0:00:02 > 0:00:10This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:10 > 0:00:11Ha-ha-ha!
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Ladies and gentlemen...
0:00:13 > 0:00:15welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# She's Mrs Brown
0:00:18 > 0:00:21# That's Mrs Brown
0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Oh, Mrs Brown. #
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Hello! Ha-ha-ha!
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Well, it's my son Dermot and Maria's wedding this week...
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Everybody's so excited.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39Cathy is worried about fitting into that dress so she's going to her aerobics.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Yeah, aero... that's a made-up name.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46I think the gym owners said, "We'd better call it something fancy,
0:00:46 > 0:00:49"cos they won't pay if we just call it feckin' jumping up and down."
0:00:49 > 0:00:53LAUGHTER
0:00:53 > 0:00:54Ow!
0:00:54 > 0:00:58Sorry...a bit distracted, it's not just the wedding,
0:00:58 > 0:01:00it's Dermot's reaction to it.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Dermot doesn't take stress well.
0:01:02 > 0:01:07When his father died, he went into the wardrobe in his bedroom and didn't come out for two weeks!
0:01:07 > 0:01:08Hiya, Mammy.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Hello, son. Would you like a cup of tea?
0:01:11 > 0:01:12Yeah, Mammy.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18- A penny for your thoughts, love.- Just thinking about me getting married!
0:01:18 > 0:01:19Do you see what I mean?
0:01:21 > 0:01:26My God, it's hard to believe you'll soon have children of your own to worry about.
0:01:27 > 0:01:31And after the way you treated me, I hope they break your feckin' heart!
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Do you remember being pregnant on me?
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Ha-ha. Do I remember?
0:01:35 > 0:01:37I'll never forget it, son.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Me arse was as wide as the arrivals gate in Dublin Airport!
0:01:40 > 0:01:42LAUGHTER
0:01:42 > 0:01:47- What were you hoping I'd be? - Your father's! LAUGHTER
0:01:47 > 0:01:48Seriously?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Don't be a feckin' idiot, of course not!
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Your arrival was a big event in my life. I'll never forget it...
0:01:53 > 0:01:5512 pounds, 8 ounces you were.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58They couldn't even get you with the forceps.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01At one point I thought they were going for a tow truck and a rope!
0:02:03 > 0:02:0422 stitches I had.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09I could walk down both sides of Grafton Street at the same time.
0:02:09 > 0:02:10LAUGHTER
0:02:10 > 0:02:13I'll never forget it.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15- A beautiful, sunny Tuesday!- Saturday!
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Saturday! Saturday, yeah!
0:02:17 > 0:02:18In July.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20- September.- September, yeah!
0:02:20 > 0:02:24Which feckin' one are you? LAUGHTER
0:02:24 > 0:02:28- No, it was lovely and the nurses in Galway were so nice. - I thought I was born in Dublin.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32No, Galway. It would have been Dublin only your father wanted to stay for the last race!
0:02:32 > 0:02:35I don't think I'm ready to be a parent.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38For feck's sake, son, none of us are!
0:02:38 > 0:02:39Any parent will tell you.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43You're an amateur parent with an amateur child,
0:02:43 > 0:02:45and just when you have the job right...
0:02:47 > 0:02:49..they marry someone and leave.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Yeah, well...
0:02:51 > 0:02:55Mammy, don't worry, I'll never be far away.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Don't you feckin' threaten me, son!
0:02:57 > 0:03:01LAUGHTER
0:03:01 > 0:03:04- Good morning!- Morning, Rory! - Morning, Mammy!- Hello, love!
0:03:04 > 0:03:05Dermot, getting nervous yet?
0:03:05 > 0:03:07- Stop, stop it!- Leave me alone!
0:03:07 > 0:03:12Rory, have you and Dino decided which girls you're going to be bringing to the wedding?
0:03:14 > 0:03:18Er, no. Listen, I have to dash. I'll see you later. Bye-bye!
0:03:19 > 0:03:20He's in a feckin' hurry!
0:03:20 > 0:03:23- Mammy, Rory's not bringing a girl to the wedding.- Why not?
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Mammy, what if I turn out like me dad?
0:03:25 > 0:03:28You and Rory need to talk. He's not into women.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31- What are you saying?- I said, "What if I turn out like me dad?"
0:03:31 > 0:03:32No, not you, love, Cathy.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34I heard what you said! You won't.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Rory is...a friend of Dorothy's.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40LAUGHTER
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Can't he bring Dorothy to the wedding, then? LAUGHTER
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Wouldn't that be all right?
0:03:45 > 0:03:48I have to go. Mammy, we'll talk later.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50What if I become an alcoholic?
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Your father wasn't an alcoholic.
0:03:53 > 0:03:54We couldn't afford that.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58He was a drunk!
0:03:58 > 0:04:01LAUGHTER
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Yeah, I know what you mean, yes.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Well, marriage is not just all about sex. Now that's what I say.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Yes... Oh, you're so right!
0:04:13 > 0:04:16Oh, listen, I remember when one night himself...
0:04:16 > 0:04:21oh, he went...he went from one o'clock in the morning till quarter past two!
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Yeah. No, well, it was the night that the clocks went forward!
0:04:24 > 0:04:27LAUGHTER
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- Mammy, for God's sake! - Oh, hold on. What, Cathy?
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Just order the pizza!
0:04:32 > 0:04:35LAUGHTER
0:04:37 > 0:04:38So that's a...
0:04:38 > 0:04:43a deep pan Hawaiian, a pepperoni and a side order of garlic bread.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45All right, thank you!
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Mammy, sit down for a second.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54What, Cathy?
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Look at this.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58I want you to take a little time to read this.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00What is it?
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Homosexuality And Me.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06I want you to read it, Mammy.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10I want you to look around you for signs and then we'll have a talk.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Signs? What kind of signs?
0:05:12 > 0:05:13Read it...and then we'll talk.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16I wish you'd tell me what this is all about.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21LAUGHTER
0:05:21 > 0:05:22G'day, g'day!
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Hello, son!
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Oh, do you smell wedding cake?
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- I smell wedding cake! Do you smell wedding cake?- Don't, Mammy.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33Maria standing there in a beautiful white gown, think about that!
0:05:33 > 0:05:34Stop, Ma, not now!
0:05:34 > 0:05:36I'm only getting excited.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40I'd love to be a feckin' kangaroo.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44I'd have had 12 children if I could have matured them in me handbag!
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- Do you want a cup of tea, love? - No, thanks, Ma.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53I'm fine, it's just...
0:05:53 > 0:05:55everything's happening so fast.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56I feel...
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Doesn't matter. Never mind.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03I can't believe your boss made you hop around the week you're getting married!
0:06:03 > 0:06:06He didn't ask me, I wanted to.
0:06:06 > 0:06:07I'm going for me bath.
0:06:07 > 0:06:12Make sure to wash your Joey! SHE LAUGHS
0:06:12 > 0:06:16Dermot! Can I just say something?
0:06:16 > 0:06:17SHE CLICKS LIKE SKIPPY
0:06:19 > 0:06:21I'm off, Mammy!
0:06:21 > 0:06:22I'll see you, love.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25- And, Mammy, read the book!- I will.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30How are you, Mrs Brown? Is Dermot here?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Dermot!
0:06:33 > 0:06:35There's a gobshite down here looking for you!
0:06:35 > 0:06:37LAUGHTER
0:06:37 > 0:06:38And me!
0:06:38 > 0:06:42LAUGHTER
0:06:42 > 0:06:44So how's your speech coming along?
0:06:44 > 0:06:47I'm still trying to pronounce me haitches more.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Your best man's speech for the wedding!
0:06:54 > 0:06:57The best man's speech is the highlight of the reception!
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Really?!
0:06:58 > 0:07:01You didn't know you'd to make a speech at the wedding?!
0:07:01 > 0:07:02No.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07- I suppose I'll just make something up on the day.- No, you won't!
0:07:08 > 0:07:12Jacko was our best man and he did that and loads of crap came out.
0:07:12 > 0:07:17- You will not. You'll write a speech before the wedding and you'll run it past me first. Are we clear?- Yeah!
0:07:17 > 0:07:21I'd die if Dermot's marriage was a repeat of my own.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23That man feckin' ruined our wedding!
0:07:31 > 0:07:32Right, Mrs Brown...
0:07:32 > 0:07:35will you tell Dermot to follow me down to Foley's?
0:07:35 > 0:07:37I've some thinking to do.
0:07:37 > 0:07:38Yes, you have.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47LAUGHTER
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Holy God!
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Cathy's a lesbian.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58LAUGHTER
0:07:58 > 0:07:59What?!
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Cathy.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04It explains a lot. She's a lesbian!
0:08:04 > 0:08:06But what about Mick the boyfriend?
0:08:06 > 0:08:07He must be a lesbian, too!
0:08:10 > 0:08:11Mick is a homo?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Winnie, the book says you can't say that.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15It's not politically correct.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17What do you say, then?
0:08:17 > 0:08:18I don't know. Queer, I think.
0:08:20 > 0:08:21Right so!
0:08:21 > 0:08:25Now goodnight, folks. Come on. You got no homes to go to?
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Agnes, what does the book say is the signs of being a lesbian?
0:08:30 > 0:08:34"There will be a noticeable absence of men in her life."
0:08:34 > 0:08:37That's very vague, Agnes.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Sure, your husband's dead and my Jacko's always in hospital!
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Jesus, that's true!
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Well, here...
0:08:44 > 0:08:47"The closest person to her will be another woman
0:08:47 > 0:08:52"and it will become apparent that she feels she cannot be without that woman."
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Again, Agnes, that could be anyone.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Sure, that could be me or you!
0:09:06 > 0:09:08What does the book say...
0:09:09 > 0:09:12..lesbians do together?
0:09:12 > 0:09:13Does it mention bingo?
0:09:27 > 0:09:29- We'd better move.- Yeah!
0:09:31 > 0:09:37I'm going to go home, ring Jacko at the hospital, and have phone sex.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39LAUGHTER
0:09:39 > 0:09:41He'll be asleep, for God's sake!
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Well, I'll leave a message then.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45LAUGHTER
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Listen, I'm going to pay Mr Foley for the drink he's leaving at the house.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51- Right.- You go on ahead. - Goodnight then, love.- Goodnight.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53- Goodnight, love.- Yeah.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01- Mr Foley.- Hello.- That's the stuff we need and there's a few bob.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05Two dozen lager, two dozen stout, case of wine, assorted spirits...
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- half a dozen Babycham?- Rory!- Oh...
0:10:08 > 0:10:10- I'll tot it up!- Thanks very much.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14- What about this?- Jesus Christ!
0:10:16 > 0:10:18You were that close to death!
0:10:19 > 0:10:23Ahem. "What is the story, everybody?"
0:10:23 > 0:10:25No, no... that's,
0:10:25 > 0:10:27"Ladies and gentleman and Reverend Father..."
0:10:29 > 0:10:31- It's his best man's speech.- Oh!
0:10:31 > 0:10:34"Ladies and gentlemen and Reverend Father...
0:10:35 > 0:10:38"..the first time me and Dermot went shoplifting..."
0:10:38 > 0:10:39Scratch that!
0:10:39 > 0:10:42LAUGHTER
0:10:42 > 0:10:43My Dermot never went shoplifting!
0:10:43 > 0:10:46He did!
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Of course he didn't...
0:10:50 > 0:10:52What about this?
0:10:53 > 0:10:57- "Me and Dermot met in a private school..."- Yeah, that's nice!
0:10:57 > 0:11:00- "..recommended by a judge." - LAUGHTER
0:11:00 > 0:11:05- NO!- It's funny but, isn't it? - No! It's not funny!
0:11:05 > 0:11:07What did Dermot think of this effort?
0:11:07 > 0:11:09He didn't come down to Foley's.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11I tried to call him but his phone's turned off.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Good luck!
0:11:13 > 0:11:16It doesn't take two and a half hours to have a bath.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Maybe he went out to Maria's.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21- Thanks very much, Mr Foley. - There you go.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Huh, kids. What are you going to do, hey?
0:11:24 > 0:11:27- Hey. Well, with our Nicole we're really lucky.- Ah, that's nice.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31No, no, she's good as gold... I'll tell you now, hey, Josh and Oliver...
0:11:31 > 0:11:35Mr Foley... Agnes fuckin' bored now. Goodnight!
0:11:38 > 0:11:40KNOCKING
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Is there anything I can do? Anything that will cheer you up?
0:11:43 > 0:11:45No! Just leave me alone, Mammy!
0:11:45 > 0:11:48- You don't have to get married! - I want to!- Then what's wrong?
0:11:48 > 0:11:50I just need to think.
0:11:50 > 0:11:55That's what you said when your father died. You didn't come out for two feckin' weeks!
0:11:55 > 0:11:57And we don't have two weeks, Dermot.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Hiya, Mammy!
0:12:01 > 0:12:02Dermot's in the cupboard again!
0:12:04 > 0:12:05KNOCKING
0:12:05 > 0:12:07- Hiya, Dermot!- Hiya, Cathy.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09- Do you want tea?- No, thanks.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- Do you want tea, Mammy?- Yes, I've made some. It's on the table.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17You're breaking your mother's heart!
0:12:18 > 0:12:22LAUGHTER
0:12:27 > 0:12:29KNOCK ON DOOR
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Dermot?
0:12:32 > 0:12:35The man is here about the wedding video!
0:12:35 > 0:12:38LAUGHTER
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Mammy, did you read the book?
0:12:40 > 0:12:43- Yes.- Well?- Is it you?
0:12:43 > 0:12:45What?! No. For God's sake, Mammy!
0:12:45 > 0:12:50Well, I've been looking for signs but everywhere I look, I see signs!
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Listen...
0:12:52 > 0:12:56"Many people will have a homosexual experience while in prison."
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Dermot was in prison.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Is that why he's in the cupboard? So he can...
0:13:01 > 0:13:04"Come out"?
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Mammy! No, it's not Dermot.
0:13:07 > 0:13:08Well, now,
0:13:08 > 0:13:15"The homosexual will try on many occasions to give the family hints or signs."
0:13:15 > 0:13:18You gave me the book. Are you sure it's not you?
0:13:18 > 0:13:21No! If it was me, I'd tell you!
0:13:21 > 0:13:23There you are. It's not you or Dermot,
0:13:23 > 0:13:26- I know it's not Mark, and Trevor's celibate.- Which only leaves?
0:13:28 > 0:13:30It's me!
0:13:30 > 0:13:31LAUGHTER
0:13:31 > 0:13:32Waaah!
0:13:33 > 0:13:38- No, it's not you, Mammy! For God's sake.- Thank Jesus!
0:13:38 > 0:13:39Think about who you left out.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43- Rory?!- Exactly.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Don't be ridiculous. If it was Rory, he'd have tried to tell me.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Hiya, Agnes, love.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Sit down, Winnie. I want to tell you something.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Jesus, Agnes. What's wrong?
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Rory is homosexual.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07I know, but what's wrong?
0:14:07 > 0:14:09LAUGHTER
0:14:09 > 0:14:11What do you mean, you feckin' know?!
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Agnes, everyone knows!
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Why didn't you say that in the pub?
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Cos I thought you were looking for lesbians!
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Feckin' idiot.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24"Even the police who arrested us love Dermot..."
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Get out! Out!
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Here, Do you want me to do anything for the wedding, pet?
0:14:30 > 0:14:32- No, no, we're all set. - It'll be a great day, Agnes!- Yeah.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Even though you are losing Dermot.
0:14:36 > 0:14:37Another one gone, what?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Look, I should go.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44I have to get across to the hospital with them clothes for Jacko.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47- He's coming out for the wedding! - Of course he is.
0:14:47 > 0:14:48Everything's free!
0:14:50 > 0:14:53You know, I have to get two buses across to that hospital.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56- Two buses over and two buses back? Four buses?- Yeah!
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Twice a day? Eight buses.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Seven days a week, fifty six buses!
0:15:01 > 0:15:04- Yeah!- If the man had any decency, he'd fuckin' die!
0:15:04 > 0:15:06- Agnes! - LAUGHTER
0:15:06 > 0:15:08I'm only joking!
0:15:10 > 0:15:13It's not a bypass he needs, it's a bus pass!
0:15:13 > 0:15:15LAUGHTER
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Well, thank God he's coming home tomorrow!
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Yes. I'll tell the bus company,
0:15:20 > 0:15:22they can let some staff go!
0:15:27 > 0:15:30So, Father...
0:15:30 > 0:15:31busy?
0:15:31 > 0:15:32Well, er...
0:15:32 > 0:15:34No, not too bad.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37- This time of year tends to be quiet.- Oh! DOORBELL RINGS
0:15:37 > 0:15:39It's open!
0:15:40 > 0:15:42I'm so sorry I'm late, Mrs Brown...
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Oh, hello, Father Quinn.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- Where's Dermot? - Yes, Mrs Brown, where IS Dermot?
0:15:48 > 0:15:50He's in the cupboard!
0:15:50 > 0:15:54- The cupboard?- Are you OK, Dermot?
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Yes, love!
0:15:56 > 0:15:57Right, then...
0:15:58 > 0:16:01- let's begin. - But the groom is in the cupboard.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04How can we have a pre-marriage talk with him in there?
0:16:04 > 0:16:06- Did you hear that, Dermot?- Yes!
0:16:06 > 0:16:08He can hear you, Father. Go ahead!
0:16:08 > 0:16:09Well...
0:16:11 > 0:16:13You two, having declared your intention to marry,
0:16:13 > 0:16:17will be asked on the wedding day to make certain vows,
0:16:17 > 0:16:22now, not just to each other but to the Lord Almighty himself. Now, do you understand this?
0:16:22 > 0:16:24- Yes.- What vows?
0:16:24 > 0:16:28Well, to bring your children up as strong and Christian soldiers.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Are we expecting a war, Father? LAUGHTER
0:16:31 > 0:16:35And you know the church's stance on contraception and divorce?
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Yes, and you need to cop on.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43Look, Father, if you don't play the game, don't make the feckin' rules!
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Mrs Brown!
0:16:47 > 0:16:50Father, marriages aren't made in heaven, they're made here in Finglas,
0:16:50 > 0:16:52or in Birmingham, or Liverpool, or New York.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54And it's tough.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58You fight with each other, you love each other
0:16:58 > 0:17:02- and sometimes you'll feckin' hate each other.- But with God's help...
0:17:02 > 0:17:03Ah, "With God's help..."
0:17:03 > 0:17:06God'll help you stay sane, the rest is up to you!
0:17:06 > 0:17:08It's about respect and learning to love!
0:17:08 > 0:17:12Yes, and children! Learning to love your children, no matter what.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Whether they go to prison, or lock themselves in a feckin' cupboard,
0:17:15 > 0:17:18or even if they're homosexual. Am I right, Father?
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- Well, er...homosexual is a bit... - LAUGHTER
0:17:21 > 0:17:24And if you get it right, and I think these two have got it right...
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Oh, Maria,
0:17:26 > 0:17:29you can be happy. Happier than you ever thought possible.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33There's your pre-marriage chat, Maria...
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Do you have anything to add to that, Father?
0:17:37 > 0:17:38No.
0:17:40 > 0:17:41- Not a thing.- Thank you, Father.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Goodnight and God bless you.
0:17:48 > 0:17:53- KNOCKING - Goodnight, Dermot.- Father, you're talking to the ironing board now.
0:17:53 > 0:17:54LAUGHTER
0:17:54 > 0:17:57- KNOCKING - Goodnight, Dermot.
0:17:57 > 0:17:58Goodnight, Father.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Rory...
0:18:08 > 0:18:10I want to talk to you... about your illness.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12LAUGHTER
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- Mammy, it's not an illness! - Well, it's not normal!
0:18:15 > 0:18:16Mammy!
0:18:17 > 0:18:18Fine.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Rory...
0:18:20 > 0:18:22what I'm trying to say is...
0:18:22 > 0:18:27you are what you are. Whatever you are, I will always be your mother.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30And I want you to know that it doesn't matter how far we are apart,
0:18:30 > 0:18:34or long we are apart, I will always be here waiting...
0:18:34 > 0:18:35with a loving heart.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38- Awww!- It's nice, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:18:38 > 0:18:39I read it on a card!
0:18:39 > 0:18:42LAUGHTER
0:18:42 > 0:18:44May you rest in peace.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46LAUGHTER
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Mammy!
0:18:48 > 0:18:49Sorry.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Rory, what I am trying to say is...
0:18:53 > 0:18:58have you ever considered that you might be...homosexual?
0:18:59 > 0:19:03Now, I know this comes as a bit of a shock.
0:19:03 > 0:19:08And you probably want to think about it, but here's a book. Here!
0:19:08 > 0:19:10That'll explain everything,
0:19:10 > 0:19:14except why Cathy hasn't got a boyfriend even though she's not lesbian or gay.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Mammy!
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Sorry.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Thanks, Mammy.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Oh, you're hurting Mammy now!
0:19:29 > 0:19:32OK, erm...
0:19:32 > 0:19:34- I'd better go and...read. - Do, love.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Well, Mammy, I thought you handled that very well.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43It wasn't easy, it was difficult.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47I hope Rory never has to have that talk with any of his own children.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49LAUGHTER
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Dermot, love...
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- your wedding suit is here. - I don't care!
0:20:01 > 0:20:04You should go up and have a bath for the big day tomorrow.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06No. Go away.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Cathy, what are we going to do?
0:20:11 > 0:20:15The wedding's tomorrow and we won't all fit in that fuckin' cupboard!
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Mrs Brown, I think I have it this time...
0:20:19 > 0:20:23Lovely. Leave it on the table, Buster. I'll read it later.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25God, Buster, you look exhausted!
0:20:25 > 0:20:28I am, Cathy, I haven't slept for two days.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31Well, you want to sleep tonight. We need you fresh tomorrow!
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Don't worry.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37- Hold on, Buster.- Yeah?- Read this to Mammy and see what she thinks.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40- Leave it there. I'll read it later. - No, Mammy. Listen now. Sit down.
0:20:40 > 0:20:41Here, Buster...
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Read!
0:20:48 > 0:20:49HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:20:49 > 0:20:52"Ladies and gentlemen and the Reverend Father."
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Yeah, very well done, well done.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58"Can you believe that Dermot Brown is married?
0:20:58 > 0:21:00"And to such a beautiful girl."
0:21:02 > 0:21:03From there.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08But you're skipping me joke about the camel, the nun and the coconut!
0:21:08 > 0:21:12We'll live... read!
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Let's hope the camel does.
0:21:14 > 0:21:19"I don't know why Dermo picked me to be his best friend...
0:21:19 > 0:21:22"but I'm really glad he did.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26"All I ever wanted to be when I grew up was Dermot Brown.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32"He's the one who makes you laugh
0:21:32 > 0:21:33"even when you're in prison."
0:21:35 > 0:21:37I'll take that out.
0:21:40 > 0:21:47"I don't know why, but someone, somewhere looked down on me and thought...
0:21:47 > 0:21:50"'that eejit needs a guardian angel'...
0:21:54 > 0:21:56"..and they sent Dermot Brown."
0:21:59 > 0:22:01I'm going up for me bath!
0:22:04 > 0:22:06So, what do you want changed?
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Nothing. I think it's absolutely perfect, Buster.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Oh, yes!
0:22:16 > 0:22:20HE SNORES
0:22:20 > 0:22:22LAUGHTER
0:22:26 > 0:22:30So, Winnie, Jacko's blind now, is he?
0:22:30 > 0:22:31It was his own fault, Agnes.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34He was dying for a cigarette as soon as he got out of that hospital!
0:22:34 > 0:22:37If only he'd taken off the oxygen mask!
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Yeah.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42LAUGHTER
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Whooooo! Wah-hey!
0:22:45 > 0:22:48God, I'd nearly go straight myself!
0:22:48 > 0:22:51- Really?!- No!
0:22:51 > 0:22:54Not even Father Quinn will be safe today!
0:22:54 > 0:22:55Shag off!
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Well, well, Cathy.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03You look different!
0:23:03 > 0:23:07- So what do you think, Mammy?- I think you've never looked more beautiful.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Mammy, that's the suit from Marcelle's window.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15- Isn't it beautiful?- You couldn't afford that. Where did you get it?
0:23:15 > 0:23:19It was a surprise, I came out of the shower and someone left it on the bed for me!
0:23:22 > 0:23:24LAUGHTER
0:23:26 > 0:23:28LAUGHTER
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Grandad, you can't go like that!
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Ma, Grandad's stripped again!
0:23:33 > 0:23:37Oh, for God's sake, Cathy. I thought I told you to dress him!
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Yeah, Mammy, twice already. He keeps taking off the suit!
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Well, go back up and put it on him.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45And staple the feckin' thing to him if you have to!
0:23:47 > 0:23:50Well, at least he's wearing more than Cathy!
0:23:50 > 0:23:54Careful, Winnie, you'll end up having a meal through a tube beside Jacko.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59"Ladies and gentlemen and the Reverend Father..."
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Yeah! We've heard it before. Get out!
0:24:03 > 0:24:04Here, Agnes...
0:24:04 > 0:24:06remember the excitement the morning of my wedding?
0:24:06 > 0:24:09I do. Sure, mine was the same!
0:24:09 > 0:24:12I remember standing on the altar and the priest looked at me and he said,
0:24:12 > 0:24:14"Agnes, do you take...
0:24:14 > 0:24:18"this...to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
0:24:18 > 0:24:24And I remember, I looked into Jacko's eyes and I whispered, "I do".
0:24:24 > 0:24:28I remember, I looked into Redser's eyes and I said,
0:24:28 > 0:24:30"I'll see."
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Here, you had that Father...
0:24:34 > 0:24:36- Oh, what was his name?- Oh, erm...
0:24:36 > 0:24:39- Father McCrum! - Right, Agnes, McCrum.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41And in his deep voice, he said,
0:24:41 > 0:24:44- "I now pronounce you man and wife!" - Yes...
0:24:44 > 0:24:46- and then me waters broke!- Yeah!
0:24:46 > 0:24:49LAUGHTER
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Well, someone's having a good time!
0:24:52 > 0:24:54- Hello!- Hiya! - We were just over at Maria's...
0:24:54 > 0:24:58- She looks stunning!- Does she? - And her hair's only fabulous!
0:24:58 > 0:24:59Of course!
0:24:59 > 0:25:02OK, everybody.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04It's the big moment.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07Ladies and gentlemen... Dermot Brown!
0:25:07 > 0:25:10THEY CHEER
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Oh, my God, Dermot...
0:25:15 > 0:25:17- you look amazing!- Thanks, Mammy!
0:25:17 > 0:25:20It only feels like yesterday I was bathing you...
0:25:20 > 0:25:22It was yesterday!
0:25:22 > 0:25:25LAUGHTER
0:25:25 > 0:25:26Dermot, son...
0:25:26 > 0:25:29I've never told you that I'm proud of you.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34Right. LAUGHTER
0:25:34 > 0:25:38Let's get down to the church and get this thing feckin' started!
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Get the flowers! Get the flowers!
0:25:41 > 0:25:43I'll get the feckin' flowers!
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Well, that's that then...
0:25:50 > 0:25:53Another one gone. Huh!
0:25:55 > 0:25:59It's always difficult for a mother when another one leaves the nest.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01But that's our job, you know,
0:26:01 > 0:26:05to get them ready to go out into the mad, mad world on their own.
0:26:07 > 0:26:12It'll be strange to look into Dermot's bedroom and just see an empty bed...
0:26:12 > 0:26:15and a stack of dirty magazines! LAUGHTER
0:26:15 > 0:26:16- Mammy!- Dermot?
0:26:16 > 0:26:20Is there any chance Maria and me can stay here for a while,
0:26:20 > 0:26:22just until we get a place of our own?
0:26:22 > 0:26:26Of course. You and Maria can stay here for as long as you like. As long as you feckin' like!
0:26:26 > 0:26:30Thanks, Ma. That's a load off me mind.
0:26:30 > 0:26:31It's a load off my mind!
0:26:31 > 0:26:34DOOR SHUTS
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Will I ever get feckin' rid of them?
0:26:38 > 0:26:40I'll see you, goodbye!
0:26:41 > 0:26:43APPLAUSE
0:26:43 > 0:26:44# Say hello
0:26:44 > 0:26:48# To the queen of Dublin Town
0:26:48 > 0:26:50# As the best
0:26:50 > 0:26:55# Mum of all she wears the crown
0:26:55 > 0:26:58# A mother hen watching all her chicks
0:26:58 > 0:27:01# Sassy old lady full of tricks
0:27:01 > 0:27:07# It's a safe bet she'd never let life get her down
0:27:07 > 0:27:10# Say hello
0:27:10 > 0:27:14# To the queen of Dublin Town
0:27:14 > 0:27:15# As the best
0:27:15 > 0:27:20# Mum of all she wears the crown
0:27:20 > 0:27:22# A mother hen watching all her chicks
0:27:22 > 0:27:26# Sassy old lady full of tricks
0:27:26 > 0:27:32# It's a safe bet she'd never let life get her down
0:27:32 > 0:27:34- # She's Mrs Brown- Agnes
0:27:34 > 0:27:37- # That's Mrs Brown- Agnes
0:27:37 > 0:27:40- # That's Mrs Brown- Agnes... #
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk