0:00:16 > 0:00:21This programme contains adult humour and some strong language.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24G'day, I'm Adam Hills, welcome to Monumental.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27The show about Northern Ireland, hosted by an Australian.
0:00:27 > 0:00:31Tonight, two teams will celebrate the great, the good, the weird and wonderful of Northern Ireland.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34As always, the captain of the team on my right is a comedian
0:00:34 > 0:00:36who is known all over the world by a single name.
0:00:36 > 0:00:37Give it up for Jimeoin.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39APPLAUSE
0:00:39 > 0:00:42With Jimeoin is an award-winning movie star and comedian
0:00:42 > 0:00:43who used to work as a bicycle courier.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46You will always get a smooth and efficient delivery.
0:00:46 > 0:00:47It's Michael Smiley.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Joining them this week
0:00:51 > 0:00:53is a fantastically talented actress and comedian
0:00:53 > 0:00:56who you will have seen in Channel 4's award-winning sitcom Peep Show,
0:00:56 > 0:00:58it's Yasmine Akram.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Taking on Jimeoin's team is a man who, according to Wikipedia,
0:01:03 > 0:01:05supports Scottish football team Hibernian.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07It also says he is a limbo dancing champion
0:01:07 > 0:01:09and Jennifer Aniston's body double.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Please welcome Andrew Maxwell.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13APPLAUSE
0:01:13 > 0:01:17With him is the best thing to come out of Lurgan since...
0:01:18 > 0:01:21He's the best thing to come out of Lurgan. It's Mickey Bartlett.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23APPLAUSE
0:01:24 > 0:01:26And tonight's Monumental guest
0:01:26 > 0:01:28to whom we will be paying a very special tribute,
0:01:28 > 0:01:31he's a national treasure, he's good and he's very right.
0:01:31 > 0:01:32It's Roy Walker.
0:01:37 > 0:01:38I've been coming here for a while,
0:01:38 > 0:01:42and I've noticed a few changes over the years when it comes to tourists.
0:01:42 > 0:01:43Mainly, you have some now.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48The Lonely Planet names Belfast as, I quote, "a must-see place."
0:01:48 > 0:01:51When I first came here, a mate of mine from Scotland said,
0:01:51 > 0:01:52"Belfast is a hole."
0:01:52 > 0:01:56Now, I can prove to you people that this place is not a hole.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58You have the Titanic Quarter, the Cathedral Quarter,
0:01:58 > 0:02:01the Queen's Quarter, the Market Quarter, the Linen Quarter,
0:02:01 > 0:02:04the Library Quarter, and the Gaeltacht Quarter.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06That is seven quarters, people.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09And we all know seven quarters is more than a whole.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Records also show there is more tourist activity in Belfast
0:02:13 > 0:02:14than ever before.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17I'm pretty sure that has as much to do with attracting them
0:02:17 > 0:02:18as it does with keeping them in.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Belfast International Airport is 25 miles outside of the city,
0:02:22 > 0:02:26Belfast Central train station is on the outskirts of Belfast,
0:02:26 > 0:02:28and the central one is actually called Victoria Station.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Add to that, the M1 runs to Dungannon,
0:02:30 > 0:02:32the M2 changes to the M22 in a place called Dunsilly.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34There's another M2 near Ballymena
0:02:34 > 0:02:36and as you drive into Belfast on the M2,
0:02:36 > 0:02:39you might end up on the M5 or a bridge called the M3
0:02:39 > 0:02:41that takes you to a set of road works.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43The road that joins the M1 and the M2 is called the West Link.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45If you want to turn off to get to Belfast,
0:02:45 > 0:02:47it's best to follow the signs to Newcastle.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50LAUGHTER
0:02:53 > 0:02:55How about we kick on with the show?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57The first round is called Wish They Were One Of Us.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Our panel will decide who deserves an honorary Northern Irish status.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Roy, you can kick us all off?
0:03:02 > 0:03:07Who, from the entire world, do you think should be Northern Irish?
0:03:07 > 0:03:12- Barack Obama.- Should be Northern Irish?- Yes, he's one of the Obamas.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17You have the O'Grady's, and the O'Dowd's.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19He's a...
