March

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0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language.

0:00:07 > 0:00:10- You all right?- Yeah.

0:00:11 > 0:00:16- I'm just looking at how fat all these women have got.- Nice.

0:00:16 > 0:00:19TABLE SQUEAKS

0:00:19 > 0:00:22- It's wobbly, isn't it?- Yeah.

0:00:22 > 0:00:25I'm worried it's going to break.

0:00:28 > 0:00:31- I can't believe you're 60. - Oh, I know, I know.

0:00:31 > 0:00:34If I met you for the first time I'd be like,

0:00:34 > 0:00:36"That woman is no older than 58."

0:00:36 > 0:00:38- Thanks, love.- That's all right.

0:00:40 > 0:00:45No, it does feel strange, though. Seems like only yesterday I was 18.

0:00:45 > 0:00:46Yeah.

0:00:48 > 0:00:51It wasn't only yesterday, though, was it, Cathy?

0:00:51 > 0:00:53No.

0:00:54 > 0:00:56It was 42 years ago.

0:00:58 > 0:01:02- Do you want to get off that table, love?- Erm...

0:01:02 > 0:01:04No, I'm good, thanks.

0:01:13 > 0:01:16So what age is it when you get the old lady smell?

0:01:20 > 0:01:23- What was that?- Erm...

0:01:25 > 0:01:28- Doesn't matter. - It's funny turning 60.

0:01:28 > 0:01:30- Yeah?- Yeah.

0:01:30 > 0:01:33I was saying to someone the other day.

0:01:33 > 0:01:35Someone was being really annoying

0:01:35 > 0:01:38and asking me loads of questions about my birthday.

0:01:38 > 0:01:39It was one of those people

0:01:39 > 0:01:42that always manages to say the wrong thing and you've just got to try

0:01:42 > 0:01:45and find a way of biting your tongue.

0:01:45 > 0:01:48Oh, yes! It was, um...

0:01:49 > 0:01:52- No-one.- No, go on, who was it?

0:01:52 > 0:01:54No, it was no-one, Kelly, honestly.

0:02:02 > 0:02:04- You all right, love?- Yeah.

0:02:04 > 0:02:06I've got, like, eight WhatsApps I need to reply to

0:02:06 > 0:02:09- and it's sort of getting me down. - Oh, dear.- Mm.

0:02:09 > 0:02:11Why don't you just reply to them?

0:02:11 > 0:02:13When?

0:02:13 > 0:02:15I'm so busy.

0:02:16 > 0:02:19What time's the carvery booked for?

0:02:19 > 0:02:212.30.

0:02:21 > 0:02:25Your nan and grandad are picking us up around 2.00, so...

0:02:25 > 0:02:28Oh, wow!

0:02:28 > 0:02:30Kelly did it.

0:02:30 > 0:02:32- Kel!- Coming!

0:02:34 > 0:02:36No way!

0:02:36 > 0:02:39- Kelly, I'm showing Mum the banner! - I'm coming!

0:02:39 > 0:02:43- She's enormous.- Kel, I'm showing Mum the banner!

0:02:43 > 0:02:45I'm coming!

0:02:46 > 0:02:49Kelly, I got the banner out!

0:02:51 > 0:02:52Kelly!

0:02:57 > 0:03:00I'm not being annoying, babe, I'm showing my mum the banner!

0:03:00 > 0:03:02If I say I'm coming...

0:03:06 > 0:03:08Kelly!

0:03:08 > 0:03:10..it means I'm coming.

0:03:10 > 0:03:12- She loves it.- Really?

0:03:12 > 0:03:16Yeah, it's amazing, Kelly. Thank you.

0:03:16 > 0:03:20I did a big number 60 so everyone could see how old you are.

0:03:20 > 0:03:22Great.

0:03:22 > 0:03:24And that's, uh...?

0:03:24 > 0:03:27- Skull and crossbones. Yeah.- Yeah.

0:03:27 > 0:03:30I was trying to capture a sense of the passing of time.

0:03:30 > 0:03:32Well, it's definitely done that.

0:03:32 > 0:03:34Shall we put it in the kitchen?

0:03:34 > 0:03:36I don't want the whole street knowing how old I am.

0:03:39 > 0:03:41What?

0:03:41 > 0:03:44THEY LAUGH

0:03:44 > 0:03:46What?

0:03:48 > 0:03:52- I knew something was going on. - Here she is, big sis!

0:03:52 > 0:03:54- Happy birthday!- Thank you.

0:03:54 > 0:03:57- I thought we were going to see you down the pub?- There's more to me

0:03:57 > 0:03:59- than meets the eye. - There really isn't.

0:03:59 > 0:04:03# I got my ticket for the long way round

0:04:03 > 0:04:05# Two bottle whisky for the way... #

0:04:05 > 0:04:09You rotten lot!

0:04:09 > 0:04:10Here.

0:04:10 > 0:04:13# Oh, I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say?

0:04:13 > 0:04:15- # When I'm gone - When I'm gone

0:04:15 > 0:04:18- # When I'm gone - When I'm gone

0:04:18 > 0:04:21# You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

0:04:21 > 0:04:22# You're gonna miss me by my hair

0:04:22 > 0:04:25# You're gonna miss me everywhere

0:04:25 > 0:04:28# You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

0:04:30 > 0:04:34# I got my ticket for the long way round

0:04:34 > 0:04:37# The one with the prettiest view

0:04:37 > 0:04:39# It's got mountains, it's got rivers

0:04:39 > 0:04:41# It's got woods that'll give you shivers

0:04:41 > 0:04:45# But it sure would be prettier with you

0:04:45 > 0:04:47- # When I'm gone - When I'm gone

0:04:47 > 0:04:50- # When I'm gone - When I'm gone

0:04:50 > 0:04:53# You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. #

0:04:59 > 0:05:03- You all right? - Yes, Cathy, I'm all right.

0:05:03 > 0:05:06- Derek said you were playing badminton.- Indeed.

0:05:06 > 0:05:10I was supposed to be playing with Rosalind Hampton-Jones.

0:05:13 > 0:05:16Her husband's Sir Nicholas Hampton-Jones.

0:05:16 > 0:05:19Oh, yes, I think you've mentioned them before.

0:05:19 > 0:05:23- Her nephew was at primary school with Kate Middleton.- That's it.

0:05:24 > 0:05:27But apparently, when she was four,

0:05:27 > 0:05:29Middleton was thick as shit.

0:05:30 > 0:05:33She pissed herself on a swing, she couldn't ride a bike

0:05:33 > 0:05:35and her spelling was a fucking car crash.

0:05:35 > 0:05:39- Well, it hasn't held her back, has it?- Hmm.

0:05:39 > 0:05:42Oh, you didn't need to bring any cake, I've made one.

0:05:42 > 0:05:43Yes, I thought you might.

0:05:45 > 0:05:47- Good carvery, is it? - Oh, yeah, it's amazing.

0:05:47 > 0:05:51- What kind of potatoes? - Boiled, roasted, mash.

0:05:51 > 0:05:55- Yeah.- Oh, fantastic - I love potatoes.- Yeah?- Yeah.

0:05:55 > 0:05:58I often think I could give it all up and sell the business,

0:05:58 > 0:06:02move to Ireland and start a potato farm.

0:06:02 > 0:06:05Ho-ho, I'll be in my element.

0:06:12 > 0:06:14Hello?

0:06:16 > 0:06:17Anyone?

0:06:35 > 0:06:40- What is it we're going for? - Carvery.- Carvery, yes.

0:06:40 > 0:06:43You'll have to help me a little, Cathy, I've never been to a, uh...

0:06:43 > 0:06:44- Carvery.- Carvery, yes.

0:06:44 > 0:06:46Well, you've got a treat in store.

0:06:46 > 0:06:49It's like a big roast dinner but with four different meats.

0:06:49 > 0:06:51Four different meats? How sophisticated.

0:06:51 > 0:06:54And do the waiters carve at the table, or...?

0:06:54 > 0:06:56No, there's no waiters, you just queue.

0:06:56 > 0:06:59- In a restaurant?- Well, it's more like a pub, really.

0:06:59 > 0:07:04You help yourself to veg, there's three types of potato,

0:07:04 > 0:07:07- and for dessert we get ice cream because it's all-you-can-eat.- Sorry.

0:07:07 > 0:07:09No.

0:07:10 > 0:07:12OK, this is, uh...

0:07:12 > 0:07:15Derek?

0:07:15 > 0:07:17- I hear we're going for a carvery. - Yeah.

0:07:17 > 0:07:20There's four different meats and three types of potato,

0:07:20 > 0:07:23but you can go through the vegetable bit as often as you like.

0:07:23 > 0:07:26I'm just going to, erm...

0:07:26 > 0:07:27Three types of potato!

0:07:27 > 0:07:30Are you out of your fucking mind?

0:07:30 > 0:07:33Roasted, boiled, dauphinoise...

0:07:33 > 0:07:35Come on, Pauline.

0:07:35 > 0:07:36Dauphinoise?

0:07:43 > 0:07:46- Seeing a flat on Thursday. - Oh, great, love.

0:07:46 > 0:07:49Yeah. It's only down the road so we can still come here for our dinner.

0:07:49 > 0:07:51Good.

0:07:51 > 0:07:53Michael's just pulled up.

0:07:53 > 0:07:56- Oh, has he?- Yeah.

0:07:56 > 0:08:01- You know Debbie, Kelly's cousin? - Yeah.- Goes out with Ryan?- Yeah.

0:08:01 > 0:08:04- Black hair.- Yeah, I know who she is, love.- Yeah, she was saying that,

0:08:04 > 0:08:08like, Michael's got a bit of a thing for you.

0:08:08 > 0:08:10LAUGHING: Yeah?

0:08:10 > 0:08:13And I was like, "He wishes!

0:08:13 > 0:08:16"Like Mum would ever go near him!"

0:08:20 > 0:08:22Cathy? Michael's here.

0:08:22 > 0:08:24She knows, babe, I told her.

0:08:24 > 0:08:28Babe? Can you tell your mum Michael's here?

0:08:28 > 0:08:30She knows, babe, I told her.

0:08:32 > 0:08:34LOUD POP, HE SHRIEKS

0:08:34 > 0:08:36Jesus Christ!

0:08:36 > 0:08:38HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

0:08:45 > 0:08:48- Hello?- Hello, Michael, mate. New shirt?

0:08:48 > 0:08:50Yeah.

0:08:51 > 0:08:54- You OK?- Yeah, good, actually, yeah.

0:08:54 > 0:08:56- I cut my toenails this morning. - Ah, great.

0:08:56 > 0:08:58Yeah, got a lot more room in my socks.

0:08:58 > 0:09:01- Good feeling.- One of the best, mate. One of the best.

0:09:02 > 0:09:04- Hello, Michael.- Hi.

0:09:06 > 0:09:08- I like your shirt.- Thanks.

0:09:09 > 0:09:11- You had a nice morning?- Yeah.

0:09:11 > 0:09:15- Er...my mum's having problems with her gutters again.- Oh.

0:09:15 > 0:09:18So, er, yeah, I cleaned out the hopper,

0:09:18 > 0:09:22fitted a new stop end, replaced some of the brackets

0:09:22 > 0:09:24that are coming away and then cleaned out the downpipes.

0:09:24 > 0:09:28There was a lot of leaves and muck and stuff,

0:09:28 > 0:09:30but good to get it all out.

0:09:31 > 0:09:32Hm.

0:09:34 > 0:09:37Do you want to have a look at how fat all these women have got?

0:09:37 > 0:09:39Maybe later?

0:09:42 > 0:09:43Can I go now?

0:09:43 > 0:09:45- Yeah.- Thanks.

0:09:47 > 0:09:49We haven't done our scratchcards, babe.

0:09:49 > 0:09:52Oh, I forgot about the scratchcards!

0:09:52 > 0:09:56Scratchcards? I am really good at scratchcards.

0:09:57 > 0:10:01INDISTINCT CHATTER IN LIVING ROOM

0:10:08 > 0:10:10- Happy birthday.- Oh, hello.

0:10:10 > 0:10:12New shirt?

0:10:12 > 0:10:15- Yeah.- Straight out of the packet?

0:10:15 > 0:10:17- Of course.- Classy.

0:10:17 > 0:10:20Do my best.

0:10:20 > 0:10:22Guess what I've made.

0:10:22 > 0:10:25- Oh, no.- Victoria sponge. - Don't make me eat it.

0:10:25 > 0:10:28I was going to make a great big chocolate one

0:10:28 > 0:10:30but I couldn't be arsed.

0:10:32 > 0:10:34Take your time.

0:10:34 > 0:10:36No need to rush, you've got all the time in the world.

0:10:44 > 0:10:46Think positively.

0:10:46 > 0:10:48You've got to think nice things to get nice things.

0:10:48 > 0:10:50That's how I got Pauline.

0:10:59 > 0:11:00You?

0:11:01 > 0:11:03No.

0:11:03 > 0:11:05No.

0:11:05 > 0:11:09Oh, well. Don't worry, buy another one tomorrow.

0:11:09 > 0:11:13I just thought I'd bring the presents round before we, er...

0:11:13 > 0:11:16- Oh, thanks, Michael. - You've not seen them yet.

0:11:16 > 0:11:18It's just a bottle of beer and a toilet roll.

0:11:18 > 0:11:20Wouldn't surprise me.

0:11:20 > 0:11:23Right, well, I'll just use your loo, then.

0:11:23 > 0:11:25Er...

0:11:25 > 0:11:26You didn't need to know that.

0:11:26 > 0:11:30And then I'll go and get all the presents from the car.

0:11:30 > 0:11:32"All the presents"?

0:11:33 > 0:11:35- Yeah.- Wow.

0:11:35 > 0:11:38- I wouldn't get excited.- No, I'm not.

0:11:38 > 0:11:41- I mean, it's you, isn't it? So... - Yeah. Well, I'll, er...

0:11:43 > 0:11:47- It's quicker that way. - Yeah.- Yeah.- Yeah.

0:12:04 > 0:12:09Oh, for God's sake. I mean, honestly. Jesus Christ!

0:12:10 > 0:12:13- What've they done to the house? - They've decorated it.

0:12:13 > 0:12:16- Why?- Because they're fucking idiots.

0:12:16 > 0:12:18All right, Nan, Grandad?

0:12:18 > 0:12:21- What's happened to your head? - Nothing, I'm fine.

0:12:21 > 0:12:23- I wasn't out for long.- What's that?

0:12:23 > 0:12:24A banana.

0:12:24 > 0:12:28What the fuck are you eating one of them for?

0:12:28 > 0:12:30- Look at that one.- No.

0:12:30 > 0:12:33- Same person five years later.- No.

0:12:35 > 0:12:36What a monster.

0:12:36 > 0:12:38What a beast.

0:12:38 > 0:12:40I think this one's quite sad, actually,

0:12:40 > 0:12:43- cos I think she had a breakdown. - I can't look at that.

0:12:43 > 0:12:48And that's her...20 years ago.

0:12:49 > 0:12:54What a big...fat...lazy bitch.

0:12:55 > 0:12:59- Happy birthday, Cathy. - Thanks, Reg.- How old are you?

0:12:59 > 0:13:0160.

0:13:01 > 0:13:03- Sorry to hear that.- Thanks!

0:13:03 > 0:13:06- Happy birthday, Cathy. - Thanks, Maureen.

0:13:06 > 0:13:08Give her her present. It's in the bag.

0:13:08 > 0:13:10- Which bag, Nan?- The yellow one.

0:13:15 > 0:13:17What happened to your head, Reg?

0:13:17 > 0:13:19She wants me to see a doctor just because I slipped in the shower

0:13:19 > 0:13:23and I've had occasional bouts of sickness and memory loss.

0:13:23 > 0:13:26And occasional bouts of sickness and memory loss.

0:13:26 > 0:13:29HE MUTTERS

0:13:30 > 0:13:32TOILET FLUSHES

0:13:32 > 0:13:33CATHY: Oh, shit.

0:13:52 > 0:13:55INDISTINCT CHATTER DOWNSTAIRS

0:13:56 > 0:13:58- REG:- Cathy? We're going to the Toby, are we?

0:13:58 > 0:14:01- Yeah, the one in Buckhurst Hill. - Right.

0:14:04 > 0:14:06So you go left out of the house...

0:14:06 > 0:14:08Are you listening?!

0:14:08 > 0:14:11- Yes! Bloody hell, I'm just helping Maureen.- Left out of the house.

0:14:11 > 0:14:13No need to shout. Blimey, Reg.

0:14:13 > 0:14:17- You go down the end of the road, you turn left.- You turn right!

0:14:17 > 0:14:18Oh, don't get involved.

0:14:18 > 0:14:20You go through Woodford.

0:14:20 > 0:14:23- Woodford?!- Michael, how do we get to the carvery?

0:14:23 > 0:14:25- New shirt?- Yeah.

0:14:26 > 0:14:28You should have ironed it.

0:14:28 > 0:14:32- Yep.- So it's left out of the house, left at the end of the road,

0:14:32 > 0:14:36- left onto Chingford Lane. - And then right at the roundabout.

0:14:36 > 0:14:40- Roundabout?!- Left out of the house, left at the end of the road

0:14:40 > 0:14:43and right onto Chingford Lane.

0:14:43 > 0:14:44My right or your right?

0:14:44 > 0:14:50- It's just a right.- Yeah, but is it your right or her right or my right?

0:14:50 > 0:14:53Well, it's just a right. It's everybody's right.

0:14:53 > 0:14:55It's everybody's right to do what?

0:14:55 > 0:14:57Do you want to put your phone down, love?

0:14:57 > 0:15:00I feel like maybe you're not listening properly.

0:15:02 > 0:15:04Then instead of going left,

0:15:04 > 0:15:07you go right towards Highams Park.

0:15:07 > 0:15:11You stupid bastard.

0:15:11 > 0:15:13Highams Park!

0:15:13 > 0:15:15What?

0:15:15 > 0:15:17You silly prick.

0:15:17 > 0:15:21- You all right, mate?- Yeah.

0:15:21 > 0:15:23Just popping out to the car to get some presents for your mum.

0:15:23 > 0:15:26That's nice of ya. You know,

0:15:26 > 0:15:30people take the piss out of ya, but you're a good bloke.

0:15:30 > 0:15:32Do they?

0:15:32 > 0:15:34Don't like it when you laugh at me.

0:15:34 > 0:15:36HE LAUGHS

0:15:36 > 0:15:39I might not look it but I'm actually quite sensitive.

0:15:39 > 0:15:42Highams Park!

0:15:42 > 0:15:44Highams Park!

0:15:45 > 0:15:49- Some Milk Tray, a plant and a Now album.- Oh, very nice.

0:15:49 > 0:15:52Well, it's not every day she's 60. What you got her?

0:15:52 > 0:15:56- Ah, not much, you know. - Nice motor.- Thanks.

0:15:58 > 0:16:02Yeah, just some bits and pieces to keep her busy.

0:16:02 > 0:16:04It looks more than it is.

0:16:06 > 0:16:08All these are for my mum?

0:16:10 > 0:16:11Erm...

0:16:11 > 0:16:13Did you like your presents?

0:16:13 > 0:16:15Yes, of course, they're lovely.

0:16:15 > 0:16:17Hm.

0:16:17 > 0:16:19I was going to make one of Dave

0:16:19 > 0:16:23but I thought it might be weird because he's dead.

0:16:23 > 0:16:24Yeah.

0:16:28 > 0:16:29You OK, love?

0:16:33 > 0:16:36We're like best friends, aren't we?

0:16:36 > 0:16:40Well, not like friends, but, like... I'm in love with you?

0:16:40 > 0:16:43- OK. - Because you know age doesn't matter.

0:16:43 > 0:16:45But it does, obviously,

0:16:45 > 0:16:49cos no-one's going to give a job to a baby or an old person.

0:16:49 > 0:16:51Do you want to talk about something?

0:16:51 > 0:16:53SHE SIGHS HEAVILY

0:16:54 > 0:16:56I've just got all of these thoughts.

0:16:56 > 0:16:59I'm not very good at, like, turning them into, like...

0:16:59 > 0:17:00It's OK, love.

0:17:03 > 0:17:07- No, no, but look at it like this - you open the boot...- Yeah.

0:17:07 > 0:17:10- ..and you're saying you've got presents for my mum.- Yeah.

0:17:10 > 0:17:14And I'm like, "There's about 20 in there." That one's massive!

0:17:14 > 0:17:15Yeah, no...

0:17:15 > 0:17:20- I can see why you...- It's a bit weird, Michael, even for you.

0:17:20 > 0:17:22No.

0:17:22 > 0:17:24These are for MY mum.

0:17:24 > 0:17:31Her fingers aren't as good any more so I wrap up her presents for her.

0:17:31 > 0:17:37- OK.- Yeah, no, they're not for YOUR mum, they're for MY mum.

0:17:37 > 0:17:39These are for her great-grandchildren,

0:17:39 > 0:17:41my niece's kids.

0:17:44 > 0:17:46HE LAUGHS

0:17:46 > 0:17:50Oh, I see!

0:17:50 > 0:17:52Oh, I get it now. Sorry, mate.

0:17:52 > 0:17:55This...

0:17:55 > 0:17:59This is for your mum. Nice bottle of wine and, er...

0:17:59 > 0:18:02- Is that white?- Yeah.

0:18:02 > 0:18:04- Oh, yeah, she'll like that.- Good.

0:18:04 > 0:18:06And, er...

0:18:06 > 0:18:08Yeah, that's about it.

0:18:08 > 0:18:12- Do you want me to take that in and give it to her?- No, it's all right.

0:18:14 > 0:18:17Sorry about that, mate.

0:18:17 > 0:18:19That's funny, that, innit?

0:18:19 > 0:18:21Yeah.

0:18:21 > 0:18:23That's going to make me chuckle, that is.

0:18:23 > 0:18:27That's like a classic misunderstanding.

0:18:27 > 0:18:29Yeah.

0:18:40 > 0:18:43But it's going to be so hard for you when you don't have me and Jason

0:18:43 > 0:18:45here to look after you.

0:18:45 > 0:18:50Oh, I guess I'll just sit in the garden, watch whatever telly I like.

0:18:50 > 0:18:54It's just going to be so, so quiet.

0:18:54 > 0:18:56- Is it?- Yeah.

0:18:56 > 0:19:00Cos me and Jason, we've, like, got each other.

0:19:00 > 0:19:02We, like, sleep together.

0:19:02 > 0:19:05We have sex.

0:19:05 > 0:19:06I've noticed.

0:19:06 > 0:19:08He's really good at it.

0:19:08 > 0:19:10I bet he gets that off you, doesn't he?

0:19:10 > 0:19:14- I bet you were really thorough back in the day.- Go and get ready, love.

0:19:14 > 0:19:17I think it's very exciting that you and Jason are getting your own

0:19:17 > 0:19:21place - and you don't need to worry about me at all, I'll be fine.

0:19:21 > 0:19:24- Kelly, you ready? - But I do worry about you, though.

0:19:24 > 0:19:27I think about you even when I'm thinking about other things.

0:19:27 > 0:19:30- Thanks. - You don't have to thank me, Cathy.

0:19:30 > 0:19:33- I do it because I love you.- Kelly.

0:19:34 > 0:19:37I was just telling your mum about how empty her life's going to be

0:19:37 > 0:19:38when we move out...

0:19:38 > 0:19:42CONVERSATION CARRIES ON INDISTINCTLY

0:19:53 > 0:19:54She works in Sainsbury's?

0:19:54 > 0:19:58Yeah, she's been working there for a year or something.

0:20:00 > 0:20:01Does she get a discount?

0:20:01 > 0:20:04WHISPERING: That's what I've been wanting to ask her.

0:20:04 > 0:20:06- You all right? - No, good, love, yeah, yeah.

0:20:06 > 0:20:08I just need to get my make-up.

0:20:08 > 0:20:09Let me get that for you.

0:20:09 > 0:20:12Oh, thanks.

0:20:12 > 0:20:14- Thank you.- You don't need make-up.

0:20:14 > 0:20:17You're beautiful just as you are.

0:20:17 > 0:20:19Oh.

0:20:20 > 0:20:21Wow.

0:20:23 > 0:20:25Thank you.

0:20:26 > 0:20:27Thanks, Reg.

0:20:31 > 0:20:33I'll get a discount if it fucking kills me.

0:20:35 > 0:20:38There he is. Everything sorted?

0:20:38 > 0:20:41Let's have a look at all these presents, then.

0:20:43 > 0:20:45- Happy birthday.- Oh.

0:20:45 > 0:20:48Ooh, thank you.

0:20:48 > 0:20:49Wonder what this is.

0:20:51 > 0:20:54- Like I said, it's nothing, really. - Thanks.

0:20:54 > 0:20:56That's-that's-that's... really very nice.

0:20:59 > 0:21:02Yeah, well, that's everything, so...

0:21:03 > 0:21:05No, really, that's everything.

0:21:08 > 0:21:10Oh, OK.

0:21:10 > 0:21:12- Open it, it's white.- Yeah. Yeah.

0:21:18 > 0:21:20Ooh, yes, white.

0:21:20 > 0:21:22My favourite.

0:21:22 > 0:21:25Good. I didn't want to go overboard.

0:21:25 > 0:21:27No, no, absolutely. No.

0:21:27 > 0:21:31That's very kind of you. Thanks, Michael.

0:21:31 > 0:21:35Yeah, well, I'll, uh, use your loo again. It's my age.

0:21:35 > 0:21:38- And I'll see you at the carvery? - Yeah.

0:21:38 > 0:21:41- Thanks, that's-that's really very nice.- Yeah.

0:21:45 > 0:21:49- You ready, Mum?- Nearly, yeah. Um...

0:21:53 > 0:21:56I love the Happy Birthday song, don't you?

0:21:56 > 0:21:58Yeah, it's catchy.

0:21:58 > 0:22:01- Have I told you about my stick? - You have, yes.

0:22:01 > 0:22:04I think I might go back to the park and get another one.

0:22:06 > 0:22:09- SHE CHUCKLES - How funny.

0:22:09 > 0:22:12I've just had another text from Rosalind Hampton-Jones.

0:22:14 > 0:22:15Oh, OK.

0:22:15 > 0:22:18Her husband's a banker. Her eldest is a lawyer

0:22:18 > 0:22:21and her youngest made a fortune out of payday loans.

0:22:21 > 0:22:24They sound like a lovely bunch of people.

0:22:24 > 0:22:27So...Jason and Kelly are moving out?

0:22:27 > 0:22:31Yes. Well, they've started to look, so...

0:22:31 > 0:22:33That'll be a kick in the teeth!

0:22:35 > 0:22:38- Well...- There's nothing like the sound of a house

0:22:38 > 0:22:40when you're the only person in it.

0:22:43 > 0:22:46- Can I, uh...?- Yes, help yourself.

0:22:49 > 0:22:51..we could live on a houseboat.

0:22:51 > 0:22:54We're not living on a houseboat.

0:22:54 > 0:22:57- HE LAUGHS - You're so funny, babe.

0:22:57 > 0:23:00No, but, seriously, babe - I'm not living on a houseboat.

0:23:04 > 0:23:07- I was just telling Kelly about it. I went to his car...- Right.

0:23:07 > 0:23:10..and Michael was like, "I'll get your mum's present,"

0:23:10 > 0:23:13and I looked in his boot and it was full of presents!

0:23:13 > 0:23:17There were tonnes in there! And I was like, "What?!"

0:23:17 > 0:23:20- His boot was full of presents? - Yeah!- How funny.

0:23:20 > 0:23:23He had loads of presents in there. I thought they were for you.

0:23:25 > 0:23:28- Are you telling her about Michael? - Yeah.

0:23:28 > 0:23:32And he was like, "No, they're for my mum to give to her grandkids,"

0:23:32 > 0:23:34- or something, wasn't it?- Yeah!

0:23:34 > 0:23:38And I was like, "Classic misunderstanding."

0:23:38 > 0:23:41- And they were wrapped in what? - Just birthday wrapping paper.

0:23:41 > 0:23:43- Funny.- Yeah!

0:23:45 > 0:23:51- You find your phone?- Yeah. It was in my hand!- Oh!

0:23:51 > 0:23:52- You coming?- Yeah.

0:23:52 > 0:23:54No, just give me a minute.

0:23:56 > 0:23:59- You done your WhatsApps? - No, and I got another one.

0:23:59 > 0:24:01Babe, I know you've got loads.

0:24:01 > 0:24:04- I've got nine now. - You've got loads of them.

0:24:04 > 0:24:07Jason, mate, you coming in my car?

0:24:11 > 0:24:15- All done?- Yeah. Should do me for the next five minutes or so.

0:24:15 > 0:24:18- You should look into nappies. - I'm wearing one.

0:24:18 > 0:24:21Handy for journeys but I can't stand the chafing.

0:24:22 > 0:24:24Erm...

0:24:24 > 0:24:27Maybe I could come in your car?

0:24:27 > 0:24:29Pardon?

0:24:29 > 0:24:32Can I get a lift in your car?

0:24:32 > 0:24:34Really?

0:24:34 > 0:24:36Yeah.

0:24:37 > 0:24:39OK.

0:24:39 > 0:24:40Is that a problem?

0:24:40 > 0:24:43- No. No, of course not.- Good.

0:24:44 > 0:24:46OK if I put something in your boot?

0:24:50 > 0:24:52Pardon?

0:24:52 > 0:24:54Can I put something in your boot?

0:24:55 > 0:24:57- My boot?- Yeah.

0:24:59 > 0:25:01Yeah, of course. Yeah.

0:25:01 > 0:25:04Oh...

0:25:04 > 0:25:08No. No, boot's wet.

0:25:08 > 0:25:10- Boot's wet?- Mm.

0:25:10 > 0:25:12Left it open last night.

0:25:12 > 0:25:14Can I have a look?

0:25:14 > 0:25:16Nah, it's too wet.

0:25:16 > 0:25:18Wow, that's wet.

0:25:18 > 0:25:20Well, it's not too wet, but...

0:25:20 > 0:25:24I mean, that's a really wet boot. I mean, too wet to even look at.

0:25:25 > 0:25:29- No, it's not too wet to look at.- No?

0:25:29 > 0:25:31- No.- Why'd you leave your boot open all night?

0:25:31 > 0:25:33Why do you need to look in my boot?

0:25:35 > 0:25:39# I got my ticket for the long way round

0:25:39 > 0:25:42# Two bottle whisky for the way

0:25:42 > 0:25:45# And I sure would like some sweet company

0:25:45 > 0:25:49# And I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say?

0:25:49 > 0:25:51# When I'm gone

0:25:51 > 0:25:53# When I'm go-o-one

0:25:53 > 0:25:56# You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

0:25:56 > 0:25:58# You're gonna miss me by my hair

0:25:58 > 0:26:01# You're gonna miss me everywhere, oh

0:26:01 > 0:26:04# You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. #