0:00:19 > 0:00:23On tonight's show - Jimeoin, Michael Smiley,
0:00:23 > 0:00:25and a posh Radio Four lady,
0:00:25 > 0:00:28and voice of this voice-over, Kathy Clugston.
0:00:28 > 0:00:33On the other team, Andrew Maxwell, Mickey Bartlett,
0:00:33 > 0:00:37and our Monumental guest, the wee man from Strabane, it's Hugo Duncan.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41And here's our host, Jarred Christmas.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45Hello and welcome to Monumental, the show about the Northern Ireland,
0:00:45 > 0:00:47hosted by a Kiwi.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50And it's my job to be an independent observer on this show
0:00:50 > 0:00:53and find out what is monumental about this place?
0:00:53 > 0:00:56What I love about Northern Ireland is you have
0:00:56 > 0:01:00your own way of speaking. Not just the accent, but sayings.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04When I arrived, the taxi driver who was waiting for me had my name
0:01:04 > 0:01:07on a piece of card and he confused me by saying, "Is that you, is it?"
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Well, who else would I be, but me?
0:01:12 > 0:01:16It's almost an existential question, "Is that you?"
0:01:16 > 0:01:19I take that to mean, "At this point in your life,
0:01:19 > 0:01:22"the persona you present to the world, is that you?
0:01:22 > 0:01:25"Or are you not happy with yourself?"
0:01:25 > 0:01:27So, is that you, could be replied with,
0:01:27 > 0:01:30"No, no, it's all just a front.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32"I've got this happy-go-lucky persona
0:01:32 > 0:01:34"just to keep people at a distance.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36"I get along with them, but I never really let people in.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40"I think it's because I moved around so much as a kid.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43"My dad was in the Army, and I'd make a best friend,
0:01:43 > 0:01:46"but then we'd just have to move on. It was just less painful
0:01:46 > 0:01:50"not to have best friends. I ended up not having anyone to confide in.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53"Inside, I'm really lonely."
0:01:53 > 0:01:57So, you asked me, "Is that you?" No, no, it's not me.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01It's not even a fraction of me. But thank you for asking.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05And you know what he said?
0:02:05 > 0:02:07"Is that you?" Because "Is that you?"
0:02:07 > 0:02:09can also mean "Are you finished?"
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Which explains the weird bedroom encounter
0:02:11 > 0:02:14I had a few years back over here. She said, "Is that you?"
0:02:14 > 0:02:16I said, "I think so,
0:02:16 > 0:02:18"otherwise someone else has just disappointed you."
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Hugo? Have you got a phrase from Strabane?
0:02:25 > 0:02:30If I look over here at Kathy, I'd say, "She's sitting fornenst me."
0:02:30 > 0:02:34Kathy, can you decipher that for us? In Radio Four language?
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Yes, it would be "Madame, you are sitting opposite me."
0:02:37 > 0:02:39AUDIENCE OOHS
0:02:39 > 0:02:43- Well done.- Flies high, flies high. - What was that one?
0:02:43 > 0:02:44Oh, well, jolly good.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53This round is called Wish They Were One Of Us.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57Each player has to suggest someone from anywhere else in the world
0:02:57 > 0:03:00that they think is worthy of the Northern Irish status.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Jimeoin, who would you nominate?
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Edward Snowden, the whistle-blower.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11For obvious reasons, he just couldn't keep his mouth shut,
0:03:11 > 0:03:12loves a bit of gossip,
0:03:12 > 0:03:15and he had to get out of the country when he was in trouble.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Good gossip, you need all the details and, at the end of it,
0:03:22 > 0:03:24you still don't believe it.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Who? Where? When?!
0:03:27 > 0:03:28No.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- Andrew, what about you, mate? - Kim Kardashian.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42She wants to be brown, but she's ended up looking very orange.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47She comes from a very big dysfunctional family.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49She got pregnant by a passing rapper.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53And she christened her baby the North.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57She's in.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59And the rapper of course is Kanye West.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Yes, he was also from Strabane.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- Who you blame for everything. - Yeah, and rightly so.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10What about you, Michael Smiley?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13- Who do you want to make Northern Irish?- Captain Kirk...
0:04:14 > 0:04:16..off Star Trek Enterprise.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19The original, as well, William Shatner.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Because they would just change it here to Billy.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Cos William's just far too middle-class over here,
0:04:26 > 0:04:29so it would change to Billy, but then he would sign his full name,
0:04:29 > 0:04:31he would sign just some weird sex.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43I saw great graffiti on the wall, "Don't be me up now, Scotty,
0:04:43 > 0:04:44"I'm having an S-H-I..."
0:04:44 > 0:04:46and then the T just went up.
0:04:51 > 0:04:56- Hugo, your nomination, please. - Tom Jones.- Wow.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59- The Green, Green Grass Of Home. - Just purely because of the song?
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Because of the song and the talent and just the man.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03He puts me in mind...
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Every time I look at him on TV, it puts me in mind of myself.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11- You need your TV fixed. - That raw, pulsating sexuality?
0:05:11 > 0:05:12- Yes.- That's it!
0:05:12 > 0:05:14I don't think "Why, why, why, Fidelma?"
0:05:14 > 0:05:17has the same sort of ring to it, though.
0:05:17 > 0:05:22# What's new, pussycat? Whoa-oa-oa. #
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Hugo wouldn't sing it like that he'd be,
0:05:24 > 0:05:27# What's the craic, pussycat? Yo-do-lo-do-lo.... #
0:05:28 > 0:05:33- Kathy, your go.- Mary Berry from the Great British Bake Off.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Yes. She has that look about, doesn't she?
0:05:35 > 0:05:38She'd fit in quite well with the North Down set, I think,
0:05:38 > 0:05:39in her wee satin bomber jacket.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42And a wee blonde bob.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45I think she'd fit very well in Helen's Bay area.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Hey, hey, hey.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51You'll never see Mary Berry around my area.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54But she'd give you a look, wouldn't she?
0:05:54 > 0:05:57If your bottom was soggy, heaven forbid, you'd get a look.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59If your what?
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Soggy bottom, that's the big crime on British Bake ff.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Round our way, if your chip pan wasn't bubbling, you'd be in trouble.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Exactly. Well, she would give you a look
0:06:08 > 0:06:10and I think she would fit in very well here.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13She's very much Helen's Bay.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16You won't know this about Belfast and Northern Ireland.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Because you're from all the way in New Zealand.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21But there's a lot of very nice people here,
0:06:21 > 0:06:23it's not all scumbags, you know.
0:06:26 > 0:06:27All the way through the Troubles,
0:06:27 > 0:06:30while half the people were blowing up the city centre,
0:06:30 > 0:06:32the other half were sailing in the bay.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Mickey, who are you picking?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42I want Spider-Man...
0:06:44 > 0:06:46..to be Northern Irish.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49I wanted him to be Northern Irish, then I thought about it
0:06:49 > 0:06:52and I realised it wouldn't really work, because he's got the disguise.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55We live in a country where people are trained to see through balaclavas.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59So he would go into a post office and go,
0:06:59 > 0:07:01"Ah, Jesus, Peter, how's your mummy?"
0:07:01 > 0:07:03LAUGHTER
0:07:10 > 0:07:14Well, I am going to award that round to...Andrew's team!
0:07:14 > 0:07:16APPLAUSE
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Now it is time to play town challenge.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26We are going to give some clues about a Northern Irish town
0:07:26 > 0:07:30and our teams are going to guess which town we're talking about.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33OK, Jimeoin, your team is up first.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Despite having a population of only 500,
0:07:36 > 0:07:39the Queen has visited this town twice.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44Does that help narrow it down? It is a town with a marquee.
0:07:44 > 0:07:49It must be awful when you're a queen and you've accidentally farted.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51LAUGHTER
0:07:51 > 0:07:56- "Oh, this is awkward." - She would find it hard to break wind
0:07:56 > 0:07:58cos everyone would be trying to be around her all the time.
0:07:58 > 0:08:03"I am just going to go over here for a moment." "I'll come with you."
0:08:03 > 0:08:07- "No, no, I will be OK." - Here is your second clue.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Local celebrity, Orange Peggy,
0:08:10 > 0:08:17was buried in this town in 1891 at the age of 108 years old.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20- Orange Peggy, 500, the Queen has been there loads of times.- Twice.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22It's not the Ardoyne, that's for sure.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28- Where would the Queen go to twice? - Is it somewhere like Hillsborough?
0:08:28 > 0:08:29- Yes, that would be good. - Hillsborough.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31I will give you the final clue.
0:08:31 > 0:08:36This town's name has nothing to do with ducks and actually means
0:08:36 > 0:08:39"Ford mouth of the curses."
0:08:41 > 0:08:44- Ducks, bills... Erm, mallard. - Mallard.- Ballinamallard.
0:08:44 > 0:08:49- Ballinamallard, I say.- Is that your final answer?- That is my final...
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- Do you agree?- I agree with you. - Final answer, Ballinamallard.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Well done, Kathy.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56APPLAUSE
0:08:59 > 0:09:02During the news back in the day they used to mispronounce
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Ballinamallard as Ball-enna-mall-ard.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09- Making it a whole lot posher and nicer sounding.- Beautiful spot. Yes.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13- All right, guys, I will go, I'll go!- We'll take you.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16You will be in the boot of our car but we'll take you.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21I will only go in the car if Kathy is doing the sat nav.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25- Voice, doing the sat nav voice.- I am not coming with you the whole way.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29- Do you do the sat nav voice? - I am one of them, yes.- Really?- Yes.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32- You don't do the post office, do you?- No.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34- The post office girl is my favourite.- "Cashier number three..."
0:09:34 > 0:09:38Yes, "Cashier number four, please." She's brilliant.
0:09:38 > 0:09:39She is brilliant.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41You get off the train and listen to Kathy and go,
0:09:41 > 0:09:43"I can't wait to get to Finaghy." And then you get off
0:09:43 > 0:09:47and go into the post office and it is, "Cashier number four, please."
0:09:47 > 0:09:50It is like you are being robbed by the post office.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Andrew's team, your town now. Here's your first clue.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Legend has it that this town's castle was
0:09:58 > 0:10:01protected by a faithful wolfhound.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05OK, we accept this.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07It'll be something to do with Setanta.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09I am just going to throw a second fact at you.
0:10:09 > 0:10:15According to this sign, the town has at least three leisure facilities.
0:10:15 > 0:10:21Jet skiing, a nature reserve and a torpedo platform. Any idea, guys?
0:10:21 > 0:10:24I always thought a torpedo platform was just called a submarine.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27- Do you want your final clue?- Yes.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30The town's leisure centre has hosted heavy metal legends
0:10:30 > 0:10:35Megadeth, Danzig, Dio and Metallica.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40- Hugo, have you played with Metallica?- Three times.
0:10:40 > 0:10:41Yeah?
0:10:41 > 0:10:43LAUGHTER
0:10:43 > 0:10:46They believed you! You said it with so much confidence.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Who is Metallica?
0:10:49 > 0:10:52- You know Metallica.- I...
0:10:52 > 0:10:55# Exit life
0:10:55 > 0:10:58# Enter night
0:10:58 > 0:11:02# Take my hand
0:11:02 > 0:11:06We're off to Never Never Land Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh. #
0:11:06 > 0:11:10- Nothing?- Not a chance.- It is somewhere on the coast.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14- It has a castle.- Have a guess.- Antrim town?
0:11:14 > 0:11:16- It's not on the coast, though, is it?- Good point.
0:11:16 > 0:11:21- Ballycastle is on the coast.- We want to say Ballycastle.- Ballycastle. No.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25The answer is Antrim.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27CROWD GROANS
0:11:27 > 0:11:32- How can that be?- It was a lake. - Damn you, lake!
0:11:32 > 0:11:35- Damn freshwater mini sea. - Is Antrim in County Antrim?
0:11:35 > 0:11:37It is, isn't it?
0:11:37 > 0:11:41- Kathy, can you give us directions in your best sat nav voice?- To Antrim?
0:11:41 > 0:11:46- Yes.- In 50 miles, turn around.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48LAUGHTER
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Lock your doors and keep going.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54The winner of that round is Jimeoin's team.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57APPLAUSE
0:11:58 > 0:12:00For this round,
0:12:00 > 0:12:04I want you to think back to a Northern Ireland of days gone by.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08I want each of you to nominate something, anything at all,
0:12:08 > 0:12:11that is now missing from modern Northern Ireland.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13OK, Hugo, what are you going to nominate?
0:12:13 > 0:12:16I miss the key being left in the front door
0:12:16 > 0:12:20and people able to walk in and out of people's homes.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- Not just be sitting around?- You could even go and put on the kettle.
0:12:25 > 0:12:29- Really?- Just go in and someone says, "Och, it's yourself."
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Yes, it is my house, mate!
0:12:34 > 0:12:38Do any of you guys remember keys being left in the door?
0:12:38 > 0:12:43- He's winding you up.- I'm not! - We never had doors growing up.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45LAUGHTER
0:12:45 > 0:12:47There was a woman used to come round to our house
0:12:47 > 0:12:50and she'd come into the front room and have a cup of tea with me
0:12:50 > 0:12:53mam, stay 5 minutes and then say, "I have got to go now." She would
0:12:53 > 0:12:58leave and then talk to my mother for about two hours at the doorway.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01You can get away from somebody at the doorway if it gets...
0:13:01 > 0:13:05Do you ever go to the toilet just to get away from people?
0:13:06 > 0:13:10I often carry two drinks just to get away from people.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18When I go to the toilet, I always use the cubicle
0:13:18 > 0:13:20because if you walk in, somebody will know you,
0:13:20 > 0:13:24and he's standing there going, "Och, Hugo, how you doing?"
0:13:24 > 0:13:29So now I always going into the cubicle all the time. It's safer.
0:13:29 > 0:13:30Cleaner.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34And the doors are open. "Oh, it's yourself."
0:13:34 > 0:13:36LAUGHTER
0:13:40 > 0:13:43- Jimeoin, what would you like to bring back?- Bad DIY.
0:13:44 > 0:13:49You know, just like the hot tap would be the cold tap.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52My wife came over and she's from Australia and she goes, "I can't get
0:13:52 > 0:13:54"the toilet to flush."
0:13:54 > 0:13:57She thought you just did it once but you have to...
0:13:58 > 0:14:02She'd never... We'd a dodgy tap that made that noise.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Ee-haa!
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Ee-haa!
0:14:07 > 0:14:10That is cold water going through the tap.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Warm water has a different noise
0:14:12 > 0:14:16and then subsequently you can hear the approach of the warm water.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Ah-huuuh!
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Andrew, what do you want to bring back?
0:14:28 > 0:14:33I would like to bring back when foreigners seemed exotic.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38Up until about 15 years ago there was nobody else in Ireland.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40There was only us.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44We knew eventually some foreigners would show up.
0:14:45 > 0:14:51We had all the necessary hatred in our hearts. So we...
0:14:52 > 0:14:55So what we did was we basically split ourselves into two teams
0:14:55 > 0:14:58and just practised for the last 400 years.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:15:05 > 0:15:09- Kathy, you're up next.- I would like to bring back home bakeries.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11I don't know where they've all gone.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13A friend of mine who lives in London, who's from Northern Ireland
0:15:13 > 0:15:14but doesn't often come back.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17She said to me one time when I was coming over here,
0:15:17 > 0:15:19would I bring her back some Paris buns.
0:15:19 > 0:15:20I searched high and low,
0:15:20 > 0:15:25had to ring round bakeries trying to find a Paris bun. Times have changed.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29- Bring back the bakeries. - What is a Paris bun?- Beautiful.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31- Oh, they're lovely, aren't they?- Beautiful.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34- You can't just say beautiful. - It's like...
0:15:34 > 0:15:37I have been to Paris and that is beautiful.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40But you haven't seen the bun!
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Sort of plain but nice. Nice with a cup of tea.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44I am listening to you and because it is Radio 4,
0:15:44 > 0:15:47I have a face that I do for Radio 4 which is...
0:15:50 > 0:15:55- The radio's on in the background. - Your intelligent face.- I think it is!
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Micky, what do you want to bring back?
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Running around playgrounds.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05As a kid, not a grown-up!
0:16:07 > 0:16:11I won't just turn up, "Come on, kids!"
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Do you remember we used to play like British Bulldogs?
0:16:14 > 0:16:16If you don't know what that is, basically,
0:16:16 > 0:16:19one team stands on this side, one team stands on this side.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22You run in the middle and beat the living crap out of each other.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25And then obviously someone started putting claims in for their kids
0:16:25 > 0:16:27because wee Johnny lost a tooth and he was six,
0:16:27 > 0:16:30he was going to lose it anyway, so I don't know why they're claiming,
0:16:30 > 0:16:33and then you weren't allowed to run. It got really confusing for grown-ups
0:16:33 > 0:16:36because you know your parents used to say, "Go outside with the traffic?"
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Or, "Go on outside and like run around a field," or something?
0:16:39 > 0:16:42Once those things stopped happening, like my ma once said,
0:16:42 > 0:16:44"Go on outside and play with yourself."
0:16:46 > 0:16:49- And you did! - The letters of complaint we got...
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Do you remember when a dog would get into a playground?
0:16:56 > 0:17:00Oh, the excitement.
0:17:01 > 0:17:06Just squealing with delight. "It's a dog!"
0:17:06 > 0:17:11The dog is chasing you and you're chasing the dog. Oh...
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Do you get excited when you see a fox?
0:17:15 > 0:17:18I do get excited when I see a fox, every single time.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21I was in the car on my own. I went, "Fox!"
0:17:21 > 0:17:25I was breathing and everything.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Michael Smiley, what's your pick?
0:17:27 > 0:17:31Smoking. Proper old school smoking in secret when I was a kid.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33You smoke like that, or smoke like that in case anybody
0:17:33 > 0:17:36was coming so you could put your hand in your pocket.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- Could you do the rings?- It was that.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45You moved your head backwards and forwards like a demented chicken.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50And it would force it down. If you got a big one, you'd go...
0:17:50 > 0:17:54You popped that out and you could fire the wee ones through it.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57A mate of mine couldn't read, couldn't write,
0:17:57 > 0:18:00could play keepy-uppy all afternoon
0:18:00 > 0:18:04and could do, with one draw of a Number Ten, the Olympic rings.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09- One up, one down, one up, one down.- Oh, wow.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14I'm going to award that round to Jimeoin's team.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16APPLAUSE
0:18:19 > 0:18:23Northern Ireland is full of unsung heroes,
0:18:23 > 0:18:27people doing amazing things that we never hear about.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30But can our teams work out what they've done?
0:18:30 > 0:18:35Please welcome tonight 's mystery Monumental guest, Shane McKeever.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Shane is a current world champion.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49But can you guess what he is the champion of?
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Is it a sporting activity?
0:18:51 > 0:18:54Yeah, I would consider it a sporting activity.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57I don't care whether you consider it, would other people?
0:18:57 > 0:19:01- Yeah, sporting activity. - Does it happen indoors?- Yes.
0:19:01 > 0:19:05Your first clue is a newspaper headline, and here it is.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- Oh, Taiwan. That gives it away.- Hugo.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17What do you call that wee thing that you pop up into the cup?
0:19:17 > 0:19:20What do you call that game?
0:19:20 > 0:19:22- Tiddlywinks.- Tiddlywinks!
0:19:22 > 0:19:24No, no.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27- Is it a martial art?- No, it's not.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30- Does it have a bat?- No.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32- Do you fire ping-pong balls?- No!
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Sorry, that's Thailand.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Oh, right, OK.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40Give us another clue.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44It can be done in a group but I do it alone.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Is it one man synchronised swimming?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50No, unfortunately it's not.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51Here's your final clue, guys.
0:19:51 > 0:19:56In Shane's event, as long as the boots and hat are on, anything goes.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- Line dancing!- What?
0:19:59 > 0:20:01- Line dancing. - Yep.- Yes!
0:20:06 > 0:20:11Shane McKeever is currently the world champion line dancer.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17How did you get into line dancing?
0:20:17 > 0:20:21When I was three, my dad and my uncles used to do it,
0:20:21 > 0:20:24back when it was really big, back at the start of the '90s,
0:20:24 > 0:20:26and they took me along to a competition
0:20:26 > 0:20:29and I started dancing and they just kept bringing me back.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- Do you like country music?- Yeah, I love country music. Absolutely.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35How do you feel about what's happened to Miley Cyrus?
0:20:36 > 0:20:39It's what country does to some people.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43Jimeoin, Michael, cos you guys lost, come over and get your hats.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Here you go, mate. That's yours.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Jimeoin...
0:20:48 > 0:20:49here's yours.
0:20:53 > 0:20:54And it is time...
0:21:02 > 0:21:04It is time to get your line dance on.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11This is the scene that was cut from Brokeback Mountain.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16OK, Shane, you show us how it's done.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Guys, you watch carefully, cos you're up next.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21MUSIC: "Rock Around The Clock" by Bill Haley
0:21:30 > 0:21:33MUSIC: "Play Hard" by David Guetta ft. Ne-Yo and Akon
0:21:44 > 0:21:47We've got to follow that?
0:21:47 > 0:21:49You've got to do EXACTLY that.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53OK, let's see the worst rendition of Footloose ever.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56SONG: "Rock Around The Clock"
0:22:04 > 0:22:06SONG: "Play Hard"
0:22:26 > 0:22:30Well done, Shane. Well done. Give it up for Shane, everybody!
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Thanks, buddy!
0:22:35 > 0:22:39It's time to pay tribute to this show's monumental guest -
0:22:39 > 0:22:42a successful country and western recording artists,
0:22:42 > 0:22:45DJ on the BBC for three decades,
0:22:45 > 0:22:50and the uncle of every single person in Northern Ireland,
0:22:50 > 0:22:52and THAT is a fact.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Ladies and gentleman, Hugo Duncan!
0:23:06 > 0:23:08My feet won't touch the ground.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17It looks like one of them really well dressed baby portraits.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21OK, here we go.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Hugo Duncan, you're a national treasure,
0:23:24 > 0:23:27but there was a time when this man from Strabane
0:23:27 > 0:23:29was really very wee.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32AUDIENCE: Aww!
0:23:32 > 0:23:34A face you'd never tire of slapping.
0:23:35 > 0:23:36From my understanding,
0:23:36 > 0:23:39it was about that time that that photo was taken that you had
0:23:39 > 0:23:42a job crossing international borders as a bike messenger.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44That's right.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46My godmother lived just below me and she smoked a cigarette,
0:23:46 > 0:23:49Sweet Afton, and I used to go out delivering it on my bicycle...
0:23:49 > 0:23:52over the border, and get the cigarettes,
0:23:52 > 0:23:55and get two 20 packets, which, to me, was a big thing,
0:23:55 > 0:23:57and put them round my shorts.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59And because I was so fat coming back on the wee bike,
0:23:59 > 0:24:02the cigarette packets were sticking out at the back,
0:24:02 > 0:24:04and the next day I went over again,
0:24:04 > 0:24:06and the custom man called me over and said,
0:24:06 > 0:24:10"Hugo, you had cigarettes with you yesterday." I took a redneck.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12I was good at it.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14- Yeah. - I was a great man on a bicycle.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20So, you were working in a nylon factory back in Strabane
0:24:20 > 0:24:22when you quit your day job and went full time
0:24:22 > 0:24:24with your band The Tall Men
0:24:24 > 0:24:26and you never looked back.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30That's them. That's the very first photograph of the band.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33If I had that bunch behind me, I wouldn't look back either.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40You play a lot of gigs, is what I've been told.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42- I would do maybe a couple of gigs a week.- You love it?
0:24:42 > 0:24:46I do love it and I love getting away for a couple of days to Spain
0:24:46 > 0:24:48and doing an odd couple of days over there.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51I was away three times last month, and it's just enjoyable
0:24:51 > 0:24:54getting away, and it's enjoyable doing what you enjoy doing.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59How many cigarettes do you smuggle back from Spain?
0:25:05 > 0:25:09And I heard that you always put on a show, no matter what.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12# When the clouds began to gather
0:25:12 > 0:25:14# And the thunder it did roar
0:25:14 > 0:25:15- # Barney McShane - # Barney McShane
0:25:15 > 0:25:18# Came down the lane... # 'That's my daughter.'
0:25:18 > 0:25:20# It was just as he was passing by the widow Dolan's door
0:25:20 > 0:25:22- # What do you think? - What do you think?
0:25:22 > 0:25:24# It began to pour
0:25:24 > 0:25:25# She threw her shawl around her
0:25:25 > 0:25:27# Ran out to the gate
0:25:27 > 0:25:30# Shouted, "Barney, darling, won't you wait?"
0:25:30 > 0:25:32# Arrah, come in out of the rain
0:25:32 > 0:25:34# Barney McShane. #
0:25:35 > 0:25:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:38 > 0:25:40I kept dancing about the stage,
0:25:40 > 0:25:42and the more I danced about the stage,
0:25:42 > 0:25:44the stage kept going down into the ground.
0:25:45 > 0:25:46It started to sink, it was soaking!
0:25:46 > 0:25:49But we survived it, but you wouldn't be doing it nowadays
0:25:49 > 0:25:51because Health & Safety would say stop.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Crazy, crazy Health & Safety,
0:25:53 > 0:25:57not allowing people to have electricity in a rain storm(!)
0:25:57 > 0:25:59LAUGHTER
0:26:01 > 0:26:04So, Hugo, you get yourself a TV show, and, finally,
0:26:04 > 0:26:07the opportunity to chill out in a cushy studio.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11But, no, you went for the most travelled show on local TV,
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Town Challenge.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15CHEERING AND SHOUTING
0:26:15 > 0:26:18Easy! Easy! Whoa!
0:26:19 > 0:26:21We got the talent! We got...!
0:26:23 > 0:26:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- Were they throwing bricks at you there?- They threw everything at me.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33We had a good time, it was a good...
0:26:33 > 0:26:37We had a right few seasons of it, and it worked, it was simple, it worked,
0:26:37 > 0:26:41and there was no brain surgery there, it was just straightforward.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44- Not even after getting hit by a brick?- No!
0:26:44 > 0:26:45LAUGHTER
0:26:45 > 0:26:49You, my friend, have achieved cult status around here,
0:26:49 > 0:26:51and you've travelled a bit as well.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Here you are on Radio One with Greg James.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56He is such a nice lad. They come over here all the time
0:26:56 > 0:26:58and they ask to come onto the programme.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00We were just delighted to have him.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03- I think they like the ould banter. - Yeah.- D'you know what banter is?
0:27:03 > 0:27:07I love the banter, mate. We've been having it all night long.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09He's coming round, isn't he?
0:27:09 > 0:27:10Coming round to your place.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12LAUGHTER
0:27:14 > 0:27:18Hugo, you've been a legend in these parts, but the last word goes
0:27:18 > 0:27:22to one of your biggest fans, Radio One's Philly Taggart.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Hugo, this is magnificent.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Congratulations on your Monumental status.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29Some people will know you for being the man on the radio,
0:27:29 > 0:27:32some people will know you for being the performer in the show bands.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35In my heart, you are the bringer of Bounty bars.
0:27:35 > 0:27:39Every Friday you would get sent in a shopping bag full of Bounty bars and
0:27:39 > 0:27:43then walk around and look at all the hung-over faces across the line,
0:27:43 > 0:27:45with me and Riggsy and Paul, and you'd just go,
0:27:45 > 0:27:47"D'you want two fingers or d'you want three fingers?!
0:27:47 > 0:27:48"Go on, you'll take three fingers!
0:27:48 > 0:27:52"Look at you, you're only a wee skitter of a pup! Come on, eat up!"
0:27:52 > 0:27:55Hugo, you are the reason I've gained a stone,
0:27:55 > 0:27:57and I love you for it.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00Hugo Duncan, skeel-eedle-eedle-idle, eedle-deedle-daddle-bye!
0:28:00 > 0:28:02LAUGHTER, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Ladies and gentlemen, the man, the legend,
0:28:09 > 0:28:13Hugo Duncan, you are Monumental!
0:28:13 > 0:28:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:25 > 0:28:27And the winners are...
0:28:27 > 0:28:28Andrew's team!
0:28:29 > 0:28:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:33 > 0:28:37Thanks to Jimeoin, Michael Smiley and Kathy Clugston,
0:28:37 > 0:28:38Andrew Maxwell, Micky Bartlett
0:28:38 > 0:28:41and the fantastically Monumental Hugo Duncan!
0:28:43 > 0:28:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:45 > 0:28:47I've been Jarred Christmas,
0:28:47 > 0:28:51and you lovely people of Northern Ireland have been truly Monumental.
0:28:51 > 0:28:52Good night.