0:22:52and one said to the other, "I don't think much of this wife swapping."
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Paddy and Mary on their wedding night.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Mary jumps into bed, takes all her clothes off,
0:22:59 > 0:23:01lies across the bed and says, "You know what I want, Paddy."
0:23:01 > 0:23:04He says, "The whole of the bed, by the look of it."
0:23:05 > 0:23:08I'm going to give that round to Jimeoin's team.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10APPLAUSE
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Shortly we'll be finding out which team has won tonight's
0:23:13 > 0:23:17Monumental battle, but not before we pay tribute to our special guest.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20He's a former world champion snooker player, a national treasure
0:23:20 > 0:23:23and the king of Coalisland. Anyone for Dennis?
0:23:23 > 0:23:24It's Dennis Taylor.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27APPLAUSE
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Dennis, come on down and have a seat.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Dennis Taylor is one of Northern Ireland's most loved sons,
0:23:35 > 0:23:37he's a household name in these parts
0:23:37 > 0:23:39and one of the most popular players in world snooker.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43If you were anywhere near a TV at 22 minutes past midnight
0:23:43 > 0:23:44on the 28th of April 1985,
0:23:44 > 0:23:47there's a pretty good chance you were watching this,
0:23:47 > 0:23:49along with 18 million others.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54COMMENTATOR: 'He's done it! CROWD CHEER
0:23:54 > 0:23:57'Dennis Taylor, for the first time...'
0:23:57 > 0:23:59APPLAUSE
0:24:01 > 0:24:02What a moment.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06I'm no expert in body language,
0:24:06 > 0:24:08but that looked like you were happy.
0:24:08 > 0:24:13Well, that was more or less then it took me 13 years to reach the top,
0:24:13 > 0:24:16but to beat someone like Steve Davis
0:24:16 > 0:24:19after being eight frames to nothing behind,
0:24:19 > 0:24:24it was just a dream come true, really. And it was great.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27There was a lot of candles and a lot of prayers said that night for me,
0:24:27 > 0:24:29a lot of candles lit, yeah.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32And then, of course, a few weeks after that, they brought me back
0:24:32 > 0:24:36to Coalisland, and all denominations descended on Coalisland,
0:24:36 > 0:24:38it's the biggest crowd that Coalisland have ever seen
0:24:38 > 0:24:40and I picked a good one to win.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44We've actually got footage of your return to Coalisland
0:24:44 > 0:24:47and the reception you received and the speech that you made.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51APPLAUSE
0:24:51 > 0:24:54It's a little bit difficult to find words to describe.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58I mean, I was brought up here and was here until I was 17
0:24:58 > 0:25:00and spent many happy hours round the town here.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03In fact, I think I might even have pinched a packet of sweets
0:25:03 > 0:25:05out of McGlinchey's there.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:25:07 > 0:25:10Are you all applauding him for nicking a packet of sweets?
0:25:10 > 0:25:12I would have loved if that had been like The Simpsons.
0:25:12 > 0:25:17Moe at the front of the mob, "You heard him! Let's rob McGlinchey's!
0:25:17 > 0:25:20"If it's all right for Dennis, it's all right for us!"
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Irish people are known for their musical ability,
0:25:22 > 0:25:24it just seems to be something you're born with.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28And Dennis is no different. Here he is with Chas & Dave and the Matchroom Mob,
0:25:28 > 0:25:29singing Snooker Loopy.
0:25:29 > 0:25:34# But our friend Den hours he spent down the snooker hall
0:25:34 > 0:25:35# On the old green baize
0:25:35 > 0:25:39# His mates seem amazed with his skills with the snooker ball
0:25:39 > 0:25:42# But them long shots he never, ever got
0:25:42 > 0:25:44# Why, the old mind boggles
0:25:44 > 0:25:46# But nowadays he pots the lot
0:25:46 > 0:25:49# Cos I wear these goggles
0:25:49 > 0:25:53# Snooker loopy nuts are we We're all snooker loopy. #
0:25:53 > 0:25:57APPLAUSE
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Dennis, we also know you enjoy dancing.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01When Strictly asked you to appear,
0:26:01 > 0:26:03that must have been an easy decision.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07And your paso doble was regarded as one of the TV entertainment moments
0:26:07 > 0:26:09of the year in 2005.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Let's remind ourselves why.
0:26:11 > 0:26:15# It's the eye of the tiger It's the thrill of the fight
0:26:15 > 0:26:19# Rising up to the challenge of our rival
0:26:19 > 0:26:23# And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
0:26:23 > 0:26:26# And he's watching us all
0:26:26 > 0:26:31# With the eye of the tiger... #
0:26:31 > 0:26:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:37 > 0:26:42That was one of the greatest star jumps ever seen on television.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46I must have got at least two inches off the ground.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Listen, we didn't do paso dobles up in Coalisland.
0:26:49 > 0:26:54I like the way you finished it, kicking her up the floor. That was a nice touch.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57I was kind of hoping you'd pick her up at the end and just go, "Yeah!"
0:26:57 > 0:27:00Now, Dennis, we know you're monumental,
0:27:00 > 0:27:04but one very special person wanted to give you a very special message.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Dennis Taylor!
0:27:06 > 0:27:10Congratulations, monumental status, and I'll tell you what -
0:27:10 > 0:27:15it couldn't happen to a nicer bloke. Now, Strictly Comes Dancing.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Your paso doble was anything but monumental.
0:27:18 > 0:27:23Dennis, it's not a seven.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25It's a ten, from Len!
0:27:25 > 0:27:28APPLAUSE
0:27:29 > 0:27:33Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the man, the legend.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36Dennis Taylor, you are Monumental.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:38 > 0:27:42- Thank you very much. - Absolute pleasure.
0:27:42 > 0:27:43Look at that.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48And listen, the scores are in at the end of the show.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Dennis, you took it over the line,
0:27:50 > 0:27:52scores to Andrew's team for the night.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:56 > 0:27:59I think this is the appropriate way to wrap up the show.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01LAUGHTER
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Everybody, glasses out.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05APPLAUSE
0:28:05 > 0:28:09And give it up for Jimeoin, Michael Smiley and Eleanor Tiernan,
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Andrew Maxwell and Micky Bartlett.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15- And the monumental Dennis Taylor! - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:28:15 > 0:28:19I've been Adam Hills and you lovely people of Northern Ireland
0:28:19 > 0:28:21have been truly monumental. Goodnight!
0:28:36 > 0:28:39Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd