0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language
0:00:05 > 0:00:07KNOCKING
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Cathy...
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Ca-thy...
0:00:53 > 0:00:54- Cathy.- Oh!
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Morning!
0:00:57 > 0:01:01Hey, you, Kelly. You OK?
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Yeah. It's six o'clock.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07I was going to come in at five, but I thought I'd let you sleep.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12- Thanks.- We're going on holiday today.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Sorry, love, what time is it?
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Six?
0:01:23 > 0:01:27Quarter to six? Might be a little bit earlier.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29- WHISPERS:- Kelly.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31It's all right, babe, she's woken up.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35We're going Cyprus today, Mum.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39It's actually one country, but it's literally split down the middle.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- They had a civil war. - It's a nation divided.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Whose side are you on, Mum, the Greeks' or the Turks'?
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Can we talk about this later, love,
0:01:47 > 0:01:50- when I've had a bit of a chance to wake up?- Yeah.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01I've never watched you get out of bed before.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10- Shall I wait downstairs? - Yeah.- Cool.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14- Bye!- Bye.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18When we've gone through a security, babe, should we get some breakfast
0:02:18 > 0:02:20- at this seafood bar?- Seafood bar? - Yeah!
0:02:28 > 0:02:30- Hello again, Cathy.- Hello.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33- You really needed that wee, didn't you?- Yeah.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35I thought you were never going to finish.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39So, yesterday, in Sainsbury's, Marsha was quite literally
0:02:39 > 0:02:41sneezing everywhere.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45And then Ronald's going "Why would you make the bakery smaller?"
0:02:45 > 0:02:49And then Omar being Omar, he was all, "Oh, no, I'm Omar.
0:02:49 > 0:02:54"Don't listen to anyone apart from Neil Kevin Ricardo.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56"Look at me, I'm Joyce. I'm the till supervisor
0:02:56 > 0:03:00"and basically I am as slow as a slug. And my husband comes in..."
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Sorry. "..and my husband comes in and does his shopping
0:03:03 > 0:03:05"and we act like we don't know each other."
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Whereas I like to take my time with the customers and ask them about their day and sort of question
0:03:09 > 0:03:12whether they really need everything they're buying.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16Sorry, I've forgotten what I was saying.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Don't worry, love, I wasn't listening.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21SHE GIGGLES
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- So we got the aftersun?- Check.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28- Towels for the deckchairs?- Check.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Jackets in case we leave the hotel?
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Why would we leave the hotel?
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Yeah.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- Your mum's bringing over your passport.- Oh!
0:03:40 > 0:03:41You've got your Marmite...
0:03:42 > 0:03:48I've got my loo rolls, protein powder and...bumbag?
0:03:48 > 0:03:49In your cupboard.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- Thanks, Mum!- Aw...
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Thanks, Cathy! SHE GASPS
0:03:55 > 0:04:00- No, just keep still. Let's... - Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03- Yeah, it's all right. Can you just...?- Oh, my God, no. I'm so sorry, Cathy.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- I'm so, so sorry.- It's all right.- Look at all the...
0:04:06 > 0:04:09SHE GIGGLES I'm crying over spilt milk.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12- Yeah. Just pass me the tea towel. - It's basically hilarious.
0:04:12 > 0:04:17- It is!- I'm crying over spilt milk! SHE LAUGHS
0:04:17 > 0:04:21- Can you pass me the...? - Can I tell Jason?- Yeah!- Jason!
0:04:21 > 0:04:23- Jason! Jason!- Oh, Jesus...
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Jason!
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Just now, downstairs in the kitchen, I...
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- THEY LAUGH - What?
0:04:34 > 0:04:38..I knocked the bottle of milk over and it went everywhere
0:04:38 > 0:04:41and I said...
0:04:41 > 0:04:44# I've got my ticket for the long way 'round
0:04:44 > 0:04:47# Two bottle whiskey for the way
0:04:47 > 0:04:51# And I sure would like some sweet company
0:04:51 > 0:04:55# Oh, I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say?
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- # When I'm gone - When I'm gone
0:04:57 > 0:04:59- # When I'm gone - When I'm gone
0:04:59 > 0:05:02# You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
0:05:02 > 0:05:05# You're gonna miss me by my hair
0:05:05 > 0:05:07# You're gonna miss me everywhere
0:05:07 > 0:05:11# You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
0:05:11 > 0:05:15# I've got my ticket for the long way 'round
0:05:15 > 0:05:18# The one with the prettiest view
0:05:18 > 0:05:20# It's got mountains, it's got rivers
0:05:20 > 0:05:22# It's got woods that'll give you shivers
0:05:22 > 0:05:26# But it sure would be prettier with you
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- # When I'm gone - When I'm gone
0:05:29 > 0:05:31- # When I'm gone - When I'm gone
0:05:31 > 0:05:34# You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. #
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Kelly forgot her passport.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48So her mum's bringing it round, so that'll be a lovely start
0:05:48 > 0:05:51to the day, and Derek's coming around with the suitcase
0:05:51 > 0:05:53because they don't like mine and Jason forgot
0:05:53 > 0:05:55his was broken till he tried to do it up...
0:05:55 > 0:05:58And he woke me up at quarter past five!
0:05:58 > 0:06:02- You OK?- Yeah, yeah, just got stuck behind the bin men.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06Oh, there's always a crisp packet.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Do you want a sniff?
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- No, I'm OK thanks. - Lyn came round with her grandson.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22There's about 100 nappies in there. Takes me back.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24- Thanks for doing this. - No. No. I...
0:06:24 > 0:06:28I'll be honest with you, Michael, I can't wait for them to be gone.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32It's my last day of school... Quarter past five, she came in!
0:06:32 > 0:06:34She literally sat on the bed.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38I've had a nightmare where that happened.
0:06:38 > 0:06:39At least I hope it was a nightmare.
0:06:43 > 0:06:48Can you believe I've started saying literally?
0:06:48 > 0:06:52Hi, Michael, we've just literally sorting out our liquids.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56What they do, Cathy, because basically these days we're
0:06:56 > 0:06:59all terrorists whether we want to be or not, they don't let you
0:06:59 > 0:07:03- take more than 100ml of any liquid on a plane.- Yeah, I know.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05- Not even water.- Yeah.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Imagine that, though, babe.
0:07:07 > 0:07:12Imagine if a terrorist got on a plane with over 100ml of water.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16It doesn't bear thinking about.
0:07:16 > 0:07:21All the times I've been on a plane I have...
0:07:21 > 0:07:24I'm trying to say the sentence now without saying literally.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28I have never fancied eating seafood
0:07:28 > 0:07:30just because I'm at an airport.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34Once you start saying literally, it's literally impossible to stop.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40- You OK?- Yeah, yeah.- Oh.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44We ran out, so the next day I bought one. Then Kelly got one in
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Sainsbury's and Jason got one on his way home from work.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50And none of them are Heinz.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53We'll have to go back to the garden centre and get another one.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00Are you OK? You seem a bit sad.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Did you have a bad night?
0:08:02 > 0:08:04My mum died.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Oh, God.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12Oh, God I'm so sorry. What happened?
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Nothing, really.
0:08:15 > 0:08:21Hospital phoned during the night and...she just went.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23She didn't...she didn't know so...
0:08:24 > 0:08:27..it's probably for the best.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- What are you doing here? - Mum!- Don't say anything.
0:08:30 > 0:08:34- Cathy, just got a text from a hotel. - Got some really bad news!
0:08:34 > 0:08:38Oh, no, Cathy, our holiday's been cancelled.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Oh, OK. THEY LAUGH
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- We're winding you up!- Classic!
0:08:47 > 0:08:51We've got a really cruel sense of humour, babe.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Everyone's like, "Kelly!"
0:08:53 > 0:08:55And I'm like, "What?!" and they're like, "You know!"
0:08:55 > 0:08:58- And I'm like, "Whatever!" - DOORBELL RINGS
0:09:01 > 0:09:03- Just wait in the car.- I'm not waiting in the car.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07- I'm fucking starving. - I'll only be couple of minutes. - She'd better have granola.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- How could anyone not have granola? - Indeed.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13It's actually quite light when it's empty.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Well, it would be, wouldn't it?
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Yeah. I suppose it would be.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Oh, hello. Thanks for bringing in this.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26It's OK, Cath, my little cherub.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Sorry, it's so early.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31- Good time at the theatre? - Yeah, it was good thanks, yeah.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34We got ice cream. They're only little but you can have two.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Oh, it's a different class of person at the theatre.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Everyone's old and they sort of look clever.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43- It's a very distinguished crowd. - Right.- I wore my glasses, didn't I, help me fit in.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Yes.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47What do you listen to in the car?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49- What's the name of that Scottish instrument?- Bagpipes.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Can you play 'em?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Shall we make some room in the boot?
0:09:53 > 0:09:57Good morning, Michael, my little cherub. You look rough.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59- We went to the theatre last night. - Did you?
0:09:59 > 0:10:02We saw a very long play about the climate change.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Sounds great, mate.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14You see, I never would have done that if I hadn't seen a play about climate change.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Very good, Derek.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Just doing my bit to save the universe.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21- They can get a cab. - No, no, it's 40 quid.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24- Let me just explain to them... - Babe! Have you got the hats?
0:10:24 > 0:10:28Yeah, I think I'm might wear mine on the plane.
0:10:28 > 0:10:33It's very nice, love.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Are you allowed to wear a hat on the plane?
0:10:35 > 0:10:36Let me just explain to them...
0:10:36 > 0:10:39No, listen, I wanted to say to you first...
0:10:41 > 0:10:44You know when things like this happen?
0:10:44 > 0:10:48And...you can see things differently.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52And life is too short. I mean, it's not... It's not about that,
0:10:52 > 0:10:59but it's when...you know you've been waiting decades to say something.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01- What's wrong with my voice? - Don't get into this now.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- WHISPERS:- What's wrong with my voice?- It's the same as your face.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06It's never going to change, no point talking about it.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08- What's wrong with my face?!- Sorry.
0:11:09 > 0:11:14- Yeah, yeah, it changes your perspective, doesn't it, when you lose someone.- Yeah.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17- It gives you a kind of courage. - Yeah.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22What do you want to say to me?
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Mum! Nan and Grandad are here!
0:11:27 > 0:11:29It's all right. Go on. They can wait.
0:11:31 > 0:11:32Mum!!
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- A whole quiche...- I was hungry.
0:11:39 > 0:11:43- Morning!- Think about it, Cathy. Picture it.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45An entire quiche for her dinner.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48- I was going to have the other half this morning.- You all right, Nan?
0:11:48 > 0:11:51- He's being a dick.- Oh, well.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53How's she ever going to get her figure back
0:11:53 > 0:11:54if she's eating an entire quiche?
0:11:54 > 0:11:56You had one as well, you thick bastard.
0:11:56 > 0:12:01- Yes, but I've got the body for it. - I don't know what you're saying but I'm sure it's fucking stupid.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04- The weight spreads around me like butter, Cathy.- Yeah?- Honestly.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07I could eat 100 quiches a day and you wouldn't notice.
0:12:07 > 0:12:12A million quiches a week. I'm built beautifully.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15It's wonderful to look at. But her?
0:12:17 > 0:12:20You should've seen her when we first met.
0:12:20 > 0:12:25I took her to Butlin's and I kissed every bone in her body.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- Well. Let me help you.- Get off.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32What you have to remember, Derek, is that when you go to see a play, it's meant to be boring.
0:12:34 > 0:12:35All right, Reg?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Who knows?
0:12:39 > 0:12:43- You don't admit the play was boring, obviously.- No.
0:12:43 > 0:12:49You use words like clever or relevant or thought-provoking.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- Interesting.- Yes. Well done.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58Because the more bored you are, the better the play.
0:13:00 > 0:13:06So, well, last night...
0:13:06 > 0:13:09..that was obviously a very good play, then.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Yes, it was excellent.
0:13:13 > 0:13:18- Jason, love, shall me and Michael put the bags...? - What do we do about Doctors?
0:13:18 > 0:13:22- Sorry?- What do we do if they arrive with the washing machine
0:13:22 > 0:13:23and Doctors is on?
0:13:24 > 0:13:29Um... Well, maybe you could just let them in and then carry on watching?
0:13:29 > 0:13:32You want me to leave the room in the middle of Doctors?
0:13:35 > 0:13:38- She's out of her mind.- Jason, love, shall me and Michael...- Kelly!
0:13:38 > 0:13:40You'll have to take some of this stuff out, babe.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44But it's got my magazines in it, babe. And my lucky rocks.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Taking rocks on a plane...
0:13:47 > 0:13:49We'll just pay a little bit extra at the airport.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Taking rocks on a plane, though...
0:13:52 > 0:13:57- Shall we put them in the car? - Yeah. Thanks, Mum. Thanks, Michael.
0:13:57 > 0:13:58Here.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03- Have a drink on me.- Oh, Grandad, you don't have to...- No, wait a minute.
0:14:06 > 0:14:07Didn't know I had that.
0:14:10 > 0:14:15I've got this assembly this morning and I've got to do it because it's Noah and he's got Asperger's.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19And he's mad about lions, so why don't I come round later?
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Cathy. Do you know the last thing I spoke to my mum about?
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Knock-knock! Morning!
0:14:25 > 0:14:30I've got my new fella in the car, Cathy, have a look. He's 24 and he's thick as pig shit.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34- It's like winning in the lottery. Oh, bloody hell.- I better...
0:14:34 > 0:14:38- Have you changed your carpet? - Hi, Mum.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42Oh, here's the idiot! Forgot her passport!
0:14:42 > 0:14:46What kind of idiot forgets their passport?
0:14:46 > 0:14:49- Can I have it?- Yeah, course, love.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57No, you can have it, babe, here you go.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06- Can I have a look at it, Carol? - Yeah. Course.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Seriously though, Mum, can I have it...
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Yeah, no, seriously, Kell, here it is.
0:15:27 > 0:15:32His dad still gives him money because he's like 24 or something stupid and he's thick as pig shit.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Honestly. He buys me flowers.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37What the fuck am I going to do with flowers?
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Amazing body? Yes.
0:15:40 > 0:15:45Thinks I'm younger than I am? Yes.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48And up here, nothing.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52Does anything that I tell him. Couldn't believe me luck!
0:15:53 > 0:15:54Kell!
0:15:58 > 0:16:01That wasn't too difficult, was it?
0:16:03 > 0:16:10Yeah... Silly me! Thanks, Mum.
0:16:10 > 0:16:15- See, I've still got the fringe? - Yeah...
0:16:17 > 0:16:20- See you in ten days.- Oh, come on, Kell. Don't be needy.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27Cheer up, Michael. Might never happen.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29HORN BEEPS
0:16:29 > 0:16:31VARIOUS BEEPING
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- She's got three bottles of ketchup! - MORE BEEPING
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Oh, get a life! How much ketchup does she need?
0:16:37 > 0:16:40I look like a serial killer, don't I?
0:16:40 > 0:16:45Yeah, but one of the sexy serial killers.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53That's such a lovely thing to say.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54Come on.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58- What's going on?- Nothing, Reg.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02- You all right, babe? You OK? - Yeah.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04No, I'm good, yeah.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09- I think when we get our own place, she will start to speak to me different.- Yeah.
0:17:12 > 0:17:19Your mum said my passport photo looks like a sexy serial killer.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23- Did she?- Yeah.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25- That's nice of her.- Yeah.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30So why don't you go home and have a kip?
0:17:30 > 0:17:34I've got this end of year assembly this morning with Noah
0:17:34 > 0:17:37and I've literally got to be there. But I can come round after that.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41You need time to process everything that's happened
0:17:41 > 0:17:46and you can't even begin to do that if you haven't had any sleep.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49So I'm going to order them a cab. OK?
0:17:52 > 0:17:56Do you know the last thing I spoke to my mum about?
0:17:56 > 0:18:00Oh, no. Sorry you asked me that before, didn't you? Sorry.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03No, no, what did you speak to her about?
0:18:05 > 0:18:06You.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12Oh, erm...
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Nothing bad, I hope.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22What do you mean me?
0:18:22 > 0:18:24What do you think I mean, Cathy?
0:18:25 > 0:18:29You know what I'm talking about. My mum's was just...
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- No, don't do this now.- My mum was just saying I should tell you how I...
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Don't do this now, Michael, No, not now.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Right then, my little cherubs. Pauline's just...
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Pauline!
0:18:39 > 0:18:41I can do that.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43- Pauline!- I can do that.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- I can't do...- Pauline.- Wait!
0:18:49 > 0:18:51It actually gets very restricted because...
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Oh, no, I can do that.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59I can't...
0:18:59 > 0:19:00Pauline!
0:19:02 > 0:19:06Well, the point is it's 100 times worse than your mother's was.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09- Shall we get you off to work, darling?- Yes!
0:19:09 > 0:19:12- I was just updating Jason about my wrist, Cathy.- Oh, yeah?
0:19:12 > 0:19:15- I've had to go private, haven't I. - Yeah.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18- It's so much better than the NHS. - You get mints in the waiting room.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20- Feel the finish.- I'm OK...
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Feel the finish, Cathy. Don't be difficult.
0:19:23 > 0:19:24Yes, lovely.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28- Can you imagine me in an NHS hospital?- God no!
0:19:28 > 0:19:30I'd have to burn my clothes.
0:19:31 > 0:19:35- Do you want a hand with that? - No, no, you OK, mate, you head off.
0:19:35 > 0:19:36Come on, don't be silly.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38No, no, I am fine. You head off.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44Come on! Let me help, what's the matter, let me help you.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46You don't like me any more?
0:19:46 > 0:19:47No. OK, OK.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Michael, don't do this.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03You know she's got rocks in here?
0:20:03 > 0:20:04Yeah.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Apparently, they are lucky or something.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Why would I want to be thin?
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Because it would be nice for me to look at.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33- SHE CHUCKLES - Don't laugh at me.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35You're a male chauvinist.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37That's your answer to everything.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Look at Cheryl Cole.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Look how thin she is.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49How hard can it be?
0:20:49 > 0:20:51I'm 86!
0:20:53 > 0:20:56And here comes the avalanche of excuses.
0:20:58 > 0:21:03I'd like to see you getting Cheryl Cole to peel your pears.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Oh, she wouldn't have the patience.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09But I tell you who would have the patience.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12I tell you who'd peel a pear meticulously.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17- Lorraine Kelly.- Oh, please!
0:21:17 > 0:21:20She could have any man she wanted.
0:21:20 > 0:21:25She's always so happy. She doesn't let anything get her down.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29Yeah, well, that would soon change if she lived with you.
0:21:29 > 0:21:35I tell you. Walking round Debenhams with Lorraine Kelly on my arm.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39- SHE CHUCKLES - Yeah, that would be something.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Yeah, no. It's going well.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53- She was really nice to me the other day.- Oh, good.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57I'm trying to sort of construct for myself a better personality,
0:21:57 > 0:21:59so it's like the going to the theatre or like the other day,
0:21:59 > 0:22:02I was whistling in my car or like I don't know if you've noticed
0:22:02 > 0:22:05- but I'm calling people my little cherub.- Oh, yeah.
0:22:05 > 0:22:06Standing like this.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Anything to keep off the demons.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14Sometimes I get a bit worried that maybe I'm not as intelligent or handsome as I think.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16- But it's just the demons.- Yeah.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19I've still got Pauline so I can't be that bad!
0:22:19 > 0:22:20- HORN HONKS - I'd better go.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23It can be a build-up of little things, can't it,
0:22:23 > 0:22:26then suddenly one day out of nowhere they walk out on you.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28HORN HONKS
0:22:28 > 0:22:30I'm coming, my little darling! Sorry!
0:22:34 > 0:22:39I was just telling Michael about the icebergs and the penguins and all the bloody CO2.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Did you know what I meant?
0:23:05 > 0:23:07- Don't do this now.- But did you?
0:23:16 > 0:23:20- So you think you might... - You don't want to do this today.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25You held my hand, Cathy, on New Year's Eve.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32You held my hand, you stroked it with your thumb.
0:23:32 > 0:23:37And we've been to garden centres. I know that's not...
0:23:37 > 0:23:41They're just garden centres. I know it sounds mad when I say it out loud because I know they're
0:23:41 > 0:23:43just garden centres but we've been to three of these garden centres
0:23:43 > 0:23:45and you still haven't bought any chairs.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51So what are we going to do? I mean, do you want chairs?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Or do you do not want chairs?
0:23:53 > 0:23:57Are we just going to spend our lives just going to garden centres
0:23:57 > 0:24:02and not buying any chairs and bouncing round the place like everything's OK?
0:24:02 > 0:24:06Because the problem with the world, Cath, the problem with the world is everything's not OK.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09And no-one does things
0:24:09 > 0:24:15and no-one...no-one dares to tell the truth because it's scary and
0:24:15 > 0:24:18it's hard and it's messy...
0:24:18 > 0:24:22..and no-one...nobody wants to do difficult things.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26But the world is difficult
0:24:26 > 0:24:32and some things are unfair and last night my mum died and...
0:24:32 > 0:24:36..she wasn't that kind of woman... You know, I could never...
0:24:39 > 0:24:43- You don't want to do this now. - I do.- You don't, Michael.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46- Can I...can I tell you something, Cath?- No.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49I really, really, really want to tell you something.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51You don't, Michael. Not like this.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57But you know what I'm going to say, don't you?
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Cathy.
0:25:03 > 0:25:04And you can feel it too, can't you?
0:25:13 > 0:25:17Then we... Then we should to talk about it...
0:25:17 > 0:25:21- But what if...- What?
0:25:21 > 0:25:25What? No, say it, say it. Say it if you are feeling something, you should...
0:25:25 > 0:25:27What if I just miss Dave?
0:25:40 > 0:25:41Ah, Jesus.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Ah, I am so sorry.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55I'm so, so sorry.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58I...
0:25:58 > 0:26:03Michael. No, Michael, don't... Michael. God.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07Michael, don't go like this.
0:26:07 > 0:26:08Oi! Taxi!
0:26:11 > 0:26:15- Bye, Mum.- Bye!- Bye, Cathy! - We'll FaceTime, yeah?
0:26:15 > 0:26:20- Yeah. Yeah.- Come here!- Kelly's going to set us all up on a WhatsApp group.- Great.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Then we can send you pictures of what we're eating
0:26:22 > 0:26:25and you can send us pictures of what you're eating.
0:26:25 > 0:26:30- Passport?- I've got it. Bye, Mum!- Bye, Cathy.- Bye.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33- Do you see how sad she is we're going?- Oh, my God, it's so cute.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37- Michael! Hey!- Michael! We're going to have oysters for breakfast.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40- I bet you're well jealous.- Michael! - My mum's calling you.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43I'm going to sit in the back so we can hold hands.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Michael!
0:27:12 > 0:27:16# I've got my ticket for the long way 'round
0:27:16 > 0:27:19# Two bottle whiskey for the way
0:27:19 > 0:27:23# And I sure would like some sweet company
0:27:23 > 0:27:26# And I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say?
0:27:26 > 0:27:28# When I'm gone
0:27:28 > 0:27:31# When I'm gone
0:27:31 > 0:27:34# You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
0:27:34 > 0:27:36# You're gonna miss me by my hair
0:27:36 > 0:27:38# You're gonna miss me everywhere
0:27:38 > 0:27:40# Oh, you're gonna miss me
0:27:40 > 0:27:42# When I'm gone. #