0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09- SHOUTING OUTSIDE - At least someone's having a worse New Year's Eve than me.
0:00:09 > 0:00:13- Pauline...- What's going on?- Jason and Kelly are having an argument.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16They were meant to be seeing the new year in at the pub,
0:00:16 > 0:00:19- but they've come home.- I don't know why he doesn't just thump her.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22- Reg! - Not hard. Just a little whack.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25- Just enough to shut her up. - Reg, stop it, that's awful.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28- Well... - If it was up to me,
0:00:28 > 0:00:32I tell you now, Cathy, I'd love to have sex with a black man.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37That's got nothing to do with anything anyone's talking about.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40I would. I'd relish the opportunity.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44No, Maureen, it's Jason and Kelly. They're outside having an argument.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46- Yeah, I know! - We're not talking about sex!
0:00:46 > 0:00:50- I am!- Kelly's mum's here. - Oh, she's not, is she?
0:00:50 > 0:00:52- You all right, darling? - Yes.
0:00:52 > 0:00:57- Do you think you might be more comfortable on the sofa?- I'm fine.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59- Or a nice Jew. - How much have you drunk?
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Well, I'm just saying, before I die I'd like to have sex
0:01:02 > 0:01:05- with a black man and a Jew! - It's Jason and Kelly!
0:01:05 > 0:01:09- Yeah, I know!- We're not talking about black people or Jewish people
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- or anything like that! - I know!
0:01:12 > 0:01:16- But I've never had sex with one! - Good! You'd eat him alive.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18- Oh, shut up.- Like the Jews haven't got enough to worry about
0:01:18 > 0:01:21- without you trying to sleep with them.- More sherry, Reg?
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Just a drop, Cathy. Don't go mad.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Are you kidding me?
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Why are you having a go at me?
0:01:31 > 0:01:32You're being racist.
0:01:32 > 0:01:33SHE SCOFFS
0:01:33 > 0:01:36I'm saying I want to make love to them!
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Yes, we've heard! Thank you.
0:01:40 > 0:01:45- OUTSIDE:- Kelly! Come back, I'm only joking. Kell!
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Stop being a drama queen!
0:01:48 > 0:01:53Look at the face, Jason! Jason! Look at her stupid face...
0:01:55 > 0:01:59You don't have to be so stupid all your life, Kell!
0:01:59 > 0:02:01- Seriously, babe!- Just tell me what I've said, Kelly!
0:02:01 > 0:02:03ARGUMENT CONTINUES
0:02:03 > 0:02:06# I got my ticket for the wrong way round
0:02:06 > 0:02:09# Two bottle whiskey for the way
0:02:09 > 0:02:13# And I sure would like some sweet company
0:02:13 > 0:02:16# Oh, I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say?
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- # When I'm gone - When I'm gone
0:02:19 > 0:02:21- # When I'm gone - When I'm gone
0:02:21 > 0:02:24# You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
0:02:24 > 0:02:26# You're gonna miss me by my hair
0:02:26 > 0:02:29# You're gonna miss me everywhere
0:02:29 > 0:02:33# You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
0:02:33 > 0:02:38# I got my ticket for the long way round
0:02:38 > 0:02:41# The one with the prettiest view
0:02:41 > 0:02:43# It's got mountains, it's got rivers
0:02:43 > 0:02:45# It's got woods that'll give you shivers
0:02:45 > 0:02:48# But it sure would be prettier with you
0:02:48 > 0:02:50- # When I'm gone - When I'm gone
0:02:50 > 0:02:53- # When I'm gone - When I'm gone
0:02:53 > 0:02:57# You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. #
0:03:01 > 0:03:04I can't believe I've upset her.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06The one thing you have to remember about women, Jason,
0:03:06 > 0:03:11- is that they are all despicable. - Oh, come on, Grandad.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Women are the same as men, if not better.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16- Yeah. They're little angels. - Yeah.- Mm.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19You should see your grandmother in the shower.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22That'd burst your bubble.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25What?
0:03:25 > 0:03:27I love New Year's Eve.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30I've been looking forward to it for... Well, for just under a year.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32And now look at me.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36PHONE BEEPS Do you want to talk about it, love?
0:03:38 > 0:03:40I've just been texting my friend, Mary?
0:03:40 > 0:03:42The one I met from carol-singing?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Oh, yeah. What does she say?
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Well, she's nice and she listens,
0:03:47 > 0:03:50but then she just goes on about the New Testament.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53- Have you read it?- Not really.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55She made me read it.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58(Poor Jesus.)
0:03:58 > 0:03:59What a way to go.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01PHONE BEEPS
0:04:01 > 0:04:06Do you know which woman I've always liked? Fergie. Sarah Ferguson.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Oh, yeah. Bloody hell.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11And her kids.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14She's really...deep.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17She really cares about normal people. It keeps her awake at night.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20She's very down to earth.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22- You read her books? - No. Are they good?
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Oh, they're bloody brilliant.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27And it isn't that he was talking to a girl. I mean, it's Jason,
0:04:27 > 0:04:31isn't it? He wouldn't cheat on anyone, not even me.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37- You know he said he didn't get that job in Australia?- Yeah.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39He was telling this girl he did.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- He was just boasting, love.- No.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43He was telling her all about it,
0:04:43 > 0:04:46saying he's going to move there in February.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47DOORBELL RINGS
0:04:47 > 0:04:51- Do you need to answer it? Sorry. - No. I'm sure someone will get it.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- Sorry, my hands are all covered in chicken.- I'll get it.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57- I want to hear about this budgie. - No, Reg. He's a helicopter.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00But he just happens to be called Budgie.
0:05:00 > 0:05:04- DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN - My God, she's clever.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Answer it. Go on. Don't worry about me.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10- I need to reply to Mary.- No, I'm sure someone will let them in.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- I should probably go down.- Yeah.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27Look who I found in the gutter!
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Can I make myself a tea, Cathy? If I can work out which tin it's in!
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Hello, Michael. Everything OK with your mum?
0:05:36 > 0:05:39- Yes...- He stuck a pillow in her face. Put her out of her misery.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43SHE LAUGHS
0:05:43 > 0:05:44How did she know?
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Do you know where the tea's kept?
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Pauline, babe. Do you know where the tea's kept?
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Er...there's a pot somewhere with "tea" written on it.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11Yeah. Exactly.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14SHE LAUGHS
0:06:28 > 0:06:30So, how was Christmas?
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Yeah, it was quiet, yeah. We had Reg and Maureen for lunch.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37- I bet that was nice. - Michael...
0:06:37 > 0:06:41- How was yours?- Yeah. It was nice to have the girls together.
0:06:41 > 0:06:42Less nice to see Abi.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50- New shoes?- Yeah.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52- The girls got me them.- Ah.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54And now you feel guilty if you don't wear them?
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Why do you think I'm wearing this cardigan?
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Oh, and Maureen - you'll like this -
0:07:00 > 0:07:03she wants to have sex with a black man.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- Where did that come from?- Nowhere.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Had nothing to do with anything that anyone was saying about anything.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15- She just came out with it.- Any black man in particular?- Nope.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21- Lovely.- Oh, erm...- Cathy...
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Cathy, can I get the code for your wifi?
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Erm, I was just about to make some tea for Maureen so...
0:07:27 > 0:07:30There's some pretty influential people trying to contact me
0:07:30 > 0:07:33so it's rather more important than a cup of tea for that racist bitch.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36Right.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54Me and Geoff's New Year's Eve parties were legendary.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56In 2004, at Emma Marston's Easter brunch,
0:07:56 > 0:07:58they were still going on about my blinis.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Well, I'm sure it won't be the same without you.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03No, it won't. I know it won't.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07I mean, they'll all be there. Peter and Sarah Beckwith, obviously.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09They'll leave as soon as they've eaten.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11The Morgans and their daughter with the MBE.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15- Wow! What did she get that for? - Oh, please.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19If it was a CBE I'd be impressed, Cathy, but an MBE?
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Come on. It's not even an OBE.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Sorry, I'm just trying to think where I've put that little card
0:08:24 > 0:08:27- with the wifi code on it. - Don't be sorry, Cathy.
0:08:27 > 0:08:28Thanks.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Just be quicker.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35- One year at midnight, we all ended up in the pool.- No!
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Oh, yeah. They threw me in!
0:08:37 > 0:08:39You'll have to speak louder. I can't hear you.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43- She's not speaking to you, Reg. - Right. Sorry. As you were.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45I used to have a swimming pool.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47A swimming pool? What do you do in it?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- Swim.- Where?
0:08:50 > 0:08:54- To the end.- Then what?
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Back again.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58What a fucking waste of time.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01When my divorce settlement comes through,
0:09:01 > 0:09:04I'll be able to afford 34 swimming pools.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06I'm sure they're all texting you, sweetie, wondering where you are.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10Yes, I know and saying what a boring party it is without me. I know.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12I'm not bothered, anyway.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17- I've heard it's prosecco this year, rather than champagne.- God...!
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24- Small J.- How small?
0:09:24 > 0:09:25Er...
0:09:25 > 0:09:27The smallest one you've got.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29- Go on.- Seven.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31- Seven?- Yep.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- The number or the word, Cathy? - The number.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36- And a capital P.- Thank you.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43They sometimes take a while to come through, don't they?
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- Have you tried refreshing... - I don't need your help.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Oh, wow, Michael!
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Just some bits and pieces for the family.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Just to say happy Christmas.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Oh, lovely. Thanks. I've always wanted diabetes.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07THEY CHUCKLE
0:10:07 > 0:10:09No, thanks, that's really kind of you.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12- Erm...- Michael!
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Michael! Come here
0:10:15 > 0:10:18before I come out there and I grab your lovely little bum!
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- Right, I'd better...- Yeah.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Sorry.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Hey, Michael, do you know where the tea's kept?
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Cathy? Cathy?
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Can I take this for the cats?
0:10:31 > 0:10:33- Is Kelly all right? - Quick, it's dripping.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Not really, love. I think you should go and talk to her.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40- Yeah. Probably.- Cathy!
0:10:40 > 0:10:43People might want some, Reg. It's the nice one, it was expensive.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Good. They'll like that.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48- Take all of it. I'll have some in the morning.- I am!
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Has she got any roll mops?
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Has she got any roll mops?
0:10:53 > 0:10:56- Yeah, it's right next to my bed. - OK.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- Yeah. It's basically next to my pillow.- Very nice.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02So, in the mornings, I don't have to get up or anything.
0:11:02 > 0:11:07I just wake up, reach in my little fridge and get myself a can of Coke.
0:11:07 > 0:11:08Very nice.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13I keep beers in it, too, for bedtime.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16- Nice shoes.- Thanks.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Geoff and I didn't have a fridge in our bedroom.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23We had a little woman with a limp. We got her over on a coach
0:11:23 > 0:11:27from Gdansk and we just used to ring a bell and she'd get us things.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33There you are. Has anyone been in touch?
0:11:33 > 0:11:36No, not yet, but it's fine.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40I've decided I'm not bothered by it all, so... I'm sure they'll text
0:11:40 > 0:11:42in the morning and tell me how bad it was without me
0:11:42 > 0:11:46and, in the meantime, I'm just going to relax and have a nice evening.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48PHONE BEEPS
0:11:54 > 0:11:57- Sorry, I was wondering where you were.- Yes.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00- No, and that's fine. Yes. - DOORBELL RINGS
0:12:00 > 0:12:04Yeah, come in, love. Come in. It's freezing out there.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06She's just upstairs.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08This is my boyfriend, Ryan.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Ryan. It's spelt with a Y not an I.
0:12:11 > 0:12:12Yeah.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15A lot of people think it's short for Brian.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18- Do they?- Yeah.- But it's not short for anything, is it, babe?
0:12:18 > 0:12:22No, it's just a normal name like Mark or Jonathan.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23Interesting.
0:12:23 > 0:12:24All right, babe?
0:12:24 > 0:12:27- Kelly! Debbie's here!- And Ryan.
0:12:27 > 0:12:28And Ryan!
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Oh, my God, what am I like?!
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Here she is! The drama queen!
0:12:36 > 0:12:39- THEY LAUGH - Yeah!
0:12:39 > 0:12:44LIVELY CHAT IN HALLWAY
0:12:44 > 0:12:46- Has Carol made a cocktail?- Yeah.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- Do you want to try some? - Oh, don't. I can smell it from here.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- Do you know she's got Dave's fridge in her bedroom?- Yeah.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00- I think that's a good idea, don't you?- I thought that.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04Put some milk in it, buy a kettle, I'd never have to get out of bed.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08- Where would you wee? - The kettle.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10SHE LAUGHS
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Then just flick on the switch, make myself a cup of tea...
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Ha! Michael!
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Michael! Happy new year!
0:13:17 > 0:13:19I'm wearing a waistcoat.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Oh. Yeah.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Very nice, mate.
0:13:23 > 0:13:24Feel it, then.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- How was yours? - Yeah, good, actually. Thanks.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Pauline likes to spend her Christmas on the beach so I took her
0:13:39 > 0:13:42to Mykonos. Didn't I, didn't I?
0:13:42 > 0:13:44- Yes.- I did it all like a big surprise.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Packed her bags for her, got Priority Boarding,
0:13:46 > 0:13:48took off Christmas Eve.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50It was freezing cold and nothing was open.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Well, it's December, isn't it, darling?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54It was warmer in the sea, but she wouldn't get in.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57- You all right, love?- Yeah...
0:13:59 > 0:14:01No, I'm great. Yeah.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06- My mum's just being hilarious again.- Oh, Kell...
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Yeah...
0:14:09 > 0:14:10Um...
0:14:10 > 0:14:11What, love?
0:14:13 > 0:14:15You just called me Kell.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Does that mean you like me or...?
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Oh, Kelly, love. Of course I like you.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Oh, Kelly...
0:14:29 > 0:14:31No, I'm sorry,
0:14:31 > 0:14:35but that's just the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Well, this is boring.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49I think they've forgotten about us, babe.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Honestly.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55New Year's Eve and I'm stood in some old woman's hallway.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02I don't think they liked me, you know.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Of course they liked you, babe.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07I don't know.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11I think they might've found me a bit too...unconventional?
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Yeah. Do you know what? I wouldn't be surprised, actually.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16They're all, like, so conventional.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Yeah.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21I know you're, like, four times as old as me...
0:15:21 > 0:15:25- Not quite.- ..but even if Jason does go to Australia and dumps me
0:15:25 > 0:15:29and I never leave the house again, can we still be friends?
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Of course we can.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36My friend Mary from carol-singing, she's 89.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38I'm a little bit younger than her, aren't I?
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Oh, you're considerably younger, yeah.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45- And also you do look younger than she does.- Thanks.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49No, you do. Honestly. I'm not just saying that.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56I don't want Jason to go.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00- I can't live in Australia.- I know.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05I feel as sad as the sisters of Lazarus.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14He's upset about something.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16No, babe, he smiled at me.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18No, I can tell these things, babe. I'm an observer.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21I observe life. It's a gift.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26- Was that Jason?- Yeah.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33I think they're going upstairs to have sex together.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- Ryan!- What? - That's his mum!- Is it?
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- Yeah, babe!- You're kidding me.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42- I can't believe you just said that, babe.- Oh, my God, you're kidding me!
0:16:42 > 0:16:44She's fit.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46But then you can also wear it...
0:16:50 > 0:16:53- Very nice.- Yeah.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55So it's basically like buying two coats for the price of one.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58- Well done, love.- Yeah.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02- Looks nice, doesn't it? - Oh, it's lovely.
0:17:02 > 0:17:03Kelly chose it.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09So things didn't go well down the pub, then?
0:17:10 > 0:17:14Erm... No. Not really.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Yeah.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23It's a shame, really, cos Kelly loves New Year's Eve.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26It's like one of her best days of the year.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30It's up there with, like, Christmas, Halloween, April Fool's Day.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34- Do you remember Kelly on April Fool's Day?- Yeah.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36She's so funny.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Did she, er...
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- Did she tell you what's wrong? - Erm...
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Yeah, she did, love. Yeah.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56So, erm...
0:17:57 > 0:17:59What's wrong with her, then?
0:18:01 > 0:18:03I think you know what's wrong with her, love.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Why didn't you tell me you got the job?
0:18:17 > 0:18:19You've done so well.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Your dad would've been blown away.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30If you want to go to Australia,
0:18:30 > 0:18:32if it's really important to you...
0:18:35 > 0:18:36..you have to go.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43I think the problem is, though, Mum, that...
0:18:43 > 0:18:44I love Kelly.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48I've never met anyone like her.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52I mean, she's a nutcase, but she makes me laugh. She's hilarious.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55And there's not a bad bone in her body
0:18:55 > 0:18:58and the way she's been with me with everything with Dad...
0:19:00 > 0:19:01I'm so lucky to have her.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06- And she really likes you. - Yeah. I've noticed that.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11But, like...
0:19:11 > 0:19:14She doesn't want to go Australia.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17She sort of pretends she does, but she's such a bad liar.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22I can't make her move there, can I?
0:19:26 > 0:19:27Mum...
0:19:29 > 0:19:31..I can't, though, can I?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35That's not for me to say, love.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45You can learn to surf in Cornwall.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Yeah. I've heard that.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53And I was thinking one year me and Kell could save our holidays up
0:19:53 > 0:19:56and we could go Australia for, like, a month or something.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58- That would be lovely.- Yeah.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03I should go and talk to her about it, shouldn't I?
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Yeah, that would be a nice thing to do.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11What do you think you're going to say?
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Dunno.
0:20:14 > 0:20:15That I'm not going?
0:20:19 > 0:20:23I think, sometimes, what you gotta do in life, Mum, is you've got to
0:20:23 > 0:20:27think about what's best and what's important in the long term,
0:20:27 > 0:20:30and not just always do what you want to do in, like, the short term.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35I sort of don't ever want to be away from her, do I?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39She's like my twin.
0:20:40 > 0:20:41Do you know what I mean?
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Yeah. I do.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Just need a wee first or I won't be able to concentrate.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10And then he comes in with this little mouse.
0:21:10 > 0:21:11Tiny little thing it was.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Sorry, Reg, Pauline's not really in the mood.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15All right, all right. Just let me finish.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18About this big he was. Still alive. He's got it in his mouth.
0:21:18 > 0:21:22He puts it down on the carpet, it's still alive, this tiny
0:21:22 > 0:21:25little mouse. You could fit it on your finger. Sweet little fella.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27He comes in with it in his mouth and he drops it on the carpet.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30- Can we talk about this later? - It won't take long.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33So I take him by his tail. Tiny little thing.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36I take him by his tail and he's spinning about,
0:21:36 > 0:21:39he's absolutely terrified. I took him by his tail,
0:21:39 > 0:21:43looked him in the eye and smashed his skull against the wall.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47What's he saying?!
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Left a mark on the wallpaper.
0:21:50 > 0:21:51She'll never notice.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53You killed a mouse?
0:21:53 > 0:21:55It was only a little one.
0:21:57 > 0:21:58Oh.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10I thought you'd given up.
0:22:10 > 0:22:11So did I.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20FIREWORKS WHISTLE AND EXPLODE
0:22:23 > 0:22:25I've never really liked New Year's Eve.
0:22:27 > 0:22:28No, me neither.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33I never understood what it was I was supposed to be celebrating.
0:22:36 > 0:22:37Dave used to love it, didn't he?
0:22:37 > 0:22:40- Mm.- But he was like that.
0:22:41 > 0:22:42Yeah.
0:22:47 > 0:22:48It's been a funny year.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Mm-hm.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55I lost my husband, but I gained Kelly, so...
0:22:55 > 0:22:56I guess it evens out.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02- And your wrist. - Oh, yeah! Forgot about that.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06How is it?
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Oh, yeah, it's completely fine. Yeah.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11That's good.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16What about you?
0:23:16 > 0:23:18I think you've got a fan in Carol.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
0:23:20 > 0:23:24No, no, no, no. I'll not be going there, don't worry.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Why not?
0:23:26 > 0:23:27Not my type.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Oh, so you've got a type, have you?
0:23:30 > 0:23:31Yeah.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Well, thank you for the chocolates and the biscuits,
0:23:47 > 0:23:49I'll be sure to let my doctor know that I'll be eating them.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54I've been trying to give you this.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59- Have you?- Mm.
0:23:59 > 0:24:00It's just to say thank you
0:24:00 > 0:24:04because I don't think I could've got through this year without you, so...
0:24:04 > 0:24:06The year would've been a lot quicker.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10No, it's just a thank you. That's all.
0:24:10 > 0:24:11Happy Christmas.
0:24:13 > 0:24:14Thank you.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Aren't you going to open it?
0:24:20 > 0:24:21Mm.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34THEY CHUCKLE
0:24:34 > 0:24:36It's very nice. Thank you.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Are you not going to look at the, erm...?
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Aw.
0:24:47 > 0:24:52- Do you remember that Chinese meal? - I remember. I remember.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Oh!
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Oh, I tried my best.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01- Well, it tasted better than it looked.- Move on.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Oh, I'm not... I'm not really sure what that's meant to be.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Well, it's Kelly, wasn't it, on April Fool's Day but...
0:25:08 > 0:25:11- Oh, yeah, God, she was mad! - Yeah, I know!
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Aww!
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Ha! I got it up eventually.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22You did very well for a man who'd never put a telly on a wall.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26I didn't know what to put.
0:25:26 > 0:25:27- Very arty.- Thank you.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30Oh...
0:25:30 > 0:25:32HE LAUGHS
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Oh, thanks, thanks, Michael.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36It's your face, it's funny.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Oh! Just wait till we get to November.
0:25:41 > 0:25:45- Oh, that was a long night for you, you poor wee thing.- Mm.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47I had you there with me, didn't I?
0:25:48 > 0:25:49Yeah.
0:25:52 > 0:25:53Oohhh...
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Oh, God!
0:25:57 > 0:26:00I can't... I can't even remember taking that.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04No, no, I expect you were too busy smashing my digital photo frame.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Oi! Dickheads! It's nearly midnight!
0:26:49 > 0:26:51I think she means us.
0:26:52 > 0:26:53Yep.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59- I've never really thought of myself as a dickhead.- I have.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Have you? That's really nice of you. Thanks, Michael.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05But I think I'm... I think I'm more of an arsehole.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08- Oh, yeah, I can see that. - Can you?- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10I've always definitely thought you were a right arsehole.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12THEY LAUGH
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Hello, everyone.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26All right, Michael?
0:27:26 > 0:27:30- We're not going to Australia. - Ah, good, mate.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Mum, he's not going to Australia...
0:27:33 > 0:27:36LIVELY CHAT IN LIVING ROOM
0:27:55 > 0:27:59Michael! Michael! It's nearly midnight!
0:27:59 > 0:28:04LIVELY CHAT
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Big Ben! Shush!
0:28:06 > 0:28:08It's Big Ben!
0:28:08 > 0:28:09ALL: Ten, nine
0:28:09 > 0:28:11eight, seven,
0:28:11 > 0:28:13six, five,
0:28:13 > 0:28:15four, three,
0:28:15 > 0:28:17two, one!
0:28:17 > 0:28:21# I got my ticket for the long way round
0:28:21 > 0:28:24# Two bottle whiskey for the way
0:28:24 > 0:28:28# And I sure would like some sweet company
0:28:28 > 0:28:31# And I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say?
0:28:31 > 0:28:33# When I'm gone
0:28:33 > 0:28:36# When I'm gone
0:28:36 > 0:28:39# You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
0:28:39 > 0:28:41# You're gonna miss me by my hair
0:28:41 > 0:28:43# You're gonna miss me everywhere
0:28:43 > 0:28:46# You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. #