0:03:20 > 0:03:22And when he was at school, his name wasn't Barack.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24It was Barnbrack.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28The teacher always said he used his loaf.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34- Isn't he of Irish descent? - He is one 32nd Irish.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36If he was properly Northern Irish,
0:03:36 > 0:03:38and he was addressing the United States,
0:03:38 > 0:03:40it wouldn't be, "My fellow Americans..."
0:03:40 > 0:03:42He would be on a camera going...
0:03:42 > 0:03:45- STRONG REGIONAL ACCENT: - "Well, there's no petrol,
0:03:45 > 0:03:48"there's no diesel, I'm turning everything off."
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Michael, who do you think should be Northern Irish?
0:03:53 > 0:03:56I'd like Frank Sinatra to be Northern Irish.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Northern Irish people love to sing,
0:03:58 > 0:04:00but we can't do it in our own accents.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02You never hear Northern Irish people or Belfast people
0:04:02 > 0:04:04singing proper songs, do you?
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Like... STRONG BELFAST ACCENT: # Fly me to the moon
0:04:09 > 0:04:12# In other words hold my ha-a-a-aand. #
0:04:12 > 0:04:16I would like to hear Strangers In The Night in the Northern Irish accent.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18# Strangers in the night
0:04:18 > 0:04:20# Exchanging glances
0:04:23 > 0:04:26# Feeling slightly threatened
0:04:26 > 0:04:27# Looking out my window
0:04:27 > 0:04:30# Do you recognise me now?
0:04:30 > 0:04:33# We're strangers in the night. #
0:04:33 > 0:04:36APPLAUSE
0:04:38 > 0:04:42The only music that you can really properly sing in a Belfast accent
0:04:42 > 0:04:45is paramilitary folk music.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46Have you ever experienced it?
0:04:46 > 0:04:49- I've not come across this genre at all.- You can get into it.
0:04:49 > 0:04:53You can sing it too, Adam. It's pretty straightforward.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56All paramilitary folk music involves is a lot of numbers.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Just throw out as many numbers as you can.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02# In the year 1814, 1613, 1940
0:05:02 > 0:05:06# 1408, 1812, 1306!
0:05:06 > 0:05:13# 1614, 1802, 1813, 1904, 1418, 1913, '22! #
0:05:13 > 0:05:14APPLAUSE
0:05:16 > 0:05:19It doesn't half get your blood going, that! That was great, that.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23- My heart's pumping here. - 1416, 1813, 1419, '92...
0:05:23 > 0:05:26That's the problem being Northern Irish of a certain age,
0:05:26 > 0:05:28all you hear is someone going...
0:05:30 > 0:05:32It doesn't matter which bar you go into, they all love it.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35They have to slowly unpick the numbers.
0:05:35 > 0:05:371719...that's us.
0:05:37 > 0:05:421640, that's them. 1940, that's us.
0:05:42 > 0:05:461066, that was the Battle Of Hastings.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Which side were we in the Battle Of Hastings?
0:05:51 > 0:05:55- Jimeoin, who do you think should be Northern Ireland?- Ronaldo.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58It would be great if he was playing for Northern Ireland.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59Every time he takes that free kick,
0:05:59 > 0:06:02- and he stands up and just before he does it, he does that... - HE SIGHS
0:06:02 > 0:06:07It would be great to hear the whole audience just go, "You knob."
0:06:09 > 0:06:12In Ireland, everybody's a knob.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14It's just a... You start off, everyone's a knob.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16I was walking down the street,
0:06:16 > 0:06:19there was a mannequin in a shop window, it was blue,
0:06:19 > 0:06:22had a coat on, a hat tipped forward,
0:06:22 > 0:06:26I'm looking at the mannequin thinking, "You knob."
0:06:26 > 0:06:28It just got me at the wrong time of day.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29I met him later and he was fine.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35Andrew, who would you like to offer up?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37I think Simon Cowell could easily be from here.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41Because he's got a weird haircut, he's got bad jeans
0:06:41 > 0:06:43and he's always judging people.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46You could have a show called...
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- STRONG REGIONAL ACCENT: - ..the X Factor.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51The Tractor Factor!
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Bone Idle.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Yasmine, who would you like to nominate as being Northern Irish?
0:06:58 > 0:07:01Robert Pattinson. Twilight actor, young guy, yeah.
0:07:01 > 0:07:02Celebrity vampire.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Yes, celebrity vampire.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Because I think he's quite like Northern Irish boys.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11He's sweet, he's got a good job, he's good-looking,
0:07:11 > 0:07:14he loves his mammy, I presume.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Nobody would question why he's so pasty.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21And a vampire can live off black pudding. Right?
0:07:21 > 0:07:24He would be under the radar, you wouldn't even notice him.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26- He would fit in perfectly.- Exactly.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Mickey, who do you think should be Northern Irish?
0:07:28 > 0:07:32- I would like to have Justin Bieber. - Wouldn't we all?
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Just purely because recently someone asked me
0:07:34 > 0:07:37if I could go to a desert island and I had to bring three things,
0:07:37 > 0:07:39one of them was Justin Bieber.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41- What were the other two things? - A shovel and a gun.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50I'm going to give the points to Jimeoin's team.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:54 > 0:07:58The next round is about getting smaller Northern Irish towns on the tourist map.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Let's get more rich Americans in places they can't pronounce, people.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Jimeoin's team, you're first. I'm going to tell you about
0:08:04 > 0:08:06a local town that you may or may not know,
0:08:06 > 0:08:08but which town am I talking about?
0:08:08 > 0:08:09Your first fact.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13A native daughter of this town has a crater on the moon named after her.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Did she give birth or something on the moon?
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- Don't help him, Roy, this is their one.- Oh, yeah.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23- Did she give birth to someone on the moon?!- A creatur.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29APPLAUSE
0:08:29 > 0:08:32- Can we have another fact? - You can have another fact.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35This town is home to a collection of statues
0:08:35 > 0:08:37known locally as "the Tinnies".
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Just like big stacks of beer?
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Loads of people have made a student...
0:08:41 > 0:08:44- Did they?- No, that's not it.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46It actually has some official artistic name,
0:08:46 > 0:08:48but the locals went, "No, it's the Tinnies."
0:08:48 > 0:08:50There's all that in Dublin.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52There's the Anna Livia fountain,
0:08:52 > 0:08:55which is this female goddess lying in a river.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57But everybody calls it "The Floozy In The Jacuzzi".
0:08:57 > 0:09:02There's Molly Malone, and everybody calls that "The Tart With The Cart".
0:09:02 > 0:09:04And there's the statue of Joyce,
0:09:04 > 0:09:06and he's leaning on his cane with his glasses
0:09:06 > 0:09:09and everybody calls that "The Prick With The Stick".
0:09:09 > 0:09:12We have a statue of a guy holding a gun in Portstewart
0:09:12 > 0:09:15and we used to phone up the police and say,
0:09:15 > 0:09:17"There's a man outside the Spar with a gun,"
0:09:17 > 0:09:19and they came down and there was the statue.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24We didn't have a lot to do in Portstewart.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Here's your final fact.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29This town is synonymous with a wee man
0:09:29 > 0:09:31who also claims to be everybody's uncle.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34No idea, I'm just hoping if I stay quiet long enough
0:09:34 > 0:09:35one of you will answer.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Newry?
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Cullybackey? Aghadowey?
0:09:39 > 0:09:43We've got great names up here for towns. Gilnahirk.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47You made that one up.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50The towns up here sound like they've even given up on themselves.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Auch! Aughnacloy.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56My favourite's Tandragee.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00I can never drive past the turn-off without singing the song from Grease.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03# Look at me, I'm Tandragee. #
0:10:04 > 0:10:07All right, so you've no idea what the town is?
0:10:07 > 0:10:08- Newry.- You're going to go with Newry?
0:10:08 > 0:10:12- It is not Newry. Do you guys want to have a guess?- I know.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13- Do you?- Yeah.- Go on, then.- Strabane.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Yes, it's Strabane.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17I'll give the point over there.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:20 > 0:10:22How did you know it was Strabane?
0:10:22 > 0:10:23Hugo Duncan is The Wee Man From Strabane.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27- And have you seen this piece of public art?- The Tinnies?
0:10:29 > 0:10:32No, I thought he said titties, to be honest.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36The town of Strabane is quite proud of the fact that Tiger Woods
0:10:36 > 0:10:38once fished nearby on the River Mourne.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40At the time he said it was the only river
0:10:40 > 0:10:43he had fished in Northern Ireland, but since then 15 other rivers
0:10:43 > 0:10:45have come forward to say he dropped his rod in them as well.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48All right, I might move on to Andrew's town.
0:10:48 > 0:10:53It is here in 1103 that Magnus Barefoot the King of Norway
0:10:53 > 0:10:56is believed to have been killed by a blow to the neck with an axe.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- Good, I hated him.- Oh, yeah.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03Any idea where Magnus the Barefoot was slew?
0:11:03 > 0:11:07- Slew, yes.- He would have definitely been slewn.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Probably where he landed, you know?
0:11:09 > 0:11:13They used to do the bit of fighting there, rather than walking.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16Oh, God, it's definitely going to be coastal.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19- Every single town in Ireland was originally...- Coastal.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Yeah, coastal.
0:11:21 > 0:11:22Here's your next fact.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Over 130,000 people stood across the road
0:11:24 > 0:11:27from this town's popular local nightclub in 2012
0:11:27 > 0:11:30to watch another famous clubbing event.
0:11:30 > 0:11:31Was it a bomb scare?
0:11:34 > 0:11:37- Do we have any more facts? - There is one more fact.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Kevin Costner's multi-million pound movie flop shares its name
0:11:40 > 0:11:42with a leisure facility in this town,
0:11:42 > 0:11:45but this one will only cost you £4.75.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47- Robin Hood.- No, it's not Robin Hood!
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- That wasn't a flop, it was a big success.- Was it?- Yes.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Waterworld.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Wherever Waterworld is and it's got to be coastal,
0:11:54 > 0:11:56because that's where the Vikings liked hanging out.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59- I've forgotten the middle clue. - Portrush.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02It is indeed Portrush, well done.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04APPLAUSE
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Andrew's team got them both right, so Andrew's team get both points.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14This next round asks if there's anything Northern Irish
0:12:14 > 0:12:16the panel wish was still around.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Change is good, but sometimes changing back is better.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23- So, Jimeoin, what would you like to bring back?- Dogs' poo.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26I always enjoyed it. It was always a nice point of reference.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30If somebody stood on it, you always checked to see if it was you first
0:12:30 > 0:12:33and as soon as you're in the clear, you go, "Somebody stood in dog shit!"
0:12:33 > 0:12:35It was not me.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38And you didn't necessarily have to see someone standing in it
0:12:38 > 0:12:41to have a laugh. You could see where it used to be,
0:12:41 > 0:12:43then you could see where they've kicked it,
0:12:43 > 0:12:46and further down you could see where they've gone,
0:12:46 > 0:12:47"Oh, no, look at this..."
0:12:47 > 0:12:51I always loved watching people trying to take dog poo off their shoe
0:12:51 > 0:12:53and the only thing they have to use is their other shoe.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56Like trying to get Sellotape off your finger.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Did you ever see a dog walking down the street going,
0:12:59 > 0:13:00"Oh, who did that?"
0:13:00 > 0:13:04LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:06 > 0:13:10I love the fact that you can embarrass a dog out of having a poo.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13- Stare the dog down?- No, just tell him off halfway through it.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17You dirty little... You're a disgrace. That's horrible.
0:13:17 > 0:13:18And the dog will be...
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Whereas a cat will just keep looking at you.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26He will just keep doing it, going, "What are you going to do?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28- "You got nothing. You got nothing, have you?"- Nothing.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Ever see somebody, when the dog's doing its business,
0:13:31 > 0:13:32and they do that look away, that...
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Like the dog's putting its key number in or something.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Andrew, what would you like to bring back?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Up here during the Troubles, you weren't allowed to leave a car
0:13:46 > 0:13:48- and walk away from the town centre. - Unattended.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Unattended, that's what it was. Unattended cars.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53So my elderly Northern Irish relatives
0:13:53 > 0:13:55used to leave me in the car.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00There used to be rows of Cortinas with just a child.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08"Well, there's no bomb in here, there's a six-year-old."
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Yasmine, what would you like to bring back?
0:14:13 > 0:14:14I'd like to bring back...
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Do you remember they used to have ads on UTV
0:14:16 > 0:14:20which were like a freeze-frame of a furniture store or something?
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Just an ad that just went...
0:14:22 > 0:14:25A picture, and then it used to go, that kind of...
0:14:25 > 0:14:29Then it would go, "Lallie's Furniture Store, open on Saturday,
0:14:29 > 0:14:32"nine to five, off the whatever roundabout."
0:14:32 > 0:14:34- Are you doing me one now?- Morgans.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Michael, what would you like to bring back.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Holidays in Northern Ireland.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43People are used to going to Torremolinos
0:14:43 > 0:14:45and Ibiza and stuff like that.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47When I was a kid you didn't.
0:14:47 > 0:14:53You went to seaside towns like Portrush or Bundoran or Newcastle.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Summertime was just loads of kids, in anoraks tied round their neck,
0:14:56 > 0:14:59and their ma's dragging them along crying.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02You only knew at the time you were actually on holiday
0:15:02 > 0:15:04because the sandwiches were cut diagonally, you know?
0:15:04 > 0:15:06That was it.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09We never went on holidays at all.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12My mother used to just emigrate every couple of years
0:15:12 > 0:15:13and then come back again.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15We went to really weird places.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Like, my mother loved... We went to Denmark for about four months
0:15:18 > 0:15:21and then my mother was like, "Oh, it's cold, we'll go back."
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Then we emigrated to Canada and she was like,
0:15:24 > 0:15:26"Oh, it's too warm, we'll go back."
0:15:26 > 0:15:29And we kept going back to Drogheda, do you know what I mean?
0:15:29 > 0:15:31We went to exciting places and then we'd end up back in Drogheda.
0:15:31 > 0:15:36I was going, "How are any of these places not as good as Drogheda?"
0:15:36 > 0:15:40Yasmine, was your mummy a salmon?
0:15:40 > 0:15:42LAUGHTER
0:15:44 > 0:15:46How dare you, Roy Walker!
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Roy, what would you like to bring back to Northern Ireland?
0:15:49 > 0:15:53Kids' games that we used to play in the street. You know?
0:15:53 > 0:15:57Peery And Whip, anybody remember that?
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Yeah, and I liked the one with the shovel,
0:16:00 > 0:16:04where we used to get the kid there, hit him on the head.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08And then we played Forwards, Backwards Or Sideways?
0:16:08 > 0:16:12You know, we'd have bets on which way he'd fall.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14LAUGHTER
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Mickey, what do you want to bring back?
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Having to ask a culchie for directions.
0:16:20 > 0:16:25I was, like, watching my dad panic when he was lost.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27We'd be driving through country somewhere
0:16:27 > 0:16:30and you'd see some guy - it always looked like the same person -
0:16:30 > 0:16:31he'd be wearing like a tweed suit
0:16:31 > 0:16:34and he'd have a shotgun broken open over his arm
0:16:34 > 0:16:37and a dog lead, but no dog.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40And you would have to start, "Excuse me, I'm trying to find such and such."
0:16:40 > 0:16:45And a culchie giving directions is amazing, because all they do is shout sort of time periods.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48"Just, ah, 20 minutes up the road there, takes half an hour." It's a nightmare!
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Any time we drove anywhere in our car,
0:16:50 > 0:16:53my mum, the whole trip, would go, "We're late again!"
0:16:53 > 0:16:58"We're always late! Why are we the family that's always late?"
0:16:58 > 0:16:59LAUGHTER
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Was your mum a pantomime dame?
0:17:04 > 0:17:07At the end of that round, the points are going to Jimeoin's team.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10APPLAUSE
0:17:10 > 0:17:11It's Mystery Monumental now,
0:17:11 > 0:17:14in which we celebrate the phenomenal achievement
0:17:14 > 0:17:16by a Northern Irisher you probably don't know.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19The teams' challenge is to work out what that achievement is.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Would you please welcome
0:17:21 > 0:17:24tonight's mystery Monumental world champion guest, David.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26# What a man, what a man, what a man
0:17:26 > 0:17:28# What a mighty good man
0:17:28 > 0:17:30# Yes, he is. #
0:17:30 > 0:17:35David, welcome. And, what's that? We have another mystery guest as well.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39In fact, he's another world champion, please welcome Sam.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41# What a man, what a man, what a man
0:17:41 > 0:17:42# What a mighty good man
0:17:42 > 0:17:44# Say it again, now. #
0:17:44 > 0:17:46LAUGHTER
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Roy just asked me whether they were twins.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54Put your glasses on, there's only one there!
0:17:54 > 0:17:57These guys have both been world champions at something,
0:17:57 > 0:18:00but can the panel work it out? Here's your first clue.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03You can use a horse for this sport, but the brothers don't.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06- So yous don't use a horse, but you can use a horse?- Yes.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09- Is it even a sport?- It is. - Or is it a pastime?- It's a sport.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12But you could be from the countryside, do you know what I mean?
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Are you pantomime horses?
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Here's the second clue.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19The secret of their world-beating success
0:18:19 > 0:18:21is to give their equipment a good rubdown
0:18:21 > 0:18:23before and after every competition.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Are you hookers?
0:18:25 > 0:18:27LAUGHTER
0:18:27 > 0:18:28No.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32Tell you what, that's a very specific taste if they are.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Right, here's your final clue.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38This is widely regarded as the slowest motorsport in the world.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Oh! Is it lawnmower racing?
0:18:43 > 0:18:44- BOTH:- No.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48- Ploughing?- Yes, Michael Smiley, you are correct.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50APPLAUSE
0:18:50 > 0:18:51David and Sam Gill,
0:18:51 > 0:18:55identical twin brothers and World Ploughing Champions.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57APPLAUSE
0:18:59 > 0:19:02- What do yous use instead of a horse? - Tractor.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04A tractor? That's cheating!
0:19:04 > 0:19:08- What kind of tractor have you got? - Ford.- The blue one?
0:19:08 > 0:19:11What ever happened to the Massey Ferguson? I even like saying that.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13The ol' Massey Ferguson there,
0:19:13 > 0:19:15gives a chance for the boys from the countryside
0:19:15 > 0:19:18to get a wee bit of the whistle in the teeth, there, the way they shift.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21The wee Massey Ferguson's great. She's a great puller.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Oh, Jesus, she is!
0:19:23 > 0:19:26And if you polish her up, sure she's great for church on a Sunday.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29- David was the World Ploughing Champion in 2007.- Yes.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33OK. That's you, right? Sam won it in 2008.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37- That's correct, yeah.- Stealing the crown from your own flesh and blood!
0:19:37 > 0:19:41David was then crowned the Champion of Ploughing Champions in 2011.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43- That's correct. - Those were the jackets that you win
0:19:43 > 0:19:46when you're the World Ploughing Champion.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Ladies and gentlemen, the World Ploughing Champion jackets?
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Have you got name tags sewn into the back of them?
0:19:52 > 0:19:54We're both the same size.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59What gave you the edge over every other plougher?
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Probably our competitiveness between the two of us.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05You're like the Williams sisters of ploughing.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10- I don't have the legs for it. - You don't have the legs for it?
0:20:10 > 0:20:13You look like you're off to your first day at school.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16LAUGHTER
0:20:16 > 0:20:18APPLAUSE
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Ladies and gentlemen, one more time, Sam and David Gill.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25APPLAUSE
0:20:25 > 0:20:28I'm going to show the teams a series of newspaper headlines
0:20:28 > 0:20:31that link to monumental and not so monumental events
0:20:31 > 0:20:33in Northern Irish history. Teams, buzz in.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Guess what the headlines are all about. Headline number one...
0:20:39 > 0:20:42- BUZZER - Is it the new Will Smith movie?
0:20:43 > 0:20:46- MIMICS WILL SMITH:- "Wild West." That could be a great song.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48# Wild west Shotgun wedding in Glengormley
0:20:48 > 0:20:51# It's the wild, wild west Shotgun wedding in Glengormley... #
0:20:52 > 0:20:55To quote a great Northern Irish comedian, "Say what you see."
0:20:55 > 0:21:00It's just, it's a Wild West shotgun wedding in Glengormley.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Actually, it is. It's a cowboy-mad Ulster couple
0:21:02 > 0:21:06had a Wild West themed wedding in Glengormley. Next headline...
0:21:08 > 0:21:09- BUZZER - Yes?
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Is that Barbara Windsor came over to Northern Ireland
0:21:12 > 0:21:15and no-one noticed, but she was out of her head on drugs at the time?
0:21:15 > 0:21:17LAUGHTER
0:21:17 > 0:21:19From that wonderful show, E-Enders.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24It was Northern Ireland 1, England 0 at Windsor Park.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Next headline...
0:21:26 > 0:21:28- BUZZER - Mickey?
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Hammer Time everywhere else?
0:21:31 > 0:21:34It does sound like a euphemism for something.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37"G'day, darlin'. Look out, it's marmalade time at the castle!"
0:21:38 > 0:21:42It was the rock band Marmalade playing a gig in Banbridge.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46- BUZZER - Roy?- Mary Peters?
0:21:46 > 0:21:49Yes, it was Mary Peters winning Olympic gold. Excellent, Roy.
0:21:49 > 0:21:50APPLAUSE
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Andrew's team all over it. You've won that round.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54APPLAUSE
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Now, before we announce the winners and laugh at the losers,
0:21:57 > 0:22:00it's time to pay tribute to our special guest, and foist upon him
0:22:00 > 0:22:03the highly coveted Monumental status.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06This week it's going to be the legendary comedian and game show host,
0:22:06 > 0:22:08say what you see, people, it's Mr Roy Walker!
0:22:08 > 0:22:11APPLAUSE
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Come on over. Have a seat right here.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Ladies and gentlemen, what can you say about our Monumental guest?
0:22:20 > 0:22:21Comic legend, national treasure
0:22:21 > 0:22:25and host of one of the most popular quiz shows of all time, Catchphrase.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28But where do we start? Well, here's Roy as a boy.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30LAUGHTER
0:22:30 > 0:22:33That's me at school, yeah. Can't remember much about it.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35I didn't go often.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37LAUGHTER
0:22:37 > 0:22:41Who would have thought that kid would turn into such an alpha male?
0:22:41 > 0:22:44You boxed in the army, you worked in Harland & Wolff shipyard,
0:22:44 > 0:22:47you were the Northern Ireland National Hammer Throw Champion.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Yes, that's me there. I was in the army at the time.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53We didn't have guns in them days.
0:22:53 > 0:22:54LAUGHTER
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Can we see it again?
0:22:59 > 0:23:01That's not a hammer.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05This is how you throw a hammer.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08That's why they don't have anyone from Portstewart in the Olympics.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12That is the manliest photo I've ever seen.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15I'm assuming the next thing we're going to see is you with a bear.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Really?
0:23:17 > 0:23:21Oh, yeah, that was '63. I'd just come out of Australia, actually.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23We went into Borneo and that little bear,
0:23:23 > 0:23:26its mum and dad had got killed or something like that,
0:23:26 > 0:23:28so we adopted it, looked after it, and then we ate it.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30LAUGHTER
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Your big TV break came in 1977,
0:23:34 > 0:23:37when you won ITV's talent show, New Faces.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Wasn't it the highest ever vote or something like that?
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Yeah, I rigged it.
0:23:42 > 0:23:43LAUGHTER
0:23:43 > 0:23:46We can't have you on the show without talking about jokes.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48In the '70s, it really was all about the gags.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Do you mind if we show you a good old-fashioned
0:23:50 > 0:23:53- Paddy Irishman joke from one of your sets in the '70s?- Go on, then.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55OK. Here it is.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Of course, we're all watching the Olympics.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01There's an Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman, couldn't get into it.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03The English fella had a good idea.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06He picked up a manhole cover and he walks up to the gate
0:24:06 > 0:24:09and he said, "Anderson, England, discus."
0:24:11 > 0:24:13And the Scotsman, he picked up a telegraph pole.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16He said "Macgregor, Scotland, pole vault."
0:24:18 > 0:24:21This wee Irish fella picked up a roll of barbed wire.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26He said, "Murphy, Ireland, fencing."
0:24:26 > 0:24:29APPLAUSE
0:24:33 > 0:24:36You have a love of jokes, don't you? A genuine love of jokes.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39I love comedians, you know.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42Going up to Edinburgh and meeting all this crowd and what have you,
0:24:42 > 0:24:44it's like a school outing.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46It was very fortunate, to get in with the comedians,
0:24:46 > 0:24:47and then get a game show.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50It's all on the nod, you know.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53"He'll do, give him the job." Then you're lucky.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56You hosted Catchphrase for 13 years
0:24:56 > 0:24:59and it turned you into a household name. How did you get that job?
0:24:59 > 0:25:03I was quite fortunate. I was in a comedy show and what have you,
0:25:03 > 0:25:06and the guy was doing a lot of sketches, a fella called Russ Abbot?
0:25:06 > 0:25:09- Yeah.- I was the only stand-up and I was in the second half.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Everybody came in to see him, all of the TV company,
0:25:12 > 0:25:14he was very hot at the time.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17And I had a good night and they auditioned me the next morning.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21I dragged two women out of the gents' toilet who were cleaning it
0:25:21 > 0:25:23to play the game.
0:25:23 > 0:25:28It had two birds in a bush and one in Mr Chips's hand.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30I said, "A bird in the hand?" Tried to give her a clue.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32She said, "Shits on your wrist?"
0:25:32 > 0:25:34LAUGHTER
0:25:37 > 0:25:39I didn't want to embarrass them any more so I said,
0:25:39 > 0:25:42"Look, there's the picture there. Say what you see."
0:25:42 > 0:25:45And the guys, well, the controllers, they went, "What did he say?"
0:25:45 > 0:25:48He said, "He said, say what you see."
0:25:48 > 0:25:50And they went, "That's what we want."
0:25:50 > 0:25:53So just through saying that, without even thinking, got me the job.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56One of the best ever episodes of Catchphrase
0:25:56 > 0:25:58featured this clip right here.
0:25:58 > 0:25:59Here comes the bonus.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01LAUGHTER
0:26:01 > 0:26:02BUZZER
0:26:07 > 0:26:09LAUGHTER CONTINUES
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Sean, you're going to have to speak or we'll run out of time.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15- I've no idea, sorry.- You've no idea?
0:26:15 > 0:26:19I have £260 in the Bonus Bank. It's got to be won.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23We'll wipe the board. Concentrate, here we go...
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- Sean?- Snake charmer.- Right!
0:26:31 > 0:26:33APPLAUSE
0:26:37 > 0:26:38You've got a whole new generation of fans,
0:26:38 > 0:26:40helped by your Carpark Catchphrase slot
0:26:40 > 0:26:42on Chris Moyles' Radio 1 Breakfast Show.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44It ran for eight years.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Has it been lovely, getting a whole different generation of people?
0:26:47 > 0:26:51It's absolutely crazy. I've done 150 universities in the last three years.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53- Really?- Yeah.- Excellent.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56They all want to see a bit of Catchphrase and shout out,
0:26:56 > 0:26:57"Say what you see."
0:26:57 > 0:27:00At three grand a throw, they can shout what they want!
0:27:00 > 0:27:02APPLAUSE
0:27:04 > 0:27:07I think it's fair to say that everybody loves Roy,
0:27:07 > 0:27:09which is a sitcom waiting to happen.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11Here's a message from someone
0:27:11 > 0:27:13who might be up for auditioning for a role.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Roy, I'm sorry I can't be with you tonight but as we both know,
0:27:16 > 0:27:18I can't be arsed.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20We also know that from the minute
0:27:20 > 0:27:23you walked out on me and my mother, Gloria Hunniford,
0:27:23 > 0:27:25I've looked on you as a father figure.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29Honestly, for me, you've always been a hero,
0:27:29 > 0:27:32you've always been an inspiration,
0:27:32 > 0:27:35you've always been a hell of a drinking partner.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Have an unbelievable evening.
0:27:37 > 0:27:41If anybody deserves to be Monumental, it's you.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43APPLAUSE
0:27:47 > 0:27:51Roy Walker, you are truly Monumental.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53CHEERING
0:27:55 > 0:27:57At the end of the show, the scores are in
0:27:57 > 0:28:00and although you monumentally won the final round,
0:28:00 > 0:28:03the scores actually went to Jimeoin's team.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05APPLAUSE
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Thanks to Jimeoin, Michael Smiley and Yasmine Akram.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14Andrew Maxwell and Mickey Bartlett.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17And the one and only Roy Walker!
0:28:17 > 0:28:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:21 > 0:28:24I've been Adam Hills, and you're the lovely people of Northern Ireland
0:28:24 > 0:28:26who've been truly monumental. Good night.
0:28:26 > 0:28:27APPLAUSE
0:28:27 > 0:28:29# In the world
0:28:29 > 0:28:30# In the air
0:28:30 > 0:28:33# On my tongue
0:28:33 > 0:28:34# Before my eyes
0:28:34 > 0:28:36# Beyond the stars
0:28:36 > 0:28:39# Beneath the sun
0:28:39 > 0:28:46# So take me in your arms again
0:28:46 > 0:28:51# Lead me in my dreams again
0:28:51 > 0:28:56# So, what is it worth? #
0:28:56 > 0:28:59Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd