0:00:00 > 0:00:04This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys.
0:00:14 > 0:00:18APPLAUSE # She's Mrs Brown
0:00:18 > 0:00:21# That's Mrs Brown
0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Oh, Mrs Brown. #
0:00:30 > 0:00:31Thanks, Mammy.
0:00:51 > 0:00:52Ah, thanks, Mrs Brown.
0:00:56 > 0:01:01- Still looking, love?- Yeah. Nothing. there's just no jobs going!
0:01:01 > 0:01:06And with the baby on the way, we have to get our own place!
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Something will come up.
0:01:11 > 0:01:18Hello! Well, there's a new Brown due. Getting closer every day!
0:01:18 > 0:01:22Foot! Foot! I don't care what it is, as long as it's a girl!
0:01:25 > 0:01:27How do I look? I'm on a diet.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Yes, it's called the Cook And Kids diet.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32I cook toast and the kids feckin' eat it!
0:01:34 > 0:01:36I'm serious, listen.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Maria, put some bread in that toaster!
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Oh God, no more toast for me, Mrs Brown.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43See? It wouldn't be for me.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45I don't feckin' eat toast.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47See ya later, pussycat!
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Your shoe? Where's your other shoe? The other shoe?
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Shoo! Shoo!
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Your other... Ah, feckin' hop!
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Mammy, what would it be like to work in a lighthouse?
0:02:00 > 0:02:01A lighthouse?
0:02:01 > 0:02:04You'd have to run around in a circle to read your book.
0:02:06 > 0:02:11And you'd have crabs all over your rocks! It would be worse than your holiday in Malaga.
0:02:11 > 0:02:18Ah no, seriously, Mammy. I have to get a better job.
0:02:18 > 0:02:19A lighthouse?
0:02:19 > 0:02:23Well you'd be lonely - and you could be away for weeks!
0:02:24 > 0:02:27No, three days a week.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Three days a week, in a lighthouse?
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Where's this lighthouse?
0:02:31 > 0:02:32Birmingham.
0:02:34 > 0:02:35Show me the ad.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39"Person wanted, three days a week for light house work."
0:02:39 > 0:02:46You feckin' eejit! No wonder you can't get a job. You feckin' eejit!
0:02:46 > 0:02:51- Who's an eejit?- Your brother! - You'll get no argument from me.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Well thank you, Dr Spock.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- Don't slap your brother, you'll hurt him!- You did!
0:02:56 > 0:03:00- I'm allowed, it's my job. - Thanks, Mammy.
0:03:00 > 0:03:05Oh, and don't count me in for dinner. I'm meeting Mick! He's going on a course for special detectives!
0:03:05 > 0:03:07And is he, Cathy? Is he special?
0:03:07 > 0:03:08He could be the one.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10I used to call your father that, the one.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11Awww!
0:03:11 > 0:03:13One bastard.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18It would be nice if it worked out for her, wouldn't it?
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Yeah, great! That's all we need.
0:03:21 > 0:03:22A copper in the family!
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Mammy, Did you see my blue canvas shoes?
0:03:24 > 0:03:28Ah now, where did I leave them after me ballet classes?
0:03:28 > 0:03:31I'd wear these, I suppose they'll do.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33You suppose they'll do?
0:03:33 > 0:03:36When I was a child you were lucky if you had one pair of shoes.
0:03:36 > 0:03:37Here we go.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Don't make light of it.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42I got up every morning and walked 6 miles to school.
0:03:42 > 0:03:447 miles to the nearest shop.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- 4 miles just to go to mass. - You should have moved!
0:03:49 > 0:03:53Don't be cheeky, son! And, you - watch the time!
0:03:53 > 0:03:57- Toast!- Give me that feckin' toast, give me that!
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Get out! Get out!
0:04:08 > 0:04:11- Are you making toast there, Mammy? - What am I, the Toast Master?
0:04:11 > 0:04:15I'm not going to be making toast for every Tom, Dick and Harry that walks into this house!
0:04:15 > 0:04:19- Morning, Mammy. - Good morning, Trevor son! Toast?
0:04:21 > 0:04:22Yeah, I'd love some!
0:04:27 > 0:04:28Right, I'm off.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32Be careful, son - it's a jungle out there!
0:04:36 > 0:04:40Trevor, you should go up and visit Father Quinn,
0:04:40 > 0:04:42you haven't seen him since you got home.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46- Mammy...- And, I've done all your washing. It's folded up nicely just
0:04:46 > 0:04:47right beside your bed.
0:04:47 > 0:04:52And you should get yourself into town, get yourself a decent pair of feckin' shoes!
0:04:52 > 0:04:54I have to go back to the mission.
0:04:55 > 0:04:56I know.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59When?
0:04:59 > 0:05:01This week. South Sudan.
0:05:01 > 0:05:02Not South Sudan!
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Do you know where that is?
0:05:04 > 0:05:05No.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Mammy, it was great to be home, but you always knew it would be a short visit.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13- Well, we'll give you a good feckin' send off!- No, you won't.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17Not like the last time, no big party, no brass band,
0:05:17 > 0:05:19no big deal, and no tears!
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Jacko has an erection!
0:05:30 > 0:05:34An erection? Just like that?
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Just like that!
0:05:38 > 0:05:43He's lying there in the hospital, his bed like a tent!
0:05:44 > 0:05:48Apparently it's a side effect of the medication he's on for his heart.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- You must have got a shock! - I thought he was dead.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54I thought it was rigor mortis!
0:05:58 > 0:06:01- Do you ever miss it, Agnes? - Miss what?
0:06:01 > 0:06:03You know. It. The humpy-humpy thing?
0:06:04 > 0:06:05No.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09- Not even a little bit? - Not even a teensy weensy bit. What's to feckin' miss?
0:06:09 > 0:06:12The smell of Guinness and chips being breathed all over you?
0:06:12 > 0:06:15His chin like feckin' sandpaper?
0:06:17 > 0:06:22Taking advantage of me whenever he liked - he'd come in and dive on me, "AHHHHHH!
0:06:22 > 0:06:28"Take off me feckin' tights!"
0:06:30 > 0:06:36And all I could do was lie there and try and keep me place in the book.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41The answer is no, Winnie. I don't miss it one little bit!
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Ah, Agnes, you're gas!
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Here, I'm going to go.
0:06:45 > 0:06:51I might pop down to the hospital and see if Jacko's any better.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Or any bigger!
0:06:53 > 0:06:57Speaking of balls, bingo at eight o'clock!
0:06:57 > 0:06:58- See you, love! - See you later!
0:06:58 > 0:07:01- Hello, Mrs McGoogan.- Hello, son. - How are you, Mrs McGoogan?
0:07:01 > 0:07:09Look what the cat dragged in. What the cat dragged! Ah, feck off!
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Just home for a quick cuppa!
0:07:11 > 0:07:17Well here, help yourselves. I have to get Grandad ready for sports day for the old folks' home.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20He's entered in the long spit!
0:07:25 > 0:07:30I'm telling you, Dermot, it's foolproof. The house is full of gear and there's nobody there.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32- Nobody?- They own a circus
0:07:32 > 0:07:35and they pack up every winter and go away until Easter.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Circus people, Dermo. You know what they're like for jewellery.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Maria wouldn't like this.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Don't bring her.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48- All right. - Ah, fantastic!
0:07:48 > 0:07:51But they have cameras.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Leave it to me. I'll get another costume from work!
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Ah, Dermo - just like the old days!
0:07:57 > 0:08:00You and me like prowling cats,
0:08:00 > 0:08:03silent and invisible.
0:08:06 > 0:08:07CRASHING
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Ahhhhh! I'm OK!
0:08:20 > 0:08:21Buster, you look great! Come in!
0:08:26 > 0:08:28I think me ma's gone to the bingo!
0:08:28 > 0:08:29Who's that?
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Nobody!
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Hide! It's me, Mammy.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Hello, son. Nice pyjamas.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Grandad, I'm off to the bingo.
0:08:45 > 0:08:51Grandad - it's over! It's over!
0:08:51 > 0:08:57Look, I know you are disappointed with second place, but there's always next year.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01If you're still here!
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- Dermot, I'm off! - Good luck at the bingo!
0:09:06 > 0:09:10We have to make this quick. I need to be back before Maria finishes her shift.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Come on, let's go.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19What are you giggling about?
0:09:19 > 0:09:23You today, keeping your place in the book!
0:09:23 > 0:09:24It's true!
0:09:24 > 0:09:27But making love, Agnes!
0:09:27 > 0:09:31Love, my arse! Making more worries, making shitty nappies.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- Makin' HIM happy! - And you! Making you happy, too!
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Ah, Jesus, Agnes, you can't tell me you've never enjoyed it.
0:09:38 > 0:09:43Winnie, are you on drugs? Enjoy what?
0:09:43 > 0:09:45You know, the organism.
0:09:57 > 0:10:02I never done one. I nearly did, once. Not with him.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Mary Murphy told me to get a cucumber.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11I went down to the vegetable shop to get it. The man said,
0:10:11 > 0:10:15"Will I slice it?" I said, "Excuse me, it's a fanny not a feckin' parking meter!"
0:10:23 > 0:10:25I don't think they exist!
0:10:25 > 0:10:29Oh, they do, Agnes, I swear it! I done two.
0:10:30 > 0:10:31When?
0:10:31 > 0:10:34Well, one two weeks after your Redser's funeral.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37BOTH: Lord rest him!
0:10:37 > 0:10:39On a Friday. And one the following August.
0:10:42 > 0:10:43And what were they like?
0:10:43 > 0:10:46Massive! Brilliant!
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Be specific, describe it!
0:10:49 > 0:10:53Well, at first, I didn't know what was goin' on.
0:10:53 > 0:11:00- He was floppin' up and down like a dying whale, flip flop, flip flop, flip flop, flip flop!- Winnie!
0:11:00 > 0:11:03I know that bit, get to the part where you feckin' harpoon him.
0:11:09 > 0:11:14Well, there's me thinkin' to meself, "Jesus, if this fella doesn't..."
0:11:14 > 0:11:15Yes. I know.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17"..I'll fall asleep."
0:11:17 > 0:11:20If you were awake to start with!
0:11:20 > 0:11:25Then suddenly, oh, I had this feeling. A wave came over me.
0:11:25 > 0:11:26Tsunami?
0:11:28 > 0:11:32It was like getting ten early numbers at the bingo, Agnes.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35And you just knew something good was coming!
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Ten early numbers!
0:11:41 > 0:11:45A shiver ran down me body, me hips started jerking all on their own.
0:11:47 > 0:11:53Oh, I closed me eyes - it was like an explosion.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57I could see colours bursting in me mind like fireworks.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04And without me telling it to,
0:12:04 > 0:12:08me voice gave out a little yelp, "Arghhhh!"
0:12:10 > 0:12:13It's OK, it's OK! It's OK!
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Winnie! You frightened the shite out of me!
0:12:18 > 0:12:19Sorry.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25He just stopped and said, "Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Oh, I could hardly speak.
0:12:29 > 0:12:34"Oh, keep going!" You know, I kinda whispered.
0:12:34 > 0:12:39But he just rolled over and said, "You're all right, love, I wasn't in the mood anyway."
0:12:39 > 0:12:41He was asleep in seconds.
0:12:41 > 0:12:42Gone!
0:12:42 > 0:12:46I just lay there, Agnes.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49And I don't know why, but I started to cry.
0:12:49 > 0:12:54Now, I wasn't sad or nothing. I just cried.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Well that's it, love. What do you think?
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Was that the first one or the second one?
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Both. They were the same, only on the second one I didn't cry.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12Did you tell him about them?
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Jesus, Agnes, I couldn't tell him.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16I'd been faking them the last 30 years!
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Me too! I used to just go...
0:13:25 > 0:13:26What did you do?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28"Oooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!"
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Here, I need a fag after that!
0:13:34 > 0:13:36- Winnie!- What? - How long did they last?
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Seconds. Over in a flash.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43If they're that quick, I could have had loads of them and just not know!
0:13:43 > 0:13:49Don't you kid yourself, Agnes Brown. If you'd had one you'd know it for sure. Believe you me!
0:13:50 > 0:13:53Oooh! Oh, yes!
0:13:57 > 0:14:02Well, thank you, Redser Brown. Leaving me with six orphans
0:14:02 > 0:14:04and not one fuckin' organism to show for it.
0:14:08 > 0:14:13I just can't, that's it. I'm sorry, Professor.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16I can do anything else, but I can't do this!
0:14:18 > 0:14:19Can't do what, Cathy?
0:14:19 > 0:14:22It's just a project for college. It's nothing.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25I'm not doing it anyway, so it doesn't matter.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28What kind of project? Don't give up so easy!
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Oh, a family group session!
0:14:31 > 0:14:34What's the problem? You've the family right here under the roof.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38We're getting together tomorrow for Trevor's send off, it's the perfect opportunity.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41I'll tell everybody half-past seven.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44What a lovely way to send Trevor off but with a family group night!
0:14:44 > 0:14:47But, Mammy, I know everybody too well.
0:14:47 > 0:14:48I'll have nothing to work with!
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Of course you will. Goodnight, love!
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Who's that?
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Shhhh! Is everyone in bed?
0:14:59 > 0:15:00Yes.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Come on, Buster. Take your time.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04Where have you been?
0:15:04 > 0:15:06In Emergency at the hospital!
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Oh, God. What happened?
0:15:08 > 0:15:09Long story.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Come on, Buster, one step at a time.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17We had a run-in with a real live lion!
0:15:17 > 0:15:19You had a run-in with a lion, dressed as a zebra?
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Their favourite food!
0:15:21 > 0:15:24The lion wasn't hungry. He was horny!
0:15:44 > 0:15:48Nothing to work with? You must be feckin' joking.
0:15:52 > 0:15:53You can sit in with us if you like.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56BOTH: No thanks, Mrs Brown.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00I suppose not, you're not really family.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Are we starting or what?
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Dermot's not here yet.
0:16:04 > 0:16:05Can't we start without him?
0:16:05 > 0:16:07- It's Cathy's night, I'd leave it to her!- OK.
0:16:07 > 0:16:12Now, what Cathy's going to do first is explain to everybody
0:16:12 > 0:16:14exactly what's going on.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Cathy Brown!
0:16:16 > 0:16:17You don't have to introduce me.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Cathy Brown!
0:16:22 > 0:16:26OK, the basic structure of any normal family...
0:16:26 > 0:16:27Or ours.
0:16:29 > 0:16:30Cathy Brown.
0:16:33 > 0:16:37The basic structure is identical for every family, human or animal.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41Animals! Ha! I do animals! Wait till you see it.
0:16:41 > 0:16:42SHE CLUCKS
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Watch this! What's that?
0:16:47 > 0:16:48A chicken?
0:16:48 > 0:16:52Yes! Well done, son! Will I do a pig?
0:16:52 > 0:16:54- Yes.- "Is that feckin' car taxed?"
0:17:00 > 0:17:07This structure is called the hierarchy structure. The father at the top of the hierarchy.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09LAUGHS
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Cathy Brown!
0:17:15 > 0:17:18The father at the top and the youngest child at the bottom.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22And no matter what age they are, once the family gathers in a group situation,
0:17:22 > 0:17:27everybody unconsciously reverts to their place within that structure.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30I'd like to use this session to confirm that theory.
0:17:30 > 0:17:37So this is a family group talk, you just say whatever you like. All right? Mammy?
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Mammy fuckin' bored now.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45OK. We'll start with you, Mark.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48What? Why me?
0:17:48 > 0:17:52Well, we have to start somewhere, and in the absence of a father
0:17:52 > 0:17:54you're the eldest.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58All right - my name is Mark Brown and I'm an alcoholic.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Look, if you're not going to take this serious then there's no point.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09I think being an alcoholic is feckin' serious!
0:18:11 > 0:18:13He's not an alcoholic, Mammy.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Jesus Christ, Cathy - you're so... And it's not funny!
0:18:18 > 0:18:21You're so quick to judge.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23- He's not, Mammy! Are you, Mark? - No!
0:18:23 > 0:18:25There!
0:18:27 > 0:18:30So, Mark. How was your day today?
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Grand.
0:18:32 > 0:18:33Oh, for God's sake!
0:18:33 > 0:18:34Were you drinking, son?
0:18:36 > 0:18:40He is not an alcoholic, Mammy.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Only an alcoholic denies he's an alcoholic!
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Look, what I'm trying to do here is just make small talk.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52- Small talk. - Yeah, to sort of relax everybody.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Chill. Cool, baby, chill!
0:18:56 > 0:19:00We can talk about things that might be worrying us.
0:19:00 > 0:19:01Exactly!
0:19:04 > 0:19:07No, you don't have to raise your hand.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10If you feel like speaking you just speak. Go on, Rory.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Dino has a verruca.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Rory, what the hell are you talking about?
0:19:16 > 0:19:20No, wait, Mark. Has he, Rory?
0:19:20 > 0:19:22That's very interesting.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25I'm on the edge of me buckin' seat!
0:19:26 > 0:19:28I can't wait for Verruca 2!
0:19:30 > 0:19:34It's not the verruca that's interesting, Mammy,
0:19:34 > 0:19:36it's the fact that Rory said it.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38I feckin' heard him.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42I am not buckin' deaf!
0:19:48 > 0:19:49Cathy Brown.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58Why did you pick that particular thing to start with, Rory?
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Because you told me to speak.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Good answer, son!
0:20:02 > 0:20:07- Yes, but why Dino's verruca? Does it bother you?- Erm...
0:20:07 > 0:20:12Answer the fuckin' question! It's a simple question! Answer the question!
0:20:12 > 0:20:17You give me 30 seconds - I'll get you an answer. Trevor, get me the hose off the washing machine!
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Mammy!
0:20:22 > 0:20:23I'm just doing good cop, bad cop.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28You're going down, perp! No deals.
0:20:28 > 0:20:3215 to life! CSI Miami!
0:20:32 > 0:20:35There's no need for any of that, Mammy, so stop it!
0:20:39 > 0:20:46- You see, the interesting thing here is that a verruca is a niggling thing.- Niggling.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50- Something that doesn't bother you for a long time. - Ah, years, yeah.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52And then suddenly gets very sore.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Yes! Throbbing! Throbbing!
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Was Dino throbbing?
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Rory, is there something niggling at you?
0:21:05 > 0:21:06Cathy could be right, love!
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Take off your shoe - I'll have a look.
0:21:09 > 0:21:14- No, Mammy, I mean something bigger than a verruca! - Like a bunion?
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Oh, for Christ's sake.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Sorry I'm late!
0:21:18 > 0:21:21It's all right, son, you missed feck all!
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Cathy Brown.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27You people just don't get it, do you?
0:21:27 > 0:21:30ALL: No.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32All right, here's an exercise!
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Come on, all of you do this. Come on!
0:21:35 > 0:21:37# Hallelujah! #
0:21:37 > 0:21:43All right, now I want everybody to reach into your past!
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Reach into the past.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49Cathy, if we're reaching into the past why are we going forward?
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Because I said so and I know what I'm doing - OK. Reach!
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Rory, your past is not that long. Get back!
0:21:55 > 0:21:59Reach in. Cathy, I am reaching into the bag of my life.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03- Well done!- I am rummaging through the sack of my memories.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05- That's it.- Jeez, I didn't know that was there! Oh, no!
0:22:05 > 0:22:08You wouldn't believe what's in here!
0:22:08 > 0:22:09Mammy, concentrate, will you!
0:22:09 > 0:22:12- I am!- OK.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16Now, I want you to find that something that holds you back.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Yank it out! Shake it at the world
0:22:19 > 0:22:22and say, "Fuck off and leave me alone!"
0:22:24 > 0:22:28I'm cured. I am cured!
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Mammy, sit down!
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Cathy Brown.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Mammy, the reason I want you to reach into your past...
0:22:39 > 0:22:42- Me bag. - ..is so that you can understand...
0:22:42 > 0:22:45- Understand.- ..the way you feel... - The way you feel.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48- ..today!- Today!
0:22:48 > 0:22:51What is she buckin' talking about?
0:22:53 > 0:23:00All right, I'll give you an example. Mark, when I was nine you tore my communion dress.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04Ahh, not the fuckin' communion dress!
0:23:04 > 0:23:09You bring this up at every family gathering, you ruined your father's funeral with this!
0:23:09 > 0:23:12And everyone was having such a good time.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16You know, I remember your father's last words.
0:23:17 > 0:23:18"Ah, fuck. It's a bus"
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Cathy Brown!
0:23:32 > 0:23:37Mark, that dress was important to me.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39OK, but I was only 12!
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Well, I hated you for that.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Fair enough. I forgive you.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- Good boy. - You forgive me for what?
0:23:46 > 0:23:49You said you hated me. I forgive you.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52- He has a heart of gold!- But you're the one who's in the wrong!
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Excuse me! Now, excuse me! He forgives you and he's in the wrong?
0:23:56 > 0:23:59What kind of jumped up feckin' cycle-ology is this?
0:23:59 > 0:24:03You walk in here - you accuse him of being an alcoholic
0:24:03 > 0:24:06and then you won't accept his forgiveness over one little tear?
0:24:06 > 0:24:09And you don't even attack Rory for wearing the feckin' dress!
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Look it...it's all his fault!
0:24:16 > 0:24:18I'm not even sure it is a verruca!
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Rory! Shut up about the feckin' verruca!
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Don't speak to my son like that.
0:24:23 > 0:24:28- Ah, Mammy, shut up!- And don't you speak to your mother like that!
0:24:28 > 0:24:32This is a waste of time, you know, forget it. Just forget it!
0:24:32 > 0:24:33DOORBELL RINGS
0:24:33 > 0:24:34Trevor, get that door!
0:24:34 > 0:24:39I'm glad my husband is not alive to see this, to see his beautiful wife being treated like this.
0:24:39 > 0:24:43Mammy, your husband didn't die. He's just hiding on you!
0:24:43 > 0:24:45You're supposed to be in control of this.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47I wouldn't put you in control of cattle!
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Well, it's not my fault my family are idiots!
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Well it's not my fault you haven't got a penis!
0:24:57 > 0:24:58She hasn't - has she?
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Eurgh!
0:25:00 > 0:25:04Oh, hiya, Mick, what a surprise! Give me a minute, I'll get my coat.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06No, Cathy. I'm on duty!
0:25:06 > 0:25:07And who is she?
0:25:09 > 0:25:12He's on duty, Mammy. He's working!
0:25:12 > 0:25:15- Sorry, I thought he said Judy! - Duty!
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Actually, I'm here to see Dermot.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20Dermot? For what?
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Can I speak to you in private?
0:25:22 > 0:25:26Anything you have to say to him can be said right here - we're all family.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Yes, we're all family. Well, not them two, really! They're not really...
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Maria, maybe I should talk to Mick in the kitchen.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Good idea, everybody into the kitchen.
0:25:34 > 0:25:40No. Here. Now what is it, Detective O'Leary?
0:25:40 > 0:25:42How did you know his name was O'Leary?
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Because I recognise him from the hospital.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Oh, I've met him a couple of times, in the children's clinic.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51- She said that before - yes. - Now what do you want here?
0:25:51 > 0:25:55Erm, I'm investigating an attempted break-in at a warehouse in Portmarnock,
0:25:55 > 0:25:57- last Friday evening.- Jesus!
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Two men fitting the description of Dermot Brown
0:26:00 > 0:26:04and one Buster Brady were seen at the scene with a truck.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- At what time?- 11:30.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10- It couldn't have been my husband, he was with me.- Where?
0:26:10 > 0:26:14Here, they were here. Everyone in your feckin' book, they were all here.
0:26:14 > 0:26:18I went to bed at about 12 o'clock. I had to, the place was feckin' packed!
0:26:18 > 0:26:23Fellas with balaclavas over there and fellas with stockings over their heads over there, it was chaos!
0:26:23 > 0:26:26- Mammy, they were here! - That's what I said!
0:26:26 > 0:26:30- And would you both swear to that in court?- I would, twice.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34Dermot Brown was having a night in with his wife,
0:26:34 > 0:26:38Detective O'Leary. Maybe you should try doing the same yourself.
0:26:44 > 0:26:49Right, well...that's that then.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55- Cathy, I can explain... - Don't!
0:26:57 > 0:27:00She's not very clear.
0:27:00 > 0:27:01Fuck off!
0:27:09 > 0:27:14"Family Group Session. What exactly does the word family mean?
0:27:16 > 0:27:19"To take a cynical view,
0:27:19 > 0:27:23"the bonds of family can be the very bonds that hold you back.
0:27:25 > 0:27:30"However, they are also the bonds that support you, keep you
0:27:30 > 0:27:36"grounded, and teach you that above everything else - family is a place."
0:27:36 > 0:27:40"A place in your heart, a place where no matter what troubles you encounter,
0:27:40 > 0:27:45"no matter where you find yourself, you know in that place you will always be loved."
0:27:47 > 0:27:48I read it this morning.
0:27:50 > 0:27:51I'll miss you
0:27:51 > 0:27:53I hope so.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Goodbye, Grandad!
0:27:56 > 0:27:59Which one are you?
0:28:00 > 0:28:02The nun!
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Oh, right.
0:28:05 > 0:28:06Have a safe journey, son!
0:28:06 > 0:28:10I will, and thanks for not making a big fuss of me leaving, Ma.
0:28:10 > 0:28:11CHEERING
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Mammy!
0:28:13 > 0:28:16MARCHING BAND PLAYS
0:28:16 > 0:28:19Well, what did you expect? Good night!
0:28:23 > 0:28:27Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:27 > 0:28:31E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk