0:00:18 > 0:00:21Staring at your phone won't make it ring.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24Trust me, I've been doing it for years.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26Your father sent me another text.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Oh, well. Better luck next time.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31He's hasn't quite got the hang of texting yet.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34There are a lot of Russian letters in every message.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36I'm impressed he didn't take the remote by mistake.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39How long is he at that conference for?
0:00:39 > 0:00:41- A week.- Are you OK with that?
0:00:41 > 0:00:45Well, I had hoped they could stretch it out to a fortnight.
0:00:45 > 0:00:46PHONE BEEPS
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Oh, no not again! This is really frustrating.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Well, this one makes no sense at all.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56- What does it say?- "I miss u."
0:00:56 > 0:00:59He's even used a little "u". Look.
0:00:59 > 0:01:00What's that supposed to mean?
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Maybe he misses you?
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Don't be ridiculous!
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Maybe his phone's been stolen.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08Or he's been kidnapped!
0:01:08 > 0:01:10PHONE BEEPS
0:01:12 > 0:01:16Oh, he's got the predictive text wrong. He meant to say "I miss TV."
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Well, that's a relief.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Isn't this nice?
0:01:23 > 0:01:27A professional mother and daughter having a working lunch together.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30- How mature.- What a minger!
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Mum, she has seriously let herself go.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Darling, that's Peter Stringfellow.
0:01:37 > 0:01:38Hi, Susan.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42- Hi, Chris.- I'm just dropping off those sales figures.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46- You might want to keep an eye out - Katie's on the prowl. - Thanks, Chris.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Mum. Hello? Mum, who is that?
0:01:50 > 0:01:52He started here last week.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56Ooh, potential romantic interest in the workplace, Mum?
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Janey, please. I'm a happily married...
0:01:59 > 0:02:03I'm a married woman, and a professional and prefer to be seen as such.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05That is why I keep my personal and work life separate.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09And that is why, madam, you should really consider investing in some art.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11I have met your daughter before, Susan.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15Oh, thank God! I thought I was going to have to buy some art.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18- Sorry, I was getting back to work. - Relax, you're allowed a lunch break.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21It should have finished five minutes ago.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Time flies when you're having flan.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27I know it's fruit salad, but it didn't sound so...
0:02:27 > 0:02:30- hilarious.- I need to talk to you about the new exhibition.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33- Ah, did you like my display?- No.- Oh.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37It has no flow, poor structure, a shambolic layout.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Ah, yes, that's what I was aiming for.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43When you've finished not having flan, maybe you could redo the entire thing?
0:02:43 > 0:02:47- But that'll take hours. - You can have all night to get it done if you like.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50- How generous of you! - Chris can give you a hand.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Maybe he'll have a better take on it.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54It wouldn't be hard.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Ciao.
0:02:56 > 0:02:57Ciao.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59- DOOR CLOSES - Cow.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Result! You get to spend all night with Chris, the hot new guy.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06Yes, lucky me(!) I don't get nearly enough unpaid overtime.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08You're welcome to stick around and help out.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Oh, sure, why not?
0:03:10 > 0:03:14And by "help out", I mean hang paintings, not pout seductively for Chris's benefit.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Bye.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Hey, Kenzo, how was your day?
0:03:27 > 0:03:31- Rubbish.- You know, just cos Grandad's away, you don't have to fill in for him.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35We got our report cards at school, and mine sucks.
0:03:35 > 0:03:40Oh, well. Looks like I'm still the clever one in the family.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Not that I need that to define who I am.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Hang on, these are all A's, you little...
0:03:50 > 0:03:51..clever man.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55No, I got a C for Art.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58My teacher marked me down because he doesn't like me.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00I'm sure that's not true.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Yes, it is. Mr Tilley's mean.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Mr Tilley?
0:04:05 > 0:04:07He was MY art teacher.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10He never liked me and gave me rubbish marks.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13I bet he's got it in for you cos he hated me.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16And all because I pulled a few pranks on him.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18I thought you were good in school.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20I was.
0:04:20 > 0:04:25But there's a little part of me that hates being criticised, and lashes out at people because of it.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Did you get that from Grandad?
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Afraid so.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32And Mr Tilley got the brunt of it.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35He made me feel like I'd never amount to anything.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Well, you don't have a job.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40That's a bit harsh, Kenzo.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45You know what? I'm going to give Tilley a piece of my mind.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Tell him to leave you alone.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Well, you've got the time.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52It's not like you have to go to work.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Maybe Tilley's got a point about you.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02I suppose Katie might be happy if we stick that piece over there.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05I know where I'd rather stick it.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07I can't believe Katie's making us work this late.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10It's easier knowing there's a Chardonnay waiting.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13- Yeah, it's a shame it has to wait, really.- What was that?
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Have a glass with me.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18- Are you sure about this?- It's fine.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22I've got another bottle in the fridge.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25And my husband's away, so I don't have to put anyone to bed when I get home.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28So...
0:05:28 > 0:05:30how's it looking?
0:05:30 > 0:05:34It's good. You've got a real eye for art, Susan.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37I could learn a lot from you.
0:05:37 > 0:05:38Oh, you!
0:05:40 > 0:05:41Yes, you probably could.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45It's so easy to get excited by art.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49This piece, for instance, is very evocative.
0:05:49 > 0:05:54The simplicity of two lines intertwined, creating the image of embracing lovers.
0:05:54 > 0:06:00To feel the physical bliss of sexual unity from basic shapes and angles.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04It shows the true passion of the imagination, don't you think?
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Yes.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11Then again, it's just a silly painting.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15- Well, you know what? I think I can finish up here on my own.- Really?
0:06:15 > 0:06:18I don't mind...helping out.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Look, Chris, I think we've had a little misunderstanding here.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24You're a very handsome man, and if I weren't married,
0:06:24 > 0:06:27who knows what could happen... in all aspects of my life.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31But I'm rambling now, but the point is I think you should leave.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33- Maybe- I- should leave.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Yes, yes, that's it. I'll leave.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40Well, thanks for the help, colleague.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45Oh, here are the keys to lock up. No, no, no. There you are.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46There are the keys.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50- Let me help you with your coat. - No, no, no, I can manage. No, it's fine. Know what?
0:06:50 > 0:06:54It's a mild evening, I don't really need my coat. Bye.
0:07:03 > 0:07:04Still got it.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08KNOCK ON DOOR
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Morning, Susan.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13- Hi, Katie.- Mind if I pop in?
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Well, I'm a bit busy at the moment...
0:07:15 > 0:07:17No, please, do take a seat.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19How are you?
0:07:19 > 0:07:20Concerned. You're smiling.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22At me. Why?
0:07:22 > 0:07:25No reason. No reason at all.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Oh, there was one tiny little thing.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29You've been charged with sexual harassment.
0:07:31 > 0:07:32What?! By who?
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- Chris.- Oh, but that's ridiculous!
0:07:35 > 0:07:36If anything, he harassed me.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Well, he says that you "plied him with alcohol".
0:07:39 > 0:07:42- I gave him a glass of wine.- You said he was a "very handsome man".
0:07:42 > 0:07:47- Yes, well, I did say that. - And you expressed a wish that you weren't married.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51I've done that so many times before it's lost all meaning.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53And anyway, he said things to me, too.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- Such as?- He said...
0:07:57 > 0:07:59"Yes." No, no, wait.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02He said... he said he didn't mind helping out.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04I'm not sure I can reprimand someone for that.
0:08:04 > 0:08:08No, but it was the way he said it. All icky.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12Susan, this is a very serious matter, but we don't want to make any rash decisions.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Such as believing Chris and dismissing everything I say?
0:08:15 > 0:08:19Until we're able to resolve the situation, I think it's better you avoided Chris.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Yes, of course.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27What the hell do you think you are playing at?
0:08:27 > 0:08:31- Ah, Susan.- I don't want to hear it. - I wasn't going to say anything else.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Well, good.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35How could you say all those things about me?
0:08:35 > 0:08:37My name is all I have,
0:08:37 > 0:08:40and it's already spoilt because it's got Harper at the end of it.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44Now everyone will think I'm some sort of...sex panther.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46- "Sex panther"?- Well, they might not think that exactly,
0:08:46 > 0:08:49but something in the randy cat area.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51So do you know what we're going to do?
0:08:51 > 0:08:55You and I are going to see Katie and tell her what really happened.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Oh, I'm not sure if I want to do that.
0:08:57 > 0:08:58Oh, you don't understand.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00We are going to do it.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03I don't care if the whole gallery has to hear it,
0:09:03 > 0:09:04I'm going to get what I want!
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Oh, Katie.
0:09:08 > 0:09:12This isn't what you meant by "stay away from Chris", is it?
0:09:12 > 0:09:14KNOCK ON DOOR
0:09:14 > 0:09:15Come in.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20- Mr Tilley?- Yes?- Hi.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22You probably don't recognise me.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25I've...matured a lot since I was here.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Michael Harper, isn't it?
0:09:29 > 0:09:30Yeah.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32I was wondering if I could talk to you.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36We're both adults now - we should be able to have a conversation on equal footing.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Of course, take a seat.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47- The thing is... - Doing well for yourself, I see.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51I assume you're out of work if you're able to make social calls during the day.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53- How do you know this isn't my lunch break?- Is it?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56No.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58But the thing is...
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Is that gum you're chewing?
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Erm...yeah.
0:10:06 > 0:10:07Out.
0:10:13 > 0:10:14Can I speak now?
0:10:14 > 0:10:16I don't know, Harper, can you?
0:10:18 > 0:10:19MAY I...
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Mr Tilley...
0:10:22 > 0:10:25..my nephew is a student of yours.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Ah, yes. Kenzo.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31And I'd hate to think he may be treated as unfairly as I was.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Unfairly?
0:10:34 > 0:10:38As I recall, Harper, you slipped laxatives into my tea,
0:10:38 > 0:10:43started the trend of calling me Silly Tilley, and exploded a stink bomb inside my Vauxhall Astra.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45I never called you Silly Tilley.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51And I may have caused occasional trouble, but I was still a good student.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54It's funny you should say that.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58When I saw I was teaching Kenzo, I thought I'd look back at your record.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02It seems you never handed in your second year art course work.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06- I didn't?- No.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Well, I'd best be off.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Walk, don't run.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Hi, Mum.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20How was work?
0:11:20 > 0:11:24I was accused of sexual harassment by that new guy, Chris.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Wow!
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Good for you, Mum!
0:11:28 > 0:11:31So where'd you do it? In the stationery cupboard? Fire escape? On the desk?
0:11:31 > 0:11:33None of those. I didn't do it.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Oh. So what did you do?
0:11:35 > 0:11:41All I did was offer him a glass of wine, flatter him, and talk passionately about art and...
0:11:41 > 0:11:43sexual intimacy.
0:11:43 > 0:11:48- It's not sounding good, Mum. - It isn't, is it? Oh, God. Well, maybe I did harass him.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Well, it's a proud move for feminism.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53I might have to explain feminism to you some time.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55So what happens now?
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Katie's making me attend a course on sexual harassment.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Well, another qualification always helps.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Janey, just to confirm, you do actually believe I'm innocent, don't you?
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Of course, Mum. I have total confidence in you.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Hey, what's going on?
0:12:12 > 0:12:13Mum jumped a guy at work.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31Hello.
0:12:33 > 0:12:34Gosh, what a relief!
0:12:34 > 0:12:37I thought I'd be the only woman here.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43This is silly, isn't it?
0:12:43 > 0:12:46A simple misunderstanding and we have to go through all this.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48It's political correctness gone mad.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52It's nice talking to you, too.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55Oh!
0:12:59 > 0:13:03You should watch yourself around Ange, she's a gooser.
0:13:03 > 0:13:04I'm Patrick.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Sorry, I'm not exactly here to meet people.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10This whole thing has been a terrible mistake and perverts like you sicken me. Excuse me.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14Right. I am actually the course director.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Oh, my goodness, I am sorry. I'm Susan Harper. Sorry.
0:13:17 > 0:13:22No, it's OK. There's nothing to be ashamed of here. This course is completely confidential.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25"Confidential" suggests there IS something to be ashamed of.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29Maybe you'd like to help me with an opening exercise. Hi, everyone, take a seat, please.
0:13:29 > 0:13:35Thank you. Now, to get us started, Susan here has volunteered to take part in an activity
0:13:35 > 0:13:39to show that improper communication is unacceptable in the workplace,
0:13:39 > 0:13:44be it abusive, sexual, or merely calling someone a sickening pervert.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Susan is going to read out some phrases,
0:13:47 > 0:13:51and the group will say whether they're appropriate or inappropriate.
0:13:51 > 0:13:52Mrs Harper?
0:13:52 > 0:13:55What happened to confidentiality?
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Just read the cards.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59"Hello, sexy."
0:13:59 > 0:14:01- ALL:- Hello.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Just say "appropriate" or "inappropriate", please.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06"Hello, sexy."
0:14:06 > 0:14:08- ALL:- Inappropriate.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11"I'm happy to help you."
0:14:11 > 0:14:12- ALL:- Appropriate.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Now, surely that's open to interpretation.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17It would be quite different if I said...
0:14:17 > 0:14:18- SULTRY:- "I'm happy to help you".
0:14:18 > 0:14:21- ALL:- Inappropriate.- See? See?
0:14:21 > 0:14:25And it would be perfectly harmless if I said, "You're an attractive man".
0:14:25 > 0:14:27- ALL:- Inappropriate.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30This exercise isn't actually about interpretation.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34- Well, then, it's a pretty stupid exercise, isn't it? - ALL:- Appropriate.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36- Oh, shut up, the lot of you! - ALL:- Inappropriate.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41Perhaps we should just take a small break. Susan, can I have a word, please?
0:14:41 > 0:14:42I'm sorry, Patrick.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45I know I'm not behaving well, but you have to understand.
0:14:45 > 0:14:50I would never associate myself with the kind of people that come to this sort of course.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52I just keep thinking what Ben would say.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Ben? Ben Harper?
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Why does that name sound familiar?
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Never mind.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Have you been avoiding me?
0:15:10 > 0:15:12What makes you think that?
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Did you speak to Mr Tilley?
0:15:14 > 0:15:18To be honest, I've been very busy, Kenzo.
0:15:18 > 0:15:19Yeah, right.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22He said that you went to see him and ran away like a little boy.
0:15:22 > 0:15:26That's rubbish. I ran away like a man!
0:15:26 > 0:15:29Look, there's no talking to Tilley.
0:15:29 > 0:15:34I think the best thing you can do is just take your C grade and forget about it.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Really?
0:15:36 > 0:15:40Yeah, cos otherwise it'll eat away at you day after day,
0:15:40 > 0:15:43gnawing at your insides until eventually,
0:15:43 > 0:15:46you'll just be so angry that you'll want to take a paintbrush,
0:15:46 > 0:15:50shove it down his throat and say, "How do you like that, Tilley? Is that art?!"
0:15:55 > 0:15:57I'm sure that won't happen to you.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Hey, how was the course?
0:16:03 > 0:16:04Terrible.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10The amount of Old Spice wafting through that room...
0:16:10 > 0:16:12has given me a migraine.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Well, at least it's all over.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18I wish. I've got another four sessions to go. I can't take any more.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22I hate to say it, but you'll have to grit your teeth until this whole mess goes away.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26- I suppose you're right. - ANSWERPHONE:- 'One new message'.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29'Hello, Susan, Katie here.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31'Just heard about your behaviour at the course today.
0:16:31 > 0:16:36'I'm afraid you're suspended until further notice. Speak soon, ciao'.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Right, that's it!
0:16:38 > 0:16:41I have to talk to Chris and convince him I did nothing wrong.
0:16:41 > 0:16:42Are you sure that'll work?
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Oh, I can be very persuasive.
0:16:45 > 0:16:50I know it shouldn't, but everything you say now sounds really dirty.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54Oh, hi.
0:16:56 > 0:16:57You all right?
0:16:57 > 0:17:00This thing with Kenzo's teacher is bothering me.
0:17:00 > 0:17:05- Oh, listen, Mike, I know you didn't sort it out, but I believe you're doing Kenzo a service.- How?
0:17:05 > 0:17:07It's good for kids to be disappointed once in a while.
0:17:07 > 0:17:14- Thanks.- I mean, it's a good life lesson to pin all your hopes on one person and have them let you down.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16OK, OK. I get your point.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18I have a point?
0:17:18 > 0:17:19DOORBELL RINGS
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Oh, that'll be Chris.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24- Chris?- Yeah, the gallery guy.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Mum's going to convince him to drop the charges.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30So Mum's invited the man she harassed around to...
0:17:30 > 0:17:33harass him into dropping the harassment charges?
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Yep.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37And what are you doing?
0:17:37 > 0:17:42Oh, I thought I'd hang around and listen in, in case things get frisky.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45What is wrong with the women in this family?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49- SUSAN:- Come in, Chris.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Nice to see you again.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Not "nice" nice, platonic nice.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56And when I say "see you", I don't mean ogle you.
0:17:56 > 0:17:57Right.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Take a seat.
0:17:59 > 0:18:00Thank you.
0:18:01 > 0:18:06Drink? A soft one. I'm not trying to ply you with anything. I'm being...
0:18:06 > 0:18:07appropriate.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- Nuts?- I'm fine, thank you.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16So...
0:18:18 > 0:18:20- ..how's work?- Well...
0:18:20 > 0:18:24Great, anyway, I was wondering if we might clear up our little misunderstanding.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Obviously, I apologise if anything I said to you
0:18:27 > 0:18:32could be misconstrued, although to be honest, I made the mistake of thinking you were flirting with me.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35- I was.- Right, I see. What?
0:18:35 > 0:18:39You're a passionate woman, Susan. I like that.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42And as for clearing the matter up, there is one very simple solution.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- There is?- Yes.
0:18:46 > 0:18:47Sleep with me.
0:18:49 > 0:18:54There's no allegations for me to make if it actually happened.
0:18:54 > 0:19:00Right. Um, slightly fuzzy logic there, but I think I get the point.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Would you excuse me a moment?
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Janey?
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Janey, did you hear that? Janey?!
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Hear what?
0:19:14 > 0:19:15You're supposed to be a witness.
0:19:15 > 0:19:20- Chris just said he would drop the charges if I slept with him.- Really?
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Nice one!
0:19:22 > 0:19:26Not "nice one". The man's a sleaze bucket.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30Well, you're in luck, because I am an expert in lechy men.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34In a situation like this, there are three options.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Bear in mind, I'm NOT going to sleep with him.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39OK, two options.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42First, tell Katie what happened and hope she believes you this time.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44That's unlikely.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47She still thinks I stole the stapler from work.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49- Did you?- Yes. No, I borrowed it.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52It's a stapler - who cares?
0:19:52 > 0:19:53OK, then option two is call his bluff.
0:19:53 > 0:19:58He can't be interested in you for anything more than a cheap and weird thrill.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02- Thanks for that(!)- If you make him think you want something serious, he'll change his mind.
0:20:02 > 0:20:07- The idea of a relationship with you will scare the life out of him. - Again, thank you.
0:20:07 > 0:20:12- Honestly, Mum, he'll be out of that door so fast, you won't see him for dust. In fact...- Shut up, Janey.
0:20:17 > 0:20:18- Hello.- Hello.
0:20:20 > 0:20:25I've been thinking about your offer in the kitchen, and, er...
0:20:25 > 0:20:27I've decided to say yes.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31- Great!- However, we have to be realistic about this.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34I'm not a "one night" kind of lady.
0:20:34 > 0:20:40If anything were to occur between us, I would need a proper, long-term commitment.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42OK.
0:20:42 > 0:20:47You do realise I want a proper, monogamous relationship, right?
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Yeah, that's totally reasonable.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Right, wonderful.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Of course, I'm married.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Me too.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04- So you'd be worried about leaving your wife?- Meh.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06I see.
0:21:07 > 0:21:12That would mean we'd both have to move out and find a place together, which is a major commitment.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14OK, let's do that.
0:21:14 > 0:21:15Seriously?
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Excellent.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23Why don't we start looking tomorrow, then? I really want to be serious about this.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Sounds good to me.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Brilliant.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Well...
0:21:30 > 0:21:35I look forward to us facing up to the crushing reality of a future together.
0:21:35 > 0:21:36Me too.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Fabulous.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Yes, Harper?
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Hi, me again.
0:21:48 > 0:21:49I just thought I'd come back.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53Making up for the numerous detentions you avoided?
0:21:53 > 0:21:56No, I've got something important to tell you.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00What, that you've finally managed to draw a rabbit that doesn't look like a frog?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02No, I just...
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Oh, come on, boy. Spit it out.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08Clarity was never your forte.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10It was, actually.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14For your information, I swept through my GCSEs and A-levels,
0:22:14 > 0:22:18got a first for my degree, and my tutor said my dissertation was one of the best he'd ever read.
0:22:18 > 0:22:24- But you're right, I suppose that doesn't compare to a badly-drawn rabbit.- And your point is?
0:22:24 > 0:22:29My point is, I'm sorry I gave you a hard time at school,
0:22:29 > 0:22:33but if you'd believed in me for one second, it never would have happened.
0:22:33 > 0:22:34But I'm fine now. I'm over it.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37The thing that bothers me is you let our history affect Kenzo,
0:22:37 > 0:22:41who deserves better than a petty, resentful C grade.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45Would you like to see one of Kenzo's paintings?
0:22:53 > 0:22:54You've been very generous.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02So? How was the flat-hunting?
0:23:02 > 0:23:07Well, you know, I was quite surprised at how much we could get for our money.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10Oh, and Chris isn't backing down and this is a hideous living hell.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14Just keep at it, Mum. Trust me, he has to be on the verge of cracking.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- Just keep calling his bluff. - I have no more bluffs to call.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23I mentioned the idea of a nursery, and he barely batted an eyelid.
0:23:23 > 0:23:28At this rate, I'll be leaving your father and moving into a bright, open-plan, second floor flat
0:23:28 > 0:23:30in up-and-coming Bromley-by-Bow.
0:23:30 > 0:23:31And your problem is?
0:23:33 > 0:23:34OK, OK, OK.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38We've got one more option, and this will make any man run for the hills.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Make him think you want to get married.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43- Wow.- Smart, huh?
0:23:43 > 0:23:45No, no, it's just suddenly dawned on me.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47I'm taking advice from YOU.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51Seriously, you. What on earth am I doing?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53I'm not hearing enthusiasm for the new plan.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Because it's deranged.
0:23:56 > 0:24:00Really? OK, then, tell me, how did Dad react when you first mentioned marriage to him?
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Oh, it's hard to tell.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05He disappeared for a fortnight.
0:24:17 > 0:24:18DOORBELL RINGS
0:24:22 > 0:24:23What am I doing?
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Hello, love of my life.
0:24:39 > 0:24:44It's a pleasure to see you, and this time I AM ogling you.
0:24:44 > 0:24:45Thanks.
0:24:45 > 0:24:49Oh, Chris, I know this has been a crazy, whirlwind affair.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Some might consider it entirely insane...
0:24:52 > 0:24:57but I can't help feeling we may be ready to take an even bigger step.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Well, it's funny you should say that.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03- It is?- Yes, because I've been doing some thinking,
0:25:03 > 0:25:06and I've got a very important question I'd like to ask you.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Oh, my God.
0:25:09 > 0:25:10Susan...
0:25:10 > 0:25:14is it OK if we don't go through with our plans?
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Oh, what?! Oh, no.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Including sleeping with each other?
0:25:20 > 0:25:21Yes.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24Oh, what a shame.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27What we had was so special.
0:25:28 > 0:25:33I suppose that means you'll be dropping those sexual harassment charges.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Of course I will.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Oh.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Well...
0:25:40 > 0:25:44it's going to take me a long time to get over this one, I can tell you.
0:25:45 > 0:25:49I suppose reality made our love far too impossible.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53- Oh, no, that's not why I want to end it.- Sorry?
0:25:53 > 0:25:56- I've met somebody else.- You what?
0:25:56 > 0:26:00I know. It was so unexpected, but I'm just, like, head over heels.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03She is the most amazing woman I have ever met.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Well, good for you.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09It's just funny. You said the exact same thing to me three days ago.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Yeah, but you've got to understand.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14This one - well, she's fun, and she's witty...
0:26:14 > 0:26:17You don't think I'm fun? You don't think I'm witty?
0:26:17 > 0:26:21- Susan...- We had a future. We made plans. We looked at apartments!
0:26:21 > 0:26:24I know, but we couldn't afford one.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26- You haven't even got a job. - That's your fault!
0:26:26 > 0:26:29- Well, technically. - Not technically - actually!
0:26:29 > 0:26:33My God. You know what? Of all the women I've accused of sexual harassment,
0:26:33 > 0:26:36- you are by far the most mental. - "All the women"? What?
0:26:36 > 0:26:38That's how I tend to meet people.
0:26:38 > 0:26:43- But that's insane! - Well, it worked on you. We even looked at apartments together.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Get out of here! Go on, get out.
0:26:45 > 0:26:50Go back to your wife, your girlfriend or whatever spaceship you came on. Go on, out!
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Fine, but before I leave, I want the ring back.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57- You didn't give me a ring. - Oh, sorry, that must have been somebody else!
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Yes, darling, I'm back at work now.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04Oh, the usual.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08A younger man wanted to marry me, have my children and move to Bromley-by-Bow.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13What's wrong with Bromley-by-Bow?
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Oh, got to go, Katie's here.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Bye, darling.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Thanks for coming back, Susan.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21You were right. Chris is insane.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Oh, he tried it on with you, too?
0:27:24 > 0:27:27He wanted to look at apartments. I told him I'm not an idiot.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30No, of course not.
0:27:30 > 0:27:35- So to avoid any further problems, I've decided his replacement should be a woman.- Oh, very wise, Katie.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38Meet your new assistant. Ange?
0:27:42 > 0:27:45You two will be working late tonight. Ciao, ciao.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Inappropriate.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:17 > 0:28:20Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk