0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains adult humour and strong language
0:00:12 > 0:00:16Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19# She's Mrs Brown
0:00:19 > 0:00:21# That's Mrs Brown
0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Our Mrs Brown... #
0:00:27 > 0:00:28Bitch.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33They're not real. Well, one of them might be.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Hello, I am just looking at some of the models in this.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43My God, what they need is a good feed! There's not a pick on them.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46There's one of them in here that looks like a feckin' X-ray!
0:00:46 > 0:00:49There wouldn't be enough elastic in her knickers
0:00:49 > 0:00:51to make a pair of garters for a budgie.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55If you could call them knickers, two strings with a label.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58In my day we wore real knickers - Aertex.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01HE CHUCKLES
0:01:01 > 0:01:05Little pin-holes in them. My husband couldn't look at a teabag,
0:01:05 > 0:01:06but he wanted to do it!
0:01:10 > 0:01:12- Hiya, Mammy.- Hello, honey bunny.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19You just missed a call from your boss. I told him you'd call as soon as you get in.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22- That bastard.- Why love, what's wrong? - Next week
0:01:22 > 0:01:26is Kids Intercontinental Comic Book and Cosmic Charac Festival Week.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30You must have shit yourself when saw that in the script!
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Would you like to have another go at it?
0:01:35 > 0:01:38Next week is
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Kids Intercontinental Comic... Ah, feckin' hell!
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Now, now, now. That's bad language for a rabbit.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Ah, da, da, da, da tet-ta.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Next week is
0:01:52 > 0:01:56Kids Intercontinental Comic Book and Cosmic Character Festival Week.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59AUDIENCE APPLAUDS
0:01:59 > 0:02:03I love when that comes around every year. What is it again?
0:02:06 > 0:02:10I'm supposed to be promoting kids' comics,
0:02:10 > 0:02:13and he wants me as a different superhero every day.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16- Oh, Dermot, that'll be marvellous. - I'm not doing it!- Why not?
0:02:16 > 0:02:21The kids will love that. And I can't think of anyone who'd look better as a superhero than my son.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Mammy, I have to get the bus into town every day dressed like this.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28You're lucky, dressed like that, he doesn't make you
0:02:28 > 0:02:30run in front of a greyhound!
0:02:30 > 0:02:32BARKS LIKE A DOG
0:02:32 > 0:02:36- I'm sorry, son.- It's bad enough now, you can imagine the slagging
0:02:36 > 0:02:38I'd get dressed as Spider-Man.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43Yeah, trying to get on the bus with all them legs!
0:02:43 > 0:02:46At least with those costumes you can put an overcoat on.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49- You can't with the big ones. - You're right, you know.- I am.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51- Now, cup of tea?- No, Ma.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- Fine.- Hey, Ma, there's a new shop opened in the main shopping centre.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00- Just what we need, a new feckin' shop.- It's called Fuller Fashions.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03- Is it?- It's nice, I'd say you'd love it.- Would I?
0:03:03 > 0:03:06They do lovely clothes for fat women.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15- And why would I like that? - Well, you know,
0:03:15 > 0:03:18in case you wanted to get something nice for Winnie.
0:03:21 > 0:03:27Very good. That's very good. You're not suggesting that I would go into such an establishment...
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Bejesus, no, Mammy. You'd be too skinny for that stuff.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33I would, wouldn't I? I would be much too feckin' skinny.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36It was nearly fucking rabbit season.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Rory and Dino will be home for their break, soon.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44- Oh, now, the Banger Sisters. - Ha, the Banger Sisters.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47That's cos they like the sausages.
0:03:49 > 0:03:50Doesn't matter, Mammy.
0:03:52 > 0:03:57- Hey, Dermot.- Hi, Dermot.- Hey, lads. - I'm here, Mammy.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01- Do you want a cup of tea?- No thanks.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03No, Mammy, I just came home to drop off my bag.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Well, you're not feckin' leaving him here.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12- We're heading down to Foley's for a little drink.- Foley's, at this hour?
0:04:12 > 0:04:17- Well, it's a kind of a celebration. - Celebrating what?- Can I tell them?
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- Oh, go on then.- There was a big announcement in work today.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24- What announcement?- Well, the owner...- Mr Kavanagh.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26- ..of the salon... - Wash And Blow.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29..announced today that instead of bringing in a new manager,
0:04:29 > 0:04:32he was going to promote someone from within the shop.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Rory, that's a marvellous opportunity.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37I've always said Mr Kavanagh is a very intelligent and generous man.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39And Dino is the favourite to get it.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43He's a bastard that man, I never liked him.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45We'll see now Rory, let's wait and see.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Yeah, well, we can only hope.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50You know you're going to get it.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54Still, you're right, I suppose, it's not over till the fat lady sings.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Clear your throat there, Mrs Brown!
0:04:59 > 0:05:05- Excuse me?!- We better go! - You skinny, Scottish bastard!
0:05:09 > 0:05:13- Right, I'm off, Mammy.- Dermot, son...
0:05:13 > 0:05:17here, that's for later, don't tell anyone.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26- Go on, do it for me.- Ah, Ma.- Do it for your mammy, just once, please.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Der-der-der-der-that's all, folks.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41And, Dermot, think about the superhero thing,
0:05:41 > 0:05:43I think it would be nice.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45- What's the superhero thing?- Dermot.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49It's Intercontinental Kids Comic and Cosmic Character Week.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54It's what?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01DERMOT LAUGHS
0:06:09 > 0:06:11And Dermot doesn't want to be a superhero.
0:06:11 > 0:06:16Not wanting to be a superhero may indicate his unwillingness to take on responsibility.
0:06:16 > 0:06:22- I know where this is coming from, Cathy. Professor Clown.- It's Clowne.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26C-L-O-W-N-E, Clowne, it's Swiss.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29C-L-O-W-N-E is clown in any fucking language.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34Even in euros. You're even starting to sound like him.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37- Cathy, is there something going on there?- Maybe.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39He's asked me out on a date.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43I don't think that a professor should be seeing his students.
0:06:43 > 0:06:48- And I am going.- It's your life, love, you're entitled to fuck it up anyway you like.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52Well, excuse me, if I take a pass on your dating advice.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Well, you excuse me.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58I'll have you know, missy, in my day I was considered a bit of a catch.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01- You may not think it now. - Oh no, Mammy.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04- You're still a fine looking woman.- I know.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06I just said that to feckin' be humble.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Even with the extra weight.
0:07:13 > 0:07:18- I think the place could be cleaner. What do you think?- Um-hm. Yes.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20I think if everyone done a little bit of sweeping,
0:07:20 > 0:07:23even the stylists, if they're not too busy.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26The stylists, sweeping, that's interesting.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30I think that steriliser should be cleaned more as well.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33It's filthy, full of hair.
0:07:36 > 0:07:41- It's comfy over here.- Yes it is, son, that's why it's my fucking chair.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46- Thanks, Mrs Brown.- Dermott will be home in a couple of minutes.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49In the meantime, everything in this room is counted.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53- Mrs Brown?- What? - I'd love a cream cake.
0:07:53 > 0:07:57Yeah, I'd love a holiday in fucking Spain.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Also, I think there's far too many smoke breaks.
0:08:00 > 0:08:05- But, Rory, you don't smoke. - That's not my fault.- Uh-huh.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09You're here, thanks for waiting.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12- No problemo, Dermo. - Give me a second.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15- I'm home, Mammy. - I'll inform the press.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19How are you, Dino? Congratulations on the promotion.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Oh, rub it in, why don't you?
0:08:21 > 0:08:23HE SOBS
0:08:25 > 0:08:32- What did I say? - He didn't get the promotion. I did!
0:08:33 > 0:08:36I'll see you later...
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Manager.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40So, Dermo, what you want me for?
0:08:40 > 0:08:45- I wanted to see if you fancied doing Robin next week?- Yeah.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48Where are we robbing?
0:08:48 > 0:08:52Not thieving, robbing, Robin, Robin, like Batman and Robin.
0:08:52 > 0:08:56- Oh, that Robin.- Who's robbing?- Me. - You want to give that up, son.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00No, Mammy, he's not going to be robbing, he's going to BE Robin.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06- When?- In a few days.- But he's not robbing today?- Obviously.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10- But he's going to be robbing, and you think that's OK? - Mammy, you're getting confused.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- Dermot, can I explain? - This should be good.
0:09:13 > 0:09:20You see, Mrs Brown, Robin is good, and I'm going to be Robin,
0:09:20 > 0:09:23so, if I'm Robin, Robin, then there will be no robbing,
0:09:23 > 0:09:25because Robin, he's not into robbing.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32- Like Batman and Robin?- Yeah. - Seriously, you got it from that?
0:09:32 > 0:09:35I thought it was perfectly clear.
0:09:36 > 0:09:41It's a job, for a day or two, Buster. I'll be Batman, you'll be Robin.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- OK.- Be here at nine o'clock. - Nine o'clock.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- Nine o'clock in the morning?- Yes. - Right, nine o'clock.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Righty oh, see you later, Mrs Brown.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Don't let the door hit you on the arse on the way out, son.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00- Well, Superson, would you like a cup of Supertea?- Love one, ma.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Well, I'll get it for you.
0:10:09 > 0:10:114.50, please, Rory.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Mr Foley, look over my shoulder and tell me
0:10:14 > 0:10:16if Dino and Barbara are staring at me.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Big-time. 4.50, please.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30- Bridget McConinghan.- What about her?
0:10:30 > 0:10:36- The big C.- No she's not.- What?
0:10:36 > 0:10:40- She's not a "see you next Tuesday." - No, she has the big C.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42After 12 kids, Agnes?
0:10:48 > 0:10:54- The big C, she has cancer.- Who has? - Bridget McConinghan.- As well?
0:10:56 > 0:10:57That's unlucky.
0:10:59 > 0:11:05Winnie, you know sometimes it's like talking to a feckin' revolving door.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Luckily, she has the kind they can cure. She got a big fright though.
0:11:08 > 0:11:09I'll bet.
0:11:09 > 0:11:14- Do you check yourself, Agnes? - Every time I have a bath.- I don't.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17I should, but... What do you look for?
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Lumps, bumps, any irregularity at all, get it checked by the doctor.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24Doesn't matter if it turns out to be nothing, get it feckin' checked.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27I suppose. I'm ready for another drink.
0:11:27 > 0:11:33- That's funny, so am I.- Fine, then.
0:11:39 > 0:11:46Betty. Betty, take a look at me now, take a good look. Am I fat?
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Well, you could lose a few pounds.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55Well, you no fucking Twiggy yourself,
0:11:55 > 0:11:57with your big hippo arse on you.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00- Mammy, what Betty is trying to say...- She said I'm fat.
0:12:00 > 0:12:05Well, yes, Mammy, you are. Well, not fat, but certainly overweight.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08Come on, gang up on fat mammy.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12- What's up?- Betty, she says I'm fat.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Mrs Brown, everybody puts on a few pounds, now and then.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Sure, Cathy will tell you.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23Well, not everybody, but, yeah, Betty's right.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27Mammy, maybe you just need to diet a bit to get back in shape?
0:12:28 > 0:12:30But Mammy was always that shape.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Maybe that was because Mammy delivered
0:12:33 > 0:12:34a big fucking lump like you?
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Dermot, get lost, will you?
0:12:37 > 0:12:42Yes, Dermot, shag off. Go find yourself a phone box.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Since I had Bono, I've been struggling to lose weight.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Yeah, she has.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52- Well, not that much.- Well, no, that's because you worked it.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Exactly. I'm on a diet, if you like I'll give you a copy of it?
0:12:55 > 0:12:59- Come on, Ma, you have nothing to lose.- Except a few pounds.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Feck it, I'll try the diet.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04I'll try it, even though I see what it did to your skin.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29TELEVISION AUDIBLE
0:13:32 > 0:13:36- Is she here?- Who?- Cathy. - No.- Thank God.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Three days on this diet, it's feckin' killing me.
0:13:42 > 0:13:47Oh, Rory, oh, these are gorgeous.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53- Hiya, Mammy.- Hello, love. - I smell chips.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Ah, Rory, that's very unfair, bringing chips home,
0:13:57 > 0:14:00when you know Mammy's on a diet.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Yes, Rory, how could you be so inconsiderate?!
0:14:03 > 0:14:07You feckin' bastard, me trying to lose a few... I'm so sorry.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09You know what she's feckin' like.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Here, I wouldn't hurt you for the world, love.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- Tea?- You bastard! You dirty...
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Two sugars. I'm trying to diet...
0:14:18 > 0:14:20I'm sorry, Rory. I'm so sorry.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24Have some yourself. Go on, help yourself. I'm sorry.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Would you like some cottage cheese, Mammy?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30No, I'm stuffed with all that feckin' lettuce and cucumber.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33- I'm home, Mammy.- That's good, love.
0:14:33 > 0:14:34Well, hello there, Rory.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36- Hiya, Dermot.- Are you all right?
0:14:36 > 0:14:39I'm sorry, Dermot, I'm miles away.
0:14:39 > 0:14:44- Now, son, there's a drop of tea for you.- Thanks, Ma.
0:14:44 > 0:14:49- Rory, love, do you want a drop of tea?- No, thanks, Mammy.- Fine.
0:14:49 > 0:14:54Dermot, I'm doing a bit of dinner for Rory, you're welcome to join us.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58- What is it? - Filet de poisson en croute.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02- What's that?- Fuckin' fish fingers.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03No, Ma, I'd better not.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Maria's off at eight, we're going to her mammy's house for dinner later.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09I'm just saying, if you want to join us there's plenty.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12- Thanks, Ma.- You're welcome. - Hiya, Dermot.- Hiya, Cathy.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Dermot, I'm going out to do my outside windows.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17If I'm not back in 15 minutes, come and get me.
0:15:17 > 0:15:18You know what I'm like,
0:15:18 > 0:15:21I'll probably be feckin' five houses away.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23OK, Ma.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27So, what is it? What's up?
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Dermot, I hate being the manager.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33Dino's not talking to me and all the other stylists are ganging up on me.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Can't be easy, I suppose.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40CRASH
0:15:53 > 0:15:55And now there's this!
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Dermot, what do you think they are?
0:16:02 > 0:16:05LSD! Jesus, Rory, you're not taking acid, are you?
0:16:05 > 0:16:08No, I'm not. I found them in work.
0:16:08 > 0:16:09So who owns them?
0:16:09 > 0:16:13I don't know. But as the manager, I have to find out.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17- What's them? Who owns them?- Rory.
0:16:17 > 0:16:18They're mine, Mammy.
0:16:18 > 0:16:23- What are they for?- Erm... They're something I got for...
0:16:23 > 0:16:25- heartburn.- You'd better take some before your fish fingers.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29No, no, no, Mammy, I haven't got heartburn now. I'll take them later.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32- I'll put them away safe. - No, Mammy, I'll keep them safe.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Rory, you've a head like a feckin' sieve,
0:16:34 > 0:16:36you'll forget where you put them.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39And with my grandson in and out of the house, I want them safe.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41I'll put them away, there's no problem.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43If you want one just ask. Ha!
0:16:48 > 0:16:50I am not hungry.
0:16:50 > 0:16:51I am not hungry.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53I'm not hungry!
0:16:53 > 0:16:55I wasn't hungry yesterday, I'm not hungry today
0:16:55 > 0:16:57and I won't be hungry tomorrow.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58I am not feckin' hungry!
0:16:58 > 0:17:01- Hiya, Ma.- I'm fuckin' starving!
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Had a lovely meal at Maria's mother's house last night.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06That's nice.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09I never had pale grape sauce before.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13She drizzled it over two pork chops and served it with creamed spinach!
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Mammy, are you licking my hand?
0:17:22 > 0:17:23Sorry.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26KNOCK AT DOOR Here's Robin.
0:17:26 > 0:17:27It's open, Buster.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34- What the hell?!- Right then!
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Let's go riding through the glen.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40What do you think, Mrs Brown? Do I look like the real Robin?
0:17:40 > 0:17:43- No, you look like a real thrush. - A thrush, why?
0:17:43 > 0:17:45- You look like an irritating c... - Mammy!
0:17:47 > 0:17:50- Got to go, Mammy. - Will I see you for dinner?
0:17:50 > 0:17:53No, Ma, I'm meeting Maria later and taking her for a Chinese.
0:17:53 > 0:17:54Feckin' Chinese!
0:17:56 > 0:17:57And you, you gobshite, Buster,
0:17:57 > 0:17:59come on, I'll get you a proper costume.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Right, let's go, kemo sabe!
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Still wrong!
0:18:07 > 0:18:09AGNES CRIES
0:18:09 > 0:18:12- Are you all right, Agnes? - No, Winnie, I think I'm anorexic!
0:18:14 > 0:18:19- What?- Ten days, TEN DAYS, I've been on this diet!
0:18:19 > 0:18:22- And have you lost anything? - Yes, ten feckin' days!
0:18:22 > 0:18:27- How do you feel, pet?- I'm starving. - Well, did you weigh yourself today?
0:18:27 > 0:18:30- The scales is broken.- Agnes, everyone on a diet thinks that.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33No, really, I threw them out the bathroom window yesterday.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37- Morning, Mammy.- Hello, love. I'll get you a cup of tea.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41- No, I'll get it meself.- No, I was going to lick out the oven anyway.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45- Cathy, I can't do this diet. - Yes, you can.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48I can't, I'm after eating a whole packet of them Ryvita crackers.
0:18:48 > 0:18:49And then I ate the wrapper!
0:18:51 > 0:18:55- And the wrapper was the feckin' nicest part.- Now, now.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58And you seen that stuff, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter?
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- Yeah.- It's not fuckin' butter!
0:19:03 > 0:19:07Ah, now, Mammy, you're doing fantastic.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10I'm doing steamed cod's roll for dinner tonight.
0:19:10 > 0:19:15Oh, I won't be here. I meant to tell you, I'm going for dinner with Thomas. Professor Clowne.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18That's longer than we all expected it to last, Cathy.
0:19:18 > 0:19:19It's just a date, Mammy.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Actually, I think he's only dating me to get to you.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Likes fat women, does he?
0:19:28 > 0:19:30I'm sorry, Winnie?
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Nothing... Nothing.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36He's determined to interview you for his book.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38Well, he can be all the determined he likes,
0:19:38 > 0:19:42he's not interviewing me unless he pays me - in chocolate.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Mammy, you're making too big a thing of this diet
0:19:46 > 0:19:48and you haven't got that much longer to go.
0:19:48 > 0:19:49Really, how long?
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Six weeks. And I'll be watching you every step of the way.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Six feckin' weeks!
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Cathy, in six weeks I'll have eaten Winnie!
0:19:57 > 0:19:59I have to go.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02I'll see you later, Agnes.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04In about seven weeks.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Bring food!
0:20:13 > 0:20:16If that's you, Winnie, I'm in the sitting room.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20Is it safe to come in or will you lick me to death?
0:20:20 > 0:20:22- So, how's the diet going?- It's gone.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26I had four doughnuts before you walked in the door.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30- Well, that could kill you, Agnes. - I don't give a shite, I won't be carrying the coffin.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36So Cathy is dating your man Clowne?
0:20:36 > 0:20:41So it seems. Well, dating, but not... Not...
0:20:41 > 0:20:45- Are you all right, love?- Just cramp. - That could be them doughnuts, Agnes.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Thanks for the sympathy, I feel much better.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49- Really?!- No.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Go on.
0:20:51 > 0:20:56He's not what you call a boyfriend, he's more... Oh, Jesus.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00- Oh, Agnes.- You've got nothing for indigestion, have you? - No, but I can go back to the house.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04- I can go back to the house and check for you, love. - No, you're all right, I'll be fine.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07She said that... Wait a minute.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10- Rory had stuff for heartburn. - Oh, great.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12What did I feckin' do with it?
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Ha-ha-ha! I have it!
0:21:19 > 0:21:20These are very small.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Well, take two, Agnes.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Oh, Jesus, they taste like shit.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32Oh, God, I think I'd rather have indigestion.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34You'll be better in a flash. Now, go on.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Well, she was saying that he's not really....
0:21:37 > 0:21:40She's dating him, but there's nothing serious, so...
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Hmm-hmm!
0:21:49 > 0:21:51She's not... She...
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Whoo!
0:21:55 > 0:21:57She's...
0:21:59 > 0:22:00Ha-ha-ha!
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Who owns that feckin' horse?!
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Hello, horsey!
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Nice horsey!
0:22:16 > 0:22:19- Hello, horsey! - SHE CACKLES
0:22:27 > 0:22:28Where was I?
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Well, he's not what you call a boyfriend.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32What do you call a boyfriend?
0:22:32 > 0:22:35John, I suppose, is that his name?
0:22:35 > 0:22:37You can him John-John-John...
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Don't look, don't look at him!
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Fuckin' Spider-Man!
0:22:54 > 0:22:55Jesus.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Winnie, where are you?!
0:23:06 > 0:23:07I'm here!
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Don't fuckin' sneak up on me!
0:23:11 > 0:23:13He's... He...
0:23:13 > 0:23:17He has his site on the World Wide Web...
0:23:17 > 0:23:18The web?!
0:23:18 > 0:23:21On the web. The web! Feckin' web.
0:23:21 > 0:23:26- Where is it?- Winnie, do you know what I saw on the internet?- What?
0:23:26 > 0:23:28Do you know what I saw on the...
0:23:39 > 0:23:42- Do you know what I saw on the internet?- No.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44On the internet they said
0:23:44 > 0:23:47that if you get everybody in the whole world who works in McDonalds
0:23:47 > 0:23:48to hold hands,
0:23:48 > 0:23:51you have to get your own burger.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Burgers?!
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Do you want chips with that, dear?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Agnes, what's wrong with you, love?
0:24:03 > 0:24:06- Agnes?- Will you stop feckin' sneaking up on me!
0:24:08 > 0:24:09I'm feckin' starving.
0:24:09 > 0:24:10Let me get you something to eat.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14- No, it's all right, Winnie, I'll take a bite of the chair.- Agnes!
0:24:14 > 0:24:15Come on. You're going to bed, love.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18Come on, you're not well. Come on.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20- No, we can't go upstairs.- Why?
0:24:20 > 0:24:23- We can't go past the fuckin' horse! - Oh, Agnes, come here.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Come on, up you go. Up you go. That's it.
0:24:29 > 0:24:30- Winnie!- What?
0:24:30 > 0:24:32- I fucking love you.- Oh, feck off!
0:24:39 > 0:24:42Oh, we've the place to ourselves. Sit down.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44I'd love to see those notes.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48- I was hoping your mother would be here.- Yeah, what a shame(!)- Cathy.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51- Winnie.- It's your mammy, love, she's not well.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55Now, I put her to bed, but you need to check on her later, love, OK?
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Thanks, Winnie, I'll walk you out.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Well, there you go then, we won't be seeing Mammy tonight.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Has she mentioned if she'll let me study her at all?
0:25:22 > 0:25:24- No.- Oh, well.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Professor...
0:25:40 > 0:25:43Cathy, you can drop the "Professor", unless, of course, we're in college.
0:25:50 > 0:25:55Thomas, Mammy's not as fascinating as you think she is.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57At the end of the day,
0:25:57 > 0:26:00she's really just an ordinary mother.
0:26:17 > 0:26:22To fight injustice, wherever it may be!
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Look out, Crime, here I come!
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Morning, Super Mammy!
0:27:05 > 0:27:07Shut up, Rory.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10I feel like you're walking on my eyeballs.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12HE LAUGHS
0:27:14 > 0:27:15You sound happy.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17I am. I spoke to the boss
0:27:17 > 0:27:21and he's going to have me and Dino as joint managers.
0:27:21 > 0:27:22That's nice.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25- Well, I hope you're proud of yourself.- Stop, Cathy, please.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27I'm sorry, OK?
0:27:27 > 0:27:30I suppose he never wants to see you again.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34On the contrary, he was delighted with your "performance".
0:27:34 > 0:27:38I am seeing him again, and you ARE going to help with his book.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40- No, I don't want...- Mammy!
0:27:40 > 0:27:41Fine.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44Tea, Cathy?
0:27:44 > 0:27:45Oh, thanks, Rory.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Oh, no, we're short of milk.
0:27:47 > 0:27:51Mammy, would you fly down to the shops and get some?
0:27:51 > 0:27:54CATHY HOWLS WITH LAUGHTER
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Well, that's the story this week.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08You know, families can be...
0:28:08 > 0:28:10They can be, you know...
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Good night.
0:28:14 > 0:28:15# Say hello
0:28:15 > 0:28:20# To the Queen of Dublin town
0:28:20 > 0:28:22# As the best mum of all
0:28:22 > 0:28:26# She wears the crown
0:28:26 > 0:28:28# Mother hen watching all her chicks
0:28:28 > 0:28:32# Sassy old lady full of tricks
0:28:32 > 0:28:38# It's a safe bet She'd never let life get her down
0:28:38 > 0:28:40# She's Mrs Brown
0:28:40 > 0:28:43# That's Mrs Brown
0:28:43 > 0:28:46# Oh, Mrs Brown. #
0:28:46 > 0:28:48Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:48 > 0:28:51E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk