0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys.
0:00:14 > 0:00:18# She's Mrs Brown
0:00:18 > 0:00:21# That's Mrs Brown
0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Oh, Mrs Brown. #
0:00:24 > 0:00:26APPLAUSE
0:00:26 > 0:00:31PHONE RINGS
0:00:34 > 0:00:37PHONE CONTINUES RINGING
0:00:39 > 0:00:42CONTINUOUS TONE
0:00:42 > 0:00:43Ya bastard!
0:00:43 > 0:00:46HAMMERING
0:00:46 > 0:00:48- What do you want, Granddad? - Who was it?
0:00:48 > 0:00:51I don't know. It stopped before I got to it.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53- Was it for me? - I don't fuckin' know!
0:00:55 > 0:00:57What do you think I am, a psychopath?
0:01:00 > 0:01:03PHONE RINGS
0:01:07 > 0:01:09PHONE CONTINUES RINGING
0:01:09 > 0:01:10Hello?
0:01:10 > 0:01:13- CONTINUOUS TONE - Feck it!
0:01:13 > 0:01:15BANGING
0:01:15 > 0:01:17- What?- Who was it?
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Murphy's Funeral Home. They want to know what height you are.
0:01:32 > 0:01:33Right, I'm going...
0:01:35 > 0:01:37..out the back to hang out clothes.
0:01:39 > 0:01:40Goodbye now.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10They can fuck off.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16C'mon, Thomas, I'll put the kettle on.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Actually, there's no need to make tea.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21I just want to ask you something important.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23- In private... - Sit down, Thomas.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26What's so important that you needed to talk to me on my own?
0:02:26 > 0:02:29I want to ask you something. It's...rather a big thing.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33- Go on.- Well, I'm not getting any younger
0:02:33 > 0:02:36and, well, time comes for...change.
0:02:36 > 0:02:37I understand.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40PHONE RINGS
0:02:40 > 0:02:41Hello, Mrs Bro...
0:02:46 > 0:02:47Hello? How do you do?
0:02:48 > 0:02:50No, he's not here.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52OK, I'll tell him.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54You thought you'd fuckin' had me, didn't ya?
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Hello, love. Hello, Thomas.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Hello, Mrs Brown.
0:03:02 > 0:03:03Perhaps we should do this another time.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- But, Thomas...- No, no really. Another time.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13You spoilt it again.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Why do you have to embarrass me every time?
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Me embarrass you?
0:03:18 > 0:03:20How do you think I feel when the neighbours say,
0:03:20 > 0:03:24"Is that your daughter with Worzel fuckin' Gummidge?"
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Hello.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30Come into the kitchen.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37I don't know what's wrong with Cathy.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40She's besotted with this Thomas fella. Professor...
0:03:42 > 0:03:43..Clown.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48You know, you'd think if she had somebody that she likes,
0:03:48 > 0:03:50you know, she wouldn't be as jumpy as she is.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55I don't like him, not one feckin' bit.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57He's too into himself.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00You know, I can see him strolling down Lover's Lane,
0:04:00 > 0:04:02hand in hand with himself.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08Cathy needs to understand that...love is like snow.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13You know, you don't know if its going to stick.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16And you never know how many inches you're going to get.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Who's getting inches?
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Not yours truly anyway.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25- So how is everybody? - Ah, grand.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Cathy's still cavorting with ya man Professor Clown.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Well, at least Cathy does something about a boyfriend. My Sharon does...
0:04:31 > 0:04:33- Everybody!- ..nothing.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Nothing. That's what I meant, nothing, yeah.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40I often wonder, will she ever lose her virginity?
0:04:40 > 0:04:41I mean, she's such a...
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Bike.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45..shy girl.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Shy girl, that's what I meant. Yes. Shy, yeah.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Look, I don't know what's going on with Sharon's relationships
0:04:53 > 0:04:56but Cathy's just like a bag of feckin' cats.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59- She nearly bit the head off me just then.- Sharon's the same.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01I asked her when she was going to get a better job
0:05:01 > 0:05:03and she just nearly devoured me.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05But she likes that job she has in Foley's.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07She speaks four languages, Agnes.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11- And she can't say no in any of them! - What?
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Nothing. Nothing.
0:05:13 > 0:05:18Great news. Mammy. Me and Dino are getting a condominium.
0:05:18 > 0:05:19That's fantastic.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Rory, be careful. They're not a 100% safe.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Your Mammy's right, Rory.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Sharon's friend wore one of them and got run over by a bus.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Well, shows you.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34We've got an apartment.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Con-do-minium.
0:05:36 > 0:05:37All-fuckin'-right.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41It's gorgeous.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Fuckin' flies.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45We're only hoping now that it will be ready
0:05:45 > 0:05:47before Dino gets turfed out of the bedsit.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Ah, well, I'm happy that yous are happy. Where is it?
0:05:50 > 0:05:51In Kil...
0:05:54 > 0:05:57BUZZING
0:06:05 > 0:06:08I'm sorry, love, where is it?
0:06:08 > 0:06:12- It's in Kilbride, Mrs Brown.- Oh! - Oh, it's beautiful.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Oh, that's very far out, Rory.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18I mean, that's going to be a long trek in and out of Wash & Blow.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20That's why I'm doing this.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Driving lessons. Oh, Rory, I don't know.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24Remember the first time you drove?
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Oh, God, you cried so much I had to go into the shop
0:06:27 > 0:06:29and ask the man to pull out the plug.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31I'd be grand.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35The instructor said, if I do the course, I'd pass me test no problem.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37That's what the last instructor said.
0:06:37 > 0:06:38You had lessons before?
0:06:38 > 0:06:41- Tell him, tell him! - Well, I put the car into gear
0:06:41 > 0:06:44and when it started, the instructor started shouting, "Stop! Stop!"
0:06:44 > 0:06:46The man hadn't got into the car yet!
0:06:48 > 0:06:50I couldn't stop it.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52I said to Mammy, "How do I stop this thing?"
0:06:52 > 0:06:54What were you doing in the car, Mrs Brown?
0:06:54 > 0:06:56I was feckin' praying, son.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02- So what happened?- Well, you know the flower shop on Rathmore Street?
0:07:02 > 0:07:04There is no flower shop in Rathmore Street.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Exactly! Not now!
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Don't do it, Rory. It's too dangerous.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12No, I am doing it.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Danger is my middle name.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Bond. James Bond.
0:07:23 > 0:07:24Off. Fuck off.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Do you know, at first I was really nervous about this,
0:07:30 > 0:07:32but now I'm excited.
0:07:32 > 0:07:33Excited about what?
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Driving lessons.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Why would you get driving lessons when you haven't got a car?
0:07:37 > 0:07:39I don't say anything when you buy a bra.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51- D'you want tea? - Yes, please, Mammy.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54- Fine.- Look, I'm sorry for snapping earlier.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58It's all right, love, that's what dinosaurs do.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00- Argh!- Thanks, Mammy.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04- How is?- Dermot is not here.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- Actually I'm looking for you, Mrs Brown.- I don't want any.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Dermot tells me you're looking to get your kitchen done.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- Yes, so?- Well, I don't know if you were aware, Mrs Brown,
0:08:13 > 0:08:16but I have a lot of experience in renovations.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19No, I wasn't aware. Because you don't!
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Look, all I want is a chance to quote for the job.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Fine, you can quote.
0:08:28 > 0:08:29Seven and a half grand.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34- For what?- For me. That's my quote.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Buster, to put in a quote,
0:08:36 > 0:08:38you have to show Mammy what you're going to do,
0:08:38 > 0:08:40take measurements and that,
0:08:40 > 0:08:44decide how long it's going to take and then how much.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Seven and a half grand.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56HE SNORES
0:08:57 > 0:09:00What the feckin'! What are you doin'?
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Mammy, I want to talk to you about something important.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04That's what ad breaks are for.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10- What?- Mammy, what did you do to impress Daddy?
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- What do you mean impress him? - You know, when you were dating.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15What did you have to do to keep him interested?
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Fuckin' turn up!
0:09:19 > 0:09:20Why, what's on your mind?
0:09:20 > 0:09:23I was thinking about getting a boob job.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25And what's wrong with the job you have?
0:09:26 > 0:09:30No, Mammy, a boob job! Breast enlargements.
0:09:30 > 0:09:31Oh, yeah...
0:09:31 > 0:09:35I have enough money saved. What do you think?
0:09:35 > 0:09:37I think you should do whatever you want to do, love.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Thomas is always looking at women with big breasts.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43A man looking at women with big breasts.
0:09:43 > 0:09:44Wonders will never cease.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Mammy, would you change anything?
0:09:47 > 0:09:51Never, no. I was always very proud of my body.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54I used to just strip naked and stand in front of the mirror.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56I'd go, "Hm-hm-hm-hm!
0:09:57 > 0:09:59"Go on, you good thing."
0:09:59 > 0:10:03Everybody else in the butcher's would just stare at me.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09But they weren't getting their mince for 40 pence a pound.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Seriously, Mammy, if you had had access to plastic surgery,
0:10:14 > 0:10:17what would you have gotten done?
0:10:17 > 0:10:20I might have got a couple of inches put onto your father's penis.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26That's just me being feckin' greedy now!
0:10:28 > 0:10:32Listen, Cathy love, you get a titty job, that's your own business.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34But I think it might be much better for you
0:10:34 > 0:10:38if you found somebody who loves you just the way you are.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40It's not like that any more, Mammy.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45It's not enough to just turn up.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50- Well, maybe it is... for the right man!- Uh!
0:10:52 > 0:10:54What's a mother to do?
0:10:55 > 0:10:58END MUSIC PLAYS
0:10:58 > 0:10:59Ah, bollocks!
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Mrs Brown, this is the best draughtsman in the city.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13He's the best there is?
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Hello.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21- Hello, Mr... - His name is Giddyeye.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25- Giddyeye. - Pleased to meet you, Mrs Brown.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Now, can you show us the kitchen?
0:11:31 > 0:11:33We're in the fuckin' kitchen.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Oh, yeah of course.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39First thing we need to do is better lighting.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42It's almost pitch black in here.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47- Pitch black?- He's very cheap.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49He can't see!
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Of course he can see! Just not very well.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55He can make out shapes close to his face.
0:11:57 > 0:11:58Can you make out that shape?
0:12:01 > 0:12:04- Hey, who are you?- Jesus Christ!
0:12:04 > 0:12:06- What are you doing? - This sink is far too big.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08What?
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Hello, Blondie.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Buster, get Helen Keller out of here.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20C'mon Giddyeye, we're going.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Looking forward to seeing you again soon, Mrs Brown.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25I'm looking forward to you seeing me for the fuckin' first time!
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Lying bastard!
0:12:33 > 0:12:34Shit! Shit!
0:12:36 > 0:12:38"Wedding dress for sale.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40"Worn once...
0:12:43 > 0:12:45"..by mistake."
0:12:58 > 0:13:00- Tea, love?- Yes, please, Mammy.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Well, what do you think?
0:13:03 > 0:13:05What do I think of what?
0:13:05 > 0:13:10- You got it done already? - No, I'm wearing a size decider.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13- What?- The clinic want me to be sure I get the size I want,
0:13:13 > 0:13:16so they gave me this to try out different sizes.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18It adjusts, watch.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21HISSING
0:13:29 > 0:13:30Inflatable titties!
0:13:32 > 0:13:35- It's amazing!- I'm going to try it out on my date tomorrow night.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Hope Thomas reacts the way I think he will.
0:13:37 > 0:13:41- I wonder will he notice it?- Oh, believe me, he'll fuckin' notice.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43How do you get them to go down again?
0:13:43 > 0:13:47I'm not sure. The instructions are upstairs.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54And what do you two want?
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Tell her, will you, Dermo?
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Mammy, Giddyeye isn't going to design your kitchen.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01- Buster knows what he wants. - Seven and a half grand.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04But to get it past the council,
0:14:04 > 0:14:06he has to get a draughtsman's signature.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08That's all he needs Giddyeye for.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11So Giddyeye is going to sign it? How? In Braille?
0:14:11 > 0:14:14It's just to cover meself and you.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18Look, I'll trust him this time, but I'm telling you, Buster, don't you push me!
0:14:18 > 0:14:20How did Cathy get on at the clinic?
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- How did you know about Cathy and the clinic?- Maria was telling me.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Well, it's private and personal and it's not to be discussed.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28They gave her blow-up titties.
0:14:30 > 0:14:31It all goes different sizes
0:14:31 > 0:14:33because she has to decide what size she wants,
0:14:33 > 0:14:36cos some women are different, you know, you don't want to get...
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Get 'em too long and you're in the shower trying to fuckin' wash them...
0:14:47 > 0:14:49- Oh, right. - Is Cathy sick, Dermo?
0:14:49 > 0:14:50No, she's getting a boob job.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52That's none of his fuckin' business.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55You're right, Ma. Buster, you never heard that.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58You'll have to speak up, Dermo.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Ssh! You two, don't open your fuckin' mouth.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03I don't know where it is.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04Oh, hiya, Dermot.
0:15:08 > 0:15:09Hiya, Cathy.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Hel-lo, Cathy!
0:15:13 > 0:15:16- Hello, Buster.- I heard you're getting your tits blown up?
0:15:18 > 0:15:19Buster, out!
0:15:23 > 0:15:24And who told him?
0:15:24 > 0:15:28Nobody! But in fairness, you know...
0:15:28 > 0:15:29I suppose.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Would you like a cup of tits... tea, love! Tea, cup of tea.
0:15:34 > 0:15:38I should have known better than trusting you with a secret.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Well, I meant PG tits... Tips!
0:15:40 > 0:15:43PG...tips.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47I'm so disappointed with Cathy.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50I think she's beautiful just the way she is.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53- Why, what's wrong with her?- She's talking about getting implants.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Don't talk to me, I went about them.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Never been so embarrassed in me life.
0:15:58 > 0:15:59I didn't know that. When?
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Oh, a long while ago. Ten years now.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05I thought I'd go and ask if implants would be any good.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09I was only in there five minutes and he started feeling me jing-jangs.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Well, I let out a scream.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Worst dentist I've even been to.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Winnie, I was talk... Oh, it doesn't matter.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24I can see where Cathy's coming from, getting a boob job.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26It's all down to how you feel about yourself.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29Its all about S-E-K-S.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Sex!
0:16:34 > 0:16:37No, Mrs Brown, Betty's right. A woman needs good self-esteem.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38Does she?
0:16:38 > 0:16:42When was the last time a man asked to feel your self-esteem, Winnie?
0:16:44 > 0:16:47No, the world's gone sex mad. I see young boys now
0:16:47 > 0:16:51and they're dressing like they're feckin' Chippendales.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54I hear young girls now talking like adults, and they're only 12.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56I don't remember even thinking about sex at that age.
0:16:56 > 0:17:01It's different for men, Maria. Sex is a big thing to them.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04My Jacko can remember the first time he had sex.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06He still has the fuckin' receipt.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- Hiya's! - Hiya!- So, what's the conversation?
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Ah, don't you know? Men and sex.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16What do they say? You can't have one...
0:17:16 > 0:17:18ALL: ..without the other.
0:17:18 > 0:17:19Yes, you can.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Winnie, you stay away from that tumble dryer.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32You know, I'd rather clean me oven than have sex.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35- Really?- Yes. If I'm going to be on my hands and knees for 15 minutes
0:17:35 > 0:17:38I want something to fuckin' show for it!
0:17:41 > 0:17:44No, Cathy, don't order, I have to go home and let Dermot out for a pint.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48- Come back to my place and I'll open up a bottle of wine.- Great. Betty?
0:17:48 > 0:17:49Have you only got the one bottle?
0:17:54 > 0:17:56What are you smiling at?
0:17:56 > 0:17:59- You know the inflatable titties that Cathy got?- Uh-huh.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01I'm wearing them!
0:18:03 > 0:18:06You are not!
0:18:06 > 0:18:07Here, show me.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09There's a gizmo here, takes a second.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Hello, Father Damien.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26Mrs Brown. I just wanted to tell you your Mark was out was out with me today.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Thank you. Winnie, get the switch!
0:18:28 > 0:18:32He was looking for a reference from me for his emigration application.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34I don't know him that well, but I gave him a good one.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Oh, thank you, Father. Winnie, for fuck's sake!
0:18:37 > 0:18:39My pleasure, he's such a fine young man.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41He'll be a great loss to the community.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Winnie, do something!
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Mrs Brown, are your tits swelling?
0:18:46 > 0:18:47I beg your pardon?
0:18:47 > 0:18:51- It's just that... - Winnie, do something now!
0:18:51 > 0:18:54HISSING
0:19:02 > 0:19:06Right then, I'll... I'll leave you two with it.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Have you got everything you need?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25That's nearly everything.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Birth, baptism certificate, stamped letter from the police.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Just a couple of references to get now,
0:19:30 > 0:19:33send them all off to the Australian embassy. And that's it.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37And when will you know...
0:19:40 > 0:19:43When will you know if you have the visas?
0:19:43 > 0:19:46- A few weeks, I'd say. Then we do medicals.- That quick?
0:19:53 > 0:19:55So when do you think you'll be going?
0:19:55 > 0:19:57No complications, I'd say a few weeks.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01Well, I won't lie to you,. I wish you weren't going.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05Neither do I, but I have to do what's best for me family.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Anyway, you can come out and visit.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10To Australia? Oh, no, love, nobody out there knows me.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16We do and that's all that matters.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20- Yes, love.- Right, I'm off. I'll see you tomorrow.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Oh, by the way, what's happening with the kitchen?
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Buster says he's got a couple of pieces to put in place,
0:20:25 > 0:20:27before he can give us a quote. But he'll get back to us.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30I'll be here to keep an eye on him for most of it. See ya.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32- Bye love.- Hey. Rory.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Hello, love. Cup of tea?
0:20:34 > 0:20:37No, thanks, Mammy. Have you got anything for a headache?
0:20:37 > 0:20:38Me head is pounding.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40How did the driving lesson go today?
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Not great.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Mammy, what do you do when a policeman does that?
0:20:46 > 0:20:48You slow down.
0:20:48 > 0:20:49What do you do when he does that?
0:20:49 > 0:20:51You stop.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55And what do you do when he goes, "Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck?"
0:20:56 > 0:20:58You drive on as quick as you feckin' can!
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Oh, Rory, sounds like you had a rough day.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07I can't get the hang of this parking thing.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Now, the instructor was very nice about it.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13He said, "It's OK, I'll get out your side."
0:21:13 > 0:21:17He told me to bring a crash helmet next time.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20You'd look stupid driving around in a crash helmet.
0:21:20 > 0:21:21No, for him!
0:21:23 > 0:21:27How are ya? I've got the designs.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Do you know something, Buster?
0:21:33 > 0:21:37I do - bats always turn left when they come out of a cave.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Do you know, this is very good. It's perfect.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46I just need to make a couple of changes.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49Mark and Betty, they're going to Australia.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51So fly away, Mark, fly away, Betty.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53And it's all going to be good quality.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57I'm getting it from that Scandinavian company with the small name.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59- IKEA.- Lego.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Just kidding. It is, it's IKEA.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Buster, this is good.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13OK, Buster, you have the job.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Ah, thanks, Mrs Brown.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Cancel the Lego.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24It's a great idea, a night at the bingo.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Imagine if we won the jackpot?
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Yes, then maybe Mark wouldn't have to emigrate to Australia.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Mrs Brown, we don't want to emigrate, but what can we do?
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Cathy is meeting Clown after the bingo.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Do you think he's going to pop the question soon?
0:22:38 > 0:22:41- Oh, wouldn't that be lovely. - Gorgeous.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45Excuse me...do any of you like Clown?
0:22:45 > 0:22:47God, no, he's a boring old shit!
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Hello?! Why would you want him to marry Cathy?
0:22:52 > 0:22:55- Well...- It's a wedding. - I love a wedding.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57And who knows, he might make her very happy.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59If he dies at the reception.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05Do any of yous have any idea what it's like to live with a man
0:23:05 > 0:23:08who's a complete bore and has no personality?
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Tell them, Winnie.
0:23:12 > 0:23:13Well...
0:23:16 > 0:23:20Hold on now, Agnes, Jacko does have his moment.
0:23:20 > 0:23:21When?
0:23:21 > 0:23:25April 8th 1985. When Sharon was little.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Ha-ha-ha! Sharon...little!
0:23:29 > 0:23:33I said to her, "Would you like your daddy to make you toasted soldiers?"
0:23:35 > 0:23:39And quick as a flash he said, "Daddy won't, but Mammy will."
0:23:41 > 0:23:44Oh, it still makes me laugh today.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50And that's what you want for Cathy?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53So, how do I look?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55- You look lovely.- Stunning.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58I'm wearing my tester boobs. I thought I'd try them out on Thomas.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00- But I bit... - Ha-ha! Winnie!
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Toasty soldiers, I get it now!
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Shut your fu...
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Here, Cathy, give us a demonstration.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Yeah, show us how it works.
0:24:12 > 0:24:13This mightn't be the right time now.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15- Because I bit...- Winnie!
0:24:18 > 0:24:22Hello, Thomas. What are you doing here? I was just heading out.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Could I have a moment...in private?
0:24:25 > 0:24:26Sure, we'll go on ahead.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29Follow us down, Cathy. C'mon, let's go.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40Sit down, Thomas. I'm glad you called.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43Actually, I have a surprise for you.
0:24:43 > 0:24:44Oh, shit!
0:24:46 > 0:24:48A surprise, really?
0:24:48 > 0:24:49What do you think of this?
0:24:49 > 0:24:52PFFFRRRRTTT!
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Look, Cathy, I've been trying to ask you something all week.
0:25:03 > 0:25:07I know, it's difficult to get some privacy in this house.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09But we're alone now, Thomas, so what is it?
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Wait...
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Does this turn you on?
0:25:15 > 0:25:17PFFFRRRTTTT!
0:25:22 > 0:25:25- Well, not really, no. - Go on, Thomas.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Well, Cathy, love is a strange thing.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30Yes, it is.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32PFFFRRRTTT!
0:25:32 > 0:25:36And one can never foresee who or what we will love.
0:25:36 > 0:25:37No, we can't, Thomas.
0:25:37 > 0:25:42I mean, I never dreamt I'd meet anyone as warm and as gentle as you.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45- Hiya!- Oh, piss off, Rory!
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Go on, Thomas, warm and gentle is me.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50PFFFRRRTTT!
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Well, to get to the point, Cathy,
0:25:52 > 0:25:56I've been offered a wonderful position in a university in America.
0:25:56 > 0:25:57That's fantastic.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59And I was wondering...
0:26:01 > 0:26:03- Yes?- Will you...m...
0:26:03 > 0:26:05mind my dog for me?
0:26:05 > 0:26:10Oh, Thomas, I've never even considered marriage and now...
0:26:12 > 0:26:13Your dog?
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Yes, just for a year.
0:26:15 > 0:26:20Thomas, I have been a loyal and faithful girlfriend.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22PFFFRRRTTT!
0:26:24 > 0:26:27I am an attractive and intelligent woman.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29PFFFRRRTTT!
0:26:29 > 0:26:32With more to offer than any man knows.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34PFFFRRRTTT!
0:26:35 > 0:26:40For the last year, I have been a loving and caring partner...
0:26:40 > 0:26:41PFFFRRRTTT!
0:26:41 > 0:26:47And now you want me to mind your dog?!
0:26:47 > 0:26:48I'm not so sure now.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Thomas, good luck in America.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56And as for your dog?
0:26:56 > 0:27:01Why don't you cover him in butter and shove him up your arse!
0:27:05 > 0:27:08PFFRRTT! PFFRRTT! PFFRRTT!
0:27:09 > 0:27:10Now get out!
0:27:14 > 0:27:16PFFFRRRTTT!
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Well, it's been a hectic week.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32But you know, not everything has to be a feckin' drama.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Cathy's heart is broken, but that can be fixed.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37And Rory did damage the car for the driving school,
0:27:37 > 0:27:39but that can be fixed.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43You'd be surprised what can be fixed with a little love and tender care.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46And a puncture repair outfit.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48SHE CACKLES
0:27:50 > 0:27:53OK, I've got to stop... stop the fuckin' thing! Stop it!
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Stop it! Good night!
0:28:00 > 0:28:04# Say hello to the queen of Dublin town
0:28:05 > 0:28:10# As the best mum of all She wears the crown
0:28:11 > 0:28:15# Mother hen watching all her chicks
0:28:15 > 0:28:17# Sassy old lady full of tricks
0:28:17 > 0:28:23# It's a safe bet she'd never let life get her down
0:28:23 > 0:28:26# She's Mrs Brown
0:28:26 > 0:28:29# That's Mrs Brown
0:28:29 > 0:28:32# Oh, Mrs Brown. #
0:28:32 > 0:28:34Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:34 > 0:28:37Heh-heh-heh-heh!