0:00:01 > 0:00:04This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
0:00:11 > 0:00:15Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys!
0:00:15 > 0:00:19# She's Mrs Brown
0:00:19 > 0:00:22# That's Mrs Brown
0:00:22 > 0:00:25# Oh, Mrs Brown. #
0:00:25 > 0:00:28It's going to be a very fancy wedding, Dermot.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31I know. I wish they'd picked somewhere else. It's too fancy.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Here, Auntie Mary and Tommy the sprinter's coming.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37We'd better make sure this place has a disabled entrance.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39He has only one leg.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41It's the Ritz Crown Hotel, Mammy.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43It has everything.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Annie Gibney is coming. She's an alcoholic.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48We'd better make sure it has a disabled exit as well.
0:00:48 > 0:00:52Your Uncle Gonzo rang.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55He wanted to know what "morning wear" was.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59I told him just to come in his pyjamas.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04That's what I mean, too fancy. A seven course meal, Mammy.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06It'll be nice, Dermot.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Mammy, there are people dying of starvation in the world.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Fine, what's their names? I'll put them on the list.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16Just forget it. Mrs Nicholson needs to know how many are coming
0:01:16 > 0:01:18from our side by the end of the day.
0:01:18 > 0:01:19Well, with Cathy and Mick...
0:01:19 > 0:01:23- Mick's not coming. He has to work. - He can get off for a wedding.
0:01:23 > 0:01:24He's not coming. End of discussion.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28Well, with Cathy dumped, that means... 43.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Oh, are you bringing a girl to the wedding, Rory?
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Well, I was going to invite Dino from work.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38Oh, lovely! You'll probably both be bringing girls.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40I'll put it down as 46!
0:01:40 > 0:01:42- Well. Mammy...- Not now, Rory.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46- Right, Mammy, will you ring Maria's mother and let her know today? - I will.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49That way, I can go to the stag party with me head clear.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53And we can go to the hen party with our head clear.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54How are you, Winnie?
0:01:54 > 0:01:56- Cup of tea, love?- Ah, no, love.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59I'm heading down to hospital to visit Jacko.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- And I'm bringing him home this week. - Again?
0:02:02 > 0:02:05- Well, Dermot, are you all set for the big day?- More or less.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Fancy hotel and all, eh?
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Your father would be very proud of you. Lord rest him.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12Yeah, whatever.
0:02:12 > 0:02:17- I'll never forget what my father said to me the first time I went to prison.- What did he say?
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Hello, son.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Come on, you. Let's pick up the suits. I have to get to work.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Hang on, Dermot, I'll take a lift with you.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30- Mammy?- Yes, love?- If you get a chance, can I have a chat with you?
0:02:30 > 0:02:31You can have a chat now if you like.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34No. Later, just you and me.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36All right, love. See you later.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Mammy, you should give the hen party a miss.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41It's going to be all, you know, young people.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Cathy, you're only as young as you feel, and me and Winnie
0:02:47 > 0:02:49feel like two cocker spaniels in heat.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50Woof, woof!
0:02:53 > 0:02:56OK, you are not invited.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59You're too old for hen parties, so you're not invited.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Are you happy now you got me to say it?
0:03:02 > 0:03:05It's a hen party for young people.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09It's embarrassing watching old women pretending to be teenagers!
0:03:09 > 0:03:11You leave Winnie alone!
0:03:11 > 0:03:13KNOCK AT THE DOOR
0:03:13 > 0:03:16There's Grandad banging down again.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Is there anybody down there?
0:03:18 > 0:03:19Mammy?
0:03:19 > 0:03:22No!
0:03:22 > 0:03:26- Who's that, then? - Polly the fuckin' parrot.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29- Now, go to sleep. - Me hot water bottle is leaking.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33- What did he say? - His hot water bottle is leaking.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35He doesn't have a hot water bottle, Mammy!
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Cathy, go up and see what he wants, will you?
0:03:41 > 0:03:43I'll get our clean sheets.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Never mind clean sheets, get a fookin' lifeboat.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49That's the first time, you know.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52First time I've been told that I'm too old for something.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55The cheek of her!
0:03:55 > 0:03:58I think it's all right to pretend to be a teenager,
0:03:58 > 0:04:00or anything else you want to be.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02- He's grand.- Not yet, Winnie.- Jesus!
0:04:05 > 0:04:09I mean, after all, God knows you're an adult for long enough.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12I think you should stay as young as you can for as long as you can.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17OK, Winnie.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23He's grand. Cathy sorted him out.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25We're going to that hen party.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Agnes, you heard what Cathy said.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- We're not invited. - Cathy is not the boss of us.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34Now, listen, we have to find out where it is,
0:04:34 > 0:04:36and we're going to crash it.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39I'll show them how to party!
0:04:57 > 0:04:59I thought they were extinct.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04We're home, Mammy.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Hello, Cathy. Hello, Betty.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Well, you two have been busy.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12I'm exhausted, but it was worth it.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15- I got me dress for the wedding.- Oh, give us a look at it. Where's Maria?
0:05:15 > 0:05:16At home at her mother's.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19- We just came from there. We had tea on the patio.- Patio?
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Excuse me!
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Rory and Dino were there, going over the hairstyles for the big day.
0:05:24 > 0:05:25- That's nice.- Da-da!
0:05:27 > 0:05:31Is Ann Summers selling off their old stock?
0:05:31 > 0:05:34No, Mammy, it's me dress for the wedding! What do you think?
0:05:34 > 0:05:35It's very feckin'...
0:05:35 > 0:05:38what's the word I'm looking for?
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- Classy.- Red!
0:05:41 > 0:05:42It's supposed to be red.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Is it supposed to be slapper red?
0:05:45 > 0:05:47- Ah, Mammy!- Let me look at it again.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50I didn't really see it.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Turn around. Not you, the feckin' dress!
0:05:56 > 0:06:00- I suppose it will be fine. - I better put it away upstairs.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Do, Cathy, and hide it.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05I'm telling you, if word gets out that that's here,
0:06:05 > 0:06:08we'll be broken into. By the fashion police.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11I'll see you tomorrow night, Betty - for the hen party!
0:06:11 > 0:06:14- Right, Cathy.- Are you looking forward to the hen party, Betty?
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- Aye, it should be great craic. - It should be great craic!
0:06:17 > 0:06:20I haven't been to that place in years. What do you call it?
0:06:20 > 0:06:21The hairdresser's?
0:06:23 > 0:06:27- Very funny!- Cathy says you're barred from the hen party, so you may give up.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Nobody's going to tell you where it is.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Fine, but if you're really her friend, you won't let her
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- go to the wedding in that feckin' dress!- Why not? It's lovely.
0:06:35 > 0:06:40Lovely? She puts that on, you're only waiting for her to go "ten dollar, me love you long time!"
0:06:43 > 0:06:48- No, she won't. You're just out of touch with fashion.- I know fashion, love.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51I love that coat on you, and I have done for the last five years.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55Every time I see it, I think "I must put the black bags out tonight".
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Good luck! Hiya, boys.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01- Hiya, Betty.- Here's the groom!
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Hello, son.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Don't even feckin' think about it.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Cathy and Betty were just down in Maria's house.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Tea on the patio.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15They said it's a nice house.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17When you walk into the hall,
0:07:17 > 0:07:20on the ceiling there's a big...what do ya call it?
0:07:20 > 0:07:22A night vision camera?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Crystal chandelier!
0:07:24 > 0:07:28And to get to the patio, you go through the dining room.
0:07:28 > 0:07:33- Past the motion sensors. - Exactly! How do you know?
0:07:33 > 0:07:36- It must be a big house.- Big enough.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39And they have two toilets. One upstairs and one downstairs.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Two toilets? For what?
0:07:42 > 0:07:44What do they do, get up in the morning and go
0:07:44 > 0:07:46"Oh, where will I shit today?"
0:07:49 > 0:07:51They only have the one arse.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Mind you, a toilet downstairs, eh?
0:07:56 > 0:07:59I'd say it'd be feckin' handy.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00- Here you go, love.- Thanks, Ma.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05- What's this? - A wedding present from Buster.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06Oh, nice.
0:08:09 > 0:08:14A VDV player? How can you afford things like that, Buster?
0:08:14 > 0:08:18- I know a fella who does them cheap. - Why does he cut the plug off?
0:08:18 > 0:08:19Right, well, I'm off.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23- I'll see you tomorrow for the stag party.- See you, Buster.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Oh!
0:08:28 > 0:08:29The cheek of him!
0:08:29 > 0:08:33- Dermot, just cos she has a big house, doesn't make it a home.- True.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35And I'd say that's her, you know.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36Big house, no home.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Yeah, fur coat, no knickers!
0:08:39 > 0:08:43- She's like a prostitute on her night off.- What?
0:08:43 > 0:08:46All dressed up and no-one to blow!
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Is that funny, Dermot?
0:08:53 > 0:08:56- Yeah, Ma.- I don't feckin' get it.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00I read that in one of your magazines.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Dermot, what's a blow job?
0:09:04 > 0:09:0620 quid, Ma.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11I thought 20 quid was a score?
0:09:13 > 0:09:16They change the feckin' language every day now.
0:09:16 > 0:09:21Dermot, where are yous having the stag party? In Foley's, I suppose?
0:09:21 > 0:09:23No. We're not going near Foley's.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Mark said Betty is meeting Cathy and Barbara there for the hen party,
0:09:26 > 0:09:28and we don't want to bump into them.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34The hen party is in Foley's!
0:09:43 > 0:09:45That's perfect! Perfect!
0:09:46 > 0:09:50- How long does it take you to fit it, Mr O'Connor?- Usually, we're in and out in a day.- A day?
0:09:50 > 0:09:53- Could you do it tomorrow? - Oh, no. I'm far too busy.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56I'll make it worth your while. I'll give you an extra blow job.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Where do you want it fitted?
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Here! Here!
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Oh, wait, there's a chip gone out of this.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11- Somebody must have shit a brick.- Are you sure?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14- I'm positive!- But look, you won't be able to, like...
0:10:14 > 0:10:18You worry about the fittin'. I'll worry about the shittin'!
0:10:22 > 0:10:25I'll see you tomorrrow, Mr O'Connell. And if there's anybody that'll
0:10:25 > 0:10:26help you fit it, bring them along.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29There's a blow job in it for them as well.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35- Thanks, Barbara! - Aye, cheers, Barbara!
0:10:39 > 0:10:40Ah, for Christ's sake!
0:10:45 > 0:10:47You all set for the party, girls?
0:10:47 > 0:10:51For God's sake, Mrs McGoogan, you were told that yous weren't invited!
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Well, we're here now, so live with it.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58Jesus, I don't know half the people here. Where's Maria?
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Winnie, this is not the hen party.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03The hen party is in a nightclub.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04So what's all this, then?
0:11:04 > 0:11:07It's the funeral party for Mr Murphy.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Oh, good God, no!
0:11:10 > 0:11:12# Sex bomb, sex bomb
0:11:12 > 0:11:13# You're my sex bomb
0:11:13 > 0:11:15# You can really do it
0:11:15 > 0:11:16# when I want to come along
0:11:16 > 0:11:18# Sex bomb, sex bomb
0:11:18 > 0:11:19# you're my sex bomb
0:11:19 > 0:11:22# You can really turn me on
0:11:23 > 0:11:26# You can really turn me on! #
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Agnes, this is Paddy Murphy's funeral!
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Lovely man. I always liked him.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Winnie, come on!
0:11:43 > 0:11:47No, no. No, that's an awful feckin' smell. Smell, smell!
0:11:47 > 0:11:50It's gas, missus! You have a leak.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53It's only slight, but I'd have it checked out all the same.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Here, give yer man a shout. He'll sort you out.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58I will, Mr O'Connell. Thanks very much for coming over.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00- No problem.- Oh, hold on.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02I nearly forgot. Your blow job!
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Ah, no. No, thanks. Good luck!
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Suit yourself.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Mammy?
0:12:11 > 0:12:15- Yes, love?- Would now be a good time to have a chat with you?
0:12:15 > 0:12:19Well, go up and get dressed, and I'll talk to you before you go to work.
0:12:21 > 0:12:22Ah, now, here's Venus and Serena.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24- Morning, Mammy.- Good morning, son.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26- Morning, Mammy. - Don't "good morning, Mammy" me,
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Buster Brady. The carry on of you in this house last night.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32- How dare you bring a woman back to this house?- A woman?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34- I got a chick last night.- A chick?
0:12:34 > 0:12:36She was in my class in school!
0:12:39 > 0:12:42I nearly died when I came down and saw her sitting there.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44"Hello, Agnes."
0:12:44 > 0:12:46"Hello, teacher".
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Do you want breakfast?
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Just a cup of tea, Mammy.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02- Are you in there?- Yes!
0:13:02 > 0:13:05Mammy, you need to know.
0:13:05 > 0:13:06I'm gay.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09I love Dino, and I want the world to know.
0:13:12 > 0:13:13Are you upset?
0:13:13 > 0:13:15RETCHING
0:13:17 > 0:13:22Oh, Mammy, I knew you'd take it hard, but please try to think of my happiness.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24RETCHING
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Oh, Mammy!
0:13:27 > 0:13:29How can I be happy?
0:13:29 > 0:13:30Please try to think of me!
0:13:30 > 0:13:34- Well, you can get off the feckin' floor for starters!- Aaaagh!- Aaaah!
0:13:38 > 0:13:41What is wrong with you?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Mammy, I need to come out of the closet!
0:13:43 > 0:13:48You'll have to wait until Buster's finished to go in first!
0:13:48 > 0:13:49Rory!
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Rory, are you all right?
0:13:52 > 0:13:55- What's wrong with him? - Diarrhoea, I think.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Look at the head on you. You had some to drink last night.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Look who's talking! You were as bad yourself.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06I was, wasn't I!
0:14:06 > 0:14:10- Here, I left me dick in the taxi. - Oh, no!
0:14:10 > 0:14:15There's a taxi going round Dublin somewhere now with two pricks in it!
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Are you ringing her to cancel?
0:14:19 > 0:14:25- What?- You invited Mrs Nicholson here to dinner on Friday night.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Sweet lovin' St. Jude!
0:14:28 > 0:14:33- What's wrong with Mammy?- She only invited your future mother-in-law to dinner here Friday night.- No way!
0:14:33 > 0:14:36- Way!- What am I going to give her to eat, Dermot?
0:14:36 > 0:14:39- You know better her than anyone. What does she like to eat?- I dunno.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41You can see her face, can't you?
0:14:41 > 0:14:44When I go "I feel like chicken tonight".
0:14:46 > 0:14:49And her expecting something fancy like tadpole's arseholes.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55- Oh, what am I going to do? - I'll cook!
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Rory. I love you dearly son,
0:14:58 > 0:15:02but you're the only man I know who can burn boiled eggs!
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Mammy, I'll get Dino from work to help me.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08- Dino from Wash and Blow?- Dino was a chef before he was a stylist.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10- A chef!- He's a Cordon Bleu!
0:15:10 > 0:15:12I couldn't give a shite what colour he is,
0:15:12 > 0:15:15as long as he can feckin' cook. We're getting a chef.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18we're getting a feckin' chef!
0:15:18 > 0:15:20The last time I had a chef in this house he put...
0:15:23 > 0:15:25It's none of your feckin' business!
0:15:35 > 0:15:36Mammy, go easy on the drink!
0:15:38 > 0:15:42I'm waiting for an hour for her to ask me where the toilet is so I can show off me new toilet.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46She's too posh to piss!
0:15:50 > 0:15:54- All right Hillary?- Well, actually. I think I can smell gas.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56No. that's just him.
0:15:58 > 0:15:59How's your drink, Hillary?
0:15:59 > 0:16:03- It tastes like cider.- It is. Bulmers.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07- I asked for champagne? - Well, you can fuck off!
0:16:10 > 0:16:14I'll just check with the lads how the starters are coming.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Do you need to go anywhere?
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Oh, no. no. thank you. I'm fine.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29- Almost ready, Mrs B!- Has she asked to use the toilet yet?- No.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37I do wish you wouldn't stare at me.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- I'll use it, Mrs B.- What, Dino?
0:16:44 > 0:16:46The toilet. I'll use it.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Ah, no, Dino I need her to get...
0:16:50 > 0:16:52You're right. it's a great idea.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56All you need to do is ask me where it is!
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Just give me a second then come in.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Nearly ready. The boys are just finishing the Horses Doovers.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17- Excuse me, Mrs Brown.- Yes, Dino?
0:17:17 > 0:17:21- Where is the toilet? - Oh. the toilet? Well,
0:17:21 > 0:17:23you could take your pick of the two.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26The one upstairs or the on...
0:17:29 > 0:17:31the on sweety over there.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Oh, that's handy.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Yes, it is handy. Yes, it is.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38- I'll use that one. - Whichever you like! Two.
0:17:41 > 0:17:42Psst!
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Excuse me a second.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50- What?- Mrs Brown, I'm too big!
0:17:50 > 0:17:54Oh, If I had a pound for every man that said that.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Watch me. Just watch.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Mammy! What's wrong?
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Dino is wearing suspenders!
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Oh, Rory.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45I think he's a trans-testicle.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Mammy, there's something I have to tell you.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52- Not now love. Just serve the meal. - But, Mammy...- I'm in shock, love!
0:18:52 > 0:18:53Just serve the feckin' meal!
0:18:59 > 0:19:01I hope you flushed that!
0:19:01 > 0:19:03We're ready now. if you'd like to shit up.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- Thank you, love.- Oh, this looks interesting. What is it?
0:19:14 > 0:19:16It's called soup.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Oh, wait. wait. It's cold.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Mine is cold.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Hers is fuckin' cold!
0:19:26 > 0:19:29It's cold, Rory!
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Mammy. it's gazpacho. It's supposed to be cold.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36Oh, don't be feckin' ridiculous. Cold soup?!
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Take it back and tell Dino to heat it up.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Don't mind. Just take it back and heat it up. Heat it up, Rory.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47I so sorry.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53I say, Agnes. Um. what's for main course?
0:19:53 > 0:19:54Salmon.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59- Oh, my favourite.- Oh, good, cos we're getting a whole tin each.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06I say Hillary.
0:20:06 > 0:20:11- Hillary, I believe your house was broken into?- Yes, it was.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Oh, how furking awful.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Did the bisterds get anything?
0:20:15 > 0:20:20- Sorry?- The bisterds what done the broking inning,
0:20:20 > 0:20:23did they get anything?
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Yes. yes. They got the forking DVD.
0:20:31 > 0:20:32DVD?
0:20:33 > 0:20:37The forking DVD?. Ours is a Phillips.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44They're probably all the same you know. they're probably all German.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47They just put a different name on them.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50You can do anything with words, that's what my husband used to say.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54He was great with words.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56If the children were listening he'd spell them.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58You know, he'd say,
0:20:58 > 0:21:01"Agnes do you want to go up S. T. I. A. R. S... "
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Ah! How nice!
0:21:03 > 0:21:06"..for a fuck?"
0:21:13 > 0:21:15It's hard...
0:21:15 > 0:21:22It's hard to think that there were five people living har.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Har?!
0:21:24 > 0:21:26What's fuckin' har?
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Well. yes. Heeyer in the house.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Heeyer in the hayse?!
0:21:33 > 0:21:35HERE in the HOUSE!
0:21:39 > 0:21:41How do your teeth not fuckin' fly out?
0:21:43 > 0:21:46No, Hillary. You'd never take this five heeyer...
0:21:47 > 0:21:49And you wouldn' know why yee be.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53They could be anywah.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Even in fuckin' cupboards.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Excuse me a moment, please.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14- Rory, I can't take this any more! - Mammy, what's wrong?
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Grandad is in the cupboard havin' a shit!
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Rory, we need a plan.
0:22:20 > 0:22:25You get Grandad out of the cupboard and put him into the toilet.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27- I'll stop her from looking.- Right.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29- Dino.- Yes?- You stay fuckin' here.
0:22:35 > 0:22:36You can fuck off!
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Is everything all right?
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Yes, everything is beautiful, yes.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Do you like to sing?
0:22:46 > 0:22:48- To sing?! - # Oh, when the saints
0:22:48 > 0:22:50# Go marching in. #
0:22:50 > 0:22:51SING! SING!
0:22:51 > 0:22:53# Oh, when the saints go marching in. #
0:22:53 > 0:22:54Rory, the fag. Get the fag.
0:22:54 > 0:22:55# I want to be. #
0:22:55 > 0:22:58You called, Mrs Brown?
0:22:58 > 0:23:01# Oh, when the saints go marching in
0:23:01 > 0:23:03# Oh, when the saints
0:23:03 > 0:23:04# Go marching in. #
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Hey, hey, hey! We're finished all right.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12- DOORBELL RINGS - Just drink. Rory, get the door.
0:23:12 > 0:23:13Have a drink!
0:23:13 > 0:23:16- No. no. actually I've... Oh! - Have a fucking drink.
0:23:20 > 0:23:21Mrs Brown.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24- Father Quinn! - Mrs Murphy is dreadfully upset about
0:23:24 > 0:23:27your cabaret performance at her husband's funeral!
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Cabaret at a funeral?!
0:23:29 > 0:23:30No, it was a mistake.
0:23:30 > 0:23:35- It was a hen party. We were having a hen party.- A hen party at a funeral!
0:23:35 > 0:23:38No, no. It was a mistake! Oh, it was a mistake? Yes.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40The long boots and the fishnet stockings?
0:23:40 > 0:23:45- Fishnet stockings at a funeral?! - Will you shut the fuck up!
0:23:45 > 0:23:49- Mrs Brown! - Mrs Murphy, it was a mistake!
0:23:49 > 0:23:53Look, if your husband had lived another day, there'd be no problem.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57Mrs Brown, Rory has something important he needs to tell you.
0:23:57 > 0:24:01- Dino, I'm sure it's important. Not now.- She is very upset, Mrs Brown.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Well, I just apologised Father.
0:24:03 > 0:24:04What do you want? The burning at the stake?
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Mrs Brown, it really is important.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13- Do I have your attention?- Yes!
0:24:13 > 0:24:14I am in the middle of a crisis.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18I'm sure what you want to talk about is important, but not NOW!
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Look Father, I never meant to upset her.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Well, I'm sure you'll think of some way
0:24:25 > 0:24:29- to make things up to Mrs Murphy. - I will, Father.- Right.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Mrs Brown...
0:24:32 > 0:24:35More drink, Hillary?
0:24:35 > 0:24:36Have a drink!
0:24:36 > 0:24:39- Mammy, how could you? - He slipped, Rory.- Dino come back!
0:24:39 > 0:24:41He slipped. You're a witness.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45He feckin' slipped! Rory. Rory Brown get back! He's gone out in that feckin' apron.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47People will think he's a sissy!
0:24:49 > 0:24:52That's all I need.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Here's Maria.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57- Hello. Hi, Mum.- Get me out of here!
0:24:57 > 0:24:59This is a mad house!
0:25:00 > 0:25:04Maria, darling, why wouldn't you listen to me?
0:25:04 > 0:25:07You cannot make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10Come, Maria, we are going home.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Maria!
0:25:12 > 0:25:16Mother, I am marrying Dermot Brown.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18I will be Maria Brown.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20I AM home!
0:25:20 > 0:25:22But these people are riff-raff!
0:25:23 > 0:25:26- Oh, Mother!- Maria.
0:25:26 > 0:25:31Riff raff? The reason why you wouldn't recognise this, missus,
0:25:31 > 0:25:33is because this is a family.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Something you would know nothin' about.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38And that girl is your daughter, she's not some dog in a bloody dog show!
0:25:46 > 0:25:51Good girl, Betty. You took the words right outta me feckin' mouth.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55And as for you, you 50 pence pole dancer.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58- Is that the very best you can do?- No.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00I feel sorry for the fuckin' pole.
0:26:02 > 0:26:06I'll have you know we are the most respectable family on this street.
0:26:23 > 0:26:30- Grandad's gone!- I'm up here!
0:26:34 > 0:26:38Yes. Yes, I know. Grandad? Oh, he's grand.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40Just a small headache.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47I just wanted to say thanks, Betty, for last night.
0:26:47 > 0:26:48I was very proud of you.
0:26:48 > 0:26:52All right, love. Bye.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55That was Betty.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59So, Jacko didn't come home?
0:26:59 > 0:27:02No. He's got a broken collar bone and his hip is out.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05- More feckin' surgery. - You must feel awful.
0:27:05 > 0:27:06I blame the hospital, Agnes.
0:27:06 > 0:27:10It was them that insisted I push him in a wheelchair.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13I don't think they meant you to use the escalator.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17Now I'll have to go to Dermot and Maria's wedding on me own.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19No, you won't. you'll be with me.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21See you later, Agnes.
0:27:23 > 0:27:24What a week.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29Jacko in a heap at the bottom of the escalator.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Mrs Murphy upset by my little
0:27:33 > 0:27:35kiss-o-gram at her husband's funeral
0:27:37 > 0:27:39and Grandad shit a nuclear bomb.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45Isn't life a feckin' rollercoaster?
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Goodnight!
0:27:47 > 0:27:49# Say hello
0:27:52 > 0:27:55# To the queen of Dublin Town
0:27:55 > 0:27:56# As the best
0:27:56 > 0:28:00# mum of all she wears the crown
0:28:00 > 0:28:04# Mother Hen watching all her chicks
0:28:04 > 0:28:07# Sassy old lady full of tricks
0:28:07 > 0:28:13# It's a safe bet she'd never let life get her down
0:28:13 > 0:28:16# She' Mrs Brown
0:28:16 > 0:28:18# That's Mrs Brown
0:28:18 > 0:28:20# Oh, Mrs Brown.