0:00:02 > 0:00:08This programme contains adult humour and some strong language.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:21 > 0:00:23G'day, I'm Adam Hills, welcome to Monumental,
0:00:23 > 0:00:26the panel show about Northern Ireland hosted by an Australian.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Tonight, two teams put Northern Ireland on a pedestal
0:00:29 > 0:00:31and worship its brilliance, barminess and bizarreness
0:00:31 > 0:00:33and as always, in charge of the team on my right is a comedian
0:00:33 > 0:00:35from Northern Ireland who moved to Australia
0:00:35 > 0:00:38and made a movie about a Northern Irishman who moved to Australia.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39It's Jimeoin.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42APPLAUSE
0:00:43 > 0:00:45With Jimeoin every week is a comedian
0:00:45 > 0:00:48and actor whose full and proper title sounds like one of the Mr Men.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50It's Mr Smiley, Michael Smiley.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52APPLAUSE
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Joining them is tonight's Monumental guest to whom
0:00:57 > 0:00:59we will be paying a very special tribute later on in the show.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02He's a boxing legend who's predicted he's going to win
0:01:02 > 0:01:03tonight by a third round knockout.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06We're not quite sure he's grasped the idea of the show.
0:01:06 > 0:01:07It's Barry McGuigan.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09APPLAUSE
0:01:09 > 0:01:13Up against Jimeoin's team is a comic who's just like a high school band - he's loud,
0:01:13 > 0:01:16brassy and with a well-developed wind section, it's Andrew Maxwell.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18APPLAUSE
0:01:18 > 0:01:20With him is a comedian who has had
0:01:20 > 0:01:23so many rough gigs at the start of his career, his autobiography
0:01:23 > 0:01:26will most likely be called Coined Off - it's Micky Bartlett.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29APPLAUSE
0:01:29 > 0:01:32And with them is a wonderful actress from Coleraine, best
0:01:32 > 0:01:34known for her role in cheeky Channel 4 sitcom The Inbetweeners
0:01:34 > 0:01:37and playing opposite Johnny Depp in the Sweeney Todd movie,
0:01:37 > 0:01:39it's the lovely Jayne Wisener.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42APPLAUSE
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Now, as the Australian, I'm the independent observer here
0:01:45 > 0:01:47tonight, but don't worry, I have spent time in Northern Ireland.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51I've loved being here and learning how everything is "wee".
0:01:51 > 0:01:52LAUGHTER
0:01:52 > 0:01:55And once you start noticing it, it happens all the time.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57I'm staying here at a hotel at the moment
0:01:57 > 0:02:00and I got breakfast this morning. "What's your wee room number?"
0:02:00 > 0:02:02LAUGHTER
0:02:02 > 0:02:05And then after breakfast, "I just need your wee signature."
0:02:05 > 0:02:07I was really tempted to go...
0:02:07 > 0:02:09LAUGHTER
0:02:09 > 0:02:12I do like the phrase here, "Is that you?"
0:02:12 > 0:02:15That means, "Have you finished?" Is that right?
0:02:15 > 0:02:17What kind of finished are you talking about?
0:02:17 > 0:02:20LAUGHTER
0:02:20 > 0:02:23No, it's a cliche, but even the people at immigration were friendly
0:02:23 > 0:02:24the first time I got here.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26You know what I mean, as an Aussie in London
0:02:26 > 0:02:28they just look at you and it's, "when are you leaving?"
0:02:28 > 0:02:32Anywhere else like Germany, "How long do you intend to stay?"
0:02:32 > 0:02:34In Ireland, the guy looked at my passport and went,
0:02:34 > 0:02:36"How long are you staying with us?"
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Ah!
0:02:38 > 0:02:41I thought I was going to move in with him and his family.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44"Ah, sure, you can stay upstairs, I'll get you some pillows,
0:02:44 > 0:02:46"breakfast is at nine."
0:02:46 > 0:02:47Let's kick on with the show.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50The first round is called Wish They Were One Of Us.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Each team has to nominate someone famous from anywhere in the world
0:02:53 > 0:02:56who they think deserves to be given an honorary Northern Irish status.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Who do you guys think the people of Northern Ireland should
0:02:59 > 0:03:01claim as one of their own? Barry, I'm going to start with you.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Who do you think should be Northern Irish?
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Being a pugilist, it has to be Muhammad Ali.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Yeah, he would have made a big impression here.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12When he fought over here in the 1970s, he boxed a guy in Croke Park
0:03:12 > 0:03:17called Al "Blue" Lewis and Blue Lewis wasn't the sharpest tool in the box.
0:03:17 > 0:03:22He was taking the taxi into town and there were big billboards
0:03:22 > 0:03:27on the side of the road, saying Al "Blue" Lewis fights Cassius Clay,
0:03:27 > 0:03:29A.K.A. Muhammad Ali.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32He gets in and he rings his manager and says,
0:03:32 > 0:03:35"There's something wrong here. They have me fighting two people."
0:03:35 > 0:03:37LAUGHTER
0:03:37 > 0:03:41I swear to God. That was the truth.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Andrew, who do you want to throw up?
0:03:43 > 0:03:46I think and he's just passed away, the first man on the moon,
0:03:46 > 0:03:50- Neil Armstrong. He should have been from Northern Ireland.- Why is that?
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Well, I just like hearing people say the word "moon".
0:03:53 > 0:03:55LAUGHTER
0:03:58 > 0:04:02- NORTHERN IRISH ACCENT:- "One giant step for mankind. I'm on the moon."
0:04:02 > 0:04:05"Where have you been?" "I've been to the moon and back."
0:04:05 > 0:04:08"Aye, haven't we all, son, haven't we all? Haven't we all."
0:04:08 > 0:04:12He wouldn't have put the flag up, he would have painted a mural.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13LAUGHTER
0:04:13 > 0:04:16He would have really slowly built a bonfire first.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18LAUGHTER
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Like Tetris, trying to get all those pallets on top of it
0:04:21 > 0:04:23before the other one floats away.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27Could turn the stick in them in too.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28LAUGHTER
0:04:30 > 0:04:32This is actually Neil Armstrong
0:04:32 > 0:04:36after he completed that famous mission to the moon.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Will you see the Ulster ginger knackered head on him?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42LAUGHTER
0:04:42 > 0:04:44That is definitely from Omagh!
0:04:44 > 0:04:46LAUGHTER
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Jimeoin, who would you like to add as being Northern Irish?
0:04:48 > 0:04:51I'd like to see William I Am from Black Eyed Peas.
0:04:51 > 0:04:55LAUGHTER
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Just so you can hear him say, "I'm William I am, so I am."
0:04:57 > 0:04:59LAUGHTER
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Jane, who would you like to nominate as being Northern Irish?
0:05:02 > 0:05:06Um, I'd go for Will Ferrell, for his sense of humour, really.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10I think he's completely daft and a lot of people in this country
0:05:10 > 0:05:14get it because he's not afraid to be daft and just act rare most of the time.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18And, um, also, he's got like normal teeth.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21And I think they look a bit Northern Irish and crooked and sort of...
0:05:21 > 0:05:24He doesn't have proper Northern Irish teeth either
0:05:24 > 0:05:26cos his teeth are all the same colour.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29When I fought back in the Ulster Hall in the early '80s,
0:05:29 > 0:05:31there used to be these lasses getting into the ring
0:05:31 > 0:05:34and the crowd said something to her and she smiled.
0:05:34 > 0:05:39And they said, "You've got a smile on you like a bag of chips."
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Michael, who would you like to nominate as being Northern Irish?
0:05:41 > 0:05:47Eh, Sigmund Freud! He'd get a lot of work to begin with.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51He'd never be out of work. And if he had a shop, right?
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Like, Sigmund Freud's shop!
0:05:54 > 0:05:56It would be brilliant - right next door to a funeral parlour.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59He'd make a killing, wouldn't he?
0:05:59 > 0:06:03But a Belfast Sigmund Freud, all he would have to just look at you and go, "Ah, your ma."
0:06:03 > 0:06:06LAUGHTER
0:06:06 > 0:06:09At the end of the round, I'm going to give the points to Andrew's team.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Our next round goes by the name of Town Challenge.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20Quite simply we give our panellists some clues to a less well-known town and challenge them to name it.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Jimeoin's team, you're up first. Here is your first fact.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Global superstars like Bruce Springsteen, Van Morrison
0:06:26 > 0:06:30and Jim Corr have had guitars made for them in this town.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33What? Sorry, I was having a game of noughts and crosses with Barry!
0:06:33 > 0:06:35LAUGHTER It's your go.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38I just want to beat him. I just want to beat him at something.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41- Any more clues? - Yes, there are more clues.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44In 1999, an author originally from this town
0:06:44 > 0:06:46wrote the award-winning book, 48 Shades of Brown.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50LAUGHTER
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Not as erotic!
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Why are there only 48 shades of brown?
0:06:56 > 0:06:59- Well, how many shades of brown do you want?!- Grey got 50!
0:06:59 > 0:07:02It turns out 48 Shades of Brown is in fact a children's book.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06Is it a potty training children's book?!
0:07:06 > 0:07:11Your final fact - this town is home to a festival of speed
0:07:11 > 0:07:14and there used to be an annual event which happened in the sky.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17- I was going to say Ballycastle.- Why? - I don't know.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21LAUGHTER
0:07:21 > 0:07:24The voices told me to do it.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Do you know what, I've been to Ballycastle.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29I have distinct memories of being in Ballycastle with friends on tour
0:07:29 > 0:07:33and ordering steak and chips, and the waitress went, "Do you want potatoes with that?"
0:07:33 > 0:07:35LAUGHTER
0:07:35 > 0:07:39I remember going, "It depends on what your definition of chips is."
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Did you get a mouthful of yellow man?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:07:47 > 0:07:51- What's a mouthful of yellow man? - Yellow man's a honeycomb-type sweet.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54It's, eh, it's famous from Ballycastle.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57- We could be making this up. - You could be making all of this up.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59I may, the next time I'm in Ballycastle, just go,
0:07:59 > 0:08:02"Hi, can I have a mouthful of yellow man, please?"
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Jimeoin's team, do you know what town we're talking about?
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- Is it Portadown? - It is not Portadown.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- Ballycastle. - It is not Ballycastle.- Portrush. - It is neither of those.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14- I will let the other team have a go. - It's Newtownards!- Newtownards!
0:08:14 > 0:08:21Oh my goodness, yes! Newtownards is the town we were looking for!
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Newtownards is the town. I'm not saying Newtownards is quiet,
0:08:24 > 0:08:28but I did a bit of research and I went online to check out what's going on in Newtownards.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32And there was a big thing that said, 'What's on around Newtownards'.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35And underneath that there were two words: "No events".
0:08:35 > 0:08:38LAUGHTER
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Andrew, we'll on to your town. Here are your facts.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Fans of this town's oldest football club are called
0:08:44 > 0:08:47the Blue Moon Smurfs.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Right.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53Are you allowed to ask the audience or phone a friend or anything?
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Here's your next fact.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58This town has the longest and widest street in Northern Ireland.
0:08:58 > 0:09:02THEY MURMUR
0:09:02 > 0:09:05- OK, go on, we want another clue anyway.- OK, here's your final fact.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09George Best was a fan of one of this town's most famous products.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13- Oh, we know what it is! - Yeah?- Booze.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15LAUGHTER
0:09:15 > 0:09:19- Boozetown! - You have a town here called Booze?!
0:09:19 > 0:09:21- No, no, I think we do actually know. - Bushmills?
0:09:21 > 0:09:25- Bushmills? No?- Cookstown.- Cookstown.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28It is indeed Cookstown.
0:09:28 > 0:09:34APPLAUSE
0:09:34 > 0:09:37For an extra point, can anyone give me a new tourist slogan for Cookstown?
0:09:37 > 0:09:40'Cookstown - everything is really wide!'
0:09:40 > 0:09:43'Cookstown - you can throw your sausage up our main street!'
0:09:43 > 0:09:47LAUGHTER
0:09:47 > 0:09:49All right, that round goes to Andrew's team.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:52 > 0:09:55This round asks if there's anything from this green land that doesn't exist any more
0:09:55 > 0:09:57that our teams would like to bring back.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Jimeoin, what would you like to bring back to Northern Ireland?
0:10:00 > 0:10:04I'd like to see those old phones. You know the ones you dialled with your...
0:10:04 > 0:10:09and your mum had a lock on it, you had to ask for the key?
0:10:09 > 0:10:13Phoning overseas took for ever. It was two O's.
0:10:13 > 0:10:18And because you knew there was two O's, you always left your finger in and got a free ride on the first O.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21LAUGHTER
0:10:22 > 0:10:26Wasn't it extraordinary that the emergency number was 999,
0:10:26 > 0:10:29when it was the second longest number you could possibly ring?
0:10:29 > 0:10:33- My ma had a phone voice. Did your ma have a phone voice?- Oh, yes.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35"I'll slap the lug of ye, ye cheeky wee shite!"
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Then the phone would go, "Hello, Hollywood 4671?"
0:10:38 > 0:10:41I remember when I was growing up at home, if ever we were on the phone,
0:10:41 > 0:10:45my mum would be in the background doing that "get off the phone" dance.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Just like...
0:10:47 > 0:10:51LAUGHTER
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Any time we were on the phone in our house,
0:10:54 > 0:10:55my mum turned into Mick Jagger.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59LAUGHTER
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Barry, what would you like to bring back?
0:11:08 > 0:11:12I'd like them to bring back the phrase, "Stickin' out".
0:11:12 > 0:11:16Right, and I'll tell you why. In 1986, I was in the Algarve.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Myself and my brother-in-law were walking around the swimming pool.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23There's this guy swimming, in a Stetson hat on.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27And he looks over, "What about ye, Barry?"
0:11:27 > 0:11:30And I said, "All right mate, how are you?"
0:11:30 > 0:11:33"Yeah, so what's..." To make conversation I says,
0:11:33 > 0:11:36"What's it like around here?" He goes, "Stickin' out!"
0:11:36 > 0:11:40And I looked at Martin and says, "What does that mean?"
0:11:40 > 0:11:42- I've never heard it before. - What does it mean?
0:11:42 > 0:11:44- It means good.- Super duper. - Really good.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48So if you say, "What's the movie like?" "Oh, stickin' out."
0:11:48 > 0:11:51It has to come with a wee nod and a wee slight wink as well.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53"Aye, stickin' out."
0:11:53 > 0:11:58You don't just go, "Stickin' out", you go, "Stickin' out".
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Jane, what would you like to bring back?
0:12:01 > 0:12:04I don't think kids are allowed to play it any more. I don't know if they do or not.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08But when we were in P1 to P3, we used to play kiss catch.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12And basically, well it was mostly the girls who would chase the boys
0:12:12 > 0:12:16in the playground, instead of like playing tig or whatever, you'd just kiss them.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19- Yes, Micky?- I would also like to bring that back!
0:12:19 > 0:12:22LAUGHTER
0:12:22 > 0:12:24I'll run, you...!
0:12:24 > 0:12:27He's got a terrible limp at the moment as well.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Stickin' out!
0:12:30 > 0:12:32LAUGHTER
0:12:32 > 0:12:38- Yeah, but normally the boys didn't really chase after the girls.- Fools!
0:12:38 > 0:12:41They wouldn't have been chasing after me anywhere, I tell you.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43I looked really rare when I was wee.
0:12:43 > 0:12:48- Red hair?- No, I just had a stupid fringe and like big Deirdre glasses from the NHS.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52- You know, Deirdre out of Coronation Street?- I think we've got a photo.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55LAUGHTER
0:12:55 > 0:13:01- Yeah, if you... Changed your mind now about that wee game, did you?! - Yeah, never mind - sorry!
0:13:01 > 0:13:05- Michael, what would you like to bring back?- Hedge porn.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07LAUGHTER
0:13:07 > 0:13:12- What's hedge porn?- Hedge porn. When I was a youngster growing up,
0:13:12 > 0:13:16the only way that you could see, unless you looked through slightly frosted windows,
0:13:16 > 0:13:22a naked woman was on porn magazines. And you couldn't go and buy them.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25None of the shops had them in the area either where I grew up.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27But they would always find them in hedges.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30LAUGHTER
0:13:30 > 0:13:34That's how I got, I became first sexually aware.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37So my first girlfriend, I just rolled her up and stuck in a hedge!
0:13:37 > 0:13:40LAUGHTER
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Micky, what would you like to bring back?
0:13:44 > 0:13:46I would really like to bring back like old pranks,
0:13:46 > 0:13:49like proper good Northern Irish pranks we used to do.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Did you ever stand at the side of the road when cars are coming past
0:13:51 > 0:13:55with your mate the other side of the street pretending to hold a rope?
0:13:55 > 0:13:58LAUGHTER
0:13:58 > 0:14:06- Brilliant.- Just fun.- Just fun. - You and your mates pretending to prime a device.- Yeah!
0:14:06 > 0:14:09- I always loved - do you remember "Tell your Ma, saved your life", did you ever do that?- Oh, yeah.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13You were walking down the street with someone and you pretend to push your mate into the road
0:14:13 > 0:14:16then pull them back and go, "Oh, tell your man, saved your life!"
0:14:16 > 0:14:18LAUGHTER
0:14:18 > 0:14:23Did you ever get it wrong? "Tell your Ma..."
0:14:23 > 0:14:27"Oh, I'm going to have to tell your Ma."
0:14:27 > 0:14:30My favourite pranks were always done on my wee sister.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34She was afraid of the dark. So what I used to do was go upstairs on the landing,
0:14:34 > 0:14:38take the light bulb out, and then lie along the skirting board.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Just lie along the skirting board. She'd come up and go,
0:14:41 > 0:14:45"I know you're up here, you're not scaring me tonight. I know you're here somewhere.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47"I'm going to the toilet, don't you come anywhere near me.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51And as she went past I'd grab by the ankle and she'd do a big fart and fall on the ground.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54LAUGHTER
0:14:54 > 0:14:59And I used to hide in her bedroom. So one night she came in, I remember it, I'll never forget it.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02She was like that, "Right, I'm just going to check under the bed."
0:15:02 > 0:15:05She made it into a wee song. "Checking under the bed now.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07"Just going to check in the built-in wardrobe."
0:15:07 > 0:15:10"Check the built-in wardrobe." I wasn't there.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13She went to close the curtains, I jumped out from behind the curtains.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17Heart attack. I think that's what stunted her growth, to be fair.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21She could have been tall and willowy.
0:15:21 > 0:15:22All right, at the end of that round,
0:15:22 > 0:15:24I'm giving the points to Jimeoin's team.
0:15:24 > 0:15:25APPLAUSE
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Right, it's time now to meet tonight's mystery Monumental guest.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32We don't know what they did
0:15:32 > 0:15:34but we know it was monumental or they wouldn't be here.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37They have achieved something great but can the panels guess what it is?
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Would you please welcome Allister?
0:15:40 > 0:15:42APPLAUSE
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Right, everyone, we are in the presence of a man who has
0:15:48 > 0:15:52broken a world record twice but what was it? I will give you a clue.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55This is a headline from the world record.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58Aching arms, limbs and hallucinations
0:15:58 > 0:16:01but Allister sets a record.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03- Press ups.- No.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Did you find porn in a hedge?
0:16:05 > 0:16:07LAUGHTER
0:16:07 > 0:16:10- You held your hands out the longest.- No.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Will you give us your next clue, please?
0:16:13 > 0:16:16It was essential that my grip was not too tight.
0:16:16 > 0:16:17You were holding on to something.
0:16:17 > 0:16:18I was.
0:16:20 > 0:16:21Barry's all over it here.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Keep that in mind. Here is your final clue.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Because the record took over 102 hours to break,
0:16:26 > 0:16:28he get some of it in his sleep.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31- Holding a brush above your head.- No.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33What is it about holding?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36He gripped it. So it's about bloody grip.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Shut up, Andrew, or I'll go over and smack you.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39LAUGHTER
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Oh, I'm going to die.
0:16:48 > 0:16:49The thing that you're working with,
0:16:49 > 0:16:53was it alive or was it like a stick or something?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55- Yes.- It was a stick?- Yes.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57- Are you a band... - HE WHISTLES
0:16:58 > 0:17:02- Was it just one stick? - There was two sticks.- Drumming.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Yes, Michael Smiley.
0:17:04 > 0:17:05APPLAUSE
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Allister Brown has twice held the world record
0:17:09 > 0:17:11for continuous drumming.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15He drummed for 102 hours and 49 minutes.
0:17:15 > 0:17:16APPLAUSE
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Listen, we couldn't bring you on Monumental and not hear you drum
0:17:20 > 0:17:24so could you please have a seat for us and give us a demonstration?
0:17:38 > 0:17:39Yeah!
0:17:39 > 0:17:40APPLAUSE
0:17:43 > 0:17:46Andrew's team lost that round so as a penalty,
0:17:46 > 0:17:48I want a one-liner from each of you, if you can.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Get ready with a drum shot.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52A crab walks into a bar, the barman goes, "You're barred."
0:17:52 > 0:17:55He goes, "Why?" "Cos you were in here last night giving it all that."
0:17:55 > 0:17:56DRUM STING
0:17:56 > 0:17:58What is Mr T's favourite yoghurt?
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Petit Filous!
0:18:00 > 0:18:01DRUM STING
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Jayne, have you got anything?
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Oh, no, if I told a joke, you'd be like, "Boom-tsh, nah."
0:18:07 > 0:18:08DRUM STING Nah!
0:18:08 > 0:18:10- I have one.- Go.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13What did St Patrick say when he was driving the snakes out of Ireland?
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Are you all right in the back there, lads?
0:18:15 > 0:18:16DRUM STING
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Two aerials on a roof fell in love and got married.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21The wedding wasn't great but the reception was fantastic.
0:18:21 > 0:18:22DRUM STING
0:18:22 > 0:18:25I've got a couple of limericks for you.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28There was a young man... Oh, I'm not going to tell you that one.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29It's very good though.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31There was a young man from Macarthur
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Who was a magnificent farter
0:18:33 > 0:18:35On the strength of one bean
0:18:35 > 0:18:36He'd fart God Save The Queen
0:18:36 > 0:18:38And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
0:18:38 > 0:18:39DRUM STING
0:18:39 > 0:18:41How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
0:18:41 > 0:18:45None. They've got a machine that can do that now.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47AUDIENCE: Oh!
0:18:48 > 0:18:51How many Northern Irish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
0:18:51 > 0:18:54Don't worry about me, I'll be all right in the dark.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55DRUM STING
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Did you hear about the gay shark? The gay shark went,
0:18:57 > 0:18:58# Da-dum
0:18:58 > 0:18:59# Da-dum
0:18:59 > 0:19:01# Da, da-da, da, da-da-da. #
0:19:01 > 0:19:03DRUM STING
0:19:03 > 0:19:04Guy goes to the doctor's, says,
0:19:04 > 0:19:07"Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a Jelly Baby."
0:19:07 > 0:19:09And the doctor ate the face off him.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10DRUM STING
0:19:12 > 0:19:15A wee fellow comes home from school and he says,
0:19:15 > 0:19:17"Dad, you want to see our new maths teacher.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20"She's like that, there." He says, "What? Big tits?"
0:19:20 > 0:19:21"No," he says, "Arthritis."
0:19:21 > 0:19:22DRUM STING
0:19:25 > 0:19:29Ladies and gentlemen, our Monumental mystery guest, Allister Brown.
0:19:29 > 0:19:30APPLAUSE
0:19:34 > 0:19:36All right, this next round is all about monumental
0:19:36 > 0:19:39and not so monumental moments in your history.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Lucky for us, they were all reported in one local paper or another.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Here's the headlines but what are the stories?
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Headline number one.
0:19:46 > 0:19:47BUZZER
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Is it Jonathan Ross getting arrested?
0:19:51 > 0:19:54That was a local terrier employed as a guard dog gets
0:19:54 > 0:19:56laid off as a jewellery shop closes.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59You know, that monumental moment in Irish history.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Here's your next headline.
0:20:02 > 0:20:03BUZZER
0:20:03 > 0:20:05- Yes, Andrew. - It's about Barry McGuigan.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08It is indeed about Barry McGuigan.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10- Barry didn't even get that one. - I didn't even get one.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13Can't remember anything about his own life but, my Jesus,
0:20:13 > 0:20:15he knows a dirty poem.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18It was when you became world featherweight champion.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20- That was the year I won the world title, yeah.- Yeah.
0:20:20 > 0:20:21Next headline.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25How can a dawdler be a menace to start with?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27They're just going really slow.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Where would that be really annoying?
0:20:29 > 0:20:30- BUZZER - Michael.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32- Country lanes.- Yes. Well done.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35It was Sunday drivers in Ulster create difficult driving
0:20:35 > 0:20:36conditions by driving too slow.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Probably would have been the Austin A40.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Had to probably double clutch it and stuff like that.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Slow down to look at a couple of hedgerows.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46- And there's you.- And there's you.
0:20:49 > 0:20:50Next headline.
0:20:52 > 0:20:53BUZZER
0:20:53 > 0:20:54- Jimeoin.- No idea.
0:20:54 > 0:20:55LAUGHTER
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Space Invaders. Maybe. Is it?
