0:00:04 > 0:00:10This programme contains some strong language and adult humour
0:00:10 > 0:00:11SHE CACKLES
0:00:11 > 0:00:16Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys!
0:00:16 > 0:00:21# She's Mrs Brown That's Mrs Brown
0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Our Mrs Brown. #
0:00:31 > 0:00:35I wonder who Mammy does be talking to here in the mornings?
0:00:35 > 0:00:38Is she doing a Shirley Valentine?
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Hello, wall. Hello, mug...
0:00:42 > 0:00:45- DOORBELL RINGS - Hello, doorbell...
0:00:45 > 0:00:46Doorbell!
0:00:53 > 0:00:55Can I help you?
0:00:55 > 0:00:57- Is this the home of Mrs Agnes Brown? - Yes, it is. Why?
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Come along, Missus.
0:01:02 > 0:01:07Good God, Mammy, what's wrong? Come in!
0:01:08 > 0:01:10We found her wandering around town in the cold.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14She said she could remember her address but couldn't remember how to get here.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16She seemed very confused, so we thought it best to bring her here.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Thank you, Guard.
0:01:18 > 0:01:23- Come on Mammy, let's get you out of that coat.- I'm fine.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Can you just leave them in the kitchen?
0:01:27 > 0:01:31- Maybe you should lie down? - I'm fine, Dermot.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45LAUGHTER
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Wrong house!
0:01:53 > 0:01:56- Thanks again, Guard. - No problem.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01By the way - Buster Brady called.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Hello! Oh, God, it's cold out there!
0:02:09 > 0:02:13By the way, don't mind me. I'm fine.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Just it was freezing cold and snowing and I couldn't get a taxi
0:02:15 > 0:02:20and I'm fucked if I'm carrying all that shopping home on my own!
0:02:20 > 0:02:22LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:22 > 0:02:26PHONE RINGS
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Leave it! Step away from the phone!
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Hello?
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Oui. Bonjour, Gaston!
0:02:38 > 0:02:42- SHE GIGGLES - Tres bien...
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Oh, merci!
0:02:45 > 0:02:47"Ooh, merci!"
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Pardon, mon amour...
0:02:50 > 0:02:53I'll take this upstairs, thank you!
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Eddie bee-dee, bom-bom, bom-bom!
0:02:58 > 0:03:01What's that all about, do you think?
0:03:01 > 0:03:03- Hiya, Mammy!- Hello, Rory!
0:03:03 > 0:03:06I just slipped out for a quick cuppa... Get a bit of peace.
0:03:06 > 0:03:11- Peace from what? - Dino. He's doing me head in - about the insurance claim.
0:03:11 > 0:03:12What about it?
0:03:12 > 0:03:16There's paperwork to be done and he's just keeps going on and
0:03:16 > 0:03:19on and on...
0:03:19 > 0:03:22I swear sometimes he's like a whingeing little girl.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Am I?
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Am I a whingeing little girl?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29I see!
0:03:29 > 0:03:33HE WAILS
0:03:35 > 0:03:39- APPLAUSE - Dino...
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Hello, Betty... Hello, Mark!
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Is this the rest of the stairlift?
0:03:47 > 0:03:48That's the rest of it.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Grandad coming home from hospital.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53I don't want him clomping up and down the stairs - you know,
0:03:53 > 0:03:55- after surgery.- No.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Cup of tea, Betty?
0:04:03 > 0:04:06SHE MAKES POPPING NOISES One, two, one, two.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11- SHOUTING: TEA, BETTY? - What? Oh, yeah, thanks.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16Yeah, all seems straightforward.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18I'll fit it tomorrow, shouldn't take more than an hour or two.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22Good man. WHISPERS: What's wrong with her?
0:04:22 > 0:04:24School thing... Bono.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27- Bono? At school? What - what is it? - Nothing... she gets too involved...
0:04:27 > 0:04:29I can hear youse, I'm sitting right here!
0:04:29 > 0:04:32It was him - it was him!
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Right, Betty, let's go.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36No, you go on ahead. I'm meeting Maria here.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38- We're going into town.- See you later!- See ya.
0:04:38 > 0:04:43- See you, Ma.- I'll see you, love.
0:04:43 > 0:04:44So, what's this about Bono?
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Mrs Brown, what do you know about bullying at school?
0:04:48 > 0:04:52Bullying? Well... I was very good at it.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54- What? - I'm only joking!
0:04:54 > 0:04:58I was just trying to lighten the mood...
0:04:58 > 0:05:01SHE CACKLES Not fuckin' easy!
0:05:01 > 0:05:03- Joking about what?- Nothing. - Tell us what's going on.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06I think Bono's getting bullied at school.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09- You think? - He's not saying...but...
0:05:09 > 0:05:12You know, I read that kids who are being bullied do that.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16Well, they don't tell their parents they're being bullied because they don't want their parents
0:05:16 > 0:05:19to interfere in case it gets worse. You could be right.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Well, he mightn't tell you, but he'll tell me.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Why don't you let me pick him up from school today?
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- I'll have a chat with him. - Oh, would you?- Yes!
0:05:27 > 0:05:30- Great, more time to spend in town. - Ah, I feel better now!
0:05:30 > 0:05:31Good.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Oh, and wait till I tell you what Dermot wants us to do...
0:05:34 > 0:05:37- The Flintstones - it's going to be great fun!- What?!
0:05:37 > 0:05:41- Come on, I'll explain on the way. - Well, what, well, tell me! What?
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Oh, and one more thing, Mrs Brown.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45- My mother - she's on the school board.- Yeah...
0:05:45 > 0:05:48She's...um...what's the word?
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Bitch?
0:05:51 > 0:05:53- She's the secretary.- Oh, right.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Anyway, if Bono names a boy - don't get involved with them, OK?
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Of course not.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Just give the name to me and I'll pass it on to her.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Mummy will sort it out!
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Thank you, Maria.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10"Mummy will sort it out!"
0:06:11 > 0:06:14I don't need Higglary or anybody else!
0:06:18 > 0:06:20LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:20 > 0:06:21AGNES!
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Agnes, are you here?
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Ah, she must be out.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39- Are you Betty? - Yeah, I am.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44- Well, I'm Billy Curtain's mother. - Whose mother?
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Billy Curtain... He's in your son Bono's class.
0:06:47 > 0:06:48Right. So?
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Don't you EVER threaten my son again!
0:06:51 > 0:06:53What are you talking about?
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Billy told me...when you picked Bono up from school today,
0:06:56 > 0:06:59you called him a bully, and threatened him...
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Today?
0:07:03 > 0:07:05- Well, is he?- What?
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- Is your son a bully? - How dare you!
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Ladies, this is not the place...
0:07:11 > 0:07:16- Did you just touch my breast? - OK, I'm out!
0:07:16 > 0:07:19You have not heard the last of this, Betty Brown.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22- I am going to the school board. - Bring it on!
0:07:23 > 0:07:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:29 > 0:07:31So, Mrs Brown.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35She's alleging that you threatened to stab young Billy.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40- That is a lie. - What DID you say to him?
0:07:40 > 0:07:43I said, "I have skills..."
0:07:46 > 0:07:51"Don't close your eyes when you sleep tonight...
0:07:51 > 0:07:53"or I'll stick you like a pig."
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- WHAT?! - I'm joking.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59I told him not to bully Bono or anybody else in school.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02I said it's not good and I told him
0:08:02 > 0:08:04he'd make more friends if he was nicer...
0:08:05 > 0:08:08or I'd stick him like a pig.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11For God's sake! What are we going to do now, Father?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14I think we need to get Betty and Mrs Curtain together
0:08:14 > 0:08:16and then try talk this out...
0:08:16 > 0:08:18I could speak to Mother,
0:08:18 > 0:08:20she's on the school board and she knows Mrs Curtain.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22MIMICS MARIA: "I could speak to Mother!"
0:08:22 > 0:08:24I've an idea.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Why don't we get her up here for tea and that way her and
0:08:27 > 0:08:28Betty can talk things through?
0:08:28 > 0:08:32That's not a bad idea and it keeps it away from the school and it would be very informal.
0:08:32 > 0:08:37And maybe it would break the ice if we start the night by you apologising, Mrs Brown.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Right then, I'll speak to the school and tell them I'm handling it.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47I'll ask Mother to speak to Mrs Curtain.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Right, that's that, then.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Mark, are you done there?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Just about, I'll follow you out to the car.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58- Ah! Very nice. So when's Grandad home?- Tomorrow.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Lovely. Right, God bless, Mrs Brown.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04Yeah, God bless you, Father. Go easy on those skates!
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Right, Ma.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10It's fairly simple, the up arrow for up, the down arrow for down.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Thanks son, thank you very much.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15I don't think Betty's too pleased with me.
0:09:15 > 0:09:19Do you blame her? Why didn't you just leave things alone?
0:09:21 > 0:09:23- AUDIENCE:- Aww...
0:09:27 > 0:09:29SHE SNIGGERS
0:09:29 > 0:09:34"Man with five willies says his underpants fit him like a glove."
0:09:34 > 0:09:37LAUGHTER
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Morning, Mammy.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Buongiorno, Catalina!
0:09:45 > 0:09:47That's Italian. He's French!
0:09:47 > 0:09:51Well, how do you say in French, "that's nice"?
0:09:52 > 0:09:54I'm not sure, Mammy, but I know how to say
0:09:54 > 0:09:59"Mind your own business" - two words and the second one is "off".
0:09:59 > 0:10:02- DOORBELL RINGS - Ouvrez la porte!
0:10:02 > 0:10:05You mind your own porte!
0:10:05 > 0:10:07It means "open the door" in French.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11Well, if he gets his key in the lock, you make sure you have your safety chain on!
0:10:13 > 0:10:17Johnny keeps you safe! LAUGHTER AND LIGHT APPLAUSE
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Ah, welcome home, Grandad.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Mammy, it's Grandad!
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Hello, Grandad, welcome home!
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Come on, let's get you into your favourite chair.
0:10:28 > 0:10:29Actually, Mrs Brown,
0:10:29 > 0:10:32I think straight to bed would be the best thing...
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Oh, come on - just as well we got the stairlift.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38You're going to love this, Grandad, come on.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40I'll bring you up a cuppa, Grandad. Tea, Doctor?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43- Oh, I wouldn't mind a quick one. - If it's a quick one you want,
0:10:43 > 0:10:47you're going to have to get a Frenchman's arse out of the way!
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - What?
0:10:49 > 0:10:53Don't mind her. Thanks for bringing him home, Dr Flynn.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57Ah, it's no problem, Cathy. I'm just glad it wasn't anything serious.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00He looks well, Doctor.
0:11:00 > 0:11:05Ah, he's still in a lot of pain, but this might help.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Bring ID when you're getting that.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Why would I need ID for a prescription?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- It's marijuana! - The gangee?
0:11:15 > 0:11:19Medical marijuana. Most of my patients find it very good.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22He's Grandad Brown, not Bob Marley!
0:11:23 > 0:11:26- He doesn't even smoke! - He doesn't have to smoke it.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29I mean, you can try him with a smoke but if that doesn't work, just
0:11:29 > 0:11:32stir it into some yoghurt, or bake it into cup cakes...
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Well, I bow to your superior knowledge of narcotics!
0:11:38 > 0:11:41- Right, I'm off. - Thank you, Doctor.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Mammy, I'll pick that up in town for Grandad later.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48Ah-ha, are you going in to meet Crouton?
0:11:49 > 0:11:52It's Gaston! And no.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55- When are we going to meet him? - Let me think...
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Eh...NEVER!
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- I'm going - that cuppa's there for Grandad.- All right.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06- Ah, hiya, Winnie. - How are you, Cathy?
0:12:06 > 0:12:12- I just saw Dr Flynn pulling away... - You should report that.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:16 > 0:12:19I see Grandad's home, then?
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Yes, he looks well, but he's in a lot of pain.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25Oh, I know what that's like. My Jacko had a bad back for years!
0:12:25 > 0:12:28I think the only thing wrong with your Jacko's back was if
0:12:28 > 0:12:31somebody mentioned work, he couldn't get it off the bucking bed.
0:12:31 > 0:12:35Ah, Grandad, have you gone up and come back down again?
0:12:35 > 0:12:39- No.- Are you stuck?- No, it's just moving so feckin' slow!
0:12:40 > 0:12:42There has to be some way of speeding it up...
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Don't touch it!
0:12:47 > 0:12:49All right, all right, all right!
0:12:49 > 0:12:51I'll get Mark to look at it tomorrow.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53He can't go up at that speed.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57At that rate he'd be only up and it'd be down again.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Just like my Jacko...
0:13:00 > 0:13:03And then he falls asleep.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07He was never like that with me! LAUGHTER
0:13:12 > 0:13:15I can't get Grandad to take this stuff.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18I tried putting into yoghurt.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22No, he says he hates yoghurt so I'm going to try and do this -
0:13:22 > 0:13:24bake it into chocolate brownies.
0:13:26 > 0:13:31Add a soupcon? What the hell is a soupcon?
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Ah, that's close enough!
0:13:34 > 0:13:37LAUGHTER
0:13:37 > 0:13:39I even tried putting it into his tea.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42No, it just sank to the bottom of the mug.
0:13:42 > 0:13:46So this is my last resort. Chocolate brownies.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Ah well, we'll see!
0:13:50 > 0:13:53I even have Buster rolling it into cigarettes but it's
0:13:53 > 0:13:56a waste of time - Grandad won't smoke them.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00Still, I'm prepared to try anything. Any luck, Dermot?
0:14:00 > 0:14:02I don't know, Ma.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04I'm after tweaking a few switches and stuff,
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- but I think I'm better getting Mark to have a look at it.- Hmm.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09- How many of these do you want, Mrs Brown?- Just one or two, Buster,
0:14:09 > 0:14:11I don't think he's going to smoke them anyway.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Right, Buster, let's go. Bring your club.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16- See you, Ma.- See you, love.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Yabba dabba doo!
0:14:20 > 0:14:21Yabba dabba DON'T!
0:14:22 > 0:14:28APPLAUSE
0:14:34 > 0:14:38LAUGHTER
0:14:55 > 0:14:57I don't get it.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59They don't have any...
0:14:59 > 0:15:03LAUGHING: They don't have any effect on me!
0:15:03 > 0:15:06SHE CACKLES
0:15:10 > 0:15:12CACKLING
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Please, Gaston, sit down. Coffee?
0:15:23 > 0:15:27- Oui, but in a CLEAN cup. - DOORBELL RINGS
0:15:27 > 0:15:32SINGSONG: Someone's at the door!
0:15:32 > 0:15:33So?
0:15:33 > 0:15:36SLURRED: Well, open it and let them in!
0:15:40 > 0:15:43Excusez-moi, Gaston...
0:15:50 > 0:15:51I forgot me club!
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Looks real, doesn't it?
0:15:54 > 0:15:55It's plastic.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Mammy!
0:16:02 > 0:16:04It's Betty...
0:16:06 > 0:16:08..and Father Damien.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10SHE COUGHS
0:16:10 > 0:16:16Hello, Father. Hello, Father Damien, do sit down, do sit down.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19- Gaston is in the kitchen. - Oh, can I meet him?
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Come on. Now, his English isn't great.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24It'll be better than my French!
0:16:25 > 0:16:29So, Mrs Brown... Mrs Curtain is on her way with Mrs Nicholson.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32That's nice.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35I'm hopeful we can have a calm discussion and resolve this...
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Yes...
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Well, what we need...
0:16:40 > 0:16:42what we need to resolve, Father...
0:16:42 > 0:16:45is the bullying.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48The bullying needs to be resolved.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Well - well, yes, Mrs Brown - let's try resolve the animosity
0:16:51 > 0:16:55with the parents first and then we'll go from there...
0:16:55 > 0:17:01Yes... Father...I'm trying to stay very, very calm...
0:17:02 > 0:17:05My nipple's on fire!
0:17:07 > 0:17:10LAUGHTER
0:17:12 > 0:17:17- So, what are you doing in Ireland? - I am minding my own business.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20He means he's looking after his own business...
0:17:20 > 0:17:24Kitty...les chiottes...bathroom?
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Just in there on the left.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33He doesn't seem very nice.
0:17:33 > 0:17:37Ah, he is...it just takes time to get used to him.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43AGNES YELPS AND GIBBERS
0:17:46 > 0:17:48This one! This one! This one!
0:17:48 > 0:17:52SHE GIBBERS
0:17:55 > 0:17:58- It's just in there... - I'm fine...
0:18:01 > 0:18:06Thank you, Father. I'm just getting Father Damien a cup of tea.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Hello?
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Who the fuck are you?
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Mammy, this is Gaston.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Oh, Crouton!
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Lovely to meet you!
0:18:21 > 0:18:25Qui est cette femme affreuse avec les seins qui fument?
0:18:25 > 0:18:29Oh, stop it!
0:18:29 > 0:18:33He said...erm, what a pleasure to meet such a lovely lady.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Ha-ha-ha! That's very nice of you.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39I have to say Gaston, it's a pleasure to meet you.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41We've heard a lot about you.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44She said... MIMICS BETTY: It's a pleasure to meet you.
0:18:44 > 0:18:45Mammy!
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Sorry!
0:18:52 > 0:18:54You're not as handsome as I thought you'd be.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56GASTON SCOFFS
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Cathy, he has the personality of a buckin' speed bump!
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Kitty... Cafe!
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Coffee? Of course, Gaston.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Did he just click his buckin' fingers?
0:19:14 > 0:19:18I'll tell you what, Gaston...let's get a coffee in Foley's... Come on.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Ooh-la! DOORBELL RINGS
0:19:21 > 0:19:23DID he just click his fingers at Cathy Brown?
0:19:23 > 0:19:28- It doesn't matter...- It does matter, he buckin' got away with it!
0:19:28 > 0:19:31- Hilary and Mrs Curtain are here. - Ah, not these two!
0:19:31 > 0:19:34I'll make tea. Don't you mess this up.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Why is it always assumed that I'll mess it up?
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Why is it never her?
0:19:39 > 0:19:42They're always picking on me and I wouldn't mind, I'm a lady.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44She's a vicious, vicious c...
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Hello, Higgley...
0:19:47 > 0:19:51- Agnes.- Hello. - Hello.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Now, ladies, let's agree to begin this discussion in
0:19:54 > 0:19:57a congenial and respectful way.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00We should all hold hands and sing Kum Ba Yah.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05# Kum ba yah, my Lord Kum ba yah... #
0:20:05 > 0:20:07- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - Father!
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Listen. Mrs Brown, I didn't have to come here.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14No, and I appreciate that - I do.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Please call me Agnes. Hmm. And you are?
0:20:17 > 0:20:18Annette.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Annette.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22LAUGHTER
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Annette.
0:20:24 > 0:20:25Yes.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Annette Curtain?
0:20:33 > 0:20:36HOWLS OF LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:36 > 0:20:38AGNES LAUGHS
0:20:38 > 0:20:42Annette Curtain!
0:20:42 > 0:20:46I can see right through you!
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Annette Curtain! SHE LAUGHS
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Tea?
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Now, ladies...
0:20:53 > 0:20:54Betty, Betty!
0:20:54 > 0:20:57Annette Curtain!
0:20:57 > 0:21:00No frills! Ha-ha-ha!
0:21:00 > 0:21:04Mrs Brown, PLEASE!
0:21:04 > 0:21:08So... Betty, what do you think the cause of this conflict is?
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Her son's a little shit.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15I will not stand for that! You don't even know my son!
0:21:15 > 0:21:18No, it's you that doesn't know your son's a little bully!
0:21:18 > 0:21:22- Oh, ladies, please! - Stick him like a pig!
0:21:23 > 0:21:27Mrs Brown! We'll get nowhere with this attitude.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31- HILARY EXHALES DEEPLY - Right.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34AGNES EXHALES
0:21:38 > 0:21:42AGNES MAKES FARTING NOISE
0:21:42 > 0:21:47I have an idea - who'd like some chocolate brownies?
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Oh, this came in the post today.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01It says "The Owner - Wash and Blow".
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Oh, so YOU'RE the owner, are you?
0:22:04 > 0:22:08Fine, Bette Davis, you open it, so.
0:22:08 > 0:22:09No, no!
0:22:09 > 0:22:13- Fine, well, I'm not opening it. - Fine!
0:22:17 > 0:22:22"Please find enclosed..." It's a cheque from the insurance company.
0:22:22 > 0:22:27Ah, Dino...you filled out the paperwork.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- I love you... - AUDIENCE:- Aww...
0:22:32 > 0:22:33Hiya, Sharon.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Hiya.
0:22:35 > 0:22:36Is that...it?
0:22:38 > 0:22:42- That's Gaston. - Sorry.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46- Drinks here, servant woman! - AUDIENCE:- Oooh...
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Gaston, let's sit down.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53I'll come back for the drinks, Sharon.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Sit here.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Winnie, this is Gaston.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Lovely to meet you, pet!
0:23:05 > 0:23:08Yes. I'm sure.
0:23:08 > 0:23:14Here's one for ye... Who has two thumbs and likes chocolate eclairs?
0:23:15 > 0:23:19- Me! - SHE LAUGHS
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Kitty...hurry, please!
0:23:24 > 0:23:26I'm sorry, Sharon...he's French.
0:23:26 > 0:23:31Cathy, I know lots of French men - lovely men. HE'S just a dick!
0:23:32 > 0:23:33AUDIENCE CHEERS
0:23:33 > 0:23:37- Hiya, Cathy. Who's that? - It's Gaston!
0:23:37 > 0:23:39- The French fella?- Yeah.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44RORY HOWLS WITH LAUGHTER
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Ooh, so sorry...
0:23:47 > 0:23:52I don't understand it, Barbara... I didn't do any paperwork...
0:23:52 > 0:23:55I know, I did.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Now maybe we can go back to doing hair.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Oh, thanks, Barbara... I owe you.
0:24:00 > 0:24:04Oh, you DO - big time!
0:24:05 > 0:24:09I know, I had onions for me lunch.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Anyways, I said to him,
0:24:11 > 0:24:14"How dare you call me a slut?
0:24:14 > 0:24:19"Now get out of my bath and take your mate with you!"
0:24:19 > 0:24:21LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:24:23 > 0:24:24THEY GIGGLE
0:24:24 > 0:24:28Sometimes I say things. And out the other.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30You have to go to the back of the bus because if your ears
0:24:30 > 0:24:33aren't pierced, you just can't sing, you know?
0:24:33 > 0:24:36To Donegal and beyond!
0:24:40 > 0:24:42My mother had a liver transplant
0:24:42 > 0:24:45because the doctor didn't even have a watch!
0:24:45 > 0:24:47MRS CURTAIN LAUGHS
0:24:47 > 0:24:49What is wrong with you people?
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Have a brownie, Mrs Nicholson.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56I told you, no, I don't eat chocolate!
0:24:56 > 0:24:59- Where's Mammy? - I'm upstairs!
0:25:01 > 0:25:03What are you doing up there?
0:25:03 > 0:25:05I have no idea.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10Looking for popcorn, I think.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Well, come down here right now!
0:25:12 > 0:25:14OK, I'm coming!
0:25:14 > 0:25:15I'm on my way...
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Aaaaah!
0:25:20 > 0:25:23LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:25:23 > 0:25:26I've got to go and put manners on my son.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Now, now, Annette. Don't be so hard on him.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Sure, tomorrow they'll be best friends... He's a good wee boy.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34I love you, Betty!
0:25:34 > 0:25:37I love you, Annette!
0:25:46 > 0:25:49- Goodnight, Agnes. - Ah... G-g-goodnight...
0:25:52 > 0:25:54LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:25:54 > 0:25:58Goodnight, Annette Curtain! SHE SNIGGERS
0:25:58 > 0:26:01- Great night, Mrs Brown! - See you later, Father...
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Just go!
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Goodnight, Higgley! Ooh, no knickers!
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Betty, WHAT is going on?
0:26:12 > 0:26:14I need chocolate and lots of it!
0:26:18 > 0:26:21Have you thought about having a personality transplant?
0:26:21 > 0:26:23GASTON SCOFFS
0:26:23 > 0:26:25- Mammy, please... - Kitty...stop!
0:26:25 > 0:26:29It's Cathy - C-A-T-H-Y - Cathy!
0:26:29 > 0:26:31- Kitty!- Cathy!- Kitty!- Cathy! - Cathy!- Kitty!
0:26:31 > 0:26:32Huh?
0:26:36 > 0:26:40Your family is a disgrace and I will not put up with it any more!
0:26:40 > 0:26:45This woman is lower class than an olive farmer's concubine!
0:26:45 > 0:26:48- AUDIENCE:- Oo-oo-ooh!
0:26:48 > 0:26:50- Is that bad?- Yes...
0:26:50 > 0:26:54- Argh! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:00 > 0:27:03How dare you! You, you...
0:27:03 > 0:27:06camel's scrotum!
0:27:06 > 0:27:08- Gaston. - Yes, Kitty?
0:27:08 > 0:27:12- Argh! - AUDIENCE WHOOP AND CHEER
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Goodbye.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18And arrivederci! SHE LAUGHS
0:27:24 > 0:27:27Here, did you hear the joke about the bully?
0:27:27 > 0:27:31No, you didn't - cos there's nothing funny about bullying.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Being bullied isn't nice - it doesn't matter if it's in work,
0:27:35 > 0:27:39in school or in a relationship or in the social media.
0:27:40 > 0:27:41It's ugly and it hurts.
0:27:41 > 0:27:45If you even think you're being bullied, tell someone - anyone.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Doesn't matter - tell someone.
0:27:47 > 0:27:48Every day's a new day
0:27:48 > 0:27:52and you're entitled to face that day with a big smile.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54He-he!
0:27:54 > 0:27:57I used to look at Redser beside me when I'd wake up
0:27:57 > 0:28:00and I'd just piss meself laughing!
0:28:00 > 0:28:02SHE LAUGHS
0:28:02 > 0:28:03I think did it again!
0:28:07 > 0:28:11Make yourself a promise - from today,
0:28:11 > 0:28:14don't let anybody take away your smile.
0:28:14 > 0:28:15Goodnight!
0:28:15 > 0:28:17APPLAUSE
0:28:17 > 0:28:21# Say hello to the Queen of Dublin town
0:28:22 > 0:28:27# As the best mum of all she wears the crown
0:28:29 > 0:28:32# Mother hen watching all her chicks
0:28:32 > 0:28:35# A sassy old lady full of tricks
0:28:35 > 0:28:41# It's a safe bet she'd never let life get her down
0:28:41 > 0:28:44# She's Mrs Brown
0:28:44 > 0:28:47That's Mrs Brown
0:28:47 > 0:28:50# Oh, Mrs Brown. #
0:28:51 > 0:28:53AGNUS CACKLES