0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language and adult humour.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11SHE CHUCKLES
0:00:11 > 0:00:15Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18- # She's Mrs Brown - Agnes
0:00:18 > 0:00:20- # That's Mrs Brown - Agnes
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# Oh, Mrs Brown. #
0:00:23 > 0:00:25APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:33Now, Grandad,
0:00:33 > 0:00:36when I give you the signal,
0:00:36 > 0:00:38press the button.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39All right?
0:00:56 > 0:01:00Ohhh! Ahhhh!
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Ohhh! Such pain a woman goes through!
0:01:04 > 0:01:09But no pain is too much to give birth to this special child!
0:01:09 > 0:01:13Ohhh! Stand by, Grandad, stand by.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Ohhh!
0:01:16 > 0:01:19A child that will change the world...
0:01:21 > 0:01:23..a child who can...
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Press it harder! A child who can...
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Ahhh!
0:01:29 > 0:01:30BANG!
0:01:36 > 0:01:39A child who will need a fuckin' crash helmet!
0:01:41 > 0:01:42Mammy, what the hell are you doing?
0:01:42 > 0:01:46I'm trying to get this contraption ready for the virgin birth.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48This nativity play has gone to your head.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Just have the baby appear in the crib.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54That's what everybody else does.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01I don't want to do what everyone else does.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03I watch these nativity plays over the years
0:02:03 > 0:02:06and the one thing they always leave out is the actual birth.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08So what?
0:02:08 > 0:02:09So what?
0:02:09 > 0:02:13We go through our lives being told how Jesus suffered for our sins.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17And not one mention of how Mary suffered so that Jesus could suffer.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Well, not in this nativity play!
0:02:20 > 0:02:22You are mad.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25No, I am a mother.
0:02:27 > 0:02:28Hello.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32I hope you had a wonderful Christmas. We did.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34SHE CHUCKLES
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Oh, this is a very special week.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38It's nativity play week.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41The hall is booked, I have me script finished.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43I just have to have it passed by Father Damien.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47He should be here by now.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Grandad, there's tea there.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Don't you catch anything in that thing.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59DOORBELL RINGS
0:02:59 > 0:03:01I'll get that, Mammy.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02That should be Father Damien now.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Do you know, I wasn't sure about him at first.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08A bit wishy-washy for my liking, you know.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10But I have to be honest, I'm starting to take to him.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Hello, Grandad.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15Bless him.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Hello, Mrs Brown.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20Hello, Father. Sit down, Father Damien. Tea?
0:03:20 > 0:03:22- Yes please.- I'll get it, Mammy.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26Thanks, love. Well, there you are, the finished nativity script.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Excellent.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Men Are Bastards?
0:03:32 > 0:03:34It's just a working title.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Mammy, seriously?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40What? It was a man who wouldn't give them a room.
0:03:40 > 0:03:41And Herod was a man.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43And Joseph was a man,
0:03:43 > 0:03:46and he never booked a room in advance.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47Your mother has a point.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51But still, I think we'll cross it out.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Uh-uh...
0:03:53 > 0:03:54Nah.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56What are you crossing out now?
0:03:56 > 0:03:59The shepherd saying, "Holy shit, is that a UFO?"
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Well, what would they think it was?
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Look, let's not do this now.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Why don't I take this home, go through it
0:04:06 > 0:04:07and we can talk about it later?
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Now, we need to think about a director.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13- I'm the director. - Mrs Brown, you're in the play
0:04:13 > 0:04:14and you've written the play.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16I suppose, you know.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19I think we should have a different eye on it.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Now, I love the theatre!
0:04:21 > 0:04:23I'll direct it, Mammy.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25You trust me, don't you?
0:04:25 > 0:04:26Well, I suppose, yeah.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28That's a great idea(!)
0:04:28 > 0:04:30We'll direct it together.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Right, I must be off.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34I'll get back to you soon on this.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Do, Father. I want this nativity play to be special.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39To have love and warmth...
0:04:39 > 0:04:40BANG!
0:04:44 > 0:04:47..to show just how important the birth of every baby is.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48BANG!
0:04:50 > 0:04:51Give up!
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Right, then. I have to go talk to the narrator.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Narrator? What narrator?
0:04:56 > 0:04:59- From the church committee. Mrs Nicholson.- Hillary!
0:04:59 > 0:05:00BANG!
0:05:02 > 0:05:04She's not muscling in on this!
0:05:04 > 0:05:05Oh, she's very excited
0:05:05 > 0:05:08and as you two have triplet grandchildren coming,
0:05:08 > 0:05:10I thought it would lend a family feel to the whole thing.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11Family feel?
0:05:11 > 0:05:13BANG!
0:05:13 > 0:05:17I don't know what family you're talking about, unless it's the Addams Family.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18BANG!
0:05:21 > 0:05:22I'll kill you, ya bastard!
0:05:32 > 0:05:33Ah!
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Don't touch that, Grandad.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41I'm not sure if this increases the power or decreases the power.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43Ah-ah.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45I mean it, Grandad, don't touch that trigger!
0:05:45 > 0:05:47You could launch me, for God's sake.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55How are you, Cathy?
0:05:55 > 0:05:56Is your Mammy about, pet?
0:05:56 > 0:05:59In the sitting room, in labour.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01What?
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Mammy, it's Winnie.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04BANG!
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Where's Mammy?
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Mammy?
0:06:16 > 0:06:19I told him not to touch that fuckin' trigger. Aaah!
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Thanks, love.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Ohhh, ooh.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Are you hurt from the baby cannon?
0:06:38 > 0:06:40No, it's just me wrist is weak.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43I used to get that when Jacko was younger.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46It's cramp.
0:06:46 > 0:06:47It's called wank...
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Winnie!
0:06:52 > 0:06:53It's the Christmas episode.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00It's called rheumatism.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03You should see Doctor Flynn about that.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07There's no point. He'll just say, "Take paracetamol" and that's that.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09What about a homeopath?
0:07:09 > 0:07:10Dino?
0:07:14 > 0:07:17No, Mammy, a homeopathic remedy.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20There's lots! Copper bracelets, for instance.
0:07:20 > 0:07:21No, I tried that.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24It didn't do anything for the pain, it just turned me whole wrist green.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28Me wrist looked like the Incredible Hulk's dangler.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Well, have you tried magnets?
0:07:32 > 0:07:36I'll tell you what, I'll try and pick you up a couple in town today.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38I'd try anything, love.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39I'll see you later, so.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Agnes, you see this nativity?
0:07:43 > 0:07:46- Yeah.- Well, Johnny, the box collector,
0:07:46 > 0:07:48and Willie, the sweeper from the market,
0:07:48 > 0:07:50they were asking if they could be in it.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Winnie, you can't just go round giving out parts like that.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55This is my play.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Please...
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Fine. Tell them they can be shepherds.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04But no more, I mean it!
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Would you consider Sharon for the virgin?
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Winnie, see them?
0:08:09 > 0:08:11They're paracetamol...
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Not fuckin' morphine.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Mammy, Father Damien asked me to go through some of the script,
0:08:21 > 0:08:23explain why he wants you to take stuff out.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Take it out? It took me ages to write that thing.
0:08:25 > 0:08:26Well, some of it's not on.
0:08:26 > 0:08:27Like what?
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Well, nobody ever called Joseph 'Joey'.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35And he was never in a gang called the Nazareth Massive.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40You're ripping me story to pieces.
0:08:40 > 0:08:41Look, will you just trust me to go through
0:08:41 > 0:08:44and take out what's absolutely necessary?
0:08:44 > 0:08:46I trust you to do anything, son.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Thanks, Mammy.
0:08:48 > 0:08:49There's just one more thing.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50What?
0:08:50 > 0:08:52You can't use the baby cannon.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55But I'm after getting the feckin'...
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Look, I'll go along with the birth scene,
0:08:57 > 0:09:00but you can't go launching the baby Jesus from a cannon.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Look, what they've done to my son, Lord!
0:09:08 > 0:09:11"Young man required to work as mud flap.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15"Must be flexible and willing to travel."
0:09:21 > 0:09:22Here comes trouble.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Hiya, Ma.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Have you come to give me three wishes?
0:09:29 > 0:09:31I see you've brought Ali Baba with you as well.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Ah, don't be like that, Mrs Brown.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35I might just have the answer to all your dreams.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39Not unless you had Brad Pitt, Matt Damon and a small pony in that box.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Seriously, Ma, Cathy was saying magnets might help your rheumatism.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Show her, Buster.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47I already got magnets from Cathy.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48Are they working?
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Not really.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Ah-ha! Well, take a look at this.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Jesus, it's huge!
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Yeah, it has to be, to fit round a horse's leg.
0:10:02 > 0:10:03A horse?
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Yeah, it's for a racehorse.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Just think, Ma, if it works for a horse...
0:10:08 > 0:10:09..It'll work for a cow.
0:10:13 > 0:10:18Or a sheep or a goat or a racing pigeon.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Or even you, Mrs Brown.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Right, well, I'll leave it with ya.
0:10:26 > 0:10:27HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:10:27 > 0:10:29On the usual 30-day-money-back deal.
0:10:29 > 0:10:30What did you say?
0:10:30 > 0:10:32I mean, Happy Christmas, Mrs Brown...
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Don't even think about it.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37That's what I thought you'd said.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Oh, wait, one more thing.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41I got that off a jockey friend of mine.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43And the only thing he wants in return
0:10:43 > 0:10:45is to be in the nativity play.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48OK. Tell him he can be a shepherd.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Oh, he'll love that! He used to work in a newsagents.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Jesus, I think I can feel a bit of relief from that already.
0:11:02 > 0:11:03MAGNETIC WAVES
0:11:10 > 0:11:11Ca...
0:11:15 > 0:11:17MAGNETIC WAVES
0:11:21 > 0:11:22Cathy!
0:11:22 > 0:11:23Cathy!
0:11:23 > 0:11:24What the hell?
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Call Dermot, quick. Go get him.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30MAGNETIC WAVES
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Right, thanks.
0:11:44 > 0:11:45Well?
0:11:45 > 0:11:46It needs a key.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48And the vet is away for the new year.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50That's a week!
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Will you manage for a week?
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Ah...
0:11:57 > 0:12:01I suppose I'll just have to cope with one arm behind me back.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04It's not funny.
0:12:04 > 0:12:05It is a bit.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Your Ma looks like a Swiss Army Knife.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10HE LAUGHS
0:12:19 > 0:12:20Very good, very good.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Now, Dermot, what have you got me for the donkey?
0:12:26 > 0:12:28That's a zebra, not a donkey.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30She has a point, love.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32How do you know it wasn't a zebra in the Bible?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34He has a point, love.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Because it says in the Bible, a donkey.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40And, anyway, zebras live in southern Africa.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Well, maybe this zebra is lost.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Look, it's the best I could do.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47I might be able to get a camel.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49No, no, no, no. A zebra's fine.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52For God's sake, Mammy, a zebra is not fine.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Look, if it comes to a choice between a donkey in pyjamas
0:12:55 > 0:12:57and a donkey with a hump, I take the pyjamas.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02As they say, donkey is in the eye of the beholder.
0:13:04 > 0:13:09So what have you got for the stable animals? A polar bear?
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Were you looking in my bag?
0:13:13 > 0:13:15- Ma.- Yes, love?
0:13:15 > 0:13:17You have me in here as one of the kings.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21No, son. I have you in as the main king.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23The main king.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25What am I in it, Agnes?
0:13:25 > 0:13:26Mary Magdalene.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Oh, that's great!
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Is she in the nativity?
0:13:33 > 0:13:35I thought she wasn't in the story for years.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Just in case, Winnie, stay well in the background.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Well, well, it's all stations go in here!
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Yes, it is, Father. Trevor, you're the innkeeper.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Go any try on your stuff.
0:13:46 > 0:13:47What about me, Mrs Brown?
0:13:47 > 0:13:50- What, Father? - What am I in the play?
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Oh, I had you down as the narrator,
0:13:52 > 0:13:54but you gave that part away, didn't you?
0:13:56 > 0:13:58To Hillary.
0:13:58 > 0:14:02Maria, love, is your mother coming over for a fitting?
0:14:02 > 0:14:05No, Mrs Brown. She says she has her own costume organised.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06Has she?
0:14:07 > 0:14:09God knows what that'll feckin' be.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18Bitch!
0:14:18 > 0:14:21- Who is?- Hillary! She's out there like feckin' Cleopatra.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24You never have an asp when you need one.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35It was over 2,000 years ago
0:14:35 > 0:14:39and the world was in an awful state altogether.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42I didn't write this.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45In the small village of Nazareth...
0:14:45 > 0:14:47APPLAUSE
0:14:51 > 0:14:53..lived a young virgin.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55THEY LAUGH
0:14:55 > 0:14:56Hey!
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Her name was Mary.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03She lived a simple life
0:15:03 > 0:15:07until one night a wondrous, magical thing happened.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09An angel of the Lord appeared to her.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11EXPLOSION
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Oh, shit, shit! I'm on fire! >
0:15:19 > 0:15:24Oh, wondrous being, who are you and what do you want?
0:15:24 > 0:15:26I'm burning!
0:15:26 > 0:15:28What do you fuckin' want?
0:15:30 > 0:15:35I am the Angel Michael and I come with a message from above.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38You are with child and it is a very special child.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41But this cannot be, for I am a virgin.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43THEY LAUGH
0:15:43 > 0:15:44Hey!
0:15:46 > 0:15:49You will bear this child. A child of the Holy Spirit.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Really, I'm burnt.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55Thanks!
0:15:56 > 0:15:59But...how can this be? For I am still...
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Look, missus, just have the kid and move on. It's in the script.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Curtain!
0:16:06 > 0:16:07APPLAUSE
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Right, Buster, be more professional.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13HE MOANS
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Mammy! Let's just move on.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Get to Bethlehem.
0:16:18 > 0:16:19Bethlehem.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23Where the fuck is Bethlehem? Winnie! Get the fuck back here.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Hillary, take the next one.
0:16:28 > 0:16:33And it came to pass that, sometime later, a census was called
0:16:33 > 0:16:40and a pregnant Mary and her husband Joseph had to go to the town of Bethlehem to register.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42APPLAUSE
0:16:47 > 0:16:49< Where's everybody?
0:16:49 > 0:16:51The donkey?
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Winnie, fuck off.
0:16:56 > 0:16:57Where's the feckin' donkey?
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Mammy, Dino's not here yet. Can we wait?
0:17:00 > 0:17:02No, Rory, the show must go on.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04It was a busy time.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08It was difficult to find.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10But, Mammy, who'll play the front half?
0:17:10 > 0:17:11Grandad, put that on.
0:17:11 > 0:17:12HE MOANS
0:17:15 > 0:17:18They went up the mountains and down the mountains
0:17:18 > 0:17:21and still they could find nowhere to stay.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25And...then, they came across an inn.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36BREAKING WIND
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Oh, Grandad!
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Oh, my God!
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Oh, look! It's an inn.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Shall we try here?
0:18:08 > 0:18:09Who is it, dear?
0:18:09 > 0:18:14It is a man, a pregnant woman and half a donkey-zebra.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Half? Oh, for Christ's sake.
0:18:17 > 0:18:18I've had enough.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24My husband has just gone to park the donkey.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27You have a double room?
0:18:27 > 0:18:28The bridal?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30No, we're going bareback.
0:18:33 > 0:18:34< This is a mess!
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Feckin'...curtain.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37APPLAUSE
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Rory, one little fart.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Mammy, stop!
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Just move things along.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Get the angel ready.
0:18:48 > 0:18:49I don't want to do this any more.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53# Jingle bells...
0:18:54 > 0:18:56- # ..Jingle...- Hilary!
0:18:57 > 0:19:02There was no room at the inn, but there was a stable at the back,
0:19:02 > 0:19:05so Mary and Joseph went there to spend the night.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08APPLAUSE
0:19:15 > 0:19:17In the meantime, in a field close by,
0:19:17 > 0:19:19some shepherds are tending their flock...
0:19:19 > 0:19:22MURMURING
0:19:27 > 0:19:28Baa!
0:19:30 > 0:19:33..when they are approached by three kings.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39- We are three kings. - THEY SING: # Ah, ha, ha! #
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Higher, higher.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42Mammy, get ready for the angel.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Faster, faster!
0:19:44 > 0:19:45BANGING NOISE
0:19:45 > 0:19:46HE MOANS
0:19:50 > 0:19:52We're following an angel.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Oh, look, there he is now.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Glorious angel, fly on and we shall follow.
0:20:03 > 0:20:04Angel!
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Fly on and we shall follow.
0:20:23 > 0:20:24Curtain, curtain!
0:20:24 > 0:20:26APPLAUSE
0:20:29 > 0:20:31The shepherds then asked the kings
0:20:31 > 0:20:36if they too could come to see this baby that was the son of God.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39And the king said, "Sure, pal, no bother."
0:20:40 > 0:20:43C'mon, it's the big birth scene. Everybody, get ready.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Maria, I thought you said the triplets were too sick to be here?
0:20:46 > 0:20:48- They are.- So what are we doing for the baby Jesus?
0:20:48 > 0:20:49Betty?
0:20:49 > 0:20:51I don't know. Your mother said she had it sorted.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53I'll go and try to find a baby.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Meanwhile... in the stable behind the inn,
0:20:56 > 0:20:59with Mary surrounded by animals,
0:20:59 > 0:21:02the baby was about to be born.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04APPLAUSE
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Arrggghh!
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Arrggghh!
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Oooahh!
0:21:14 > 0:21:15Oh, Lord,
0:21:15 > 0:21:17your son is about to be born.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Huurrgh!
0:21:19 > 0:21:23SHE PANTS
0:21:23 > 0:21:25He is coming!
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Arrgghhhah! Aah!
0:21:28 > 0:21:29- CALMLY:- He has arrived.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35HE CRIES
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Jesus Christ!
0:21:40 > 0:21:42What a wonderful name! We shall call him that.
0:21:45 > 0:21:46Curtain!
0:21:50 > 0:21:55Mammy, what the hell are you doing? Grandad?
0:21:55 > 0:21:57I had to improvise. The show must go on.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00- Everybody, get ready for the visit of the kings.- Mammy!
0:22:00 > 0:22:03- What?- This is your last chance.
0:22:03 > 0:22:08If anything else gets weird, I am taking over, we will do it my way.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Weird? Don't be ridiculous! Grandad, get into that crib.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Hillary! Hillary, take it!
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Hillary!
0:22:21 > 0:22:22HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:22:22 > 0:22:24For God's sake!
0:22:33 > 0:22:37Soon, the angel stopped and hovered over the stable.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39APPLAUSE
0:22:43 > 0:22:45And the three kings arrived.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51We were lead here by the glorious angel.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Sorry, Ma.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56We were lead here by the glorious angel.
0:22:57 > 0:23:01Ah! This is cutting the nuts off me!
0:23:01 > 0:23:04We were guided by this angel who hovers above the stable.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Oh, shit!
0:23:06 > 0:23:07HE SCREAMS
0:23:08 > 0:23:13To see the child Christ. He who will unite all men.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15And bring peace on this Earth.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Really?
0:23:17 > 0:23:19THREE KINGS: Uh-huh!
0:23:19 > 0:23:20Well, here he is.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25But, first, I must breastfeed him.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27ALL: No! Curtain!
0:23:27 > 0:23:28AUDIENCE: Curtain!
0:23:28 > 0:23:30APPLAUSE
0:23:33 > 0:23:34- Mammy?- What?
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Have you gone mad?
0:23:36 > 0:23:37It's perfectly natural!
0:23:37 > 0:23:39That's it, Mammy, you're off the set.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Excuse me, this is my show!
0:23:42 > 0:23:45No, Mammy, it's the family's show.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49Sharon, get out and talk to them, and be nice.
0:23:49 > 0:23:53Maria, let's do it the way we planned.
0:23:53 > 0:23:54Planned?
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Betty, get Bono and his friends ready.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00And Betty, you're the Virgin Mary.
0:24:00 > 0:24:01No, I'm the Virgin Mary!
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Mammy, out!
0:24:07 > 0:24:10OK, everybody, places!
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Excuse me. Everybody...
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Shh...
0:24:21 > 0:24:22Shut up!
0:24:24 > 0:24:28We hope you enjoyed the warm-up. Now, for your pleasure...
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Hey, where are you going? Sit, sit, sit!
0:24:31 > 0:24:34The nativity, according to the Brown family and friends.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36APPLAUSE
0:24:43 > 0:24:45MUSIC PLAYS
0:24:48 > 0:24:51# A spaceman came travelling
0:24:51 > 0:24:53# On his ship from afar
0:24:53 > 0:24:58# 'Twas light years of time Since his mission did start
0:24:58 > 0:25:03# And over a village He halted his craft
0:25:03 > 0:25:07# And it hung in the sky like a star
0:25:09 > 0:25:12# Just like a star... #
0:25:12 > 0:25:13Beautiful.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Yeah, well, eh... It...yeah.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18# ..Then, the stranger spoke
0:25:18 > 0:25:20# And he said "Do not fear
0:25:20 > 0:25:25# "I come from a planet A long way from here
0:25:25 > 0:25:30# "And I bring a message For mankind to hear"
0:25:30 > 0:25:37# And suddenly, the sweetest music
0:25:37 > 0:25:42# Filled the air
0:25:42 > 0:25:48# And it went La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
0:25:48 > 0:25:52# La, la, la, la, la, la, la
0:25:52 > 0:25:58# La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
0:25:58 > 0:26:04# Peace and goodwill to all men
0:26:04 > 0:26:07# And love for the child
0:26:09 > 0:26:13# La, la, la, la, la, la, la... #
0:26:13 > 0:26:15MAGNETIC WAVES
0:26:15 > 0:26:17# ..La, la, la, la, la, la, la... #
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Oh, Father, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!
0:26:19 > 0:26:24# ..La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
0:26:24 > 0:26:30# Peace and goodwill to all men
0:26:30 > 0:26:35# And love for the child. #
0:26:35 > 0:26:37APPLAUSE
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Oh, Betty, you were brilliant as the Virgin Mary!
0:26:47 > 0:26:50- Yeah, did you do it from memory? - THEY LAUGH
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Must have a marvellous memory, it being so long ago.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55- THEY LAUGH - Get lost, you two!
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Mammy, put the kettle on!
0:26:59 > 0:27:01I don't think she's in there, Cathy.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Actually, I haven't seen her since we got back.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05She has to be in there.
0:27:06 > 0:27:07Mammy!
0:27:11 > 0:27:12Mammy?
0:27:15 > 0:27:19And on that night, which seemed like a very ordinary night,
0:27:19 > 0:27:23a very extraordinary thing was happening.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26A young woman giving birth to a child...
0:27:27 > 0:27:31..a child that would change this world for ever.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35And she would cherish him all of his short life.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38She would worry for him, care for him,
0:27:38 > 0:27:42and follow his every footstep through this troubled world.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45And he would perform miracles,
0:27:45 > 0:27:48preach to the elders of the church,
0:27:48 > 0:27:51let the blind see and the lame walk.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55And all of the time,
0:27:55 > 0:27:57she would simply worry.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01Has he changed his underwear today?
0:28:08 > 0:28:10I would have been a great Mary.
0:28:23 > 0:28:29# Say hello to the queen Of Dublin town
0:28:29 > 0:28:35# As the best mum of all She wears the crown
0:28:35 > 0:28:39# Mother hen watching all her chicks
0:28:39 > 0:28:42# Sassy old lady full of tricks
0:28:42 > 0:28:48# It's a safe bet she'd never let life get her down
0:28:48 > 0:28:51# She's Mrs Brown
0:28:51 > 0:28:54# That's Mrs Brown
0:28:54 > 0:28:56# Oh, Mrs Brown. #
0:28:59 > 0:29:00SHE CHUCKLES
0:29:00 > 0:29:04Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd