0:00:02 > 0:00:06With Kenzo's parents' evening coming up, I might ask Dad or Michael to come.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09Janey, how many times have we been though this?
0:00:09 > 0:00:10It's fine to go on your own.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13There's nothing wrong with being a single mother.
0:00:13 > 0:00:14Oh, I know, I know,
0:00:14 > 0:00:18but it can't hurt to show that Kenzo's got a mature, positive male influence in his life.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20No, you hang up.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23No, you hang up.
0:00:24 > 0:00:25You first.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29OK, we'll both hang up on three.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31One,
0:00:31 > 0:00:32two,
0:00:32 > 0:00:33three.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36You didn't hang up!
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Roger, what happened?!
0:00:42 > 0:00:46Oh! I was just smelling the sweet aroma of a geranium in the park,
0:00:46 > 0:00:49when to my misfortune I stumbled across a bee
0:00:49 > 0:00:51that happened to be collecting pollen from it.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54I was already a bit disoriented.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57I had just had a rather delicious ice cream, you see,
0:00:57 > 0:00:59and as a result, I had a bit of brain-freeze.
0:00:59 > 0:01:05Anyway, after the bee startled me, I stumbled back into the "space"
0:01:05 > 0:01:08a street theatre group were rehearsing in.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12It must have been some sort of improvisational youth aggression piece
0:01:12 > 0:01:17because they proceeded to set about me.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22If that moron parks in front of my drive once more,
0:01:22 > 0:01:25I shall take his fake residents' parking permit
0:01:25 > 0:01:28and stick it in the empty space where his tax disc should be!
0:01:28 > 0:01:30No, you hang up!
0:01:30 > 0:01:33No, I hang up!
0:01:35 > 0:01:36Single mother it is then.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Don't forget we have plans for Friday night.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Oh, let's just skip it, Susan.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59- You don't even know what you'd be skipping.- What? Course I do.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Well?
0:02:02 > 0:02:04It's the...
0:02:04 > 0:02:07- thing.- You're unbelievable.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09We have an anniversary celebration.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Of course, I remember.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Eh, how could I forget the anniversary
0:02:14 > 0:02:17of the greatest day of my life?
0:02:17 > 0:02:18Not ours.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21No, not ours.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24It's George and Lillian's 60th wedding anniversary.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26How could you not remember? We go every year.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28I block things out, Susan.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30It's how I survive.
0:02:30 > 0:02:35I think the fact that they celebrate their love after so many years is incredibly romantic.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Can you imagine being married 60 years?
0:02:38 > 0:02:39God no!
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Listen, I'm not asking you to be a good father. It's too late for that.
0:02:44 > 0:02:49All I'm asking is that you try to be a good husband and be more involved in our life as a couple.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53Listen, I have given you everything over the last 30 years, Susan.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- Do you remember the Amalfi Coast trip?- We didn't go.- We... What?
0:02:56 > 0:02:58You moaned so much, I cancelled it.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02Really? I could have sworn we had a terrible time.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Look, just be ready on Friday night to go at 7:30.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08- I'm not going.- What?
0:03:08 > 0:03:11- I'm not going.- They're my godparents, for crying out loud.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Why can't you do this one little thing for me?
0:03:14 > 0:03:18- I always do little things for you. I just don't make a fuss when I do them.- Name one.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20If I could, I'd be making a fuss.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22So, you're never there when I need you.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- We always do things I hate. - You're selfish.- You're unreasonable!
0:03:25 > 0:03:30- What's got into you? Are you drunk? - It's nine in the morning! - Answer the question!
0:03:30 > 0:03:34- I mean, I don't know what's got into the woman.- Ow!
0:03:34 > 0:03:38I mean, you know, I've given her my life, I've given her three children.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40- Aah!- What am I left with?
0:03:40 > 0:03:44Probing around in the abyss of people's rancid gobs.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Aaah!
0:03:46 > 0:03:47It is just one evening.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Perhaps it'll be fun.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Are you taking her side?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54No, no, no! I'm on your side. Please don't get upset.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57PHONE RINGS
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- This will just take a minute. - Oh, thank God!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03- Hello, Susan.- Oh, no!
0:04:03 > 0:04:07There is no way I am apologising and I can't talk now, I'm with a patient.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11- Just let her prattle on.- 'What?!'
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Nothing. Go ahead. I'm listening.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15'I think one of us should apologise.'
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Mmm, I agree.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20'When I said one of us, I meant you.'
0:04:20 > 0:04:25Susan, there is no way I am going to apologise.
0:04:25 > 0:04:26Ow! That really hurts.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30- Sorry.- 'That's all I wanted to hear.' - Not you, Susan! Mr Harris.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32And I am not going to the party.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36'You're going if I have to drag your dead body.'
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Then I'll be out of my misery!
0:04:39 > 0:04:40Aaargh!
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Hello, Ben.
0:04:42 > 0:04:47- Argh!- Oh, hello, Mr Harris. Sorry to interrupt, I have big news.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48I've got a date this weekend.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- With a woman?- Yes!
0:04:51 > 0:04:57The long walk through the desert of loneliness is almost over.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59It's been a year since Abi left.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02And two years since I've been intimate with anybody.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Thank for sharing that image, Roger. Now, would you please go away.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11I want to get rid of Mr Harris so I can deal with my wife.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Perhaps your colleague could finish up?
0:05:13 > 0:05:16I mean, you are under an extreme amount of stress.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Yes, OK, good point, yeah.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22- Roger, do you mind?- Oh, not at all.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24I'm so excited.
0:05:24 > 0:05:30Her name is Fiona. She is wonderful.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31My heart is racing.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Oh, look at my hands! They're shaking!
0:05:33 > 0:05:37I've had enough! What's wrong with you people?!
0:05:37 > 0:05:41What's the matter with him? I'm just angry with my wife and he's just a bad dentist.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45Hey! Bring that... Bring the bib back!
0:05:48 > 0:05:52There's no point in dragging this out. Just admit you're wrong and we can both go to sleep.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56If I thought for one minute I was wrong, I would.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- What about our rule?- What rule?
0:06:00 > 0:06:02About never going to bed angry.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Yeah, whatever. Just go to sleep.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07- So we're going to bed angry? - Apparently so.
0:06:11 > 0:06:16- Normally, one of us at least fakes an apology so we can both go to sleep.- Here's a thought...
0:06:16 > 0:06:19What if we just don't bother?
0:06:19 > 0:06:23We've never crossed that line before, you know that. It doesn't feel right.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27Oh, don't start getting superstitious on me now. Just go to sleep.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29- Fine.- Fine.- Fine!- Fine!
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Thank God we're not superstitious.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47This is the Dream Slumber.
0:06:47 > 0:06:511,400 pocket springs to provide comfort and support.
0:06:51 > 0:06:52Oh!
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Just testing it for bounce-ability.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Why don't you give it the fart and snore test?
0:06:59 > 0:07:01I don't snore.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04I don't like this bed.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06What? What's wrong with this? This is brilliant.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Oh, now this one...
0:07:08 > 0:07:11- this one I like.- Oh, yeah.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15Well, of course you do, it's hard, it's unforgiving.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17No wonder you like it.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19- We'll take it.- No, we're not.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21I am not sleeping on this mattress.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Wow. I'll be comfortable, and you won't be there.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25That's a win-win situation.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28You're not having your own way. I'll be sleeping on 50% of this bed.
0:07:28 > 0:07:29Ha! That'll be the day.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32I've been sleeping on 20% of the mattress for years.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36- With 90% of the duvet. - We're buying this bed!
0:07:36 > 0:07:40- No, we're not!- Excuse me, could I offer an alternative?
0:07:40 > 0:07:43We have a bed called the Tender-Nite Twin.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46It has two separate mattresses, one firm, one soft,
0:07:46 > 0:07:49that can be zipped and linked together.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Oh, right, well, we'll have a look at that, shall we?
