0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains some strong language
0:00:04 > 0:00:06Come on, come on! Come on, we're going to be late!
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Take it, take it, take the bread, let's go, let's go!
0:00:08 > 0:00:09Come on, come on, into the car!
0:00:09 > 0:00:11CHILDREN SQUABBLE Come on!
0:00:11 > 0:00:13HORNS BLARE Oh, God, come on!
0:00:13 > 0:00:14SHE GROANS
0:00:14 > 0:00:15HORN BLARES BOP-IT JANGLES
0:00:15 > 0:00:17- Stop it!- You stop it! - CHILDREN SHRIEK
0:00:18 > 0:00:20Give me. Stop it!
0:00:20 > 0:00:21Don't do that to your brother!
0:00:21 > 0:00:22Give me the Bop-it!
0:00:22 > 0:00:24CHILL OUT!
0:00:30 > 0:00:32You're late! So I'm going to be late.
0:00:32 > 0:00:33Go and find your book bag.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Where's the baby's trousers and other shoe?
0:00:36 > 0:00:39OK, one shoe's all I can manage,
0:00:39 > 0:00:41and he said he doesn't like trousers.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44So when am I going to meet this Debbie woman then?
0:00:44 > 0:00:47OK, it's not Debbie, it's Debbie-Louise,
0:00:47 > 0:00:49and she's not a woman, she's my partner.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52What? She went from zero to partner in three weeks?
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Didn't even have to climb the charts?
0:00:54 > 0:00:57- What is she, Ed Sheeran?- OK, well, you don't need to meet her.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Course I do! She's moved in!
0:00:59 > 0:01:00She's living in your home.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03If my kids are going to be using the same bathroom as her,
0:01:03 > 0:01:04then I want to meet her.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07- She could be a nutter. - I don't go out with nutters.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08What are you fucking talking about?
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Of course you do!
0:01:15 > 0:01:16- Hiya!- Hi!
0:01:19 > 0:01:20Morning.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25- You got time for a coffee? - No, sorry.
0:01:25 > 0:01:26Couples counselling today.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Oh, OK. Good luck with that.
0:01:29 > 0:01:30Oh, no, everything's fine.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32It's just preventative.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34We're rock solid, Jill and I.
0:01:34 > 0:01:35Although she disagrees.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38It's like physio or yoga.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41We're just doing it to keep the marriage supple.
0:01:42 > 0:01:43Oi, Gonzalez.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44- You got time for a chat?- No, no, no.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47I received an official bollocking for lateness yesterday.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49Whoa!
0:01:50 > 0:01:51Who's that?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Don't touch the door.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55It's automatic open.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58It opens on its own. Don't touch the door.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01- Don't touch it!- Holy shit, it's Ann. - Why's she got all of those kids?
0:02:01 > 0:02:04She's part of the car pool now, for school drops.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Car pool? Car... Why don't we have a car pool?
0:02:06 > 0:02:07That would really help me!
0:02:07 > 0:02:08I live right there!
0:02:08 > 0:02:10If I spit now, I'd hit my window.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12I don't drive. My wife does the driving.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14I'm sans licence.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Thought you were late.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Hey! Ann!
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Nice big car!
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Yeah, we traded in the old one for this flashy so-and-so.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28It's a bit hi-tech now for me,
0:02:28 > 0:02:32but I couldn't look at the Volvo the same after I ran over the cat.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35But anyway, it means I get to run a car pool now, so...
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Yeah. I'd love to talk to you about that sometime.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40- Hello, Claire.- Bloody hell, Ann!
0:02:40 > 0:02:41Nice wheels!
0:02:41 > 0:02:43How many kids can you fit in there?
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Safely? Nine.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47So you might have room for a couple more in the car pool?
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Yeah, well...
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Oh, my God! You bought it!
0:02:53 > 0:02:55You look like a drug dealer, Ann!
0:02:55 > 0:02:57It's actually the top-rated people carrier on Which?, so...
0:02:57 > 0:02:58You're in my spot.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00- Oh.- Joking, but you are.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05We should definitely, definitely catch up soon.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07- I'd love to hear more about the car pool.- I like your hair.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Heidi's desperate to see Darius.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Do you want to come over for a play date?
0:03:11 > 0:03:12We've just got a family pass to Chessington.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Yeah, I can't talk and drive.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28So we need to make a new... OK, that would be...
0:03:28 > 0:03:29Amanda!
0:03:29 > 0:03:31KNOCKING
0:03:31 > 0:03:32Amanda! Amanda!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Amanda! Amanda!
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Don't think she saw me. Amanda!
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Don't think she could hear me.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Love, if you're hungry, just go over and help yourself.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53No one'll notice.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Just kick the ball by their rug and grab a handful of crisps.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Right, go. Off you go! Hiya.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Oh, you came.
0:04:02 > 0:04:03- Pull up a pew. - SHRIEKS
0:04:03 > 0:04:04Or a jacket.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07You can sit on my jacket. Oh, thanks.
0:04:08 > 0:04:09- Bubbles?- Yeah.
0:04:13 > 0:04:14Oh.
0:04:17 > 0:04:18Hey, there's Ann.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21So what's been going on?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Nothing much.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Apart from my ex, Lee, having a new partner.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Not girlfriend, partner.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Debbie-Louise, for fuck's sake.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Who double-barrels two stupid names?
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Anyway, she's welcome to him.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41All we'd do was fight, if I'm honest.
0:04:41 > 0:04:42I stabbed him once.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47Just with a spork from a Tesco pasta salad.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48Just in the leg.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Police got involved.
0:04:51 > 0:04:52I got a caution for sporking.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57The wanker.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Wish I could just stay angry with him, but...
0:04:59 > 0:05:02he looks at me with his stupid eyes and...
0:05:03 > 0:05:05..I'm 20 again.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07And I don't have two kids,
0:05:07 > 0:05:08and it's Saturday night... Oh!
0:05:10 > 0:05:11Julia?
0:05:12 > 0:05:13What the hell?
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Sorry, babe. Do you want to go and get a coffee?
0:05:19 > 0:05:20Yeah, all right.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23We'd love to, Ann.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Great, I'll see you back at mine in 20.
0:05:25 > 0:05:26Wicked!
0:05:26 > 0:05:27SHE SIGHS
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Coffee's not too hot, is it?
0:05:37 > 0:05:38No, no, no, it's perfect.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Ha!
0:05:40 > 0:05:42- So true.- Yeah.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44I made that. I made all of them.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47I got terribly into driftwood crafting after my early menopause.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Oh, well, what you lost in the oestrogen
0:05:50 > 0:05:52you definitely made up for in hobbies.
0:05:54 > 0:05:55- PHONE VIBRATES - Oh.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Oh, that's Claire again.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59Car pool business.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01I'm terribly popular all of a sudden.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02Annoying!
0:06:02 > 0:06:04I don't know Claire at all,
0:06:04 > 0:06:06but she's always struck me as a bit of a user.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08That might be unfair, but I think it's true.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Turn your phone off.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Yeah.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Can I get you girls anything to eat?
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- Got a hobnob?- I don't have any hobnobs but I can get you some.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20- I just meant a biscuit or... - I'll go to the corner shop!
0:06:20 > 0:06:22No, no, you don't need to do that.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Oh, it's fine, it's just two doors down and one straight across.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27I'll be two minutes, five minutes. I'll take the car.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32DOOR SLAMS
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Come on, you can get in on it, too.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36I live fucking opposite the school.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39I've got to get up, my arse is numb.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46What are you doing?
0:06:46 > 0:06:47Just having a nose.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Trying to fill my eyes with anything that isn't a driftwood affirmation.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Oh, God, that's creepy.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Do you think there are others in this range?
0:06:58 > 0:07:00What, like, you've scraped a pass?
0:07:00 > 0:07:01LAUGHTER
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Oh, I love these!
0:07:05 > 0:07:07- What are you doing?- I had one of these then I was little.
0:07:07 > 0:07:08But that's her dad!
0:07:08 > 0:07:09Huh?
0:07:09 > 0:07:12That was her dead dad's face.
0:07:12 > 0:07:13- Her dead dad?- Yes.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16It was an impression of his face, like a death mask.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17What do you mean? How do you know that?
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Because they had it like that since he died.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Well, that's stupid... What are we going to do, Liz?
0:07:22 > 0:07:23What are we going to do?
0:07:23 > 0:07:25We have just replaced her dead dad's face with your fist.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27We've got to fix it. What are we going to do, Liz?
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Just, like, put your face in it.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32I don't look anything like her dead dad.
0:07:32 > 0:07:33You do a bit.
0:07:34 > 0:07:35Scrape your hair back.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37And put some glasses on, he was a specs wearer.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39I don't have my glasses with me.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41I've got some of Charlie's. Hang on.
0:07:43 > 0:07:44Give them to me.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47You hold this. God!
0:07:50 > 0:07:51Oh!
0:07:52 > 0:07:53LAUGHTER
0:07:55 > 0:07:56- DOOR SHUTS - What are you doing?
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Just...trying to get a better view of your garden.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03- Oh.- Is that a little cat grave?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05No. No, it's just a... a raised flower bed.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09The foxes dug up the cat grave.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15DOORBELL RINGS
0:08:25 > 0:08:27- Hello, Kevin.- Amanda!
0:08:29 > 0:08:31- Are you lost? - No, I was just passing.
0:08:31 > 0:08:32- Can I...?- Of course.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36- Yes?- Oh, watch your clean shoes on the dirty doormat.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44I wondered if you wouldn't mind keeping quiet about
0:08:44 > 0:08:46seeing me at Dr Guldaguin's today.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Oh, so you did see me, then.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Of course I saw you, Kevin. You saw I saw you.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52Oh, right, yeah.
0:08:53 > 0:08:54But then why...?
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Oh, yes, of course. Yes.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Yeah, it's just that I'm, you know, er...
0:09:00 > 0:09:03I don't know what the word is, kind of...high profile. Like, locally.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Which is nuts, of course,
0:09:05 > 0:09:08because I'm actually a private person, very discreet person and...
0:09:09 > 0:09:11..also the type of person that people have
0:09:11 > 0:09:13an unhealthy interest in. You know, like...
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Nigella or Charday.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18No, of course, it's going no further.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Jonny has huge jealousy issues.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25You know, on the one hand he loves having an eye-catching wife
0:09:25 > 0:09:27but he cannot deal with the attention I get.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30- Mm-hm.- And the problem is...
0:09:31 > 0:09:33..I bring it, every day.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37I bring it, I never let myself down, I always look my best and...
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Johnny, of course, is like, "Oh, who are you doing that for?"
0:09:41 > 0:09:42And...
0:09:42 > 0:09:43I'm like...
0:09:43 > 0:09:45- HOARSELY:- Well, I'm doing it for me.
0:09:45 > 0:09:46Hey, hey.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Come on now.
0:09:49 > 0:09:50Erm...
0:09:50 > 0:09:51Johnny's...
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Johnny's a very lucky guy.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57And every marriage has its issues.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00I just found out in counselling that my wife finds me
0:10:00 > 0:10:03less sexually attractive since I've become a househusband.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- She thinks I'm emasculated...- Kevin, I can't take on your shit right now.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08No, yes, sorry. Of course. Sorry.
0:10:10 > 0:10:11Well...
0:10:12 > 0:10:14..you can talk to me any time.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17My door is always open,
0:10:17 > 0:10:19and my mouth is always closed.
0:10:25 > 0:10:29I'm sorry, I don't feel comfortable with you touching me like that.
0:10:29 > 0:10:30Said my wife.
0:10:30 > 0:10:31HE TITTERS
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Did Charlie leave his scooter here?
0:10:45 > 0:10:47- He doesn't have a scooter. - Yeah, he does.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49He found one in the park, so he has a scooter.
0:10:49 > 0:10:50Well, it's not here.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Shit.
0:10:52 > 0:10:53I bet someone's nicked it.
0:10:55 > 0:10:56Where's Debbie Does Dallas?
0:10:59 > 0:11:00It's Debbie-Louise, and she's at work.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Where's all the kids' stuff?
0:11:02 > 0:11:05- What?- Where's all the toys and mess and kiddie crap?
0:11:05 > 0:11:07I don't know, in their rooms?
0:11:07 > 0:11:09What's with all the cushions?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11- I like cushions.- Since fucking when?
0:11:11 > 0:11:13You can't get angry at cushions, Liz.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15You know, you can't have strong feelings against something
0:11:15 > 0:11:17that's designed to make your back feel more comfortable.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19How is that not broken?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21How can Charlie play in here with that?
0:11:21 > 0:11:23And what's this shit?
0:11:23 > 0:11:24I don't know.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26It's potpourri!
0:11:26 > 0:11:29There's just bowls of potp-fucking-rri everywhere.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31She's turning our house into a nursing home.
0:11:31 > 0:11:32Yeah, well, it's my house.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37She can't just erase all evidence of our kids.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39I want to meet this woman.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41You set something up or I...
0:11:41 > 0:11:42I swear I'll...
0:11:47 > 0:11:48What's wrong with potpourri?
0:11:48 > 0:11:49I rather like potpourri.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53It's not the potpourri, it's the principle behind the potpourri.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55What, you don't agree with perfumed bark?
0:11:55 > 0:11:56No, it...
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Look, I don't want my kids brought up around it.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Oh, there's Anne. Anne! Hi.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Come and sit down. Oh, there's no chair.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04I'll get you a stool.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10I wouldn't write off all potpourri, there's some lovely blends.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Especially at Christmas.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Oh, there's Amanda. Can we put a pin in this for a minute?
0:12:28 > 0:12:31What's going on with you two?
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Oh, I'm just helping Amanda work through something at the moment.
0:12:34 > 0:12:35Since when?
0:12:35 > 0:12:37It's private. I can't.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44You know what, I need a drink.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45Let's go to the pub tonight, get pissed.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Forget about everything for a minute.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Oh, no, you two go ahead.
0:12:49 > 0:12:50No, I'm burnt out by eight.
0:12:50 > 0:12:51Can't make it to Holby City.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53I don't do anything evening-based.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55What, you never go out in the evening?
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Oh, yeah, I do, I just don't... I don't do mum stuff in the evening.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00- Mum stuff?!- No, I just...
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Oh, you... You know what I meant.
0:13:03 > 0:13:04Anne, hi.
0:13:06 > 0:13:07Aw, hi, Anne.
0:13:11 > 0:13:12Off to meet Liz, then.
0:13:12 > 0:13:13Won't be a late one.
0:13:13 > 0:13:14PHONE RINGS
0:13:18 > 0:13:19Hi, Amanda.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21Yes, I can talk.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26You all right, Amanda? I can't really make out what you're...
0:13:28 > 0:13:29Are you crying or laughing?
0:13:29 > 0:13:30I can't...
0:13:32 > 0:13:33I'm coming over.
0:13:38 > 0:13:39You can sit down, Kevin.
0:13:39 > 0:13:40No, I'm fine standing.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42It's like Churchill with the Queen.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44You haven't said anything to Anne, have you?
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Oh, no. God, no.
0:13:46 > 0:13:47Jesus, no.
0:13:47 > 0:13:48OK.
0:13:50 > 0:13:51I'm just feeling a bit...
0:13:53 > 0:13:55It's just that...
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Johnny is on these rampages.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00His jealousy,
0:14:00 > 0:14:02it just flares up sometimes.
0:14:02 > 0:14:03Well, look, I mean...
0:14:04 > 0:14:05..we all have our little blips.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Ever since this thing with Bobby he's been like this.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Well, as I said,
0:14:10 > 0:14:11marriage is a very, erm...
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Sorry, who's Bobby?
0:14:18 > 0:14:19Well, he...
0:14:21 > 0:14:23I feel like I can trust you with this information, Kevin.
0:14:23 > 0:14:24Of course.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Johnny wanted to take control of his jealousy.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30The thing is he's...
0:14:30 > 0:14:31very complicated.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34He's horribly jealous,
0:14:34 > 0:14:37but at the same time he enjoys watching me with another man.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Of course.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40Wha... What?
0:14:40 > 0:14:43So...Bobby is someone we invited into our relationship.
0:14:45 > 0:14:46On a monthly basis.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49He's a squaddie.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51He drives up from Aldershot.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55And that's all I know about him.
0:14:55 > 0:14:56Mmm.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Aldershot. Erm...
0:15:01 > 0:15:05My mum lives in Fleet, which is very near Aldershot.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Tip for that neck of the woods, erm,
0:15:12 > 0:15:15there's a great tandoori, erm,
0:15:15 > 0:15:17second to naan!
0:15:17 > 0:15:18GLASS SMASHES
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Oh, goodness! It's fine. It's... It's... It's fine.
0:15:20 > 0:15:21- I'm so sorry.- It's fine.
0:15:21 > 0:15:22Don't worry, just leave it.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24It's fine... Kevin...
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Er... You know, erm, look... Look... Look...
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Many couples have, erm...
0:15:31 > 0:15:32I think.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Who am I? Erm... I mean, you look at...
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Many... Many marriages...
0:15:36 > 0:15:38- Many couples... - GLASS CLINKING
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Ow! Er...
0:15:41 > 0:15:42I mean, the conventional...
0:15:42 > 0:15:45I mean... Who hasn't?
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Erm...
0:15:47 > 0:15:48What is a marriage?
0:15:48 > 0:15:50What is normal?
0:15:50 > 0:15:51There isn't any... Ow! Ow!
0:15:51 > 0:15:52There isn't any normal...
0:15:52 > 0:15:53DOOR OPENS Oh, my God.
0:15:55 > 0:15:56- It's Johnny. Er...- Oh.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Kevin, would you mind just stepping into the garden?
0:15:59 > 0:16:02- What? Surely there's no...- No, no, no, it's totally fine, but just...
0:16:02 > 0:16:03Would you? If you'd just step into the garden,
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- it'd be so much easier for me. - Oh... Oh, OK.
0:16:06 > 0:16:07MAN TALKING ON PHONE
0:16:14 > 0:16:17- Hey, honey. - Hey. How come you're back so early?
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Really? I do live here, you know!
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Is it such a bad thing for me to come home?
0:16:22 > 0:16:25- Johnny, what's wrong? - Well, I come home,
0:16:25 > 0:16:27you're not pleased to see me, there's no kiss...
0:16:27 > 0:16:30- What are you talking about? - What about normal couples?
0:16:30 > 0:16:32I just said how come you're back so early? That's all I said.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34What's wrong with you? I can't keep doing this...
0:16:34 > 0:16:38- You can't keep doing this? You're exhausted?- What is up with you?
0:16:38 > 0:16:40I'm going outside for a cigarette.
0:16:40 > 0:16:41What?
0:16:41 > 0:16:42I'm having a cigarette.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Johnny, why are you smoking?
0:16:45 > 0:16:47I'm smoking, because from the moment I walk in the door
0:16:47 > 0:16:51you're busting my balls. Do we not have a lighter in this house?
0:16:51 > 0:16:55- Oh, God!- 15,000 candles, and not one lighter!
0:16:56 > 0:16:58TELLY NATTERING AWAY
0:17:06 > 0:17:07PHONE VIBRATES
0:17:24 > 0:17:25SHE SIGHS
0:17:32 > 0:17:33SHE GROANS
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Let me get the first round in.
0:17:36 > 0:17:37No, no, no, let me get them.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41OK, I'll have a Cava,
0:17:41 > 0:17:42and then I'll get the next one.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Oh, well, let's see how we feel.
0:17:44 > 0:17:45I mean...
0:17:45 > 0:17:48we may find that we're fully quenched after this one.
0:17:48 > 0:17:49I'll just get a seat.
0:17:49 > 0:17:50Liz!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52I thought you didn't do mum stuff at night.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54No, this is...
0:17:54 > 0:17:57this is strictly carpool business.
0:17:57 > 0:17:58Kev!
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Over here.
0:18:01 > 0:18:02I got you a drink.
0:18:02 > 0:18:03OK.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18- Yes, please, another. - Are you all right, Kevin?
0:18:19 > 0:18:21What happened to your jeans?
0:18:24 > 0:18:25I was just climbing.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Claire's in the house!
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Oh! The gang's all here.
0:18:41 > 0:18:42God, I love Cava.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45It's a terrific alternative.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47I actually think it's nicer than champagne.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49So do I, I love it.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Yeah. I don't like to drink Cava around my husband though.
0:18:52 > 0:18:53He had to cut it out.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55He hasn't had a drop since our son's christening...
0:18:55 > 0:18:56PHONE VIBRATES
0:18:56 > 0:18:59..which is difficult, because he really loved Cava.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02And his father loved Cava also.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06His father would drink two to three bottles of Cava a day, at his worst.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Which was sad,
0:19:08 > 0:19:10but it also meant he was very easy to buy presents for.
0:19:12 > 0:19:13PHONE RINGS
0:19:19 > 0:19:20- Do you like Cava, Liz?- No.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34- Jesus Christ!- What's going on?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37- Nothing's going on.- Yes, there is.
0:19:37 > 0:19:38What's going on, Kevin?
0:19:40 > 0:19:42I'm just dealing with some very personal stuff right now
0:19:42 > 0:19:44that isn't even my personal stuff, and it's just...
0:19:46 > 0:19:48It's too complicated, Liz, I can't talk about it.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Great, I'll just be ignored by you AND Julia then.
0:19:52 > 0:19:53I'm in here!
0:19:57 > 0:19:58Last orders!
0:19:58 > 0:20:01I'd better make a move. I have had such a fun evening.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Can we just have a chat about carpool?
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Or back to mine for the after party?
0:20:05 > 0:20:07- I'm afraid I can't. - I can't either.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09I can, actually! I'm afraid I can.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13- Liz?- No, thank you!
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Right.
0:20:23 > 0:20:24Oi!
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Have you found the scooter?
0:20:35 > 0:20:37OK, let's get some tunes going.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45MUSIC PLAYS
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Shhh! Eh! My husband's got an early shift, OK?
0:20:50 > 0:20:53But let's get this after party started.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56I can just stay for one, Anne. Anne, I'm just staying for one!
0:20:56 > 0:20:59God, this is my worst nightmare come true.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02I'm surrounded by mums at night.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06I could just about handle it on the school drop, but this...
0:21:06 > 0:21:09PHONE RINGS
0:21:14 > 0:21:16- Amanda.- Hi.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19I'm sorry, I'm in my dressing gown!
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Well, we're on the phone, so it doesn't really...
0:21:22 > 0:21:23Have you got time for a chat?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Well, I'm not a little party at Anne's.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31- It's a bit...- What? Anne didn't mention a party.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35That's because it's just a little impromptu after party.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38Anne is having an after party?
0:21:38 > 0:21:39Pate?
0:21:40 > 0:21:42I made it myself. It's so simple.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44You just whizz up a liver, any old liver,
0:21:44 > 0:21:46and then throw in a dash of Tabasco.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Now, where's our Cava?
0:21:50 > 0:21:52I think I have a nice one up behind Daddy.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Pfft! This one, though.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Ah!
0:22:07 > 0:22:09DOORBELL RINGS
0:22:14 > 0:22:17My phone was off, so I must have missed your call
0:22:17 > 0:22:19that you're having a party.
0:22:19 > 0:22:20Yeah, well, it's an after party.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23And the whole deal with an after party
0:22:23 > 0:22:25is that you have to have been at the party before.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29But you mustn't have heard your phone when I called.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Sorry about that, Anne!
0:22:42 > 0:22:44SHE GROANS
0:22:53 > 0:22:55For fuck's sake!
0:23:04 > 0:23:06TOILET FLUSHES
0:23:06 > 0:23:09You left your jacket in my kitchen, and Johnny found it,
0:23:09 > 0:23:11and he has completely lost it.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13What?!
0:23:14 > 0:23:16How did he know it was my jacket?
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Your name is stitched in it, Kevin.
0:23:22 > 0:23:23Shit!
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Shit, shit, shit!
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Shit!
0:23:33 > 0:23:35What a great night. Thanks, Anne.
0:23:35 > 0:23:40God, I just really need to switch off from work and kids
0:23:40 > 0:23:42and school, and carpools.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46Any decision on the carpool? Would just really help me out.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48God, yeah, sorry! I gave the spot to Claire.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52- What?- Yeah, I gave a spot to Claire, that's why we were out for a drink.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Oh, right! It's just that's also why I was out for a drink.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Oh, I thought... I mean...
0:23:59 > 0:24:01I thought you just wanted to go out for the fun of it.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Come on, Anne! I was very, very specifically there
0:24:03 > 0:24:06to talk about carpool, and do you know what's more?
0:24:06 > 0:24:07You knew that, Anne,
0:24:07 > 0:24:09so you've actually just been stringing me along.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13You're a real carpool tease.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Not cool, Anne! Not cool at all.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Cheers, Anne.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25- That was rude.- What?
0:24:25 > 0:24:27- I'm not a fan of Anne, but come on. - Yeah, well, I'm tired.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30No, no, you're on the make the whole time, Julia.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33The only reason you're here tonight is because you wanted something.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36- No! Well, yeah... - Are we even friends?
0:24:36 > 0:24:38- What?- Are we friends? - Of course we're friends!
0:24:38 > 0:24:40I see you every day.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42I see more of you than I see some of my bridesmaids.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Yeah, but you never ask me to do anything with you.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46- That's not true. - I'm your day friend, Julia.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Not an evening friend. I'm a mum friend.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50I'm a convenience.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53I asked you to come for a drink tonight because I needed to talk
0:24:53 > 0:24:54with a fucking mate, and instead,
0:24:54 > 0:24:57you chose to hang out with an emotional storm drain.
0:25:00 > 0:25:01I'm an emotional storm drain?
0:25:01 > 0:25:03- No.- Shit.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Does anyone like me?
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Yes. People like you.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09I like you. Liz...
0:25:09 > 0:25:10Amanda likes you.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Amanda doesn't like me.
0:25:12 > 0:25:13She doesn't give a flying poo about me.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16She just wants people around her who can kiss her arse.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18And I've kissed every square inch of that flat arse.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24Anne, you're drunk, and you're embarrassing yourself.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27If I were you, I'd take myself to bed and sleep it off.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35I may be drunk, but at least I know how to unclench my flipping bum hole
0:25:35 > 0:25:37and have a good time!
0:25:37 > 0:25:38Did you just push me?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40- No.- How dare you?
0:25:40 > 0:25:43- OK, let's not get violent. - After everything I've done for you.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45You started this.
0:25:45 > 0:25:50THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
0:25:54 > 0:25:56After everything I've done for you!
0:25:56 > 0:25:59I was your friend when no-one was your friend!
0:25:59 > 0:26:02THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Amanda's having threesomes with a squaddie!
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Right, well, I can't top that, so I'm off.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23- Thanks for a great evening, Anne. - Do you want to share a taxi, or...?
0:26:23 > 0:26:25DOOR SLAMS