0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language
0:00:11 > 0:00:15Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# She's Mrs Brown
0:00:18 > 0:00:21# That's Mrs Brown
0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Oh, Mrs Brown. #
0:00:25 > 0:00:29GROANING
0:00:31 > 0:00:34GROANING CONTINUES
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Are you nearly done in there, Buster?
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Nearly!
0:00:42 > 0:00:45SINGING OUTSIDE
0:00:45 > 0:00:48There's Christmas carol singers outside, Mrs Brown!
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Well, for God's sake, open the door and give them something!
0:00:51 > 0:00:55# Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. #
0:00:55 > 0:00:56Happy Christmas!
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Hello!
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Do you know, I was just thinking.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11You'd wonder who it was that stared at a chicken and thought,
0:01:11 > 0:01:14"I'm going to eat the next thing that comes out of that bird's arse."
0:01:16 > 0:01:20Huh, anyway, a very Merry Christmas to you, one and all.
0:01:20 > 0:01:24Right, Mrs Brown, the perfect Christmas tree for you!
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Oh, excellent! Hold your horses, Buster.
0:01:27 > 0:01:28Does it buckin' bronco?
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Nope.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Does it spin?
0:01:31 > 0:01:33- Nope.- And it's cheap?
0:01:33 > 0:01:35- 50 quid.- I'll fix you up in Foley's.
0:01:35 > 0:01:36Here's the manual.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39A manual? What do I need a feckin' manual for?
0:01:39 > 0:01:40If you come inside, I'll show you.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Mm. HE CHUCKLES
0:01:42 > 0:01:48As well as being a very... attractive...tree,
0:01:48 > 0:01:52the Securi-Tree 5 will ensure you that nothing will be stolen.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55For instance, let's say somebody came in
0:01:55 > 0:01:58and tried to nick one of your Christmas tree ornaments.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00- TREE:- You can't touch this!
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Mother of God!
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Buster, have you lost your mind?!
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Someone could have a nasty accident.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17No, no, no, disassemble number five!
0:02:17 > 0:02:21Relax, it's OK! If you don't like it, just plug it out.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23That disables the feature.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- Ah, that's better!- Right, I'm off!
0:02:25 > 0:02:26- OK, see you, son.- See ya.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31I am determined to have a safe Christmas this year.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Do you know that most domestic accidents happen
0:02:34 > 0:02:36over the Christmas period?
0:02:36 > 0:02:37That's just a safety message
0:02:37 > 0:02:40courtesy of the British Broad Corporing Castration.
0:02:42 > 0:02:47Do I have to say, it's been a very quiet Christmas so far.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51It's simple, Dino. Treatment first, THEN introduce the product.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54There's more than one way to style, you know,
0:02:54 > 0:02:56- and I use the Dino Doyle method. - Ha!
0:02:56 > 0:02:58You can't just make a mess of someone's hair
0:02:58 > 0:03:00and then say it's a "method".
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Mammy, here's that Christmas present you asked me to pick up for Winnie.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06SMASH!
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Thank you, love. Winnie will be delighted.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- A mess?- Yes!
0:03:30 > 0:03:34How dare you! I was a top stylist when you were just...
0:03:34 > 0:03:36sweeping up hair!
0:03:37 > 0:03:40I have never been so insulted in my life!
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Ah, you must have been!
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Supposed to be a rubber egg!
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Ah, shut up, Mark!
0:03:54 > 0:03:56I'm not arguing with you, Betty.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58All I'm saying is if you did the school run,
0:03:58 > 0:04:01I could get to work a good half hour earlier.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Ha! You mean stay in bed for half an hour longer, don't you?
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Here, Mrs Brown, you can pay for that at the Post Office.
0:04:06 > 0:04:07- OK.- Thanks for doing that.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10What if I did stay in bed for half an hour longer?
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Maybe then you could cook a bit of breakfast.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14What am I - your head cook and bottle washer, then?
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Why don't you just stay here with your Mammy
0:04:16 > 0:04:18and she can make you breakfast?
0:04:18 > 0:04:21At least me mammy never made me beg for a breakfast!
0:04:21 > 0:04:22DOOR SLAMS
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Where was I?
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Oh, yes, it's been a very...peaceful Christmas so far.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31What's all the noise?
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Dino made a mess of somebody's hair and he won't admit it.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36So Rory said that that makes it look like it's his fault.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Even though Dino did the style.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39And Mark and Betty can't agree on
0:04:39 > 0:04:41who should do the school run in the mornings.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Mark says Betty should do it because then he can get
0:04:43 > 0:04:46through the traffic and into work half an hour early.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Betty says, "No, he just wants to stay in bed half an hour longer."
0:04:49 > 0:04:52They can't agree who should stay in bed the half an hour longer
0:04:52 > 0:04:53and Mark is starving.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58You understood all that from that mayhem?
0:04:58 > 0:04:59No, no, love. I write the script!
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Oh, guess who I met in town.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07- Who?- Bubbles!
0:05:07 > 0:05:08Bubbles McCarthy?
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Bubbles McGrath now, Mammy.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13She's married. Has two kids and, yep, she's back from London.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16So I told her to drop up for a chat.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Bubbles McCarthy back in Finglas!
0:05:18 > 0:05:19Be nice to see her.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24See the way I fucked up that line but made it look like it was you?
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Good, wasn't it?
0:05:27 > 0:05:29Nobody noticed a thing, love.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Cathy, try and concentrate, love.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39So hard to get a good daughter nowadays.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44Oh, Bubbles McCarthy was Mark's girlfriend for three years.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Cathy, for God's sake, will you put your feckin' stuff away!
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Somebody'll have a nasty accident.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54You know, we all thought
0:05:54 > 0:05:57that Bubbles and Mark would be married, but she dumped him.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Here, Grandad, here's a cup of tea.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03I have a pain in me chest.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Ah, well, it's far from your arse, you won't sit on it.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11You know, I often think that Mark married Betty,
0:06:11 > 0:06:12you know, on the rebound.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17I suppose when your heart is broken, you'll take anything.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Morning, Agnes.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Good morning, Winnie.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24- Cup of tea, love?- Oh, please, love.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27I saw Cathy out jogging earlier. She's looking well.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Be careful, Winnie. That could be construed as sexual harassment.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34- What?- Nothing. I'm only joking.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39- All set for the Christmas? - Well, more or less.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42It doesn't look like Jacko will be out for the Christmas,
0:06:42 > 0:06:44so it'll just be me and Sharon.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Oh, that's a pity. Jacko not out.
0:06:46 > 0:06:47That's five years in a row.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55All right, what's in the feckin' notebook?
0:06:55 > 0:06:56Me bucket list!
0:06:56 > 0:06:57Your WHAT?!
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Me bucket list. I read it in a magazine.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02You should make a list of all the things you'd love to do
0:07:02 > 0:07:04and try and get them all done before you die.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Mine would be easy. Win the lottery, go fuckin' bananas.
0:07:07 > 0:07:08End of list.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Get a tattoo?
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Yes, you should have all your children's names
0:07:15 > 0:07:17tattooed on your body.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19I already have, Winnie. They're called stretch marks.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21And that's it? Nothing else?
0:07:21 > 0:07:24I only started it this morning. I'm thinking.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Cathy said she saw Bubbles McCarthy down town.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Yeah, Sharon was telling me.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31She's back in Finglas a few weeks now.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35She could be back for good, Sharon says. She's divorced.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36- No!- Yes!
0:07:36 > 0:07:38- Oh, no!- Oh, yes!
0:07:38 > 0:07:39- No, no!- Yes, yes!
0:07:39 > 0:07:40- NO!- YES!
0:07:40 > 0:07:41STOP!
0:07:43 > 0:07:46- I thought you liked Bubbles?- Well...
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- You loved her when she was going out with Mark.- Yes, I know.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52But when she dumped him, it broke his heart.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54It took him months to get over it.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Ah, Agnes, that was then, this is now.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Yes, but now she's back.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00She's available...
0:08:00 > 0:08:02and she's coming up here to visit.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18CUT!
0:08:21 > 0:08:25"Barney's Furniture Store - HUGE sale LAST WEEK!"
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Why would they tell you about a sale that happened last week?
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Hi, Grandad!
0:08:42 > 0:08:46Mammy, Dr Flynn is here, he's just pulled up.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Cathy, will you put away your feckin' trampoline!
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Somebody would have a nasty accident.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00- Hello, Mrs Brown!- Hello, Dr Flynn.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02- Where's the patient?- Over here.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Dr Flynn, he's very bad.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08If you have to put him down, we understand.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Out of my way, Mrs Brown.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14Right, Grandad. Let's be having a look at you.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17HE LAUGHS
0:09:20 > 0:09:21I'm sorry, excuse me!
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Furniture adverts, Mammy? What are you looking for?
0:09:30 > 0:09:33I'm not looking for anything. I've already bought it.
0:09:33 > 0:09:34Shelves for me new walk-in wardrobe.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36What walk-in wardrobe?
0:09:36 > 0:09:38- In me spare room. - You don't have a spare room!
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Not yet, but chest pains, Dermot, it can't be long.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46You're a gas, Mammy. If we shot Grandad tomorrow,
0:09:46 > 0:09:48you'd be the one that would miss him the most.
0:09:48 > 0:09:49Try me!
0:09:52 > 0:09:54- What's wrong, son? - It's Buster, Mammy.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56There's a surprise!
0:09:57 > 0:09:59The business is going great,
0:09:59 > 0:10:02but I really need one steady client that I can build on.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04I have a chance of getting the contract
0:10:04 > 0:10:06to promote this new German pub in town.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08A German pub? What's it called?
0:10:11 > 0:10:15The Lederhosen Vorkommen Der Deutschland Jawohl Ha-ha!
0:10:18 > 0:10:21As well as dressing for the part, there's a little dance
0:10:21 > 0:10:23we have to do and Buster won't practise.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24What's the pub called?
0:10:24 > 0:10:26HE LAUGHS
0:10:28 > 0:10:29Oh!
0:10:32 > 0:10:34The Lederhosen Vorkommen Der...
0:10:39 > 0:10:44The Lederhosen Vorkommen Der Deutschland Jawohl Ha-ha!
0:10:44 > 0:10:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:47 > 0:10:49As well as dressing for the part, there's a little dance
0:10:49 > 0:10:51we have to do and Buster won't practise.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53The owner's coming to see us in action next Tuesday.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55I just know Buster won't be ready.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59Well, Dermot, the only thing you can do is either make Buster practise or...
0:10:59 > 0:11:02- get somebody else.- Yeah.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Hey, Maria says Bubbles is back in town?
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Yes, that's right.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10- Does Mark know?- I don't know, but...I'm sure he'll be fine.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12I wouldn't be too sure.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16Right, Mrs Brown, I've had a good look at Grandad.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23I've given him a prescription and as far as I can see...
0:11:23 > 0:11:24HELLO!
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Over here!
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Right, I'm off. Giddy up, Mammy!
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Come on, Doctor, tell me the worst.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Grandad has abdominal bloating!
0:11:37 > 0:11:39How long has he got?
0:11:39 > 0:11:40Wind, Mrs Brown.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Wind! Wind... WIND?!
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Yes, I've given him something to shift it.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49PHHRRTTTT! >
0:11:49 > 0:11:52There you go. I'm off.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Now, wait a minute.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Are you telling me I've paid £150 for shelves
0:11:59 > 0:12:02so he can have a fart?
0:12:03 > 0:12:05HE LAUGHS
0:12:11 > 0:12:15Yes, very good. Do you know any Christmas songs?
0:12:15 > 0:12:17No, sorry, no.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19- You should learn some, son. - I should do, yeah.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- Thanks, Winnie. - There you go, Pet.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26How's things coming with the bucket list?
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Agnes, it's really hard to think of things to put on it.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33But I did add a trip to Paris to see the Blackpool Tower.
0:12:36 > 0:12:37Eiffel.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Oh, sorry, Blackpool "hyphen" Tower.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42No...
0:12:42 > 0:12:45the Eiffel Tower is in Paris. The Blackpool Tower is in Blackpool.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Oh, that's handy.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51- Hello, ladies.- Oh, Buster, good man.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53I have that ready for you.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54- Thank you very much.- Ah, nice one!
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Buster, if you were drawing up a bucket list,
0:12:57 > 0:12:59- what would you put on it? - A bucket?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04If you were making a list of things to do before you die,
0:13:04 > 0:13:06what would you put on your list?
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Er... Number one, write a bucket list.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12I should put that down, Agnes.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Here, Buster, why aren't you practising your dance for Dermot?
0:13:19 > 0:13:22I am practising, Mrs Brown, I'll be ready.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26You'd better be or I'm telling you, son, you'll have no job.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Mammy's going to get such a surprise!
0:13:29 > 0:13:32She hasn't seen her sister in 20 years, can you believe that?
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Oh, I love surprises!
0:13:34 > 0:13:38I think they're a waste of time. Nobody's ever really surprised.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Is that Bubbles McGrath?
0:13:40 > 0:13:41What?!
0:13:43 > 0:13:47Hey there, Mister. Long time no see!
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Heh! How are ya?
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Hello, I'm Betty. Mark's wife.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Oh, yeah! Hiya, I'm Bubbles McCarthy.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57I thought it was Bubbles McGrath?
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Ah, it used to be, it's McCarthy now. I'm divorced.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Well, he's not!
0:14:04 > 0:14:07OK, I have it. Let's do this.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Agnes, if vampires can't see their reflection in the mirror,
0:14:10 > 0:14:12how come their hair is always perfect?
0:14:15 > 0:14:16Winnie, shut up!
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Ahem!
0:14:19 > 0:14:21What's this? What's going on?
0:14:21 > 0:14:25Mammy, the whole family have chipped in for your Christmas present.
0:14:25 > 0:14:26Yay!
0:14:28 > 0:14:30We'd like to give it to you now.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Now? But it's not Christmas.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35We know, but you'll understand once you open it.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40- What's this?- It's a voucher for a return flight to Toronto.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43You're going to see your sister next week for ten days!
0:14:43 > 0:14:45- ALL:- YAY!
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Yay!
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Eh...eh... But that means I won't be here for Christmas Day.
0:14:50 > 0:14:51YAY!
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Yay! Hey-hey!
0:14:53 > 0:14:54Yippee-ki-buckin'-aye!
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Why do they want to get rid of me?
0:15:01 > 0:15:04They don't, Agnes. It's just a present.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08Yes, a present that says "Happy Christmas, Mammy. Now feck off!"
0:15:09 > 0:15:12How's things coming with your bucket list?
0:15:12 > 0:15:13Here.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16SHE SIGHS
0:15:16 > 0:15:19SHE CHUCKLES "Own a bit of land"?
0:15:19 > 0:15:21- Yeah.- You wish!
0:15:22 > 0:15:25"Drink hot chocolate in the snow." What the hell is that about?
0:15:25 > 0:15:29Well, one Christmas week, me and me Mammy came back from the shops
0:15:29 > 0:15:30and we were locked out.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34- CHRISTMAS CAROL SINGING - It was snowing and me mammy said,
0:15:34 > 0:15:37"Now we'll have to wait for your daddy to come home."
0:15:37 > 0:15:43So she got a teapot from the shed, you know, and we lit a little fire.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Ah, in no time the fire was blazing away...
0:15:47 > 0:15:50# ..Down where he lay... #
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Very nice. Now, feck off and don't come back!
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Me mammy was rooting in her shopping bag, right,
0:15:59 > 0:16:03and she tooks out the milk and she made hot chocolate.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Ah, we just sat there in the Christmas snow
0:16:06 > 0:16:08sipping hot chocolate.
0:16:08 > 0:16:09Oh!
0:16:09 > 0:16:11I remember how happy I was.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14I just sat there gazing at me mammy's face,
0:16:14 > 0:16:17hoping me daddy would never come home.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Ah, it was lovely!
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Is it finished?
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Agnes, these are me memories.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Winnie, that's the past, now back to the future.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Why are they trying to get rid of me?
0:16:37 > 0:16:38I want to be at home for Christmas!
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Agnes, it's just a present.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Speaking of presents.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48- Here, Happy Christmas. - Ah, you're very good, Agnes.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51It's only a little something. I may as well give it to you now,
0:16:51 > 0:16:54because I won't be here for Christmas!
0:16:54 > 0:16:56SHE SOBS
0:16:56 > 0:16:58PHONE RINGS I'll get that.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01I'll see you later so!
0:17:01 > 0:17:02See you later, Winnie.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Hope it's not them feckin' carol singers again!
0:17:06 > 0:17:07- TREE:- You can't touch this!
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Who the hell plugged that in?
0:17:15 > 0:17:18HE CHUCKLES
0:17:19 > 0:17:20Ah! What? Excuse...
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Wait a minute! What's this?
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Delivery. Here.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29No, no, no, you don't understand. I cancelled the shelves, you have to take them back.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- No, we don't do collections, do we, Michael?- Never.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- Well, well, son...- Listen, you're going to have to ring the shop
0:17:36 > 0:17:37and they'll send someone out.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41It won't be till after Christmas cos we'll be spending Christmas with our families.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44- AUDIENCE:- Awwww!
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Christmas with their families.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51With their families!
0:17:51 > 0:17:53SHE SOBS
0:17:53 > 0:17:55LAUGHTER
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Ah, Bubbles, you haven't changed a bit.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Oh, you sound like you were a mad bunch.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Oh, we were! There was a big gang of us, wasn't there, Mark?
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Gertie Holbaker, do you remember her?
0:18:05 > 0:18:08I do! She'd show you her knickers for a lick of your lollipop!
0:18:11 > 0:18:13She even tried that on me!
0:18:13 > 0:18:17I nearly died! "Here," I said, "you can take the lollipop!"
0:18:22 > 0:18:25- They seem to be having a ball.- Mm.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Should Mark not be gone home for his dinner by now?
0:18:27 > 0:18:30- Yeah.- What's up?
0:18:30 > 0:18:33Cathy, why do yous want to send me away for Christmas?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35What? We don't, Mammy!
0:18:35 > 0:18:39It's just a chance to spend some time with your sister, that's all.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Is it something I've done?
0:18:41 > 0:18:45Mammy, we just wanted you to have a special Christmas.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Cathy, I've had every Christmas at home with the family
0:18:48 > 0:18:51and they've all been special. SHE SOBS
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Send Grandad away, nobody'd fuckin' miss him!
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Fine. Then, don't go.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Really?
0:19:00 > 0:19:02- Is this a trick?- No.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04I'll give you back the voucher.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07No, you won't. It's yours, you can do what you like with it.
0:19:07 > 0:19:08Oh!
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Ohh!
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Uh-oh!
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Ah, Betty. Here, have a drink.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20- Sharon, when you're ready. - I don't want a drink.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22You get yourself home, Mark Brown.
0:19:22 > 0:19:23Your dinner has been ready hours ago,
0:19:23 > 0:19:27and your son has gone to bed without a goodnight kiss from his daddy.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31Er, I'd better go. Goodnight.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34Oh, been there!
0:19:36 > 0:19:37No, you haven't!
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Would you like a drink, Bubbles, before you go?
0:19:42 > 0:19:43No, thanks.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Sharon, when you're ready.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53- A pint of cider and a glass of Chardonnay!- OK.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Sharon, is your mother not coming down tonight?
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Oh, yeah, she's getting all dolled up.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02She couldn't wait to try the curling tongs you gave her for Christmas.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06I didn't give her curling tongs for Christmas!
0:20:07 > 0:20:09I gave her an electric carving knife.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19It said "Electric Carving Knife" on the box!
0:20:19 > 0:20:21Who reads boxes?
0:20:21 > 0:20:22Everybody!
0:20:23 > 0:20:27Hello, Dermot. Yeah, hold on, hold on, son.
0:20:27 > 0:20:28Hello, calm down!
0:20:28 > 0:20:31I'm trying to talk to Dermot on the phone.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35CAROL SINGING OUTSIDE Dermot? Did you get the contract?
0:20:35 > 0:20:38# ..Joyful and triumphant... #
0:20:38 > 0:20:41I can't hear, there's carol singers!
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- Leave it to me, Mrs Brown. - # O come ye, o come ye... #
0:20:44 > 0:20:46FECK OFF!
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Fantastic! Well, just park the car and come on in.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57Dermot's just here, he got the contract!
0:20:57 > 0:20:59- ALL:- Hurrah!
0:20:59 > 0:21:04LAUGHTER Congratulations, boys, well done!
0:21:04 > 0:21:08- Well done! You got the contract. - We did.
0:21:08 > 0:21:09- And did you do the dance?- We did!
0:21:09 > 0:21:11And I didn't put a foot wrong!
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Well done, Buster! Go and get yourselves a drink.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Oh, wait, wait, just one second.
0:21:16 > 0:21:17What did the dance look like?
0:21:17 > 0:21:19I knew it! Go with it.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22No, no, no, come HERE!
0:21:27 > 0:21:30What...? What way did you start it?
0:21:33 > 0:21:36THEY GIGGLE
0:21:36 > 0:21:40- Like that. - Do a little bit of it, go on!
0:21:40 > 0:21:42We've no music or anything, Ma!
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Oh, I have fuckin' music!
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Are you ready?
0:21:51 > 0:21:53OOMPAH MUSIC STARTS
0:22:09 > 0:22:11AUDIENCE CHEER AND APPLAUD
0:22:19 > 0:22:20Touche!
0:22:22 > 0:22:26I'm glad we got to Christmas and we're not fighting.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Me too...
0:22:28 > 0:22:29Husband!
0:22:29 > 0:22:33Dino, you're more than my husband...
0:22:33 > 0:22:35you're me best friend.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37AUDIENCE: Awww!
0:22:37 > 0:22:38Thank you.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
0:22:43 > 0:22:45..I'd miss you every day!
0:22:49 > 0:22:51What is SHE doing here?
0:22:51 > 0:22:54Rory asked her. Sorry, it's not fair to you.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56You haven't changed a bit!
0:22:56 > 0:23:00- Yes, I have.- No, you're still as handsome as ever.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Bubbles, I don't know what you were expecting,
0:23:03 > 0:23:05but if it's hooking up with me...
0:23:05 > 0:23:08That's it, hold this. I'm going to smack her!
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Hold on there, Bubblicious!
0:23:12 > 0:23:15Now, there's only two women in this room that get
0:23:15 > 0:23:17to stroke his face like that, and you are not one of them!
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Calm down, Mrs Brown.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23Mark's a big boy, he's well able to make his own decisions.
0:23:23 > 0:23:24Listen, Chunky...
0:23:25 > 0:23:27As far as I'm concerned, Mark Brown had
0:23:27 > 0:23:30the luckiest break of his life 12 years ago!
0:23:30 > 0:23:31Not because you dumped him.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Because he met Betty.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35You couldn't come near her.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37And she's crap!
0:23:42 > 0:23:43It's time I was going.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Check your watch again, love. You'll find it's slow...
0:23:46 > 0:23:4812 years slow.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Good riddance!
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Oh!
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Don't push yer fuckin' luck, Betty.
0:23:57 > 0:23:58- Oh, thanks very much, Winnie. - Cheers, pet.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03- Sit down, love.- Oh, thanks, love.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Winnie, I've decided to help you...
0:24:06 > 0:24:08- ..with your bucket list. - Really? How?
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Well, what was the first thing on it?
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Get a tattoo.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16- Roll up your sleeve.- Right.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20BOTH LAUGH
0:24:22 > 0:24:23What's the next thing?
0:24:23 > 0:24:26See the Rifle Tower.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Winnie, I cashed in my Canada ticket
0:24:28 > 0:24:32in exchange for two tickets to Paris to see the Eiffel Tower.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34- AUDIENCE:- Awww!
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Ah, Agnes...
0:24:37 > 0:24:40- ..who am I going to bring?- Feck off!
0:24:42 > 0:24:43What else?
0:24:43 > 0:24:47Oh, yeah, drink hot chocolate in the snow.
0:24:47 > 0:24:48Taste that.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55It's hot chocolate!
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Now, here...
0:24:58 > 0:24:59put them on.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Follow me.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09FOLLOW ME!
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Ah, Agnes!
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Ah, this is amazing!
0:25:29 > 0:25:31What was the next thing on your list?
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Own a bit of land.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Ah, Jaysus, Agnes, you haven't gone and bought me a farm, have you?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40No.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44Better! Here, look at that.
0:25:46 > 0:25:52"Winnie McGoogan, you are now the owner of KT1069."
0:25:52 > 0:25:53What's that?
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Winnie, look up at the sky.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Yeah?
0:25:58 > 0:26:00- Do you see the Plough?- Yeah.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Now follow me, count to five.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07- BOTH:- One, two, three, four, five.
0:26:07 > 0:26:08- Now go up one.- Yeah?
0:26:08 > 0:26:10- See that star?- Uh-huh?
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Congratulations, Winnie, you own that.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18Ah, Agnes, that's amazing!
0:26:18 > 0:26:22Here, who owns the bright one next to it?
0:26:22 > 0:26:23Me!
0:26:23 > 0:26:25BOTH LAUGH
0:26:27 > 0:26:28- TREE:- You can't touch this!
0:26:31 > 0:26:33It's a pity it isn't snowing.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Hold on!
0:26:38 > 0:26:40DEVICE BLEEPS
0:26:42 > 0:26:46Ah, Agnes this is... this is amazing!
0:26:49 > 0:26:51You're too good to me.
0:26:51 > 0:26:52Yes, I am.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55This is lovely!
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Well, Buster said it was a reject.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02I don't know why they rejected it. Seems to be working fine.
0:27:17 > 0:27:21Well...that's Christmas done
0:27:21 > 0:27:24and I managed to get through it in one piece.
0:27:24 > 0:27:29Ahhhhh! Help, I'm after falling down the stairs!
0:27:29 > 0:27:32- Help!- Good God! Grandad!
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Aargh!
0:27:39 > 0:27:42I'm grand, I'm grand!
0:27:43 > 0:27:47I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine!
0:27:47 > 0:27:48Really, I'm OK!
0:27:48 > 0:27:49- TREE:- You can't touch this!
0:28:02 > 0:28:05No...still in one piece!
0:28:05 > 0:28:06Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:28:09 > 0:28:12Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Goodnight!
0:28:16 > 0:28:17# You can't touch this
0:28:19 > 0:28:21# Can't touch this
0:28:23 > 0:28:24# Break it down!
0:28:24 > 0:28:26# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
0:28:26 > 0:28:31# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
0:28:31 > 0:28:34# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
0:28:34 > 0:28:36# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
0:28:36 > 0:28:38# Stop, Hammer time!
0:28:38 > 0:28:40# Go with the flow, it is said
0:28:40 > 0:28:42# If you can't groove to this Then you probably are dead
0:28:42 > 0:28:44# So wave your hands in the air
0:28:44 > 0:28:46# Bust a few moves run your fingers through your hair
0:28:46 > 0:28:47# This is it, for a winner
0:28:47 > 0:28:49# Dance to this and you're gonna get thinner
0:28:49 > 0:28:50# Move, slide your rump
0:28:50 > 0:28:52# Just for a minute let's all do the bump
0:28:52 > 0:28:54# Bump, bump, bump
0:28:54 > 0:28:55# Yeah
0:28:55 > 0:28:56# You can't touch this. #
0:28:58 > 0:29:02- Bye!- Merry Christmas!- Goodnight! SHE LAUGHS