0:00:02 > 0:00:05- Tickets?- Check.- Passport?- Passport, check. And vaccinations, yep.
0:00:05 > 0:00:09- I wish I was going on two weeks' holiday.- Susan, please, I've already told...
0:00:09 > 0:00:14This is not a holiday. This is a dental outreach program in the upper regions of the Colombian rainforest.
0:00:14 > 0:00:18Some of these people have never even heard of dental hygiene.
0:00:18 > 0:00:23I must admit, I'm proud of you volunteering. It's so generous, so thoughtful.
0:00:23 > 0:00:24So unlike you.
0:00:24 > 0:00:30Susan, where I'm going is, I hear,
0:00:30 > 0:00:32pretty dangerous.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35So I've written you a letter. OK?
0:00:35 > 0:00:38But I want you to promise me you will not open this letter
0:00:38 > 0:00:40unless something happens to me.
0:00:40 > 0:00:41I promise.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44No, I'm serious, Susan. I want you to really promise.
0:00:44 > 0:00:45I promise, OK?
0:00:52 > 0:00:54- You promise?- I Promise!
0:00:58 > 0:01:02OK. Bye. Come on, come on, come on!
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Promise?
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Promise! Love you. Bye!
0:01:21 > 0:01:22"My darling, Susan.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25"If you're reading this letter the worst has happened,
0:01:25 > 0:01:28"and there are a few things that you should probably know.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31"I've not been the perfect husband.
0:01:31 > 0:01:32"I've had numerous affairs.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34"Well, so many I've lost count...."
0:01:34 > 0:01:35SHE GASPS
0:01:35 > 0:01:40"I wouldn't be surprised if there aren't a number of children out there that I've fathered.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43"Also, I've skimmed from our bank account for years
0:01:43 > 0:01:47"and I'm sure you'll find out I've double-mortgaged the house
0:01:47 > 0:01:50"to finance my...secret lifestyle."
0:01:51 > 0:01:54"Please, forgive me, I'm so desperately sorry.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57"My love, Ben."
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Now promise you won't open this one.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22MUSIC: "Ode To Joy" by Beethoven.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55- Anything I can do for you, Janey? - Beethoven's 12th?
0:02:55 > 0:02:58He only did nine. You're so cute when you pretend to know things.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02So, Mum, I need you to sign up to Facebook.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06- No.- But it's great! You can get in touch with people you've lost contact with.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09You mean the people I meant to lose contact with?
0:03:09 > 0:03:13- But there's also the people you lost touch with because of Dad. - There's no getting them back.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Come on, Mum. It's a lot of fun.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18Janey, those sites are for sad, pathetic losers,
0:03:18 > 0:03:23- who feel the number of friends are more important than the quality. - Yeah, I'm stuck on 999,
0:03:23 > 0:03:27- so I need you to "friend" me. - Isn't it enough that we're friends in real life?
0:03:27 > 0:03:31Please, Mum, come on. You don't even have to do anything, I'll set it all up for you.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Janey, as much as it makes me feel special
0:03:33 > 0:03:36that you've asked 999 people before me,
0:03:36 > 0:03:38the answer is still no.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Mum, every one of those friends means the world to me.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Hello, Facebook friend!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Almost every one.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48So, did you hit number 1,000 yet?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50No. Mum said no.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Oh, come on, Susan.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Don't you want to keep up with what I'm up to?
0:03:54 > 0:03:55What are you up to?
0:03:55 > 0:03:59Nothing much. So...
0:04:01 > 0:04:02how are you coping without Ben?
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Fine, thank you. You?
0:04:05 > 0:04:08I have good days and bad days,
0:04:08 > 0:04:10but we all have to stay strong.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16Listen, Ben asked me to pop round and check that everything's OK.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18- Did he really?- No.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22But if you do need anything, I'm here for you.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Think of me as a substitute Ben.
0:04:24 > 0:04:29- Do you know how to fix the plumbing? - No.- Can you put up shelves?- No.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33- What do you know about car engines? - Absolutely nothing.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35You'll make a perfect Ben.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40No way! You're kidding!
0:04:40 > 0:04:43He did?
0:04:43 > 0:04:45You're kidding! He did?
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Hey, Mum.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48No way!
0:04:48 > 0:04:51You're kidding! He did?
0:04:51 > 0:04:53I think we've established that he did.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56No way, you're kidding! He did?!
0:04:56 > 0:04:59- Janey!- Mum, I'm on the phone.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Yeah, OK, yeah. All right, I've got to go too.
0:05:01 > 0:05:02See you later. Bye.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06So, enjoying the peace and quiet?
0:05:06 > 0:05:08I'll tell you when I get some.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10- DOOR SLAMS - And that's going to help(!)
0:05:10 > 0:05:11Well, thanks a lot, Mum.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14- What have I done now?- Why aren't you friends with me on Facebook?
0:05:14 > 0:05:18- Because I'm not on it.- Yes, you are, and you're friends with Janey.
0:05:18 > 0:05:19Janey!
0:05:21 > 0:05:24I specifically asked you not to sign me up for that
0:05:24 > 0:05:26and yet you went behind my back and...
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Ooh, that's a nice photo of me.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32You see? You see? Now you can tell the whole world about yourself.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34They can see what you do for a living,
0:05:34 > 0:05:37your marital status, your age...
0:05:37 > 0:05:38Oh, at last(!)
0:05:40 > 0:05:44Hang on, under my "Marital status" you've put, "It's complicated".
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Isn't it?
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Yeah, fair point.
0:05:49 > 0:05:53Oh, look, you've already got a message, from a...Paul Tremayne?
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- Paul Tremayne's written to me! - Ooh, he looks nice.
0:05:56 > 0:05:57- Who is he, Mum?- No-one.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02- Then why are you still smiling? - Am I?
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Paul and I had a relationship years and years ago.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Right around the time I met your father.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10You mean you had other options?
0:06:12 > 0:06:16All this time, I thought you married Dad cos you were desperate.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18We could've had Paul as our father?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- Michael, you don't even know him. - It doesn't matter.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24- Mum, we're not saying you could've done better.- I am.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Paul and I weren't meant to be, Michael.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30We had our fun, but we were moving in different directions,
0:06:30 > 0:06:33so ultimately we went our separate ways.
0:06:33 > 0:06:34Ah, you mean he dumped you.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Pretty much.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40- He was the only person who ever did. - Really!
0:06:40 > 0:06:42SYMPATHETICALLY: Really?
0:06:42 > 0:06:46- He never said why.- Well, it could've been any number of reasons.
0:06:46 > 0:06:47Thank you, Michael(!)
0:06:47 > 0:06:50So, read his message.
0:06:50 > 0:06:55- Excuse me, you know, this is private?- Sorry.- Thank you.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- Ooh, he wants to meet up with you! - Yes! It might not be too late.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- Do it, Mum! - I'm not going to meet up with him.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Why not? He's only suggesting coffee, not sleeping together.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07He might be. Scroll down a bit.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11I am married to your father.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Paul Tremayne missed his chance years ago.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16As far as I'm concerned, he's a loser.
0:07:16 > 0:07:22Oh! His bio says he won a gold medal for fencing at the Commonwealth Games.
0:07:22 > 0:07:27He researched climate change for three years in Antarctica.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30He also set up an African charity that's raised over £6 million.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Your father came first in the parents' day egg and spoon race.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38He cheated.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Fine.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43I should've married the other guy.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03PHONE RINGS
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Hello? Oh, yes, Operator, I'll accept the call.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Hello, darling. How are you?
0:08:12 > 0:08:13How's the jungle?
0:08:13 > 0:08:16What? You've been bitten!
0:08:16 > 0:08:17Oh, my God. By what?
0:08:17 > 0:08:19A spider, a snake?
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Oh, a patient.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24No, well, it's all been very quiet here.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Oh, Paul Tremayne got in touch, he wants to meet up with me.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31What do you mean, you don't care?
0:08:31 > 0:08:32You should care.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35He used to find me rather attractive.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36Would you stop laughing!
0:08:36 > 0:08:41I don't think you'd find it quite so funny if I decided to go out with him
0:08:41 > 0:08:43and we made wild, passionate love
0:08:43 > 0:08:45until we both reach a hot, sweaty crescendo!
0:08:46 > 0:08:51Hello? Oh, sorry, Operator, I didn't realise you'd lost his connection.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54What do you mean "keep going"?
0:08:59 > 0:09:02Ooh, that looks nice!
0:09:02 > 0:09:03Mum, it's gorgeous.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07It's an egg-white omelette with shallots and oyster mushrooms,
0:09:07 > 0:09:09- seasoned with herbes provencales. - Can you make me one?
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Of course I can!
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Roger, what are you doing here?
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Making omelettes, and yours is coming right up.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20You shouldn't have done all this.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Oh, I'm only doing what Ben would do.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25I slept outside in the car last night, to keep an eye on the place.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29If that omelette wasn't so fantastic I would find that slightly creepy.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33Well, so, that is breakfast done.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35So, what would Ben do next?
0:09:35 > 0:09:38He'd be doing my laundry and giving me money to go shopping.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40I'll just get my wallet.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Roger, stop. She's not being serious.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45He'd be unblocking the sink and bleeding the radiators.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Right you are.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50- HE SIGHS - Look at us.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54One big happy family.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56I'm so lucky.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Really, Mum, when I said you could do better than Dad...
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Drop it, Michael!
0:10:01 > 0:10:02Right, I'd better get to work.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07I've already got Ben's tool box.
0:10:07 > 0:10:08Strange...
0:10:08 > 0:10:11There's only a bottle of whisky in here.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13That explains the shelves in the garage.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17So, Mum, did you hear anything more from that guy Paul?
0:10:17 > 0:10:19We exchanged a few messages.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23- Oh, really?- So you've changed your mind about seeing him?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25There's no harm in catching up for a chat.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Is "chatting" all you're going to do?
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Stop making such a big deal out of this.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33You're going stock car racing with the cast of Les Mis?
0:10:33 > 0:10:36I said, would you stop making such a big deal out of this!
0:10:36 > 0:10:38It's all perfectly innocent.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Paul and I used to date, but that was years ago.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42Before he dumped you.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Yes, yes, yes, before he dumped me!
0:10:44 > 0:10:47But tonight is just about two old friends catching up...
0:10:47 > 0:10:51and explaining why one of the friends thought the other was inadequate.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Sounds like a fun evening(!)
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Maybe he's had a change of heart.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Maybe he wants a second chance at romance.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03- Janey, that's not going to happen. - But it could, Mum. It could!
0:11:03 > 0:11:05All you have to do is put a bit of cheese on the trap,
0:11:05 > 0:11:07the mouse will come and then snap!
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Suddenly he's disoriented, his back's broken and he has nowhere to go.
0:11:14 > 0:11:15This is why I date men.
0:11:24 > 0:11:25I'd like to propose a toast.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Here's to seeing you again.
0:11:27 > 0:11:28And you.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Do you remember how we used to go to the cinema?
0:11:31 > 0:11:34We used to pick films that we didn't want to see.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Because we knew we wouldn't be watching the films!
0:11:38 > 0:11:41I'm so happy to see you again, Susan.
0:11:41 > 0:11:42It's been a long time,
0:11:42 > 0:11:45you've really blossomed into a beautiful woman
0:11:45 > 0:11:46Oh.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49So you didn't think I was beautiful then?
0:11:49 > 0:11:50Of course I did, I was mad about you.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53- I'm just saying you've matured wonderfully.- Thank you.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55So you thought I was immature?
0:11:57 > 0:11:58No, not at all.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01No, no, you were just different back then.
0:12:01 > 0:12:02So you thought I was a freak?
0:12:02 > 0:12:06No! Look, is something the matter?
0:12:06 > 0:12:10It's just something that's bothered me all these years.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Why did you break up with me?
0:12:12 > 0:12:16Oh, come on, Susie. I can't even remember it was so long ago.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Besides, none of that matters now.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21You've found happiness with someone else.
0:12:21 > 0:12:22Who?
0:12:23 > 0:12:24Your husband?
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Oh, yeah, him, yeah.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31So, what about you? Did you ever get married?
0:12:31 > 0:12:35No, I'm afraid not. Never found the right girl, I suppose.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Well, I did,
0:12:37 > 0:12:39but I was too stupid to realise it.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40What happened?
0:12:40 > 0:12:42I'm talking about you, Susan.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47Oh, I'm very flattered, but...
0:12:47 > 0:12:49nothing is going to happen. Sorry.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51So am I.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56- Well, I'd better get going, I suppose.- So soon?
0:12:56 > 0:12:57I haven't upset you, have I?
0:12:57 > 0:12:59No, it's not that, honest.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02I've got to drop something off at a friend's in Chiswick.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05Well, I live in Chiswick, so I'll do you a deal.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09You stay for coffee and I'll happily drop it off for you.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11All right, you've got a deal.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Do you know, I've got to say, Susan,
0:13:13 > 0:13:15you've been really great company tonight.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17So I wasn't great company back then?
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Sorry, sorry, sorry.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28'Yes?'
0:13:28 > 0:13:32Hello. I have a package for you from Paul.
0:13:36 > 0:13:37Where is Paul?
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Oh, he couldn't make it, so he asked me to give it to you.
0:13:40 > 0:13:41Well, thank you, um...
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Susan. I'm a friend of Paul's. Just a friend.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46We had a perfectly innocent dinner.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50Just two old friends catching up, reminiscing, all perfectly innocent.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Nothing happened, you understand,
0:13:52 > 0:13:54because as I say, it was all perfectly innocent.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58Well, I'm thrilled for you, Susan. Can I have the package?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Oh, yes, here.
0:14:03 > 0:14:04You're under arrest!
0:14:04 > 0:14:06But it was all perfectly innocent!
0:14:08 > 0:14:13Mrs Harper, you know why you're here, right?
0:14:13 > 0:14:15No. Maybe you should tell me.
0:14:15 > 0:14:20- You delivered half a kilo of cocaine to an undercover officer. - Yeah, right(!)
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- So you're admitting it? - Of course not!
0:14:23 > 0:14:27All I did was deliver a random package from someone I hardly know
0:14:27 > 0:14:29to someone I've never met, in the middle of the night.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31I need a lawyer.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Your friend Paul is a major drug dealer.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36We've been setting up this sting for months.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38But that can't be possible!
0:14:38 > 0:14:41He won a gold medal in fencing.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43The only fencing he's done involves stolen goods.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46What about the three years he spent in Antarctica?
0:14:46 > 0:14:50- He served three years in Wormwood Scrubs.- And the African charity?
0:14:50 > 0:14:53- Well, that's true. - So he can't be all bad.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56He uses the charity to launder drug money.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59I can't believe someone lied about themselves on the internet.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Look, look, I had no idea what Paul was asking me to do.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08Mrs Harper, you willingly transported drugs for a known felon.
0:15:08 > 0:15:13But I didn't know he was known. If I'd known he was known I'd have known better, you know?
0:15:13 > 0:15:16And as for drugs, I hate them.
0:15:16 > 0:15:17Ask my husband.
0:15:17 > 0:15:18Where is your husband?
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Colombia.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Oh, God, I really need a lawyer!
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Mrs Harper, we know that you and Paul Tremayne
0:15:27 > 0:15:29have had a relationship.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31How do you know that?
0:15:31 > 0:15:33The police have intricate and thorough ways
0:15:33 > 0:15:35of sourcing information.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37You've been on Facebook.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Yeah, that's one of the ways.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Look, you've ruined two months of police work.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45We either need information or an arrest.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Please, give me a chance to help you and I'll do everything I can
0:15:48 > 0:15:51to make sure Paul gets locked up for a very long time.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55- That'll teach him for dumping me! - What?
0:15:55 > 0:15:59I mean, dealing in all those drugs.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Mikey, Mikey, Mikey!
0:16:07 > 0:16:09No, no, no.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13I know a new father figure takes some getting used to,
0:16:13 > 0:16:16- but I'm only here to look after your mother.- Where is she?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18I don't know.
0:16:19 > 0:16:20Are you wearing Dad's pyjamas?
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Well, it's what he'd be doing.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Not after you've been wearing them.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27I'm glad you're both here.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31I wanted to have a chat with you about the birds and the bees.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33No, thanks.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35OK, but if you don't want to tell me,
0:16:35 > 0:16:38I'll just have to find out from somebody else.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41I never thought I'd say this,
0:16:41 > 0:16:43but you've made me miss my dad.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Well, I think we should all have a big family hug.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52Come to me, children!
0:16:52 > 0:16:54- Go to him.- You go to him.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57I'm not going anywhere near him. I have a child, nobody will miss you.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Susan, where have you been? I've been worried sick.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Get knotted!
0:17:03 > 0:17:05- Does she talk to your father like that?- Yeah.
0:17:05 > 0:17:06Oh!
0:17:07 > 0:17:12- How did it go?- I don't want to talk about it, I just want to go to bed. - I'll be up in two minutes.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Do it and die!
0:17:20 > 0:17:21That tickles!
0:17:22 > 0:17:24This is a serious business, Mrs Harper.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28You need to get Paul to confess that he's a drug dealer on tape.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Sorry. Right. Right.
0:17:30 > 0:17:31Now, we've a hidden camera in place.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34The best angle will be from this direction,
0:17:34 > 0:17:37so try and get him on the sofa.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43And act natural.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46We don't want him to suspect something's up.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Not a problem. I was once an accomplished actress.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51In school I was in Streetcar Named Desire.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54I played Stanley Kowalski.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58It was an all-girls school.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Great. Look, you can just attach that to your bra strap...
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Look, I'll do that, thank you!
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Now, we've got a signal. We're good to go.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09KNOCK AT DOOR
0:18:09 > 0:18:10He's early.
0:18:11 > 0:18:12Oh, hi, Mum.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Wow, you look stunning.
0:18:14 > 0:18:15Is that a new outfit?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Yes.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20I want to look my best for...Roger.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26Come on, Mum. We all know if you were trying to turn Roger on, you'd be dressed as Susan Boyle.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31You're seeing Paul again, aren't you?
0:18:31 > 0:18:32Yes, but it's not what you think.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35I've got a little surprise planned for Paul.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39I've got a microphone here
0:18:39 > 0:18:42and there's a camera hidden over there.
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Kinky!
0:18:44 > 0:18:46- It's not for that! - Oh, no, Mum, it's fine.
0:18:46 > 0:18:51- Listen, I won't tell Dad. Your secret's safe with me.- Janey! - Have an amazing time.- Janey!- Bye!
0:18:51 > 0:18:52Oh, heavens!
0:18:52 > 0:18:55This is never going to work.
0:18:55 > 0:18:59Don't worry, I'll be in the kitchen with back-up should anything go wrong.
0:18:59 > 0:19:04- But, well, we do need to establish a safe word, in case you're in any danger.- How about "help"?
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Maybe something a little less obvious.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Something innocuous like... Like cupboard.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Cupboard. Cupboard. Got it, got it.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16Now, all we need is this confession and you're in the clear.
0:19:16 > 0:19:21Oh, don't you worry. Once I turn on the charm, I can be very persuasive.
0:19:21 > 0:19:26- You might want to undo this button too.- I can do that, thank you! - DOOR BELL
0:19:26 > 0:19:27- He's here!- Oh, go away!
0:19:38 > 0:19:40- SEDUCTIVELY:- Paul, come in.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44- Ah, you look stunning. - (And with all the buttons done up.)
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Sorry?
0:19:46 > 0:19:47Nothing.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51Please, please, make yourself comfortable.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52Ah, lovely.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Yeah, you've got a really nice place here.
0:19:57 > 0:19:58Not that chair! No, no, sorry.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02The sofa is much more relaxing.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04OK.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10I've got to say, Susie, I was quite surprised to hear from you again so soon.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13Did everything go all right with that package last night?
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Oh, yes, fine. Tickety-boo.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17It was awfully heavy. What was in it?
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Boring business stuff, you know.
0:20:20 > 0:20:26Well, any boring business stuff to do with you is fascinating to me.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Tell me more.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Look, am I reading this situation right?
0:20:34 > 0:20:37You're reading it perfectly.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40When I said nothing was going to happen between us,
0:20:40 > 0:20:43perhaps I spoke too soon.
0:20:43 > 0:20:44Really?
0:20:44 > 0:20:50I've been a good wife and a good mother for a long time.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Now, I want to be bad.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Can you be bad?
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Oh, yes, I can be bad.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03In fact, I'm going to tell you something that might shock you.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07I can't wait to hear it.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Well...just between you and me...
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Hello!
0:21:11 > 0:21:15Roger! What are you doing here?
0:21:15 > 0:21:19I might ask you the same question. Who is your gentleman caller?
0:21:19 > 0:21:20Oh, this is my friend, Paul.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Paul this is my...
0:21:22 > 0:21:23Roger.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28Could you excuse us a minute? He's not very well...
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Sure. I've got a call to make anyway. Don't worry.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Susan! What are you doing?
0:21:37 > 0:21:41Are you having an affair behind my and Ben's backs?
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Paul and I are just good friends, nothing more.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46- Now, now just go. Please, go? - Oh, thank God.
0:21:46 > 0:21:50I know Ben wouldn't be happy if he lost you on my watch.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Oh, oh, oh, I forgot, I came round to borrow the mixer.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Fine. It's in the kitchen cup...
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Over the worktop...
0:21:58 > 0:22:01The thing with shelves.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02What?
0:22:02 > 0:22:04With doors, you know, with doors that open
0:22:04 > 0:22:08and things you can put things in? With shelves?
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Sorry? I don't...
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Oh, for God's sake, the cupboard! No!
0:22:13 > 0:22:16No, no, no, no, no.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22- What are you trying to tell me? Not the cupboard?- Yes, that's it, yes!
0:22:22 > 0:22:24That's the thing you just mentioned.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27I still don't know what you mean. I'll just check all the cupboards.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29What the hell is going on down there?
0:22:29 > 0:22:31That idiot keeps saying the safe word.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Susan! There's, there's...
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Paul, I won't be a minute.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Roger's having a bit of an issue.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56What have you done to him?
0:22:56 > 0:22:58- Tasered him. - Was that really necessary?
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Yes.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Roger, I'm so sorry.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06What's going on? I don't understand.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08That man in there is a dangerous drugs dealer.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Susan is helping us trap him.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14Oh, no she's not. I'm not letting you put Susan's life at risk.
0:23:14 > 0:23:19As long as Ben's away, I'm not going to let anything bad happen to this woman or her family.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21They mean far too much to me. Far...
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Sorry, I couldn't take it any more.
0:23:29 > 0:23:30Excuse me, Roger.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Sorry, Paul.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39He had a little shock recently.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44So...
0:23:44 > 0:23:46you were about to tell me something...
0:23:46 > 0:23:50before we were so rudely interrupted.
0:23:50 > 0:23:51- Was I?- Yes.
0:23:52 > 0:23:57- About your boring, naughty business. - Oh, yeah, right.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Well, there's more to me than what you think.
0:24:00 > 0:24:01All right, look...
0:24:01 > 0:24:07I have made a great deal of money dealing in...
0:24:07 > 0:24:08Uh-oh.
0:24:08 > 0:24:12What the hell? Oh, Cole, her mic's slipped.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14..drugs.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21I've been dealing drugs for the last ten years.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24- Did you hear what I said, Susan? - I'm not quite sure yet.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27I said, I deal drugs.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30I mean, I didn't set out to be a drug dealer, but now...
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Well, I'm a major supplier to West London
0:24:32 > 0:24:36- and I've got connections with suppliers all over...- Wait, wait! - What's the matter?
0:24:36 > 0:24:41Sorry. Don't you ever feel like dancing for no reason?
0:24:41 > 0:24:42There's no music!
0:24:42 > 0:24:44It's better without music.
0:24:49 > 0:24:50It's gone quiet!
0:24:50 > 0:24:52We haven't had the confession. What's she doing?
0:24:52 > 0:24:54I think she's...dancing?
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Or having a stroke? Oh, my God, now they're both doing it.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Well, that's enough of that.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09Well, I can see you're still as wild as ever, aren't you?
0:25:09 > 0:25:12- Yes, I know. - Do you know, it's funny,
0:25:12 > 0:25:15I've never told anyone from my past about what I do now.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19But now I've confessed everything, I feel so much closer to you.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Yes. You know what would make us feel even more close?
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Go on, tell me.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27If you confess everything again.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Oh, yeah, I see. I know what's going on here.
0:25:30 > 0:25:31You do? Cupboard!
0:25:31 > 0:25:34You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Not cupboard!
0:25:37 > 0:25:40This is so typical of you, Susan.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42What? What's typical?
0:25:42 > 0:25:44You were always so distracted, you'd never listen to me.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48- I think that's one of the reasons I broke up with you.- Reasons?!
0:25:48 > 0:25:53Yeah. All right, look, if you want me to confess everything all over again, I will.
0:25:53 > 0:25:54This is it. Stand by, Cole.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56For the last ten years,
0:25:56 > 0:26:00I have been heavily involved in importing and dealing...
0:26:00 > 0:26:05Yeah, yeah. Never mind about that. What do you mean there were "reasons" you split up with me?
0:26:09 > 0:26:12When I said I couldn't remember why we split up, that wasn't the truth.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Well, well, let's hear it.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17Well, it's like I said, you never listen to me.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Even at uni you were always distracted.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23And I know why - because that Ben Harper was always around and you fancied him more than me!
0:26:23 > 0:26:27I did?! Yeah, I did, OK, yeah.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29And you're still the same now.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33I tell you I'm a major drug dealer who supplies drugs to most of West London
0:26:33 > 0:26:35and you don't seem to have heard a word I've said!
0:26:35 > 0:26:39- So that's the reason you split up with me, because you were jealous? - Yes.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Well, that, and I always thought you were a bit too...
0:26:42 > 0:26:46- A bit too what?- You're under arrest for the supplying and distribution of illegal drugs.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49- Wait, wait, wait!- Why?
0:26:49 > 0:26:51We've got everything we need.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54But I haven't! I haven't!
0:26:54 > 0:26:57You don't have to say anything. Anything you do say may be used in evidence.
0:26:57 > 0:27:03- I don't believe it. After all these years, this is how I go down. - Sorry, Paul, you left me no choice.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06Hang on. Listen, Susan, I just want to say,
0:27:06 > 0:27:10- even after all this, I still love you.- Really?
0:27:10 > 0:27:13No! You've just put me away for 20 years!
0:27:21 > 0:27:25Is anyone else buzzing?
0:27:27 > 0:27:30So Paul's being put away for a very long time.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33The same Paul who could have been my father.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Michael, he was a dangerous drug dealer.
0:27:35 > 0:27:36Still...
0:27:36 > 0:27:40And I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention any of this to your father.
0:27:40 > 0:27:44- After 30 years, we're going to start talking to Dad?! - Right. What was I thinking?
0:27:44 > 0:27:47Susan, can I have a word with you, please?
0:27:47 > 0:27:51- Rodge, can you give me a lift to the flat?- And did you polish my shoes?
0:27:51 > 0:27:54No. No, I can't. And no, I didn't.
0:27:54 > 0:27:58You know what? I wanted to be head of this family and be like Ben,
0:27:58 > 0:28:00but that role is a poisoned chalice.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03In the past week, you've abused my trust, treated me like a slave,
0:28:03 > 0:28:07extorted money from me and got me Tasered - twice!
0:28:07 > 0:28:09You lot ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11You make me sick!
0:28:14 > 0:28:17One, two,
0:28:17 > 0:28:19three, four...
0:28:22 > 0:28:25I can't stay mad at you.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Come on, let's all hug it out...
0:28:31 > 0:28:33Sorry, Roger.
0:28:41 > 0:28:44Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:44 > 0:28:47E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk