0:00:01 > 0:00:04This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:10 > 0:00:11SHE LAUGHS
0:00:11 > 0:00:15'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys.'
0:00:15 > 0:00:18- # She's Mrs Brown - Agnes
0:00:18 > 0:00:21- # That's Mrs Brown - Agnes
0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Oh, Mrs Brown. #
0:00:28 > 0:00:31I don't know what's wrong with you, dog.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33DOG WHINES This is good-quality food.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36There's dogs all over the world who'd be delighted with this.
0:00:36 > 0:00:37Spartacus still not eating?
0:00:37 > 0:00:39- Not a bit.- Sugar.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42- What? - Sprinkle a bit of sugar over it.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46- It'll entice the dog to eat. I read it somewhere.- Oh.
0:00:46 > 0:00:47Spartacus.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48Now look, sugar!
0:00:48 > 0:00:50DOG WHINES
0:00:50 > 0:00:52- Pretend to eat it, Agnes.- What?
0:00:52 > 0:00:55If you pretend to eat it, the dog will get jealous.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Very protective of their dinners, dogs are.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Spartacus, I'm going to eat this now, look.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Agnes, like a dog! Here, put it on the floor and I'll show you.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Here, Spartacus. Come on, darling.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13- Look what I have! - Come on, Spartacus.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15- Num, num, num, num.- Look, look!
0:01:15 > 0:01:17- No, Winnie, no.- What? - Winnie, no, no.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18She goes in sideways. Like this.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22Come on, Spartacus, pet, come on.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25- Come on, Spartacus!- Num, num, num. - Oh, this is lovely.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Oh, yes, Spartacus. Come on, darling.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Come on, Spartacus, come on! Come on.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35- Your dinner's gone. It's gone! - Num, num, num, num!
0:01:36 > 0:01:37Mammy!
0:01:42 > 0:01:48- When you're finished your breakfast, Professor Clowne would like to ask you some questions.- I'm off.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52- Would you like a cup of tea? - That depends.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56Will you answer the questions the professor wants to ask you for his book?
0:01:56 > 0:01:59- As long as it doesn't take too long. - Thank you, Mrs Brown.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01- I didn't say you could fuckin' move in.- Mammy!
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Oh, now, what's that?
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Just a computer to record the interview.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09Oh, well, you see, there. There's the difference in the generations already.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12In my day, the only web we saw was one with a spider in it.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15And if a man had a 3.5-inch floppy, he kept it to himself.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21If it takes all this equipment, would we be better doing it another night?
0:02:21 > 0:02:24It is cumbersome. I could come back later in the week if you like.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Wednesday night, that suit?
0:02:26 > 0:02:29- Yes, that'd be fine. Just not now. - I'll walk you out to your car.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Wednesday night. Something to look forward to, Mrs Brown.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Oh, I'll be waiting with bated breath(!)
0:02:36 > 0:02:38FRONT DOOR SHUTS
0:02:38 > 0:02:42Hello. You just missed Cathy with the professor.
0:02:42 > 0:02:47There's something not right about him. I don't know what it is.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50My father used to say, "If it grunts like a pig and walks like a pig,
0:02:50 > 0:02:52"it's probably your mother."
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Mammy, is me blouse on the clothes line?
0:02:54 > 0:02:57No, why? Do you need it for tonight?
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Are you going on a date with Clown the shrink?
0:03:00 > 0:03:02His name is Clowne, Mammy!
0:03:02 > 0:03:06Thomas Clowne, not CLOWN. And he's not a shrink, he's a psychiatrist.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07He's a fuckin' clown.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Well, I find him interesting.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15I find Mexican food interesting, but I wouldn't take me clothes off for it.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19I'm telling you, there's something weird.
0:03:19 > 0:03:24I can't put me finger on it, but if I did, I'd have to wash me feckin' hands.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26DOG WHINES
0:03:26 > 0:03:29It's OK, girl. Take it easy.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Here's Donatella!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Mammy, Spartacus looks a bit sluggish.
0:03:36 > 0:03:40- I know. she caught something wild and ate it.- Must have.
0:03:40 > 0:03:45- I'll get her to the Blue Cross vet during the week.- I'll take her tomorrow.- Good boy.
0:03:45 > 0:03:46Look at you.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49I say, that brings back memories.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53- What?- Do you not remember your turtle? Zip?
0:03:53 > 0:03:57Oh, God, yeah! Zip! I forgot about him.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Old Spartacus didn't like him.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02She did, more than you think.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06I remember now. Daddy gave him to a farmer.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12Well, not exactly. Spartacus killed it.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15We used the shell for an ashtray.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Shit happens, son!
0:04:20 > 0:04:22That looks big and bulky.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24It is. Last day, thank God.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Tomorrow I'm promoting Star Trek.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31Oh, it will be nice to see you coming out of your shell! SHE CHUCKLES
0:04:33 > 0:04:37God, I remember the day Daddy brought her home.
0:04:37 > 0:04:38She was just a little puppy.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Well, she's not a puppy any more.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43I picked her name, you know. Spartacus.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46That's right.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50Here, Spartacus! Good girl, Spartacus!
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Yeah, Rory. we get the point.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56That was 15 years ago. She's old and tired now.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59She can barely bark any more.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- SCOTTISH ACCENT:- She just cannae take any more, Captain!
0:05:05 > 0:05:09But putting her down, God, that feels like murder.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13- # There was a young sailor... # - Psst! Watch it!
0:05:13 > 0:05:15# Who sat on the dock
0:05:15 > 0:05:20# Shaking and waving his big hairy fist... #
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Cathy, I rinsed out your blouse.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Thanks, Mammy.
0:05:28 > 0:05:33# He had a nice boyfriend and he liked to hunt
0:05:35 > 0:05:38# He sat by the river...
0:05:38 > 0:05:41# Eating the sandwiches... #
0:05:43 > 0:05:45I'm going to hang it on the line now.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57Right, she's gone. Now, the big question. Who's going to tell Mammy?
0:05:57 > 0:05:59- Well, not me.- Not me.- Not me.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02- Not me.- Well, not me.- Not me!
0:06:02 > 0:06:04She loves that dog.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06I'll kill that fuckin' dog.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Mammy needs to be told.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16No, not me.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Come on, Mark, you know you're the best at talking to her.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21- BOTH: Yeah. - Aye.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23OK, I'll do it.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Poor Mammy, she'll be very upset.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Is there not a home we could put her into?
0:06:33 > 0:06:37Then she could spend her last days with other old bitches.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43Well, I could ring around and check out a good home.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45But we have to do something, and soon.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Maria's right. She's getting worse. I'm afraid to let her go near Bono.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53She keeps trying to lick him.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59I was watching her in the back garden last week.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01she was just pissing as she walked along.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06And the worst thing was she didn't even know it.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21Look, she doesn't know where she is half the time.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23I think her mind has gone.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Right, then, it's agreed, she has to go.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32I'll tell her, but not yet. Give her a week or so.
0:07:32 > 0:07:33ALL: Yeah.
0:07:41 > 0:07:42Are you OK, Mammy?
0:07:42 > 0:07:45I never felt better in me fuckin' life!
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Right. What about the other thing? The birthday surprise.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Shh! Will you shut up, Rory? He's going to give it away!
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Rory, the party is a secret. If I hear you let it out, I'll kill you.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- I'm only asking where we are on it. - Well, I'll talk to Winnie
0:08:00 > 0:08:03and make sure she has everybody down at Foley's for about 9pm.
0:08:03 > 0:08:08- But we do the surprise thing here, right?- Right. But in the meantime, nobody mention her birthday.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- We'll all pretend we forgot it. - THEY ALL LAUGH
0:08:11 > 0:08:16- Oh, I have to go apartment hunting with Dino.- I hope you have better luck than me and Maria.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19- I'm sure they will. At least they're looking.- It's not easy.
0:08:19 > 0:08:24The ones we like, we can't afford and all the rest of them are dumps.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28Still, it's great fun poking around in other people's places.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Does Mammy know you're moving out yet?
0:08:30 > 0:08:34Nah, I won't say anything until we have a place.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Well, be prepared. She'll not be happy.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40- I know. I'm not looking forward to telling her.- Would you like me to tell her?- Would you?
0:08:40 > 0:08:42No.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Right. I'm off for me jog!
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Oh, Jesus.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Have you gone completely mad, Agnes Brown?
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- Waa...- What?
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Waa...
0:09:17 > 0:09:18Waa...?
0:09:18 > 0:09:21- Waaaaaa.- Water!- Yeah.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Get inside. I'll get you water, love.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Waa...
0:09:25 > 0:09:30Oh, Winnie, I passed Mrs O'Brien on the way out.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32She said, "Hello, Mr McEnroe."
0:09:35 > 0:09:37She's on feckin' drugs!
0:09:38 > 0:09:42Here. Drink that, and I'll get you some tea.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Winnie, me life flashed before me eyes.
0:09:45 > 0:09:46What were you doing, Agnes?
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Laps. Laps of the house.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52You'll kill yourself, you will. How many did you do?
0:09:52 > 0:09:54One.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57You've gone mad, Agnes!
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Winnie, they're watching everything I do.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02The professor's writing things down.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06I have to prove that I'm mentally and physically fit.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Oh, I don't know, Agnes. Here, I'll get you that tea.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11I'm grand.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Well, I'll check in and see you later, all right?
0:10:13 > 0:10:16- OK.- Put that telly on, love. Where's the remote, pet?
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- See if it is down the arm of the chair.- OK.
0:10:21 > 0:10:22Ah, no!
0:10:22 > 0:10:24No, you have to go under it. Go under it.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Yeah, I have it, but... Ah, shite!
0:10:27 > 0:10:29- Did you drop it?- No, me arm is stuck!
0:10:32 > 0:10:34- Hold on, hold on. On three!- OK.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38One, two, three.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40One, two, three.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44- One, two, three!- Mammy!
0:10:53 > 0:10:57Right, that's me warmed up for me jog!
0:10:58 > 0:11:00But, Mammy, the interview...
0:11:00 > 0:11:01I'm too busy!
0:11:05 > 0:11:08AGNES SNIFFS
0:11:08 > 0:11:12- Winnie?- Mmm-hmm. - Can you smell methylated spirits?
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Jesus, Agnes, I can barely spell me name.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25I'm exhausted from that jogging today.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Well, you're no Paula Radcliffe.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Huh! You should talk. I've seen you run.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34It's like watching a blind ferret in a minefield.
0:11:34 > 0:11:39- Winnie, get us another drink, will you? I can't get up. If I do, me arse will fall off.- Right.
0:11:39 > 0:11:43Look, Cathy, there's Winnie going to the bar. Now's your chance to nab her on her own.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47- You're right.- Rory, with your mother there on her own,
0:11:47 > 0:11:52it might be a good idea to tell her we're getting an apartment together.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55- Do you want me to tell her? - ALL: No!
0:11:55 > 0:11:57All right, here goes.
0:11:57 > 0:12:01- Good luck.- He'll need it. - He's so brave!
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- All right, son?- Mammy, while I have you on your own, can I talk to you?
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Sure. Sit down. What is it?
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Mammy, I've been thinking...
0:12:14 > 0:12:17What's seldom is wonderful.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Mammy, do you not think the house is a bit crowded?
0:12:23 > 0:12:24So it's you.
0:12:25 > 0:12:29- I thought it was going to be Mark. - What?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Winnie, did anyone tell you about the party?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34No! What party?
0:12:34 > 0:12:37We're organising a surprise party for Mammy's birthday next week.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40She'll be thrilled. Anything I can do to help?
0:12:40 > 0:12:45Actually, there is. Can you arrange for all her friends from the bingo to be down here for about 9pm?
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- I can.- We're going to surprise her at home, then have the party here.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52Well, you leave everything to me, Cathy, I'll have everybody there.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- Ah, thanks, Winnie. And, listen, not a word!- Oh.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58AGNES SNIFFS
0:12:58 > 0:12:59No, Rory...
0:13:02 > 0:13:04No!
0:13:04 > 0:13:06I don't think the house is crowded.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09I like the house exactly the way it is, thank you.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11No, I'm putting it wrong.
0:13:11 > 0:13:15Mammy, do you not think that no matter how comfortable you are at home
0:13:15 > 0:13:17the time comes to...leave?
0:13:18 > 0:13:19No!
0:13:21 > 0:13:26- Go somewhere new?- No! - Ah, Mammy, everybody else is gone.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29I don't care what everybody else is doing. I like me house exactly the way it is.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33If it doesn't suit you, you can fuckin' move out.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Well, how did it go?
0:13:38 > 0:13:42I'm not sure. At first, she wouldn't let me leave,
0:13:42 > 0:13:44then I think she threw me out!
0:13:47 > 0:13:49What was all that about?
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- They're definitely putting me in a home!- Who is?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54- The family.- Ah, no, they're not.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57They are, Winnie. I hear them talking about it,
0:13:57 > 0:13:59and they're whispering.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03- TEARFULLY: They think I don't see them, but I do. - That'll be about the parrr...
0:14:06 > 0:14:07What?
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Nothing. You're imagining it.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm losing me marbles.
0:14:13 > 0:14:18- The psychiatrist!- What? - Cathy's boyfriend, the psychiatrist.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21He's not interviewing me for a book, he's testing me for the home!
0:14:21 > 0:14:25- Hold on, Agnes... - Well, I'll tell you now, Winnie,
0:14:25 > 0:14:27they'll have to drag me out of that house screaming.
0:14:27 > 0:14:32And I'm taking every strip of fuckin' wallpaper with me.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Well, now, here's the man that God forgot.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39How are you, Grandad? Were you out for your evening walk?
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- Just up the graveyard. - Oh, who's dead?
0:14:42 > 0:14:45The whole feckin' lot of them!
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Hello, son!
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Can I sit for a second?
0:14:56 > 0:14:58- Is there something wrong?- No, Ma.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01I just wanted to ask you not to make any plans for Friday night.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08- Friday night?- We're all going to be here for a family meeting.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Family meeting, is it? SPARTACUS WHINES
0:15:11 > 0:15:13We need to discuss something.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15- Do we?- Make a decision.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17I see.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20- Then we're going to take you somewhere.- Oh!
0:15:22 > 0:15:23Are youse?
0:15:23 > 0:15:26- Yeah, but it's somewhere nice. - Is it now?
0:15:26 > 0:15:28SHE SOBS
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- Mark, are youse all together on this? - Yes, Ma. Every one of us.
0:15:33 > 0:15:38Well, you won't take me without a fight, you bastards!
0:15:38 > 0:15:40What? Mammy, let me explain.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43No! I'm going out to feed the dog.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45SPARTACUS WHINES
0:15:45 > 0:15:46I'm going, Ma.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Hiya, Mark.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53- Sit down. Where's Mammy? - Out the back feeding Spartacus.
0:15:53 > 0:15:58- Did you tell her about putting the dog in a home? - I prepared her. Kind of.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02She's in a very weird mood. I'm going. See ya.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Mammy, Thomas is here!
0:16:04 > 0:16:05Oh, for feck's sake!
0:16:07 > 0:16:08That's nice(!)
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Are you sure you want to do this, Thomas?
0:16:17 > 0:16:21I've tried working with my mother before and she makes YOU feel like the patient.
0:16:21 > 0:16:26- With respect, Cathy, I have a lot more experience of these matters than you have.- OK.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Thomas.
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Hello, Mrs Brown.
0:16:32 > 0:16:33Hello, Dr Zhivago.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39Mrs Brown, I hope you're ready to answer those few questions
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Cathy was telling you about. It's research for my book.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Yeah, research(!) For a book(!)
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Oh, yeah(!)
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Interview with Mrs Agnes Brown.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Female subject aged...?
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Over 21.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00- Do you mind if I stay? - Sorry, what did you say?
0:17:00 > 0:17:03DO YOU MIND IF SHE STAYS? MIC FEEDBACK SCREECHES
0:17:06 > 0:17:08No, Cathy, you sit there.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Now, Mrs Brown,
0:17:10 > 0:17:15could you pick one obvious difference between your mother and yourself?
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Yes, I could.
0:17:20 > 0:17:21Over.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Right. And what would it be?
0:17:27 > 0:17:30My mother is dead.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33I am not.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Over.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41No, Mrs Brown, I'm looking for an opinion.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43In my opinion...
0:17:45 > 0:17:46..my mother is dead.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50We fuckin' buried her.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Over.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Three out of three.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Mrs Brown, let me explain.
0:18:03 > 0:18:08I'm trying to compare things from your mother's time with your time.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11- Mammy, Thomas wants...- Ah, Cathy!
0:18:12 > 0:18:13Please...
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Excuse me.
0:18:18 > 0:18:23Now, Mrs Brown, I want you to cast your mind back to your mother's day.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26- Mother's Day?- Yes.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30The 29th of March.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34- What?- That was Mother's Day.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38- HE CHUCKLES - No, Mrs Brown, your MOTHER'S day.
0:18:38 > 0:18:42That was everybody's Mother's Day. Or did you not have a mother?
0:18:42 > 0:18:44- Of course I had a mother. - And did you love her?
0:18:44 > 0:18:48- Course I loved her.- Then why didn't you remember on Mother's Day?
0:18:50 > 0:18:52- TEARFULLY:- Well, I did.
0:18:52 > 0:18:53She was always so busy.
0:18:55 > 0:19:00All those friends of hers. That social circle.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03She never had any time for me, you know.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06Me!
0:19:06 > 0:19:09Her little boy!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11HE SOBS
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- Thomas, are you all right? - Are you fuckin' blind?
0:19:16 > 0:19:18AGNES MOUTHS
0:19:18 > 0:19:20- SHE MOUTHS:- Stop it!
0:19:22 > 0:19:24I'm sorry.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Oh, dear.
0:19:28 > 0:19:29How unprofessional.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Oh, not at all, son. Don't be worried. These things happen.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35- (I'm not fuckin' doing it. He's mad.) - (Mammy!)
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Now, Mrs Brown, where were we?
0:19:44 > 0:19:48You were saying that your mother didn't like you.
0:19:48 > 0:19:49HE SOBS
0:19:52 > 0:19:55MOUTHS: He's fuckin' mad.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59So...how is he?
0:19:59 > 0:20:00I put him in a taxi.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03I can see the headlines in the morning -
0:20:03 > 0:20:05"Taxi man fuckin' hangs himself."
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Mammy!
0:20:10 > 0:20:11He was very upset.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Well, you can't blame him.
0:20:13 > 0:20:18It's hard enough driving a taxi around Dublin without picking up lunatics as well.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21Not the taxi driver, Mammy, Thomas.
0:20:21 > 0:20:22Thomas was upset!
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Oh. Well, maybe he's not.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Maybe he's relieved now that he's said that. Out, you know.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32Now he realises that he's, you know...mad.
0:20:34 > 0:20:38Mammy, maybe you're right. Maybe he does feel better for getting that out.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42- You can't move forward while you're looking backwards.- You're right. - I know it.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Have you ever thought about becoming a counsellor?
0:20:44 > 0:20:48Oh, don't be ridiculous, Cathy, I'd never get elected.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54No, Mammy, a counsellor - I mean listening to people's problems
0:20:54 > 0:20:57and helping them find the answers. That's what a counsellor does.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01That's funny, that's what a mother does too.
0:21:01 > 0:21:02Except we don't get paid.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04I suppose.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06SHE LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Mammy...
0:21:09 > 0:21:10did Mark talk to you about the home?
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Yes, he did.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19I'm sorry, Mammy. Are you upset?
0:21:23 > 0:21:26No, no, I'm fuckin' delighted(!)
0:21:31 > 0:21:32What do you think?!
0:21:34 > 0:21:35It is for the best.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Oh!
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Et tu, Brutus! That's right,
0:21:39 > 0:21:41stab me in the back,
0:21:41 > 0:21:43just like Brutus did to...Popeye!
0:21:47 > 0:21:51Mammy, it really is for the best. It's a lovely home.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54- AGNES SOBS - It's clean, and there's lots of fields,
0:21:54 > 0:21:56and plenty of space to run around.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Am I Red Rum all of a sudden?!
0:22:06 > 0:22:10Mammy, the people running this place are so dedicated.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12TEARFULLY: I don't care!
0:22:12 > 0:22:15They go around all day with smiles on their faces
0:22:15 > 0:22:18picking up shit with their little scoops.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26SHE SOBS VIOLENTLY
0:22:28 > 0:22:31- Look, Mammy, I'm sorry you're upset.- Upset...?
0:22:31 > 0:22:33It is for the best. Now good night!
0:22:33 > 0:22:36AGNES JABBERS
0:22:36 > 0:22:38SHE JABBERS
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Shit scoopers?!
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- Are youse ready?- Yeah, will you come on? I'm in here ages.
0:22:56 > 0:22:57Shut up, Buster.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05- Are youse ready?- ALL: Yeah!
0:23:08 > 0:23:10BOTH: Ready!
0:23:14 > 0:23:15Ma, are you right?
0:23:25 > 0:23:27What's the suitcase for?
0:23:27 > 0:23:31They're my curtains. I'll take them if I want them.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33So are you ready?
0:23:33 > 0:23:34OK. Let's go.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35Now!
0:23:35 > 0:23:40ALL: Surprise! Happy Birthday!
0:23:40 > 0:23:44- This is it? This is the surprise? - Yeah. Are you delighted?
0:23:44 > 0:23:47You've no idea how fuckin' delighted I am.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51I thought you were going to put me in a home!
0:23:51 > 0:23:54- A home?- Yes! - Why would we do that?
0:23:54 > 0:23:56It's in the script.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Ma, we'd be all lost without you.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05I suppose.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09Oh, no, Mammy, you heard us talking about putting Spartacus in a home.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13- Spartacus?- Now, come on, Ma, they're all waiting down at Foleys for you.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16- Let's get this party started. - ALL: Woo-hoo!
0:24:16 > 0:24:17- # Oh, when the saints - Oh, when the saints
0:24:17 > 0:24:19- # Go marching in - Go marching in
0:24:19 > 0:24:23# Oh, when the saints go marching in
0:24:23 > 0:24:26# I want to be in that number
0:24:26 > 0:24:28# Oh, when the saints... #
0:24:28 > 0:24:31BOTH MURMUR Are you right? Come on, you two.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34# Oh, when the saints... # Come on, like this - up!
0:24:34 > 0:24:35# Oh, when the saints... #
0:24:37 > 0:24:38What is it?
0:24:38 > 0:24:42You know I said we were talking about putting Spartacus in a home?
0:24:42 > 0:24:43Yes.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47- Well, we can't.- Why not?
0:24:47 > 0:24:51Ma, the vet said she was too sick to put her in a home.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Well, then we get another vet.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56No, Ma. We had to have her put her down.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59Dermot, the woman was only doing her job.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05You can't go around whacking professionals
0:25:05 > 0:25:09because you disagree with their feckin' diagnosis.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11I'm talking about the dog, Ma!
0:25:12 > 0:25:14I know you were.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17I was just trying to make light of it.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21I remember the day your father brought her home.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24She was just a little puppy. He was drunk.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27I went to give him a piece of my mind
0:25:27 > 0:25:31and he just stood there with a silly feckin' grin on his face
0:25:31 > 0:25:34and this little hairy thing in his hand.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41And the dog running around the feckin' place.
0:25:45 > 0:25:50I can't begin to tell you the marvellous summer evenings
0:25:50 > 0:25:55I had with Spartacus, walking along the canal.
0:25:55 > 0:25:59Me and your father, Spartacus running ahead of us.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Your father stopping to talk to everyone.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04I sat on the bank
0:26:04 > 0:26:07just there with Spartacus.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11I sat there sucking a Fisherman's Friend.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20It's nobody's fault.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24- Mammy, come on and we'll buy you... - Martyr!
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Sorry.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29Don't be like that, Mammy!
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Come on.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33We'll buy you that drink.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37- You go on, love. I want to get me cigarettes. I'll follow you down.- OK.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Dermot...
0:26:40 > 0:26:41Come here, son.
0:26:44 > 0:26:45Come here.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50It was her decision, wasn't it?
0:26:51 > 0:26:52Bitch.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58Dermot, son, I'm very sad.
0:27:00 > 0:27:04And you know what always cheers me up?
0:27:04 > 0:27:06When you do I'm A Little Teapot.
0:27:20 > 0:27:21Chicken!
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Oh.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Happy birthday to me.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Frightened the shite out of me, they did.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53Well, I won't be needing that any more.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01Go easy, go easy, go easy for feck's sake!
0:28:03 > 0:28:05Get down off the feckin' chair!
0:28:11 > 0:28:13FAINT BARKING
0:28:15 > 0:28:17Good luck, Spartacus.
0:28:29 > 0:28:35# Say hello to the queen of Dublin town
0:28:35 > 0:28:41# As the best mum of all She wears the crown
0:28:42 > 0:28:45# Mother hen watching all the chicks
0:28:45 > 0:28:47# Sassy old lady full of tricks
0:28:47 > 0:28:51# It's a safe bet she'd never let
0:28:51 > 0:28:54# Life get her down
0:28:54 > 0:28:57# She's Mrs Brown
0:28:57 > 0:28:59# That's Mrs Brown... #
0:28:59 > 0:29:01Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:29:01 > 0:29:04E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk