0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains strong language
0:00:11 > 0:00:15Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys!
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# She's Mrs Brown
0:00:18 > 0:00:21# That's Mrs Brown
0:00:21 > 0:00:23# Our Mrs Brown. #
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Come along, Granddad. Hello?
0:00:36 > 0:00:38All right, Granddad, you take your time now.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Are you too warm?
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Yes.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Right then, let's get this jacket and jumper off.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Ah, that's better!
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Na!
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Morning Mrs Brown.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Good morning, Lord.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Are you all right?
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Just struggling a bit!
0:01:58 > 0:02:06Lift your left arm. A bit more. That's it. Now lean forward.
0:02:09 > 0:02:10Now the other arm.
0:02:13 > 0:02:14Lean forward a bit more.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23Did you want something, Lord?
0:02:23 > 0:02:26No, just bringing Granddad home.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Well, it's about fecking time.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31I mean, the Lord's will be done.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33I'll be with YOU in a minute!
0:02:35 > 0:02:37But I-I've barely lived.
0:02:39 > 0:02:40Show a shred of human decency!
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Mammy?
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Don't interrupt the fecking picture!
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Please, please, let me stay a little longer.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Please. Please!
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Hello, Father Quinn.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Hello, Cathy.
0:02:57 > 0:02:58Shit!
0:02:58 > 0:03:00There's shit on the floor! Shit!
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Let me get that, Father.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Come on, Granddad, let's get you upstairs for a nap.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13I'm just dropping Granddad back from the funeral.
0:03:13 > 0:03:14Why? What did he do?
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Granddad? Well, he didn't do anything.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19I was passing here anyway so I just thought I'd drop him off.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Ah right, well you probably haven't time for a cuppa.
0:03:22 > 0:03:23No, thank you.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26No, I've got this!
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Father Quinn! Drinking during the day? Are you all right?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31No, Mrs Brown, I am not all right!
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Father, I didn't say sit down.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36I just buried Mr Jones this morning.
0:03:36 > 0:03:40I promised him heaven but what if there is no heaven?
0:03:40 > 0:03:42He's just buried?
0:03:42 > 0:03:45I wouldn't worry about him coming back to complain, Father!
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Mrs Brown, I'm losing my faith.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50You're about to lose your fecking hand now if you don't let go!
0:03:51 > 0:03:55I'm sorry, Mrs Brown. I'm just afraid.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56Soon I won't have a flock!
0:03:56 > 0:04:01I don't think you're allowed, Father. I think it's against the rules.
0:04:01 > 0:04:02Mrs Brown, have they called here? Have they?
0:04:02 > 0:04:03Who? Have who called?
0:04:03 > 0:04:06The Missionaries, from the Church of Latter Day Saints.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Nobody's called here, Father.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12You know, they have converted four families in the last six months.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Well, wait a minute, Father, these missionaries,
0:04:15 > 0:04:17- do they believe in God?- Well, Yes.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Well, then what's the problem?
0:04:19 > 0:04:22We're all on the same bus, who gives a shite who the driver is?
0:04:22 > 0:04:24I give a shite!
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Father, you watch your fucking language in this house!
0:04:29 > 0:04:33Now, Father, look, what you need to do, you need to get into your car
0:04:33 > 0:04:35and drive home!
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Father, these things are sent to test us.
0:04:37 > 0:04:38- Do you think so?- Oh, yes!
0:04:38 > 0:04:42Come on. Now look, Father, what you need to do is,
0:04:42 > 0:04:45well, just keep the faith.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46The faith! The faith!
0:04:46 > 0:04:47Yes, the faith.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50But, just in case, drive carefully.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Father, would you not be better in the front seat?
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Well, my God, what do you make of that?
0:05:07 > 0:05:09I suppose it's hard for religion nowadays.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13The older generations are dying off
0:05:13 > 0:05:17and the youngsters just don't seem to have any fecking interest.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24It's hard for God to compete with, you know,
0:05:24 > 0:05:26fecking World Of Warcraft!
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Would anybody hear God's message nowadays
0:05:31 > 0:05:33unless he sends it by fecking text!
0:05:38 > 0:05:41It was Father Quinn who helped my son, Trevor, when he wanted
0:05:41 > 0:05:42to go away on the missions.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44He's in Africa now.
0:05:44 > 0:05:45Oh, the Chinese love him!
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Father Quinn looked awful!
0:05:50 > 0:05:52He thinks he's losing his faith.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54I think he's losing his booking marbles!
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Knob fell off,
0:06:04 > 0:06:06just like me husband!
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Hiya, Mammy!
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Jesus, you're not talking as well!
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Oh, hello, love, do you want a cup of tea?
0:06:17 > 0:06:18Yes, please! What's up?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20CRASHING
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Ken's after knocking the fucking wall down again.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34Oh, the fecking washing machine's clapped out!
0:06:34 > 0:06:36I'll have to get Mark down to look at it.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39All Granddad's clothes are stuck in it.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Granddad, you'll have to wait!
0:06:40 > 0:06:43No, not there.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Come on, up to your room and play with your yo-yo.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49He lost the string, it's only a YO now!
0:06:50 > 0:06:53I won't be home later, Mammy. I'm meeting Mick.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Oh, Mick has been around longer than any other boyfriend, Cathy.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58You like him, don't you? You like him a lot!
0:06:58 > 0:07:02- Could be the one!- A Brown dating a policeman! Who'd have thought?
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Good for you!
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Is there tea going?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Ah, here's the newlyweds!
0:07:09 > 0:07:11- Do you want tea? - No, I'm late for work.
0:07:14 > 0:07:15Goodbye, chicken!
0:07:17 > 0:07:19You look like you could have stayed in bed a bit longer.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Yeah, restless night!
0:07:23 > 0:07:26I'll head off. I'll get a coffee in town.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27See yous!
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Now, love.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Winnie must be happy with Jacko coming home from the hospital.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35I'll believe it when I see it.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38He's definitely coming home today. I saw it on the discharge order.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40We'll see. Are you all right, Maria?
0:07:41 > 0:07:43I'm fine.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Are you still upset about last night?
0:07:45 > 0:07:46Last night?
0:07:46 > 0:07:50I heard you and Dermot arguing. I wasn't listening on purpose, just it was so warm, I thought
0:07:50 > 0:07:52I'd sleep on the landing.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57I worry about you, that's all. I just worry.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- Look, we have to get our own place. - I know, I heard.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04But Dermot won't even come and look at flats with me
0:08:04 > 0:08:06and we can't stay here forever!
0:08:06 > 0:08:07You don't hear me complaining.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11I know, Mrs Brown, but a place of our own!
0:08:11 > 0:08:12I know, love.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16There's barely enough room for the four of you, never mind us.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Agnes, love. Oh, Jesus phone an ambulance, pet!
0:08:19 > 0:08:20What's wrong, Winnie?
0:08:20 > 0:08:23I was getting Jacko out of the taxi from the hospital
0:08:23 > 0:08:26and Father Quinn's after driving over him!
0:08:26 > 0:08:27Jesus!
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Winnie! Winnie!
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Get you lads a drink?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Eh, no thank you, officer!
0:08:55 > 0:08:57They must have something on.
0:08:57 > 0:08:58I hope not!
0:09:00 > 0:09:02SHE BURPS
0:09:02 > 0:09:03Excuse me, Winnie.
0:09:04 > 0:09:05A broken leg.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08How many times has Jacko broke his leg?
0:09:10 > 0:09:11Eight.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13- But the other one was only five.- Oh!
0:09:14 > 0:09:17A broken leg and a few bruises. I suppose he was lucky!
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Well, that's how I always think of him. Lucky Jacko(!)
0:09:25 > 0:09:29- Father Quinn didn't come out of it well.- No?
0:09:29 > 0:09:30No, he's in a bad way, Winnie.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32He's losing his faith!
0:09:32 > 0:09:34- Where did he lose his faith? - I don't know.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38- He was talking about not having a flock. I was embarrassed.- Oh, yeah!
0:09:38 > 0:09:41I didn't ask any questions. Mr Foley!
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Thank you.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47He's worried about missionaries pushing another religion there.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50Ah! What he needs is a miracle!
0:09:50 > 0:09:52- Maybe you're right.- Yeah!
0:09:52 > 0:09:54- Why don't you do a miracle?- What?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Get up and pay for that booking round.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Ah, very funny(!)
0:10:08 > 0:10:11I have to get that washing machine fixed!
0:10:12 > 0:10:14- Ah, good girl, Winnie! - There you go, Pet!
0:10:14 > 0:10:17I hope you got me fresh ice now, not that fecking frozen stuff!
0:10:18 > 0:10:20That's all they had, Agnes!
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Ah, feck off, Agnes!
0:10:22 > 0:10:25I swear to God, Winnie, you'd swallow an anchor!
0:10:25 > 0:10:29Do you know, we could get Father Quinn to Lourdes
0:10:29 > 0:10:32- and hope for a miracle! - I've seen a miracle in Lourdes once.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36- Did you?- There was a man in a wheelchair.- Yeah.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Then they pushed him into the water
0:10:38 > 0:10:41and suddenly all the lights got brighter, all the candles flickered.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43You could feel a chill
0:10:43 > 0:10:45and then they pushed him out the other side.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47- And he got up and walked?- No.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49But the wheelchair had two new tyres!
0:10:53 > 0:10:55It's a doddle, Dermot.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57The house is empty and they have a warehouse.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00I could do with some money to get us a place.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03But I promised Maria that I'd never burgle a house again.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Fair enough, we'll just do the warehouse.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11OK, I'll take a look. Now, no promises. Just a look!
0:11:11 > 0:11:12Ah, brilliant!
0:11:12 > 0:11:18You've a marvellous pair of hands, son. Gifted, gifted like Jockey Wilson!
0:11:18 > 0:11:22Yeah, Ma, listen. I don't think I'll get this fixed today.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Ah, you're fecking useless!
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Switch off the power, Ma, for a minute.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Power going off!
0:11:28 > 0:11:30OK, Mammy!
0:11:30 > 0:11:31KNOCKING
0:11:31 > 0:11:34- What do you want, Granddad? - Has the power gone off?
0:11:34 > 0:11:35No, you've gone blind!
0:11:37 > 0:11:39- They have a top-of-the-range security system.- What kind?
0:11:39 > 0:11:42- The Mercury infra-red scan! - No bother.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45Just give me a mirror and a bit of Blu-Tack and that's done!
0:11:45 > 0:11:47And they have cameras, five of them,
0:11:47 > 0:11:49- two of them night vision. - Power coming back on!
0:11:53 > 0:11:55And we can silence the alarms.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58We can silence the bell with a bit of putty.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03So then Tom Cruise comes out of the roof with a bit of rope
0:12:03 > 0:12:07and a torch in his mouth and he sets off all the alarms.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11HE HUMS MISSION IMPOSSIBLE TUNE
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Ah, Dermo, it's a brilliant movie, you have to get it on DVD!
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Hello, Cathy! Hello, officer!
0:12:19 > 0:12:20Right, listen. I'm off!
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Do you fancy a drink, Dermo?
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Hello, son.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37- Granddad? You still awake?- Yeah!
0:12:38 > 0:12:40- Were you at George Mumford's funeral?- Yeah!
0:12:40 > 0:12:42- Good craic afterwards?- Yeah!
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- Were they all saying what a nice man he was?- Yeah!
0:12:45 > 0:12:47- He must have been a good soul, so. - He was a shit!
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Some of us are trying to sleep up here.
0:12:51 > 0:12:56Why don't yous get together and come up and scream in me fecking ear!
0:12:56 > 0:12:59What are yous doing up at this hour of the night?
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Talking, Ma, just talking.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04I sat up till after midnight waiting for that thing
0:13:04 > 0:13:06to start on the fecking telly.
0:13:06 > 0:13:07Grand Prix.
0:13:11 > 0:13:12Wasted my time.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16It was all about fecking racing cars!
0:13:17 > 0:13:22Granddad was just telling me how everyone was saying nice things
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- about George Mumford at the wake. - That's nice.- You hated him.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Ah, he was a shit, nobody liked him!
0:13:27 > 0:13:32- Ah, but still!- Still what? Yous all make me sick!- Do we?
0:13:32 > 0:13:35And what nice things will people say about me at my funeral?
0:13:35 > 0:13:36Yes, if they both turn up!
0:13:38 > 0:13:40And I won't be around to hear them say it!
0:13:40 > 0:13:44That's the way it goes, Granddad Once you die, you go deaf!
0:13:44 > 0:13:46A man should be allowed to attend his own funeral.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49That's a great one. I think that'll catch on(!)
0:13:51 > 0:13:52He could, you know.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56Of course he could! I do forget we're related to fecking Lazarus!
0:13:57 > 0:14:01How would a man do that now, be at his own funeral, explain that to me!
0:14:01 > 0:14:04We could just tell everyone he's dead, have a pretend funeral,
0:14:04 > 0:14:06let Granddad hear what's being said.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09- A pretend funeral?- What's going on? - You're just in time.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Welcome to the Twilight Zone! Wait till you hear this.
0:14:12 > 0:14:17Come on, Brains Trust, tell them your big plan. Come on, Alfred Pitchfork!
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Granddad wants to hear all the nice things said about him at his funeral.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25At his OWN funeral now! His own fecking funeral!
0:14:25 > 0:14:30So I suggested we have a pretend funeral, and let Granddad, you know, hear them!
0:14:30 > 0:14:31That might work!
0:14:33 > 0:14:36That could be great fun. I could be real sad.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Am I the only sane person in this fecking house?
0:14:45 > 0:14:49A pretend funeral! I haven't been in mourning since your father died.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Everyone said I looked lovely in that black dress.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54- I still have it.- Have you, Mammy?
0:14:54 > 0:14:58Oh, yes. You know, in case of, erm...
0:14:58 > 0:14:59a special occasion.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05- No, no, we'd never get away with it. - We would, Ma!
0:15:05 > 0:15:08I know a couple of lads, undertakers. They'd lend me a coffin.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10We could lay him out in the house.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14- I could do his hair and make-up like in funeral parlours. - Father Quinn could say prayers.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18That might be the last thing he does as a priest!
0:15:18 > 0:15:23And we could all have a flower to drop on the coffin as it's going down the hole.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27- Easy, Ma! We're not going that far. - Fecking spoilsport!
0:15:30 > 0:15:34We could always say nothing and just cremate him?
0:15:35 > 0:15:37He'll think he was in Torremolinos!
0:15:39 > 0:15:43When? When will we do it? No, not Monday - bingo.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Not Wednesday - pilates.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- Not Thursday - my training course. - It can't be Tuesday.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51Are yous all too busy to let me die?
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Shut up, you, and wait your fecking turn!
0:15:54 > 0:15:56You wouldn't die last month when I asked you to.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00Hold on, nobody mentioned Friday. How's Friday?
0:16:00 > 0:16:03If we do this, we don't tell anybody, only family.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07And certainly not Winnie. You know what she's fecking like!
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Oh, wait now, we'd better ask the corpse.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Granddad, how would you like to die on Friday?
0:16:13 > 0:16:17- Friday is grand! - Friday it is, then!
0:16:25 > 0:16:30Dermot! Dermot, you watch your time - you don't want to be late for work!
0:16:30 > 0:16:32OK, Mammy. Just getting my costume.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36DOOR BELL RINGS
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- Mammy, that might be the lads with the coffin.- Oh, right!
0:16:42 > 0:16:43Hello, ma'am!
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Come in, come in. Come in, quick! Don't let anybody see you!
0:16:47 > 0:16:48Thank you, ma'am.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54- I've been expecting you!- Excellent.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57We are here to shine a light on the path to God,
0:16:57 > 0:17:00and, may I just say, we are delighted with such a welcome.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Ah, that's very nice. Have you got it with you now?
0:17:07 > 0:17:09I'm sorry, have we got what?
0:17:09 > 0:17:11The coffin - is it out in the big black car?
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- Uh, we walked here.- You walked?!
0:17:14 > 0:17:16You didn't carry it up the fecking road?!
0:17:16 > 0:17:19It's supposed to be a surprise!
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Ma'am, we may be confusing you.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26- I'm Elder Bush and this here is Elder Peach.- Howdy, ma'am!
0:17:26 > 0:17:30- Are you the undertakers? - No, ma'am! We're Mormons.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Oh, son, don't be putting yourself down.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36They used to say that about my child in school, but he turned out fine.
0:17:36 > 0:17:41No, ma'am - Mormons, from the Church of Latter-day Saints.
0:17:41 > 0:17:42The Church...?
0:17:43 > 0:17:46You're the two that Father...
0:17:46 > 0:17:48How do, do, do!
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Do sit down!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Why, thank you, Ma'am, how kind!
0:17:52 > 0:17:53Not at all!
0:17:53 > 0:17:56I want to find out what all the fecking fuss is about!
0:17:56 > 0:17:59- A lovely home you have here. - Thank you very much, son.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03- Well, we're just a normal family, trying to get by.- Hello, sir!
0:18:03 > 0:18:04Oh, don't mind him,
0:18:04 > 0:18:08he's just excited about his funeral tomorrow.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Well, my name is Agnes, or Mrs Brown,
0:18:14 > 0:18:18- whichever you think is most appropriate.- That's fine, Mrs Brown.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20May we begin with a few moments of silent prayer?
0:18:20 > 0:18:21Ha ha ha!
0:18:23 > 0:18:24Seriously?
0:18:27 > 0:18:29All right, just keep your voices down.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46That's my son.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50He's a big cock!
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Sugars, boys? How many sugars in your tea?
0:19:01 > 0:19:06- We don't drink tea! - Of course you don't, you're American!
0:19:07 > 0:19:10How many sugars in your cap-in-chino?
0:19:10 > 0:19:16- We don't drink cappuccino either, or alcohol, or anything that might taint our system.- OK.
0:19:16 > 0:19:20For we believe our bodies are the temple of the Lord,
0:19:20 > 0:19:24and if this be so, then who would defile a temple knowingly?
0:19:24 > 0:19:27A fecking "No" would have done!
0:19:27 > 0:19:29What if we just sneak out?
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Now, where were we?
0:19:35 > 0:19:38We were talking about the Old Testament.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39The Old Testament, yeah.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41# Hallelujah
0:19:41 > 0:19:43# Hallelujah
0:19:43 > 0:19:45# Hallelujah, hallelujah, ha... #
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Comes from down there, look...
0:19:47 > 0:19:49# Hallelujah
0:19:49 > 0:19:53# Hallelujah, hallelujah hallelujah! #
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Don't mind me, son -
0:19:55 > 0:19:58that's just the way we used to do it in the old days.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02In my day, you know. It's all changed now, isn't it? Yeah, all modern, yeah.
0:20:02 > 0:20:03# Hallelu... #
0:20:03 > 0:20:04SHE BEATBOXES
0:20:08 > 0:20:09West side!
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Actually, Mrs Brown, we were talking about Abraham.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Very good story, yeah.
0:20:16 > 0:20:17Yes, it is, ma'am. Yes, it is.
0:20:17 > 0:20:22Yeah, sad, but at the end, when he's riding his chariot
0:20:22 > 0:20:26and the wheel came off, that was sad.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Oh, no, wait, that was Kirk Douglas.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37Oh, Abraham! Of course, yes! He invented the snip.
0:20:37 > 0:20:41- The snip?- The snip, you know, snip!
0:20:43 > 0:20:46It's a very good story, that, it is, but it's made up.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50- I'm sorry, Mrs Brown?- It's made up. A lot of the Bible is made up.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53They had to, cos otherwise it'd be only be a pamphlet.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57- I don't think so, Ma'am. - Norman's Ark, that's made up! - I believe his name was Noah.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01Well, I believe in Ireland we call him fucking Norman!
0:21:01 > 0:21:04- That's made up, love.- No, Ma'am!
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Yes, son. Think about it, think about it!
0:21:06 > 0:21:10- I have, ma'am, I...- Son, son, it rains for 40 days and 40 nights.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12- That's right. - And they called it a disaster.- Yes.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16In Ireland, we call that the fecking summer!
0:21:19 > 0:21:25It's made up! I mean, here. What did he have on his boat? Norman, what did Norman...?
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Are you looking up the fecking answers?
0:21:28 > 0:21:29I'm sorry!
0:21:30 > 0:21:34What did he have on his boat? I'll give you a hint.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36# He had green alligators
0:21:36 > 0:21:38# And long-necked geese
0:21:38 > 0:21:41# Humpety-back camels
0:21:41 > 0:21:42# And chimpanzees
0:21:43 > 0:21:46# Cats and rats and eph-e-lants
0:21:48 > 0:21:51# But just couldn't find him a u-ni-corn! #
0:21:51 > 0:21:55- Come on, what did he have on the boat?- Two of every animal.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- Two of every animal in the whole world!- That's right.
0:21:58 > 0:21:59On a fucking boat?!
0:22:01 > 0:22:05Son, we had two hamsters for the month - they nearly shit out the house!
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- We'd better be going now. - No, no, wait!
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Hold on, I'm not fecking finished!
0:22:13 > 0:22:17The Three Wise Men! Wise?! They got fecking lost!
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Do you know what, Granddad? It fecking suits you!
0:22:29 > 0:22:33- Lie down!- Hey, Mammy - Granddad looks great.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Doesn't he! I'm telling you, mahogany's his colour!
0:22:36 > 0:22:39- Hi, Granddad! - Don't talk to him, he's booking dead!
0:22:39 > 0:22:43- What's this? - It's Granddad's death certificate.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Dr Flynn was drunk - I got him to write one out.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47You don't need a death certificate.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Oh, yes, I do. He's due 15,000 euro from his union the day he dies.
0:22:51 > 0:22:56- He's retired 15 years, I'm fucked if I'm waiting any longer!- Mammy?
0:22:56 > 0:22:58It's not for me, it's for you two.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01Get you started in a place of your own.
0:23:01 > 0:23:02Thanks, Ma!
0:23:02 > 0:23:06Ah, "Thanks, Ma" me arse! I'm fed up of yous crowding me out.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09I have no fecking privacy. I want yous out.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12Thank you, Mrs Brown.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16Ah, don't thank me, love. Thank Granddad for dying prematurely!
0:23:16 > 0:23:22- You look fantastic, Cathy! - Thanks, Mammy. This is actually fun!
0:23:22 > 0:23:24I know, I'm getting excited!
0:23:24 > 0:23:26It's great practice for me,
0:23:26 > 0:23:30cos when he does go, it'll be all I can do to stop meself doing booking cartwheels!
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Mammy, there's loads of people arriving!
0:23:34 > 0:23:39Oh, lovely! Now, come on, let's get this show on the fecking road!
0:23:51 > 0:23:56Agnes, love. Aw, Jesus! I'm so sorry for your trouble, pet!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Thank you, Winnie. It was such a shock!
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Where is he?
0:24:05 > 0:24:09Winnie, did you think that was the fucking buffet?!
0:24:09 > 0:24:12Jesus, Lord, would you look at him? Oh, God.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14It must have been a painful passing.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18# Oh, peace in the valley
0:24:18 > 0:24:20# Peace where he lies... #
0:24:20 > 0:24:24Winnie, love, that's grand.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Winnie, did somebody tell you it was a fecking karaoke?
0:24:28 > 0:24:31DOOR BELL RINGS
0:24:31 > 0:24:34They're here, get Mama Cass off the floor, Cathy!
0:24:36 > 0:24:39God bless all in this house.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45- Thank you, Father...- I know.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47- He's...- I know.
0:24:47 > 0:24:48- I...- I know!
0:24:48 > 0:24:50How do you fucking know?!
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Will we begin?
0:24:54 > 0:24:58- The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.- Too true! Too true!
0:24:58 > 0:25:02- He gives us always the promise of heaven.- And hell for the sinners!
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Winnie, it's not a booking debate!
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Granddad Brown was a good man.
0:25:09 > 0:25:14- Let us recall his contribution to our lives.- This won't take long!
0:25:14 > 0:25:18For without him, there'd be none of you here today. No Agnes...
0:25:18 > 0:25:20- He's not MY father.- Mammy!
0:25:20 > 0:25:22..none of her children, grandchildren.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24I never thought of it that way.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Let us take a moment to remember him
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Would anybody like to say a word in his memory?
0:25:34 > 0:25:35OK, then.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38ALL GASP
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Has nobody anything good to say?
0:25:40 > 0:25:43He's... He's not dead!
0:25:43 > 0:25:48No, he's alive! Oh, my God! It's a miracle! It's a miracle, Father!
0:25:48 > 0:25:51How did you do it, Father Quinn? How did you do it?
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Well, I don't know. I raised my arms in the air!
0:25:54 > 0:25:57- ALL:- He raised his arms in the air!
0:25:57 > 0:26:01- And then I looked up to the Lord. - ALL:- He looked up to the Lord!
0:26:03 > 0:26:04# He put his hands up in the air
0:26:04 > 0:26:06# He put his hands up in the air
0:26:06 > 0:26:08# And he said a little prayer
0:26:08 > 0:26:09# And he said a little prayer
0:26:09 > 0:26:11# I've never seen the like before
0:26:11 > 0:26:13# Never seen the like before
0:26:13 > 0:26:15# Granddad's back from death's door
0:26:15 > 0:26:16# Granddad's back from death's door
0:26:16 > 0:26:18# So if your life is full of sin
0:26:18 > 0:26:20# If your life is full of sin
0:26:20 > 0:26:21# Just send out for Father Quinn
0:26:21 > 0:26:23# Father Quinn, Father Quinn
0:26:23 > 0:26:25# Father Quinn, Father Quinn
0:26:25 > 0:26:29# Father Quinn, Father Quinn
0:26:29 > 0:26:31# He just raised his hands on high
0:26:31 > 0:26:32# He just raised his hands on high
0:26:32 > 0:26:34# He asked the Lord to hear his cry
0:26:34 > 0:26:35# Asked the Lord to hear his cry
0:26:35 > 0:26:37# The darkest secrets from my past
0:26:37 > 0:26:39# Darkest secrets from her past
0:26:39 > 0:26:41# Are laid to rest for me at last
0:26:41 > 0:26:42# Laid to rest for her at last
0:26:42 > 0:26:44# It doesn't matter where you've been
0:26:44 > 0:26:46# It doesn't matter where you've been
0:26:46 > 0:26:48# Just send out for Father Quinn
0:26:48 > 0:26:49# Father Quinn, Father Quinn
0:26:49 > 0:26:51# Father Quinn, Father Quinn
0:26:51 > 0:26:54# Father Quinn, Father Quinn
0:26:56 > 0:26:59# Father Quinn, Father Quinn
0:26:59 > 0:27:01# Father Quinn, Father Quinn
0:27:01 > 0:27:03# You waited for a sign from him
0:27:03 > 0:27:05# You waited for a sign from him
0:27:05 > 0:27:07# Instead of your faith being dead
0:27:07 > 0:27:09# Your faith being dead
0:27:09 > 0:27:12# You worked a miracle instead
0:27:12 > 0:27:14# Worked a miracle instead
0:27:14 > 0:27:16# Now you have the power within
0:27:16 > 0:27:18# Now you have the power within
0:27:18 > 0:27:21# For God's sake, there's your sign Father Quinn!
0:27:21 > 0:27:25# Father Quinn, Father Quinn! #
0:27:29 > 0:27:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:33 > 0:27:38You see, I told you. It all works out the way it's supposed to! Now, don't sit there -
0:27:38 > 0:27:40get up and dance! Come on!
0:27:41 > 0:27:44# He raised his hands up high
0:27:44 > 0:27:46# Asked the Lord to hear his cry
0:27:48 > 0:27:49# Darkest secrets from the past... #
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Yeah!
0:27:51 > 0:27:54# Laid to rest for her at last
0:27:54 > 0:27:56# Doesn't matter where you've been
0:27:56 > 0:27:59# Just send out for Father Quinn
0:27:59 > 0:28:00# Father Quinn, Father Quinn
0:28:00 > 0:28:02# Father Quinn, Father Quinn
0:28:02 > 0:28:05# Father Quinn, Father Quinn! #
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:16 > 0:28:19E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk