0:00:02 > 0:00:04GUNSHOTS FROM TV Michael, what the hell is going on?
0:00:04 > 0:00:07I can hear gunshots, sirens and agonised screams.
0:00:07 > 0:00:08How is this possible?
0:00:08 > 0:00:11Your mother's not home yet.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14Sorry, it's my new game. I'll turn it down.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Oh, don't let me put you out(!)
0:00:16 > 0:00:19As you're in a house you don't live in, playing on a TV you don't own,
0:00:19 > 0:00:22can I offer you a drink you didn't actually pay for(?)
0:00:22 > 0:00:26No, thanks. Scott and I are in the middle of a game.
0:00:31 > 0:00:35- Scott's not here, Mikey.- He's playing this same game over at our place.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39- Yeah?- We wanted to try multi-player so I bought another copy and brought it here.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42- That's his avatar right there. - Oh, my...that is...
0:00:42 > 0:00:44What's an avatar?
0:00:44 > 0:00:48It's his virtual self. So we can interact without being in the same room.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53I must get your mother one of those.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Hell Squad Seven.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01It's the most realistic war simulation game ever.
0:01:01 > 0:01:05They did six years of research capturing every part of military and combat life.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07The detail is amazing.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08EXPLOSION
0:01:11 > 0:01:14The screen just went white. What does that mean, you're dead?
0:01:14 > 0:01:17I was busted for oversleeping and now I'm cleaning toilets.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22War is hell, son. War is hell.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Mind you, you should try marriage.
0:01:24 > 0:01:25Hmm?
0:01:25 > 0:01:27MOUTHS
0:01:42 > 0:01:47DOOR SLAMS In 25 years of dentistry, 25 years,
0:01:47 > 0:01:50that has to be the worst day ever!
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Do you know what Cavitex has got us doing now?
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Do you know what they've got us doing?
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Time cards. Yes, time cards.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01It's all right, I already have a glass of wine.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03They're not for you.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05Silly me(!)
0:02:05 > 0:02:09Yep, every minute of the day has to be accounted for.
0:02:09 > 0:02:13They've even limited our toilet breaks to 20 minutes.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15What takes you longer than 20 minutes?
0:02:18 > 0:02:23That's beside the point. I like doing the crossword.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Max's Magic Pickle?
0:02:27 > 0:02:29That's a bit heavy going for you, isn't it?
0:02:31 > 0:02:35For your information, your wife is about to appear on TV.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37HE GASPS Crimewatch?
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Not yet. Children's presenter.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46- HE GASPS No!- Mmm!- Yeah?
0:02:46 > 0:02:48I've been reading books to children at the library.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52One of the mothers heard me. Turns out she's a TV producer and she...
0:02:52 > 0:02:55No! How much does it pay?
0:02:55 > 0:02:58- Can I tell the story my way, please? - Yep, sorry, fine. Carry on.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59Thank you. Thank you.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02- So she spotted my natural talent... - Yeah.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06..and said I would be a perfect host for her new kids breakfast show.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07How much does it pay?
0:03:07 > 0:03:10- I don't know and I don't care. - No, sorry.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13I'll have my own dressing room, free travel and a puppet sidekick,
0:03:13 > 0:03:16which after living with you for 30 years should be a doddle.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21But how much does it...? Never mind. Look, look,
0:03:21 > 0:03:26if this job of yours makes us rich, I can kiss those Cavitex cretins goodbye.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28It's no fun when you think the world is against you -
0:03:28 > 0:03:32- it's worse hearing you whingeing. - It's not just me, it's all the dentists!
0:03:32 > 0:03:36They can't stand Cavitex and their slimeball-in-chief, Mr Griffith.
0:03:36 > 0:03:40Can we skip moaning and get to the part where you do nothing about it?
0:03:40 > 0:03:45A-ha! For your information, Susan, I have organised a meeting of the South East representatives.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48We'll meet tomorrow to discuss what action we should take.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52- You really take your toilet breaks seriously.- Oh, yeah!
0:03:52 > 0:03:53Now, I don't know about you lot,
0:03:53 > 0:03:56but this is affecting my life very negatively.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59I can't sleep, I can't eat.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03This is impacting on me and my entire family.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06We've established you're not happy about the toilet breaks.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09I'm glad to see representatives throughout the greater London area.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12I myself will be representing Hounslow.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13What am I doing, Ben?
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Who wants coffee?
0:04:17 > 0:04:19The real strength of this organisation
0:04:19 > 0:04:21lies in the individual dentists.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24And assembled in this room are the best and the brightest.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26< Ow, ow, ow! Hot, hot, hot, hot!
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Technically, he's not in the room.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33Individually, we're just cogs in a corporate machine,
0:04:33 > 0:04:36but together, friends, we represent real power.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40The kind of power that makes a corporation like Cavitex tremble.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41< THUMPING
0:04:41 > 0:04:44This is the thin end of the wedge, only the beginning.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47What next? Cutting overtime, slashing holidays?
0:04:47 > 0:04:51We are being squeezed like a tube of toothpaste.
0:04:51 > 0:04:56- ROGER CHUCKLES - That's very clever because we are dentists and we use toothpaste.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59We're not going to stand for it any more, are we?
0:04:59 > 0:05:00ALL: No!
0:05:00 > 0:05:04We're with you, Ben! We're not doormats that can be stepped on!
0:05:04 > 0:05:07- Shut up, Roger.- Sorry, yes. - It's time for action, friends.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Tonight the executive board is meeting and I suggest we crash it
0:05:10 > 0:05:13and demand better treatment or we'll go on strike!
0:05:13 > 0:05:15ALL: Yeah! Yes!
0:05:15 > 0:05:18- We're sick and tired of being pushed around.- Yes!
0:05:18 > 0:05:22- Sorry, I thought we'd all be shouting then.- So it's all agreed.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Tonight we crash that meeting and take the suits to the cleaners!
0:05:25 > 0:05:28ALL: Yeah! PHONE RINGS
0:05:28 > 0:05:32And that is very funny too because you DO take suits to the cleaners.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36Sorry about this. Hello? Mr Griffith.
0:05:36 > 0:05:37ALL SIGH
0:05:37 > 0:05:41Oh, really, you want to see me today?
0:05:41 > 0:05:45Oh, I'm afraid I'm...er... I'm very busy. You'll have to wait.
0:05:45 > 0:05:50Yeah, of course, yes, I'll...er... I'll just check my diary.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Yeah, I can be with you right away.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57But I demand to know what it's all about.
0:05:57 > 0:06:02OK, yeah, sure. You can tell me when I get there. Be fine, yeah.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04I'll see you in an hour.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08No, no, ten minutes? OK. Bye, Mr Griffith.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12Yeah, I'm very sorry but I'm not going to take this lying down.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14No, none of us are... We are all together!
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Yeah. Goodbye, sir.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20You know, Ben, I can't wait to see you negotiate tonight.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23I have got the feeling that he is a natural!
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Roger, you've either got it or you haven't.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Sorry, gotta rush.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34And Max packed up his magic pickle.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38He knew it would be ready if the world ever needed it again.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41The end.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47Incredible. That was absolutely incredible, Susan.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Thank you, Darci, thank you!
0:06:49 > 0:06:51We were hanging on every word, weren't we, Barry?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53SQUEAKY VOICE: Hello!
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Oh, hello. Who's this?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57I'm Dickens the Chimp. Knock knock.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Er, who's there?
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Bananas.
0:07:00 > 0:07:01Bananas who?
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Who cares? It's bananas! Let's eat 'em! Yum yum yum!
0:07:05 > 0:07:10Susan, this is Barry. He'll play Dickens the Chimp on the show.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Oh, nice to meet you, Barry.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14SQUEAKY VOICE: Nice to meet you, too.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Oh, you're still in character.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18No, I'm me now...
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Oh.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23- We just need a moment, Barry. - OK, Darci.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26- I have a doctor's appointment. Can I leave early?- Sure.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34I'm excited to start work. When's my first episode due to record?
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Unfortunately, it's not that simple. There's another candidate.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40One of the mums from my son's school was reading and she was pretty good.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Here she is now! Susan, meet...
0:07:42 > 0:07:44- Janey?- Mum?
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Oh, so you two know each other?
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Oh, she's my daughter.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53Oh. Right, so at least someone in the family will be on TV!
0:07:53 > 0:07:56You mean it's between me or my mum?
0:07:56 > 0:08:00Yes, but being family means there won't be any hard feelings.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Mr Griffith?
0:08:09 > 0:08:10Hello, Ben.
0:08:10 > 0:08:16So...I, er, I take it you've, um, heard about our plans?
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- About what?- What?
0:08:18 > 0:08:19- What?- What?
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Ben, I called you in to offer you a promotion.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25We have an opening for a senior personnel executive.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27I don't think so. Excuse me.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30No, Ben, please, just hear me out.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33We at head office have been keeping an eye on you.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36And you, sir, are a diamond in the rough.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38What? Me?
0:08:38 > 0:08:40You're not only the best dentist we have,
0:08:40 > 0:08:43but you also have the qualities that set you aside as a leader.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Really?
0:08:46 > 0:08:49You have the power not only to lead, but to inspire.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53Your potential is limitless. Need I say more?
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Can't hurt.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57This will be your office.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00This will be your desk.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Sit down, Ben.
0:09:04 > 0:09:05No.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- Oh...- Try it out!
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Oh, really, um... No, I...
0:09:14 > 0:09:17You look pretty good behind that desk.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19It feels pretty good.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22- You've worked hard for this, Ben. - Yeah, I have.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24- You deserve it.- I do.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27The only thing that's missing is a photograph of your family.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Or not.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32So what do you say, Ben?
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Hmmmm, I'm just not sure.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Well, your salary will triple.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42You get your own private bathroom, company car, extended holidays...
0:09:42 > 0:09:44I see.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47What's this?
0:09:48 > 0:09:49Your pencil sharpener.
0:09:52 > 0:09:53Ooh.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56So, what do you say, Ben?
0:09:58 > 0:10:00- Well...- Excellent!
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Welcome to the Cavitex family.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04I thought I was already a member of the family?
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Yeah, I suppose.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Now take the rest of the day off, go and do some shopping.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12After all, that clothing allowance won't spend itself.
0:10:12 > 0:10:18- I'll introduce you to the rest of the team at tonight's board meeting. - Ah, that's a very funny thing
0:10:18 > 0:10:23because I-I was supposed to crash that board meeting tonight with a list of the dentists' demands.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Oh? And what demands do they have, then?
0:10:26 > 0:10:30We... Do you know, they've suddenly slipped my mind.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Don't touch me.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39RAPID GUNFIRE FROM COMPUTER GAME
0:10:41 > 0:10:43Mikey! Mikey, Mikey, Mikey!
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Hey, Dad.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Mikey, Mikey, Mikey, Mikey!
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Hey, Dad.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Mikey, Mikey, Mikey!
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Something on your mind, Dad?
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Well, as you won't let it drop...
0:10:56 > 0:11:02you are looking at the new head of Human Resources for the Cavitex Corporation.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Don't take this the wrong way, but why you of all people?
0:11:07 > 0:11:12Because Mr Griffith wanted a man not only to lead, but to inspire.
0:11:12 > 0:11:13Why didn't he hire that person?
0:11:15 > 0:11:16Look out, Mikey, sniper.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21So are you and Scott still in the thick of battle?
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Actually, no, we broke up.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Really? How are you taking it, all right?
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Fine. I shot him in the back of the head.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30In the game?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32- Yeah.- Oh, thank God...
0:11:32 > 0:11:35FRONT DOOR CLOSES Hey hey! Ho ho!
0:11:35 > 0:11:40- So? How'd it go at the TV studio, Mum?- Well, it was... - Oh, that's how it is, is it?
0:11:40 > 0:11:43When it's the tinsel and glitter of a puppet show you're all ears,
0:11:43 > 0:11:47but when your father becomes a corporate bigwig, you can't be bothered.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51- What's he talking about?- Cavitex made Dad Head of Human Resources.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Really? But he has no resources and he's barely human.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00I know, he's useless.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02I'm still standing here, you know.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Or at least I was.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10So, your audition went well?
0:12:10 > 0:12:17Very well, very well, Michael. I'm one of two finalists.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Yeah, Janey dropped by and told me all about it.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24Sounds like all the ingredients of a classic mother-daughter cat fight.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Michael, please. Janey and I are beyond such things.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30We'll support each other in every way.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32PHONE RINGS
0:12:32 > 0:12:36Hello? Yes, yes, this is Susan Harper.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Oh, you want to move my audition?
0:12:40 > 0:12:44Just let me get a pen, so it's Friday instead of Thursday.
0:12:44 > 0:12:49That's right, Susan. And don't be late. You wouldn't want to miss out because of a scheduling cock-up.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- Janey...- Not now, Mum, I'm on the phone.- Janey!
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Got to go.
0:12:57 > 0:13:01Well, if that's the calibre of your performance, I'll sail through.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04- Like you could do better. - I could. I could.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06I've been reading to kids for years.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08I read to Kenzo all the time.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Clothing catalogues don't count.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14Forgive me for wanting my son to know the difference between a V and crew neck jumper.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18All right, then. Why do you think you deserve this so much?
0:13:18 > 0:13:19Because I'm good with kids.
0:13:19 > 0:13:24Oh, yeah, right(!) So, where is your own son right now?
0:13:26 > 0:13:29That's not the point. What makes YOU think you deserve it?
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Because I have a soothing voice
0:13:32 > 0:13:35and a calm persona that kids find REALLY RELAXING!
0:13:35 > 0:13:37What are you two shouting about?
0:13:37 > 0:13:39There he is!
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Nice touch. You look really powerful.
0:13:48 > 0:13:49Thank you, Roger.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Er, could you all please take your seats?
0:13:56 > 0:13:57So, Ben...
0:14:04 > 0:14:08- THEY MOUTH:- What are you doing? - I tried to call you.
0:14:10 > 0:14:16And they all lived happily ever after. The end.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20Well? What do you think?
0:14:20 > 0:14:21I like the monkey.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25It's not the real one. I just have it there to capture the mood.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29- Monkeys are funny.- But how do you think I read the story?
0:14:29 > 0:14:33Maybe if I had a bit more ice cream...
0:14:33 > 0:14:35I've already given you three bowls
0:14:35 > 0:14:39and the most constructive thing you've said is, "Monkeys are funny."
0:14:39 > 0:14:42It's going to take a lot more than that to get bowl number four.
0:14:42 > 0:14:47OK, your eyes are darting, your page turns are way too loud
0:14:47 > 0:14:49and that non-stop smile -
0:14:49 > 0:14:51it's really creeping me out.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56Do I stop there or do you want more help?
0:15:00 > 0:15:05And now I'd like to introduce our new head of Human Resources, Mr Ben Harper.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08- BOOING - Shame, shame!
0:15:08 > 0:15:10May I just say,
0:15:10 > 0:15:13we have some genuine grievances we would like to see addressed.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16We're not going to lie down and let you lot ride roughshod over...
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Please, please, please, Jonathan.
0:15:19 > 0:15:25In Ben's absence, I would like to handle this.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26You have a list of our demands.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29I would respectfully encourage you to take them seriously.
0:15:29 > 0:15:35If you don't, we will walk. So, please...
0:15:35 > 0:15:37kindly give us what we want.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Please. ..Thank you.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44What? What's the matter?
0:15:44 > 0:15:49Well, I'm unsure how to handle his excessively polite demands.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53Yes... Look, leave him to me. I'll-I'll handle this.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Are you sure, Ben? A few hours ago, these people were your friends.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Sure, but then you people gave me a shed load of money.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Come on, try and keep up.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05Tick-tock, people. Either meet our demands or we strike.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09That's pretty big talk coming from a man who sleeps with a teddy bear.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11That's not true.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Oh, no. Two teddy bears now, isn't it?
0:16:13 > 0:16:17Mr Teddy recently got hitched, yes, but that's irrelevant.
0:16:17 > 0:16:22We're here to demand satisfaction. So what's it going to be?
0:16:22 > 0:16:23Yes, or no.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27THE ANSWER IS NO! NO! NO! NO!
0:16:27 > 0:16:32If you don't like it, go on strike! And if you go on strike, we'll lock you out! OK?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Go on, go on, go on, on your bikes!
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Get out, good riddance! Go on, out!
0:16:38 > 0:16:39Out!
0:16:46 > 0:16:49What? Well, I'm head of Human Resources, aren't I?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Can you believe that little ingrate, Janey?
0:16:55 > 0:16:57Roger's pathetic demands are an insult.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Competing against her own mother for a job.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02They're getting more than they deserve already.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06I've given that girl everything, and can she give me this one thing? No!
0:17:06 > 0:17:09If those proles think this strike will work, they're mad.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Trying to trick me into showing up late.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14I think we should just hire scabs and let them take over.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16It's like she's become a different person.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Actually, no, it's typical Janey.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21I mean, it's dentistry, not rocket science.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24I'm not letting her waltz in, wiggle her bottom
0:17:24 > 0:17:27and snatch away something that's rightfully mine. I can't.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29- BOTH:- I won't.
0:17:32 > 0:17:37Do you know, I'm really glad we can still talk like this, you know.
0:17:37 > 0:17:38Yeah, me too.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44SCRAPING >
0:17:46 > 0:17:47Su...
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Roger? What the hell are you doing?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Oh...hello, Ben.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27I was, er, just out for a stroll...
0:18:27 > 0:18:31and I needed to jot down a few thoughts.
0:18:31 > 0:18:36In spray paint? On my door?
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Oh, I'm sorry, Ben.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41- They sent me over here to vandalise your house.- They what?
0:18:41 > 0:18:44We just don't understand why you betrayed us!
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Oh, Roger, Roger, Roger...
0:18:47 > 0:18:50I can't believe you haven't figured it out yet.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54- I haven't betrayed you. - You haven't?- No.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Come on, I took this job to win their trust,
0:18:57 > 0:19:00so I could report everything back to you guys, you know?
0:19:00 > 0:19:05I mean, eh, I can do more damage from the inside.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08- That makes a lot of sense. - I'm telling you.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11You are a true friend, Ben.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Come on, Rog, let's go in the kitchen, have a cup of cocoa
0:19:14 > 0:19:17and tell me all the strategies you dentists have planned.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Like a fish in a barrel.
0:19:22 > 0:19:27OK, let's get started then, shall we? Um, unfortunately,
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Barry the puppeteer has damaged his vocal cords doing his Dickens.
0:19:30 > 0:19:35Well, that's not surprising. That voice is such a departure for him.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38I thought, just for fun, you two could take turns playing Dickens
0:19:38 > 0:19:41while the other reads a story. Is that OK?
0:19:41 > 0:19:43- Fine.- No problem.- Right, OK.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46I'll leave you to it then. Good luck.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Ready, guys? >
0:20:03 > 0:20:05And action! >
0:20:07 > 0:20:12Hello, children. Today, Dickens and I are going to read the story
0:20:12 > 0:20:13Pancho the Field Mouse.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15It's pronounced Poncho.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16Thank you, Dickens.
0:20:18 > 0:20:23Just trying not to make you look stupid.
0:21:26 > 0:21:27OK, that'll be lunch.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30KNOCK AT DOOR
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- How's it going, Ben? - Good, just keeping on top of things.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- Well, you're doing a great job. Keep it up.- Thank you.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43Oh...while I'm here...
0:21:43 > 0:21:47..I understand that you and Roger Bailey had a little chat last night.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Any interesting information come out of that?
0:21:50 > 0:21:54Actually, it did, yes. But I think I'd better be honest with you,
0:21:54 > 0:21:57I'm not entirely happy with this position...
0:21:59 > 0:22:01How do you mean?
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Well, when I, when I accepted this post,
0:22:04 > 0:22:07I, um, thought I had something to offer, you know?
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Something more meaningful.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11And if you think I'm going to sit around all day,
0:22:11 > 0:22:15twiddling my thumbs, cashing cheques and acting as your mole,
0:22:15 > 0:22:17you don't know the real Ben Harper.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19I'll give you a £20,000 a year raise.
0:22:19 > 0:22:24It's a picket line, Thursday 10am, 100 people, financially they can't make it past next Tuesday
0:22:24 > 0:22:27and I'm going to need more pencils. Oh, and, er, a pen.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31Excellent work, Ben. Let's discuss the details over a drink.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35Drink? At this time of the morning, good God!
0:22:35 > 0:22:36It's only half past ten.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39You have so much to learn about executive life!
0:22:39 > 0:22:40Don't touch me.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47And...action.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Once upon a time there was a man named Mr Giggles.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57Mr Giggles loved to giggle. He giggled in the morning.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00He giggled in the afternoon. He giggled in the eve...
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Glad somebody's having a good time.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07But Mr Giggles could never forget the one day he didn't giggle.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09DICKENS SNIFFS
0:23:09 > 0:23:11That was the day...
0:23:11 > 0:23:13Pooey!
0:23:13 > 0:23:17That was the day Mr Giggles broke his spine in three places.
0:23:17 > 0:23:18It doesn't say that.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Oh, yes, it does. Right here.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Ow!
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Don't interrupt!
0:23:29 > 0:23:33Mr Giggles awoke to find that his heater had broken. This...
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Sorry. Just grooming.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38I'll groom you, you little...
0:23:38 > 0:23:41- Ow, my neck!- You're this close to me performing animal experimentation.
0:23:41 > 0:23:45- Don't take it out on the monkey! - I wasn't talking about the monkey.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49When I'm finished with you, you'll be sucking bananas through a straw.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51It'd be the best meal you've ever made!
0:23:51 > 0:23:56- You're not too old to go over my knee!- Oh, try it, Grandma!
0:24:03 > 0:24:05So which one of us got it?
0:24:07 > 0:24:10In light of our inability to reach an agreement,
0:24:10 > 0:24:14the dentists' union will return to work
0:24:14 > 0:24:17under the terms dictated by Cavitex.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Excellent, Roger. I couldn't have put it better myself.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22You gave me this to read.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Yes, so I did. Let's make it nice and official, shall we?
0:24:25 > 0:24:29Yes, of course, sir. I have the relevant paperwork here
0:24:29 > 0:24:31if you'd like to hand that around.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34One for you lot. There.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38And of course, for you, sir, if you would just sign here...
0:24:38 > 0:24:42Oh, yes. ..And here.
0:24:42 > 0:24:47Ben Harper, whatever friendship we once shared is well and truly over.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51Oh, stop it, Roger, I can't keep taking the good news.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Well done, Ben. By breaching their original contract,
0:24:54 > 0:24:59these dentists have forfeited their bonus, their holiday pay and their built-in salary increase.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Perfect ending to the perfect day.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Before you go, I have some news for you.
0:25:04 > 0:25:05My pencils have arrived?
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Not quite, no. You're sacked.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Your position has been eliminated.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12What? But you can't sack me, I'm head of Human Resources.
0:25:12 > 0:25:16You can sack yourself if you like, the result will be the same.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19But you can't throw me back to the dental dogs.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Look at them. They'll eat me alive.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Weird, huh?
0:25:25 > 0:25:26Well, that's it, is it?
0:25:26 > 0:25:30You give 48 hours of your life to a company and this is how you're treated?
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Fine. All right, I'm going.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36I shall go back to my office and collect my thing.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Before I go, sir,
0:25:38 > 0:25:42can I draw your attention to the contract you've all just signed.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Particularly clause 13, subsection Z?
0:25:44 > 0:25:46What are you talking about?
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Well, as head of Human Resources, I thought we'd get back to basics.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51- We're a dental company, right? - Right...
0:25:51 > 0:25:54As such, dental surgery should be our main priority.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58So all those qualified to perform dentistry, raise your hands. Good.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01And all those not qualified to perform dental surgery, raise yours.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Now use those hands to wave.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Goodbye. You're sacked.
0:26:11 > 0:26:12What are you talking about?
0:26:12 > 0:26:16I got bored sharpening pencils, so I spent some time adjusting the contracts.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18- You're joking.- Little tip.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22Never sign a contract without reading the small print
0:26:22 > 0:26:26- and never call a late-night phone-in using your wife's credit card.- What?
0:26:26 > 0:26:27That's a...thing for me.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30OK guys, come on, let's hit the bar.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Ben, you can't do this. This'll finish all of us.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Weird, huh?
0:26:35 > 0:26:37- Ben!- Don't touch me.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Hey, Mikey! How's it going, boy?
0:26:47 > 0:26:50Dad, this has been such an amazing day! I was out walking
0:26:50 > 0:26:54when these five guys came out of nowhere and jumped on top of me.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57What you do in your spare time, Mikey, is your own business.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59In the game, Dad. I thought I was a dead man.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02But then Scott burst in, blew them away
0:27:02 > 0:27:04and had us both airlifted to safety!
0:27:04 > 0:27:08And all without a single scratch on my character's health points!
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- Mikey, this guy Scott's a keeper! - I know.
0:27:13 > 0:27:14What a loser.
0:27:14 > 0:27:15Hey!
0:27:15 > 0:27:18How's my favourite executive?
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Great! I got sacked.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22You don't seem overly bothered.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25No, I got my old job back. And I got Griffith to sign a contract
0:27:25 > 0:27:30agreeing to new benefits, more money and extended toilet breaks.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33- How much more?- Ten minutes. I get to play sudoku as well.
0:27:33 > 0:27:37I was talking about the money but, hey, well done!
0:27:37 > 0:27:41Well, I have a surprise for you too. Janey got the TV job.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44- No!- I have the disk of her first show right here.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Well, you don't seem overly worried about it?
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Well, I'm proud of her. She had an easy way out
0:27:49 > 0:27:52but instead she fought hard for it. Literally.
0:27:52 > 0:27:53- Good for her.- Uh huh.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56She showed real spirit and, you know what, in the end,
0:27:56 > 0:27:59I think she got everything she deserved.
0:27:59 > 0:28:04Hello, children. Are you ready for another story, Dickens?
0:28:04 > 0:28:08I sure am, Barry. Today's story is Mr Giggle's Very Bad Day.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Where's Janey?
0:28:14 > 0:28:15She's the monkey.
0:28:22 > 0:28:23Monkeys are funny.