0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains some strong language
0:00:10 > 0:00:11SHE LAUGHS
0:00:11 > 0:00:15Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys!
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# She's Mrs Brown
0:00:18 > 0:00:21# That's Mrs Brown
0:00:21 > 0:00:23# Our Mrs Brown. #
0:00:29 > 0:00:30Hello!
0:00:30 > 0:00:33And a very happy Christmas to you.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Or, if you're Jewish, happy Hanukkah.
0:00:37 > 0:00:38Or if you're a member of a cult...
0:00:39 > 0:00:41..the end is nigh!
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Oh, look, do you like my tree this year?
0:00:46 > 0:00:48- AUDIENCE:- Whoo!
0:00:48 > 0:00:51I know it looks odd - Buster got it in a closing-down sale.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53It's electric, look.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57MOTOR WHIRS
0:00:57 > 0:00:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:01 > 0:01:03MOTOR POWERS DOWN
0:01:03 > 0:01:05It's what I dreamed of for Christmas -
0:01:05 > 0:01:07a nice tree with swinging balls.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Oh, look at this now, a dirty nappy. Ugh.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15You just missed Maria - she was here with the babies.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16She dropped in.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20HE SNIFFS
0:01:20 > 0:01:21Urgh!
0:01:21 > 0:01:23I smell shit!
0:01:23 > 0:01:24Yes, you do.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Well...
0:01:27 > 0:01:28I mean it, Grandad.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31You smell like something that lives in a pigsty.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34And you're like something that fell off the Welsh flag!
0:01:34 > 0:01:36- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:01:36 > 0:01:39SHE SIGHS He won't wash himself.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Safest place to hide something from him is under the soap.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47I've cleaned the house four times today already.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50I'm trying to keep busy, keep my mind off Rory.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:55 > 0:01:59- Hi, Agnes.- Tea, Winnie? - Oh, yes, please.
0:01:59 > 0:02:00Any news from the hospital?
0:02:00 > 0:02:03No, and it's been four hours.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05I think Rory is mad.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07I mean, he's a fine-looking fella.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09He wasn't happy with the Botox.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Yeah, but plastic surgery, Agnes - that's going too far.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14- I hope it's not too radical.- Oh...
0:02:14 > 0:02:16- Morning!- Good morning, Cathy.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19Any news? Rory should be well out of surgery by now.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Nothing yet.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22What's that banging?!
0:02:22 > 0:02:24There's no banging! Go back to sleep!
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Oh...
0:02:25 > 0:02:26What's wrong with Grandad?
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Dermot and Maria took him to a movie last night,
0:02:29 > 0:02:32some feckin' horror thing. Now he thinks the house is haunted
0:02:32 > 0:02:35by something that died and won't cross over.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37You're looking in the buckin' mirror!
0:02:37 > 0:02:38Ner...
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- Hey, Granny.- Hello, Bono.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Look at you, a little fairy.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49- I'm an elf.- Oh, excuse me.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Well, Mammy? Any news from the hospital yet?
0:02:52 > 0:02:53Nothing yet, and I'm worried.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55There's nothing to be worried about, Mammy.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Plastic surgery is nothing nowadays.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00- I know someone who died of... - MUFFLED:- ..that.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Buster!
0:03:02 > 0:03:04- Do you want a cup of tea, love? - Nah, Mammy.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08Just dropped in to give Grandad his Santa suit. Here, give it to him.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10- Our Santa's Grotto opens tomorrow. - Oh.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12I'm on my way down to record a radio ad for it.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Radio ad? Ah, you're getting very professional.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17- Are you doing it yourself?- Yep.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Well, what does the ad say?
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Drop into Finglas's own wonderland.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24See flying fairies and holly berries. Fairy dust!
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- Mirth is a must... - Hold, hold it, hold it.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31No, no, son. I'm not feeling it.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33You need to do the actions, you know?
0:03:33 > 0:03:34You know, you can't just do that.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- It's on the radio! - HE LAUGHS
0:03:36 > 0:03:38LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Drop into Finglas's own wonderland!
0:03:42 > 0:03:45See flying fairies and holly berries.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Fairy dust! Mirth is a must!
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Come be jolly among the holly.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Where's Bono?!
0:03:55 > 0:03:56Bono? He's here, Betty.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Dermot Brown, have you gone mad?
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Taking him out of school to work in your grotto?
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Whoa-whoa! Relax, Betty - I was home-schooling him.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Forget it!
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Bono, go out to the car.
0:04:08 > 0:04:09Oh...
0:04:09 > 0:04:12- AUDIENCE:- Aww.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13Any news on Rory yet?
0:04:13 > 0:04:16No, and the audience thinks you're a bitch.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18LAUGHTER
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Fine. See yous later.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Now we've no elf!
0:04:23 > 0:04:24He's just gone with the ice queen.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29I'd better go. We'll think of something, Buster.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32- My God, she can blow in and blow out.- Hi!
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Oh, Dino. Hello, son.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Well, he's out of surgery
0:04:39 > 0:04:42and the doctors said everything went very well.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Oh, mother of God, thank God.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Now, he said he did have to push the cheekbones...
0:04:48 > 0:04:50..higher than expected...
0:04:50 > 0:04:52- MUTTERING: Higher than...?- Mm-hm.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54- ..adjust the ears a bit... - What?!
0:04:55 > 0:04:56- NASALLY:- ..flatten the nose...
0:04:58 > 0:05:01NASALLY: Flatten the nose? Eh?
0:05:01 > 0:05:03LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:05 > 0:05:07..and plump up the chin.
0:05:07 > 0:05:08- Plump up the chin?- Oh!
0:05:08 > 0:05:10LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:12 > 0:05:16But, other than that, he expects a full recovery.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18- Oh, thank God.- Mm.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22Rory will be out and home tonight.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24CHEERING
0:05:24 > 0:05:25Home?
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Dino, why don't you bring Rory back here to stay for a few days?
0:05:28 > 0:05:31You know, I can keep an eye on him while you're at work.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35- Just till he gets better. - That's a good idea, Mrs Brown.
0:05:35 > 0:05:36I think it is, yes.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Right, I'm going back to the hospital.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Rory's on a liquid diet for the next 24 hours,
0:05:42 > 0:05:47and he's dying for a grande salted-caramel mocha frappuccino with a shot.
0:05:52 > 0:05:53A coffee.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- Well, buckin' say "coffee"!- Oh!
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Here, I'll go back with you, Dino -
0:06:00 > 0:06:02I can drop in and see Rory on my way to work.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Oh, Cathy, how did your computer date go last night?
0:06:04 > 0:06:06- It's tonight!- Oh.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09- I hope he's as handsome as his profile picture.- Ooh!
0:06:10 > 0:06:14- Here's Jake.- Oh, Jake?
0:06:14 > 0:06:15He is handsome.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19- My God, Cathy, you could be on to a winner there.- Maybe.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20THEY GIGGLE
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Oh, he's a looker all right, isn't he?
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Yeah, she's a looker, but, knowing her luck,
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Jake'll turn out to be a buckin' serial killer.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34- Or worse!- Yeah, married.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39We'll see.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Tea!
0:06:40 > 0:06:41I'm getting it.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Love is blind.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Well, nothing like marriage to straighten out your eyesight.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Well, as they say...
0:06:49 > 0:06:50SHE SIGHS
0:06:50 > 0:06:52- LAUGHING:- What do they say?
0:06:52 > 0:06:55LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:07:02 > 0:07:04They say... SHE WHISPERS
0:07:04 > 0:07:05Yes!
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Just relax, relax.
0:07:08 > 0:07:09We can get someone else.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Yeah, knowing her luck, Jake will turn out to be a serial killer.
0:07:17 > 0:07:18Or worse!
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Yeah, married.
0:07:20 > 0:07:21You know what they say,
0:07:21 > 0:07:25just because a horse looks good doesn't make him a banjo player.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37No, Winnie! Nobody says that!
0:07:37 > 0:07:39- Do they not?- No!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42- Here you go, Grandad.- Ah.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- God, that's an odd-looking tree. - Yes.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Buster got it for me in a closing-down sale.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Er, what was closing down?
0:07:50 > 0:07:52- He didn't say.- Oh.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53Here.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55MOTOR WHIRS
0:07:55 > 0:07:56Oh!
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Very nice!
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Get a selfie! Get a selfie!
0:08:02 > 0:08:03MOTOR POWERS DOWN
0:08:03 > 0:08:05What will they think of next?
0:08:05 > 0:08:07What's the coin slot for?
0:08:08 > 0:08:11I don't know, but Buster said, "Never put coins in the slot."
0:08:11 > 0:08:13DOORBELL RINGS
0:08:14 > 0:08:16I'll get that.
0:08:18 > 0:08:19Hello, Mrs Brown.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:22 > 0:08:25WOLF WHISTLING
0:08:25 > 0:08:26Hello, Father.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Come in, Father. Come in.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34CHEERING
0:08:36 > 0:08:37Winnie, what are you doing?
0:08:37 > 0:08:38Looking for coins.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Ah, you have to put the coins in to see what happens.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Winnie, stop it. I know it's tempting,
0:08:44 > 0:08:45but Buster said don't, so no.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48Is he here for the exorcism?
0:08:50 > 0:08:51No, he's here to rehearse your funeral.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52Oh!
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Pay no attention to him. What can I do for you, Father?
0:08:56 > 0:08:58I just popped in to see what time Trevor's flight gets in.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00- I was going to pick him up at the airport.- Six o'clock.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07You're not going to go like that, are you?
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Oh, gosh, no. I'm just on my way back from the gym.
0:09:10 > 0:09:11Dropped in, you know?
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- Working out then, Father?- Oh, yes.
0:09:14 > 0:09:15Look at those abs.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18CHEERING
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Seriously, Mrs Brown...
0:09:23 > 0:09:24..here, hit me.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26- Oh, no, Father.- Go on!
0:09:26 > 0:09:28You don't want to do that, Father. No, no.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32- No, no, go on!- Father, you don't want to do that, really. No, no.
0:09:32 > 0:09:33GO ON! HIT ME!
0:09:36 > 0:09:38APPLAUSE
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Right. Six o'clock it is, then.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48Six o'clock it is.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57- Hey, Winnie.- What are you doing, Agnes? Making soup?
0:09:57 > 0:10:00No, Winnie, I'm mixing cement for Donald Trump's wall.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02APPLAUSE
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Well, you're great at that "DYI" stuff.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Look whose home?
0:10:10 > 0:10:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Oh, Rory! You're home!
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Come in and I'll get you lying down comfortable, son.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Oh, God love you, poor Rory.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25- Now, son, let your head down there. - There we are, Rory.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27I have this, son!
0:10:27 > 0:10:28- Now...- There we go.
0:10:28 > 0:10:29I have it!
0:10:31 > 0:10:35Right, then. I'll pop back to our place and get some clothes for Rory.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37- You do that.- I'll not be long. - Oh, take your time.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Do you want your Yin-Yang cream?
0:10:41 > 0:10:44He has cream for his "Yin-Yang"?
0:10:45 > 0:10:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:48 > 0:10:49It's a conditioner.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52He puts conditioner on his "Yin-Yang"?!
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Shut up, Winnie!
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Rory, love, I'm making you some soup.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Dino said you were on a liquid diet for 24 hours.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04I'll just get you some. Winnie, come on.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09HE GROANS
0:11:11 > 0:11:14HE YAWNS
0:11:14 > 0:11:17HIS GROANING INTENSIFIES
0:11:19 > 0:11:22- HE FARTS - OH!
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Mummy! Mummy!
0:11:26 > 0:11:28I'm not your feckin' mummy!
0:11:28 > 0:11:30HE WHIMPERS
0:11:30 > 0:11:32- Winnie, keep an eye on Rory.- Right.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40- LOUDLY AND CLEARLY: - How...are...you...feeling...son?
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Win...nie!
0:11:43 > 0:11:46He...had...plastic...surgery!
0:11:46 > 0:11:48He didn't turn Chinese.
0:11:49 > 0:11:50DOORBELL RINGS
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Winnie, here, take that.
0:11:52 > 0:11:53All right.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Feckin' kids!
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Was that for me? Is it Jake?
0:12:04 > 0:12:06No, it's nobody!
0:12:07 > 0:12:08WINNIE SIGHS
0:12:08 > 0:12:10I don't think he likes it, Agnes.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Winnie, that's his eye.
0:12:14 > 0:12:15I'm sorry, son!
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Rory, I'll get you some water.
0:12:19 > 0:12:20DOORBELL
0:12:20 > 0:12:22- Winnie, get that door, will you, please?- Right.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31Feck's sake.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35It's Cathy's date, Jake.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Well, bring him in and sit him down, for God's sake.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Right.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Move the camera back.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50SHE SIGHS
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Right, I'm off.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57See you, Winnie, bye.
0:12:57 > 0:12:58Huh!
0:12:58 > 0:12:59DOOR SLAMS
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Hello, Jake. I'm Cathy's mother, Agnes.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Pleased to meet you, Mrs Brown.
0:13:04 > 0:13:05Pleased to meet you, son.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07I'll just tell her you're here.
0:13:07 > 0:13:08CATHY!
0:13:09 > 0:13:11JAKE IS HERE!
0:13:13 > 0:13:14Would you like a cup of tea, Jake?
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Yeah, yeah, thanks very much.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Cathy is so excited about the date.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21So am I.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Oh, good.
0:13:23 > 0:13:24Now, son, there you go.
0:13:24 > 0:13:25Thank you.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Er... Sugar?
0:13:28 > 0:13:29Oh, I'll get it for you.
0:13:29 > 0:13:30No, no, no, I'll get it myself.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Oh, good man.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57I'll just go and tell her that you're...you're...
0:13:58 > 0:13:59..that you've arrived.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Cathy, love, you look gorgeous.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Oh, thank you. So, what's he like?
0:14:08 > 0:14:09He...
0:14:10 > 0:14:12He, he's very...
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- Handsome? - He's very handsome.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Does he look like he does in his picture?
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Identical to his picture.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Cathy, they're...they're lovely high heels.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Would you not wear flat shoes?
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Oh, no, Mammy, I like these.
0:14:29 > 0:14:30Wear flat shoes, please.
0:14:30 > 0:14:31CATHY SIGHS
0:14:33 > 0:14:35He's not there!
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Oh, he's there, all right.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Cathy, look, please wear the flat shoes.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43- Please.- I like these, Mammy.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44MRS BROWN SIGHS
0:14:44 > 0:14:46I think I hear my date!
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Oh, you are beautiful!
0:15:00 > 0:15:03And you are...
0:15:03 > 0:15:04Jake.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06He is Jake.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Jake.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Well, I thought a movie and then maybe a drink or two in Foley's
0:15:11 > 0:15:13and then let's see what happens, eh?
0:15:13 > 0:15:16L-L-Let's see what happens!
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Sure!
0:15:21 > 0:15:23No, hang on.
0:15:23 > 0:15:28Mammy, you wanted me to do that thing tonight.
0:15:28 > 0:15:29No.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34Come on, Mammy, remember you said it was important
0:15:34 > 0:15:37that I stayed in tonight for the...thing.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Oh...
0:15:39 > 0:15:40..no.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Fine.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Goodnight, Mammy.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45Goodnight.
0:15:48 > 0:15:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:15:50 > 0:15:52He-he-he-he!
0:15:52 > 0:15:53That's nice!
0:15:57 > 0:15:59I couldn't get over the size of him.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Oh, he's a nice man.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03And good goods come in small packages.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Well, if he was dating my Sharon, I'd be worried for her.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13If he was dating your Sharon, I'd be worried for him.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Jaysus, if Sharon walked down the street with him, people would go,
0:16:16 > 0:16:17"Oh, there's Sharon McGoogan...
0:16:17 > 0:16:19"..with her lunch."
0:16:23 > 0:16:28So, when the bandages come off, are you going to look like him?
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Him?
0:16:36 > 0:16:37What about him?
0:16:37 > 0:16:38- AUDIENCE:- Whoo!
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Whoo!
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Here, Father Damien, is plastic surgery a sin?
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Er...I don't know.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50I know vanity is a sin.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Here, Trevor, look at those babies!
0:16:59 > 0:17:02You done a great job, Marko, the grotto looks brilliant.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04No probs, Dermot.
0:17:04 > 0:17:05HE CHUCKLES
0:17:07 > 0:17:08We still have no elf, though.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10It can't be that hard to get someone.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13All you need is somebody with pointy ears and an attitude.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15You busy, Betty?
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Feck off, you!
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Here, did you see the local car wash has closed down?
0:17:22 > 0:17:24God, and I thought that place was really busy.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Apparently somebody stole one of the machine's brushes.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Must have got clean away.
0:17:39 > 0:17:40- Look at them all. - SHE CHUCKLES
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Old enough to drink!
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Jesus, only seems like yesterday they were all babies.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Yeah.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50My Sharon has really blossomed.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53She'll be having sex soon.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58What time is her break?
0:18:01 > 0:18:03What can I get you, Cathy?
0:18:03 > 0:18:05A Prosecco, please.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06And what would YOU like?
0:18:10 > 0:18:12My date will have...
0:18:12 > 0:18:13A pint, please.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14Right, a pint.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16And a life jacket.
0:18:19 > 0:18:20I'm sorry about that, Jake.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Ah, don't worry, I'm used to it.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Ah, God, look at Cathy, all grown up.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27And on a little date.
0:18:27 > 0:18:28Yeah...
0:18:30 > 0:18:32..very little.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Time flies.
0:18:35 > 0:18:40I remember being pregnant, sitting there, holding me bump,
0:18:40 > 0:18:43all excited, waiting to see me little girl.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Well, you didn't know it was going to be a girl.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46I did!
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Winnie, there was no scans in our day.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51I know! But I knew by the way we... you know.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55What?
0:18:55 > 0:19:00Well, at the conception, if he's on top, it's going to be a boy.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03And if you're on top, it's going to be a girl.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Well, in that case, Cathy should be a puppy.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Does it hurt here?
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Here?
0:19:19 > 0:19:21In here?
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Well, as far as I can tell, everything seems to be healed well.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28So what now?
0:19:28 > 0:19:31- Now it's time to remove the bandages.- Oh, Jaysus!
0:19:31 > 0:19:34TENSE DRUMBEAT
0:19:41 > 0:19:43HE GASPS
0:19:43 > 0:19:47Oh! Oh, you're so...beautiful!
0:19:49 > 0:19:50Right, I'm off, then.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Is it sore, Rory?
0:19:55 > 0:19:56No, it's not too bad.
0:19:56 > 0:19:57Stunning!
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Wow.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04I'm sorry, but somebody has to say it. I don't see any difference.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Ah, no. There is a bit of change. See around here.
0:20:09 > 0:20:10That's just swelling.
0:20:10 > 0:20:11- It will go down.- Oh!
0:20:13 > 0:20:15I don't see it. Turn around, show Mammy.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21Mammy, what do you think?
0:20:23 > 0:20:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Well, what do you think, Mammy?
0:20:34 > 0:20:35Who the fuck are you?
0:20:40 > 0:20:42THEY LAUGH AND CHAT
0:20:42 > 0:20:46I just told him straight out. I said, "We just don't fit."
0:20:46 > 0:20:48But what could you do? I mean, you're so lanky.
0:20:51 > 0:20:52Lanky?! It wasn't MY height.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- It was his.- No, no. I know that. That's what I meant.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59How did he take it? Did he go mad?
0:20:59 > 0:21:02I was expecting him to be disappointed at least,
0:21:02 > 0:21:03but, no, he just smiles and says,
0:21:03 > 0:21:06"You don't know what you're missing."
0:21:08 > 0:21:11- Did he storm out?- No, he said he wanted to finish his pint.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13So I said I had to go and just left him there.
0:21:13 > 0:21:14DOOR OPENS
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Are you right, Grandad?
0:21:16 > 0:21:20- The kids are waiting for their Santa. Hiya, Mammy.- Hello, Dermot.
0:21:20 > 0:21:21Hello, Dermot.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Dermot, hello.
0:21:26 > 0:21:27Hello.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30- How are you, Rory? - Oh, for feck's sake.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35- Are you not picking up the boys? - Oh, God, yeah.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37And I have a school run to do.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39KNOCK ON DOOR
0:21:39 > 0:21:41SHE SIGHS
0:21:51 > 0:21:53KNOCK ON DOOR
0:21:53 > 0:21:54DOOR OPENS
0:21:54 > 0:21:55For God's sake.
0:21:57 > 0:21:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:01 > 0:22:04- Hello, again, Jake. - Sorry to bother you, Mrs Brown,
0:22:04 > 0:22:06but did I leave my bag here yesterday?
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Cathy, the jockey's back.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14- I left my bag here yesterday. - Oh, yeah, I saw it somewhere.
0:22:14 > 0:22:15Hang on.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21OK, Mammy. We're heading off with Grandad.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24- Everything ready for the grotto? - Just about.
0:22:28 > 0:22:29LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:22:35 > 0:22:38All we need is an elf.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Don't even fuckin' think about it, pal!
0:22:50 > 0:22:51Come on, Buster. Let's go.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Here you go. Did you come all the way back just for this?
0:22:58 > 0:23:00- Erm...- Did you get your bag, Jake?
0:23:04 > 0:23:05Yeah.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09- Sharon... - You don't know what you missed.
0:23:12 > 0:23:13Little jockey, big whip!
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Sharon McGoogan, you come back here!
0:23:21 > 0:23:24- Stop!- Argh!- What are you doing?
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Coin slot. I want to see what it does.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28You don't put anything in the slot.
0:23:28 > 0:23:29And that's not a metaphor.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Buster said no coins in the slot.
0:23:36 > 0:23:41- OK.- Rory, love, why don't you go and lie down?
0:23:41 > 0:23:45- I'll head back to work, eh?- Fine. - Bye, Mrs Brown.
0:23:45 > 0:23:46Bye, Dingo.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55- I'm going to lie down. - I'll show you where your bed is.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58I know where my bedroom is.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00- Fine.- Fine.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28WHIRRING
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Oh-ho!
0:24:36 > 0:24:40HISSING AND GURGLING
0:24:42 > 0:24:46- AUTOMATED VOICE:- Drive your car forward. Drive your car forward.
0:24:51 > 0:24:56Help! Argh! I can't reach me knob!
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Cathy! Aargh!
0:25:03 > 0:25:05- AUTOMATED VOICE:- Stop your vehicle now.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18For God's sake!
0:25:18 > 0:25:19MAMMY GIBBERS
0:25:19 > 0:25:20It's the ghost!
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Grandad!
0:25:29 > 0:25:33I usually don't mind change. I take to it well.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37I remember when my Redser died. I realised I'd be on my own.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42At the funeral the priest said to me, "This will pass.
0:25:42 > 0:25:43"You'll meet someone else."
0:25:43 > 0:25:45I said, "Yes, but what am I going to do tonight?"
0:25:50 > 0:25:53I know I should just accept Rory's change and move on.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Rory's always been a bit weird.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01There's a weirdo in every family.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03And if you're sitting there at home
0:26:03 > 0:26:05thinking, "Not mine," it's probably you.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14- Hi, Mammy.- Hello, New Rory.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17- Are you coming down to Foley's for Christmas drinks?- You go on.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19- I'll follow you down. - Are you OK, Mammy?
0:26:21 > 0:26:23- No.- What's wrong?
0:26:23 > 0:26:26It's you. You're not yourself.
0:26:26 > 0:26:27I miss my Rory.
0:26:28 > 0:26:33Look, Mammy. I may have a different face. And a different voice.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37And I'm two sizes smaller in my shoes.
0:26:39 > 0:26:40But I'm still your Rory.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44What was your favourite TV programme when you were a child?
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Ah! Blue Peter.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Why were you only ever at the zoo once?
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Cos seeing the animals in the cages, they made me cry.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53- AUDIENCE:- Ah!
0:26:54 > 0:26:56You could have guessed those feckin' answers.
0:26:58 > 0:26:59Say something.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Say something that will convince me that the
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Rory I love is in there somewhere.
0:27:06 > 0:27:07Hm.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09I love you, Mammy.
0:27:11 > 0:27:12- AUDIENCE:- Ah!
0:27:13 > 0:27:15I'll see you in Foley's.
0:27:15 > 0:27:16APPLAUSE
0:27:25 > 0:27:27That's my Rory.
0:27:27 > 0:27:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:33 > 0:27:38You know, change is a funny thing. Every spring, the clock changes.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40Every autumn, the trees change their leaves.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43And every winter, Grandad changes his underwear.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46We have a little ceremony to burn the old ones.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52I suppose the main thing is that Rory is whomever he wants to be.
0:27:52 > 0:27:57And that takes confidence. And confidence is very important.
0:27:59 > 0:28:00He gets that from his mother.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04I'll see you at Foley's.
0:28:04 > 0:28:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:09 > 0:28:10SONG: Mistletoe And Wine
0:28:10 > 0:28:15# The child is a king The carollers sing
0:28:15 > 0:28:20# The old has passed There's a new beginning
0:28:20 > 0:28:25# Dreams of Santa Dreams of snow
0:28:26 > 0:28:31# Fingers numb Faces aglow
0:28:31 > 0:28:36# It's Christmas time Mistletoe and wine
0:28:37 > 0:28:42# Children singing Christian rhymes
0:28:42 > 0:28:48# With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree
0:28:48 > 0:28:52# A time to rejoice in the good that we see
0:28:53 > 0:28:58# A time for giving A time for getting
0:28:58 > 0:29:03# A time for forgiving and for forgetting
0:29:03 > 0:29:09# Christmas is love Christmas is peace
0:29:09 > 0:29:14# A time for hating and fighting to cease
0:29:14 > 0:29:19# Christmas time Mistletoe and wine
0:29:19 > 0:29:24# Children singing Christian rhymes
0:29:24 > 0:29:30# With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree
0:29:30 > 0:29:34# A time to rejoice in the good that we see
0:29:36 > 0:29:41# With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree
0:29:41 > 0:29:47# A time to rejoice in the good that we see. #
0:29:48 > 0:29:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:29:57 > 0:29:58- Merry Christmas!- Happy Christmas!