0:00:01 > 0:00:05This programme contains strong language.
0:00:10 > 0:00:11SHE LAUGHS
0:00:11 > 0:00:15'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys.'
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# She's Mrs Brown
0:00:18 > 0:00:21# That's Mrs Brown
0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Our Mrs Brown. #
0:00:40 > 0:00:41Oh it's good to be home!
0:00:41 > 0:00:44My God, Mrs Brown, it was only one night!
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Is our house that bad?
0:00:46 > 0:00:47Course not, Maria, no.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49And it was lovely to wake up to the triplets this morning,
0:00:49 > 0:00:51but I love me own bed.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Well, Mark wanted to surprise you with the finished kitchen.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56So believe me, it'll be worth it!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Are you ready, Mark, love?
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Nearly, just a second.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Oh, I'm not great at surprises.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05I know. Remember when you found out you were pregnant on Dermot?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08- Winnie!- Sorry.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Excuse me, Mammy? Was I a mistake?
0:01:11 > 0:01:12Huge!
0:01:16 > 0:01:17Not to me.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18After having three boys,
0:01:18 > 0:01:20you must have been thrilled when I came along?
0:01:24 > 0:01:25Yeah, thrilled.
0:01:27 > 0:01:28Well, it's done.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31There's tea on the table for everyone.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36Mammy, step in for your first cup of tea in your new kitchen.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47I'd like to toast Mammy on her new kitchen.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48- ALL:- Cheers!
0:01:48 > 0:01:51And I want to apologise to Mammy that the new table is not here yet.
0:01:51 > 0:01:52Is it, Buster?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54It'll be here on Monday.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58I don't want a new table. I'm keeping that one.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00But Mammy, you've had that years.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Yes I have, and my mother had it before me.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Everything important in my life has happened around that table.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08I was sitting at that table when your father proposed to me.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Mark, the first time I changed your nappy was on that table.
0:02:14 > 0:02:19Dermot, when you went to prison, I sat at that table and I cried.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23And Cathy, I can't count the amount of times I sat around that table
0:02:23 > 0:02:26talking with you, after yet another one of your boyfriends fucked off.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32All my memories are embedded in this table.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34And most of yez were conceived on it!
0:02:38 > 0:02:39Which end?
0:02:41 > 0:02:42Shut up, Dermot!
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Well, I agree, Mammy. You keep the table.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Yeah.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51My God, a new kitchen and just in time for my wedding.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- ALL:- Woo hoo!
0:02:53 > 0:02:56And it'll be a brilliant wedding, with Maria organising the day.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58What? Maria?
0:02:58 > 0:03:01That's right. It's one of our wedding presents to you and Dino.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02The other's a toaster.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Shut up, Buster!
0:03:05 > 0:03:07But I already have one.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10OK. I'll change the toaster for a sandwich maker.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14No, I mean I already have a wedding organizer.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15Who?
0:03:15 > 0:03:17The staff at Wash & Blow arranged La La Doggy,
0:03:17 > 0:03:19the fella off that telly programme,
0:03:19 > 0:03:21'Don't Tell The Big Fat Gypsy Bride About The First Dance'.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25La La Doggy! He is great.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30But I'm sure you'll be much better, Maria, I mean, you are family.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33No, no, it's fine. I just wanted to help, that's all.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34I do have some good ideas, though.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Do you think would he mind me suggesting them, Rory?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Er, no. I'm sure he'll be fine with that.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Fine.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Who's this?
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Ah, um, this is La La Doggy. The wedding arranger.
0:03:53 > 0:03:54And you are?
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Mother of the brid...
0:03:59 > 0:04:00His mother.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Hello. I see we have some work to do, then.
0:04:07 > 0:04:08I beg your pardon?
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Mrs Brown, I expected you to be more elegant.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13And I expected you to be yellow with a curly antenna,
0:04:13 > 0:04:15so we're both disappointed.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20La La's just going through some ideas.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21Colours and the theme and that.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Theme, let me think...
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Two people getting married, till death do us part...
0:04:25 > 0:04:28I have an idea, here's the theme - it's a fuckin' wedding!
0:04:31 > 0:04:32What are you staring at?
0:04:32 > 0:04:35I was wondering what we'd put you in. Lilac maybe?
0:04:35 > 0:04:38I'd like you looking a little more feminine.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43He has a fuckin' point, really.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Listen, you, you're not Gok Wan.
0:04:51 > 0:04:52You're not even Gok Two!
0:04:54 > 0:04:55I dress myself.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59La La, would you like a cup of tea?
0:04:59 > 0:05:00Yes, please.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02I'll get it, Rory. In a takeaway cup.
0:05:04 > 0:05:05Hello.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07La La, this is my sister, Cathy.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10- Hello.- Hello, La La. I'm a fan.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11I love your fashion ideas.
0:05:11 > 0:05:12Really?
0:05:15 > 0:05:17And this is her boyfriend, Mick.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18Hello!
0:05:20 > 0:05:22- Hello.- I'll see you to the door.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27He just looked me up and down.
0:05:27 > 0:05:28Me too!
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Me too!
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Well, I can understand that.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35- What?- But me?
0:05:37 > 0:05:38Do you want a cup of tea, Cathy?
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- Yes, please.- Here.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Mammy, is there a guest list for the wedding reception?
0:05:44 > 0:05:47I don't know, I...Rory, how does this work with guests?
0:05:47 > 0:05:50I mean, do we invite your uncles and your aunties?
0:05:50 > 0:05:52I suppose you can invite whoever you like.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54As long as they're OK with it being a gay wedding.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56None of your uncles and aunties, so.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01I was wondering if I could invite Mick's parents?
0:06:01 > 0:06:03- What?- Oh, it's just that they're up in Dublin that weekend
0:06:03 > 0:06:06and what with the wedding, I'll only see them for one day,
0:06:06 > 0:06:08but if they can come along to the wedding...?
0:06:08 > 0:06:09I've no problem with that.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Just as long as they know it's a gay wedding.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Oh, they're fine, they're broad-minded.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Actually they're very, very broad-minded.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20I wouldn't like the first time I meet them to be a family event.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Could I not meet them before the wedding?
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Well, they arrive up on Thursday night.
0:06:24 > 0:06:25But you're on duty.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Well, invite them over here. I'll look after them.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29It'll give me a chance to meet them.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Maybe not, they're a bit odd.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Odd? Like what?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36To be honest with you, I wouldn't be surprised if they were swingers.
0:06:40 > 0:06:41What age are they?
0:06:41 > 0:06:45For God's sake, Rory, it doesn't matter what age they are.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Everybody likes a bit of swing now and then!
0:06:53 > 0:06:54There ya go, pet.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Thanks.
0:06:56 > 0:06:57Where ya up to now, love?
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Louis Armstrong.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Louis Armstrong is coming to the wedding?
0:07:02 > 0:07:05No, I'm on a different list now. Jazz singers.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Mick the Dick's parents are coming for a visit
0:07:07 > 0:07:10and Mick was saying that they're swingers.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15I'm trying to come up with a bit of background music.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17You know, jazz stuff.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Ah, right.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20Paddy Cole.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Paddy Cole. Very good, Winnie.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27What's that?
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Oh, I'm knitting Sharon a shawl for the wedding.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31"The Virgin Wrap"?
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Yeah, I thought I'd keep her, you know, right.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Winnie, it's not called Virgin Wrap because she might be...
0:07:38 > 0:07:41It's called Virgin Wrap because you knit it with virgin wool.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Oh, right...
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Where will I get virgin wool?
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Off an ugly sheep.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53Right.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Winnie, I swear to God!
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Sometimes you're so feckin' naive!
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Now, back to the swingers...
0:08:06 > 0:08:07Hello, ladies!
0:08:07 > 0:08:09What do you want, Buster?
0:08:09 > 0:08:10Rory's looking to buy a car
0:08:10 > 0:08:12and I think I've found the one he'd like for sale.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15And does the owner know he's selling it yet?
0:08:15 > 0:08:16Very good.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20I just want to get him something reliable.
0:08:20 > 0:08:21Not going to happen, son.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24If it has tyres or testicles, you'd have trouble with it.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Do you know Rory's coming down to Foley's after work?
0:08:27 > 0:08:28Let me think...
0:08:28 > 0:08:30He said something about staying in tonight
0:08:30 > 0:08:32and putting a patch on his marigolds.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35- Did he?- No!
0:08:35 > 0:08:37I don't know is the answer, Buster.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Rory spends more time with La La Doggy these days
0:08:42 > 0:08:43than he does with his own mother.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47Mick, will you stop worrying about your parents?
0:08:47 > 0:08:48Mammy'll just take it in her stride.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Do you think so?
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Yes, she'll handle whatever pops up.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57You know what I mean.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59You're right. I'm sure with six children,
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- there's very little that could shock your mother.- Exactly.
0:09:03 > 0:09:04Like what?
0:09:04 > 0:09:06What?
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Well, what might pop up that might shock Mammy?
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Oh, no, no, I don't mean anything specific. It's just...
0:09:12 > 0:09:15my father's liable to go in there with no inhibitions, you know.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Mammy'll be fine.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Mind you, if he goes too far,
0:09:20 > 0:09:23he's liable to end up with his inhibitions cut off and in a bag!
0:09:26 > 0:09:28What's the name of that count?
0:09:31 > 0:09:32Count Basie!
0:09:32 > 0:09:33Count Basie.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37THEY LAUGH UPROARIOUSLY
0:09:47 > 0:09:50I'd wish you'd have let me cook something for you.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Oh, not at all. We ate at the hotel.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55We're just fine, aren't we, Poochie?
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Yes, we are, my little cheerleader.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Go, Poochie! Go, Poochie! I LOVE YOU!
0:10:07 > 0:10:10SHE FORCES A LAUGH
0:10:10 > 0:10:11That's nice.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Well, it's lovely to meet you at last.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19I was a bit of a swinger meself back in the day.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22Back in the day! Stop that now.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25I bet you could swing along with the best of us even now.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26Well, no, I...
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Well, yeah...
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Oh, it's been so long.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33And I bet you'd like to see more of us.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37Well, we'll see how the romance goes with Cathy and Mick.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Ah, the young love birds.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40Yes.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Well, just so's you know,
0:10:43 > 0:10:44you won't be disappointed.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50I have a huge penis.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14Actually, so have I.
0:11:22 > 0:11:23I'll get more drinks.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32What a pair of fruitcakes!
0:11:35 > 0:11:37How's it going, Agnes?
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Winnie, they're odd.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40She's like a feckin' teenager!
0:11:40 > 0:11:41And he...
0:11:41 > 0:11:42Yeah?
0:11:45 > 0:11:46He says he has a huge cock!
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Get out, do it again!
0:12:11 > 0:12:12Pair of fuckin' oddballs!
0:12:15 > 0:12:17How's it going, Agnes?
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Oh Winnie, they're odd.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21She thinks she's a teenager and he...
0:12:21 > 0:12:22Yeah?
0:12:25 > 0:12:26He says he has a huge penis!
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Agnes, they all say that, love.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Not when they're a guest in somebody's sitting room, they don't!
0:12:36 > 0:12:39- I suppose. Is there anything you need, love?- No.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42I'm going to give them some wine and I'm going to put on a bit of jazz.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45That might calm them down. I'll see ya, love.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Ah, jazz! Very nice!
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Now you're talking.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Now, how about a bit of fun?
0:13:29 > 0:13:30There ya go, pet.
0:13:32 > 0:13:33Oh, Winnie...
0:13:34 > 0:13:36..his willy!
0:13:38 > 0:13:41It was like one of the candles in St Jarlath's Church!
0:13:43 > 0:13:45That had been burning all through Easter week!
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Well, Mammy, Mick did try to warn ya.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53And his wife. Not a stitch on her!
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Just stood there with her titties hanging down.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58One each side of her belly button!
0:14:00 > 0:14:02They were swingers, Mammy!
0:14:02 > 0:14:04They certainly were!
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Every time she feckin' moved!
0:14:09 > 0:14:11What she needed was a good bra.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13For God's sake.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19So, what do you think, Rory?
0:14:19 > 0:14:22I love the colour. It's a nice car, isn't it, Dino?
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Aye, but it seems really hard to stop it.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29Awww, that's just, er, a bit of air in the brake line.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31New brakes, you see. You just need to pump it!
0:14:31 > 0:14:33It'll be gone in a day or two.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Rory, will you keep them calm in here?
0:14:36 > 0:14:40Your mammy's after having a close encounter of the willy kind!
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Are you OK, Mammy?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46I'm fine, love.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49I'm sure that willy winked at me!
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Right, well, here's your car keys. Good luck with your new car.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57See yas!
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Did you get a new car, Rory?
0:14:59 > 0:15:00Yes, I did!
0:15:00 > 0:15:01WE did.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Oh, sorry, Dino. WE did.
0:15:04 > 0:15:05It's lovely.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07C'mon, I'll give you a spin in it.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10- Look who I bumped into! - Hello, Mrs Brown.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14Hello, Father Damien. Trevor, get Father Damien a cup of tea.
0:15:14 > 0:15:15Ah, no, thanks.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Father Damien, I'm glad you called around.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21I wanted to make some arrangement to have Rory's marriage
0:15:21 > 0:15:23blessed in the church. Would Saturday be a good day?
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Mrs Brown, Rory and Dino
0:15:25 > 0:15:28will never be married in the eyes of the church.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31I know that. I'm just looking for a blessing of some sort.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34Perhaps you could explain it better, Trevor?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Ah, no, I believe this one is all yours.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Look, the church won't bless something
0:15:40 > 0:15:43it not only doesn't recognise, but is against.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Exactly what is it against?
0:15:45 > 0:15:46The church's position on marriage
0:15:46 > 0:15:49is that it can only exist between a man and a woman.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52I know that, but what's the church's position on love?
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Sorry?
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Er, well...
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Well, there are many different types of love.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02I mean, like love for one's family
0:16:02 > 0:16:06is completely different to love for one's... Let's say pet.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Really? And what's the difference?
0:16:08 > 0:16:11- Sorry?- Explain the difference between those two loves.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- Well, well... It's like... - Look, Father,
0:16:14 > 0:16:17I know Rory and Dino would need the Pope's permission
0:16:17 > 0:16:18to get married in the church,
0:16:18 > 0:16:21but they don't need anybody's permission to fall in love.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23And as for the ceremony, I don't give a shite
0:16:23 > 0:16:26if they jump over a brush!
0:16:26 > 0:16:28But you show me in any Bible anywhere
0:16:28 > 0:16:31where Jesus Christ refused to sanctify love.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Would you like me to show you out, Father?
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Yes, I think so.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46La La should be here any minute now.
0:16:46 > 0:16:47DOORBELL RINGS
0:16:47 > 0:16:50I'll get it.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Now, Mammy, you just let La La get on with it.
0:16:52 > 0:16:53Don't interfere.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57Excuse me, I speak my mind! I'm not going to sit here
0:16:57 > 0:17:00with me mouth shut if this gobshite is taking rubbish!
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Mammy, tonight is about Rory and Dino's wedding.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09Sorry, you're right. Hello, Tinky-Winky!
0:17:10 > 0:17:12It's La La.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13Of course it is.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16A far more sensible name.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18So, what's the big wedding idea?
0:17:18 > 0:17:20An underwater wedding.
0:17:21 > 0:17:22Brilliant!
0:17:22 > 0:17:23Wow.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25He's off his fuckin' trolley!
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Me hat'll get ruined!
0:17:29 > 0:17:32No, no, we all wear wetsuits and oxygen tanks.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34That'll be a marvellous wedding album.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36"Who's that with the snorkel?"
0:17:36 > 0:17:38"Fucked if I know, they all look the same to me!"
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Rory, you can't even swim!
0:17:43 > 0:17:46That's right. What's the chances of drowning?
0:17:46 > 0:17:49100%, I'd say.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52I'd like to suggest something more traditional.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54I've actually drawn pictures.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57We don't want to see pictures!
0:17:58 > 0:18:01If my wife wants to show pictures, she shows pictures!
0:18:01 > 0:18:02Thanks, love.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07The theme is pure love.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09The happy couple are in white suits
0:18:09 > 0:18:12and you walk down the aisle to the song Nights In White Satin.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16Ah, now, Maria, now you're talking!
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Boring!
0:18:18 > 0:18:21It's a gay wedding, it has to make a statement.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23- Why?- What?
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Why does it have to be a gay wedding?
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Why does it have to make a statement?
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Why can't it just be that Rory and Dino are in love
0:18:29 > 0:18:31and they want to commit themselves with that love
0:18:31 > 0:18:33together for the rest of their lives?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35We don't need a circus,
0:18:35 > 0:18:37we don't need wetsuits and feckin' oxygen tanks!
0:18:37 > 0:18:39My idea's much better!
0:18:39 > 0:18:41- It's an underwater wedding! - That's silly!
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Shut up, the two of yas!
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Now look, there's only two people driving this
0:18:45 > 0:18:47and that's Rory and Dino.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50It's up to them to choose the wedding that THEY want.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52So, boys, what's it going to be?
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Oh, Dino, what do you think?
0:18:56 > 0:18:58I don't know, what do you think?
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Oh, I don't know, what do you think?
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Oh, I don't know!
0:19:02 > 0:19:04For Christ's sake! One of yas decide.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06We're missing Strictly Come Dancing!
0:19:06 > 0:19:07- ALL:- Strictly!
0:19:07 > 0:19:10- Where's the remote control? - You bastards!
0:19:10 > 0:19:13The whole lot of you!
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Rory! Rory, love!
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Well, I think we all know who's to blame for that!
0:19:21 > 0:19:23We certainly do.
0:19:23 > 0:19:24Yes, we do.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Grandad, ya bastard.
0:19:29 > 0:19:30Why did you rush them?
0:19:36 > 0:19:38- Hiya, Winnie. - How are ya, love?
0:19:38 > 0:19:42- Cup of tea, love?- Oh, I'd love one! Cheers.
0:19:42 > 0:19:43Where's the milk?
0:19:43 > 0:19:44In the fridge.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Where's the fridge?
0:19:46 > 0:19:48I'm fucked if I know!
0:19:48 > 0:19:52I know a fridge door when I see one, and I don't see one in this kitchen.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Jesus, a new kitchen and they forget the fridge!
0:19:55 > 0:19:57MICROWAVE PINGS
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Oh, you're just in time. I baked a cake in the microwave.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02I've never baked in a microwave.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06Me neither! They give you a recipe book and all with it.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Just a small slice for me, Agnes.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37What the hell is that?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39You need a bigger cake tin.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41No, no, it wasn't like that when it went in.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44That oven's shite!
0:20:44 > 0:20:47- Well, you can tell her. - No, you tell her.- No!
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Well, somebody's going to have to tell her.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54No way! It should be a family member.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56You married into this family. You're a Brown now.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58I want a divorce!
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Come on, Dermot! You're her favourite.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04She's less likely to kill you.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08OK, but I'm telling her through the hatch.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10That way I can make a run for it.
0:21:10 > 0:21:11Hiya, Mammy.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Hello, son.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16You're just in time.
0:21:16 > 0:21:17Come in, I have cake.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Er, no, you're fine.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22I'll stay here.
0:21:22 > 0:21:23I spoke to Rory.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Oh, good - he was very upset last night.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30Me too! Nicky in the dance-off on Strictly!
0:21:30 > 0:21:33No! About the wedding.
0:21:33 > 0:21:34Oh.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36You tell him to get home here as soon as he can.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38We'll make it work. Won't we, son?
0:21:38 > 0:21:39The thing is, Mammy...
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Open that door! You know how quick she can move!
0:21:47 > 0:21:51The thing is, Rory and Dino got married this morning.
0:21:51 > 0:21:52Just the two of them, on their own.
0:21:54 > 0:21:55Did you hear me, Mammy?
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Where the hell has she gone?
0:22:02 > 0:22:03Jesus!
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Rory did what? Why? When?
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Married. This morning.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- Without his mother?- Yes! - Just like that?- Just like that.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Rory, you're here! Thank God!
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Out of the way, Cathy, move!
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Come back here, you bastard!
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Maria, is this true?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24First I heard of it!
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Let me go and check with Dermot.
0:22:27 > 0:22:28Freeze!
0:22:33 > 0:22:36It's true, Mammy. I'm so sorry.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Well, there's only one thing to be said, isn't there?
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Thank fuck!
0:22:46 > 0:22:49- What?- Good man, Rory!
0:22:49 > 0:22:50What is it, Agnes?
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Rory and Dino, they've eloped.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Ah, feck it! And after me buying new flippers!
0:22:59 > 0:23:01They might take them back.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05Mammy, you don't mind about there not being a big wedding?
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Mind?
0:23:07 > 0:23:11I don't want to see my Rory as a tit in white satin.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Or drowning in a tankful of seahorses.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17I want to see my Rory as my Rory.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19So do I.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Good, well, you get in touch with him then.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Tell him to get home. Him and Dino, his husband,
0:23:25 > 0:23:28to get back here as quick as they can.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30We'll throw a surprise party for them!
0:23:30 > 0:23:31That's a great idea!
0:23:31 > 0:23:32Cup of tea, love?
0:23:32 > 0:23:34I have it, Mammy.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37Where did you get that milk?
0:23:39 > 0:23:40In the fridge!
0:23:40 > 0:23:43They hid the fuckin' fridge!
0:23:48 > 0:23:49What the hell is that?
0:23:49 > 0:23:52It's a cake I baked in the microwave.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54It's no good, Cathy.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Well, did you follow every bit of the recipe?
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Every bit. Three eggs, cup of milk,
0:24:00 > 0:24:0245 ounces of flour.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08"Four to five ounces of flour."
0:24:09 > 0:24:13I can't believe we're getting three series out of that fuckin' joke!
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Right, that's 50 balloons there.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Just pull that string and they'll all come down together.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Right, that'll be your job.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30We all come out of hiding in the kitchen and shout "Surprise",
0:24:30 > 0:24:32you pull the string.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35- Pull the string...OK. - You'd better hide behind that chair.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Winnie, I don't know if I've ever been more excited!
0:24:38 > 0:24:42- Remember that coach trip when you whipped off your knickers?- Winnie!
0:24:44 > 0:24:47I'm just making a comment, not a fuckin' comparison!
0:24:47 > 0:24:49DOORBELL RINGS
0:24:49 > 0:24:50I'll get it.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52That's them, everybody! Into the kitchen!
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Quick, quick!
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Surprise!
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Buster, for feck's sake!
0:25:09 > 0:25:10Does that look like a gay couple to you?
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Gather up those balloons and put them back in.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Look, everyone, Rory wouldn't ring the doorbell.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24And I told him to honk his horn when he's coming up the road.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27So don't be panicking. We'll have plenty of time to hide.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Father Damien, what are you doing here?
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Like the rest of you, I came to celebrate the happy couple.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34I thought you didn't accept gay marriage?
0:25:34 > 0:25:37No, Mrs Brown. I said the church was against it.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39I'm happy to celebrate love in whatever shape it comes.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41- HORN HONKS - That's them. Places!
0:25:47 > 0:25:50I think I'm going to wet meself with excitement!
0:25:50 > 0:25:51- Mammy...- What?
0:25:51 > 0:25:53You deserve this moment.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Thanks, love. Here we go!
0:25:55 > 0:25:57CAR APPROACHES
0:25:57 > 0:25:58TYRES SCREECH
0:25:58 > 0:26:00BANG
0:26:09 > 0:26:10Surprise!
0:26:18 > 0:26:20AIRBAG POPS
0:26:20 > 0:26:21RORY SQUEALS
0:26:38 > 0:26:40LOCKS BEEP
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Mammy, I'm so sorry!
0:26:51 > 0:26:53Mammy, say something!
0:26:56 > 0:26:58I didn't like this fuckin' kitchen anyway!
0:27:02 > 0:27:04RHYTHMIC CLAPPING
0:27:14 > 0:27:17# Go grease lightning You're burning up the quarter mile.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20# Grease lightning Go grease lightning!
0:27:20 > 0:27:23# Go grease lightning, you're coasting through the heat lap trial
0:27:23 > 0:27:26# Grease lightning Go grease lightning!
0:27:26 > 0:27:29- # You are supreme- Ah-ah - The chicks'll scream- Ah-ah
0:27:29 > 0:27:32- # For grease lightning!- Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
0:27:32 > 0:27:35# Go grease lightning You're burning up the quarter mile
0:27:35 > 0:27:37# Grease lightning Go grease lightning!
0:27:37 > 0:27:41# Go grease lightning, you're coasting through the heat lap trial
0:27:41 > 0:27:43# Grease lightning Go grease lightning!
0:27:43 > 0:27:46- # You are supreme- Ah-ah - The chicks'll scream- Ah-ah
0:27:46 > 0:27:51# For grease lightning!
0:27:51 > 0:27:55# Lightning!
0:27:55 > 0:28:01# Lightning! #
0:28:06 > 0:28:07Good night!
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Here we go!
0:28:12 > 0:28:14MUSIC: "Greased Lightning" from Grease
0:28:53 > 0:28:58Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:58 > 0:29:01Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!