0:00:11 > 0:00:13Lighting. Good to go. Mrs Brown. Mrs Brown.
0:00:14 > 0:00:18LAUGHTER Feck off! Stand by titles. Coming to
0:00:19 > 0:00:32camera ten. Good luck everybody and run titles.
0:00:33 > 0:00:44Welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys live! # She's Mrs Brown!
0:00:45 > 0:00:52# That's Mrs Brown. APPLAUSE AND
0:00:53 > 0:00:58CHEERING Police notice. A man is terrorising
0:00:59 > 0:01:02the Finglas area. He is 7ft seven inches tall carrying a baseball bat.
0:01:03 > 0:01:12If he knocks at your door, don't call us, do what he feckin' says.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17Hello! APPLAUSE AND
0:01:18 > 0:01:23CHEERING You're all very welcome to Mrs
0:01:24 > 0:01:28Brown's Boys live. That mean this can't be edited.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33LAUGHTER Somebody will be leaving the BBC on
0:01:34 > 0:01:45Monday. And it could be Ken the cameraman.
0:01:46 > 0:01:52LAUGHTER Don't touch anything, Ken. This
0:01:53 > 0:01:58camera's not plugged in. I want to thank the British
0:01:59 > 0:02:02broadcasting corporation and radio television Eireann which is Irish
0:02:03 > 0:02:06for radio television eirean for this wonderful opportunity to address my
0:02:07 > 0:02:12subjects live. What's the difference between this
0:02:13 > 0:02:18episode and any other episode? Well, for a start they've put one of these
0:02:19 > 0:02:27in my ear. That's so they can tell me what to
0:02:28 > 0:02:31say and what not to say. Hello! Now...
0:02:32 > 0:02:37APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Sf
0:02:38 > 0:02:48It's not going to happen. You know, my mother used to say can I... Oh!
0:02:49 > 0:02:55APPLAUSE Hello, Dermot, hello, Maria. Hi, ma.
0:02:56 > 0:03:02Is Buster here No. Typical. He was supposed to meet me here at...
0:03:03 > 0:03:10LAUGHTER Now. You look a bit befuddled, son. He is. Yeah. I might
0:03:11 > 0:03:13have to let Buster go. Oh, no. You have been best friends for years.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18It's not easy to let your best friend go. No, it's not. But
0:03:19 > 0:03:30Dermot's the boss and the business is what's important. But why? Frozen
0:03:31 > 0:03:38foods. I can see your man boobs there when you did that!
0:03:39 > 0:03:44APPLAUSE This is the most important contract
0:03:45 > 0:03:51I have ever had. A year's business and Buster's not doing the business.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Who is Acme frozen foods? Suppliers of frozen foods throughout the
0:03:56 > 0:04:04market. Not just fresh frozen but frozen fresh. Frozen fresh for your
0:04:05 > 0:04:20freezer. Famously full of flavour. APPLAUSE
0:04:21 > 0:04:29LAUGHTER Sorry love, what?
0:04:30 > 0:04:33Suppliers of frozen foods throughout the ready meal and convenience foods
0:04:34 > 0:04:38market. Not just fresh frozen but frozen fresh. Fields of fresh food
0:04:39 > 0:04:41frozen fresh for your freezer. And famously full of flavour.
0:04:42 > 0:04:52APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:04:53 > 0:05:02Did you understand that? Yeah. Yeah, right Did you? No, what was it?
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Well, they're suppliers of fresh food, frozen for your freezer. Yeah,
0:05:07 > 0:05:12forget it! Well, I suppose that's a big
0:05:13 > 0:05:18contract. I see. Oh, now. Hello, Mrs Brown. Hello son. You're
0:05:19 > 0:05:22here. And I am ready to go. Buster, did you rehearse? I am ready. Show
0:05:23 > 0:05:33us what you do when you hand out the leaflet. OK.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Be the penguin. I am, Dermot. I'm freezing.
0:05:37 > 0:05:45LAUGHTER Acme frozen foods available in the
0:05:46 > 0:06:08freezer section! I'll get the door. Excuse me.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11I don't feel well. I know, I rang Dr Flynn and told him. That could be
0:06:12 > 0:06:15him now. You were born not feeling well. You are never well. Look at
0:06:16 > 0:06:19the face on you, Jesus, you look like you are the back of a bus. You
0:06:20 > 0:06:24need to get more exercise. That's what's wrong with you. Changing
0:06:25 > 0:06:33chaps on the television is not a workout: I tell you, your main
0:06:34 > 0:06:39problem is you are a lazy... Fare! Come in Father Damien, come in.
0:06:40 > 0:06:45Hello, grandad. He is not the doctor. No, it's a priest. It's
0:06:46 > 0:06:52worse than we thought. I feel great. I bet you do.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57Fare Damien, can I get you a cup of tea No, thanks, Mrs Brown. I just
0:06:58 > 0:07:02popped in to ask a favour. What can I do for you You know MrCunningham.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07The scout master. I do see him there. He is heading away to the
0:07:08 > 0:07:17world scout conference. Oh, Bangkok again. You don't know what they get
0:07:18 > 0:07:21up to they, do we? Sorry The devils. Anyway, he needs someone... He asked
0:07:22 > 0:07:27me... Tell you what, why don't you go back to that bit again. You know
0:07:28 > 0:07:30what happened there, I got excited and improvised.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35APPLAUSE I won't be doing that again!
0:07:36 > 0:07:39You know what, he needs someone to step in for him this week. Oh! He
0:07:40 > 0:07:44gave me a list of possible leaders to ask and I wanted to know would
0:07:45 > 0:07:51you do it? How many is on the list? 26. And you came to me first. Yes.
0:07:52 > 0:07:57Of course. No problem, you leave it to me. Dib-dib-dib. Follow me, left
0:07:58 > 0:08:00to right. Left to right! Hello, Father Damien. The sermon this
0:08:01 > 0:08:04morning was lovely. Thank you, Maria. I always found the letters of
0:08:05 > 0:08:10St Paul to be very inspiring. Father, it was just a comment, not a
0:08:11 > 0:08:15review. You will have a cup of tea? No, thanks, Mrs Brown. I have an
0:08:16 > 0:08:22appointment in Monkstown and don't even know how to get there. I know.
0:08:23 > 0:08:30Are you driving or walking Driving. Yeah, that's the quickest way.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33APPLAUSE Father Damien, how come you never
0:08:34 > 0:08:39smell of fish? You know why. I tell you why,
0:08:40 > 0:08:45because... I will tell you why. Rory says he sees you out trawling all
0:08:46 > 0:08:53the time. You never smell of fish. Never. Maybe you are using the wrong
0:08:54 > 0:09:02bait. I am indeed. What do you find you get, crabs? Sometimes I go for
0:09:03 > 0:09:06crabs. Father Damien has asked me to step into the Boy Scout troop for
0:09:07 > 0:09:18the week. I don't know about that... Don't you worry. You are in good
0:09:19 > 0:09:27hands. Good then. What's that? Close your eyes. Stay rigid and just fall.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32But trust me to catch you. LAUGHTER
0:09:33 > 0:09:37I wouldn't trust you to catch a bucking cold. Dermot, you catch her.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42You trust Dermot. With all my heart. Stand over here. Close your eyes.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47Stay rigid. Yes, I am. When you are ready just fall and trust Dermot to
0:09:48 > 0:09:56catch you. Oh, now, I am nervous. Don't worry, mammy, I'll catch you.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00OK, love. Go! APPLAUSE AND
0:10:01 > 0:10:12CHEERING I'll let myself out.
0:10:13 > 0:10:20Doing your workout, Agnes? Yes, I was just warming up for my weights.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25Do you want to spot me? Do you want a #ku7 of fae, Winnie? Yes, please,
0:10:26 > 0:10:30I am gasp for a cupa. That Church was freezing this morning. Maria was
0:10:31 > 0:10:35down there as well, what had you down on a Saturday morning? It was a
0:10:36 > 0:10:41memorial mass for Quinn's husband. He is dead five years now. That flew
0:10:42 > 0:10:47in, didn't it. Didn't it just. God love poor Lily. She looked really
0:10:48 > 0:10:57sad. Oh, that's sad. She blames herself for his death. She did
0:10:58 > 0:11:02locking shoot him. I suppose. Are you all right? No, I am not feeling
0:11:03 > 0:11:07great, Agnes. I didn't sleep a wink last night. One minute I am hot then
0:11:08 > 0:11:21I am cold and hot again and then itchy. Itchy? Itchy where? In bed. I
0:11:22 > 0:11:26am sorry to hear that. You should go down to the doctor and get that
0:11:27 > 0:11:29checked out. We are going to check that on the internet. Don't do that.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34I know somebody that did that and died of a misprint. You are right,
0:11:35 > 0:11:40Agnes. I am going to pop down and see Dr Flynn right now. You do and
0:11:41 > 0:11:50tell him everything. I will. Oh, don't be worrying about Winnie.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Winnie's a hyper chrondiac. Somebody gets a cold and Winnie feckin'
0:11:54 > 0:11:58sneezes. Who was that? It was Winnie. Do you want a cup of tea,
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Cathy? Please. She's gone down to the doctor. Says she's not well.
0:12:03 > 0:12:08Yeah, Sharron said something about that last night. I hope it's nothing
0:12:09 > 0:12:14serious. Serious, what do you mean? Well, a fever. Chills. Skin
0:12:15 > 0:12:27irritation. Sounds like nothing I have heard of.
0:12:28 > 0:12:41Hello you two. Hi ma. Cup of tea, Mark? No, I am on my way into work.
0:12:42 > 0:12:50Right, I will see you later. Sure. Right, see you. Bye.
0:12:51 > 0:13:12Would you like a cup of tea, Betty? No, thanks.
0:13:13 > 0:13:21APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:13:22 > 0:13:26Right then I'm off to the scout shop. The scout shop? To get a few
0:13:27 > 0:13:29things. Tell Bono I will be bringing him down to the scouts myself this
0:13:30 > 0:13:34week. He will be thrilled. Out of the way, Rory.
0:13:35 > 0:13:41Mammy, have you got a few minutes to talk? Rory, no, we're live. Mammy, I
0:13:42 > 0:13:48have an idea. Rory, no! Live! Come on.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53Rory, don't push me on this, I haven't time, I have to get changed
0:13:54 > 0:13:59for the next scene. Shut up, here, hold them knickers!
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Here, no goodbye kiss. Everything all right with you and Mark? What do
0:14:04 > 0:14:08you think of that? I want to get it. Wow. What an amazing bedroom. Which
0:14:09 > 0:14:15part are you looking to get? All of it. All of it? Looks expensive.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19That's what Mark said too. But take a good look at it most is carpentry.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22He is a carpenter. Cathy, we have been in business now
0:14:23 > 0:14:25for two years. We are doing all right. We deserve a treat. This is a
0:14:26 > 0:14:37treat. The Brown men can be pretty
0:14:38 > 0:14:45stubborn. Not as stubborn as the others, except when it comes to sex.
0:14:46 > 0:14:55MUSIC APPLAUSE
0:14:56 > 0:15:02You're not making the effort, Buster. You have to be the penguin.
0:15:03 > 0:15:14I am, what do you want me to do? Start pissing ice cubes was to mark
0:15:15 > 0:15:28don't get smart. Try again. PENGUIN NOISES
0:15:29 > 0:15:43That's a chicken! That they don't. Jesus! -- that a goat.
0:15:44 > 0:15:55Back seat is taken, son. Jesus, Agnes, it's yourself. Are you going
0:15:56 > 0:16:02to a fancy dress? Fair play, that's a lovely thing to do. Is easy. I'd
0:16:03 > 0:16:14play games with them and every 20 minutes I give them a smoke break. I
0:16:15 > 0:16:21finished my jigsaw. Well done. How long did it take? Two months. Is
0:16:22 > 0:16:33that not a bit long? On the box, set two to four years. -- it set two to
0:16:34 > 0:16:40four years. How did you get on at the doctor? He said I've got nothing
0:16:41 > 0:16:47to worry about. I'm just getting a stroke. What?! Wait, I'm getting a
0:16:48 > 0:16:54flu. I thought it was a stroke from the Internet. I'm going for a second
0:16:55 > 0:17:06opinion. What doctor? She's a spiritualist and a healer. Winnie,
0:17:07 > 0:17:11don't start that shite. She is really good. She helped the police
0:17:12 > 0:17:20find a body, what do you call that? A feckin' suspect. I heard about
0:17:21 > 0:17:31Mark and Betty having bedroom problems. Who told you? Sharon. No
0:17:32 > 0:17:40wonder she was quiet. That's nothing to worry about. People die! Small
0:17:41 > 0:17:48animals get nervous. Did you ever have to bottle it up? God, no. My
0:17:49 > 0:17:53Redser could do it twice. He won in December was the best. You should
0:17:54 > 0:18:02see the noise he made when he was having an orgasm. Woke me up every
0:18:03 > 0:18:11time. And I was downstairs. You know, when he was making love, used
0:18:12 > 0:18:26to go... Mike Jacko was really good at it. Yes, he was. -- my Jacko. I
0:18:27 > 0:18:30said, that's nice. You know, you are better off leaving it to Mark and
0:18:31 > 0:18:40Betty to sort it out themselves. So, I will sort it out.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43APPLAUSE I have no doubt that Mark and Betty would be able to sort it
0:18:44 > 0:18:51out themselves. But, you know, they'd be with a little bit of help.
0:18:52 > 0:18:59EASTENDERS THEME Sorry, it's my feckin' ringtone.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02It's the director. Hello, Ben. I wasn't supposed to? That is why I
0:19:03 > 0:19:22took out the feckin' radio Mike. I know you're upset that mammy
0:19:23 > 0:19:28wouldn't listen. She wouldn't! When I tried to talk to her, she said,
0:19:29 > 0:19:34hold your knickers. I'm listening. What we need to do is keep a level
0:19:35 > 0:19:45head and discuss this calmly, agreed? Agreed. Agreed! Why don't
0:19:46 > 0:19:56you start. The owner of the salon has decided to sell up and retire to
0:19:57 > 0:20:06Spain and... Oh, I'm too excited! Take it, Rory. He's offered to let
0:20:07 > 0:20:19me and the no do a and isn't. -- do a management buyout.
0:20:20 > 0:20:34Is this something I should have been invited to? No. Director's meeting.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Who are the directors? Me and Dino. I wouldn't let you direct traffic up
0:20:39 > 0:20:43a one-way street. I don't like the way you speak to my son. I saw your
0:20:44 > 0:20:54note. Don't forget to pay the rent, boy.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57LAUGHTER OK, boys. The essence of good business is preparation. Fail
0:20:58 > 0:21:33to prepare them repair to fail. Melt... Mount the rampant stallion.
0:21:34 > 0:21:53LAUGHTER The first thing you have to look at is cost and income. Come on,
0:21:54 > 0:21:59horsey! O! O! Ooh! Writes, that is rent, electric, wages, stock. Allow
0:22:00 > 0:22:36504 miscellaneous. Who is she? You know, lads, I think, with
0:22:37 > 0:22:4610,000, you could do this. Really? Where are we going to get that?
0:22:47 > 0:23:02Feck, Will Grigg somewhere. Watch me. Globally! -- feck it, we'll get
0:23:03 > 0:23:14it somewhere. What is going on here? Me and Dino are taking over. Under
0:23:15 > 0:23:25new management, Wash And Low. -- Below. Writes, first things first, a
0:23:26 > 0:23:37business plan. Let's get back to the apartment and start working on it.
0:23:38 > 0:23:47Rory. Sit down, I want to talk to you. It down. -- sit down. Rory,
0:23:48 > 0:24:00have you seen Mrs Murphy's with the visiting mark -- Mrs Murphy's pussy?
0:24:01 > 0:24:07There is a photograph of it down in the post office. It is feckin' huge!
0:24:08 > 0:24:17I don't know what she is shoving into it, but it is more than keys.
0:24:18 > 0:24:25It's been missing for five days. She says she went -- she let it out for
0:24:26 > 0:24:33a wee and it can get back in, because the flat was frozen. -- it
0:24:34 > 0:25:00couldn't get back in because the flat was frozen.
0:25:01 > 0:25:13Her high, Maria. Was he any better today? Years trying. I need you to
0:25:14 > 0:25:23do what you have to do. Point, Dermot? That was quick. Sharon, two
0:25:24 > 0:25:33pints when you are ready, please. Listen, Buster, we need to talk. Go
0:25:34 > 0:25:38ahead, I'm all ears. Where? Not really, because penguins don't have
0:25:39 > 0:25:47is. That is why I never got it when you see them on Christmas cards
0:25:48 > 0:25:53singing carols. Listen,... Agnes, look at those two old days, out for
0:25:54 > 0:26:07a drink. That will be asked in ten years' time. -- two old dears.
0:26:08 > 0:26:19Winnie, that's a feckin' mirror. Mammy, could I please have a minute.
0:26:20 > 0:26:29Back off! Betty, who is that on the front of your magazine? Holli
0:26:30 > 0:26:34Willoughby. She's beautiful. Take away the blue eyes, the blonde hair
0:26:35 > 0:26:45and the figure and what have you got? You! Betty, would you tell
0:26:46 > 0:26:54Mark, when he gets a chance, I want to have an adult chat with him.
0:26:55 > 0:27:01Show. You all right, Maria? I'm just worried about Dermot. It's not easy
0:27:02 > 0:27:10for him. What's not easy? He's firing Buster. Why? It's a big
0:27:11 > 0:27:14contract and Buster isn't up to star. He has eight other staff and
0:27:15 > 0:27:21he can't take the chances. He has to show leadership. Business is
0:27:22 > 0:27:27business. Is it, is business always just business? Yes. Open the window
0:27:28 > 0:27:43in there when you are finished. You know, I remember when Dermot was
0:27:44 > 0:27:52just setting up, it was just the and Buster. How much does she pay him
0:27:53 > 0:27:57for those? We couldn't afford to pay him back then. Just as well that
0:27:58 > 0:28:11business wasn't business as it was just then. -- back then. I went to
0:28:12 > 0:28:23that spiritualist. Right, and? What did she say? She said I had the flu.
0:28:24 > 0:28:35What was the cure? She told me to go to the doctor. She's amazing.
0:28:36 > 0:28:49I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. Dermot... Maria, leave
0:28:50 > 0:28:58this to me. I can't believe it. It's a mistake. I can't take it back now.
0:28:59 > 0:29:06Supervisor, I've never been promoted false. Promoted?! Yeah, and Dermot
0:29:07 > 0:29:18said it was all your idea. Thanks, Maria. No problem, Buster. Sign --
0:29:19 > 0:29:27Sharon, two more points when you are ready, please. And fair on me. --
0:29:28 > 0:29:46and they are on me. Hi, Cathy. Hi, Mark. Mammy said she
0:29:47 > 0:29:51wanted to talk to me. Is she here? She is in the sitting room watching
0:29:52 > 0:29:52television. I think it's Game Of Thrones.
0:29:53 > 0:30:20LAUGHTER. SEXUAL NOISES
0:30:21 > 0:30:28Mammy! He was given this to bring home from school. It's from a school
0:30:29 > 0:30:36trip. What does it say? Agnes, what did you do? I just gave out a few
0:30:37 > 0:30:47tips. Was one of those, never pay a step upfront? Mammy! It was a
0:30:48 > 0:30:58metaphor. For what? Never pay a prostitute. Mammy! Do you want the?
0:30:59 > 0:31:06Yes, Cathy. I may as well, Mark. Winter is coming. You wanted a chat
0:31:07 > 0:31:21with me. Winnie, often with you. This is a family business. What
0:31:22 > 0:31:33chat? Just go home. Sit down. Well? How are you? In grand. Got something
0:31:34 > 0:31:38on your mind? Are you stressed? No. I heard on the grapevine that you
0:31:39 > 0:31:49and Betty are having a drink problems. Who told you that? --
0:31:50 > 0:31:55bedroom problems. Sharon McDoogan. It's not a big deal. It is, I've
0:31:56 > 0:32:05seen marriages fail over these things. It's not real serious. It's
0:32:06 > 0:32:14just timing. Timing? There is no problem putting it in.
0:32:15 > 0:32:23LAUGHTER But I want to wait until I was a bit slack. -- slacker. I
0:32:24 > 0:32:32haven't looked at it closely. I'm not even sure if it will fit. Use
0:32:33 > 0:32:39washers. I didn't know it meant that much to Betty. You know what, I'm
0:32:40 > 0:32:48going to bring her home right now and get started on her. Right,
0:32:49 > 0:32:53Betty, come on, you and I are going home to do some measuring in the
0:32:54 > 0:32:59bedroom. We want to see which it sits there. Really, the whole thing?
0:33:00 > 0:33:29Yeah, and see if I can get in. Come on, mammy. Things have changed
0:33:30 > 0:33:34since my day. As long as Betty gets what she wants... I think she's
0:33:35 > 0:33:45going to get a bit more than she bargained for. Well, there you are.
0:33:46 > 0:33:51Just another episode of Mrs Brown's Boys. Nothing 's changed, same...
0:33:52 > 0:33:55Well, we've got a new producer was very young. Brett is up there
0:33:56 > 0:34:11feeding him now. And they are both enjoying it. It
0:34:12 > 0:34:19was just a normal episode, you know, Rory can't get a word in, Buster
0:34:20 > 0:34:30can't do a bird sound. And Mark, it seems, can't get it all in. You
0:34:31 > 0:34:36know,... You know, a lot of people thought this was going to just be
0:34:37 > 0:34:41half an hour of bad language. Feck's 's sake.
0:34:42 > 0:34:47CHEERING APPLAUSE
0:34:48 > 0:34:54You know, the older I get, the more I see this world is becoming
0:34:55 > 0:35:01disposable, disposable nappies, disposable cell phones, disposable
0:35:02 > 0:35:04governments, even disposable banks. It just doesn't seem like there is
0:35:05 > 0:35:11anything that can be done any more. Let me tell you this, if you ever
0:35:12 > 0:35:17feel lonely or a bit down, come on the television and flick the comedy.
0:35:18 > 0:35:24Have yourself a good laugh. From Dad's Army to Fawlty Towers, Only
0:35:25 > 0:35:26Falls And Horses,, we'll be there, you can depend on that. Agnes Brown,
0:35:27 > 0:35:46out. Mammy,... What, love? Can we talk?
0:35:47 > 0:36:30What do you want? I need ten grand. Don't look at me like that.
0:36:31 > 0:36:36Like what? Like what? I'm just going to ask her.
0:36:37 > 0:36:38I'm just going to come... Can't do it, I can't do it.
0:36:39 > 0:36:44Can't do it. Can't do it.