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Yes. Weirdly, it actually was.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Police in Dungannon suspect the Space Invaders craze
0:21:06 > 0:21:07is to blame for a spate of robberies.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10It's just loads of blokes doing that.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12LAUGHTER
0:21:12 > 0:21:15At the end of that round, points to Jimeoin's team.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16APPLAUSE
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Ladies and gentlemen, the panellist getting Monumental status
0:21:21 > 0:21:23this evening is widely regarded
0:21:23 > 0:21:25as the greatest boxer Ireland ever produced.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29He's a superstar and absolutely everybody knows his name.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Mr Barry McCochrane.
0:21:31 > 0:21:32LAUGHTER
0:21:37 > 0:21:38APPLAUSE
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Ladies and gentlemen, Barry McCochrane.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52I remember, actually, the funniest thing of all was
0:21:52 > 0:21:56when I went on the Sports Personality Of The Year,
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Sir Stanley Rous was the guy that got my name wrong.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02And Bruno was sitting, as you could see, beside me
0:22:02 > 0:22:04and he had this big booming laugh, right?
0:22:04 > 0:22:06So your man got up and he said,
0:22:06 > 0:22:10POSH ACCENT: "And the winner is Mr Barry McCochrane."
0:22:10 > 0:22:14And Bruno started, "Oh-ho! Oh-ho, ho, ho! Oh-ho!"
0:22:14 > 0:22:17And everybody in the bloody audience started laughing.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20I had this prepared speech in my head and when I got down there
0:22:20 > 0:22:23I had forgotten everything.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25On the eighth of June 1985 you achieved your dream
0:22:25 > 0:22:28and 20 million people watched you do this.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36- COMMENTATOR:- McGuigan's work has not been so effective in this round.
0:22:36 > 0:22:37He hasn't found the range.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Yes, he did. He's gone in with a right.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Boom.
0:22:41 > 0:22:42APPLAUSE
0:22:48 > 0:22:51What is it like watching that back and hearing that sentence,
0:22:51 > 0:22:52"He hasn't found the range?"
0:22:52 > 0:22:55He hasn't found it, he hasn't found it, oh, yes, he has,
0:22:55 > 0:22:57he's come in with a right!
0:22:57 > 0:23:00I was at Loftus Road whenever you won that fight.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03We didn't have radio commentary so we had our own. It was
0:23:03 > 0:23:05a whole load of boys from Northern Ireland.
0:23:05 > 0:23:06When you put him on the ground,
0:23:06 > 0:23:09a friend of mine, he was standing beside me, all I heard was,
0:23:09 > 0:23:10"Put him on his hoop, Barry!"
0:23:10 > 0:23:12LAUGHTER
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Something very special happened before that fight.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Something stirring.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Something that gave you an extra advantage that no-one will forget.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Let's have a look.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25- COMMENTATOR:- And a midget, an Irish midget,
0:23:25 > 0:23:28bounces about the ring as McGuigan is announced.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30LAUGHTER
0:23:32 > 0:23:33APPLAUSE
0:23:35 > 0:23:37There's a story behind that, obviously.
0:23:37 > 0:23:43What actually happened was my ex-manager had seen a similar
0:23:43 > 0:23:46situation with a guy called Sean O'Grady who was
0:23:46 > 0:23:49a fellow from Oklahoma of Irish descent
0:23:49 > 0:23:54and he had this little dwarf in doing a spin and throwing dust
0:23:54 > 0:23:59and we thought it would spook the Panamanian champion who was
0:23:59 > 0:24:00making his 20th defence
0:24:00 > 0:24:04and he just looked at this little guy going round
0:24:04 > 0:24:06and he laughed, you know.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09I love the commentator going, "And there is a midget!"
0:24:09 > 0:24:14It's like, "He's escaped! He's amongst us! Somebody get him!"
0:24:15 > 0:24:17You started taking titles very young,
0:24:17 > 0:24:21winning Commonwealth gold for Northern Ireland when you were 17.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24We actually found a clip of Barry in the airport in Canada,
0:24:24 > 0:24:28so young he hadn't even grown the classic McGuigan moustache.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- COMMENTARY:- Little did we know that the fresh-faced teenager proudly
0:24:31 > 0:24:34showing off his gold medal would go on to be one of the truly
0:24:34 > 0:24:36great boxers of his day.
0:24:36 > 0:24:37APPLAUSE
0:24:39 > 0:24:42Now, your success and popularity also allowed you to pioneer
0:24:42 > 0:24:43a new kind of fitness video.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45This is amazing.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48You teamed up with Britain's favourite Page Three stunner
0:24:48 > 0:24:52Samantha Fox and released Fighting Fit.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Here is a clip of it.
0:24:54 > 0:24:55- Good to see you, Sam.- Hiya.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Tell me, Samantha, what do you want from a training programme?
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Basically, I'd like something different, effective
0:25:01 > 0:25:02and fun to do at the same time.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05- With Fighting Fit, that's what you're going to get.- So are we ready then?
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Hold on a minute. There's only one way to do this
0:25:07 > 0:25:09and that's the right way.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Looking after your figure and keeping the weight down is something
0:25:12 > 0:25:15I know about from all my years of modelling and being on the stage
0:25:15 > 0:25:18as a singer. It's really all about energy balance.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Energy in is food and energy out is exercise.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25- So, are we ready to go now then? - You bet.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26APPLAUSE
0:25:28 > 0:25:29That's brilliant.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33The look on your face. It's like you look like Dougal McGuire,
0:25:33 > 0:25:35just like that.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39No, you also tried your hand at a talk-show host.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Ali or Sugar Ray never got that.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43We loved your opening titles.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01LAUGHTER
0:26:06 > 0:26:07Hello, folks.
0:26:07 > 0:26:08APPLAUSE
0:26:11 > 0:26:14I'm with you, Barry, there's not enough of that.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16The only reason I'm laughing is cos I had such lovely hair.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Look, it's all gone. Where did it all go?
0:26:19 > 0:26:22It love to see more of that on chat shows. Just...
0:26:23 > 0:26:24Forget it.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27There is a great quote from Bono on the cover of your autobiography.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30It says, "At a dark hour in Ireland, Barry McGuigan shone
0:26:30 > 0:26:33"a light towards peace. Barry's not only a champion, he's a hero."
0:26:33 > 0:26:37I think this footage proves what you mean to people here.
0:26:37 > 0:26:38This was your homecoming.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42- Can you talk us through how it felt that day?- Yeah, it was amazing.
0:26:42 > 0:26:47I went on Royal Avenue and there was about 75,000 people there.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50I'll never forget it till the day I die. It was amazing.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52A couple of days later, I went down to Dublin
0:26:52 > 0:26:56and there was about 200,000 people going down O'Connell Street.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59It took me an hour and a half to go from O'Connell Street to
0:26:59 > 0:27:01the Mansion House so it was very special
0:27:01 > 0:27:07and what it meant to them, I knew it meant something special to them.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09It made me feel pretty good.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11Barry, you are truly monumental.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13You'll always be a hero to the people of this island and beyond
0:27:13 > 0:27:16but we'll leave it out to another big hitter and a super fan of yours
0:27:16 > 0:27:17for the last word.
0:27:17 > 0:27:21Hiya, Barry. Congratulations on receiving this Monumental status.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23It really could not happen to a nicer guy.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25I've studied your career for many years.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Remember that left hook to the body? I've nearly got it right now.
0:27:28 > 0:27:29You've done Irish boxing
0:27:29 > 0:27:32very, very proud and I hope you really, really enjoy your evening
0:27:32 > 0:27:34and I look forward to seeing you soon, my friend.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36APPLAUSE
0:27:42 > 0:27:46Barry McGuigan, you are Monumental.
0:27:46 > 0:27:47CHEERING
0:27:51 > 0:27:56CHANTING: Barry! Barry! Barry! Barry! Barry! Barry!
0:27:58 > 0:28:01At the end of the show, the scores are in and, you know what, you were
0:28:01 > 0:28:04in front before the final round but that absolutely sealed it -
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Jimeoin's team have won the show tonight.
0:28:06 > 0:28:07APPLAUSE
0:28:09 > 0:28:14It is thanks to Jimeoin and Michael Smiley,
0:28:14 > 0:28:17Andrew Maxwell, Micky Bartlett and Jayne Wisener
0:28:17 > 0:28:19and the monumental Barry McGuigan.
0:28:19 > 0:28:20APPLAUSE
0:28:22 > 0:28:25I've been Adam Hills and you lovely people of Northern Ireland
0:28:25 > 0:28:27have been truly monumental. Good night.
0:28:31 > 0:28:34Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd