0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language and adult humour
0:00:09 > 0:00:11SHE CACKLES
0:00:11 > 0:00:15Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys!
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# She's Mrs Brown
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# That's Mrs Brown
0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Our Mrs Brown. #
0:00:27 > 0:00:29How long have you had this headache?
0:00:29 > 0:00:3120 years!
0:00:31 > 0:00:34And he's not just a headache, he's a pain in the arse!
0:00:34 > 0:00:37Mrs Brown, I was asking Grandad!
0:00:37 > 0:00:38A bit of privacy, please?
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Fine.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Look straight into the light, Grandad.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Go to the light, Grandad!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Go to the light!
0:00:49 > 0:00:50Meh!
0:00:50 > 0:00:51Mrs Brown!
0:00:55 > 0:00:57How's it going with the homework, Bono?
0:00:57 > 0:00:58Erm, yeah, it's OK.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Well, don't be afraid to ask if you need any help
0:01:01 > 0:01:02Grandad... Oh!
0:01:02 > 0:01:04LAUGHTER AND CHEERING
0:01:23 > 0:01:25How's it going with the homework, Mary?
0:01:25 > 0:01:26LAUGHTER
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Erm, yeah, it's OK.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Well, don't be afraid to ask if you need help.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35Granny, what's Einstein's theory of relativity?
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Don't be afraid to ask if you need help.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Bathroom break!
0:01:45 > 0:01:46Fresh tea break!
0:01:48 > 0:01:51# Stuff the turkey's arse with holly
0:01:51 > 0:01:53# La, la, la, la, la, la-la, la, la... #
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Hello!
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Well, I hope you're enjoying the Christmas season.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59I am!
0:01:59 > 0:02:01And it's forecast for snow this week,
0:02:01 > 0:02:03so that'll bring in the Christmassy feeling!
0:02:03 > 0:02:07# We wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year! #
0:02:07 > 0:02:10There's the Bluebell Girls' Choir!
0:02:10 > 0:02:11Hello, boys!
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Hiya, Ma! Oh, it's freezing out.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15I know, love. Want a cup of tea?
0:02:15 > 0:02:16No, we just had coffee.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19We're in the middle of decorating the salon
0:02:19 > 0:02:20and Rory thought you might have
0:02:20 > 0:02:22an old Christmas tree that you're not using?
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Nope.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27My trees don't make it past Christmas.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Ah, pity!
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Here, Dino, show Mammy your balls!
0:02:35 > 0:02:36They're huge, Mammy!
0:02:38 > 0:02:39What?!
0:02:39 > 0:02:41The Christmas balls you bought.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Baubles, Rory. They're called baubles.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Whatever. Show Mammy.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Aren't they lovely?!
0:02:54 > 0:02:57I don't know why, but I expected them to be ginger!
0:03:04 > 0:03:05May I ask where you got these?
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Oh, we bought them off a street seller - cheap as chips!
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Well, I'm not surprised. I think these are feckin' illegal.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Would you stop it, Mammy?! They're not drugs.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16No, but they're a fire hazard, Rory.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Rory, seriously, be careful.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19They're grand.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22For two euro, what do you expect - gold plated?
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Right, Dino, grab your balls and let's go.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28Baubles!
0:03:30 > 0:03:31Baubles, Rory!
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Fine, baubles.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36We've got to go and buy a Christmas tree, Mammy.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38- Do you want me to pick you up one? - No, thank you.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41See ya!
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Well, there's a lesson for you at home -
0:03:44 > 0:03:46a safe Christmas is a happy Christmas.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Hmm.
0:03:48 > 0:03:49No paper decorations.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52I can just see Dino's balls melting in front of my eyes.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54SHE CACKLES Yeah!
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Hello, Mrs Brown.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:02 > 0:04:03Hello, Buster.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05- Dermot said I had to meet him here. - Well, he's not here.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08He was here earlier on his way to meet the pet shop people.
0:04:08 > 0:04:09He said he'd be back later.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11That's all right, I'll just wait.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Oh, wonderful(!)
0:04:14 > 0:04:15Good morning, Dr Flynn.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- Ah, good morning, Cathy. - Morning, Grandad.
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Meh.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20How is he, Dr Flynn?
0:04:22 > 0:04:24I'm not sure.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Good morning, love.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Hiya, Mammy. Hiya, Buster.
0:04:29 > 0:04:30Hel-lo, Cathy.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33I dreamt about you again last night.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35BOTH: Shut up, Buster!
0:04:37 > 0:04:39It's going to be a cold one out there today.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41You'll definitely need your muff today!
0:04:41 > 0:04:44LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:45 > 0:04:48And I've a shop to do. Do you know, I don't think I'll bother.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50You should do your shopping online.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52They'll deliver it and you won't have to leave the house.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Online? Interesting.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Oh, before I forget, Mrs Brown,
0:04:56 > 0:04:58I'm after gettin' you a fantastic Christmas tree this year...
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Hold it just there, Buster.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Not this year, thank you.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05You're not going to buy your tree off me this year?
0:05:05 > 0:05:07No. Not off you or off anybody else.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10I've decided, I'm not having a Christmas tree this year.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12But we always have a Christmas tree, Mammy!
0:05:12 > 0:05:14And it always buckin' attacks ME!
0:05:16 > 0:05:19That's the best part of our Christmas!
0:05:20 > 0:05:21Is it now?!
0:05:23 > 0:05:25You need a Christmas tree, or it's not Christmas.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Buster, Christmas is about family,
0:05:27 > 0:05:31not about Christmas trees or decorations - just family.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33So you don't want a present then?
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Of course I do, that's why you have a buckin' family!
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Tea!
0:05:38 > 0:05:40We should put a bulb in his mouth and light HIM up!
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Anyway, Christmas is not the same with yous all grown up.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48I loved Christmas morning.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52God, I remember the excitement of coming down the stairs
0:05:52 > 0:05:55to see if Santa left me what I asked for.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56I remember I used to run downstairs
0:05:56 > 0:05:58and my daddy would scoop me up and throw me in the air.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01SHE LAUGHS Pity he didn't buckin' catch you.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04I never got what I asked Santa for.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09One year I asked him for a yo-yo.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12And when I came downstairs, he'd left a piece of string.
0:06:14 > 0:06:15My dad said it was a yo.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19There's a picture I won't get out of me head.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Buster playing with his yo-yo.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24What are you doing, Bono?
0:06:24 > 0:06:27- Homework. - Do you want some help?
0:06:27 > 0:06:29He's in fifth class, Buster,
0:06:29 > 0:06:31might be a bit advanced for you.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Don't mind her, Bono.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38At school my teacher said I was really special.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Come on, try me.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Name some animals that are in the zoo.
0:06:44 > 0:06:45Elephants.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48And what do they get for lunch?
0:06:48 > 0:06:49A half an hour - next.
0:06:51 > 0:06:52Science.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55If someone calls your name in a vacuum, would you hear it?
0:06:55 > 0:06:58No - you can't hear anything with that Hoover on.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02English. What is the opposite to sadness?
0:07:02 > 0:07:03Happiness.
0:07:03 > 0:07:04Busy?
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Lazy.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07Woe?
0:07:07 > 0:07:08Giddy up.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14Don't just look at it, drink the feckin' thing.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16- So how is he?- He's not great.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Not great? He never was average!
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Mrs Brown, what if Grandad was at death's door?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24I'd say, "Open them!" and push him buckin' through!
0:07:27 > 0:07:29SHE CACKLES
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Hiya, Mammy!
0:07:36 > 0:07:38APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:07:41 > 0:07:43My God, there's a big pussy!
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Dermot you look funny!
0:07:47 > 0:07:49And so will you. Your costume's in that bag.
0:07:51 > 0:07:52What's in the box?
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Envelopes with flyers for Jack Rabbit pet shop.
0:07:54 > 0:07:5620,000 of them in the car.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57You got the contract?
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- Not exactly. It's a week's trial.- Oh!
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Our envelopes have one of these in it...
0:08:02 > 0:08:03Cat!
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Cat.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09But, he's given another company envelopes with these in it -
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Dog.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Dog.
0:08:13 > 0:08:14He says he'll know by the most flyers
0:08:14 > 0:08:17he gets back to the shop who's doing the best job.
0:08:17 > 0:08:18No bother...
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Who's the other company?
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Street Smart Advertising.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Oh, Dermot, they're big!
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Bigger than us. So I don't know if we should bother.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Of course you will!
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Your father always used to say, you go after what you want,
0:08:33 > 0:08:35regardless, even if you have to beg.
0:08:37 > 0:08:38Mind you, that was about sex!
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Your mammy's right, Dermot.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45They might be bigger but we've got smarter ideas.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47You have a smart idea, Buster?
0:08:50 > 0:08:51No.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Come on, Buster, let's get started.
0:08:55 > 0:08:56Mammy, I'll drop in during the week
0:08:56 > 0:08:58and help you put your Christmas tree up.
0:08:58 > 0:08:59She's not having a tree this year.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01- You're kidding. - Hello, Betty.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Hiya, boys. Come on, Bono, let's go.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Daddy's out in the car.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06You can't be serious, Mammy!
0:09:06 > 0:09:07What's up?
0:09:07 > 0:09:08Mammy's not having a tree.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10- Of course she is. - I'm not!
0:09:10 > 0:09:12She's not. Look, she just said!
0:09:12 > 0:09:14"I'm not!"
0:09:14 > 0:09:15She is.
0:09:15 > 0:09:16I'm not, and that's the end of it.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18I don't want to hear any more about it.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Now, go on, off. Out with you, the whole lot of you.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24See you, Granny.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27See you, love. I love you.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28I love you more.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29I love you the most.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33I love you to the moon and back!
0:09:40 > 0:09:43These will ease the headaches but I want to get him in for a brain scan.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Good luck finding anything there!
0:09:46 > 0:09:48It'll be just in and out.
0:09:48 > 0:09:49That's what they all say.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Nxt thing you know you're pregnant.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Right, we'll make an appointment for him for the new year.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Now. This week.
0:09:58 > 0:09:59What's the hurry?
0:10:03 > 0:10:05This is really serious?
0:10:05 > 0:10:08I'll make a call and get him in ASAP.
0:10:08 > 0:10:09Oh, dear...
0:10:11 > 0:10:12Don't you be upset.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15I'm not upset, it's just, if he dies before Christmas...
0:10:15 > 0:10:17I think I've ordered too big a turkey.
0:10:30 > 0:10:31Agnes?
0:10:31 > 0:10:32What?
0:10:32 > 0:10:35You know on Christmas Day, after the dinner...?
0:10:35 > 0:10:36Yes...
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Did you ever have a quickie?
0:10:41 > 0:10:44As opposed to what - a longy?
0:10:45 > 0:10:47- Thanks, love.- Thanks, Pet.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51How's it going on the boyfriend front, Cathy?
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Don't ask! SHE CACKLES
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Sorry!
0:10:58 > 0:11:02Sharon's the same. Will she ever lose her virginity?
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Will Jacko get out for Christmas, Winnie?
0:11:09 > 0:11:12The doctor said there's a really good chance.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14It would be great if he got out.
0:11:14 > 0:11:15Even if it was just for a quickie.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Sharon, do you mind if I announce the table quiz?
0:11:20 > 0:11:21Work away, Father.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Excuse me. Excuse me, everybody!
0:11:26 > 0:11:27CHATTER CONTINUES
0:11:27 > 0:11:28Sharon?
0:11:28 > 0:11:30QUIET!
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Thank you, Sharon.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36I just want to remind you all about the table quiz here tomorrow night,
0:11:36 > 0:11:38in order to raise funds
0:11:38 > 0:11:41for the Nativi-did-ity display at the church.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43The Nativity-divity?!
0:11:43 > 0:11:44LAUGHTER
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Nat-tivity-diddity?!
0:11:47 > 0:11:48Nativity-diddity!
0:11:48 > 0:11:51One line - who thought you could fuck it up?!
0:11:56 > 0:11:57OK!
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Sharon, would you mind keeping an eye?
0:11:59 > 0:12:01I'm just going to the toilet, love.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Oh, look, two big cats.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08SHE CACKLES
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Are you allergic to cats, Agnes?
0:12:11 > 0:12:12Jeez, I don't know, Winnie,
0:12:12 > 0:12:14I've never eaten one.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16They're cocky.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Here, give us the keys to the van.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24I left me phone in there.
0:12:26 > 0:12:27DOG GROWLS
0:12:29 > 0:12:30Baaaa!
0:12:34 > 0:12:37- Gunther.- Dermot.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39This contract's too big for you.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Why don't you leave it to the BIG dogs?
0:12:44 > 0:12:46RUFF!
0:12:46 > 0:12:47Rory Brown?
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Over here, Barbara!
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Wash & Blow - it's on fire!
0:12:51 > 0:12:53- Aagh!- Go! Go! Go! Go!
0:13:12 > 0:13:15No. We were very lucky.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19Nobody was hurt and the insurance will cover the damage.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21A few days, we'll be back in business.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25So, you want to look like this?
0:13:32 > 0:13:34TOILET FLUSHES
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Cathy, your no-no is in the downstairs toilet!
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Hello! Welcome to Chez Agnes. SHE LAUGHS
0:13:50 > 0:13:54Can I just say that the downstairs toilet is for number ones only?
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Take your number twos home with you, all right?
0:14:00 > 0:14:01Is everybody all right?
0:14:01 > 0:14:03- Yes!- Perfect!
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Hm. Lovely! Don't forget to tip your stylist.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08She's awful!
0:14:08 > 0:14:10But seriously, don't forget.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14So, Winnie, where were we?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16A tropical hideaway.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19That's a place nobody can find and it rains all day.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Hmm, you're right.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25Well, what about this - historic accommodation?
0:14:25 > 0:14:28No bath and the toilet's out in the yard.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29- DOORBELL RINGS - I'll get it!
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Thanks, Cathy!
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Andalucia - what about a skiing holiday?
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Would you feck off, Winnie!
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Why would I pay money for that when I can stick me head
0:14:38 > 0:14:40in the fridge and throw meself on the ground?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42It'd be nice, though. You know,
0:14:42 > 0:14:45sitting by the fire with the snow outside.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47It's forecast for snow here next week,
0:14:47 > 0:14:50you don't have to go to your Auntie Lucia!
0:14:50 > 0:14:52AUDIENCE WOLF-WHISTLES
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Hello, Father Damien.
0:15:07 > 0:15:08Cup of tea?
0:15:08 > 0:15:11No, thanks, Mrs Brown. I'm just here to pick up Trevor.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Cathy, tell Trevor, will you,
0:15:26 > 0:15:29that Father Cock... Father Damien is here.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36So, where are you off to?
0:15:38 > 0:15:39The cinema.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Very nice.
0:15:46 > 0:15:47Hello, Mrs McGoogan.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Hello, Father.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Checking out the holiday brochures?
0:15:51 > 0:15:55Yeah, we do this at this time every year, don't we, Agnes?
0:15:55 > 0:15:56Yes, we do.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02You should take a trip to Lourdes - the place of miracles.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Is... Is that where you were circumcised?
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Is it free accommodation and free flights?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18- No.- Yeah, then there's no buckin' miracle!
0:16:20 > 0:16:21- Hey!- Hiya!
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Are you all right?
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Uh, yeah. We're going to the cinema?
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Yeah?
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Oh, this! I'm just back from a tennis game.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34I'll stop at the house and change on the way.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Oh, thank God! I thought nobody was going to say anything.
0:16:40 > 0:16:41About what?
0:16:49 > 0:16:50What are you doing, Agnes?
0:16:50 > 0:16:52I'm shopping online.
0:16:52 > 0:16:53Oh.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Winnie, get me purse off the counter, will you?
0:16:55 > 0:16:58LAUGHING: There it is!
0:17:00 > 0:17:01Ah, who's that for?
0:17:01 > 0:17:03Never you mind!
0:17:03 > 0:17:04Now, delivery address...
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Take out me credit card. Expiry date?
0:17:09 > 0:17:10What's the expiry date on the card?
0:17:11 > 0:17:1408-19.
0:17:14 > 0:17:15What's the name on the card?
0:17:17 > 0:17:19V-I-S-A.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30I'm just saying, Father,
0:17:30 > 0:17:33I think Joseph was very kind.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35I could just imagine what my Jacko would have said
0:17:35 > 0:17:37if I came home and said I was pregnant
0:17:37 > 0:17:39but it wasn't you, it was the Holy Ghost.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43He'd probably say, "Well, there's one job off me list!"
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Job off me...!
0:17:46 > 0:17:47Yeah...
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Well, I tell you now, Father, if I was the Virgin Mary
0:17:49 > 0:17:51and the Holy Ghost appeared to me,
0:17:51 > 0:17:54I'd have said, "Listen here, Casper...
0:17:54 > 0:17:57"I don't care who your father is. Put that away. No, thank you."
0:17:59 > 0:18:00Right, Damien, let's hit the bar.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Another round, Agnes, love?
0:18:05 > 0:18:08No, Winnie. I'll go home.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Ah, Agnes, what about the quiz?
0:18:11 > 0:18:12I'm not in the humour.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14I'll have to do it on me own, so.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Yeah, well, I'll ring Mensa and tell 'em to expect a new member.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20- LAUGHING:- Mensa!
0:18:20 > 0:18:22You wouldn't get me in a spaceship!
0:18:31 > 0:18:34CHILDREN CHATTER AND LAUGH
0:18:34 > 0:18:38Nothing nicer than hearing children playing in the snow.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40It's cold, but.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42I hate the cold.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44I like the snow but I hate the feckin' cold.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47SHE CHUCKLES: Ah, look at them.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Hello!
0:18:50 > 0:18:51Oh!
0:18:53 > 0:18:54Go on, you little devil!
0:18:57 > 0:18:58You bastards!
0:18:58 > 0:19:00CLANK
0:19:12 > 0:19:14You know, I've been saying all week,
0:19:14 > 0:19:17there seems to be something missing this Christmas.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19And, no, it's not the Christmas tree.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22I mightn't have a Christmas tree but at least I know I'm safe.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24SHE CACKLES
0:19:24 > 0:19:25No.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29Spirit - that's what's missing, the Christmas spirit. Yes.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Yeah...
0:19:34 > 0:19:36I should have had a Christmas tree.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Well? What did you think of your surprise?
0:19:43 > 0:19:45What surprise?
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Ah, Agnes, you didn't even read the card!
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Who's this from?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55"You said it's not Christmas without a family
0:19:55 > 0:19:58"and I say it's not Christmas without a Christmas tree,
0:19:58 > 0:20:01"so here's the best of both worlds -
0:20:01 > 0:20:03"a family of Christmas trees."
0:20:04 > 0:20:06- "Merry Christmas from Buster."- Yeah.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10What's that feckin' eejit talking about?
0:20:12 > 0:20:13In the sitting room, Agnes!
0:20:28 > 0:20:30It's-it's magical, it's...
0:20:30 > 0:20:32It's just magical!
0:20:32 > 0:20:33Oh, look!
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Agnes, look at the size of this little one.
0:20:36 > 0:20:37Look at the size of this big one!
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Oh...
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Oh, no!
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Winnie, don't push the feckin'...
0:20:48 > 0:20:49Agh!
0:20:49 > 0:20:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:56 > 0:20:58HE LAUGHS
0:21:08 > 0:21:09Well, well, well.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11What?
0:21:11 > 0:21:14That's the first time I've heard you laughing this Christmas.
0:21:14 > 0:21:15I can laugh if I want to.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16Oh, yes, you can.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21But I haven't heard you laugh
0:21:21 > 0:21:22since Dr Flynn's visit.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Is it these tests that Dr Flynn is doing?
0:21:28 > 0:21:31For God's sake, Grandad, they're only tests.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35Come on, get that puss off you and take it like a man.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37That's the thing -
0:21:37 > 0:21:39"Take it like a man."
0:21:39 > 0:21:41I'm scared.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Well, of course you're scared.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49You can't have courage unless you're afraid.
0:21:49 > 0:21:50And you have courage.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52I've seen it down the years.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Remember when we were at the beach?
0:21:55 > 0:21:56Cathy was only a young one
0:21:56 > 0:21:58and she went into the sea and she's swimming
0:21:58 > 0:22:00and she got caught in the current.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04Who was it that dived in, even though you're afraid of the sea
0:22:04 > 0:22:07and fought against the currents to bring her out safe?
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Me.
0:22:09 > 0:22:10Yes, you.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12And when the burglars broke into the house,
0:22:12 > 0:22:15and I heard them downstairs and I called out, what did you do?
0:22:15 > 0:22:17I locked me bedroom door.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24That's right, you chicken bastard!
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Look, Grandad,
0:22:29 > 0:22:32the only thing that conquers fear is courage,
0:22:32 > 0:22:35and the foundation of that courage is love,
0:22:35 > 0:22:37and for the life of me, I don't know why,
0:22:37 > 0:22:40but in this house you are loved.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Now, come on, go and get the test done
0:22:44 > 0:22:47and then come back to those who love you.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49I'll make sure they're both here.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Bastard.
0:23:03 > 0:23:04Bitch!
0:23:06 > 0:23:07That's better.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11I thought you were doing the quiz in Foley's.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13I wasn't in the humour.
0:23:14 > 0:23:15SHE CHUCKLES
0:23:15 > 0:23:17I tell you what, I'll go if you go.
0:23:18 > 0:23:19All right!
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Come on, let's go. SHE CACKLES
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Oh, now mind yourself here. It's like Nottingham Forest here.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Whoa! Whoa! This could be a buckin' long episode.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35And the answer to question five -
0:23:35 > 0:23:39the town that Jesus of Nazareth came from was...Nazareth!
0:23:41 > 0:23:44I know, I should have got that one.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Right, let's look at the scoreboard.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Well, going into the last round,
0:23:49 > 0:23:53it's a tie for first place between the Masterminds and...
0:23:53 > 0:23:55The Free Finglas Army!
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Here we go with the final round...
0:23:59 > 0:24:01DRAMATIC QUIZ SHOW MUSIC
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Question One - what was Hitler's first name?
0:24:10 > 0:24:11Heil. Heil Hitler.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18Dermot, come back here with me, I want to show you something.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Mr Foley, I'm in the quiz!
0:24:20 > 0:24:21It's important, son.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24- Next question... - Go, you're useless anyway.
0:24:24 > 0:24:25..what is the capital of Peru?
0:24:25 > 0:24:27What was the question?
0:24:27 > 0:24:29The capital of Peru?
0:24:30 > 0:24:32- Lima!- Bang on!
0:24:32 > 0:24:33Write it down.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Question three - who invented the thermometer?
0:24:36 > 0:24:38I have it - Fahrenheit.
0:24:41 > 0:24:42Would that be Fahrenheit?
0:24:42 > 0:24:45Don't be so feckin' stupid!
0:24:45 > 0:24:46No, the thermometer -
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Freddie Mercury.
0:24:51 > 0:24:52I saw Buster putting those in the skip
0:24:52 > 0:24:55out the back earlier today - ten boxes of them.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58He was supposed to deliver these.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00We're done, we'll lose!
0:25:00 > 0:25:01I'm sorry, Dermot.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Answers later, but the winners are...
0:25:05 > 0:25:07- the Masterminds! - THEY CHEER
0:25:07 > 0:25:08Feck sake, Grandad!
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Capital of Peru - Calcutta!
0:25:12 > 0:25:14That's in feckin' Wales!
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Drink, Dermo?
0:25:18 > 0:25:19Sure.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21After you explain how these ended up in Foley's skip.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Ah, erm...
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Forget it, Buster, it's too late.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Hello, Mr Rabbit.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Well, Dermot...
0:25:41 > 0:25:43..congratulations!
0:25:43 > 0:25:44You get the contract.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47For a full year and we'll review it then.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Eh, yeah, great!
0:25:50 > 0:25:51But what about...?
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Useless!
0:25:56 > 0:25:59They didn't drum up one bit of business.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Lousy, flea-bitten wasters!
0:26:08 > 0:26:09Dog!
0:26:09 > 0:26:10But that's their flyer.
0:26:14 > 0:26:18You broke into their van and switched the boxes!
0:26:18 > 0:26:19So THEY delivered OUR flyers!
0:26:21 > 0:26:22Meow.
0:26:27 > 0:26:28Winnie, you were useless,
0:26:28 > 0:26:31you didn't answer one feckin' question!
0:26:31 > 0:26:33I didn't want to interrupt you.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37If Cathy slags us, I'll give her a piece of my mind.
0:26:37 > 0:26:38Can you spare it?
0:26:43 > 0:26:44Sharon, same again.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Hard luck, Mrs Brown.
0:26:46 > 0:26:47Yeah.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Did you get the surprise I left you?
0:26:49 > 0:26:52Oh, yes, I did - right between the buckin' shoulder blades.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Still, it was very kind of you.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59Eh, not really - you owe me 140 euro.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04I thought so, I'll pay you tomorrow.
0:27:04 > 0:27:09Oh, here - here's something I seen on the interweb. Here.
0:27:11 > 0:27:12Come on, everybody -
0:27:12 > 0:27:15let's get this Christmas party started, for Grandad!
0:27:15 > 0:27:17CHEERING
0:27:17 > 0:27:19It just might be his last!
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Sharon, is the karaoke working?
0:27:23 > 0:27:24Yes.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Come on, girls, let's do this!
0:27:29 > 0:27:31THEY GIGGLE
0:27:31 > 0:27:33What did me ma get you?
0:27:38 > 0:27:41Ah, she could have got you something better than that.
0:27:43 > 0:27:44No, she couldn't, Dermot.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46No, she couldn't.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53MUSIC: Merry Xmas Everybody by Slade
0:28:44 > 0:28:49# So here it is, merry Christmas
0:28:49 > 0:28:53# Everybody's having fun
0:28:53 > 0:28:57# Look to the future now
0:28:57 > 0:29:04# It's only just begun
0:29:04 > 0:29:08# So here it is, merry Christmas
0:29:08 > 0:29:12# Everybody's having fun
0:29:12 > 0:29:16# Look to the future now
0:29:16 > 0:29:24# It's only just begun... #
0:29:24 > 0:29:27APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:29:32 > 0:29:36From all of us to all of you - a very merry Christmas!
0:29:36 > 0:29:40It's Christmaaaas! SHE CACKLES