0:00:02 > 0:00:03Hey, baby.
0:00:03 > 0:00:06Mwah! What are you reading?
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Ooh, hello, what's this?
0:00:08 > 0:00:11"The Ultimate Sex Quiz".
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Oh, really?
0:00:13 > 0:00:14God.
0:00:14 > 0:00:19OK, let's have a go at this. What have we got here? Ah, question uno.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21Always.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Yep, yep.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Oh! Mmm, sometimes.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28When I can.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Ah, ooh - A, B, C? A, B or C?
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Yep, C.
0:00:35 > 0:00:36- SUSAN LAUGHS - What?
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Er, yep, B.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45Incense. Oh, yes.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48Yep, five and...
0:00:49 > 0:00:50..cream.
0:00:53 > 0:00:57- OK, finito.- Ben, you do realise...? - Sssh, sssh, ssh,
0:00:57 > 0:01:01- I'm just checking my score, thank you. Here we go... - BEN MUMBLES
0:01:01 > 0:01:04- Ooh! Woo-hoo! Do you want to know how I've done?- Ben...
0:01:04 > 0:01:06100%.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09100%. And look what it says here -
0:01:09 > 0:01:12"Congratulations, Mr Perfect.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16"Was there ever so much manly hotness in one package?"
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Ha! What do you think of that, eh?
0:01:18 > 0:01:21- I think you should give Michael his gay lifestyle magazine back.- Hmm?
0:01:25 > 0:01:27OK.
0:01:42 > 0:01:43EXERCISE VIDEO MUSIC
0:01:43 > 0:01:47FROM TV: 'Give me four more. Four and swing. Now give me your leg.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48'Here we go. Forwards, side.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52'That's it. Good. Four. feeling good.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58'Energy!
0:02:04 > 0:02:07'Four, three, two, one.'
0:02:12 > 0:02:13Hey, baby!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16If you want a real sweat-up,
0:02:16 > 0:02:20why don't you come upstairs to the old Ben-nasium, hey?
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Ben, aerobics requires 20 minutes of cardio,
0:02:23 > 0:02:26not 20 seconds of your heavy breathing.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31- BREATHLESSLY:- It's your loss.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36So why...why...?
0:02:36 > 0:02:38- Why am I doing this?- Yeah.
0:02:38 > 0:02:43- I've got a school reunion coming up and I want to look my absolute best. - OK, OK,
0:02:43 > 0:02:46but if you want to stay younger, I've got one word for you.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Divorce?
0:02:48 > 0:02:52Cavotox - "the easy way to banish those wrinkles."
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Our company's asking all the dentists to administer it
0:02:55 > 0:03:00- and they've got collagen as well. - Ben, I do not need Cavotox and I do not need collagen.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03I'm not one of those women who goes running to their surgeon
0:03:03 > 0:03:05- any time they need a confidence boost.- No.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09I am au naturel and I am fabulous.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Course you are.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Not only am I in the best shape of my life,
0:03:15 > 0:03:17but when I walk into that reunion,
0:03:17 > 0:03:22people are going to be blown away by how successful I have become.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26- Ooh.- Are there double doors in there?- I don't know, why?
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Just want to make sure your head fits through it, that's all.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32GLASS SMASHES
0:03:32 > 0:03:35So, Mr Pepper...
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Relax, it's all right, cos one day you're going to look like this.
0:03:42 > 0:03:43After Cavotox.
0:03:43 > 0:03:48That's it, just relax, relax, this is not going to hurt at all.
0:03:49 > 0:03:50Ah...
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Ah! Ow! Ow!
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Hey, how did you get here? You driving now?
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Mum brought me, she's talking to Grandma.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Oh, yeah?
0:04:03 > 0:04:07Kenzo, does this thumb look any younger than that thumb?
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Never mind.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13OK. Shouldn't you be at school?
0:04:13 > 0:04:16I got sent home early for kicking Sadie.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20- Is she a little girl in your class? - Sadie isn't a girl, she's a monster.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23She's bossy, she thinks she knows everything.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Hang on, you did say Sadie, not Susan?
0:04:26 > 0:04:28I hate Sadie.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32Yeah, I used to kick girls when I was at school,
0:04:32 > 0:04:34but you know what I found out later?
0:04:34 > 0:04:38I found out that I quite liked those girls.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39Ugh, yuck!
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Yeah, you say that, but I know what's going on here,
0:04:42 > 0:04:45because is there like a little teeny-weeny bit of you
0:04:45 > 0:04:49that maybe kind of possibly likes her?
0:04:49 > 0:04:53- No!- And you'd swear that on your Spider-Man comic collection?
0:04:53 > 0:04:56- OK. Maybe I like her a bit.- Yeah.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00There are other ways, you know, of letting a girl know you fancy her.
0:05:00 > 0:05:05- Like what?- You know, give her a present - like one of your sweets, perhaps?
0:05:05 > 0:05:08I don't like her that much.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Well, it could be anything, you know. Flowers, jewellery, anything.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Is that how you got Grandma to like you?
0:05:15 > 0:05:18No, blackmail and alcohol, but that's another story.
0:05:19 > 0:05:20TAPE: 'You are a leader.'
0:05:20 > 0:05:23I am a leader.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26'You are an effective communicator.'
0:05:26 > 0:05:27I am...
0:05:27 > 0:05:29BELL RINGS
0:05:29 > 0:05:30I am busy.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32'You are calm and centred.'
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- I... - BELL RINGS
0:05:35 > 0:05:36I said I'm busy!
0:05:36 > 0:05:37BELL RINGS
0:05:37 > 0:05:41For crying out loud, why can't you just go away and die?
0:05:44 > 0:05:45Mary!
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Susan!
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Please, come in.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Not interrupting anything, am I?
0:05:51 > 0:05:55Not at all, not at all. Please, take a seat.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56How are you?
0:05:56 > 0:05:59I simply couldn't be better.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01You?
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Oh, I'm fabulous.
0:06:03 > 0:06:08- I'm calm, I'm centred.- Then you're just the person I'm looking for.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12We need a speaker to deliver the keynote address at the school reunion.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16- Me?- Well, I can't do it, being the event organiser.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19- I would be honoured.- Great!
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Doesn't have to be a big deal.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24We're looking at maybe ten minutes, uplifting material
0:06:24 > 0:06:29that combines nostalgia with optimism and maybe throw in the odd joke.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32I'm not bringing my husband.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35You do understand it's in a week?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Oh, not a problem, I thrive on pressure, and to be honest,
0:06:38 > 0:06:41I was sort of expecting you to ask me.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45Well, actually, I did initially ask Patricia Phipps,
0:06:45 > 0:06:47but she's out of the country.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49I don't mind being second choice.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51And Trudy Watson's got a family wedding,
0:06:51 > 0:06:54so she suggested Nigella Fairfax, but she said...
0:06:54 > 0:06:57OK, I get the point. I'll do it.
0:06:59 > 0:07:03And the elephant said, "How on earth do you pick up peanuts with that?"
0:07:03 > 0:07:06LAUGHS
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Wrong crowd.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Hi, Susan. Could I have a quick word?
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Yes, yes, of course.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Listen, we're having to make a few cutbacks.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17- Cutbacks?- Mm, which is why I wanted to talk to you first.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20You're a key player in the team and we wouldn't want to lose you -
0:07:20 > 0:07:23what we'd like is if you could cut your hours back to a few days a week.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Well, I suppose I could if it helps...
0:07:26 > 0:07:28- You're the best. - This job is really important to me.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31And your experience is invaluable to us,
0:07:31 > 0:07:35which is why we'd really like you to train someone up.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36Lucinda?
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Lucinda, this is Susan.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40- Hello. - She'll be showing you the ropes.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Sorry, Katie, I'm confused.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45If you're making cutbacks, why are you hiring a new assistant?
0:07:45 > 0:07:48She's not an assistant, she'll do what you do.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50But I do what I do!
0:07:50 > 0:07:54Yes, you do, but we'd like you to do it less.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Katie, may I have a word?
0:07:59 > 0:08:02- What is going on here?- Susan, the art world is always changing.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05We're just trying to infuse the company with some new blood.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- What's wrong with the old blood? - Nothing.
0:08:08 > 0:08:13In fact, your input would be invaluable during the changeover process.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15So I'm training my replacement?
0:08:15 > 0:08:20- Absolutely not.- This is a joke, right? You actually think I'm going to stand for this?
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- Well, there's no need for that attitude.- Attitude?
0:08:23 > 0:08:27Here's an attitude for you. I quit!
0:08:30 > 0:08:34- I mean, this girl who replaced me is a child, for God's sake.- Hmm.
0:08:34 > 0:08:39- The last art she saw was probably made with a potato.- Hmm.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42It's ageism, Susan, ageism, pure and simple. We can sue.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Well, not exactly.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47They offered me fewer hours and...
0:08:47 > 0:08:48Oh, no.
0:08:48 > 0:08:53- I quit.- Yep, good, course you did. - It's a matter of principle. You wouldn't understand.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56- What are you going to do now? - I'm going to bounce back.
0:08:56 > 0:08:57Yep, good for you.
0:08:57 > 0:08:58I'm a fighter.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- I mean, I got asked to speak at my school reunion.- Mmm-hmm.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04They don't ask losers to speak at a school reunion.
0:09:04 > 0:09:05Yeah...
0:09:05 > 0:09:09- Is that the extent of your encouragement?- Hmm?
0:09:09 > 0:09:10Yeah!
0:09:19 > 0:09:21You all right, Janey?
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Kenzo gave Sadie a present.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Oh, right, ha! Ha!
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Took Granddad's advice, huh?
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Never fails. What did he give her?
0:09:29 > 0:09:32My pearl necklace.
0:09:32 > 0:09:33Worth £500.
0:09:33 > 0:09:34Uh-oh.
0:09:34 > 0:09:35Big uh-oh.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Were you attached to it?
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Yes, Dad. I was attached to the fact it was worth £500.
0:09:41 > 0:09:46- Um...leave it to me.- No. Mind if I give this one to Mum? She's an expert at fixing your screw-ups.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Well, she's a little busy dealing with her own screw-ups right now.
0:09:49 > 0:09:54Listen, don't worry, I think this calls for a little bloke-to-bloke chat.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58Don't worry, I can't make it any worse, can I?
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Don't answer that.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Janey, just leave us. I'll deal with this.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07OK, Kenzo.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Ha-ha.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14You've started early, Grandad.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Oh, it's just a little loosener.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21So did Sadie like her gift?
0:10:21 > 0:10:22- I think so.- Yeah?
0:10:22 > 0:10:24She's my girlfriend now.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27OK, so that's a yes, then.
0:10:27 > 0:10:33Hey, listen, K-Dog, don't you think you're putting all your eggs into one basket, you know?
0:10:33 > 0:10:37When you go to the playground, you don't just stay on the swings, do you?
0:10:37 > 0:10:40You get bored of the swings, you go to the roundabout.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43And when you're finished on the roundabout, you go on the slide.
0:10:43 > 0:10:48And then when you've finished on the slide, you go on the monkey bars. Wahey!
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Did you bump your head, Grandad?
0:10:50 > 0:10:56All I'm saying, Kenzo, is that you have your whole life... your whole life ahead of you.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59You know, you're too young to settle down, you understand?
0:10:59 > 0:11:03So should I give necklaces to all the other girls too?
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Just... Come here.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09Just let Sadie know that you're not ready to be her boyfriend yet, OK?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11OK. Thanks, Grandad.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Cheers. Good boy.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16- Well?- Yeah, sorted.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18So I'll get my pearls back?
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Whoops. Sorry. Kenzo!
0:11:22 > 0:11:24- Susan Harper?- Yes.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Hi, thanks for coming in.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Take a seat.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34I've been looking over your CV. It's very impressive.
0:11:34 > 0:11:35Thank you.
0:11:35 > 0:11:40- You seem to have done quite a lot over the years.- Well, it hasn't been that many years.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Well, thanks for coming in.
0:11:42 > 0:11:43We'll let you know.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Is that it? You haven't asked me anything.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49- Well, I've got everything I need right here.- Oh, OK.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54You think I'm too old, don't you?
0:11:54 > 0:11:56I never said that.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59How dare you write me off? Just because I happen to be more mature
0:11:59 > 0:12:02than those children in that playpen you call a waiting room...
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Well, I have news for you. I have experience,
0:12:05 > 0:12:10I have know-how and I have self control, and you're threatened by it.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12So tell me, idiot, have I got this job or not?!
0:12:14 > 0:12:17I've just answered my own question, haven't I?
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Thank you.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Ah, there you are.
0:12:27 > 0:12:28How did the interview go?
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Shut up.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31When do you start?
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Funny(!)
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Oh, come on, it's only one. You've got two more interviews tomorrow.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39- Whatever.- Eh, eh?
0:12:39 > 0:12:42What happened to my little Suzie, eh? Come on, my little fighter.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44You're right.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46I'm stronger than this.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47- Onwards and upwards.- Yeah.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Good for you.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Out!
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Oh, God!
0:13:17 > 0:13:18Oh, God!
0:13:25 > 0:13:28TV PLAYS
0:13:31 > 0:13:32Susan?
0:13:32 > 0:13:33Su...
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Susan?
0:13:37 > 0:13:38Have you been here all night?
0:13:40 > 0:13:42What the hell happened?
0:13:42 > 0:13:46This guy thought he was sleeping with his sister-in-law,
0:13:46 > 0:13:48but it turns out she was a man.
0:13:50 > 0:13:51Really?!
0:13:53 > 0:13:56No, not that. You! What happened to you?
0:13:56 > 0:14:00I had a little visitor last night - a little thing called reality.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Hey, hey, come on.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04What time is your first interview?
0:14:04 > 0:14:09Ha-ha-ha-ha! That's funny, really funny.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Hey, come on, you've got so much to look forward to, Susan,
0:14:12 > 0:14:15you've got your interviews, you've got to make that speech.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17You're keynote speaker, remember?
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Well, let me fill you in with a little secret.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23I wasn't their first choice.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Oh, there's nothing wrong with being second.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Third?
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Fourth?
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Fifth!
0:14:33 > 0:14:36The fourth choice didn't even go to our school.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Good God!
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Look at this, this is a mess.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Is this what I look like when I do this?
0:14:45 > 0:14:46- Pretty much.- Su...
0:14:46 > 0:14:49- BOTTLES CLINK - Susan, come on, this is not...
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Susan.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Is there...? Argh!
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Is there anything I can do to help, you know?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Just leave me alone.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03OK, fine, I'll just give you a little space, no problem.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05You're just pretending to care about me
0:15:05 > 0:15:10- because you're worried I'm going to drink all your alcohol. - I think that's really unfair!
0:15:12 > 0:15:13Hi, Dad.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17- Have you got my necklace back? - Janey, please.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19When I say I'm going to do something, I do it, OK?
0:15:19 > 0:15:23I've made phone calls, I've sent emails.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27- You're leaving this to Kenzo, aren't you?- Well, he's a very resourceful boy.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Hey, I found a biscuit under the fridge.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- See what I mean?- Where's Mum?
0:15:33 > 0:15:37She's on the couch. She's having a bad time of it lately.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40- What did you do?- Hey, listen, I...
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Hey, I didn't do anything at all. It's not my fault.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45Ha! This is weird.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- You're absolutely sure? - I didn't do anything.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51- This is a first, I'll give you that. - Do you want me to talk to her?
0:15:51 > 0:15:53- Yeah, I'd appreciate that.- OK.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59- And you're absolutely sure it wasn't your fault?- I know, who'd have thought?
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Another little loosener, Grandad?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10- How did it go with Sadie? - Not so good.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14I tried to get back the necklace, but she wouldn't do it.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16- But she did give me this watch.- Really?
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Well, that's a very nice gesture.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23That's a very... That's a Cartier! What are you doing?
0:16:23 > 0:16:27- I'm putting it in the sink to see if it's waterproof.- No, no, no.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29No, no. Don't. No!
0:16:29 > 0:16:31HE LAUGHS
0:16:31 > 0:16:36I...I think your little friend Sadie didn't quite know what she was giving you.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40No, I'm sorry, Kenzo, we're going to have to ring up Sadie's parents, yep.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43This is going to have to go straight back.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Why are you putting it on your wrist?
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Safe keeping. Safe keeping.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Because this is my little precious.
0:16:54 > 0:16:55(Precious.)
0:16:55 > 0:16:58This is very precious, you understand?
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Mum, talk to me.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Doughnut?
0:17:07 > 0:17:11No, thanks. Mum, come on, things can't be that bad.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15Huh. You have no idea, Janey.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17You're young, you don't know.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21It's like you're walking along a train track
0:17:21 > 0:17:26and it's right behind you, then, one day, bam - you don't even see it coming.
0:17:28 > 0:17:29Life is pain.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33It sucks your soul out.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36You know, Mum, if I ever get married again,
0:17:36 > 0:17:39would you mind if Dad gave the toast?
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Hey, I'm just telling you like it is, huh?
0:17:43 > 0:17:45You know, that's my duty as your mother, right?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Or have I been a bad mother, too?
0:17:47 > 0:17:50- Worthless and a bad mother. Oh, fantastic(!)- Mum!
0:17:50 > 0:17:55- What are you talking about? You're a great mother. - At least I'm not sugarcoating it.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57A lot of mothers would sit here
0:17:57 > 0:17:59and tell you, "Everything is going to be fine.
0:17:59 > 0:18:05"Life is great, chase your dreams. Blah, blah, blah, blah."
0:18:05 > 0:18:06But you know what?
0:18:06 > 0:18:10The only place you're going to chase them to is the crap heap.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16- Doughnut?- Please.
0:18:22 > 0:18:23FRONT DOOR SLAMS
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Oh, Susan, come on!
0:18:28 > 0:18:31It's been three days now, this is...
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Susan, please, come on, this has got to stop.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Tell me at least you've worked on your speech?
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Oh! Oh, yes, yes.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43I worked on my speech all right.
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Ha-ha!
0:18:44 > 0:18:47SHE CLEARS THROAT AND COUGHS
0:18:48 > 0:18:51"Ladies and gentlemen,
0:18:51 > 0:18:53"I was told to start with a joke, so here it is...
0:18:53 > 0:18:55"My life!"
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Pause for applause.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03"I stand before you today, unemployed,
0:19:03 > 0:19:05"fat and angry."
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Yeah. Rule of three, always good.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11"When I was at school I hated every second of it,
0:19:11 > 0:19:15"but who knew those would turn out to be the best days of my life?"
0:19:17 > 0:19:18You should start with a few jokes,
0:19:18 > 0:19:22you're coming across as a little bit of a sourpuss.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24"Of course, sadly,
0:19:24 > 0:19:28"some of our classmates are no longer with us.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30"And, believe me, they had the easy way out.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35"So, as far as I'm concerned, you can all take your optimism,
0:19:35 > 0:19:37"and your positivity, and shove it up your..."
0:19:37 > 0:19:42Yes, all right, Susan, that's enough, come on. Come on, this isn't you, Susan.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45What happened to the girl who spits in the face of adversity?
0:19:45 > 0:19:48She's watching Bargain Hunt in a vodka-stained tracksuit.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52Hey, come on.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57I think you need some help, darling.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00All right? And I'm here for you...
0:20:00 > 0:20:02because I love you.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07DOORBELL RINGS
0:20:10 > 0:20:12No, it's OK, don't get up, I'll get that(!)
0:20:15 > 0:20:19- Hello.- Oh, hi, I'm Twyla Curtis.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- I'm Sadie's mum. - Oh, yes...um...of course.
0:20:22 > 0:20:27Erm... Come in. Come in.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Not quite that far, just...er...
0:20:32 > 0:20:36So Kenzo and Sadie are now an item.
0:20:36 > 0:20:37I hope you approve?
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Kenzo's a lovely lad. He's very handsome, too.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Well, takes after his grandad.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Oh. Where is he?
0:20:46 > 0:20:50- About this watch, Twyla...- Yes, I'm a bit embarrassed about that.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54- I should never have told Sadie to give it to Kenzo. - You told her to give it to Kenzo?
0:20:54 > 0:20:58When I saw the necklace, I thought she should try and reciprocate.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00I'm sorry, so you're not worried about losing it?
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- Oh, no, it was my ex-husband's. - Was it? Ah.
0:21:03 > 0:21:04Mmm-hmm.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09Of course, I should have just had her return the necklace straightaway, but...
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Well, it's just a shame, really, because she just loves it.
0:21:12 > 0:21:17Well, and he...er...just loves his watch.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20- Mmm. I mean it almost feels wrong making them return them.- Mmm.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22After all, a gift is a gift.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25That is true, isn't it? Very true.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Um, well...
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Well, we could just...
0:21:31 > 0:21:33let the kids keep them.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37What a good idea. I mean, they know they can't do it again.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Well, not every day.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Well...lovely meeting you...
0:21:43 > 0:21:45- And you.- ..Twyla. Bye.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48HE CHUCKLES
0:21:48 > 0:21:50(Ooh.)
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Don't bother introducing me! >
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Thank you for coming round, Vicar,
0:21:58 > 0:22:00we really are at the end of our tether.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04It's no problem, but I must say I was surprised you called.
0:22:04 > 0:22:09I don't think I've seen you since you sang Away In A Manger at the Christmas nativity.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Well, that kid was making a right mess of it.
0:22:13 > 0:22:18I just hope I can help. You see, it's a key part of my job
0:22:18 > 0:22:20to offer guidance and support to those in need.
0:22:20 > 0:22:25- Mmm-hmm. And you're free, right? - You could always make a donation. - We'll see how you get on.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28- Well, Susan's depressed? - Mmm, very, yeah.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32And, you know, she's all I have, Vicar.
0:22:32 > 0:22:37And...er...I'd be really grateful if you could at least just get her off the couch.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Mmm.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43You know, Ben, a lot of people in the parish talk about you,
0:22:43 > 0:22:48but to see this sensitive side of you, it's very heart-warming.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Oh, thank you, thank you so much,
0:22:51 > 0:22:55but I would be grateful if you could get her off the couch by one o'clock,
0:22:55 > 0:22:56because the Grand Prix is on.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06And not only am I suffocating,
0:23:06 > 0:23:11I feel like I'm trapped and drowning at the bottom of a 50ft well
0:23:11 > 0:23:13and no-one can hear me scream.
0:23:13 > 0:23:17But...you're all right in yourself?
0:23:20 > 0:23:24- I just don't know what to do. - Well, in these situations,
0:23:24 > 0:23:27I believe that the simplest solution is often the best.
0:23:27 > 0:23:32My advice to you is to find one simple thing that gives you pleasure.
0:23:32 > 0:23:33Yes.
0:23:35 > 0:23:36Vodka.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40Or...or something more spiritual, perhaps?
0:23:40 > 0:23:44It can be as simple as a walk in a park, a cup of tea,
0:23:44 > 0:23:47or time spent with a loved one. DOOR OPENS
0:23:47 > 0:23:49BEN MOUTHS
0:23:51 > 0:23:56Or...or...or... or maybe just focus on something
0:23:56 > 0:23:58that brings a smile to your face.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Tox me!
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Susan, I've only just been approved to do this.
0:24:03 > 0:24:07I mean, I want to practise on some patients I don't like
0:24:07 > 0:24:10- before I do it to you. - I don't care, just do it.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12I thought you were above all this.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15That was three days and 30 doughnuts ago.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19The vicar told me I should focus on something that would put a smile on my face.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23I'm not sure he meant injections with live botulism.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Look, if I look better, I'll feel better.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29- I'll be able to walk into that room with confidence.- OK.
0:24:29 > 0:24:30OK, OK, OK.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34- Step one. Right, step one.- OK. - "Wash hands thoroughly." Yep.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37- Stop stalling and get on with it!- Right.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42You know, this was a lot easier with Mr Pepper.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46- OK. All right?- Mmm.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50BEN EXHALES
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Stay still, Susan. Stay still.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Yep, that's better, that's better.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03- Nothing's happened. - Hmm?- I look the same.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Well, it says it takes a little time to work.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10- Hang on.- What? - You said you could do collagen too.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13You can't do it at the same time!
0:25:13 > 0:25:16- I don't care. Just do it! - Susan! Susan!
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Collagen! Now!
0:25:24 > 0:25:26- LISPS:- Oh, my God.- Mmm.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29I look amazing.
0:25:31 > 0:25:32Thank you, darling.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34BEN CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY
0:25:35 > 0:25:37You all right now?
0:25:37 > 0:25:39- I'm good to go!- Yes!
0:25:39 > 0:25:42- Kiss me.- I'll try.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46Ah, let me just get rid of a bit of that seepage on your forehead.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48- Thank you. - PHONE RINGS
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Hang on, do you want...? No, I'll...
0:25:52 > 0:25:53Hello?
0:25:54 > 0:25:58Yes, hang on. It's Katie from the art gallery.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Hang on, I'll just see if she can talk to you.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04And I mean really see if she CAN talk to you.
0:26:07 > 0:26:08Hello?
0:26:08 > 0:26:10I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13- LISPING:- On the contrary, it's a perfect time. What do you want?
0:26:13 > 0:26:16I'm afraid we made a mistake. We need you back here.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19We underestimated how much experience means in this business.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Oh, really?
0:26:21 > 0:26:23We'd like you to reconsider.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25- LISPING:- With an increase in pay?
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- What?- An increase in pay?
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- Sorry?- More money!
0:26:33 > 0:26:34Yes, more money.
0:26:34 > 0:26:39- I'll see you Monday. - Oh, I think we have a bad connection. I'll see you on Monday.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43- All right.- Well done, that's great! Great, isn't it?
0:26:43 > 0:26:46I mean you've got your job back. Ha! Congratulations! You look...
0:26:46 > 0:26:49You look...
0:26:49 > 0:26:50- happy!- Thank you.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54I don't know what happened to me - I was like I was a whole different person.
0:26:54 > 0:26:55Oh, dear.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57I'm sorry, darling.
0:26:57 > 0:27:02- I'm sorry for being so hard on you. - It's no problem, darling.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04Aargh! What the hell have you done to me?
0:27:04 > 0:27:07- You begged me to do that. - I look like a monster.
0:27:07 > 0:27:12- But a happy monster.- I can't go like this. I can't...- No, Susan, please, not on the couch again!
0:27:12 > 0:27:14- I can't go like this.- Susan!
0:27:16 > 0:27:18No, no, no, you're right.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21- I'm better than this. I'm Susan Harper.- Mmm-hmm.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25- I'm not going to let a little bump like this put me off.- No, come on!
0:27:25 > 0:27:28I am going to make the best speech of my life.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Yeah, yeah, course you are.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32How do I look?
0:27:32 > 0:27:35You look as pretty as a picture.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40Come on. Go!
0:27:43 > 0:27:48- LISPING:- So, in conclusion, let me just say that we have been blessed
0:27:48 > 0:27:51to attend this educational establishment...
0:27:51 > 0:27:52Excuse me.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01..where we have learnt to become strong,
0:28:01 > 0:28:07independent women who can face the future with dignity and grace.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Wonderful speech, Susan.
0:28:12 > 0:28:16You really spoke for all of us.
0:28:16 > 0:28:17- Ladies?- Oh.
0:28:43 > 0:28:46Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:46 > 0:28:49E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk