0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains adult humour
0:00:19 > 0:00:20APPLAUSE
0:00:20 > 0:00:24On the show tonight, Andrew Maxwell, Micky Bartlett,
0:00:24 > 0:00:27and the awesome comic and actor Shane Todd.
0:00:27 > 0:00:31Facing them Jimeoin, Michael Smiley
0:00:31 > 0:00:34and our Monumental guest, Dana.
0:00:34 > 0:00:38Please welcome your host Jarred Christmas.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Hello, and welcome to Monumental,
0:00:40 > 0:00:43the show about Northern Ireland, hosted by a Kiwi.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47My job tonight is to be an independent observer on this show
0:00:47 > 0:00:51and find out what is Monumental about this beautiful place.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55Northern Ireland and New Zealand - they've got a lot in common, guys.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59And we've got one thing that we're both obsessed about, the weather.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02I love looking up into the sky at the shapes of the clouds,
0:01:02 > 0:01:04you know, finding different shapes.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07"Look, that one looks like a dog! Look, that one looks like your mum."
0:01:08 > 0:01:12I love shapes of clouds, but you need separate clouds for that
0:01:12 > 0:01:15and in Northern Ireland, you just have one continuous cloud
0:01:15 > 0:01:17that looks like a massive duvet.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21I guess that's why it's so comfy here,
0:01:21 > 0:01:23just so comfortable underneath your massive duvet.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25I just want to spoon everyone.
0:01:27 > 0:01:28Last year, though,
0:01:28 > 0:01:32the sun did decide to grace this beautiful land with its presence.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Just like in New Zealand, I've noticed everybody here
0:01:34 > 0:01:35makes the most of it.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39Apparently, you deal with good weather just like we do -
0:01:39 > 0:01:43open up a beer, fire up the barbie, then call in sick for work.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51- Jarred, have you experienced Ireland in August?- I have not.
0:01:51 > 0:01:56Oooff! 20 degrees every day. Granted, that's not a great tourism slogan.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58"Come to Ireland, it's room temperature."
0:02:01 > 0:02:04The weather I always have a problem with is snow in Northern Ireland,
0:02:04 > 0:02:05because it just has so much in common
0:02:05 > 0:02:07with a terrifying ex-girlfriend of mine
0:02:07 > 0:02:10in that sort of, on average, once every two years, I'll be
0:02:10 > 0:02:13looking forward to my day, come down to my living room,
0:02:13 > 0:02:16pull back the curtains and just find it, like, there,
0:02:16 > 0:02:17lying in my driveway...
0:02:19 > 0:02:21I mean, obviously, I'm not going to leave the house
0:02:21 > 0:02:25until I'm satisfied that my dad's removed it with a spade.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28In Northern Ireland, we are
0:02:28 > 0:02:31prepared for All Kinds Of Everything with the weather.
0:02:31 > 0:02:32Boom, boom!
0:02:37 > 0:02:39We'd better get on with the show.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42This round is called Wish They Were One Of Us.
0:02:42 > 0:02:46Our teams have to tell us out of anyone in the world
0:02:46 > 0:02:50who they think is worthy of being called Northern Irish.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Jimeoin, who would you like to claim?
0:02:52 > 0:02:54I'd like to see the A-Team...
0:02:56 > 0:02:59..cos they're all on the dole,
0:02:59 > 0:03:03but whenever they did have work, they'd all go to work in one van.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06And they were accused of a crime they didn't commit.
0:03:10 > 0:03:15- Mickey, your turn.- I'd like to have Colonel Sanders from KFC.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18He's quite Northern Irish in a way because he's a colonel,
0:03:18 > 0:03:20but no-one's really sure what army he was in.
0:03:23 > 0:03:24Chicky ar la.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35- Dana liked that one. - Our chicken will come.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47- That was fowl.- That was fowl! LAUGHTER
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Did anybody see that programme where they asked different people
0:03:56 > 0:03:59in the street why it was called Kentucky Fried Chicken
0:03:59 > 0:04:01or where it came from and nobody knew.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Why was it? Because it's got chicken in it?
0:04:07 > 0:04:11- Because, Jim, it comes from Kentucky.- Right.
0:04:11 > 0:04:16- But nobody knew it came from Kentucky.- This is news to me.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Did you know that?
0:04:21 > 0:04:24I just called you Jim, I should have called you Jimeoin
0:04:24 > 0:04:27but I thought your name was Jim Owen.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30I'm not too sure either, to be honest.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33So does that mean your name is Da Na?
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- This Jimeoin?- Yes. - Is that a real name?- What? Yeah.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45- I've never heard it before. - My mother made it up
0:04:45 > 0:04:48and my surname is just too long.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Too long? So Jimeoin Too long?
0:04:50 > 0:04:51LAUGHTER
0:04:56 > 0:04:58It's Jimeoin Schwarzenegger.
0:04:59 > 0:05:05- Right, Dana, who do you think should be Northern Irish?- Maureen O'Hara.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09- Maureen O'Hara?- Uh-huh. - Was she an actress in the '50s?
0:05:09 > 0:05:11She was, and the '60s and the '70s and '80s.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15Very beautiful, she's a very strong woman, cos the women
0:05:15 > 0:05:18of Northern Ireland are strong and they're good-looking.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22- What was she in?- She was in The Quiet Man with John Wayne.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26- She does all her own stunts. - She could take a punch.
0:05:26 > 0:05:31- Oh, well, she could. And she could throw a punch.- My sort of gal.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35Andrew, who do you want to make Northern Irish?
0:05:35 > 0:05:39- I would like to pick Artur Boruc. - Who?
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Southampton's Polish goalie
0:05:41 > 0:05:44- because he sounds like he's from Northern Ireland.- Really?
0:05:44 > 0:05:48There's a clip of him on Match Of The Day a couple of weeks back
0:05:48 > 0:05:50and I swear to God he doesn't accidentally...
0:05:50 > 0:05:52He doesn't sound...
0:05:52 > 0:05:54- STRONG IRISH ACCENT:- He doesn't sound like a twangy accent,
0:05:54 > 0:05:56it's not that, you know, gyrating.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58We've got the clip, mate.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Just sounds like a dude from Dundonald.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02What can I say just now, you know?
0:06:02 > 0:06:07What happens happens and you bounce back as soon as possible.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11I can promise that I'll take those two points back.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14APPLAUSE
0:06:17 > 0:06:20It's just a weird bit of somewhere in the middle of Poland
0:06:20 > 0:06:23where everybody has just a gentle kind of suburban Belfast accent.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27But didn't he used to be the goalkeeper for Celtic,
0:06:27 > 0:06:31so maybe that's the Venn diagram of when Polish meets Glaswegian
0:06:31 > 0:06:33and it becomes Northern Irish in the middle.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37I used to work with a Polish guy who... He'd lived in Lurgan
0:06:37 > 0:06:40so long he developed a Lurgan accent with a hint of Polish.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Like, he would talk to me and he would go,
0:06:42 > 0:06:44"Micky, it's very nice to meet you and work with you.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47"One day you will be on television and we will go for...
0:06:47 > 0:06:49- STRONG IRISH ACCENT:- "..lager pints!"
0:06:51 > 0:06:53- Michael Smiley, over to you.- Elvis.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56I think Elvis is actually the patron saint of Northern Ireland,
0:06:56 > 0:06:57you know what I mean?
0:06:57 > 0:07:00When I was a kid growing up, older men, like my dad's age,
0:07:00 > 0:07:02if you weren't bald,
0:07:02 > 0:07:03you had the quiff, didn't you?
0:07:03 > 0:07:07Everybody was trying to be a wee bit Elvis. They were obsessed with it.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11And also, at the end of the day, most Northern Irishman at some time
0:07:11 > 0:07:13have thought they were going to die on the toilet.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Not necessarily with a burger in their hands
0:07:16 > 0:07:18but there's a terrible moment
0:07:18 > 0:07:20where you go, "Oh, sweet Jesus!
0:07:21 > 0:07:23"Oh, Elvis, I'm coming, move over."
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Right, let's move on. Shane, your turn.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Who do you want to make Northern Irish?
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Tiger Woods, but under the condition that we could switch
0:07:32 > 0:07:33Rory McIlroy for him
0:07:33 > 0:07:37because I'm from Holywood, and with McIlroy out of the scene,
0:07:37 > 0:07:39I'd probably be favoured
0:07:39 > 0:07:41to do Christmas light switch-on, 2014.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47And also, Tiger Woods, his main passions are golf and women
0:07:47 > 0:07:48and obviously we cater that way -
0:07:48 > 0:07:52we've some of the best golf courses in the world and also some of...
0:07:52 > 0:07:54and some of the best golf courses in...
0:07:57 > 0:08:00I don't know about Tiger Woods, man, you know, Tiger Woods is all like,
0:08:00 > 0:08:02"Oh, I'm addicted to sex."
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Well done, Tiger, we're all addicted to sex.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07It's just some of us aren't rich enough or good looking enough
0:08:07 > 0:08:08to have sex with anyone we want.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12- We have to stick with one person. - It still hurts, huh?
0:08:15 > 0:08:19Right, well, I'm going to award that round to Jimeoin's team.
0:08:19 > 0:08:20APPLAUSE
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Now it's time to play Town Challenge.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29I'll lay down some facts about small towns in Northern Ireland
0:08:29 > 0:08:33and the teams have to guess which town I'm talking about.
0:08:33 > 0:08:38Jimeoin, here's your team's first fact about your mystery town.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Sting spent his summers in this town
0:08:41 > 0:08:45when he was married to his first wife Frances Tomelty.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47- Sting used to live there? - He spent his summers there.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51And then had to leave when they realised he was in The Police?
0:08:51 > 0:08:52LAUGHTER
0:08:55 > 0:08:58- Shane, do you know who Sting is? When were you born?- 1988.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- Oh, maybe.- Summer of Love.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04My parents got divorced when I was three months, so not really.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- Sorry about that, Shane.- No problem. - Happy days, eh?- Happy days.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14I'll give you your second clue.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18From 1915 till 1917, the site was used to house
0:09:18 > 0:09:23Zeppelin-style airships that would hunt submarines.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27- That was a rare photo taken at the time.- Do you know any of the people?
0:09:27 > 0:09:31- No, give us another clue.- All right.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34This town is home to some colourful properties.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38It's not Balamory, it is not Balamory.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Colourful houses, that's a seaside place, isn't it?
0:09:40 > 0:09:42You don't get many U-boats inland.
0:09:42 > 0:09:47- I like it.- That's true. - Colourful houses, Sting, airships.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51- Rostrevor.- You've just linked two names together, mate.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54No, it's not Rostrevor. What about you guys?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56- Is it Bangor?- No, it's not.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59The answer was Whitehead in County Antrim.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03- He jumped in before we... - Dana's not happy with that.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07It's all right, look, if we both lose, it's called the Peace Process.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Andrew's team, here's your first clue.
0:10:11 > 0:10:17Every June, this town hosts an international walking festival.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21Oh, yeah, after trekking over fields and mountains,
0:10:21 > 0:10:25the festival ends with the blister ball.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26Do they walk like this?
0:10:37 > 0:10:40- Any ideas?- No.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Fact number two.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46A Blue Lady haunts the countryside around this town.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Oh, a Blue Lady and just to confirm she's blue
0:10:49 > 0:10:52because she has a filthy mouth.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55No, not really, it's cos she's a ghost, or a Smurf,
0:10:55 > 0:10:56or a ghost of a Smurf.
0:10:56 > 0:11:01- Ghost and a wet hill. - And the blister ball.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04Let's not forget the blister ball cos I got that on holiday one time.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06LAUGHTER
0:11:08 > 0:11:10What sort of walking is it? Power walking?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- I guess it's festive walking. - I do love power walking.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16The first time I saw power walking, a woman doing it, I thought
0:11:16 > 0:11:20"Oh, man, she's raging. Someone's going to get a right bollocking."
0:11:23 > 0:11:25But what is it about anywhere in Ireland where Irish women
0:11:25 > 0:11:29get to a certain age and then they have an overwhelming desire
0:11:29 > 0:11:31to put on a fleece and walk against traffic after dinner?
0:11:31 > 0:11:33You see it all over Ireland.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35About seven or eight in the evening,
0:11:35 > 0:11:38just thousands of Irish mammies in fleeces just walking...
0:11:38 > 0:11:41Like some places in rural Ireland where there's no path or anything,
0:11:41 > 0:11:43they're going up against articulated lorries
0:11:43 > 0:11:46and this grim determination in the eyes.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49"If I make it home alive, I can have a slice of cheesecake."
0:11:52 > 0:11:56The final fact - this town is home to local landmarks
0:11:56 > 0:12:01such as The Bloody Bridge, Widows Row,
0:12:01 > 0:12:04- and Tropicana swimming pool and mini golf.- I've got nothing.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06It's somewhere like Mourne...
0:12:06 > 0:12:09- Newcastle, Mourne direction. - You're so close.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12- Newcastle.- Well done, it is Newcastle.
0:12:12 > 0:12:13APPLAUSE
0:12:13 > 0:12:16- It's true.- We got it right.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20So that round blatantly goes to Andrew's team.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22APPLAUSE
0:12:25 > 0:12:28This round is called Monumentally Missed.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31I want each of you to tell me about something, a saying, a custom,
0:12:31 > 0:12:35anything at all, that's now missing from modern Northern Ireland.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Dana, what do you want to bring back?
0:12:37 > 0:12:40I want to bring back, it was a children's series actually,
0:12:40 > 0:12:42and it's called Champion, The Wonder Horse.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Does anybody remember it? # Champion... #
0:12:45 > 0:12:46Do you remember the...?
0:12:46 > 0:12:48# Champion, the wonder horse... #
0:12:48 > 0:12:50But it was about a horse,
0:12:50 > 0:12:52he was like a bigger version of Lassie.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56You know, he used to help people in difficult situations.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58He was like a drier version of Flipper.
0:13:01 > 0:13:02I actually have a very vivid memory
0:13:02 > 0:13:05of watching Champion, The Wonder Horse.
0:13:05 > 0:13:06This is an absolutely true story.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10Do you remember when you used to fry chips
0:13:10 > 0:13:13and eggs in just an ordinary pan that you put lard into?
0:13:13 > 0:13:17It was before you had those fancy deep-fat fryers.
0:13:17 > 0:13:22I was babysitting the two younger brothers and I was making them chips
0:13:22 > 0:13:24and I went in to see who wanted fried egg
0:13:24 > 0:13:28and I got engrossed in Champion, The Wonder Horse
0:13:28 > 0:13:32and I'm standing watching it oblivious to the fact
0:13:32 > 0:13:35that the smoke is wafting out the kitchen window
0:13:35 > 0:13:37and we didn't hear the door, we didn't hear anything
0:13:37 > 0:13:40and the neighbours had to break in the window
0:13:40 > 0:13:41and put the fire out in the kitchen.
0:13:41 > 0:13:46We're still watching # Champion, the wonder horse! #
0:13:50 > 0:13:54Well, let's definitely bring that back just to give firemen more work.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57- Yes.- Andrew, what do you want to bring back?- Dogs.- Oh, yeah?
0:13:57 > 0:14:03I want to bring back that the only scary dog that lunatics would have
0:14:03 > 0:14:07would be a terrier, a Jack Russell. That's how it was back in the day,
0:14:07 > 0:14:10the lunatic around your way would have a Jackie
0:14:10 > 0:14:14and now it's all pit bulls and I cannot stand pit bulls.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17They're not a dog. This is how a dog moves...
0:14:19 > 0:14:24Yeah, that's... You get the idea? Yeah? This is how a pit bull moves.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Arrrgh! Arrrgh! Arrrgh!
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Arrrgh! Arrrgh!
0:14:29 > 0:14:32The back end is trying to have sex with the front end of it.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36And that should be loose in the park with my children, yeah?
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Eventually, the owner, when your kids are terrified,
0:14:39 > 0:14:42eventually the owner comes up at you.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46SHOUTING: "Don't you worry about him, he's lovely!
0:14:46 > 0:14:49"He's lovely, he wouldn't hurt anybody!
0:14:49 > 0:14:53"He's gentle, he's gentle, look!"
0:14:53 > 0:14:54Arrrgh!
0:14:54 > 0:14:58"He wouldn't hurt... He wouldn't hurt anybody!"
0:15:00 > 0:15:03That's what I want to bring back.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04When all they had was the terrier.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07To me, that looked like one of Hitler's speeches, there.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10HE SPUTTERS
0:15:12 > 0:15:15OK, Jimeoin, what do you want to bring back?
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Er... Hitting the kids.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20LAUGHTER
0:15:22 > 0:15:25I'm not talking punishment beatings here,
0:15:25 > 0:15:28but, you know - just a wee clip round the ear from time to time.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30My mum was always doing that, you know?
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Don't really mean anything.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35You know, she'd say she'd lost her head, and she hadn't really.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37She'd go, "I can't take much more of this!"
0:15:37 > 0:15:39And you're going, "Oh, yes, you can.
0:15:39 > 0:15:40"You can take a lot more."
0:15:40 > 0:15:43My dad was a builder and he used to hit us in building terms.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46He'd go, "I'll get a 4 by 2, and I'll level you boys.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50"But not this week. I'm kind of busy.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52"Maybe Wednesday next week at the earliest."
0:15:52 > 0:15:56OK, Shane, what do you want to bring back?
0:15:56 > 0:15:59I'd be all in favour of bringing back Energy 106 discos.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03They were basically these underage raves that happened in the Ice Bowl,
0:16:03 > 0:16:06and me and my friends went to it when we were like 14,
0:16:06 > 0:16:10and you'd spend about four quid on glow sticks beforehand.
0:16:10 > 0:16:11And there were dealers there as well.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Like, I'll admit, I bought coke,
0:16:14 > 0:16:18and you would get, like Monster Munch, you'd get...
0:16:18 > 0:16:20It was a tuck shop, basically, and...
0:16:20 > 0:16:24The reason I want to bring it back is because this thing used to happen,
0:16:24 > 0:16:26which is known as Northern Ireland rave face,
0:16:26 > 0:16:29which is when a man's raving in Northern Ireland,
0:16:29 > 0:16:31he's really, like, feeling the tunes,
0:16:31 > 0:16:35and his face contorts in such a way that is only seen on the dance floor.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38I've glow sticks in my hand, for the purpose of this. So...
0:16:40 > 0:16:41APPLAUSE
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Just love the idea that people are getting nostalgic about rave.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50You know what I mean?
0:16:50 > 0:16:52I was there at the birth of it, man. You know what I mean?
0:16:52 > 0:16:55Yous kids didn't know. See in years to come,
0:16:55 > 0:16:58there's just going to be an old people's home called Dunravin'.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02And just me and about 20 others standing around a sequencer
0:17:02 > 0:17:05going, "No, no, no, no, no, no..."
0:17:05 > 0:17:06Come on, girls.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08HE IMITATES BASS
0:17:08 > 0:17:10HE IMITATES SYNTH
0:17:10 > 0:17:12And there'd be somebody's pacemaker...
0:17:12 > 0:17:17HE IMITATES ELECTRICAL HUM
0:17:17 > 0:17:19That's a great tune, keep it going, though.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Davy's dead.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Turn it up.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25It's what he would have wanted.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Micky.
0:17:30 > 0:17:31What do you want back?
0:17:31 > 0:17:34I miss the days when Northern Irish adverts
0:17:34 > 0:17:36didn't scare the living crap out of you.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39There used to be a time when adverts over here were quite nice -
0:17:39 > 0:17:42like, for Crazy Price it'd be like, "Hey, our prices are crazy!"
0:17:42 > 0:17:44And then sort of early in the mid-'90s there was that...
0:17:44 > 0:17:46# Cat's in the cradle and the... #
0:17:46 > 0:17:48HE IMITATES GUNFIRE
0:17:48 > 0:17:49It's got worse as the years have gone on.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52I don't know if you've seen, like, the signs of a stroke -
0:17:52 > 0:17:54- dangerous signs of a stroke. DANA:- Oh, yeah, that's scary.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57The first one is like you'll lose the feeling on one side of your face,
0:17:57 > 0:18:00and you'll lose the power of your speech is the second one,
0:18:00 > 0:18:01and according to this advert,
0:18:01 > 0:18:03the third sign of a stroke is that your head catches fire.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12If my head ever catches fire, please, don't assume I'm having a stroke.
0:18:12 > 0:18:13Run the bath.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15LAUGHTER
0:18:15 > 0:18:17And the winner of that round is Andrew's team!
0:18:23 > 0:18:27This round goes by the name of Mystery Monumental.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29It's all about people who've achieved greatness
0:18:29 > 0:18:31that you might not know about.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35All our teams have to do is guess what amazing feat
0:18:35 > 0:18:36these people have achieved.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39So, please, welcome tonight's Mystery Monumental guest,
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Patrick Huston!
0:18:41 > 0:18:43APPLAUSE
0:18:47 > 0:18:52Patrick is the world junior champion at something,
0:18:52 > 0:18:56but can you guess what it is just by looking at him?
0:18:56 > 0:18:58- Junior champion?- Yeah.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01So, it's not shaving or anything like that.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04It's not ironing your shirt, either.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06That's the wardrobe for you, you can't blame me.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10- Is it a sport?- Yes, it is.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14- A sport. Does it involve a ball? - It does not.- It doesn't.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Our first clue is a headline
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- ....Shot.- You're a shooter. Guns.- Getting close.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25- DANA:- It's an Olympic sport? - Yeah.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27But it's something that you can shoot or throw...
0:19:27 > 0:19:30When you throw it, do you go, "Light it, light it!"
0:19:32 > 0:19:35All right, the second clue is a piece of equipment
0:19:35 > 0:19:38which Patrick always uses in this event.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39It's a mouse.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41It's like a small rubber cat.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44- A small rubber cat.- Yeah. With a hole down the centre as well.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46A rubber cat with a hole down the centre...
0:19:46 > 0:19:48That'll never stand up in court.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52I think I saw you at the end of the news, would that be right?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Olympic weather-watching?
0:19:55 > 0:19:56- Archery?- Yep. It is indeed.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Well done!
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Patrick Huston has won two gold medals
0:20:05 > 0:20:10in the world archery youth championships in 2013.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14ANNOUNCER: Ten'll win the gold. Ten!
0:20:14 > 0:20:16APPLAUSE
0:20:19 > 0:20:21What's the little rabbit thing? What was that?
0:20:21 > 0:20:24When you're shooting, the arrow sticks into the target
0:20:24 > 0:20:26really, really hard, and that's a wee rubber grip thing,
0:20:26 > 0:20:30it fits over the top and you pull the arrow out with it.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Now, because you guys lost, Jimeoin,
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Patrick is going to shoot an apple...
0:20:36 > 0:20:38off your head, Jimeoin.
0:20:40 > 0:20:41Bring on the target!
0:20:48 > 0:20:49Andrew, step up, mate.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52You are going to have to fire an arrow,
0:20:52 > 0:20:54just to show us how difficult it is.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56We've got another bow and arrow for you.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Here you go, buddy.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03LAUGHTER
0:21:03 > 0:21:06That's all you, mate. That is all you.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08- HIGH VOICE:- You've got such a pretty bow!
0:21:08 > 0:21:11You look like the scalliest Cupid ever.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Guys, come and stand over behind here.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16I'll protect you.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Archers, when you're ready.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Aye!
0:21:20 > 0:21:21Oh, no, that's a pirate.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23DRUMROLL
0:21:26 > 0:21:27HE WHIMPERS
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Now, Patrick, show us how it's really done.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37DRUMROLL
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Good body position.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Oh!
0:21:51 > 0:21:53APPLAUSE
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Wow!
0:21:55 > 0:21:59Ladies and gentlemen, the Monumental Patrick Huston!
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Now it's almost time to announce the winners.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11But first tonight we pay tribute
0:22:11 > 0:22:15to Ireland's first-ever Eurovision Song Contest winner
0:22:15 > 0:22:17an international pop sensation,
0:22:17 > 0:22:21and the first lady of Stroke City, Dana!
0:22:30 > 0:22:32You were christened as Rosemary Brown,
0:22:32 > 0:22:35and here you are as a wee little Rosemary.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Ahh.
0:22:37 > 0:22:38Never off the phone.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43In 1970, you burst onto the scene
0:22:43 > 0:22:48when you won the Eurovision Song Contest at the age of 19.
0:22:48 > 0:22:49# City sights
0:22:49 > 0:22:51# Neon lights
0:22:51 > 0:22:55# Grey skies or blue
0:22:55 > 0:22:59# All kinds of everything
0:22:59 > 0:23:02# Remind me of you. #
0:23:02 > 0:23:05- ANNOUNCER:- A little girl from Bogside, still a schoolgirl.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Winner of the...
0:23:07 > 0:23:10- Jesus... - LAUGHTER
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Who was that guy?!
0:23:12 > 0:23:14That's Jackie Smith, and he was one of the writers.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- Oh, right.- Right, Just as well. - He was allowed to run out there.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20And of course Derry Lindsay was the other one,
0:23:20 > 0:23:22he didn't run out - but that was Jackie Smith.
0:23:22 > 0:23:23Right on the mouth, though.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26He wasn't kissing the cheek, it was right on the mouth.
0:23:26 > 0:23:27Big headlock...
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Can I pick other team-members?
0:23:33 > 0:23:36More hits followed, like Tell Him I Said Hello
0:23:36 > 0:23:38and Something's Cookin' In The Kitchen.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42Here you are on Top Of The Pops in 1977
0:23:42 > 0:23:44singing Put Some Words Together.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47And check out who else was on the bill.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50MUSIC: "Exodus" by Bob Marley And The Wailers
0:23:50 > 0:23:54APPLAUSE
0:23:54 > 0:23:57This week's 14, Bob Marley And The Wailers, and that's the Exodus.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Let's calm thing down rather nicely. Dana's back on Top Of The Pops.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03She's going to Put Some Words Together.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05# It's high time
0:24:05 > 0:24:08# You put some words together
0:24:08 > 0:24:10# Just for me
0:24:10 > 0:24:14# If I hang on till you're ready
0:24:14 > 0:24:17# I could wait forever
0:24:17 > 0:24:19APPLAUSE
0:24:22 > 0:24:24I just love the idea of Bob Marley's band going,
0:24:24 > 0:24:28"See, Bob - that is the sound you need to go for.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31"Talkin' about Ras and ting, get your hair cut,
0:24:31 > 0:24:34"put on a nice dress or something."
0:24:34 > 0:24:35Did you get to meet Bob Marley?
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Well, we did, yeah.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40It's a really big shock when you go into the Top Of The Pops studio,
0:24:40 > 0:24:41it was so small.
0:24:41 > 0:24:42Smoky.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45No... No smoking.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48- Was Bob nice? - Yeah, he was nice. Everybody...
0:24:48 > 0:24:50You're sitting in make-up, and you turn round and you go,
0:24:50 > 0:24:51"Ooh, there's Bob."
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Bob Marley in the make-up chair, just,
0:24:55 > 0:24:58"Do something with my red eyes, yeah?"
0:25:00 > 0:25:02By that stage, you were still very young,
0:25:02 > 0:25:06but you had already been in the business for almost a decade.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08What do you remember from those days?
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Working.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13It was work, work, work, seven days a week.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17Television and concerts and cabaret and travel abroad.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20It was just non-stop.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23And I loved it, and you did a great variety of things
0:25:23 > 0:25:24and I enjoyed it all.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Did you have like a dietician?
0:25:27 > 0:25:29I heard One Direction have a dietician to make sure
0:25:29 > 0:25:31they're eating the right foods and they don't get sick.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34- Did you have one of those? - Yeah, I did. My mum.
0:25:34 > 0:25:35LAUGHTER
0:25:35 > 0:25:39You moved to America, where you had a successful television career,
0:25:39 > 0:25:41and you kept singing to big crowds,
0:25:41 > 0:25:46like the 250,000 in Central Park, New York.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Even Pope John Paul II was there.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Was he singing along with you?
0:25:50 > 0:25:52- Oh, absolutely.- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Did you open for the Pope?
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Of course.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59- So he was on second. - He was second in the bill.
0:25:59 > 0:26:00That's a lot of heat to follow.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02It would've been funny if you'd blanked him, just,
0:26:02 > 0:26:04"Not now, I'm kind of busy."
0:26:05 > 0:26:07You're going to get me into a lot of trouble.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09- Sorry, sorry, Dana.- Sorry, Dana.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11LAUGHTER
0:26:11 > 0:26:13We don't really do politics on this show,
0:26:13 > 0:26:16but we have got awkward footage of you getting the bumps
0:26:16 > 0:26:18after winning an election.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Oh!
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Yes. What can you say?
0:26:28 > 0:26:30What would they have done if you lost?
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Oh...battered ye.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Battered ye.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38No, that's traditional - you see that all over the world,
0:26:38 > 0:26:39but it's really embarrassing
0:26:39 > 0:26:42when you're trying to keep your skirt over your knees, you know?
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Did you have your Spanx on that night?
0:26:45 > 0:26:47Oh, absolutely!
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Oh, you can't tell him anything. You know that.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53You never forgot your roots, though,
0:26:53 > 0:26:56and you returned to the Maiden City to perform
0:26:56 > 0:27:01a concert as part of the launch of the City of Culture in 2013.
0:27:01 > 0:27:02Wow.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04Look who's in that photo.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Gary Lightbody from Snow Patrol.
0:27:06 > 0:27:07Jimmy Nesbitt.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10Wow. The company you keep.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Popes, international rock stars and hobbits.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19Dana, you've represented the country for more than four decades.
0:27:19 > 0:27:24But we'll leave the last word to another Irish music industry legend,
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Mr Louis Walsh.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30Hi, Dana. Congratulations on getting Monumental status.
0:27:30 > 0:27:31You absolutely deserve it,
0:27:31 > 0:27:33because you're one of the few people I know
0:27:33 > 0:27:36that's been in the entertainment/music business
0:27:36 > 0:27:38as long as I have.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41I remember, in the '70s when you won the Eurovision,
0:27:41 > 0:27:42you were just a little schoolgirl,
0:27:42 > 0:27:46but Dana, you always had the X factor, you always worked hard,
0:27:46 > 0:27:48and you've earned every single thing.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51So have a great night tonight. Bye-bye.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54- That's nice, isn't it?- Yes. APPLAUSE
0:27:54 > 0:27:57Ladies and gentlemen, the lady, the legend,
0:27:57 > 0:28:00the absolutely Monumental Dana.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02Ahh. APPLAUSE
0:28:07 > 0:28:09And the winning team is Andrew's team!
0:28:11 > 0:28:16So, it's thanks to Andrew Maxwell, Micky Bartlett and Shane Todd.
0:28:16 > 0:28:21Jimeoin, Michael Smiley and the Monumentally fantastic Dana!
0:28:23 > 0:28:25I've been Jarred Christmas
0:28:25 > 0:28:28and you lovely people of Northern Ireland have been truly Monumental.
0:28:28 > 0:28:29Good night!
0:28:32 > 0:28:35MUSIC: "Get Over You" by The Undertones
0:28:41 > 0:28:43# And I don't wanna get over you
0:28:43 > 0:28:46# It doesn't matter what you do
0:28:46 > 0:28:50# I just can't get over you - over you
0:28:51 > 0:28:54# And I don't wanna get over you
0:28:54 > 0:28:57# It doesn't matter what you do... #