0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:11 > 0:00:16Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18# She's Mrs Brown
0:00:18 > 0:00:21# That's Mrs Brown
0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Our Mrs Brown. #
0:00:24 > 0:00:26APPLAUSE
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Hello, I'll be with you in a minute.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Now, there we go.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39There's been five burglaries in this area in the last month.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Well, I'm taking no chances.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44I fitted a solid steel bolt to the door.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Let's see them get past that.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54No matter.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Buster Brady said he's going to fit a state-of-the-art
0:00:57 > 0:00:59alarm system for me.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04I've been waiting a week for him to fit it.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06I hope he fits it by Friday, he better.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10I am not going out to bingo and leaving my valuables unguarded.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13I just think...even the thought of a man in a mask coming in
0:01:13 > 0:01:15and rummaging through my drawers.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17LAUGHTER
0:01:20 > 0:01:21How is he?
0:01:21 > 0:01:23I'm not too sure.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Is he getting any exercise?
0:01:25 > 0:01:27You must be feckin' joking.
0:01:27 > 0:01:31He regards reading in the toilet as multitasking.
0:01:31 > 0:01:32I'm not too happy with him.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34I can't buckin' stand him.
0:01:36 > 0:01:37Any vomiting?
0:01:37 > 0:01:38Occasional.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41I just have to look at the ugly bastard and...
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Well, I've taken some bloods. I'll send them off for testing
0:01:45 > 0:01:47and we'll see what comes back.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50Happy new year, Mrs Brown.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52And a happy new year to you, Dr Flynn.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56Oh, would you please tell Cathy that I filled out her health report
0:01:56 > 0:01:59- and sent it on to the clinic in London?- What's that about?
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Erm...I'm sure she'll fill you in herself.
0:02:03 > 0:02:04We'll see.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08You know, at this time of year a lot of my patients give me presents.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Bottle of whisky and the like.
0:02:10 > 0:02:11That's nice.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15CRASHING AND BANGING
0:02:21 > 0:02:25Oh, Dermot, it's you, love. Hello, chicken.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27That's a lovely costume. Give us a twirl.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- Oh, very nice.- It's one of the hardest ones I've ever had to do.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37- Why?- I have to spend the whole day doing this.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39HE STRAINS
0:02:39 > 0:02:41- Do you want a cup of tea? - Love one, Mammy.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Might loosen you up.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48- Expecting a phone call, son?- Yeah.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50- From?- Maria.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Mammy, don't say anything to anyone yet,
0:02:52 > 0:02:54but I'm thinking of going out on my own.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55You're absolutely right, son.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58You should never have married her, you deserve better.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00No, Mammy, going into business on my own.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Maria's the best thing that ever happened to me.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Lovely girl, always liked her.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Going into business? Doing what?
0:03:08 > 0:03:09- This.- Pretending to shit?
0:03:12 > 0:03:15No, Mammy, doing promotions.
0:03:15 > 0:03:16Promotions.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19- I think I could do it.- Dermot, son, I think you can do anything.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22All I need is for Maria to get the bank on board.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- She's with them now.- How much are you trying to get off the bank?
0:03:25 > 0:03:27- Maybe I could help?- 10,000 euros.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28I'm out.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Hello, guess who?
0:03:32 > 0:03:33Mahatma Gandhi.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37It's me, Buster.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Any word from the bank, Dermo?
0:03:40 > 0:03:41Nope.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Don't be worrying, Dermo, she'll get the loan.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45I've talked to them at that bank, they're OK.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47There is a big difference between him
0:03:47 > 0:03:50going in looking for a loan and you going into the bank and going,
0:03:50 > 0:03:52"Everybody, get on the floor."
0:03:52 > 0:03:54I suppose.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56Oh, Buster.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59You know what has to be finished by Friday?
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Thursday?
0:04:04 > 0:04:05My alarm system.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Oh, yeah, no bother. Thursday it is.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14100,000 sperm and he was the fastest.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21BANGING AT THE DOOR
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Rory, stop overacting and open the buckin' door.
0:04:32 > 0:04:33Hang on.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Thanks very much, love.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Who put that chair in front of the door?
0:04:41 > 0:04:42I did.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45I just popped in for a quick cuppa and a sandwich.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46You don't mind, do you?
0:04:46 > 0:04:47Not at all.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55How did you get in, love?
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Oh, I still have my key.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58- Is Grandad up?- No.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Grandad, get out of the bed.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06You've missed half the day and you don't want to do that.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08You haven't many of them left.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Rory. Where's my television?
0:05:18 > 0:05:22The repairmen called, they said they'll have it back on Wednesday.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24My telly was fine.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28Well, obviously not, Mammy, or they wouldn't have had to take it away.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Rory, I didn't call repairmen, we've been robbed.
0:05:32 > 0:05:33Call the police.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Where's the feckin' phone?
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Oh, yeah, they said the phone was on the blink too
0:05:38 > 0:05:39so they'd have a look at it.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Nice men.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43You feckin' eejit.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46It's a wonder they didn't take the furniture as well.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47Just the worn-out chair.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Me chair, gone!
0:05:55 > 0:05:56They said they'd no more room
0:05:56 > 0:05:59but they'd collect the rest of the stuff another day.
0:06:02 > 0:06:03Me chair.
0:06:05 > 0:06:06God.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Don't be too upset, Mammy.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17None of that stuff was important.
0:06:17 > 0:06:18I suppose.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Was interesting, that health report Dr Flynn did about you.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Nice to see how good it was.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28There is no way Dr Flynn showed you that report.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29So there is a report?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33And going to London, what's that about?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36It's a medical thing You wouldn't understand.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Well, Cathy, you'd be amazed at the things that I understand.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42And you'd be amazed at the things I don't tell you.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49I hate when she does that.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52- What else is missing? - My mother's armchair.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- Antique.- Antique?- Henry VIII.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57That's the one after VII!
0:06:58 > 0:07:01Dermot, get me a newspaper there, love, will you?
0:07:01 > 0:07:06Nobody buys newspapers now, Mammy. Here, use my iPad.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Got him.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24iPad! Stick iPad down on the list.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27You know, it's funny that of all the things that were stolen,
0:07:27 > 0:07:30the thing I'm most upset about is my chair.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33I've a friend here. He'll give me an armchair,
0:07:33 > 0:07:35top-of-the-range, Mrs Brown.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36Be hard to replace mine.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38My arse was carved into it.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Little impression of your father's nose.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Jesus!
0:07:54 > 0:07:55Going somewhere?
0:07:55 > 0:07:56What are you doing up so early?
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Wondering what you're doing up so early.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02- I'm going to stay with a friend, if you must know.- In London?
0:08:02 > 0:08:04I have a taxi on the way, have you seen my coat?
0:08:04 > 0:08:06It's in the cupboard.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Stay with a friend, my arse.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Oh, Cathy, I knocked over your bag.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Oh, look, all that stuff spilled out.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18And I couldn't help noticing this letter.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Dear Ms Brown ...
0:08:23 > 0:08:25It's a fertility clinic.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30That's why I'm going to London.
0:08:30 > 0:08:31I hope they can help me.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Fertility? I don't understand, Cathy,
0:08:35 > 0:08:36you don't even own a camera.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Not photography...
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Fertility.
0:08:44 > 0:08:45There's a very good man there
0:08:45 > 0:08:48and I'm hoping he'll help me get pregnant.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53This appointment's only for 20 minutes,
0:08:53 > 0:08:55you want to get a feckin' move on.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Cathy, should you not meet him first, get to know him?
0:08:59 > 0:09:01He's a doctor.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03That doesn't mean he won't love you and leave you.
0:09:03 > 0:09:04Jesus.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Cathy, you know our motto on first dates -
0:09:06 > 0:09:09to stop tongues wagging, no quick shagging.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13Mammy, for once in your life, will you just listen?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17I'm not getting any younger.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19The clock is ticking and I want a baby
0:09:19 > 0:09:22and I just know I'm not going to meet a man to have a baby with.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24So you're going to get yourself a stud?
0:09:26 > 0:09:29No, Cathy, that's...it's just...
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Mammy, I'm going for artificial insemination by donor.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37HORN BEEPS
0:09:37 > 0:09:39There's my taxi.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42The first visit's just to check things over,
0:09:42 > 0:09:44and then I'll go back and...
0:09:44 > 0:09:47..who knows? Maybe I'll get lucky.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49And will the child be lucky?
0:09:49 > 0:09:51- What?- With no daddy?
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Well, I know someone who managed to rear a family with no daddy.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57You know what I mean.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59You're not stopping me, Mammy.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01It's a different world.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02Yes, it is...
0:10:04 > 0:10:06..but is it too different?
0:10:12 > 0:10:16Top-of-the-range, Mrs Brown. Deluxe, adjustable memory foam.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18But why does it have to be plugged in?
0:10:18 > 0:10:22It senses from the tension in your body exactly how tired you are
0:10:22 > 0:10:25and adjusts in softness to suit.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Can I not just have a chair chair?
0:10:27 > 0:10:29All the celebrities are buying these.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Daniel O'Donnell has one.
0:10:33 > 0:10:34Daniel O'Donnell?
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Well, if it's good enough for Daniel,
0:10:36 > 0:10:37then it's good enough for me.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Oh, yeah.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Right. Come on, let me show you the alarm system.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Right, I'll leave you with this and head back to work.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48- Don't be long, Buster. - I won't, Dermo. It's a doddle.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51You all right, Mrs B?
0:10:51 > 0:10:54It's nothing, it's family stuff but I don't want to talk about it.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56I hear you, don't you say another word.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Cathy's gone to London for antisocial impenetration.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Jaysus! I don't believe it.
0:11:05 > 0:11:06Cathy?
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Off to London... I'd love to go to London.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12No, Buster, it's about a baby.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15She's after getting a sperm donor.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Why can't she just meet a nice man and...
0:11:18 > 0:11:21have a baby the ordinary way? That's all I want to know.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Anyway, show me this alarm thing.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Fort Knox, here we come, Buster, eh?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Here, Buster, don't be too long with this,
0:11:29 > 0:11:32- I have a bath running and I want to get into it while it's hot.- Right.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34There are two parts to this alarm system.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36I'll show you the second one in a minute
0:11:36 > 0:11:39but first, I want to show you something that I call The Rattrap.
0:11:39 > 0:11:40Rattrap?
0:11:40 > 0:11:44I've every opening in the house covered with drop-down cages.
0:11:44 > 0:11:45For instance, watch this.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Mother of God.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56With the system I put in, nobody can get into the house,
0:11:56 > 0:11:58but see if they do, they're not getting out.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Holy camoly.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Now for the alarm.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06To set the front door alarm, you need to put a four-digit code in here
0:12:06 > 0:12:09and then you simply have one minute to leave the house.
0:12:09 > 0:12:10Let me try it.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14N, I, C, E.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- That's it.- So I just simply...?
0:12:16 > 0:12:18'Kor, kor, back, ding, dang, ho, jadah!'
0:12:20 > 0:12:23It's telling us we have a minute to leave the house.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Oh, in what language?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27It's from North Korea, so French, I suppose.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31- French?- 'Un, kairo, shakoi...'
0:12:31 > 0:12:33It's OK, we've plenty of time.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35ALARM BLARES
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Right, that all seems to be working grand.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42No, it's not!
0:12:42 > 0:12:44I couldn't get out of the feckin' house.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45You had a minute.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47That was only about 20 seconds.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Exactly, a minute.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53Buster, you see that watch? See that second hand?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Reset that to 60 seconds.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59You want THREE minutes?
0:13:00 > 0:13:01Reset it to 60.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Right, see how you get on now.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09N, I, C, E.
0:13:10 > 0:13:11So then I just go...
0:13:11 > 0:13:13'Kor, kor, back, ding, dang, ho, jadah!'
0:13:13 > 0:13:17- It's saying the same thing again. - 'Un, kairo, shakoi, medi...'
0:13:17 > 0:13:19ALARM BLARES
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Well, that didn't feckin' work.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29I know. Let me try putting the numbers in the other way around.
0:13:30 > 0:13:31Right, try it now.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43N, I, C, E.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45'Un, kairo, shakoi...'
0:13:45 > 0:13:47ALARM BLARES
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Go through this way.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59Right.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01That's grand, a bit more practice.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05No, it's not feckin' grand, and now we're trapped.
0:14:07 > 0:14:08Reset those cages.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14I haven't quite figured out how to do that yet.
0:14:15 > 0:14:16You tool.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Ma, Buster, what's going on?
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Oh, Dermot, thank God you're here.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29- Please get us out of here.- What?
0:14:29 > 0:14:32He has my buckin' head melted.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Just lift the shutters.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41He doesn't know how.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43STUDIO LAUGHTER
0:14:46 > 0:14:49We can't get out.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Buster.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Go to the alarm panel.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01- CORPSING:- Quickly.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Is...is there a button that says "lift shutters"?
0:15:09 > 0:15:10BOTH: Yep.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Well, press it.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22You feckin' eejit.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Artificial impenetration.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33Nope, never heard of it. How do they do it?
0:15:33 > 0:15:35In a test tube.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37- No way.- Mmm.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Not even Jacko's willy would fit into a test tube.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43- And that's when...?- No, Winnie, no.
0:15:46 > 0:15:47The man...
0:15:49 > 0:15:51INAUDIBLE
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Oh, my God.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Well, at least the child won't be lying when he says,
0:15:56 > 0:15:57"My father's a wanker!"
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Oh, no, no, we shouldn't laugh, we shouldn't laugh. No.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Ah, a new baby.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07I know.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Did you have anaesthetic on all your births?
0:16:09 > 0:16:11No. On their conceptions!
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Erm, hello? Excuse me, everybody.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21QUIET!
0:16:22 > 0:16:26Erm... Now, we will be having our poker classic in aid of a new bell
0:16:26 > 0:16:30for the church next Saturday. The entry book is on the bar
0:16:30 > 0:16:31so just put your name down.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Imagine winning that!
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Relax, Winnie, it's not like you win the lottery.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39If you won the lottery, Agnes, would you still be my friend?
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Of course.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43I'd miss you...
0:16:43 > 0:16:44but I'd keep in touch.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Do you know, Winnie?
0:16:48 > 0:16:51It was lovely to just have an ordinary conversation with you.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Ah, thanks, Agnes.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Did you ever wonder why Tarzan never had a beard?
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Too good to fuckin' last.
0:17:06 > 0:17:07Here, get them in.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Hello, son, hello, Maria, love.
0:17:14 > 0:17:15Hiya, Mammy.
0:17:15 > 0:17:16Hello, Mrs Brown.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19You didn't get the money from the bank, did you?
0:17:19 > 0:17:22- I'm sorry, children.- You would think in this climate the banks
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- would be encouraging people to start up their own business.- I know.
0:17:25 > 0:17:2810,000, you think that'd be nothing to them.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Ah, well, it is what it is, Ma.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34So we'll see you all next Saturday.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Don't forget the poker classic, the first prize is...
0:17:37 > 0:17:39I don't know what I'm going to do.
0:17:39 > 0:17:4015,000 euros.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45How much?
0:17:45 > 0:17:48I don't know, I wasn't fucking listening.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56Oh, I got some beautiful bath stuff today, lovely bubbly bubblies
0:17:56 > 0:17:58and I got a bath bomb, you put it in and it goes,
0:17:58 > 0:18:01"Zzzzzzzz," and some gardenia and some rose petals
0:18:01 > 0:18:03and I have it all ready upstairs.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06I'm going to slide into it like a ferret down a drainpipe.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09Hiya.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Hello, love.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14So how was London?
0:18:14 > 0:18:15Tiring.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17I'm going to go and have a lie down.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Cathy, would you like to talk?
0:18:19 > 0:18:21No, I wouldn't.
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Look, maybe later...
0:18:22 > 0:18:24much later.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Right now I need a long, hot bath.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33There's one ready up there if you want to slip into it.
0:18:33 > 0:18:34Aww, thanks, Mammy.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Right, Mammy, your alarm is reset and working.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Good boy, thank you very much.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Ha! Don't thank me, it was Dino that fixed it.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46He's a wizard with technology.
0:18:46 > 0:18:47Well, thank you, Dino.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Oh, no problem, Mrs Brown, it was easy.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52If you want me to turn it on, I'll turn it on.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55If you want me to plug it, I'll plug it.
0:18:55 > 0:18:56I bet you would.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00I put a micro filter on his router.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02That's too much information for me, son.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05- Goodbye.- Right. See you now, Mammy.
0:19:05 > 0:19:06Ah, hello, boys.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09Just off, Mrs McGoogan.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10Ah, Winnie.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11Tea?
0:19:12 > 0:19:14S.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19I don't know how to play this game, Agnes.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Do you want a cup of tea?
0:19:22 > 0:19:23Oh, yes, please.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Dr Flynn put me onto mint tea.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Do you have any mint tea, Agnes?
0:19:28 > 0:19:29Mint it is.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33Sharon tells me that you've entered the poker tournament?
0:19:33 > 0:19:34Yes.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37I'm in it to win it.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48I'm going to win that 15,000 euros and I'm going to give 10,000
0:19:48 > 0:19:52to Dermot and Maria to get out on their own.
0:19:52 > 0:19:53Won't be that easy.
0:19:53 > 0:19:57Now, Winnie, you can clean your teeth and all with that.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Well, all I'm telling you is it won't be that easy to win it.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03And you're an expert on this, Winnie, are you?
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Well, no, but I hear Maria's mother is playing
0:20:06 > 0:20:08and she wins these things all over the place.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12- BELL RINGS - Hiddely? Oh.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Well, she might be winning them all over the place,
0:20:14 > 0:20:16but it's because I'm not playing in them.
0:20:16 > 0:20:21Oh, Winnie, I'm an ice cool poker player that likes to take a punt
0:20:21 > 0:20:23and she's just an old...
0:20:23 > 0:20:24Hello, Hiddely.
0:20:26 > 0:20:27Do come in.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Winnie, bring in my tea.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34That's an interesting looking chair.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36- Yeah, top-of-the-range.- Oh.
0:20:36 > 0:20:37Daniel O'Donnell has one.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40How are you, Hillary?
0:20:40 > 0:20:42- We were just talking about you. - Oh, really?
0:20:42 > 0:20:44No, we weren't, that was another Hillary.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46You know, Hillary from the fish shop.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48- Let me get to why I'm here. - Oh, please do.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Well, I saw that someone had entered your name in the list
0:20:51 > 0:20:52for the poker tournament.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56- Yeah, so?- Well, I knew straight away it was obviously a mistake.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58No, it's no mistake. I put that name in myself.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02But you must have known that I was entering,
0:21:02 > 0:21:04why would you do such a silly thing?
0:21:06 > 0:21:08I'm in it.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10I'm in it to win it. You don't scare me, Hiddely.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14I'm going to win that 15,000 euros...
0:21:16 > 0:21:19..and I'm going to give 10,000 to Dermot and Maria
0:21:19 > 0:21:20to go out on their own.
0:21:20 > 0:21:21You needn't worry about that.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23I've already offered to loan it to them.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Well, you see, that's the difference between...
0:21:26 > 0:21:27between you and me -
0:21:27 > 0:21:29you loan it, I give it.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Well, what lesson are they going to learn from that?
0:21:32 > 0:21:36They learn that parents will do everything they can
0:21:36 > 0:21:40for their children without looking for a payback.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Well, I suppose I'll see you at the poker table, then.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45If you make it to the final.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Oh, I'll be in the final, all right, just see how you do.
0:21:48 > 0:21:49Oh, I'll do fucking fine!
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Jesus, are my eyes deceiving me?
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Is that really you?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02You'd better come in.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Are you on your way to a wedding, Buster?
0:22:12 > 0:22:14I hope so.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Hear me out, Cathy.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Your Mammy was telling me
0:22:18 > 0:22:21that you're going to have a baby with a sperm donor.
0:22:24 > 0:22:25And that costs a lot.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28- Like, thousands.- So?
0:22:28 > 0:22:29I was thinking...
0:22:35 > 0:22:38I love you, Cathy Brown. I always have...
0:22:39 > 0:22:41..and I could give you that baby
0:22:41 > 0:22:43for half that amount or even less.
0:22:48 > 0:22:49Buster...
0:22:49 > 0:22:51No, wait, Cathy, there's more.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Cathy, I never knew my father.
0:22:56 > 0:23:01So any child of mine, I want to be a proper, real father to that child.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06I want to see him every second Saturday and take him to the zoo...
0:23:07 > 0:23:10..just like all the other normal dads
0:23:10 > 0:23:13and feed him burgers and chips till he's sick,
0:23:13 > 0:23:16and take him home so late that you're tearing your hair out
0:23:16 > 0:23:17wondering where we got to.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Stand up, Buster.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24That's the weirdest...
0:23:24 > 0:23:28but nicest proposal I think I've ever had.
0:23:28 > 0:23:29I don't know what to say.
0:23:31 > 0:23:32Say yes.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36I can't say yes, Buster.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38I don't love you.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43That's a shame, because it's super sperm.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54OK, ladies.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Mrs Nicholson, it's your bet.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06Check.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10She check.
0:24:14 > 0:24:15SPECTATORS: Ooh...
0:24:32 > 0:24:33Ladies.
0:24:34 > 0:24:35Check.
0:24:37 > 0:24:38She check.
0:24:41 > 0:24:42Last card.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01It's up to you, Mrs Nicholson.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05All in.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07SPECTATORS GASP
0:25:07 > 0:25:09- HE THINKS:- 'She has the other ace.'
0:25:09 > 0:25:11'Mammy's gone.'
0:25:11 > 0:25:14'This will be really bad if Hillary has that ace.'
0:25:14 > 0:25:17'Even when she's thinking, I haven't a clue what she's saying.'
0:25:20 > 0:25:21'I have her.'
0:25:22 > 0:25:25'She has her.'
0:25:25 > 0:25:27BIRDS TWEET
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Mammy.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37No, Dermot.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39I'm going to win this 15,000 euros
0:25:39 > 0:25:42and you're going to go out on your own.
0:25:45 > 0:25:46Call.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52I knew you didn't have that last jack.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Damn.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59CHEERING
0:26:02 > 0:26:05So you won the money. Dermot will be happy.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08What are you going to do with the other 5,000?
0:26:08 > 0:26:11You know what you should do? Treat yourself.
0:26:11 > 0:26:12Treat myself?
0:26:12 > 0:26:14No, Cathy, I have everything I need.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17No.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19That 5,000 is for my grandchild.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21- Bono?- No.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23- One of Dermot and Maria's?- No.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25My new grandchild.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28The one you're going to have.
0:26:28 > 0:26:32Cathy, what you're doing... Well, it can't be cheap.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34I'd like to make a contribution.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37I want to be with you in this, side by side.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39I want to support you.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41There's a chance it may not work.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Well, then, we'll take that chance together.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45I love you, Mammy.
0:26:45 > 0:26:46I don't fucking blame you.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56- Goodnight, Mammy.- Goodnight, love.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Of course there's a chance it won't work.
0:27:04 > 0:27:05It's a gamble...
0:27:06 > 0:27:08..just like everything is a gamble.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11Marriage is a gamble.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14Oh, you might think you have it all worked out.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16But there always comes a time
0:27:16 > 0:27:20when the only thing the two of you can do is hold each other's hand,
0:27:20 > 0:27:21close your eyes and jump.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Raising kids is a gamble,
0:27:26 > 0:27:30especially with all the distractions for them nowadays.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34Every decision you make for them seems to be a gamble.
0:27:34 > 0:27:35The truth is - life is a gamble...
0:27:37 > 0:27:40..but it's worth every bit of it.
0:27:40 > 0:27:44Oh, don't get me wrong, even though it's a gamble, it doesn't mean
0:27:44 > 0:27:48you shouldn't work really hard to try and give yourself an edge.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50If you know what I mean.
0:27:55 > 0:27:56Now...
0:27:56 > 0:27:58APPLAUSE
0:28:04 > 0:28:06And now,
0:28:06 > 0:28:09I'm off for a well-earned and well-deserved bath.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11CRASHING
0:28:13 > 0:28:15Grandad, what are you doing?
0:28:15 > 0:28:17Ha-ha! I'm going for a bath!
0:28:23 > 0:28:25Goodnight.
0:28:27 > 0:28:32# Say hello to the queen of Dublin town
0:28:33 > 0:28:40# As the best mum of all, she wears the crown
0:28:40 > 0:28:42# Mother hen watching all her chicks
0:28:42 > 0:28:46# A sassy old lady full of tricks
0:28:46 > 0:28:50# It's a safe bet she'd never let life get her down
0:28:52 > 0:28:55# She's Mrs Brown
0:28:55 > 0:28:56# That's Mrs Brown... #
0:28:56 > 0:28:58Happy New Year!
0:28:58 > 0:29:01# Our Mrs Brown. #