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Oh.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Yep, I like this.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Ooh, I like this.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04And they can be linked together as one bed.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Or we could just keep them apart.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10- Single beds, you mean?- Why not?
0:08:10 > 0:08:11- It would solve a lot of problems. - Yeah.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Just put a bed-side table in-between.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17- Fine. Who gets the drawer?- Me.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19- Why you? - All right, we'll have one each.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21- One either side.- Mmm-hmm.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23So what do we put in the middle?
0:08:23 > 0:08:26- How about a wall? - What are you suggesting?
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- One moves into Michael's room. - Separate bedrooms?
0:08:29 > 0:08:31- Separate bedrooms.- Fine.- Fine.- Fine.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Fine.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35And there are no payments until next year.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Why do I have to move into Michael's room?
0:08:41 > 0:08:43You're the man, the man moves out.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45But it's smaller. You're smaller, you'll fit into it.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48- You're being ridiculous. - No, you're being ridiculous!
0:08:48 > 0:08:52- What would it take to get you to shut up?- You shutting up first!
0:08:52 > 0:08:56- This bickering is driving me insane! - Well, that's the first thing we've agreed on in weeks.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58I can't stand this any more!
0:08:58 > 0:09:01You know what I need? I need not to see your stupid face for a while.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Good, suits me. Won't have to see your stupid face either.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Then perhaps a couple of days apart will do us both good.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- What are you saying? Separate houses? - We can't go on like this. We need a break.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- Three days?- Four days. - Make it a week.- Good idea.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17- Hi, Mum.- Hey, Dad. Mum. - What are you two doing here?
0:09:17 > 0:09:21Don't you remember? We said we'd come over Sundays, so we don't lose touch.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24And what's the reason you come over the other six days?
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- We love you.- And we get hungry.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30- Now's not a good time. - Why, what's going on?
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Your father and I are taking a break from each other.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35We've been doing nothing but bicker for the last few weeks.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38- So you're separating?- No, no, no, we're just taking a little break.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40- I'm pretty sure that's separating. - No, no, no.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43We're just not going to live together for a little while.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45- No, that's definitely separating. - Afraid so.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Is that what do you think?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Is that what...
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- we're doing?- Is that what you want?
0:09:52 > 0:09:53I don't know. It's what YOU want.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55I don't know, I don't care either.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Fine. Well, if that's what you want, then that's what we're doing.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01- Fine.- Fine.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05- So where are you going, Dad? - Why does everyone assume it's me that's moving out?
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Well, I'm not leaving, I've made a home here.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10And you... What? And I haven't?
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Come on, this place is full of memories for me.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Kids, how many times have we sat there in front of that fire
0:10:16 > 0:10:21on a cold winter's night with you on my knee, cuddled up and... Fine! I'll go!
0:10:23 > 0:10:25KNOCKING
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Be right there! Don't you go away!
0:10:28 > 0:10:30KNOCKING
0:10:30 > 0:10:32My God, she's as eager as I am!
0:10:32 > 0:10:34KNOCKING
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Hello, my darling!
0:10:40 > 0:10:45- Hello, dear.- Ben? Ben?
0:10:47 > 0:10:49What are you doing here?
0:10:49 > 0:10:53- I need a place to sleep.- I don't mean to be rude, but you can't stay.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55It's my big date tonight. It's all systems go.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Well, you carry on. You won't even notice me.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00It's been two years, Ben.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03Please, just let me have tonight.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Just go, just go!
0:11:05 > 0:11:09Oh, right. Well, I've been cast out of my own home
0:11:09 > 0:11:12and the long and winding road of despair naturally led me
0:11:12 > 0:11:14to my best mate, Roger.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Best mate.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Good old Roger.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Am I really your best mate?
0:11:23 > 0:11:25That's what I thought.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29All right.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33- You can stay.- Got any crisps? KNOCKING
0:11:33 > 0:11:35- That's Fiona!- Good, carry on.
0:11:35 > 0:11:36You won't even notice me.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Here's to the most beautiful woman,
0:11:53 > 0:11:56whose eyes sparkle...
0:11:56 > 0:12:00whose smile gives me goose bumps,
0:12:00 > 0:12:04- whose hair...- Yes! No! Hit the post, two yards out!
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Oh, you two are missing a great game here.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Ben, please. We're trying to have a nice quiet dinner.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Sorry, yep, not even here.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Now then, where were we?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Maybe I should go.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25But it's our big night.
0:12:25 > 0:12:29- Oh, it's OK, we can do it another evening.- Oh!
0:12:29 > 0:12:32You should be with your friend right now.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35He needs your support.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38I do hope things work out with you and your wife, Ben.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Thanks, thanks, Fiona.
0:12:40 > 0:12:45Rog, can't believe that bloke didn't score. It was wide open for him.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Bye, girls, thanks for coming.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- Hello, darling!- Hi, Mum.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57- Come join the party.- OK.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59I thought you might need a shoulder to cry on,
0:12:59 > 0:13:01but you seem to be doing fine.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04I certainly am.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Everyone, this is my daughter, Janey.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09- ALL: Hi, Janey.- Hi.
0:13:09 > 0:13:14Janey, these are some of my closest friends who you've never met because they didn't like your father.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16- Nice to meet you all. - Come and have a drink.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19OK. Mum...
0:13:19 > 0:13:24- it's so weird to have smiling people in the house.- Tell me about it.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26And this is just the overflow.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28You can't move in the kitchen.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30I wonder what Dad's up to.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34Who cares? He's probably ruining someone else's life.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36- Cheers, darling!- Cheers, Mum!
0:13:36 > 0:13:38TOILET FLUSHING
0:13:41 > 0:13:43That's the last of the dead fish.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47What would make you unplug an aquarium?
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Oh, Roger, I had to charge my phone somehow.
0:13:52 > 0:13:53Goodnight, Ben.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03GLASS CLATTERING
0:14:06 > 0:14:09- Oh, hello.- Hello.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Been thinking about anything?
0:14:12 > 0:14:16Like an apology? Nope, haven't. Have you?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Nope. Can't say I have.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20- Fine.- Fine.- Good.- Fine...
0:14:20 > 0:14:21I mean good.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26You know, now that we've separated,
0:14:26 > 0:14:29I think you should knock before you come into the house.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Now that we're separated, I don't have to care what do you think.
0:14:35 > 0:14:36What are you doing here?
0:14:36 > 0:14:39I might ask you the same question. It's my night, remember?
0:14:39 > 0:14:42That's what we agreed, we share the house 50-50.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45I thought you might do the gentlemanly thing and let me stay.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49Isn't that funny, all these years together and you don't even know me yet.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Yes, I do.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- I've packed a bag.- Oh, good.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55Drowning your sorrows, I see.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58I had a little party last night to celebrate my freedom.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Mmm-hmm, don't tell me,
0:15:00 > 0:15:06bunch of bitter women whingeing on about who has the worst husband.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Is this a limbo set?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11- I won, by the way.- Yeah?
0:15:11 > 0:15:15Well, Roger and I had a bit of a party last night.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Yes, I heard you killed his fish.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20God, that guy has to Tweet everything.
0:15:20 > 0:15:21Right, I'm off.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25Would it be too presumptuous to ask what I'm having for my tea?
0:15:25 > 0:15:29- There's a bottle of bleach under the sink. Knock yourself out.- Thank you.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36- DOOR SLAMS - Ben?!
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Up here.
0:15:38 > 0:15:39RUNNING FOOTSTEPS
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Thanks, Roger, thanks for coming.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- Your call sounded urgent.- Yeah,
0:15:50 > 0:15:54I'm in a bit of a situation here, Rog, that I can't handle on my own.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58- It's a bit too much for one man. - Well, you can always count on me.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Can I, Roger? Can I really?
0:16:00 > 0:16:02- Absolutely.- Thank you, thank you.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04- OK, grab an end.- What?
0:16:04 > 0:16:08The mattress, we've got to take it downstairs, we're getting a new one delivered.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10But, I thought you wanted to talk?
0:16:10 > 0:16:14Talk? Talk?! Why would I want to talk to you?
0:16:15 > 0:16:18I've left someone in the middle of a root canal for this!
0:16:18 > 0:16:21- Stop whining. - But, he's under anaesthetic.
0:16:21 > 0:16:22Well, we'd better hurry then!
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Now, move, move, come on.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28No, no, no, no, no, this won't work, won't work, I'm going backwards.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29OK, you carry on, OK.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33- To me.- Left!
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- Oh, right.- Left! Yep, yeah, go on.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Slow down, Ben! Slow down!
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Take the weight.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43- To me.- Come on, Rog, come on!
0:16:43 > 0:16:46- OK! OK, I've got it. To you, to you a bit. Yep.- Good boy, good boy.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48- To me.- Yep, move it, move it right.
0:16:48 > 0:16:53- Oh, Ben...- What?- We're just like the Chuckle Brothers!- The who?
0:16:53 > 0:16:54The Chuckle Brothers, they're on CBBC.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Oh, get a life, Roger, get a life.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58- Move it right, move it right. - Your right or my right?
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Just move it to your right.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04- Well, that's my left! - Pull it, Roger, just pull it!
0:17:04 > 0:17:07- I don't think you've got it at all, Ben!- Come on, Rog, pull. Pull. Pull.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10PHONE RINGS Hang on, why's someone ringing...
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Hello?
0:17:16 > 0:17:17Hello?
0:17:17 > 0:17:19No, but we've waited two...
0:17:19 > 0:17:24Oh, not another two weeks for the mattress, please! Right, OK, fine.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26All right, Roger...
0:17:26 > 0:17:28back up.
0:17:28 > 0:17:33Help...me...Ben.
0:17:33 > 0:17:37I really appreciate you letting me stay the night.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- It's no problem.- Feel free to stay as long as you like.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Of course, it's...just for tonight though, right?
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Yes, Michael. Don't worry.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49I've sheltered you in my womb for nine months,
0:17:49 > 0:17:53gave you a home for 20 years, but I don't want you to put yourself out.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57Is there something I can find for you?
0:17:57 > 0:18:01What happened to the daisy-patterned plates I got you?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Oh, those were for everyday?
0:18:04 > 0:18:07We were saving them for a special occasion.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Oh, here they are, right at the back.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15You know, you should make this table the focal point of the room.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Otherwise, your eye goes directly to that throw,
0:18:18 > 0:18:22which I think would make a much better table cloth.
0:18:22 > 0:18:28- Susan...- Not now, Scott. When she's in this mood you might lose an arm.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29You two are young,
0:18:29 > 0:18:34you have to think outside the box when you're decorating.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Mum, you don't have to do this.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38It's my pleasure.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41You see, even this chair is in the wrong place.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47You see, the energy has to come through the door
0:18:47 > 0:18:51and disperse evenly throughout the space.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53You two should let me come over and Feng Shui this place.
0:18:53 > 0:19:00Trust me, if there's one thing in this room that shouldn't be here, it throws everything off.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02You don't say.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05For example,
0:19:05 > 0:19:07where do you think you should stick this yucca?
0:19:07 > 0:19:10(Michael, no.)
0:19:25 > 0:19:27- Ben?- Umm.
0:19:32 > 0:19:33Ben.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36OK, boys, let's have one for the road, eh?
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Whoa! Oh, hi, Susan.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45- Had a little party last night? - Um, ha!
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Yeah, we had a little, um, well, I wouldn't call it little.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51It certainly wasn't a Chinese takeaway.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Well, clean up your mess. It's my turn to stay here.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58- Yeah.- And if you call, don't expect me to be around.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- It's the anniversary party tonight. - Well, have fun.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03I assume you're still not going?
0:20:03 > 0:20:06- Are you kidding? I'll still have a hangover.- Fine.
0:20:06 > 0:20:11Whoa, yeah, baby, what a night.
0:20:13 > 0:20:14Little tip, Ben.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18Next time you throw a pretend party, use someone else's underwear.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20These are mine.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24Oh, and that's my lipstick on your collar.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32I want you now.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35I think there's something I need to admit to you. Um...
0:20:35 > 0:20:40It's been a long time since I've been intimate with anyone and, er,
0:20:40 > 0:20:43I'm a little bit worried about tonight.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47Oh, relax, Roger, it's just like riding a bike.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49I can't ride a bike.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53- Then it's just like swimming.- No.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55What can you do?
0:20:55 > 0:20:57I can do a passable Frank Spencer.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01- Who?- Michael Crawford? - AS FRANK SPENCER:- Hee-hee-ooh-ooh!
0:21:02 > 0:21:05- Could you not? - All right, but it's your loss.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11KNOCKING
0:21:12 > 0:21:14KNOCKING CONTINUES
0:21:20 > 0:21:21No!
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Roger, come on. I've nowhere else to go.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25What about Michael or Janey's?
0:21:25 > 0:21:29- They haven't got cable.- Tonight's the night, it's me and Fiona.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32Oh, right, good, well... Hi, Fiona.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35- Sorry, hope I'm not interrupting. - Oh, not at all, Ben.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38- It's nice to see you.- Yes, yes, Ben.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40It's a lovely surprise.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Very nasty weather out there.
0:21:46 > 0:21:50- Yes. It is, isn't it? Yes, yes.- Yes.
0:21:50 > 0:21:56Yes. Look, I don't want this to be awkward, but Fiona and I are going to excuse ourselves.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59- Oh, really?- Yes.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Ah, OK, yes, for... Pretend I'm not here.
0:22:11 > 0:22:12Oh...
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Roger, there's nothing in the fridge.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Roger?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Is there anything? I'm starving.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Ooh, Betty, I'm having a bit of trouble.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31I've just lost my appetite.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34- Dad?- Janey.- Dad... - What are you two doing here?
0:22:34 > 0:22:37- Dad, we need to talk. It's important.- It's about you and Mum.
0:22:37 > 0:22:43Oh, I know kids, I know, I know it's difficult for you that Mum and I have separated, but you know, hey...
0:22:43 > 0:22:45It's not your fault, all right?
0:22:45 > 0:22:50Well, it's partly your fault because were quite happy before you came along.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Look, Dad, you can't just throw it away, OK?
0:22:52 > 0:22:55You and Mum, you're meant to be together.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Your love's too strong, your bond's too deep.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00- Also, we can't have her over all the time.- It's a living nightmare.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Yeah, I'm sure, but I...
0:23:02 > 0:23:07I'm thinking of giving up my part of the house, letting your mother have the house full-time.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09- Really?- Yeah.- Wow.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13Then that stuff we just said about you and mum? Forget it.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15- Que sera sera.- Yeah.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Hang on, I'm going to have to spend a few weeks with each of you in turn.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20But you and mum are soul mates.
0:23:20 > 0:23:27- You two belong together.- I mean, mum may seem really, really, really happy now, but deep down she isn't.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31- She's lost without you.- She's at that anniversary party right now.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34You need to get down there and fight for your marriage.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35Michael, really, I do have my pride, OK?
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Until your mother apologises to me in person, there's no way on
0:23:38 > 0:23:42this earth that I will be even in the same room as that woman.
0:23:42 > 0:23:47# The power of the music of the night... #
0:23:47 > 0:23:48Oh, Frank!
0:23:48 > 0:23:51I'm doing this for you kids, OK? Come on.
0:24:07 > 0:24:11It would work a lot better if you brought a shovel and a bag.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13I'm just a bit peckish.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16That's what 30 years of your cooking does to a man.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17Hello, Ben.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20- Hello, Susan. - What are you doing here?
0:24:20 > 0:24:23- Free world, I can do whatever I want. - Typical.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25When I wanted you to come, you wouldn't.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Now, I don't want you here, you're here. I think you should leave.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Excuse me, you're not my boss anymore. I'm single, OK.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34And word gets around, the stallion's out of the paddock.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Look at your friend over there, checking me out.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Samantha's got a detached retina, Ben.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41She thinks you're the chocolate fountain.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Hello, George.
0:24:47 > 0:24:48Ben!
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Susan said you weren't coming.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53We were afraid we'd ordered too much shrimp.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Oh, no, fine, it's fine.
0:24:55 > 0:24:5760 years, eh, George?
0:24:57 > 0:24:59That's quite an accomplishment.
0:24:59 > 0:25:00Oh, thank you, thank you.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03I cherish every morning I wake up with Lillian.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05I'm sure. At your age, George,
0:25:05 > 0:25:09I imagine you cherish every morning you wake up.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Um... But 60 years.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15I mean, you know, that's quite an achievement. How do you do it?
0:25:15 > 0:25:16Well, it's easy.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18We're friends, we're companions.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21- We share a wide range of activities together.- Oh, yeah.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25Eh, eh, George, activities, eh, eh?
0:25:25 > 0:25:28If that kitchen table could only talk.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33Go on.
0:25:33 > 0:25:37Well, the other week Lillian made a cracking plum chutney.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Is that code for something?
0:25:44 > 0:25:45Oh, yes.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Canasta, Bridge and cribbage.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Yes, but on your honeymoon night?
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Well, you have to remember it was 1950,
0:25:54 > 0:25:58and Canasta was considered quite exotic.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Lillian, let me ask you something.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04How do you patch things up after a blazing row?
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Oh, but we never argue.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09- Not once?- Not really.
0:26:09 > 0:26:13We always find there's nothing that can't be solved
0:26:13 > 0:26:17with a nice cup of tea and a fresh Jaffa Cake.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24George, surely you must argue?
0:26:24 > 0:26:26No, no, not really.
0:26:26 > 0:26:31Oh, there was that one time when Lillian wanted me to take the M4
0:26:31 > 0:26:34and I wanted to stay on the A40.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37That was a hell of a hullabaloo, I can tell you.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44He's always been very generous in the bedroom.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Yes, I have to admit, Ben's like that.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50He brings me up a cup of cocoa every night.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Oh, no, Ben's not like that.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57Excuse me, I think George wants to dance.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Yeah, that's lovely, lovely.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07Lovely. Heart warming sight, eh?
0:27:07 > 0:27:12- Yes, sweet. Young love.- Yes, what a testament to cod liver oil.- Yes.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15- They seem so happy.- Mmm, I know.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18- And so boring. - I know, did you get that too?
0:27:18 > 0:27:20I know we have our problems.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24You make me angry, you frustrate me, you beat me down at times. But you're never, never boring.
0:27:24 > 0:27:29I know, I know. You infuriate me, you rub me up the wrong way, but you know my darling, life is never dull.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32- God, I've missed you these past few days.- I've missed you too.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34We have something they don't have.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37- Functioning bladders. - Yes. No, passion!- Passion, passion.
0:27:37 > 0:27:42We have to recognise that we are what we are and I love you in spite of all your faults.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Your many...many...many...
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Yes, thank you, all right, OK, OK.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50- Let's go home.- Let's go home. I just want you to know now,
0:27:50 > 0:27:52it's just you and me, Susan.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55And I will never ever leave your side.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Ooh, chocolate cake!
0:28:01 > 0:28:04- How do you feel?- Oh, fantastic.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07- You?- Ah, what?
0:28:07 > 0:28:09Well, that's the best ever.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15These pocket springs are so supportive.
0:28:16 > 0:28:20I can't believe there are no payments until next year.
0:28:20 > 0:28:21I know, it's brilliant!
0:28:25 > 0:28:27- Hate you.- Hate you too.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:48 > 0:28:51E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk