0:00:21 > 0:00:25Coming up, Britain's best-loved comedians reveal who gets
0:00:25 > 0:00:28their chuckle muscles working overtime.
0:00:29 > 0:00:33Connolly was a complete one-off, there was nobody else like him.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36I defy anyone to watch him playing the piano and not laugh.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Absolutely mind blowing.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45From stand-up routines to sketches and classic sitcoms
0:00:45 > 0:00:48they're letting us in on their all-time favourite jokes
0:00:48 > 0:00:51and their love, envy and sheer admiration
0:00:51 > 0:00:54for the star performers behind them!
0:00:54 > 0:00:58No-one had ever taken the mickey out of those dirty old men that we all knew.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00I could have a bit of that!
0:01:00 > 0:01:05I was laughing until I cried watching that.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07That was the moment that changed his life
0:01:07 > 0:01:10and I'm still waiting for mine.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13So dust off your laughing gear, hold onto your armchairs
0:01:13 > 0:01:18and buckle up for a raucous ride into the land of comedy.
0:01:24 > 0:01:31My comedy hero, really, from the age of 12 or 13, for a good few years
0:01:31 > 0:01:32was Billy Connolly.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37I remember seeing him on Parkinson.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40He came on and he had this kind of raw energy about him
0:01:40 > 0:01:43and I don't think I'd ever seen that in anyone
0:01:43 > 0:01:48that I'd seen on television before. There was almost something exotic about Billy Connolly, actually.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52You're sitting in the class, right, you've got Wellingtons on...
0:01:52 > 0:01:57- Do you wear Wellingtons all the time?- Till I was 19, you know.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Connolly was a complete one-off, there was no-one else like him.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03There were very, very few young comics around.
0:02:03 > 0:02:08And the guys with impetigo had leather pilots' helmets on!
0:02:12 > 0:02:16When Billy Connolly made his debut appearance on Parkinson in 1975
0:02:16 > 0:02:19he was little known outside of Scotland.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23Connolly seized his moment to tell a risque joke which had people,
0:02:23 > 0:02:27all over the nation, falling off their three-piece suites.
0:02:27 > 0:02:32I remember just thinking it was the funniest thing ever. He told this joke about...
0:02:32 > 0:02:36He tells this joke, famously, that he was told not to tell
0:02:36 > 0:02:40but he thought it was going well, so why not give it a go?
0:02:40 > 0:02:42A guy came up to me in the street.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44I hope I can get away with this, it's a beauty.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50You can sort of see a shift in his body language, there,
0:02:50 > 0:02:52as he kind of just gets into position
0:02:52 > 0:02:56and you can see he's thinking to himself,
0:02:56 > 0:02:59"Shall I say this? Shall I actually say this joke?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01"Will I get away with it?"
0:03:01 > 0:03:02He said, "Ey, Big'un."
0:03:02 > 0:03:05You know in Scotland they call me Big'un and I'm not very big
0:03:05 > 0:03:08but everybody there is awful wee, you know.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13He said, "Did you hear about the guy who done his wife in and that?"
0:03:13 > 0:03:15And I said, "No."
0:03:15 > 0:03:17The most telling moment in that
0:03:17 > 0:03:20is where he sort of gives these sideways glances at Mike
0:03:20 > 0:03:22to see how this is going down.
0:03:22 > 0:03:28Cos in the car on the way to the studio, his manager had said to him
0:03:28 > 0:03:31"Billy, under no circumstances tell that joke.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34"Do not tell that joke, your whole career will be over."
0:03:34 > 0:03:38So this guy was going out to meet his friend in a pub
0:03:38 > 0:03:40and he went down and he said, "Oh, how's it going?"
0:03:40 > 0:03:42He said, "Fine." He said, "How's the wife?"
0:03:42 > 0:03:44He said, "She's dead." He said, "What?"
0:03:44 > 0:03:49He says, "Dead, in the ground, I murdered her. Forget it."
0:03:49 > 0:03:53He said, "You're kidding me, aren't you?" He said, "No, no, this morning. Dead."
0:03:53 > 0:03:58He said, "I'm not talking to you if you keep on talking like that." He said, "I'll show you if you want."
0:03:58 > 0:04:03Straightaway, I loved the way that Connolly starts the joke like that,
0:04:03 > 0:04:05that this guy is like, "She's dead."
0:04:05 > 0:04:08And he kind of implies that he killed her.
0:04:08 > 0:04:14And it's a dark area and fascinating that that can still be comedy,
0:04:14 > 0:04:15I think, is brilliant.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19So I went up to his tenement building through the close,
0:04:19 > 0:04:21that's the entrance to the tenement.
0:04:21 > 0:04:26Into the back green, into the wash house and sure enough,
0:04:26 > 0:04:28there's a big mound of earth,
0:04:28 > 0:04:30but there's a bum sticking out of it.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33LAUGHTER
0:04:33 > 0:04:35He says, "Is that her?" And he says, "Aye!"
0:04:35 > 0:04:38He says, "What did you leave her bum sticking out for?"
0:04:38 > 0:04:40He says, "I need somewhere to park my bike!"
0:04:40 > 0:04:43LAUGHTER
0:04:47 > 0:04:51Connolly enjoys it, he gets carried away with it so much himself,
0:04:51 > 0:04:54but I can remember the excitement that he had for the joke was so infectious,
0:04:54 > 0:04:58that I think the whole nation must have been laughing at that point.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00LAUGHTER
0:05:07 > 0:05:10To this day, it remains one of the best known punch lines
0:05:10 > 0:05:12in the history of British comedy
0:05:12 > 0:05:14and was the joke that not only made us laugh
0:05:14 > 0:05:18but sent Billy Connolly's career into orbit.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21There were certain television shows that could change your life,
0:05:21 > 0:05:23not your career, your life.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27'Connolly's appearance on Parkinson is part of showbiz legend,'
0:05:27 > 0:05:32that one appearance and that one moment with the bum joke,
0:05:32 > 0:05:34like, made him.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37It literally got over to the United States.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41People would say there's this funny comedian in England,
0:05:41 > 0:05:47and he tells this joke about parking your bike in your wife's ass joke.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50And everyone in those days just went, "What?!"
0:05:50 > 0:05:55It's kind of illustrated what a brilliant storyteller he was
0:05:55 > 0:05:59and for so many reasons, he's got a Masters in joke telling
0:05:59 > 0:06:03and I don't think there's anyone to touch him really.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05You know the middle class ladies come in and say,
0:06:05 > 0:06:08"Now, William, sit down and put your hands behind your back."
0:06:08 > 0:06:11You'd sit all day like that, you know,
0:06:11 > 0:06:12and they say, "Your writing's bad!"
0:06:12 > 0:06:14I say, "My hands are behind my back!"
0:06:14 > 0:06:17LAUGHTER
0:06:17 > 0:06:19'He's an inspiration for every comic.'
0:06:19 > 0:06:22I've seen Michal McIntyre and Eddie Izzard saying that Billy Connolly
0:06:22 > 0:06:26is still a massive influence on them, so I'm grateful.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30'To me it was just a new way of hearing a joke being told and done.'
0:06:30 > 0:06:35I was so full of admiration and I remember the next day
0:06:35 > 0:06:40or whenever it was, a couple of days later, at school telling the joke
0:06:40 > 0:06:42very loudly in class
0:06:42 > 0:06:45and being overheard by a teacher who gave me a detention.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57My own personal favourite comedy moment is French and Saunders
0:06:57 > 0:07:01dressed up as the two fat, dirty, old men
0:07:01 > 0:07:04watching Miss World and I very rarely actually laugh out loud
0:07:04 > 0:07:09when I'm watching telly but I was laughing until I cried watching that.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12'And now the ten finalists,
0:07:12 > 0:07:14'Miss Paraguay.'
0:07:17 > 0:07:18Oh, here she comes!
0:07:18 > 0:07:21- 'Miss Finland.' - Here she comes, this is my one.
0:07:21 > 0:07:2420 to 1 on her, Miss Finland.
0:07:24 > 0:07:29She's stacked! Begging for it, she is!
0:07:29 > 0:07:31She's begging me for it!
0:07:31 > 0:07:33'They kind of captured down to every detail
0:07:33 > 0:07:36'that completely arrogant bloke,'
0:07:36 > 0:07:39you know, the sort of bloke that thinks, "Oh, you know,
0:07:39 > 0:07:42"there's a gorgeous 20-year-old woman, I could have her."
0:07:42 > 0:07:48There's the one there, see, Miss Brazil. That's my girl. There you go, girl!
0:07:48 > 0:07:51I'd give her fulfilment, eh. I'd give her what for.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54'Everything contributes to it, the make-up is brilliant'
0:07:54 > 0:07:56and they've got, like, wispy hair
0:07:56 > 0:07:59that they sort of have got over their heads, just gruesome.
0:07:59 > 0:08:05And for French and Saunders to get their own back on those guys,
0:08:05 > 0:08:07I think an awful lot of women in the country went, "Yes!"
0:08:07 > 0:08:09It's women who want to ban this.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12Well, it's not FOR them, that's what I say.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15- It's not just about bodies anyway. - No, no, it's their minds, isn't it?
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Minds, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're lovely girls.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21'No-one had ever taken the mickey out of those dirty old men,'
0:08:21 > 0:08:24you know, like, "Oh, yeah, come past darling, yeah."
0:08:24 > 0:08:25You know what I mean?
0:08:25 > 0:08:28No-one had ever done that cos it was such a male thing.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Men had sort of got away with it.
0:08:30 > 0:08:36It's the "Uh, oh, uh-uh-uh." And all that.
0:08:37 > 0:08:42- I could give her one. Oh! Give her ten.- Come on!
0:08:42 > 0:08:44It just makes you laugh out loud.
0:08:44 > 0:08:49It's so original, so brilliant, so fearless, so on the button.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53'You know when you see a comedian do a certain thing,'
0:08:53 > 0:08:56and you go, "THAT'S why you were meant to be a comedian."
0:08:56 > 0:09:00Those girls wouldn't stand a chance if they came round here, would they?
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Nah, she looks like she goes like a bunny.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07'It had a real impact at the time,'
0:09:07 > 0:09:11we hadn't really seen women playing men before
0:09:11 > 0:09:13and then you add that to all the history
0:09:13 > 0:09:18of, basically, Benny Hill and women in Monty Python sort of running around in their bra and knickers,
0:09:18 > 0:09:22and just sort of being the girl. It was just payback time in a way.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30They didn't miss a trick, they had newspapers in front of them,
0:09:30 > 0:09:35they had beers, they were slobbery, I mean EVERYTHING. It was perfect.
0:09:35 > 0:09:36Perfect!
0:09:36 > 0:09:41I laughed a lot cos I remember them bring excellent at what they do,
0:09:41 > 0:09:46but there's a safe element to it that just seemed shattered when
0:09:46 > 0:09:51Dawn French steps up and really dry humps the front of the TV screen.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53It was really graphic and really funny.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57All right, Miss Brazil.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07'What I love about French and Saunders is that they don't care
0:10:07 > 0:10:10'how gruesome they look for the sake of a laugh,'
0:10:10 > 0:10:13and I think that's a brilliant thing for women comics to have.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17Cos a lot of women are kind of scared of going that extra mile.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Come round here, they wouldn't stand a chance! I'd be...
0:10:20 > 0:10:24'I'm also very envious cos I wish it was something I'd thought of and done.'
0:10:24 > 0:10:26I just think it's great.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Before I started doing stand-up,
0:10:36 > 0:10:38I went to work in a little stand-up comedy club
0:10:38 > 0:10:40and I just did the lights
0:10:40 > 0:10:43and the sound and I sort of greeted the comedians
0:10:43 > 0:10:46and things like that and made sure they were happy, put the chairs out.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49It was only a little comedy club in a room above a pub.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53And one day he came down to try out some new material
0:10:53 > 0:10:55and I've never been so excited in my life.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58And I welcomed him and I got to hold his coat
0:10:58 > 0:11:01while he was on stage and I thought, "This is as good as it gets."
0:11:04 > 0:11:09'To this day, 15 years later, it was one of the best hour and a halves of my life.'
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Absolutely mind blowing.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15And I learnt French at school up to the age of 16
0:11:15 > 0:11:18and then I just kept talking it endlessly after that.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21And at school, the first page I ever learnt in French was full of things
0:11:21 > 0:11:24which are difficult to get into a conversation.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Things like, "The mouse is underneath the table."
0:11:26 > 0:11:28"La souris est sous la table."
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Just slip that in when you're buying a ticket to Paris.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36It was in this routine that Eddie showcased his most loved,
0:11:36 > 0:11:39surreal masterpiece in French.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41'He did the thing about learning French
0:11:41 > 0:11:46and he spins this fabulous routine out of this kind of universal
0:11:46 > 0:11:48groping towards a second language
0:11:48 > 0:11:50that we've all gone through at various stages.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52It's just genius to watch.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54The other line was, "The cat is on the chair."
0:11:54 > 0:11:56"Le chat est sur la chaise."
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Slightly more easy to fit in. And, "The monkey is on the branch."
0:11:59 > 0:12:01"La singe est sur la branche."
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Very difficult to get into a conversation.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Not a lot of jungle in France.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11It just starts with a bog-standard observational comedy thing,
0:12:11 > 0:12:15like when you learn French in school, you know, you learn phrases
0:12:15 > 0:12:18that aren't much use to you, like, "The monkey's in the tree."
0:12:18 > 0:12:21And most observational comedians would probably just have
0:12:21 > 0:12:25a couple of lines about how pointless that was. Not Izzard.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28We go and get hotel rooms for the night, "Vous avez une chambre, monsieur?"
0:12:28 > 0:12:31"Oui, nous avez les chambres. Nous sommes un hotel!"
0:12:31 > 0:12:34LAUGHTER
0:12:34 > 0:12:37"OK, je voudrais une chambre avec un grand lit."
0:12:37 > 0:12:39A grand lit, a large bed.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43"Avec un vue de la mer." View of the sea.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46'He's in a hotel telling the hotelier there's a monkey in the tree'
0:12:46 > 0:12:49and the hotelier is looking out the window and saying,
0:12:49 > 0:12:51"Where is the monkey? Is the monkey in the room?"
0:12:51 > 0:12:54The conversation is a French grammar lesson.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56"Et le singe est sur la branche."
0:13:02 > 0:13:03"Quoi?
0:13:05 > 0:13:07"Il y a un singe sur la branche?
0:13:08 > 0:13:12"Le chat, le souris... Ou est le singe?"
0:13:12 > 0:13:14"Le singe est sur la branche."
0:13:17 > 0:13:20"Est-ce que le singe est dans la chambre?"
0:13:20 > 0:13:21"Non!"
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Is the monkey in the bedroom? No, the monkey is in the tree!
0:13:24 > 0:13:27In your mind, you've got the monkey, he's outside.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30You've got the hotelier, you've got Eddie and it's just Eddie on stage.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33But you can see all of this different stuff.
0:13:33 > 0:13:38It's like he's got a projector and put it through his brain and it splattered it all over the stage.
0:13:38 > 0:13:45"Le singe n'est pas dans la chambre! Michelle est dans la chambre.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47"Avec la President de Burundi."
0:13:47 > 0:13:49LAUGHTER
0:13:49 > 0:13:52In the end, the only way I could get that line into a conversation,
0:13:52 > 0:13:57was I had to go to France with a cat, a mouse, a monkey, a table and chair,
0:13:57 > 0:14:01and wander round heavily wooded areas. "Come on, keep up.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05"Someone's coming! Someone's coming!
0:14:05 > 0:14:08"Quick, positions. Les positions, maintenant.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11"Bulo! Bulo! Tout suite. Tout suite. Vas-y. Vas-y."
0:14:11 > 0:14:15He's going, "Quick, everyone in position, there's somebody coming."
0:14:15 > 0:14:19You're thinking, "This is crazy!" You've brought the person in, in your own imagination,
0:14:19 > 0:14:23but now, you, as the other person, as you, Eddie Izzard, is now feeling the urgency
0:14:23 > 0:14:27to get everyone in position, even though you control when he comes in!
0:14:27 > 0:14:29"Mais la souris est sous la table."
0:14:29 > 0:14:31LAUGHTER
0:14:31 > 0:14:36Le chat est sur la chaise. Et le singe est su...
0:14:36 > 0:14:40Est...
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Le singe est disparu.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47And in Izzard's imagination, and only in Izzard's imagination,
0:14:47 > 0:14:53could the monkey then start doing things that would try and mess with Eddie's head.
0:14:53 > 0:14:54He was a cheeky monkey.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57And he knew my French wasn't good so he'd go off and do things.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00"Ah, le singe est la-bas, maintenant, regardez,
0:15:00 > 0:15:03"il est sur une bicyclette.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06"Il joue au banjo. Et fume une pip.
0:15:08 > 0:15:13"Maintenant, il arrete, il lit son journaux, oui, ici...
0:15:13 > 0:15:16"Et maintenant il est dans l'autobus. Dans l'autobus.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19"Il conduit l'autobus!
0:15:19 > 0:15:22"Et Sandra Bullock est dans l'autobus!"
0:15:22 > 0:15:25'I mean, Christ, the more I think about it, the more incredible it is.'
0:15:25 > 0:15:28And the more it makes me think, "I definitely should give up,
0:15:28 > 0:15:30"immediately, as soon as I leave this room."
0:15:30 > 0:15:34"Et Keanu Reeves, la, il arrive dans la voiture.
0:15:34 > 0:15:35"Il as pas de cheveux."
0:15:35 > 0:15:38'It's such a good twist that the monkey's run away.'
0:15:38 > 0:15:41It is what makes it a great piece of comedy rather than just someone
0:15:41 > 0:15:43saying some stuff that happened.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Just to be able to take to an English speaking audience
0:15:47 > 0:15:51a routine in French about learning French, that took some skill.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54That's what makes him a master at what he does and sort of puts him
0:15:54 > 0:15:56head and shoulders above a lot of other comedians.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00You have balls, to wear a dress, but you've got balls.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03I have never seen anything like it in my life.
0:16:03 > 0:16:08You are taking an audience and making them laugh...in French?!
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Hey, that's great.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14"Regards, il essaie a se jette dans l'autobus.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18"Et Dennis Hopper, oh, Dennis Hopper, quel mechant!"
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Doing a routine in French is just showing off, though,
0:16:21 > 0:16:23isn't it, really. Let's face it.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26'He makes me seem so lazy.'
0:16:26 > 0:16:28sometimes I don't even do it in English, my act,
0:16:28 > 0:16:31do you know what I mean.
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Oh, I'm dead jealous.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35I have dreamed a European dream, I dreamt that every country in Europe
0:16:35 > 0:16:38spoke a different language and they hated each other!
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Oh, that's true, isn't it? Yes!
0:16:41 > 0:16:44It's all kind of come full circle,
0:16:44 > 0:16:48in a way, because about a week ago, I was asked to do a festival
0:16:48 > 0:16:52and the bill was going to be me, Eddie Izzard and somebody else.
0:16:52 > 0:16:58And I can't say yes, I can't accept that gig and I cannot take equal billing with Eddie Izzard.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01If I went there, I would be more than happy
0:17:01 > 0:17:03to just hold his coat again,
0:17:03 > 0:17:09That could be the gig, it could be Eddie Izzard with me, just out the way in the wings, holding his coat.
0:17:09 > 0:17:10I'd be happy with that.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Thank you very much.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:23 > 0:17:28Comedy's a strange thing, you know. People say what do comics have at the end of a career?
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Just the memories of forgotten laughter
0:17:31 > 0:17:34and there are funny men and men who say funny things.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38But the greatest stand-up comic of his day without doubt was Max Miller.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45I saw him at the Met, Edgware Road and I was about 19
0:17:45 > 0:17:49and he was the cheeky milkman, the car salesman.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52I know what you're saying, "Why is he dressed like that?"
0:17:52 > 0:17:55I'll tell you why - I've just come from a wedding
0:17:55 > 0:17:59and a very sad wedding and when I say sad I mean sad.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01A poor old man of 80 married a young girl of 18
0:18:01 > 0:18:05and you can't get anything sadder than that can you?
0:18:05 > 0:18:08He was the pure gold of the music hall
0:18:08 > 0:18:12influenced so many comics that we've all loved today.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17The grand-daddy of all stand-up comedians was Max Miller.
0:18:17 > 0:18:18He was a great personality,
0:18:18 > 0:18:23it was a twinkle in his eye, it was his rapport,
0:18:23 > 0:18:27his communication with the audience.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30He was really a great persona.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33I remember him well because when my dad was getting ready to go out
0:18:33 > 0:18:37on a Sunday lunch time he would always play these Max Miller albums
0:18:37 > 0:18:42and I suppose it was my real introduction to stand-up comedy.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45And I sort of knew they were a bit saucy but his ability to
0:18:45 > 0:18:49hold an audience and that speed which he told the stories was fantastic.
0:18:51 > 0:18:56Brighton-born cheeky chappy Max Miller was master of the double entendre
0:18:56 > 0:18:58and best known for his saucy quips.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02He had two books and he's go on with a little mild gag -
0:19:02 > 0:19:06he wasn't always dirty, it was the suggestiveness.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09And he'd go, "How do you want it - out the white or the blue?"
0:19:09 > 0:19:13All the audience would yell, "The blue, Max! Give us the blue!"
0:19:13 > 0:19:18Oh, no I can't here because he's listening.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21I've just come back from me holidays and I always have a wonderful time
0:19:21 > 0:19:23because I haven't got one of those wives who says where have you been?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25How much have you spent? Who have you been with?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27She comes with me!
0:19:27 > 0:19:32You know he would sort of toy with the audience, look away as if he was
0:19:32 > 0:19:36being told to calm it down and he'd be very much like now listen, listen!
0:19:36 > 0:19:39I went to Blackpool and I went round looking for rooms
0:19:39 > 0:19:42and I knocked on the door and the old lady came to the door.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44A little bit and some more and not quite so much then perhaps!
0:19:44 > 0:19:48And that's all I want - just a little encouragement.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51The audience would lean forward thinking there was a stage manager
0:19:51 > 0:19:55there was no-one there it was all a myth in this thing he did.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58She said, "What do you want?! I said, "Could you accommodate me?" She said, "I'm full up."
0:19:58 > 0:20:00I said, "Surely you could squeeze me in?"
0:20:00 > 0:20:03She said, "I could but I haven't got time now!"
0:20:03 > 0:20:07Max's legacy to the comedy world included a joke that was said
0:20:07 > 0:20:12to be so shocking at the time that he was banned from the BBC.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15At one point in the BBC you couldn't say knickers.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19Underpants was even more vile - if you want to see me in mine.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Oh! No, thanks!
0:20:25 > 0:20:30The crudeness of his joke against the back drop of a far primer era
0:20:30 > 0:20:33made it the stuff of legend and a favourite joke for many
0:20:33 > 0:20:36but some doubt its very existence.
0:20:36 > 0:20:40They said he did this gag which would not have been allowed
0:20:40 > 0:20:43on the radio anyway they'd have cut him off
0:20:43 > 0:20:47and it was all a load of rhubarb - he never did the gag at all.
0:20:47 > 0:20:52I won't do the gag. It would be rude by comparisons today.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54The joke wasn't recorded
0:20:54 > 0:20:57but that hasn't stopped it becoming a firm favourite.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Apparently Max Miller was in a theatre and there was some
0:21:00 > 0:21:04people in from royalty and it was one of those nights and he pulled to one
0:21:04 > 0:21:08side by the theatre manager and said tonight Maxy don't push it, you know.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Keep it clean because you know who's in.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13And he's like fair enough and he went out
0:21:13 > 0:21:17and he did the one about he was walking along a cliff top on a rather
0:21:17 > 0:21:22narrow walkway and a beautiful girl came towards him
0:21:22 > 0:21:24and he was in two minds
0:21:24 > 0:21:28he didn't know whether to block her passageway or toss himself off.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32And apparently he came off and the bloke pulled him to one side
0:21:32 > 0:21:34and said you will never work in this theatre again."
0:21:34 > 0:21:40And he sort of said, "Oh, you're about a million pound too late."
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Max Miller would not tell a joke like that.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47Max Miller wasn't a dirty comic. Spicy.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51He was a great comic and the grandfather of all stand-ups.
0:21:54 > 0:21:55OK?
0:21:55 > 0:21:59# Isn't grand to see someone smile?
0:21:59 > 0:22:02# A smile is a thing that makes life worthwhile. #
0:22:02 > 0:22:07Whether is told the joke or not Max Miller's legacy lives on.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11I've got lots of Max Miller on my iPod which feels a bit wrong,
0:22:11 > 0:22:14feels like I should be listening to it on a gramophone
0:22:14 > 0:22:16in a living room with a glass of port.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18But I have my iPod on shuffle and every now and again
0:22:18 > 0:22:22there'll be music and then suddenly, "'Ere now listen, see..."
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Then there was the wedding breakfast. They had a cake
0:22:25 > 0:22:28six feet high and on the cake it said everyone can take a piece home.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31Well, you know me I took two pieces!
0:22:31 > 0:22:33A blond and a brunette!
0:22:33 > 0:22:37My favourite thing recorded by Max Miller is the laughs
0:22:37 > 0:22:39cos they're such naughty...
0:22:39 > 0:22:43Proper bawdy middle aged women laughs like my auntie
0:22:43 > 0:22:45just whooping at rude jokes.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50I think it was Alfred Marks who said a wonderful thing when Max Miller
0:22:50 > 0:22:56had died, he said variety died 20 years ago
0:22:56 > 0:22:58but it was buried today.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02Goodbye now and have a happy, happy smile!
0:23:14 > 0:23:17I've just had some bad news.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Tomorrow it's the mother in-law's funeral.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22And she's cancelled it.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26He did them the best, nobody did mother in-law jokes
0:23:26 > 0:23:28like Les Dawson. Bob Monkhouse did a few,
0:23:28 > 0:23:31but Les Dawson was the king of mother in-law jokes.
0:23:31 > 0:23:32I heard a knock at the door,
0:23:32 > 0:23:37I knew it was the wife's mother because the mice were throwing themselves on the traps!
0:23:37 > 0:23:39His funniest one was a fella said to me
0:23:39 > 0:23:41I hear your mother in-law just died,
0:23:41 > 0:23:43do you want her embalmed or cremated?
0:23:43 > 0:23:46I said take no chances, give her the lot!
0:23:46 > 0:23:49The wife said, "How would you like to speak to mummy?"
0:23:49 > 0:23:51I said, "Through a spiritualist."
0:23:51 > 0:23:53The mother in-law fell down a wishing well,
0:23:53 > 0:23:55I didn't even know those things worked.
0:23:55 > 0:23:56He's got so many of them.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59I kept getting this hideous re-occurrent nightmare
0:23:59 > 0:24:02that I was in an old sports car.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04The wife's mother had her foot on me throttle!
0:24:04 > 0:24:07The mother in-law, she slept like a log,
0:24:07 > 0:24:10she had her head in the fireplace.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13From the other bedroom came the sound of the mother in-law
0:24:13 > 0:24:15playing a record of Hitler's speeches.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20He would do a mother in-law joke but boy, was it a good one!
0:24:20 > 0:24:24When she was ill I said to the wife I said, "Don't worry about your mother,
0:24:24 > 0:24:26"if she's at death's door I'll pull her through!"
0:24:26 > 0:24:29The things he'd say about his wife!
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the wife's ugly
0:24:31 > 0:24:35but last Christmas she stood under the mistletoe waiting for someone to kiss her
0:24:35 > 0:24:38and she was still there at Lent!
0:24:38 > 0:24:42It was not harsh stuff, it was not women are all idiots,
0:24:42 > 0:24:46it was like, you know, the wife sleeps with her mouth open
0:24:46 > 0:24:49and it's like looking into a bucket, you know.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52But it's the use of language.
0:24:52 > 0:24:56As usual she was snoring with all rhythmic grace of a gastric bullock!
0:24:57 > 0:25:00You're like, I've never heard a gastric bullock
0:25:00 > 0:25:02but I know exactly what that means.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09He's the comedian's comedian, you can't imagine anyone not liking him,
0:25:09 > 0:25:11he's funny to look at,
0:25:11 > 0:25:14he's clever, he's got a funny face, he's talented, he plays the piano.
0:25:14 > 0:25:19HE PLAYS DISCORDANT NOTES
0:25:19 > 0:25:21I remember me Nan going,
0:25:21 > 0:25:24"Oh, he can't play that piano,
0:25:24 > 0:25:25"oh, he's awful,"
0:25:25 > 0:25:27and I'm saying, "You're missing the point!"
0:25:27 > 0:25:32You have to be that good to play the piano that you can mess it up as he did
0:25:32 > 0:25:35but I mean he had me in bits with the tit shrug and the...
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Just the very thought of him makes you smile.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Oh, God, what a funny man.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47I said to me mother, "Doesn't Dad use the rhythm method?"
0:25:47 > 0:25:50And she said, "Yes, he goes to bed with a fiddle!"
0:25:50 > 0:25:53I just love the misery of Les Dawson whatever his life
0:25:53 > 0:25:56was like off stage creates this persona of someone so depressed
0:25:56 > 0:26:01with his lot and he just looks like he just hates everything so much.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05My parents were determined that I should carry on the family tradition of music,
0:26:05 > 0:26:07and for over seven years I sweated over the piano stool
0:26:07 > 0:26:10and things got better they brought me a piano.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12He was really clever,
0:26:12 > 0:26:16he loved language. I mean, he spoke seven languages.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20You see this bloke and you think, well, he's a son of a brick layer
0:26:20 > 0:26:26and he's just so learned and he's got that voice like gravel,
0:26:26 > 0:26:29but he talks and uses words like Stephen Fry.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32I laid there in me trundled bed
0:26:32 > 0:26:33in a bemused stupor,
0:26:33 > 0:26:36and I gazed around at the familiar things...
0:26:36 > 0:26:39the rotting floorboards...
0:26:39 > 0:26:41'My comedy hero is Les Dawson'
0:26:41 > 0:26:43without a shadow of doubt.
0:26:44 > 0:26:45# Feelings... #
0:26:47 > 0:26:49You know, you remember his piano playing
0:26:49 > 0:26:50his mother in-law gags,
0:26:50 > 0:26:53but he had a good voice. He's like a real baritone.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56He sung a brilliant piece on his show, I think it was on Sez Les,
0:26:56 > 0:26:57and he's singing Feelings.
0:26:57 > 0:26:58He does like a...
0:26:58 > 0:27:01# Feelings nothing more than feelings... #
0:27:01 > 0:27:03# Tear drops
0:27:05 > 0:27:09# They're rolling down on my face!
0:27:11 > 0:27:14# Trying to forget... #
0:27:14 > 0:27:15And then the middle bit
0:27:15 > 0:27:17when he goes....
0:27:17 > 0:27:19# Feelings, nothing but... #
0:27:19 > 0:27:20And he goes for it.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25TUNELESSLY: # Feelings!
0:27:27 > 0:27:32# Whoa whoa whoa, feelings! #
0:27:32 > 0:27:35The moment he comes on it's the funniest...
0:27:35 > 0:27:37How he keeps a straight face I don't know,
0:27:37 > 0:27:40cos I laugh when people are laughing.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43He manages to get through a full song with it and it's genius!
0:27:47 > 0:27:48# Feelings!
0:27:50 > 0:27:54# Whoa whoa whoa, feelings!
0:27:56 > 0:27:58# Whoa whoa whoa
0:28:04 > 0:28:11# Here in my heart! #
0:28:21 > 0:28:24Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd