0:00:02 > 0:00:05This is the family home of EastEnders star Natalie Cassidy.
0:00:05 > 0:00:09# Oh young hearts run free
0:00:09 > 0:00:14# Never be hung up Hung up like my man and me. #
0:00:14 > 0:00:18- PHONE RINGS - Nat!
0:00:18 > 0:00:20Natalie!
0:00:23 > 0:00:24Nat! Phone.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28- What? - Phone.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Sorry, Cat, I was just doing a quick disco clean.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32You're so selfish.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38Hello, Cassidy household. Natalie Cassidy speaking.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Nat, Vinnie. Have you signed your contract yet?
0:00:41 > 0:00:42No, not yet, Vin.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45Haven't had a chance to get on my e-mail and print it off.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48- Dad's been hogging the laptop, as per.- Right.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Look, I've heard from an insider that they've booked the black cab
0:00:51 > 0:00:53for an EastEnders shoot day in a couple of weeks.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56What? Not THE black cab!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Not the stunt cab.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Yes, that cab.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Oh, you're double joking.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05I double ain't. I've done some digging, and they've also scheduled
0:01:05 > 0:01:08a night shoot with the rain machine.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10- No!- And that camera that spins up into the air.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13No, not the crane! You know what this means, don't ya?
0:01:13 > 0:01:18- Yes, Nat.- It means that a much-loved character is going to get run over,
0:01:18 > 0:01:22and another much-loved character is going to scream, "Noooo!"
0:01:22 > 0:01:24- into the sky. - Look, there's no reason to think
0:01:24 > 0:01:25it's going to be Sonia.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29But you need to get that contract printed and signed ASAP.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31- Do you hear me? - Yeah, yeah.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34'Course. I'll do it now, and come up London to drop it off
0:01:34 > 0:01:36while Dad's having his siesta before The Chase.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39All right. Don't worry, Nat. It'll be fine.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44Bloody hell.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Oh, bloody hell.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51I can't afford to get hit by the stunt taxi.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Dad's still on the sick,
0:01:53 > 0:01:57and Cat's modelling career isn't quite pulling in the big money yet.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59SHE SIGHS
0:01:59 > 0:02:01I'm sure 'Enders wouldn't kill me off though.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04It would be nuts to go to all that bother of writing a new
0:02:04 > 0:02:08lesbian Sonia contract to then run me over with a stunt cab,
0:02:08 > 0:02:09wouldn't it?
0:02:10 > 0:02:11Don't you think?
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Dad, are you going to be much longer on your poker?
0:02:43 > 0:02:46Only I just need to print me contract off.
0:02:46 > 0:02:50Dad, are you going to be much longer on your poker?
0:02:50 > 0:02:51Dad!
0:02:52 > 0:02:53Dad!
0:02:55 > 0:02:56Ew. What are you listening to that for?
0:02:56 > 0:03:00I'm not listening to it, am I? It's just like this.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Oh, you're mega joking. Let's have a look.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06- When did this happen? - Last night, Nat.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Last night. Why didn't you tell me?
0:03:09 > 0:03:10Well, I thought it might fix itself.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12And anyway, I thought you'd do this.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- Do what? - Blame it on me.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17I didn't even click on nothing.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19I ain't even clicked on nothing.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23It looks like my dad's been clicking on free iPad links again.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26I ain't even clicked on nothing!
0:03:26 > 0:03:28I have told him there's no such thing as a free iPad,
0:03:28 > 0:03:30but he ain't having it.
0:03:30 > 0:03:31What? On the whole of the internet?
0:03:31 > 0:03:34No such thing as a free iPad?
0:03:34 > 0:03:36I ain't having it.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Oh, I think it's got a virus.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Oh, well, if it's just a virus, that's all right, ain't it, Nat?
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Like me when I had the noro.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46Just a few days of runny bum and I was better.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Virus is just a word they say for laptops.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51It's not the same as the squits.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53What did it do when it went funny?
0:03:53 > 0:03:57Nothing. Loads of boxes opened on the screen.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00Then it went mental, and a noise started.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02VEHICLE APPROACHES
0:04:02 > 0:04:03That's strange.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Tesco's delivery van.
0:04:05 > 0:04:06What are they doing here?
0:04:06 > 0:04:09We don't do deliveries no more, too many substitutions.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Ain't got nothing to do with me.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16Dad, was one of the boxes that popped up the Tesco's site?
0:04:16 > 0:04:17I don't know.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20Might have been.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Yeah.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Oh, Dad!
0:04:27 > 0:04:29What are we going to do with you, eh?
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Hello, mate. We haven't actually ordered anything.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40We think there's been a mistake with the computer.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43- Natalie. - Carl!
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Carl Rigsby from school.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Natalie Cassidy from EastEnders and The Health Lottery.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- Someone's come up a bit, haven't they?- Oh.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54God, I ain't seen you since...
0:04:54 > 0:04:57- Well...- Since you dumped me on the last day of school.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Yeah, sorry, Carl.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01I didn't want to be tied down before I went Fuengirola.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05That's all right. I was a bit gutted at the time, but I understood.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Oh, thanks, Carl.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11Yeah. Oh, and I'm sorry for drawing them nipples on your leaving shirt.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13I never meant for it to look like
0:05:13 > 0:05:16- your tits were outside your clothes.- Oh, don't matter.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17I thought it was funny.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Well, better get this lot in.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24But that's what I was saying, you see.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Dad never meant to order nothing.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29The laptop's gone funny. We think it's got a virus.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33Oh, right. I thought it was a weird order.
0:05:33 > 0:05:34Why, what is it?
0:05:34 > 0:05:39Oh, right. 14 bags of curly kale, 14 pocket torches,
0:05:39 > 0:05:4114 chimp outfits ages 6-7, and a whole fresh salmon.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Oh, you're mega joking!
0:05:43 > 0:05:46- Oh, what? Don't you want it? - No chance.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Me Dad'll kick right off if he sees a fish that looks like a fish.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51It freaks him out.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53And he don't even eat cabbage, let alone kale.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Can't you take it all back and get me a refund, Carl?
0:05:56 > 0:05:59- For me?- I would if I could, but I'm not allowed, Nat.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Once the order's gone through, you have to accept it,
0:06:02 > 0:06:04and then go through customer services.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Oh, bloody hell.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Sorry, Nat. Where do you want it?
0:06:09 > 0:06:12No, you get off, Carl. Just leave it on the drive.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15- I'll take it in.- Do you know any kids that like chimpanzees?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Not 14 of them, no.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21Sign there.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31- Ta. - OK.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Maybe we'll see each other again, eh?
0:06:33 > 0:06:34I'm afraid not.
0:06:34 > 0:06:39It's my last day. They're reducing the fleet by one.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Oh, right.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42I'm sorry to hear that.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44- Anything else lined up? - No.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Oh, well.
0:06:48 > 0:06:49Be lucky, Nat. Ta-ta.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59Yeah. Bye, Carl.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05I don't care if it's superfood, I'm not eating it.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Well, you can at least have a go, Dad.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09And what's this? Fish that looks like fish?
0:07:09 > 0:07:13That's disgusting! Fish is supposed to look like a shape.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16- I ain't eating that, neither. - You don't have to eat it.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17It's all going back.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Well, what am I going to eat, then?
0:07:19 > 0:07:23Once I've got all this lot in and I phoned the headquarters whatsit,
0:07:23 > 0:07:26I'll go up to the big shop to get you some bits in.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29- Chicken chargrills.- Yeah, I'll get you your chargrills in.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Nat, what the bloody hell is going on?
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Dad's laptop's got a virus and done an online shop by accident.
0:07:35 > 0:07:39Bleeding state of the place! Kale and torches everywhere.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41It's like a vegetarian Aladdin's Cave.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45And it stinks of fish. This is the last thing I need.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47You know Glenn the photographer's coming today.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51Yeah, well, Glenn might like fish, Cat. Some people do.
0:07:51 > 0:07:52I need you to clear this mess up.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55You'd better not ruin my day, Natalie.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01Here, Cat, you couldn't watch Dad for a bit, could you?
0:08:01 > 0:08:04I could do with taking the laptop up to the computer shop
0:08:04 > 0:08:05to get it fixed.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09No? Never mind.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Oh, well, Dad, you're going to have to come with me.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13I don't want to.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Well, we ain't got no choice. We need the laptop fixed.
0:08:16 > 0:08:17Go and get your trainers on.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20DOORBELL RINGS Oh, hang about.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22It's like Piccadilly Circus round here today.
0:08:22 > 0:08:23Who's that's now?
0:08:25 > 0:08:26What you looking at?
0:08:31 > 0:08:33- Hello, again. - Carl!
0:08:33 > 0:08:36It's your order, Nat. It's gone through again.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Oh, bleeding hack. Not the same?
0:08:39 > 0:08:4214 bags of curly kale, 14 pocket torches,
0:08:42 > 0:08:4514 chimp outfits ages 6-7, and a whole fresh salmon.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49- Same. - Oh, you're triple mega joking.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50No, I'm not.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Right. Well, that's the second lot of shopping then.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59This is a living nightmare, Nat.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02You need to phone that headquarters whatsit.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04I done that, but they said that Debbie from refunds
0:09:04 > 0:09:06ain't back till tomorrow, cos their little boy
0:09:06 > 0:09:08projectiled all across the dinner hall.
0:09:08 > 0:09:12First me laptop, and now this. This is a living nightmare.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13What are we going to do?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Well, first off, I've got to go up to the computer shop
0:09:15 > 0:09:17to get the laptop fixed.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20But someone's got to stay here in case we get another delivery.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23And Cat's busy with Glenn the photographer, so...
0:09:23 > 0:09:27No way, I'm not staying here on my own with those fish out there.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28They've got faces on.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32And if people come, I can't talk to them. You know that, Nat.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36- It's all right, Dad. - And I'm hungry!
0:09:36 > 0:09:40And my poker's not working. I've had enough, Nat.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Where you going, Dad? Come back.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47I'll think of something.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50Dad! DOOR SLAMS
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Well, it's turned into a right old day, innit?
0:09:57 > 0:10:00So far, me dad's clocked up an online shopping bill
0:10:00 > 0:10:04for God knows how much. I've got no laptop to print me
0:10:04 > 0:10:08lesbian Sonia contract off, and to top it all off,
0:10:08 > 0:10:12I've got 28 bags of kale, 28 torches,
0:10:12 > 0:10:1728 chimp masks, and two salmon that no-one will touch.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Nat, why the hell has Dad locked himself in the loo?
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Glenn's going to be here any minute.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Oh, my God. What is this?
0:10:25 > 0:10:27I'm embarrassed to be in this family.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30How am I supposed to cultivate my image with all this shit everywhere?
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Don't worry, Cat, I'll keep it all out of sight for you.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35And you better get Dad out of that bathroom.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37Where's Glenn going to go if he needs to go?
0:10:37 > 0:10:40- Garden? - No, Natalie.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42He's a semi-professional photographer.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Oh, sorry.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46I didn't realise he was semi-professional.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48That's great, Cat.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50He specialises in the catalogue market.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52- Wow.- When Glenn spotted me, he said I was
0:10:52 > 0:10:54"girl next door meets high street chic",
0:10:54 > 0:10:56which, it turns out,
0:10:56 > 0:10:58is exactly what he's looking for.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Well, you do have a lovely way about you.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02- I know. - DOORBELL RINGS
0:11:02 > 0:11:04I'll get that. It'll probably be Carl.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06- Who? - Shopping delivery man.
0:11:10 > 0:11:11Oh, hello, I'm Natalie.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13You're Natalie Cassidy.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14Yeah, I know.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16You must be Glenn, the photographer.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19All right, Natalie. I'll take it from here, thank you very much.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Hello, Glenn, darling. Just go round the garage,
0:11:21 > 0:11:22I'll open the big door for you.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Perfect. I've got quite a lot of equipment to set up.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27Lights and that. I might need five minutes.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Well, you take all the time you need, Glenn, darling.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Oh, Cat. Quite a lot of equipment.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36I told you he was proper.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43- Dad. - What?
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Cat's photographer is here.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48You need to come out in case he needs to go toilet.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Can't he go in the garden if he needs to go toilet?
0:11:51 > 0:11:55Dad, he's semi-professional. Can't you just come out?
0:11:55 > 0:11:58I'll come out when me chicken chargrills are ready.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01We ain't got any chicken chargrills.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04- What we got, then? - You know what we've got.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07- Kale. - I ain't coming out for kale.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12I'm on a hunger strike till I get me chargrills.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14DOORBELL RINGS Oh, bleeding hell.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- Wait there, Dad. - I ain't going nowhere.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18I know.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24We've got to stop meeting like this.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27- Same again? - Oh, same again, yeah.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Oh, you're double mega joking to the power of nine.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Except there's been a substitution this time.
0:12:32 > 0:12:33You had all the salmons,
0:12:33 > 0:12:37so this time they substituted it for two whole sea bass.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41Two? I didn't even want one. It's them kind of substitutions
0:12:41 > 0:12:44that put me off all this in the first place.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Come on, I'll get it all off the van for you, eh?
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Cheers, Carl, that's so nice of you.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58They say that every cloud has a silver lining, don't they?
0:12:59 > 0:13:02And I suppose that seeing Carl again is a silver lining
0:13:02 > 0:13:06to my cloud of the kale and the chimps and the torches
0:13:06 > 0:13:09and the salmon and the sea bass.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11And the laptop.
0:13:11 > 0:13:12And the Sonia contract.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Right, well, thanks for your help, Carl.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19I hopefully won't be seeing you again, eh?
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Oh, I just mean, you know, the deliveries.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Funny seeing you again though, eh?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28- Yeah.- I suppose we met when we were too young.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Yeah, we was kids, really.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34It's different now when a fella goes out with me.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38I think they want me, but actually a lot of them just want Sonia.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41And when it comes down to it, not many people could cope with
0:13:41 > 0:13:44living in her shadow, I can tell you.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46I suppose we're from different worlds now, eh?
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Sort of. Yeah.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55But actually, when you think about it...
0:13:55 > 0:13:56- DAD:- Nat!
0:13:58 > 0:13:59Coming!
0:14:01 > 0:14:02Better go.
0:14:02 > 0:14:03Yeah.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- Who was that? - It was another delivery.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Not more bloody fish.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27'Fraid so.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29This hunger strike's making me starving.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Didn't he have any chargrills on his van?
0:14:31 > 0:14:33I didn't ask him, Dad.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36- Why not? - I didn't think.
0:14:36 > 0:14:37And he's gone now.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40DOORBELL RINGS Oh, no, hang on! He's back!
0:14:40 > 0:14:42He's back! I'll ask him!
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Go on, girl.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47We need to talk.
0:14:49 > 0:14:53- I can't believe it.- We should sign it. It's better than not signing.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Is it, though, Vin? My character not speaking for two years?
0:14:56 > 0:14:59- It's still acting. - It's lying still.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01That's one of the hardest ones, lying still.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03But two years though, Vin.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05And who's to say she'll come out of it?
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Well, there is that. It's touch-and-go.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09When did you find out?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11I read the contract. It's in there.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Don't you always read my contracts?
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Honestly, no. I'm a very busy man, Natalie.
0:15:16 > 0:15:21SHE SIGHS Minimal appearances, minimal wages.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24I can't be having this. I hold the fort together.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27I know you do, sweetheart, and it ain't right. They need to muck in.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Your old man not worked for three years because he ran a dog over.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- Where is he now? - He's in the khazi on hunger strike.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35What? With two whole salmon and two whole sea bass sitting here?
0:15:35 > 0:15:39- What's wrong with him?- He prefers his fish in shapes, Vin.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41What about your sister? What's she doing?
0:15:41 > 0:15:43She's having catalogue pictures done in the garage.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Do what? In the garage?
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Yeah. She's in there with Glenn, the photographer.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49He's semi-professional.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Is he, now? Good luck with that.
0:15:51 > 0:15:52Right, let's get this done.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Oh, dear.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Oh, yeah. That's it.
0:16:04 > 0:16:09Keep it coming. That's great. Lovely.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Lovely. Top drawer.
0:16:13 > 0:16:14Oh, great.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Right, now, let's step it up a bit.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Do some stuff aimed more at the catalogue market.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21OK, you're the boss, Glenn.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23- Pick up that bucket. - What?
0:16:23 > 0:16:25That bucket. Pick it up.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29Right, then. Give us a smile.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Oh, look at that. Look at you. There you are.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34There's Cat. Lovely.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Smashing. She's come out to play.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Lovely. You're a natural.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41That is one naughty bucket.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43What's in your dirty bucket, eh?
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Sponge.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50No. No. That's not going to work. Erm...
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Let's try that shovel over there.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57Yeah. Look at you and your bad, bad shovel.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02Yeah, that filthy shovel's making you hot, isn't it?
0:17:04 > 0:17:06No, no, no. That's not going to work either.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Listen, I don't want to make any promises,
0:17:09 > 0:17:11but I got a big job coming up, and...
0:17:11 > 0:17:14Well, I think I can sell you in for it.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Oh, you're joking. That would be amazing. I'd be so grateful.
0:17:17 > 0:17:18Have you heard of Midas Mart?
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- No.- It's pretty much the Malaysian Argos.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Oh. That sounds big.
0:17:23 > 0:17:24It is, Cat.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28Malaysia's bloody massive. Midas Marts everywhere.
0:17:28 > 0:17:29Ooh, that sounds great.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Yeah, good. So, why don't we try a couple of neutral shots?
0:17:33 > 0:17:34OK.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Sorry, Glenn.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Remind me, what are neutral shots again?
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Blank ones.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47Plain. Like, same as this, but...
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Well, just take your clothes off,
0:17:49 > 0:17:51you know, just for this bit.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53- What? Like nude? - No, no, no, no.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55They're not nude. They're neutral.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59See, the way it works is I take a photo of you without your clothes on
0:17:59 > 0:18:00and what they do in Malaysia is
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Photoshop the outfits onto you, see?
0:18:03 > 0:18:05It just saves time, getting changed.
0:18:05 > 0:18:09All that jive. I mean, there's about 4,000 outfits.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12I'm not sure I want to take all my clothes off.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14- Oh, don't be daft. - It's just how they do things now.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Green screen, they call it. Yeah.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Just like Lord Of The Rings.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23It's the future. If you're not ready for the future, Cat...
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Oh, no, no, no. Of course I am, Glenn.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29Great. Pop your kit off while I put some Vaseline on the lens.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Cat. It's Nat.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40I made you and Glenn a cup of char.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Thanks, we're just in the middle of things at the moment.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Here, let me in to put the tray down.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46There we go.
0:18:48 > 0:18:49Everything all right, Cat?
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Yes. Fine thank you, Natalie.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53You can go now.
0:18:53 > 0:18:54How's it going, Glenn?
0:18:54 > 0:18:59Very, very well. I'd go as far as to say that your sister's a natural.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02Actually, as we're taking a break, is it OK if I use your facilities?
0:19:02 > 0:19:05No, I'm afraid. Dad's locked himself in the facilities
0:19:05 > 0:19:08on one of his hunger strikes. You'll have to use the garden.
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Oh, I'm so sorry, Glenn.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12God. This family.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15- It's no problem.- You can wash your hands in the kitchen.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17Will do.
0:19:20 > 0:19:21Are you sure you're all right, Cat?
0:19:21 > 0:19:24He's not making you do anything you don't want to do, is he?
0:19:24 > 0:19:27I ain't making gonzo porn, Natalie.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30I'm just having my neutrals done for the Malaysian Argos.
0:19:30 > 0:19:31Having your what done?
0:19:31 > 0:19:33God, Nat. Don't you know nothing?
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Neutrals is where you have your pictures taken without clothes on
0:19:36 > 0:19:40and then they put the clothes back on later in a photo shop.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43- Right. - You know, like in Lord Of The Rings.
0:19:43 > 0:19:44I ain't seen it, Cat.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47I can't be doing with films about goblins and wizards.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49- It ain't real. - Well, they do it in that.
0:19:49 > 0:19:50Well, OK.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Just as long as he's not using the photos for the phone line ads
0:19:53 > 0:19:55or the sex internet.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Glenn would never do that. He's a gentleman.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03HE FARTS
0:20:06 > 0:20:08HE SNIFFS
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Right. We do really need to get on with this, Cat.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12I've got three other potentials to see after you.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Yeah, yeah. Of course, Glenn. (Go.)
0:20:15 > 0:20:17DOORBELL RINGS Carl's back!
0:20:17 > 0:20:20- Who? - Never mind. Dad!
0:20:20 > 0:20:24Carl's back. I'll ask him to get you your chargrills.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Who the bloody hell's Carl?
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Right, then. That's your lot.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- Just sign here. - Right, my car's here.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34Back to the cold face of light entertainment.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36What the hell is all this stuff?
0:20:36 > 0:20:40Don't ask. Here, you don't have any spare chicken chargrills
0:20:40 > 0:20:43in your van for a damsel in distress, have you, darling?
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Have a little self-respect, love, eh?
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Right, Nat, I'm off.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Oh, here, before you go, Vinnie,
0:20:51 > 0:20:53could I ask your advice about neutrals?
0:20:53 > 0:20:54About what?
0:20:56 > 0:21:00Right, girl. I want you to imagine you're wearing the sexiest clothes
0:21:00 > 0:21:01you can think of.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Oh, hello, Dad. Good to see you're out the loo.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Sorry, mate. We're working here. This is a closed set.
0:21:11 > 0:21:12He's not my dad.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16Vincent Mann, Mann Management. I look after Cat's sister.
0:21:16 > 0:21:17Are you Glenn?
0:21:17 > 0:21:20- Yeah. - Sorry, didn't get your last name.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Littlewick. Glenn Littlewick.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25All right, Vinnie? There's not a problem, is there?
0:21:25 > 0:21:26No, no problem, Cat.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Just popped in because I heard Glenn's doing your neutrals
0:21:29 > 0:21:33- for the overseas market. - Yeah, that's right.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Which overseas market is that, then, Glenn?
0:21:35 > 0:21:38It's Malaysia, innit? Midas Mart.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Malaysia. Nice.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Hang on a sec, didn't Malaysia stop using neutrals?
0:21:44 > 0:21:47I'd have thought you'd know that that, Glenn, being a professional.
0:21:47 > 0:21:48Glenn's a semi-professional.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51That'll be it. Glenn's a SEMI-professional.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54The thing is, Glenn...Littlewick, I'm a professional.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57- Right.- And Malaysia have stopped using neutrals.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59I think they've made them illegal, actually.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02- Illegal? - Yes, Cat, illegal.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06Lucky for Glenn I popped in, because I know for a fact in Malaysia now,
0:22:06 > 0:22:10they use photos of beautiful girls like you, Cat, IN their clothes.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Oh, yeah. Yeah. I remember now.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15That does ring a bell.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Have you already got some snaps of Cat in her clothes?
0:22:17 > 0:22:19- He has. - Great. So, you're all done.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24- Yeah, I am. - All except for Cat's payment.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28Because you also remember, in Malaysia they pay 750 quid up front,
0:22:28 > 0:22:30- don't they? - How much?
0:22:30 > 0:22:34Yes. That's the going rate, Glenn Littlewick.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37- So, probably best if you pay Cat now, and get on your way.- Right.
0:22:39 > 0:22:40Lovely meeting you.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Bye, Glenn.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Take care, Cat.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49- All sorted, darling. - You all done, Cat?
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Fancy coming in and giving me a hand putting the kale away?
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Yeah, I'm all done now.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57I'll come and give you a hand.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02Hang about, the chest freezer!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04I can put all the salmon and the sea bass in the chest freezer
0:23:04 > 0:23:07until Debbie from refunds is back.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Oh, there's a touch!
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Chargrills!
0:23:12 > 0:23:142004?
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Ah, they'll be all right.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Don't know what you're talking about.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Don't worry about it. It's a long story.
0:23:20 > 0:23:25Dad, I got you two chargrills here. You can come out now.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27I don't believe you.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Well, sniff under the door then.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33How do I know they're chargrills are not crispy chicken?
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Cos they've got stripes on, Dad.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Well, I can't smell stripes, can I?
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Well, why don't you come out here and have a look at them, then?
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Cor! Where did you get them from?
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Did the shopping van man come back?
0:23:48 > 0:23:50No. He's gone forever, Dad.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Just have to accept that.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Well done, Nat. And they've gone back to making the big ones
0:23:56 > 0:24:00- like they used to. - Yeah. Funny that, eh?
0:24:02 > 0:24:05So, it all turned out all right in the end, didn't it?
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Cat didn't have to get her bits out for Glenn,
0:24:08 > 0:24:11and Dad got his chargrills. I'm chuffed for them.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15It's just a shame that I don't think I'll see Carl ever again.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18And lesbian Sonia's in a coma for the next two years.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22You can't have everything, can you?
0:24:33 > 0:24:38# The sun is out The sky is blue
0:24:38 > 0:24:41# There's not a cloud To spoil the view
0:24:41 > 0:24:44# But it's raining
0:24:46 > 0:24:48# Raining in my heart
0:24:51 > 0:24:56# The weatherman says clear today
0:24:56 > 0:25:00# He doesn't know you've gone away
0:25:00 > 0:25:02# And it's raining
0:25:04 > 0:25:07# Raining in my heart. #
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Na, na, na, na, na.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Carl!
0:25:19 > 0:25:23Carl! Carl, it's me! Natalie Cassidy!
0:25:23 > 0:25:25HORN BLARES Oh!
0:25:25 > 0:25:27BRAKES SQUEAL THUD
0:25:40 > 0:25:44PHONE RINGS
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Hello, Natalie Cassidy speaking.
0:25:46 > 0:25:47Are sitting down, Nat?
0:25:47 > 0:25:51Yeah, 'course I am. I've got concussion, ain't I?
0:25:51 > 0:25:55Well, that's all you got, girl. You're not going to be in a coma!
0:25:55 > 0:25:57- What?- Sonia's not going to get run down by the stunt cab.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00They're going to do Perry Fenwick instead!
0:26:00 > 0:26:05You are double triple double mega joking, Vin!
0:26:05 > 0:26:06Oh, you're the best agent in the world.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Oh, it was nothing to do with me, babe. You did it all yourself.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12- Did I?- Yeah, I mean once you got hit by a real taxi,
0:26:12 > 0:26:15they couldn't very well run you over with a fake one, could they?
0:26:15 > 0:26:17It would make them look like a right bunch of arseholes.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Especially with the national outpouring of love.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23Dad, did you hear that? I've got two more years of Sonia!
0:26:23 > 0:26:26I thought you had that already.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28- How's Cat getting on? - Yeah, she's good, you know.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31You won't believe it - she's only doing me disco cleaning for me!
0:26:31 > 0:26:35Great. Well, all's well that ends well, then.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38Yes, Vin. All's well that ends well.
0:26:38 > 0:26:39Spot on.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46# My head is in a spin My feet don't touch the ground
0:26:46 > 0:26:49# Because you're near to me My head goes round and round
0:26:49 > 0:26:54# My knees are shaking, baby My heart beats like a drum
0:26:57 > 0:27:01# It feels like It feels like I'm in love
0:27:04 > 0:27:09# My knees shake My heart beats like a drum. #