0:00:02 > 0:00:10This programme contains strong language
0:00:10 > 0:00:11SHE LAUGHS
0:00:11 > 0:00:15Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys!
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# She's Mrs Brown
0:00:18 > 0:00:21# That's Mrs Brown
0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Our Mrs Brown. #
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Right, there she is. She's all yours.
0:00:31 > 0:00:35Welcome to the new Acme Turbo 2000 Christmas tree,
0:00:35 > 0:00:38- the last tree you'll ever have to buy.- What do I have to do?
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Well, to decorate it, just press that button there.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44- Ohhh! - SHE LAUGHS
0:00:44 > 0:00:47No more going round the tree looking for a branch.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48The branches come to you.
0:00:48 > 0:00:49And...
0:00:49 > 0:00:52do you ever have trouble putting the star at the top of the tree?
0:00:58 > 0:00:59Shit!
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Sometimes.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Well, never again, missus. Just press that button there.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Ohhh!
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Voila! Right, well, I'll leave you with it, so.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17- Merry Christmas,- missus. Merry Christmas, son. That's fantastic.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18Oh, yeah!
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Did you want to say something, love?
0:01:20 > 0:01:23- What?- Now, you see? You've got a speaking part now.
0:01:23 > 0:01:24They have to pay you extra.
0:01:26 > 0:01:27Merry Christmas, son.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32SHE LAUGHS
0:01:32 > 0:01:36Oh, this is fantastic. No more acrobatics from me with the tree.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Grandad!
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Grandad, look.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41I have a tree that moves.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43More than you buckin' do.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48- You here, Ma?- I'm here, love. I'll be in in a second. Put the kettle on.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Don't put your buckin' hand on that.
0:01:52 > 0:01:57- What are we going to do, Mark?- Don't worry, Mammy'll get it out of him.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- Hello, little man!- Hi, Granny.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Oh, Bono, you look very sad. What's wrong?
0:02:03 > 0:02:06- Mammy and Daddy are mad at me.- Why?
0:02:06 > 0:02:09- He wrote his letter to Santa and posted it.- Good boy.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11But now he won't tell us what's in it.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Well, that's private, between him and Santa.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19- See?- But, Bono, we want to get you a present for Christmas.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21What if we get him the same thing he asked Santa for?
0:02:21 > 0:02:22You won't.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Santa knows things that parents don't know.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26- Am I right, Bono?- Aye.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29- See, Mammy? Granny knows everything. - Oh, stop it!
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Well, y'know...
0:02:32 > 0:02:33Bono, go and wait in the car.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Mrs Brown, I wish you wouldn't always agree with him.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Now he'll never tell us.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Ulster says no.
0:02:46 > 0:02:47Don't mind Betty, Ma.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49I know you have a plan to find out what's in Bono's letter.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50SHE LAUGHS
0:02:50 > 0:02:52No.
0:02:53 > 0:02:54Ah, for feck's sake!
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Hello, Dermot!
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Hello, son. You look like
0:03:07 > 0:03:10you're having a shit down someone's chimney!
0:03:10 > 0:03:12- Hiya, Mammy. - Get your feet off the table.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15- Ooh! - SHE LAUGHS
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- Dermot, love, would you like a cup of tea?- No, Mammy.
0:03:20 > 0:03:21Listen, Buster has a great idea.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23- SHE LAUGHS - That'll be a first. What is it?
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Crackers, Mrs Brown.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28- Christmas crackers.- You're too late, son. They've already been invented.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- Not like this. - Jesus, that's a big one.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Where did I hear that before?
0:03:36 > 0:03:37Pull it.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43I haven't heard that for a long time!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Ooh!
0:03:46 > 0:03:50- Ooh, that's a big prize for a cracker.- They have no boxes.
0:03:50 > 0:03:55But if I wrapped them and sold them as luxury crackers,
0:03:55 > 0:03:57they wouldn't need a box. They'll do great.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58It's not your worst idea, Buster.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01But you have to get them to crack like a cracker.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03- I mean, that just went... - SHE POPS
0:04:03 > 0:04:05I'm working on it, Mrs Brown. A step at a time.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07I don't want to become too successful too soon.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09SHE LAUGHS
0:04:09 > 0:04:11I don't think there's any danger of that!
0:04:16 > 0:04:18# This is Christmas season
0:04:18 > 0:04:25# So there isn't any reason We can't dance the Christmas polka
0:04:25 > 0:04:28# Christmas trees and holly Everyone's so jolly... #
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Hello there.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43STUDIO AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS
0:04:46 > 0:04:49# Christmas trees and holly Everyone's so jolly
0:04:49 > 0:04:52# Dancing the Christmas polka! #
0:04:56 > 0:05:00Hello, Dermot, son! Jeez, you must be melting in there!
0:05:02 > 0:05:06- Do you want a cup of tea, son? - No, Mammy. Just need the loo.- Oh.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08- You're very chirpy. - Well, Christmas is in the air.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Here, don't you leave that toilet full of feckin' ice cubes.
0:05:11 > 0:05:12SHE LAUGHS
0:05:12 > 0:05:15You might have... He...
0:05:15 > 0:05:18You know the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
0:05:18 > 0:05:19Snowballs.
0:05:21 > 0:05:22Nice, isn't it?
0:05:25 > 0:05:29- Hello, Winnie!- Agnes, have you got a cure for hiccups?- Yes. If you...
0:05:29 > 0:05:32- BLAGH-HA!- Jesus Christ! What did you do that for?
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Well, you don't have hiccups now.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37I didn't have hiccups. Sharon has them.
0:05:37 > 0:05:38Feck's sake!
0:05:38 > 0:05:40You've made me wet meself!
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Where was I? Oh, yes.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54It's nice, isn't it? Yes, it's for Sunday night.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56See, it was Cathy's idea.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59You know? She said that everyone is so busy at Christmas,
0:05:59 > 0:06:01why don't we have a Christmas night for family and friends
0:06:01 > 0:06:03before Christmas?
0:06:03 > 0:06:06So we're having it on Sunday night. I can't wait for it.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Hello, son. I'm just saying I'm looking forward to Sunday night.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- It'll be a fun night.- Yeah.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15I hope you don't mind, but Maria thought her mammy should come along.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16Hillary?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19That's nice...
0:06:19 > 0:06:21There goes the fuckin' fun night.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24I like Maria's mother.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27She says I'm amazing to have turned out so well, considering.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Considering what?
0:06:33 > 0:06:34Considering...
0:06:35 > 0:06:37..Daddy dying when I was so young.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41You just feckin' thought of that now, didn't you?
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Didn't I?
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Hey, Dermo. Hello, Mrs Brown.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50What's the craic with the Christmas crackers? Are they cracking yet?
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Cos if they don't crack like a cracker should crack,
0:06:52 > 0:06:54you'll be getting your crackers back.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02I think I have it cracked.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07I'm using gunpowder from fireworks to make the crackers crack.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11What could go wrong?
0:07:12 > 0:07:15I have one done, Dermo. It's in the car. Come on, I'll show you.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17I'll follow you.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- So it's OK Mrs Nicholson coming, then?- Hillary is welcome.
0:07:20 > 0:07:21It is the season of goodwill.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23And she can join in all the family parlour games.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Yeah...
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Er...Mammy?
0:07:28 > 0:07:31On Sunday night, no Trivial Pursuit.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33- Why not?- Because it always ends in a fight.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37And I want this to be a peaceful Christmas party. End of story.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39But it can be fun!
0:07:39 > 0:07:42- What's fun?- Trivial Pursuit.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46- Ah, Jesus, no.- It's only a game.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Not when you play it, Mammy.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Last year, Dino had to have counselling.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56That's right. There was some terrible row about... What was it?
0:07:56 > 0:07:58- I can't remember. - A hot-air balloon or something.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Zeppelin. It was a Zeppelin.
0:08:01 > 0:08:02Oh, well, it doesn't matter.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04It does matter, Cathy!
0:08:04 > 0:08:07There's a huge difference between a Zeppelin and a hot-air balloon.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09You MUST go with the answer that's on the card.
0:08:11 > 0:08:16Calm down, Mammy! Rory's right, no Trivial Pursuit.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20Oh, Mammy, me and Dino'll be late getting here on Sunday night.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23We've a stag do to go to.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Alan and Carla are getting married on New Year's Day!
0:08:26 > 0:08:28- Awww!- Happy Christmas, Dermo!
0:08:28 > 0:08:30HUGE EXPLOSION
0:08:34 > 0:08:36I'll get your head.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45I think it's... I think it's a little bit too much powder.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48An exploding cracker.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50It must be the Christmas episode.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57My cat can say her own name.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59It's because you called her Meow.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Why do they always have Christmas
0:09:03 > 0:09:05at a time when the shops are so busy?
0:09:06 > 0:09:07Yeah, it's terrible.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13- Did you get me card yet? - What card?- Me Christmas card!
0:09:13 > 0:09:17- I posted it to you four days ago. - Winnie, you only live next door.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19I know, it should have arrived by now.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24No, I mean you could've just handed it to me.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28Ah, no, Agnes. It's really special getting a card in the post.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32I think it feels cheap if somebody just hands it to you
0:09:32 > 0:09:34without bothering to put a stamp on or nothing.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Here's your card.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Thanks, love.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41- Hiya.- Hiyas!- Hello, girls!
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Oh, Mrs Brown, thank you for inviting my mother to your party.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46- Don't mention it. - It was really kind of you.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48- No, don't mention it. - She's very excited.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Seriously, don't fuckin' mention it.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53I'm trying to forget she's coming.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Here, watch this for a laugh.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58- Hiya, Betty, love.- Hiya, Mrs Brown.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Oh, Betty, just to let you know, I spoke to Bono.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03I found out what he wants for Christmas.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04- Really?- Mm.- What?
0:10:04 > 0:10:06A snake.
0:10:06 > 0:10:11- A snake?- One of them python things. - Oh, God. I can't bear snakes.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Well, he told Santa that his little heart would break
0:10:13 > 0:10:16- if he didn't get one.- Oh, my God. I can't break his little heart.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- You'll be fine, Betty.- Yes.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23They're really easy to care for. You only have to feed them once a week.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25- A live mouse.- A talking pussy.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30A python? Urgh! Why does he want a python?
0:10:30 > 0:10:32He said because his daddy has one.
0:10:35 > 0:10:40- Mark?- He must have overheard you saying, "That's a big python, Mark."
0:10:40 > 0:10:42MRS BROWN SNIGGERS I never said...
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Oh, shut up, the lot of you!
0:10:46 > 0:10:48If someone comes at my pussy with a snake...
0:10:50 > 0:10:52It'll be swallowed whole.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06My mother used to say, "Buster, if you're not good, Santa won't come."
0:11:06 > 0:11:09It just didn't seem worthwhile changing me whole lifestyle
0:11:09 > 0:11:10for a yo-yo and an apple.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16Yes, well, I try to concentrate more on the religious side of the season.
0:11:16 > 0:11:17Oh. I used to, too.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19I prayed one year for a bike.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22- God doesn't work like that.- I know.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25So I robbed the bike and then I asked God for forgiveness.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Do you know what I mean?
0:11:35 > 0:11:38- Do you want a hand, Agnes?- It's going very well, Winnie.- It's great.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41- Where's Rory?- He's at a stag party. Him and Dino'll be joining us later.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Oh!
0:11:43 > 0:11:47- Now, Hillary, some petits fours? - Oh, dear, yes, please!
0:11:47 > 0:11:50I'm afraid I've nearly eaten all of Grandad's peanuts.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54- I hope he won't mind. - Well, he will be a bit annoyed.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56It took him the whole day to suck all the chocolate off them.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05- What about some family games? - ALL: Yes!
0:12:05 > 0:12:06MRS BROWN LAUGHS
0:12:06 > 0:12:08We could play Trivial Pursuit.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09ALL: No!
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Yes! No.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- What about charades? - ALL: Yeah!
0:12:14 > 0:12:15Let me see. OK.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Film.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Four words.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23Silent.
0:12:23 > 0:12:24Hush.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Finger.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28- Quiet. - HE WHISPERS:- Finger.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33- Peaceful.- Silence.
0:12:33 > 0:12:34Silence Of The Lambs!
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Fourth word. One syllable.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Silence Of The Lambs!
0:12:40 > 0:12:41Legs?
0:12:41 > 0:12:42Knees.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45Limbs?
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Silence Of The Limbs!
0:12:47 > 0:12:51Well done! You got it right, Mrs Nicholson! Silence Of The Limbs.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Well done indeed, Mrs Nicholson. Brilliant.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Hold on a buckin' minute!
0:12:57 > 0:13:00There's no such film! It's Silence Of The LAMBS.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Well, it says here on the card Silence Of The Limbs,
0:13:03 > 0:13:05with Anthony Hopkins.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07- I never heard of that one. - Me neither.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Hold on a cotton-buckin' minute.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13The reason Betty never heard of it before is because it doesn't exist!
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Calm down, Mammy.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17One point to me.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Do not give her a point. She didn't get it.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- Where did we get this buckin'...? - Mammy, it's only a game.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Where did we get this buckin' game?
0:13:27 > 0:13:30I got them done up last year. Sold like hot cakes.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33"Film and a book about a great white shark.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35"Jews."
0:13:38 > 0:13:40"Film, musical, one word.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42"Oklahomo!"
0:13:44 > 0:13:48This game, one word, one syllable. Comes out your arse.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50- Shite!- Exactly.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55That's it. Let's play something else.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- I spy.- ALL: Yeah!- Good idea.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Mum, you go first, you won the last one.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04She didn't win the fuckin' last one!
0:14:04 > 0:14:05She got Silence Of The Limbs.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07- It wasn't Silence Of The...- Mammy!
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Will you just let Hillary go first?
0:14:10 > 0:14:11She...
0:14:19 > 0:14:20Fine.
0:14:21 > 0:14:26I spy with my little eye something beginning with F.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28- Fone.- No.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30- Fotograph!- No.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33- Foto frame. That's two Fs.- No.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Feckin' eejit.
0:14:35 > 0:14:36No!
0:14:36 > 0:14:37- Furniture.- No.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39- Flower?- No.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40- Food?- No.
0:14:40 > 0:14:41- Feet?- No.
0:14:41 > 0:14:42Fist?
0:14:44 > 0:14:47- No!- Flies? Grandad's fly's open.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- No!- Flagpole? Grandad's fly is open.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52SHE LAUGHS
0:14:53 > 0:14:55- No. Do you give up? ALL:- Yes.
0:14:55 > 0:14:56France.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03I spy! Something you can see!
0:15:03 > 0:15:05I was seeing it in my mind's eye.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07I'm going to fuckin' kill her.
0:15:08 > 0:15:13Mammy! It doesn't matter! It's only a bit of fun.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Look, we have to play these things by the rules.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Whatever we play next, we play by the feckin' rules.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21There must be something we can play that won't cause trouble.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Kick boxing.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26I have an idea.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32I think it was Colonel Mustard in the dining room with the lead pipe.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34- No, you're wrong, Buster. - How do you know?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36We're playing Monopoly.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41- Right, Mammy, your go. You're the iron.- Of course I'm the iron.
0:15:41 > 0:15:42Story of me feckin' life.
0:15:43 > 0:15:49One, two, three, four. Oh! £200, please. Passed go. Thank you!
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Five, six, seven, eight.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Pay income tax, £200.
0:15:53 > 0:15:54THEY LAUGH
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Feckin' stupid game.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Actually, it's a very realistic game.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00- Mummy, it's your go.- Oh!
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Oh, Maria, darling, could you move my ship?
0:16:04 > 0:16:07Oh, she has a ship, I have an iron.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09SHE GASPS Mayfair! I'll buy that.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11- How much?- £400, please.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Jolly good, I've got the full set now.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15- SHE MIMICS:- Jolly good, I've got the full set now.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17- Mammy!- Well, it's not fair.
0:16:17 > 0:16:21She's got the Mayfair set, the Piccadilly set, the Vine Street set,
0:16:21 > 0:16:23and I'm on me own on the Old Kent Road.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25Chance.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27I suppose I'm simply more skilful than you
0:16:27 > 0:16:30at assembling a property portfolio, Agnes.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Or cheating...
0:16:32 > 0:16:34"Pay hospital £100."
0:16:34 > 0:16:37She'll need a buckin' hospital in a few minutes.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38Maria?
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Oh, dear. Vine Street. And it has a hotel on it.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48- That's £1,000, I'm afraid, darling. - I only have 500.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51- Well, that's you busted, Maria. - It's OK, she can owe me the rest.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Thanks, Mum!
0:16:54 > 0:16:57- Your go, Buster.- I'm in jail.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Hold on one cotton-buckin' minute.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04- She can't owe you the rest. - Yes, she can.- No, she fuckin' can't!
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Yes, she flipping can.
0:17:06 > 0:17:07It's only a game.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10If you're going to play a game, you must play within the rules.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Dermot, back me up on this, son. I'm your mother!
0:17:12 > 0:17:14And I'm your wife.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Do you want to see your wife, mother of your three babies, bankrupt?
0:17:19 > 0:17:20Leave me out of this.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22- SHE SIGHS - Fine. My go.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Oh, look. I'll have five hotels
0:17:26 > 0:17:29- on the Old Kent Road, please. Thank you.- You can't have five hotels.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31- Why not?- Well, because it's against the rules.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Oh-ho, but there is no rules. Thank you very much.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35I threw a double, I'll go again.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Oh, now, four. One, two, three, four.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- Chance.- But you threw ten.- I don't care. I'm taking fuckin' four.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Oh, listen to this!
0:17:45 > 0:17:49Earthquake in London. Everything destroyed except the Old Kent Road.
0:17:49 > 0:17:50Oh!
0:17:55 > 0:17:59- Oh, come on, Rory. - No. I feel stupid.
0:17:59 > 0:18:04You should have read the invitation properly. It said, "Dress fancy."
0:18:08 > 0:18:11I thought it said fancy dress.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18- What's up?- Mammy threw a wobbly over the games.- Och, no.
0:18:19 > 0:18:24Come on, everybody, it's Christmas time. Cheer up. Let's play charades.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26- ALL: No. We tried it. - Oh, stop this now.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29We all have to make an effort, eh?
0:18:29 > 0:18:33Mrs Brown! Turn that frown upside down.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Pick a window, son. You're fuckin' leaving.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46How's it going in there, Mrs Brown?
0:18:46 > 0:18:51Buster's in jail, Maria's broke and Hillary is a pain in the arse.
0:18:51 > 0:18:52Well, at least I'm in profit.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55With the current climate in the property market, that's very good.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58SHE MIMICS
0:18:59 > 0:19:03Dino's right. Both of you. Mother, you need to make an effort, too.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Here, Grandad, why don't you have a go at doing a charade?
0:19:07 > 0:19:09I've got one for you, Grandad.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Film.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Three words. A film with three words.
0:19:23 > 0:19:24The Lost World.
0:19:26 > 0:19:27Well, do something else.
0:19:29 > 0:19:30Is it a comedy?
0:19:32 > 0:19:34- The Love Story?- Heart.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37- Hart To Hart!- Yeah. - Oh, no, that's on the telly.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39Hart To Hart. That's close.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Stab.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Attack.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46- Attack?!- Attack Of The Clones?
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Is it a sci-fi? Oh, no, he's back to love.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51Heart.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Attack...
0:19:53 > 0:19:55- Attack Of The Heart?- Heart Attack?
0:19:55 > 0:19:58No, there's no such film as fuckin' Heart Attack.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- No, no! He's having a heart attack!- Jesus!
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Get his pills, for God's sake.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05A Night In The Love Hotel.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15ELECTRICITY CRACKLES
0:20:19 > 0:20:23Grandad's fine. It was just his angina. He's resting.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25He'll be grand in the morning.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26Did he say what film it was?
0:20:29 > 0:20:30No.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35Mammy, some of your lights are not working on the tree.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37I'll get them before I go to bed.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39- Why do we do this, Mammy?- Do what?
0:20:39 > 0:20:43Every year, we end up having some stupid row.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Why can't we just be like a normal family?
0:20:45 > 0:20:47We are just like a normal family, Cathy.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51That's what families do at Christmas. They row.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Families get together every Christmas to remind themselves
0:20:53 > 0:20:56why they only get together once a year.
0:20:56 > 0:21:01- A Mammy truth.- Exactly. - Good night, Mammy.- Good night, love.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04SHE GROANS
0:21:04 > 0:21:07- SHE LAUGHS - Realistic game? Look at this one.
0:21:07 > 0:21:12Says, "Bank pays dividend..." Hmph! Not in this buckin' country.
0:21:16 > 0:21:17Bedtime.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Oh. Me feckin' lights.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Ah! Oh.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Ah! Oh.
0:21:41 > 0:21:42Ah! Oh.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52SHE CHUCKLES
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Ah, here it is.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Now, that's the one!
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Grandad! Grandad, stop that! Grandad, stop!
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Grandad! Grandad, stop!
0:22:47 > 0:22:50Grandad! Grandad, stop!
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Stop! Grandad! Stop!
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Grandad! Grandad, stop! Stop!
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Grandad, stop that now! GRANDAD!
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Grandad! Grandad, get away from it!
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Grandad, get away from that!
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Grandad!
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Grandad, stop, you bastard!
0:23:05 > 0:23:06Grandad!
0:23:06 > 0:23:08GRANDAD!
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Mammy?
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Mammy?
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Cathy!
0:23:25 > 0:23:26Cathy...
0:23:29 > 0:23:31I'm stuck in the fuckin' tree.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35Get the remote control!
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Good girl. Stop it now. Stop it!
0:23:43 > 0:23:47Stop it! Cathy, stop the feckin' thing, will you?!
0:23:47 > 0:23:50Cathy! Cathy!
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Will you stop the feckin' thing?!
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Cathy! Cathy!
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Oh, fuck this.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57LOUD CRASH
0:24:03 > 0:24:06So, the tree just started bucking like a rodeo bull?
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Fucking rodeo...
0:24:10 > 0:24:12It was Grandad. You bastard!
0:24:13 > 0:24:15That must have been awful.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Well, there was moments in it that were, you know...
0:24:21 > 0:24:23- It doesn't matter. - DOOR OPENS
0:24:26 > 0:24:30Buster, do sit down(!) What do you want?
0:24:30 > 0:24:33I was coming home from the police station, and I got thinking.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Whoa, whoa, whoa. What were you doing in the police station?
0:24:35 > 0:24:37It's Christmas.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40They invite me up every Christmas for a drink,
0:24:40 > 0:24:43just to say thanks for all the overtime.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Of course they do.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49And I had an idea of how to find out what's in Bono's letter to Santa.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51What is it?
0:24:51 > 0:24:53- Bono's staying here tonight, right? - Yes.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57Well, what if I arranged for a "Santa" to come here
0:24:57 > 0:24:59and ask Bono what was in his letter?
0:24:59 > 0:25:01That's not a bad idea, Agnes.
0:25:01 > 0:25:02It's worth a try, Buster.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Right, I'll get the chains in motion.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07It's wheels.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Yeah. Chains in wheels!
0:25:11 > 0:25:14- Hiyas.- Hello, love. Are you off out?
0:25:14 > 0:25:16I'm out to get Mick's Christmas present.
0:25:16 > 0:25:17What's he getting you?
0:25:17 > 0:25:20- I don't know.- Well, as long as it's not a watch...
0:25:20 > 0:25:23- No, you don't want the watch.- No. - Why not?
0:25:23 > 0:25:26If you get the watch, you're getting dumped.
0:25:26 > 0:25:27Ah, Mammy.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32She's getting dumped.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Agnes, are we going to exchange presents this year?
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Of course. I exchange yours every year.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Right, I'm going, love. See you later.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- See you, Winnie.- How are yous? - Hey, Winnie.- Ah, hello, Winnie.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Ah, hello, little man.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Well, Bono, are you looking forward to your sleepover?
0:25:51 > 0:25:54- I brought my colouring pens and my pyjamas.- Good boy.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Now, listen, go and put your pyjamas up in the bedroom,
0:25:56 > 0:25:59and with your colouring pens later on, I'll let you colour in Grandad.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Yes!
0:26:01 > 0:26:02SHE CHUCKLES
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Mrs Brown, please try and find out what's in that letter.
0:26:05 > 0:26:06We're starting to panic now.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Betty, believe it or not, I have a plan in operation already.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12- I should know by tomorrow. - Thanks for the sleepover.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15- He's been looking forward to it all week.- Not as much as I have.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18You be good for Granny now. I'll see you tomorrow.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20See you, love.
0:26:24 > 0:26:29Bono, I've been thinking about this letter of yours to Santa.
0:26:29 > 0:26:30Yes, what about it?
0:26:30 > 0:26:32I think I could guess what was in it.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34- You won't.- I think I will. Will you give me three chances?
0:26:34 > 0:26:37- Go on.- OK. Um...
0:26:37 > 0:26:40- A bike?- I already have one.
0:26:41 > 0:26:42A Batman outfit?
0:26:42 > 0:26:44- Nope.- Hmm.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46An iPad?
0:26:46 > 0:26:48- That's way too much.- Yeah, it is.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50OK, I give up. What is it?
0:26:52 > 0:26:54THEY LAUGH
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Bono, why are you intent on keeping this such a secret?
0:26:58 > 0:27:00- Cos I want to check.- Check what?
0:27:00 > 0:27:03If Santa Claus is real.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Oh!
0:27:05 > 0:27:09- He is. I saw him.- Really?- Yes. When I was a little girl.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12I was in bed and I heard a noise downstairs.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14So I went to the top of the stairs and I looked down.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16And there he was.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Santa Claus...standing by the Christmas tree.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21And my mammy was there, and she was laughing and hugging him.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23That was probably your daddy dressed up.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26No, it wasn't! Cos my daddy came in the door just then.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35We never saw my Uncle Frank again.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40SHE CACKLES
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Well, d'you know what, if that's your plan,
0:27:43 > 0:27:45I don't want to know what's in your letter.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47You keep it between you and Santa.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Right, would you like a Guinness?
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Just one. I'm driving.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00Bono! Are you downstairs?
0:28:02 > 0:28:04Yes, I'm just getting a glass of water.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06OK, I'll be down to you now.
0:28:11 > 0:28:12Hello, Bono. >
0:28:16 > 0:28:19Oh, hello, Santa Claus.
0:28:19 > 0:28:22What are you doing here three days early?
0:28:22 > 0:28:24I wanted to talk to Bono.
0:28:24 > 0:28:29- Now, Bono, you sent me a letter. - Yes, I did.
0:28:29 > 0:28:34Well, something's happened to it so I can't read what you asked for.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37Oh, dear! What will we do about that?
0:28:37 > 0:28:40Why don't you come over here and tell Santa.
0:28:40 > 0:28:43That way Santa will know what a good boy you've been all year.
0:28:43 > 0:28:44Hey! >
0:28:44 > 0:28:45Shush.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58Mrs Brown...
0:28:58 > 0:28:59This stuff is private.
0:29:05 > 0:29:07I'll get your water for you, Bono.
0:29:07 > 0:29:10Now, I know you've been a very good boy.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13I tell you,
0:29:13 > 0:29:17Buster doesn't have many good ideas, but this is one of his best.
0:29:17 > 0:29:19Thank you, Mrs Brown.
0:29:19 > 0:29:22Buster, for feck's sake! What are you doing here?
0:29:22 > 0:29:25Do you want to blow the whole feckin' thing?!
0:29:25 > 0:29:26Sorry.
0:29:26 > 0:29:29It's just a surprise to hear you saying something nice about me.
0:29:29 > 0:29:31Well, this time you deserve it, son.
0:29:34 > 0:29:36- Right, will we get it going? - What?
0:29:36 > 0:29:38You get Bono out of bed, and let's get this going.
0:29:38 > 0:29:40I don't know what you mean.
0:29:40 > 0:29:43- I only have this guy for an hour or so.- What?!
0:29:49 > 0:29:52What the f...?!
0:29:57 > 0:29:59SLEIGH BELLS JINGLE
0:29:59 > 0:30:02- SANTA:- Ho-ho-ho!
0:30:04 > 0:30:06SHE GASPS
0:30:06 > 0:30:08Buster...
0:30:08 > 0:30:11Check the tree, make sure everything's still there.
0:30:19 > 0:30:21HE ROARS
0:30:21 > 0:30:22DOOR BELL RINGS
0:30:26 > 0:30:28Hiya, Mick. Come on in.
0:30:28 > 0:30:30Hiya, Cathy.
0:30:30 > 0:30:31Cathy!
0:30:33 > 0:30:35Merry Christmas.
0:30:40 > 0:30:42It's beautiful.
0:30:42 > 0:30:43Thank you.
0:30:43 > 0:30:45Well, I'm glad you like it.
0:30:48 > 0:30:50Hello, Mick. A Merry Christmas to you.
0:30:50 > 0:30:53- Merry Christmas. - Oh, look at you! What did you get?
0:30:53 > 0:30:56- I'll show you later.- No, no, Cathy, don't worry. You can show her now.
0:30:56 > 0:30:58I don't mind.
0:30:58 > 0:30:59It's a watch.
0:31:02 > 0:31:04That's nice.
0:31:06 > 0:31:07How generous.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09Welcome to Dumpsville.
0:31:12 > 0:31:16Well, it's Christmas Eve, and as is usual in the Brown household,
0:31:16 > 0:31:18peace has descended.
0:31:19 > 0:31:23Look, I know it's been a tough year for many of you out there.
0:31:23 > 0:31:27It's hard to make ends meet. It's hard to get to sleep sometimes,
0:31:27 > 0:31:30just worrying about what tomorrow will bring.
0:31:30 > 0:31:32And I don't blame you worrying.
0:31:32 > 0:31:35But not tonight.
0:31:35 > 0:31:37Tonight, take a night off.
0:31:37 > 0:31:41Open your heart and let the joy of Christmas shine in.
0:31:41 > 0:31:42Mammy...
0:31:42 > 0:31:44Fuck off, Rory, I'm busy.
0:31:48 > 0:31:51What was it John Wayne said in Gone With His Wind?
0:31:51 > 0:31:53"Tomorrow is another day."
0:31:53 > 0:31:54SHE LAUGHS
0:31:54 > 0:31:58You know, no matter how many dramas I'm in over Christmas and,
0:31:58 > 0:32:02believe me, over the years there's been many,
0:32:02 > 0:32:07it always amazes me that no matter how the year goes,
0:32:07 > 0:32:09I always look forward to Christmas.
0:32:10 > 0:32:13Christmas, it's just....
0:32:13 > 0:32:14Well, it's magic.
0:32:15 > 0:32:18Oh, look. A piano.
0:32:18 > 0:32:20MUSIC: "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas"
0:32:22 > 0:32:27# Have yourself a merry little Christmas
0:32:27 > 0:32:30# Let your heart be light
0:32:31 > 0:32:36# From now on, our troubles will be out of sight
0:32:41 > 0:32:45# Have yourself a merry little Christmas
0:32:45 > 0:32:47# Make the Yuletide gay
0:32:51 > 0:32:56# From now on our troubles will be miles away
0:33:01 > 0:33:05# Here we are as in olden days
0:33:05 > 0:33:09# Happy golden days of yore
0:33:10 > 0:33:15# Faithful friends who are dear to us
0:33:15 > 0:33:19# Gather near to us once more
0:33:21 > 0:33:27BOTH: # Through the years we all will be together
0:33:27 > 0:33:29# If the fates allow
0:33:31 > 0:33:38ALL: # Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
0:33:41 > 0:33:45# And have yourself
0:33:45 > 0:33:52# A merry little Christmas now. #
0:33:57 > 0:34:01Merry Christmas, everybody. Ho-ho-ho!
0:34:03 > 0:34:08# Say hello to the queen of Dublin town
0:34:08 > 0:34:15# As the best mum of all she wears the crown
0:34:15 > 0:34:18# A mother hen watching all her chicks
0:34:18 > 0:34:21# A sassy old lady full of tricks
0:34:21 > 0:34:26# It's a safe bet she'd never let life get her down... #
0:34:26 > 0:34:28Merry Christmas!
0:34:28 > 0:34:30- # ..She's Mrs Brown!- Agnes!
0:34:30 > 0:34:33- # That's Mrs Brown!- Agnes!
0:34:33 > 0:34:35# Oh, Mrs Brown. #