0:00:01 > 0:00:04This programme contains adult humour.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20APPLAUSE
0:00:28 > 0:00:32On the show tonight, it's Andrew Maxwell.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Micky Bartlett, and the voice of the X Factor, Peter Dickson.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Up against them, it's Jimeoin, Michael Smiley
0:00:40 > 0:00:43and our Monumental Guest, Christine Bleakley.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48And here's your host, Jarred Christmas.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Hello, and welcome to Monumental.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53The show from Northern Ireland hosted by a Kiwi.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56I'm Jarred Christmas and I'll be your host for the evening and I know
0:00:56 > 0:00:59about as much about Northern Ireland as you do about New Zealand.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Something I like to do when I travel around is study the accents.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07I'm not very good at accents, but I can certainly tell
0:01:07 > 0:01:10the difference between a New Zealand and an Australian accent.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14And the main difference is the New Zealand accent is sexy.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Most of the time I hear the full-on Northern Irish accent,
0:01:18 > 0:01:20I can't figure out what you're saying.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Your words are like a Rubik's Cube in my mind
0:01:23 > 0:01:25that I'm struggling to solve.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29So the technique I use is I wait quietly until there's a gap and say,
0:01:29 > 0:01:34"Um, yeah." And that's how I ended up buying a caravan in Larne.
0:01:37 > 0:01:41And to speak Northern Irish is to speak a bit like a pirate,
0:01:41 > 0:01:42but only on the Rs.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46Luckily, I love speaking like a pirate, so I love your accents.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Can I have a pint of HaRp?
0:01:50 > 0:01:52You've got to make sure it's an old-school pirate,
0:01:52 > 0:01:54not a Somali pirate.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58- COMEDY SOMALI ACCENT:- I want a pint of Harp and a million dollars.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59That gets awkward.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04I can pretty much say only one thing in Northern Irish...
0:02:04 > 0:02:08- Go on!- ..which is Northern Ireland, but I have to pull a face for it.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09I have to go...
0:02:09 > 0:02:12- NORTHERN IRISH ACCENT: - Northern Ireland.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13That's good.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19- Peter, you don't sound Northern Irish?- I am.
0:02:19 > 0:02:20Born and bred in Belfast.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24NORTHERN IRISH ACCENT: I can turn it back on again for you.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26No problem.
0:02:26 > 0:02:31Ladies and gentlemen, it's... NORTHERN IRISH ACCENT: ..time, like, to face the music.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Christine, did you find you had to change your accent
0:02:37 > 0:02:39when you moved over?
0:02:39 > 0:02:42I had to say the odd word, like "film" and stuff like that.
0:02:42 > 0:02:43People just did not know what I meant.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46"Fil-lum?" - as in that's somewhere in London.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49They didn't understand that at all.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53- Movie.- But then I said, "Hold on - that's just the way I say it."
0:02:53 > 0:02:57The word film is kind of one syllable but you guys just chuck an extra one in.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Just for the fun of it.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02- It's all right. - I have to mime shower.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Sometimes I do different mimes to confuse them.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Shower.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07I'll try that.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11All right, we better get on with the show.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14We call this round Wish They Were One Of Us.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Each team has to nominate an international celebrity
0:03:17 > 0:03:20that they think deserves honorary Northern Irish status.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Jimeoin, let's start with you? Who would you like to be Northern Irish?
0:03:23 > 0:03:24The Pope.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:29 > 0:03:32The Pope because he's got a cracking sovereign ring.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36He drives around in a bulletproof car.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39And he's called Frankie, but that's not his real name.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:45 > 0:03:48It would be great if he drove around in the Popemobile and the hand
0:03:48 > 0:03:52of God came down, picked it up and shook it and it was like a snow-dome.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57I love the idea that he thinks he's getting into a car
0:03:57 > 0:04:01that's really groovy, it's glass, it's bulletproof, but he has to stand up in it.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05He tries to sell it second-hand and he has to tell them it's a bit of a pig round corners.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Remember the last Pope Benedict?
0:04:09 > 0:04:12There was controversy about him being in the Hitler Youth.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14That sort of stuff. If he was Northern Irish
0:04:14 > 0:04:17when he got ordained it would have been cracking because he would
0:04:17 > 0:04:20have walked out of the Vatican and went, "I'm only joking."
0:04:20 > 0:04:22LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:23 > 0:04:27OK, Andrew, who would you make Northern Irish?
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Mark Zuckerburg could be from around here.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34Cos he's loaded but he still insists on dressing in hoodies like a scumbag.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Ah, Facebook, what have we done?
0:04:38 > 0:04:40If your government came to you and went,
0:04:40 > 0:04:42"We want to know everything about you.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46"And none of this once every ten years crap fill in a boring long form.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50"Every day, every hour, who are your friends? Who are your connections?
0:04:50 > 0:04:53"What do you like? What did you have for dinner?
0:04:53 > 0:04:55"Take a picture of your dinner and send it to me!"
0:05:02 > 0:05:04You'd tell your government to back off.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06But we've given that to Facebook for free,
0:05:06 > 0:05:09and all we got back was the vague possibility of becoming
0:05:09 > 0:05:12reacquainted with some bellend from our primary school.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Christine, who would you like to be Northern Irish?
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Angela Merkel, who as far as I'm concerned is running Germany,
0:05:20 > 0:05:23obviously, but she's a real ballsy woman.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26She holds all the purse strings and she bosses all
0:05:26 > 0:05:29the blokes around and says, "You'll sit down and be quiet.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31"There's £10 - go and buy yourself something nice."
0:05:31 > 0:05:33I quite like her for it.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36She'd fit in amongst the other women in Northern Ireland
0:05:36 > 0:05:38because that's exactly what we all have to do.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41We let you men think that you're in charge but we all know you're not.
0:05:43 > 0:05:44Is that right, ladies?
0:05:47 > 0:05:50In all fairness, a lot of Irish men owe her a lot of money.
0:05:52 > 0:05:53Merkel's got to be a Prod.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58You guys keep throwing out the word Prod.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02I just think that's poking someone, a prod.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04You've got a lot to learn.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07I have got a lot to learn.
0:06:07 > 0:06:12- OK, Peter, who do you want to make Northern Irish?- Rob Ford.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16Rob is or was the mayor of Toronto in Canada.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19First of all, he looks like a pig farmer from Draperstown.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23And he likes a bit of the old crack.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26He's not a fun-loving mayor - he actually smokes a crack pipe.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31He's by far the world's fattest crackhead.
0:06:31 > 0:06:32First time I saw him I thought,
0:06:32 > 0:06:34"There's got to be some sort of spelling mistake.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36"They mean cake."
0:06:40 > 0:06:44OK, Michael Smiley, who would you nominate to be Northern Irish?
0:06:44 > 0:06:45Clint Eastwood.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49Cos let's be honest, over here everybody knows a dirty Harry.
0:06:53 > 0:06:58How's Dirty Harry? Morning. You feeling lucky today? Back off.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Clint Eastwood could definitely fit in here.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03There's plenty of men of a certain age here who can be
0:07:03 > 0:07:07found in the afternoon, drunk, having an argument with an empty chair.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14- And, Micky, who do you want to make Northern Irish?- Super Mario.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19For a couple of reasons. Obviously, Super Mario is a plumber.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21And his brother is also a plumber.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24So that's two brothers who are plumbers with Italian names.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26That could be anyone on the Falls Road.
0:07:28 > 0:07:29Mario and Luigi Murphy, right?
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Also, in the game Super Mario, he used to encounter mushrooms
0:07:34 > 0:07:36and they would give him these special powers.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40My mate Dave is a plumber and we went on holiday to Holland.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42And Dave found a mushroom.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46And the similarities between those two things were fantastic.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Because when Mario thinks he's a giant, Dave kept doing this.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55We didn't know what he was doing until two or three days later
0:07:55 > 0:07:57and he told us he thought his finger was a metre long
0:07:57 > 0:08:01and that was him trying to hide his hand in his pocket like that.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:08:11 > 0:08:14So, I'm going to award that round to Andrew's team.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15Yes!
0:08:19 > 0:08:22This round is called Town Challenge.
0:08:22 > 0:08:28It's not about the big name glamour of Millisle or the razzle-dazzle of Lurgan.
0:08:28 > 0:08:33This is about the small places. Jimeoin, your team is up first.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35I'm going to give you a fact or a clue.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37All you have to do is guess the town.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Here we go, here's your first fact.
0:08:39 > 0:08:44This town's golf club claims to be the world's oldest clubhouse,
0:08:44 > 0:08:50which is apparently haunted by a Grey Lady and a snooker player.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51I don't know.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54What I want to know is why is there never a caveman ghost?
0:08:54 > 0:08:58People always go, "There was a headless horseman and a knight.
0:08:58 > 0:08:59"We can heap the clop.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02Or, "There's a White Lady and we can hear her crying for her babies
0:09:02 > 0:09:08"and she's in her robes." It's never, "Ugh. Fire!"
0:09:08 > 0:09:10I think the banshee was probably somebody who didn't want to
0:09:10 > 0:09:12get up and go to their crying baby.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15"The baby's crying again, you get up."
0:09:15 > 0:09:18"No, don't worry, that's the banshee."
0:09:19 > 0:09:23I'll give you a second fact. The town's delicacy is potted herring.
0:09:23 > 0:09:28The herrings are wrapped around onion, bay leaf and allspice
0:09:28 > 0:09:33with vinegar and water topped with breadcrumbs and then baked.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Mm. It's making my mouth dry up.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40It's a good job that Rob Ford isn't here,
0:09:40 > 0:09:43because potted herring sounds a little bit like pot and heroin.
0:09:46 > 0:09:51You'd be so disappointed thinking you're going around to somebody's house to get some pot and heroin.
0:09:51 > 0:09:56- Ah, potted herring. Oh, no. - Breadcrumbs.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59And your final fact is that Van Morrison wrote
0:09:59 > 0:10:02the following song about an island in the town.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06# Drove through Shrigley taking pictures, and on to Killyleagh
0:10:06 > 0:10:09# Stopping for Sunday papers at the Lecale District... #
0:10:10 > 0:10:13- Love that song!- Love it!- Do you like it, Christine?- One of my favourites!
0:10:13 > 0:10:16I like it when he says "I look at the side of your face."
0:10:16 > 0:10:20There's not that many songs sung in a Northern Irish accent, is there?
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Aye, there is! # Armoured cars and tanks and guns
0:10:23 > 0:10:25# Came to take away our sons
0:10:25 > 0:10:27# Every man must stand behind
0:10:27 > 0:10:29# The men behind the wire... #
0:10:29 > 0:10:32And it's beautiful song to make love to!
0:10:32 > 0:10:33LAUGHTER
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Keep at that pace...
0:10:38 > 0:10:43But Northern Irish songs couldn't be done in, like, a lounge style.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46CHEESILY: # Armoured cars and tanks and guns
0:10:46 > 0:10:48# Bup-bup-bup-bup
0:10:48 > 0:10:52# ..but every man will stand behind the men behind the wire, yeah! #
0:10:52 > 0:10:53# Ba-da-bup buh-de-bah
0:10:53 > 0:10:55LAUGHTER
0:10:55 > 0:10:57# We're up to our knees in Fenian blood
0:10:57 > 0:11:00# Surrender or you'll die
0:11:00 > 0:11:03# We are the Billy Billy Boys... #
0:11:03 > 0:11:06APPLAUSE
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Do you need a guess, or do you know what it is?
0:11:11 > 0:11:15I think, and I could be wrong, because you had another suggestion...
0:11:15 > 0:11:18- I'll go for a different one. - Oh, no, don't say that.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21- Then it's too much responsibility! - No, you go.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25Are you going to need a Finnish Prime Minister to negotiate here?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29We'll let Angela Merkel get it right.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36I think it's Ardglass. Christine thinks it's Ardglass.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38- You think it's Ardglass?- Yeah. - Well done!
0:11:38 > 0:11:40The answer was Ardglass in County Down.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43APPLAUSE
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Right, Andrew and your team,
0:11:45 > 0:11:48here's the first fact about your mystery town.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51This town area has the highest life expectancy
0:11:51 > 0:11:53of any area in Northern Ireland.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Well, that must be some place.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57High life expectancy. Right, OK.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59We can get rid of the Catholic towns.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01LAUGHTER
0:12:01 > 0:12:03- Do you want your next clue? - Yes, please.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04Er...yeah!
0:12:04 > 0:12:09This town is home to one of the most photographed natural phenomena
0:12:09 > 0:12:12in Northern Ireland - the Dark Hedges.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15- Oh, I know this, as well! - The Dark Hedges...!
0:12:15 > 0:12:17The Dark Hedges.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20And the Dark Hedges are the second most popular hedges in that town
0:12:20 > 0:12:22after Benson and?
0:12:23 > 0:12:26- In Antrim somewhere? - Aren't the Dark Hedges...hedges?
0:12:26 > 0:12:30Yes, it's this beautiful lane that has these trees that have grown over.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Oh, I know that. Yeah, yeah.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34It's a tunnel of trees.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37It sounds like someone from Ballymena saying "the Dark Ages".
0:12:37 > 0:12:39- MIMICS:- Dark 'Edges!
0:12:41 > 0:12:43And your final clue is that
0:12:43 > 0:12:46this town was granted a licence for fUSe FM,
0:12:46 > 0:12:51the First Ulster Scots radio station in Northern Ireland in 2013.
0:12:51 > 0:12:56Their DJs included Big Rab, Big Dog, Big Al and Willie.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58They don't have any Big Willies.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01- Ballymena. Let's say Ballymena. - Ballymena? No.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03What about you guys?
0:13:03 > 0:13:04Ballymoney.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Ballymoney it is!
0:13:06 > 0:13:07Well done.
0:13:09 > 0:13:10Well done.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Do you guys just put Bally in front of things you want -
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Ballymoney, Ballycastle...
0:13:15 > 0:13:18- Bally-clava? - LAUGHTER
0:13:18 > 0:13:20APPLAUSE
0:13:22 > 0:13:24When you get the Bally-clava you get the Ballymoney!
0:13:24 > 0:13:26LAUGHTER
0:13:26 > 0:13:27CHRISTINE CACKLES
0:13:27 > 0:13:29LAUGHTER REDOUBLES
0:13:29 > 0:13:32I am going to award that round to Jimeoin's team!
0:13:37 > 0:13:40It's time to cast our minds back
0:13:40 > 0:13:42in a round called Monumentally Missed.
0:13:42 > 0:13:46Is there any Northern Irish that doesn't exist any more,
0:13:46 > 0:13:48which you would like to bring back?
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Let's start with you, Christine.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53Do you remember the bomber jackets?
0:13:53 > 0:13:57And they had a picture of your favourite music person on the back.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00I remember buying one in Newtownards market, years ago.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03And it was Kylie and Jason on the back,
0:14:03 > 0:14:05and I loved my little bomber jacket.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08And we all had little badges down here, because that was really cool.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11And I think we need to bring the bomber jacket back
0:14:11 > 0:14:13and pay tribute to the musicians that we love.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- They just don't do it any more. - I never knew they DID do it.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Did you have one?
0:14:17 > 0:14:20I had one with The Pope written across the back.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22We just had pencil cases,
0:14:22 > 0:14:25and wrote in felt tip the band that we liked.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29- We did that.- A mate of mine wrote on his pencil case, "I'm number one."
0:14:29 > 0:14:33But he abbreviated "number" to "n-o" so it looked like - I'm no-one.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39I love the idea that in Northern Ireland in the '80s
0:14:39 > 0:14:42that the bomber jacket was quite big.
0:14:42 > 0:14:43Yeah!
0:14:43 > 0:14:46And nobody got the irony of it whatsoever.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Does my bomb look big in this?
0:14:49 > 0:14:51LAUGHTER
0:14:51 > 0:14:54APPLAUSE
0:14:57 > 0:14:58Andrew, your turn.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Although I like a drink, I want to bring back
0:15:01 > 0:15:02when it was harder to get drink.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05It's just too damn easy these days.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Back in the day, all your boozing was in the pub, then you'd stumble home.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10But now it's drinking wine indoors.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12It creeps up on you!
0:15:12 > 0:15:13At the end of the week,
0:15:13 > 0:15:16you're looking into that recycling box in your front garden
0:15:16 > 0:15:21just thinking, "Oh-ho-ho, I have got to stop drinking or stop recycling!"
0:15:21 > 0:15:23LAUGHTER
0:15:23 > 0:15:28In the Republic you cannot buy booze anywhere on Good Friday,
0:15:28 > 0:15:30except on the trains.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33I'm not joking you, half of Dublin gets on a train to Cork
0:15:33 > 0:15:36and back again.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Never travel by public transport on Good Friday,
0:15:39 > 0:15:42it's just full of people absolutely hammered.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44When you say "the Republic"
0:15:44 > 0:15:46I just think of Star Wars.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48There's plenty of pubs on the border
0:15:48 > 0:15:50that look like they're out of Star Wars!
0:15:50 > 0:15:53No, the other side of the border, the South, right?
0:15:53 > 0:15:55- The dark side. - "The dark side."
0:15:55 > 0:16:00We prefer to call it the no-smoking section.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Jimeoin, what would you like to bring back?
0:16:06 > 0:16:10Old photographs. Like the old films we used...the 24 and 36.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13I liked the whole fact that they were the sense of memories.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15You'd take them to the chemist,
0:16:15 > 0:16:17and there'd always be... You hadn't finished the film,
0:16:17 > 0:16:20and you'd have to take an extra couple of photographs to finish it.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24I ended up with a whole album of photographs that I'd taken
0:16:24 > 0:16:26to finish off the film.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30They're all of me with my arm around different chemists.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32LAUGHTER
0:16:39 > 0:16:42Do you remember Polaroid? Take a photo - trrrrrr...
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Then you waited for it to start... the Polaroid picture.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47But it meant that you could take the photographs
0:16:47 > 0:16:49you REALLY wanted to take.
0:16:52 > 0:16:57I came across my mate and his girlfriend's secret Polaroids stash -
0:16:57 > 0:17:02Man, it looked like a crime investigation, so it did!
0:17:02 > 0:17:05LAUGHTER
0:17:05 > 0:17:07- Oh!- Someone came up with an iPhone the other day
0:17:07 > 0:17:10to try to get a photograph, and they held it up,
0:17:10 > 0:17:13and I did my thing cos... You have big teeth, I don't have big teeth.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15And I was trying to get my teeth in,
0:17:15 > 0:17:16cos I look like I don't have teeth.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18So I'm doing this.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21And they're holding it and they just stood there for ages...
0:17:21 > 0:17:23and they had it on video mode.
0:17:23 > 0:17:27LAUGHTER
0:17:27 > 0:17:29We watched it back, and it was really tragic - just me...
0:17:29 > 0:17:32LAUGHTER
0:17:34 > 0:17:36You know when you try...
0:17:36 > 0:17:39Do you have a look that you do? A look that you...
0:17:39 > 0:17:41And you see the person getting the camera out
0:17:41 > 0:17:44and you go for your look too early, and you go...
0:17:44 > 0:17:47But they haven't... And you have to try and hold that.
0:17:47 > 0:17:48But you've gone too early.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52Like when you laugh at a joke, then you realise the joke is about you.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57LAUGHTER
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Peter, what would you like to bring back to Northern Ireland?
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Short phone numbers.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07My mother's was Dundonnell 351,
0:18:07 > 0:18:09my auntie lived in Holywood, she was 437,
0:18:09 > 0:18:13and I also miss the way people answered the phones back then.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16I used to enjoy the frisson of a phone ringing in the house
0:18:16 > 0:18:19- on a Sunday evening.- Who's that?! - My mother would say, just that!
0:18:19 > 0:18:21She'd go, "Who's that calling our house at this time
0:18:21 > 0:18:24"on a Sunday night?" And we'd look at each other and say,
0:18:24 > 0:18:26"I don't... I'm not... Are you expecting a phone call? No.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29"Are you expecting a phone call? I'm not expecting a phone call."
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Meanwhile, the phone's ringing and ringing,
0:18:31 > 0:18:33and I'm, "For God's sake, answer the bloody phone!"
0:18:33 > 0:18:37And I'd answer the phone and I'd go, "Dundonnell 351?"
0:18:38 > 0:18:40My dad only knew one phone number
0:18:40 > 0:18:43and it was the phone number for our local Chinese.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45But, you know sometimes when you order Chinese
0:18:45 > 0:18:48they ask you for your phone number, and once the girl said,
0:18:48 > 0:18:51"What's your number?" and he gave them their number back.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53LAUGHTER
0:18:53 > 0:18:57I'm going to give that round to Andrew Maxwell's team!
0:18:57 > 0:18:59APPLAUSE
0:19:02 > 0:19:03OK, let's move on.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06This round goes by the name of Mystery Monumental.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09"Mystery" because our teams have to identify
0:19:09 > 0:19:11an unsung hero of Northern Ireland,
0:19:11 > 0:19:14and Monumental because that's the name of the show.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Please welcome Jake and Corin King.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19APPLAUSE
0:19:25 > 0:19:28These two brothers are both world-beaters,
0:19:28 > 0:19:31but what did they beat the world at?
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Joyriding?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35OK, here's your first clue.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39Experts in this sport will have to master the back door,
0:19:39 > 0:19:42the floater, and the hot donkey.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46The hot donkey!
0:19:46 > 0:19:50Do you have to wear any kind of costume? Or any safety gear...?
0:19:50 > 0:19:53- You wear certain equipment. - A lot of equipment.
0:19:53 > 0:19:54- Is it climbing?- No.- No.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58Are you handcuffed when you're doing it, cos you look handcuffed now?
0:19:58 > 0:20:00LAUGHTER
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Why don't you tell them the next clue?
0:20:02 > 0:20:05In this sport you can suffer from a nasty wipe-out.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09All be slapped around by an angry left-hander.
0:20:09 > 0:20:10- It's surfing!- Close.- Close.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14- What do you mean "close"?- Not surfing.- It means it's NOT surfing.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16LAUGHTER
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Your final clue is a newspaper headline...
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- Is it wakeboarding?- No. - PETER:- Is it waterboarding?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28LAUGHTER
0:20:28 > 0:20:29Kitesurfing?
0:20:29 > 0:20:30Yous are getting close.
0:20:30 > 0:20:31Is it sheep dipping?
0:20:34 > 0:20:37APPLAUSE
0:20:37 > 0:20:41- OK, one last guess each. - Come on, Micky.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Hesitation. You're out.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46That's not fair. Micky's from Lurgan, he's never seen the sea.
0:20:50 > 0:20:51APPLAUSE
0:20:53 > 0:20:54Last guess from Jimeoin's team.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Water luge.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58OK, I'm going to give it to you guys.
0:20:58 > 0:20:59I'm going to tell you what it is.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03The King brothers are both world-beating surf kayakers.
0:21:08 > 0:21:12Corin is the British Champion and former Junior World Champion.
0:21:12 > 0:21:17Jake is the World Champion, having won it in 2013 in Australia.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:23 > 0:21:26We've got a clip of them in action. Let's have a look at it.
0:21:26 > 0:21:27- Oh, wow.- Oh, my god.
0:21:30 > 0:21:31Looks like fun, doesn't it?
0:21:39 > 0:21:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:42 > 0:21:43Well, none of you got it right,
0:21:43 > 0:21:45so unfortunately I can't award that round to anyone -
0:21:45 > 0:21:48apart from these two boys.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Seriously though, what's a hot donkey?
0:21:52 > 0:21:53It's a mystery move.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56It's a mystery move that nobody knows what it is or how it's done.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59It's just a Northern Irish saying - the hot donkey.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02- A hot donkey.- Have you done many hot donkeys these days?
0:22:02 > 0:22:04That's just it.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Do you put lipstick on donkeys?
0:22:12 > 0:22:16Ladies and gentlemen, keep giving it up big time
0:22:16 > 0:22:19for Jake and Corin King!
0:22:19 > 0:22:20CHEERING
0:22:25 > 0:22:26Well, we're near the end of the show.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29But before we reveal tonight's winners,
0:22:29 > 0:22:32it's time to pay tribute to our special guest.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36She's Monumental, and it's time to find out some reasons why.
0:22:36 > 0:22:41Ladies and gentlemen, it's Christine Bleakley.
0:22:41 > 0:22:42CHEERING
0:22:48 > 0:22:49Lovely chair for you.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Nice, yes. I like it.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54- We made it specifically for you. - Thank you.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Except C didn't work out, so...
0:22:57 > 0:22:59You're a national treasure around these parts.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03You've reached the top of your game and you're still smiling.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Here you are smiling even though you're from Newtownards.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11That's when I first started working in here, actually.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13I came in wearing that very school uniform,
0:23:13 > 0:23:16as lots of these cameramen here today will remember.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Not for that reason...
0:23:17 > 0:23:19LAUGHTER
0:23:19 > 0:23:21It just happened to be what I wore.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27You started behind the scenes in TV.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Oh, the glitz and the glamour and the pizzazz.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Here you are making people sick.
0:23:32 > 0:23:33Chicken broth soup...
0:23:33 > 0:23:35SHE SQUEALS
0:23:36 > 0:23:39'Oh, my goodness me.'
0:23:40 > 0:23:41..it's pea and ham soup.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44That was when I worked on Give My Head Peace,
0:23:44 > 0:23:47which I'm sure everybody remembers.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51We were doing a special in Spain, we were filming over there.
0:23:51 > 0:23:56I had to make vomit. I spent my day making buckets of sick.
0:23:56 > 0:24:00You should have just got hammered the night before. Here...
0:24:00 > 0:24:01- HE RETCHES - My work here is done.
0:24:03 > 0:24:07In four short years at the BBC, you presented...
0:24:07 > 0:24:08HE TAKES A DEEP BREATH
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Blast On The Box, The 11th Hour, Primary Focus,
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Town Challenge, First Stop, Sky High,
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Looking For Love, Children In Need, Country Calls, Summer Season,
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Clash Of The Celtic Giants,
0:24:18 > 0:24:21The Irish Music Awards, and, my personal favourite,
0:24:21 > 0:24:22Spill The Beans.
0:24:24 > 0:24:25- HE SIGHS - Oh, gosh.
0:24:25 > 0:24:26Thank you.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32I had the best time, honestly. I really mean that.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Four years of just complete bliss.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Of course, after that you were poached
0:24:36 > 0:24:38by BBC Two's Let Me Entertain You.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Then came The One Show.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44Their average of 5 million viewers, 7 million at their peak,
0:24:44 > 0:24:48and then everybody knew who Christine was.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51I was only ever supposed to be there for two weeks.
0:24:51 > 0:24:52I would come back every Friday night.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55My mum and dad, who are in the audience, would pick me
0:24:55 > 0:24:57up from the airport and I'd spend the weekend at home.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59I'd fly back on a Monday.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02Then two weeks went to four weeks and to six weeks and then suddenly
0:25:02 > 0:25:06they asked, "Would you want to stay?" That was how it began.
0:25:06 > 0:25:10It was never, ever the plan at all. It was just fantastic.
0:25:10 > 0:25:15We had a brilliant time doing it. It was just 30 minutes a day of fun.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17It was great. It was brilliant.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20Well, I certainly stopped watching once you left.
0:25:21 > 0:25:22But that was only the beginning.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26You've always used your fame to do your bit for charity.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28You're involved in the Prince's Trust
0:25:28 > 0:25:31and also you did quite an amazing thing for Sport Relief.
0:25:31 > 0:25:32Let's have a look.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38I can see France, and nothing is going to stop me.
0:25:41 > 0:25:42I did it!
0:25:43 > 0:25:45I swear I couldn't be happier.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49That was a tough hour and 40 minutes of my life.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51- Yeah, I bet.- Worth it.
0:25:51 > 0:25:52Worth it in the end.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Did you do it at the same time as David Walliams swam it?
0:25:56 > 0:25:59That would have been funny, you just took past...
0:26:00 > 0:26:03See ya!
0:26:03 > 0:26:05How much did you raise?
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Em, almost 1.5 million.
0:26:07 > 0:26:08That's incredible. Well done.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14We're going to go back to Newtownards
0:26:14 > 0:26:16- just for a little bit now. - NEWtownards.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19- You're Newtownards. - Newtownards, that's it.- New-nards.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21- How about every time I have to say it, you say it?- OK.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25- So what does Frank Lampard think of...- Newtownards?
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- He likes it very much.- Does he?- I can guess where this might be going.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Where did you take him the first time he went to Newtownards?
0:26:35 > 0:26:36The Poundland shop...
0:26:36 > 0:26:38LAUGHTER
0:26:38 > 0:26:39..in Newtownards Shopping Centre.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Look, you've got to keep it real. Do you know what I mean?
0:26:42 > 0:26:44I hear you. I hear you, sister.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46We went to the Poundland shop, yeah.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Looks like he's nicked a whole load of stuff.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53He's got his hands in his pockets.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55"Let's get out of here, Christine."
0:26:55 > 0:26:58- Oh, my goodness me.- What did you buy him there, Christine?
0:26:58 > 0:27:03Em, sweets, batteries for a radio phone thing and bleach.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07I thought you were making a bomb.
0:27:08 > 0:27:09Can't beat it. You can't beat it.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11Whatever they're doing,
0:27:11 > 0:27:13they don't want any evidence to be there after it.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15And a Polaroid camera.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19You're a great sport and they love you round these parts.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Long may your success continue.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25Here's one of your biggest fans with a lovely little message.
0:27:25 > 0:27:30Congratulations, Christine, on achieving this Monumental status.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33I had to be here to say this - that you are the kindest,
0:27:33 > 0:27:37most wonderful, most genuine person. I say that with true heart.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40I love working with you.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Beaten only by Gordon the Gopher.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Oh, my goodness!
0:27:49 > 0:27:51That is impressive.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54I still get butterflies and nerves working with Phillip Schofield.
0:27:54 > 0:27:58You've watched him for years and then he sits beside you, the Silver Fox.
0:27:58 > 0:28:02I can't believe it. That's really lovely. Thank you very much.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04Christine, we love you, they love you.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07You truly are Monumental.
0:28:07 > 0:28:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:13 > 0:28:16So that's about the end of this show. The scores are in.
0:28:16 > 0:28:20Tonight, we're going to leave it to the professional Mr Dickson.
0:28:20 > 0:28:21And the winners are...
0:28:21 > 0:28:23my team!
0:28:23 > 0:28:25CHEERING
0:28:28 > 0:28:33So that's thanks to Andrew Maxwell, Micky Bartlett and Peter Dickson.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35Jimeoin, Michael Smiley and the fantastic
0:28:35 > 0:28:37and Monumental Christine Bleakley.
0:28:38 > 0:28:40CHEERING
0:28:41 > 0:28:42I've been Jarred Christmas,
0:28:42 > 0:28:46and you lovely people of Northern Ireland have been truly Monumental.
0:28:46 > 0:28:47Good night.
0:28:49 > 0:28:53# I can tell just what you want
0:28:53 > 0:28:56# You don't want to be alone
0:28:56 > 0:29:00# You don't want to be alone
0:29:03 > 0:29:07# I can't say it's what you know
0:29:07 > 0:29:10# But you've known it the whole time
0:29:10 > 0:29:14# Yeah, you've known it the whole time. #